Keely Knightley's Blog

☆ The Beauty Of It All- Out on Kindle NOW ☆

 The Beauty Of It All

‘The Beauty Of it All’ follows on from the previously release I Haven’t Lived At All. It acts as a testament to the importance of living each day as it comes, leaving yourself open to new opportunities and rolling with the punches.

Drawing a link between starting to live and finding the hidden beauty in life, ‘The Beauty Of It All’ takes a lighter and braver dive into the world, although the theme found within I Haven’t Lived At All remains strong.

Today I released ‘The Beauty Of It All’ on Kindle (all be it with no warning and no previous promoting!- more on this in a different post)

Please do take a look, give it a try and don’t forget to leave a review. Help me spread the word!

You can check out the preview of this book over on www.evelynknightley.com

Available on Amazon

#DearMe

Hey Guys!

I’ve spent an hour or so of my Friday night catching up on some youtube videos, and I noticed a lot of them titled #DearMe, these videos are you tubers speaking to their younger selves and sharing a few pearls of wisdom from present to past selves. This struck a chord with me. I’ve always struggled to not dislike who I was growing up, but I figured now is the time to sit back and take a real reflection on who younger me really was.

If you’re inspired to do this yourself, please do link me to this, I’d love to see!

– E

x

Dear Me,

Firstly I need you to know that you’re doing great and I wish you could be proud of yourself. You’re doing the best you can, don’t expect any more of yourself and know that it’s okay to struggle.

You really don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself. Getting good grades and doing well in school is important, sure, but it doesn’t define your worth and you’ll be just fine.��You don’t need to prove anything to yourself or anyone else.

To add on to this, stop punishing yourself because of who you are and because of things that are��out of your control. I know you don’t see it just yet, but you really are very strong and I wish you could find kindness towards yourself.

It’s okay that you don’t enjoy the same things as your peers; books interest you more than ��staying out late and getting into trouble- one day you’ll really appreciate that you stuck to your guns and stayed true to yourself. You might feel like you’re missing out, or that you’re weird because you’re content staying in with a movie and a couple of friends rather than going out and…doing whatever it was everyone else was doing. This is just who you are, and it won’t change, but one day you’ll meet like-minded people who will enjoy this with you, and you’ll meet people who love your quirks and despite calling you Grandma, they really won’t judge you for this.

People like you, no really, they do. You’ll lose contact with a lot of people, but you’ll meet so many new and inspiring people. Their company will always be a pleasure and you’ll learn so much about yourself because of them.

You’ll meet a guy, too, and despite all of your stubbornness that��(in the words of Paramore) “I’m��content with loneliness,” he’ll change this and you’ll be glad you allowed yourself to let your guard down.

This is a rule that could be applied to life in general, let more people in and don’t close yourself off from others. It’s frustrating when it feels like no one is really listening or trying to understand you, but at the same time it’s equally as frustrating for someone to be talking to a wall.

You’re going to experience some more hard times, but you’ll get through them. You’ll need to take some time to heal yourself, but with the aid of good friends, good memories and a lot of laughter, you’ll begin that journey.

Don’t take everything so seriously. A lot of things just aren’t worth the effort and there are some things you just need to let go. You can’t control everything, and although this will annoy you to no end, you’ll learn to deal with it and you’ll accept that not being in control of everything isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I know you’ve always believed that there was something worth living for, and you were never quite sure what that was; you’ll slowly begin to see these small parts of life that are worth the world.

Appreciate the simple things in life, because these are the things that make you happy: friends, family, love, dreams and laughter, these are the things that really matter to you.

You’re not perfect, and you might not have your life completely together (you’ll learn that nobody really does!) It’s the journey that counts. Embrace it.

You’re doing��okay, kid.

Searching for a bit of inner peace ||Dealing with Anxiety

Hi all!

I’m here with something a bit different for this blog. I hope that’s okay! Anxiety is something that’s becoming more widely spoken about. Hooray, I say to that. I wanted to add in my own 2 cents, for what they’re worth.

I was diagnosed with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) about 2 years ago, alongside this I was also sent for an assessment for OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder.)��Sometimes it’s hard for me to differentiate between the two, often anxiety is present on it’s own but OCD is never without the anxiety. Since the diagnosis of both of these, I’ve had 6 months of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and��was prescribed medication.

