Dwight Longenecker's Blog, page 350

Of Millstones and Milestones

I once went on a hitch-hiking pilgrimage from England to Jerusalem staying in monasteries on the way. There were dozens of lessons to be learned about the spiritual life, but one of the simplest ones was the need for milestones. If you knew where you were headed for that one day it was enough. Along the French roads especially there were little stone mile markers, and each one was a little encouragement which seemed to say, "You've made it a little further. Keep hope. Look up. What's around the next bend?  You'll make your goal today and eventually Jerusalem."



Each milestone was humble and grounded. Not a great billboard or neon sign. Each one spoke of the need for perseverance and progress, even if that progress was plodding. Each milestone reminded me that I wasn't walking in circles, that there was a destination, and that I was, slowly, but surely making my way forward. Furthermore, those milestones ought to be shared. We ought to encourage one another in the pilgrimage. We should recognize and celebrate and support the pilgrims, the plodders, the ones who persevere. We ought to point out the good, share what is positive and move forward with hope and courage and good humor. So give me the milestones.



And spare me the millstones. What I mean are the millstones that ought to be hung around the neck of those who cause scandal to the little ones before they're thrown into the sea. I'm not shooting particularly at John Corapi here, but at all who cause scandal, no matter how small. When a Catholic misbehaves--even a little-- it causes someone to stumble. The damage to the priesthood and the church when there is priestly scandal just ripples out further and further. It hinders trust, it breeds cynicism and doubt. It destroys faith. It plants seeds of discouragement and despair.



When we talk up the scandals and gossip about them and express our opinions in ugly ways and fight and defend the wrongdoers or condemn the wrongdoers we please Satan. I debated whether or not to comment on Corapi at all, and waded in because I felt there were a lot of people hurting and might need some clarity. It's over. I don't think it's worth it. That's why on this blog from now on there will be no more mention of Fr Corapi or any other priests or Christian leaders who stumble and fall. Let 'em be. Don't give the whole mess more publicity by talking it up. You want millstones? Look elsewhere. Here there will be milestones.



John Corapi and any other wayward priests or people are in God's hands. I'm not throwing stones at anybody. I'm not placing millstones on anybody. I want to walk on and mark the milestones and keep my eyes on Jerusalem the Golden, and my God have mercy on my soul.

What Did He Say?

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"I have never had any promiscuous or even inappropriate relations with her.  Never."

Fame at Last

A commenter says, "Father, how do you deal with the fame? You're a bit of a celebrity yourself, with the blog and books and radio and TV appearances (even on EWTN). Do you ever worry about pride or ego?"



First of all, I don't honestly think I'm famous. Really. Famous is Bruce Willis. Famous is paparazzi trying to get your photograph. Famous is people recognizing you when you're out. I'm not famous. My blog and my books have some readers, but not many, my blog has an average of about 2,000 hits a day. This is not a big deal. Furthermore, I never wrote anything to be famous or well known. I just did something I found I could do and something a few people seemed to want. So what? It's not much now and it will pass.



Secondly, do I worry about pride and ego? Absolutely. I'm a very arrogant, know it all, egocentric person, and I'm not happy about this. I give it to Jesus and hope to be transformed by grace.



Thirdly, I am very lucky to have three very ordinary jobs: I'm a high school chaplain, a parish priest and a husband and father. Most of the people I work with every day don't even know I have a blog or that I have written books. The ones who do know this seem to accept me for what I am in their everyday lives. The writer, author, speaker, radio and TV person is a different persona. My three 'real jobs' are far more important to me than what I do in the media.



Last thing is this: my first publisher was very canny about the whole publicity, celebrity personality thing. I was hesitant to publish my name on my first book and put in that whole author blurb malarky on the back. I didn't want a book launch or any of the publicity hoopla. He said, "Dwight, you have to get over this. We are marketing your books and the way we do this is to market you. However, we're not really marketing you, we're marketing an image of you. This is a useful fiction that we use to publish books. It's not a lie. What we say about you in the blurb is true, but we all know it's not the whole truth. You're more than a book cover blurb. But we have to market you as a personality because we want to sell books, and don't be embarrassed about selling books because why did you write the book in the first place? It was to communicate with people and save souls right? So consider each person who buys your book to be one of the souls you communicate with. That's why we're in this together--not to make a lot of money, but to make enough money to keep publishing good books that promote the faith. So be humble enough to put an image of yourself out there for people to latch on to to buy your books, and be humble enough not to believe your own book blurb or the nice things people say about you. None of it's real. It's just a way to sell books." I've always remembered those words and realized that none of the publicity stuff is real. A few people might think I'm wonderful. They don't know me. They just think what I write is wonderful. That's nice, but it's not substantial.



This is not to say that it is phony or that I am trying to be phony or sell people a line. It just means that there is an unreal aspect to it and you shouldn't be taken in by it--'cause I sure as heck ain't.

Mrs Brady Catholic Old Lady

Oh, goodness gracious! You've caught me all in a sweat my dear! I was hoping to get this weeding done before the sun got too hot, but I'm all in a lather, and this straw hat isn't much good is it? You think it looks nice? Thank you sweetie. Isn't he a dear? How old? Just seven. Isn't that grand!



Now, Felicity don't apologize. It's always nice to see you and Dominic, and it's no trouble at all. I was wanting to take a break, and now's the perfect time. I made some lemon cake this morning, and I was wondering who might drop in to help me eat it.



Where is the rest of your wonderful family? Out camping with Dad? How exciting! All seven of them? Why didn't you go Dom? Poison ivy? How terrible! I've got just the thing--some of Grandma Watkins' special lotion. I'll go and get it.



Come along dear. You can fix us some iced tea while I freshen up for just a moment. Dom, honey, you sit on the porch for a moment. In the box there are some toys. See what you can find love, while Mummy comes with me, and we'll be back in a jiffy.



The tea's in the refrigerator dear. Ice in the freezer...There. That's better. I thought you were looking rather upset. Father who? Crappy isn't such a nice name is it dear? Oh, Corapi? I'm afraid I never heard of him. Is he one of our local priests? Here we are Dom. Is that a spaceship? Made out of Lego? How clever you are! You don't want Grandma Watkins' lotion. Well that's alright. Don't you worry.



Let's sit here shall we dear? You take the rocking chair, I don't mind. Oh, on television? I've tried watching that ETWN network dear, but it just didn't do much for me. I kept thinking that Mother Angelica reminded me of Captain Pugwash in a habit. Isn't that awful? Then she had that eyepatch and it made things even worse! But I liked that Marcus Grodi. So good looking! But I never really connected much with it. To tell you the truth, I don't think it's a very good idea for a priest to be a television star. Too much temptation!



Well, that's interesting. You say he was the one orthodox priest in the church today and now everyone is saying he was rich and running around with women? Involved with drink and drugs and fast cars? Oh dear, oh dear. But you mustn't defend him dear. It's very possible you know, and if you say he was a television star, then perhaps the temptations were just too much for him. Commit him to the good Lord and move on is what I say, and you know he's not the only good priest and teacher. There are quite a few good men out there if you stop and listen.



You know, I've been thinking quite a bit about this whole matter while you were talking and I think I've figured out why I didn't like EWTN very much. I know they meant well, but I always felt they were promoting their own form of Catholicism, and I'm always worried about any group of Catholics who set up on their own apart from the bishops and the parishes. You see dear, so many people seem to want excitement in their religion. They want to see apparitions of the Blessed Mother or they want a miracle or they want some holy man or holy woman to get them all excited, and it usually ends in tears. I'm too old for that sort of thing my dear, and I'm always sad when I hear about Catholics who complain about their parish priest and bishop--as if they know better!



My favorite priest is old Fr. O'Driscoll who I visit in that retirement home. He was just an ordinary parish priest his whole life and served people at the everyday level in an ordinary church and never really did anything exciting or special--except to say Mass every day and hear confessions and preach simple sermons and marry people and bury people. He's the one for me dear, and if you don't mind me saying so, you and Bryan would do well to stick with the local parish and support Father Baldwin--even though he's rather tiresome and grumpy at times. Did you know he once called me a meddlesome old biddy? Well, I laughed and told him he was absolutely right and that he was the grumpiest priest I'd ever known, and after that we've been best of friends.



Dominic? I've had an idea. I have an old pup tent in the attic that needs to be aired out. Would you like to help me put it up, and then you and Mummy can come back this evening and we'll set off those fireworks I've kept from the fourth of July and have a campfire and cook hot dogs, and then camp out in the tent.