I wanted to make a post about anxiety because, despite the help I’ve received, it’s still something I suffer from. I also know a lot of people who suffer with anxiety, and I really believe that openness is key in dealing with this.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is actually a very handy tool in stressful or dangerous situations. Back in the days when we were hunter gatherers, living in the wilderness and protecting ourselves from predators, anxiety was key in our survival. Anxiety can simply be described as fight-or-flight response.��A danger is recognised and our body prepares to react; do you fight it or do you run for the hills?

My therapist once explained this to me in very simple terms; a lion comes into a room and your body has a reaction.

Hormones such as adrenaline are released into your body, this quickens your ��heart beat, your breathing, your nerve responses among other effects. If you’re in danger, your body is automatically readying itself to deal with the threat.��

Anxiety becomes a problem when your body has this same response to situations that aren’t threats. When this takes place, you’re experiencing the same emotions and physical responses as you would if you were in danger. You begin to feel scared, tense, stressed and it’s probable that you will experience physical responses too; ��such as, dizziness, palpitations, sweatiness, dry mouth, trembling and fast breathing.

Living with Anxiety

I often experience the above symptoms of anxiety, and anxiety can often become a panic attack. (I can write more about this in a different post if anybody would like me to.) Anxiety is easier to deal with if you can recognise your triggers. For me, my triggers largely centre around crowded places, changed plans and generally not feeling in complete control of a situation. Occasionally this leaks on to every day things such as travelling, transport and sometimes even leaving the house. I’ve also noticed that my anxiety becomes a lot worse (and I’m more likely to have a panic attack) if I’m feeling particularly run down and becoming ill.

It can often feel like anxiety is taking control of your life, and for those of you who also suffer with anxiety, you know how horrible that is. For me, my triggers seem to completely clash with my interests. I love music and gigs, I love cities, I love holidays; I’ve been to New York twice, loved it and would love to go again. My anxiety seems to get in the way of these things. How can I go to a gig and enjoy the music when even the thought of the crowd, fire exits, ceilings collapsing (you get the idea) brings anxiety on- it’s also interesting to note that my fear of crowds then leads on to thoughts the building falling down. Talk about jumping the gun. I’ve felt very down more than a few times over the thought of never being able to visit New York again because I know that right now I couldn’t handle it, sometimes anxiety can feel like it’s ruining your life.

Dealing with Anxiety

Anxiety can influence day-to-day decisions. For me, it’s important that I both make an allowance for things that I can/can’t do whilst not letting it completely ruin my week. For example, if my anxiety seems to be based around leaving the house or catching a bus; I do just that. It’s a lot easier said than done, but I know from experience that the longer you avoid doing something the more terrifying it becomes. It’s like the saying, Destroy what destroys you. If anxiety is telling you not to leave the house, do it anyway and when you next return home you’ll have proof for yourself that nothing bad is going to happen.

Having said that, it’s important not to be hard on yourself and not to push yourself too far. If I get overwhelmed walking around a shop, the chances are that going to a gig or the cinema isn’t going to do me any favours.��I have a reasonable expectation of myself. I really believe this is important in not letting anxiety completely rule your life.

I struggle to find techniques that really help deal with my anxiety, and even after 2 different forms of therapy (although neither solely focused on anxiety- it of course was a discussion point) I find anxiety hard to deal with. There are things that help take the edge off of it, and sometimes just having a plan in place for the next bout of anxiety is a helpful reassurance.

Leaves on a River- This is a method I practised during CBT. It involves picturing a river surrounded by trees. In my mind, it’s always autumn and the wind is softly touching the leaves and making them fall from their branches and into the river below. As the leaves float down the river, every thought you have is placed on to a leaf and you just watch it sail away. It’s human nature to have a continuous stream of mental junk in your head, this is made even worse during anxiety. Leaves on a river gives you chance to recognise and place each thought.

There are simple, small things that are go-to coping methods for me. Lighting a scented candle, opening a window and putting on some relaxing music in a dimly lit room engages different sense and takes some of my focus away from my mind and on to things such as a pleasant scent, noise and breeze around me.

Most importantly, talking to people is the greatest help of all. Nobody likes to feel alone, and everybody wants to be heard. It’s a great comfort to know that you’re understood and not alone in your suffering.

My anxiety becomes a harder entity to deal with when it isn’t living independently of my OCD. During my CBT, a lot of the focus was on not following my compulsive thoughts, this alone increases anxiety but sometimes it appears the other way around. OCD has also become a way for me to deal with anxiety, a distraction method I suppose. Sometimes an internal argument takes place; do I simply fulfil my OCD behaviours in order to add a temporary relief to my anxiety, or do I ignore these behaviours at the risk of increasing my already present anxiety? This is something that has been a particular struggle over the past few weeks, but I have faith that I’ll find a balance.