That will give you a little break Felicity dear, now go on...have another slice of that lemon cake.

Why I Believe the SOLT Statement

There are some folks out there who are still sticking up for John Corapi and saying that the charges have not been proven, that they may not be true, that he never took a vow of poverty, that SOLT superiors are jealous, that this is a freemason plot against Corapi, that this is a plot by the homosexuals against orthodox priests, that the Bishop and SOLT are trying to 'throw Corapi under a bus' etc. etc. etc.



Let me explain how the church works and why I believe the SOLT statement. First of all, the church authorities keep files on their clergy. Every complaint is filed away and not only kept, but kept private. It is kept private for all sorts of good reasons. First of all, no one should be convicted of wrong doing based on a private (and often anonymous complaint) Secondly, no one should be convicted of wrong doing simply because they might have fouled up and made a little mistake. Thirdly, wrong doing for a priest may not be criminal and while he might be a bad priest, he may not have done anything that bad. Catholics may lament what he's done, and he may have hurt people, but it may not be something he can be prosecuted for--or for that matter even disciplined by the church for.



When the church (and other authorities) keep these files they do so to keep an eye on things. Usually there is far more than meets the eye, and far more than they can disclose publicly for legal reasons and for reasons of discretion, fairness to the accused and the desire not to cause scandal and outrage amongst the faithful. I happen to know of several cases where the priest or religious were finally caught and brought to trial or disciplined by the church authorities and the thing they were disciplined for was only the tip of the iceberg. However, due to legal and disciplinary procedures, they were only tried on the particular case. People in the know, however, realized that the particular man had a great fat file back in the offices of all sorts of other complaints, hints, problems and red flags which on their own may not have been criminal or worth disciplining, but taken together made them know the man was guilty.



I knew an Anglican priest, for example, who worked as a spiritual director for private boarding schools. He used to turn up and stay overnight and enjoyed spending time with the boys when they were getting ready for bed, showering and changing. He would play tennis with them and shower with them afterward. Everybody knew that old Father so and so liked watching the boys get naked. There were complaints. He hung around the boys too much. People were uncomfortable. The files got fatter and the rumors were rampant. Still, hanging around boys changing at school isn't criminal. It's just not nice. Then he finally fell into further temptation and committed a sex act on a teenager. Then the police prosecuted. They questioned a friend of mine who knew the priest and said, "Father, believe us. We would not be prosecuting on just one accusation. We'd let the priest off with a warning. We're prosecuting because there are so many other stories and rumors and unsavory things happening,



However, they could not go public on any of the other stuff they had on him because it was circumstantial, rumors, complaints or simply not criminal even though it was creepy. I've known dioceses and schools and religious orders that have behaved like this too. They've kept the rumors and complaints under wraps because they honestly can't do much about it until the whole thing explodes. Once it does, they already know enough to take action.



To the public (who don't know all the details, and mustn't know all the details for the sake of fairness of procedure and the reputation of third parties) it sometimes seems like an accusation out of the blue, or an accusation of an innocent party. This is what happens, and if anything, the church has been guilty of holding off too long when there has been wrongdoing. She often did so for very good pastoral reasons, and then was accused of a cover up. Now perhaps the pendulum is swinging the other way and some people who are innocent are being accused.



That may be the case, but in Corapi's case there is just too much that is fishy for him to be innocent. His refusal to co operate with the investigation, his living on his own outside of community or church discipline, his payment of $100,000 to keep the woman (and other employees) quiet, his running a for profit enterprise that has brought him great wealth, his refusal to obey his religious superiors and most of all his public renunciation of his priestly ministry---all this is too much.

  

One can give the benefit of the doubt only so far. Still, this is not for me to condemn the man. My opinion is that he is guilty as charged, but if I am wrong and he is proved innocent then praise God and I'll eat humble pie. Even if I think he is guilty, I still feel compassion for him and remind myself and everyone that we are all sinners and let's offer up a prayer for him for he is our brother.

The Bright Line

Wednesday evening Mass at Our Lady of the Rosary is quiet and contemplative. I celebrate ad orientem and there is time for me to pray and not worry about all the details. This is when I most often have 'an experience'.



This evening, I must admit, I was feeling rather melancholy about the scandals with Fr Corapi and Kit Cunningham and the nastiness of comments on the blogs and the denial and sad soul searching that is going on.



I was also aware of my own frailty. Fr Corapi? Yes, there but for the grace of God go I. It seemed to me that being a priest was really too difficult for anyone to do, and for a moment I doubted the whole thing. What me--changing the bread and wine to the body and blood of Christ? I don't think so. In fact, the whole thing is a wonderfully ornate and Byzantine make believe. Very beautiful and inspiring, but not more than a complex network of wishful thinking.



Yes, but then I looked out at the faithful and I looked at the two boys serving Mass and holy deacon and the simple church we have and the one we want to build and I thought of all the faithful who have been in all the churches and the places in which I have been privileged to worship: Kings College Chapel, Mont St Michel, St Peter's in Rome, St Mary's Brading, St Laurence, Bradford on Avon, Santa Croce, the Holy Sepulchre, St Catherine's, Sinai, St Mark's Venice, and more--the village church in El Salvador, the chapel of the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, Assissi, Ravenna, Florence and the list goes on. How could all of these experiences, all of these moments be a wasted ephemera of my imagination?



Then I saw the pilgrimage path as a bright line of light. When I first entered the line of light it was broad and bright and full and there seemed to be so many walking with me in the path of light. I thought the path of light would get broader and bigger and brighter as I journeyed home and I came to realize that the opposite is true. The bright line is getting narrower and sharper and harder to walk. As I go to the source of light it is becoming narrow as a laser beam and just as brilliant and hard to bear. It is more like walking a tightrope of light, and any moment I may fall off into the darkness.



I thought about this as deacon read the gospel which was the list of apostles and I realized that this was the answer. Only as I walk in the path of the apostles and in the path the apostolic church sets before me do I have any hope. I can't make up the path on my own. Only by prayer and discipline and submission to the way of the church may I hope to make my pilgrim progress.



And in that realization there was peace and a joy knowing that it was never up to me anyway, and that all I can hope to do is walk faithfully as I am able and try to stay in the light.

Orange Crystal

It seems the Catholic Diocese of Orange in California is exploring the possibility of buying Protestant pastor Robert Schuller's famous Crystal Cathedral. You can read about it here. This is both disturbing and exciting at the same time. It's disturbing because, to be honest, the crystal cathedral is a ghastly, vulgar, monstrous greenhouse, and the idea that a Catholic diocese wants to buy it and turn it into their cathedral is very disappointing. However, given the parking garage that they built up the pike in Los Angeles, the Crystal Cathedral at least has a sense of light and space to it.



But what is exciting about this development is that the reason the huge place is up for sale is because Shuller's ministry is bankrupt. So much for positive thinking then, and the reason this is exciting for Catholics is that we can start to imagine what it would be like if some other Protestant ministries went bankrupt and put their stuff up at auction. Here in Greenville, Bob Jones University has a pretty fantastic collection of Catholic art. How would it be if they went bankrupt and put all the paintings and vestments and sacred vessels out in a yard sale? We could buy it all back again. Think what it would be like in England if the Church of England went bankrupt and the Catholic Church could buy back all those cathedrals and churches that were stolen 500 years ago.



Alas, I think all we're likely to get from the bankruptcy of Protestantism is the odd crystal cathedral or a few second hand pews or wide screen TVs and dry ice machines from the local mega church named "Living Waters" or "Passing Wind" or "Inner Spring". Even more depressing is the realization that if Bob Jones did put their pictures up at a yard sale 98% of American Catholics wouldn't cough up a penny to buy them back. They'd be too busy investing in one of those candle stands with electric fake candles for their parish, or totally involved in building a church that looked like a scaled down, brick version of the crystal cathedral.



This is when I get all nostalgic for the Middle Ages. Yes, I know it was smelly and they didn't have proper health care and it was cold and they didn't have orthodontics or iPhones or proper sewers. But they had Gothic churches and Gregorian chant and folk religion and I know I would have been quite happy as a monk in a scriptorium somewhere sauntering off to the divine office eighteen times a day and eating turnips, (except during Lent when I would only eat dirt) and I won't be convinced otherwise.

The Dark Lord Shea-uman Brags Again

The Dark Lord says that he has 621 followers. I've got 715...Mwahahahahaha...



What I don't get is that I am sure that the Dark Lord has far more readers than I do (if numbers of comments have anything to do with it) So what's up? Can any of the techies out there explain such deep and wonderful mysteries?



By the way, if you are interested in the new media check out this website for a new book that both the Dark Lord and I (Gandalf the Dwhite) have contributed to. There will be more about this stunning new book before long.

Fr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde

So now we have the truth about Fr. Corapi, and English Catholics are dealing with the truth about a well known and much loved priest, Fr. Kit Cunningham. Fr. Kit appeared to be a 'lovable eccentric' who did much good and hob nobbed with all the media types in London. Turns out when he was a young priest working in a school in Africa he molested little boys and then helped cover up his crimes and the crimes of his fellow priests at the school. You can read about it here if you have a strong stomach.



There is shock and horror all around, and the usual bleating from the faithful, "How could it be true! He baptized my children! He was so delightful! He was such a great preacher! He was always kind to the poor! He was one of the best priests I've ever known!" Then there is the denial, "Those accusers must be exaggerating! There is a sinister plot! It's the bishop's fault! He has it out for Father Sliptalot! We mustn't judge before Fr. Foolabout has a chance to answer for himself! He never really took a vow of poverty anyway! That woman he was with--he was counseling her! That's all! She is a crazy drunk and addict! Those men who remember being molested--that sort of thing went on in boarding schools! It's no big deal! The other priests are jealous of Father Jekyll."



I don't understand how people, who are otherwise pretty canny professionals, seem to understand so very little about male psychology. Why is it possible for Fr. Jekyll to turn to the dark side and become the monster Mr. Hyde? It's because men have that membrane between the two lobes of their brain that allows them to compartmentalize stuff. Men can be objective and separate out different parts of their existence and behavior. This allow us to concentrate better than women, but not to multi task as well as women. It also allows us to get on and do nasty things if we have to without being emotionally involved. So the male hunter has to get food for his family and he sees mama deer with Bambi. He shoots them both and brings home the bacon. A woman would cry and say, "But you can't shoot that darling little fawn while he's nursing his mama!!" Bang! "Fuhgeddaboudit. I gotta eat" says the brute.



The same ability to compartmentalize allows a man to wear a uniform and play a role in society more routinely and effectively than a woman. Most men do this all the time without thinking. Dad puts on a business suit and goes out into the world to do business with his business persona firmly in place. Dad puts on his work clothes, his uniform, his persona and gets on with the job. This does not mean that he is always a fake and that his work does not involve his personality or that he is some sort of automaton. It's just that one part of his brain is kicking in and the other parts of him are blocked. He's compartmentalizing.



A priest has to do this big time. He's always putting on a uniform. He wears the clericals. He wears a cassock. He puts on vestments for the liturgy. As he does so he enacts the part of the priest. He's doing his job. This does NOT mean he's a phony. It doesn't mean he's not real or not a good man or not a good priest. It's simply part of the job. However--should that man be struggling with a dark side of his personality the uniform and playing the part of the priest can become an alternative reality. He can start believing that the holy priest he is presenting to the world is actually the same as his real personality. In other words, if a priest is struggling with some dark secret, then the alternative priestly persona becomes a secure refuge, and the darker and more obscene the secret, the more perfect the priestly persona has to be. See how it works?  The worse my dark secret, the better I have to pretend on the outside to show everyone (and especially myself) what a good person I am. That's why the ones who crash and burn are always, "The best priest I have ever known!"



Meanwhile the poor guy is compartmentalizing like mad. He's pushing away all the dark stuff, not dealing with it, denying it ever happened or saying, "I slipped up. It won't happen again." He locks it all down and keeps up the show. Unfortunately, his religious superiors, his parishioners, colleagues, family and friends too often collude with the deception because they also want to believe that Father Wonderful really is as wonderful as he appears. So they overlook the danger signs as 'little foibles' or 'obvious faults'. They did this with Fr. Cunningham (who I knew from my time in England). He was (in my experience) a leery, rather creepy drunkard and snob who was involved much too closely with the secretary of the parish. But everyone said, "He was a benevolent and boozy old coot who had a roguish eye for the ladies." Seems he had an eye for the laddies as well.



He (and his order) were compartmentalizing big time and so you end up with Fr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Do you remember that scene in C.S.Lewis' The Great Divorce? A large, pompous fellow (I forget his name--call him Stanley) is talking to the shade of his wife and he's playing the great dramatic scene of self pity and self importance. Meanwhile the wife (who is a humble soul) is talking to a little dwarf that the big man Stanley holds on a chain. The pompous fool says to her, "Don't talk to him. Talk to me my darling!" She replies that the dwarf is who she wants to talk to because it is the real Stanley. The pretend Stanley had taken over and the real Stanley was shrinking. Finally the fake Stanley give a final pull on the chain and the real Stanley disappears forever. So it is when a false persona takes over the real person.



Please don't get me wrong folks. I'm not saying all priests are like this. I'm simply saying that some are, (just like many lay people are) and when this twisted dynamic of compartmentalizing and faking it takes over (no matter who it is) things gets very messy for everyone. Also, please understand that while some people do this big time, many more do it on a lesser scale. Other men do it for a time, and then get over it and grow up.



What makes it all the more complicated is that the priest really is supposed to grow out of himself and 'grow up into the full stature of Christ  Jesus'.  We really are supposed to fill the vestments and become the 'alter Christus' that we are called to be. To do this we have to pretend sometimes. We have to try hard by God's grace. We stumble and fall and get up again, but what we can't do is compartmentalize our dark side, deny our wrongdoing and justify our sin. That way lies destruction.



Instead, like all of God's children, we priests have to acknowledge our sin, turn to Christ, plead for mercy and allow God's grace to somehow work that transformation in our souls before Mr. Hyde takes over and Fr. Jekyll disappears forever.

Look for the Little Ones

Where shall we find a holy person? Where shall we find a saint? It is difficult because the real saint is hidden and humble and holy. Instead of looking for the hidden holy ones we fall for the  celebrity 'saint'. We want the big dramatic conversion story. We want the dynamic, uncompromising speaker. We like the one who speaks out on sin and rails against the devil.



Have you ever noticed how the popular speakers do this? They score points every time they get down on homosexuals or speak up against the sexual immorality of the day. They get the applause when they take down the socialists or the feminists or the sinners of some sort, and then the faithful feel all good about themselves and that makes them love their big time speaker all the more. I listen to the faithful enthuse about their favorite priest and the ones they seem to like best are the ones who inveigh against sin. Preaching against sin is all well and good, but not when it's all about "Look at those terrible sinners out there! Isn't it awful out there? Isn't it a terrible world we live in??!!" Then the faithful all huddle together and get cozy and self righteous together in their little fortress of faith.



It's nauseating. Stop and consider that the real saints are hidden. They follow the little way. If you were to tell them they were a saint they would laugh and tell you to keep searching. If you even had the sense and discernment to see the saint next to you--the ordinary person who perseveres--the little person who serves others--the plain Jane who takes life easily and simply loves people, then you would learn again what true holiness really is. If we only had eyes to see the simplicity of the saints, the extraordinary ordinariness of holiness, the practical good humor and humility of the truly grace filled ones.



The confessional is where I am reminded about true holiness. I love sitting in the confessional and listening to the distress of ordinary people about their sins because their sins are so few and less serious than my own. When I listen to confessions I am more often impressed and humbled by the holiness of the penitent and not his sinfulness, and with each act of contrition I hear, my heart repeats it over with them for their penitence has softened my own heart and revealed my own lack.



Then my mind turns to the little saints I have known: an old woman who lived in a cabin in the woods and with gentle good humor and love turned my poisoned wayward heart back to God. A Poor Clare nun who lived as a hermit for years and endured great pain and hardship and yet never once complained. She always thought the best of everyone and believed not in my image, but in who I could really be. A Missionary of Charity I meet in El Salvador who serves mentally handicapped adults all day every day. A priest who serves the poor and suffers intense and chronic pain and never complains. A Eucharistic minister who visits the housebound and spends time with them and loves doing it.



It is the little way that leads to salvation. Not the way of pride and pleasure and power. Not the way of wealth and the world. Not the way of ego and ambition.



Only the way of the cross.



When are we going to learn this?