I suppose I’ll leave put an end to this post now! If there’s anything I’ve mentioned that you’d like to read more about, please do let me know. I apologise if this is a bit long-winded, this is a new kind of post for me but I hope it was a …helpful/interesting read?

-E

X

Help me bring a book to life- The Beauty Of It All

Preview of cover for “The Beauty of it All” �� Jay Heath

Kickstarter Page

In 2013, I embarked on a mission to self-publish my first book of short stories and poetry; I Haven’t Lived At All. This was a learning curve for me, and it’s to my joy that I have received positive reviews!(You can take a look at Goodreads reviews here!)

This was only possible because of Kickstarter, and I hope this can help me again.

I played it safe, I was held back by fear and caution and I see it being so much more than what it already is. Now, I have new vision.

An anthology of poetry and art work, featuring favourites from I Haven’t Lived At All along with an array of artwork inspired by the poetry.

�� Doodleheart Illustration

How is this book different?

Firstly, this book will now be strictly poetry- no short stories. I feel like this gives it a more of a ‘category’ and easier to follow.

Of course, it will have a new cover, new formatting, new poetry. Whilst I will still be including poetry from I Haven’t Lived At All, I can promise that this will be bigger and better.

The most exciting part for me is my aim to include art work inspiredby the poetry. I want this to be different and something myself and others can really be proud of. (And on this note, if you’re interested in contributing to this book- please drop me an email:contact@evelynknightley.co.uk)

What will my money go towards?

During the process of self-publishing I Haven’t Lived At All, I discovered just how much I underestimated. This goes in hand with why I feel the book isn’t as good as it could have been, I cut a lot of corners in order to stick to a budget. This time, my aim is to rise more money and to not cut corners.

Your money will go towards (list includes but is not limited to);

– Formatting

– Editing

– Printing

– Artwork/Illustration

– Advertising/Marketing

With any left over funds, I would love to create prints of the artwork involved in the book and other forms of merchandise. I want this to be special.

Kickstarter Page

The Beauty Of It All

Hello Guys and Gals!!

I’ve been saying for ages that I’m working on something, and these weren’t just empty words. All is now revealed with this Kickstart project!

For those of you who don’t know, I Haven’t Lived At All was funded and made possible by Kickstarted, and I truly hope the kindness and support of you all with help make this next book possible.

Please take a look and spread the word. Heck, pledge if you want! Just talk about it, spread the word. That helps more than you know.

I’m here if you have any questions at all!!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/wallflower-x/the-beauty-of-it-all

Giveaway!!

Hey guys,

I’m in a pretty good mood after submitting my first Open University assignment (back on the education bandwagon) and this is made even better by re-watching season 1 of Game of Thrones. To celebrate the simple pleasures in life, I’ve launched a give away to win a copy of “I Haven’t Lived At All.” Who doesn’t love a freebie?!

Just click this link:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Special Offer!!

Hello you lovely lot,

You may have noticed that I’ve recently hit (and exceeded) over 300 likes on my facebook page *mini celebration*

In order to say THANK YOU I have launched a special sale over in my store.

You can now purchase “I Haven’t Lived At All” for ��3 (down from ��6.99!)

There are also a few more special treats over there too.

Please do take a look and spread the word.

ENTER STORE

What we think we become.

Happy January!

I’ve got some time on my hands over the next few weeks, and already I think I’ve been overly optimistic on how much I can fit into this time. I’m sure I’m not the only one guilty of this, there’s just something about ‘free time’ that feels very uncomfortable and instead I see this as an opportunity to tick off a few things from my long neglected to-do list.

A few months ago I signed up to a home course in forensic science, so it’s about time I really cracked on with that. I do these home courses with no real plan to use them, but once I become interested in something I can’t help but jump at the chance to learn as much as I can. I’ve also signed up to Open University in order to finish my degree. Writing remains my priority, and it always will, but my love to learn remains strong and I’m sure it can only improve my writing; knowledge is power, right?

I feel like during 2014 I really let reading slip to the side, which actually makes me very sad in retrospect because there’s nothing I love more than discovering a new world I can dive into. In order to rectify this, I’ve already dedicated a shelf to my ever-growing pile of books that I’m yet to read. Which is where I need your help! I want to know what books you love, books that changed your life, inspired you, made you laugh or made you cry.

As I have some spare time on my hands, you can expect some posts about my personal favourite books.

– E x

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Happy Holidays & Positive Thinking

Happy Belated Christmas to you all, and an early Happy New Year!

I’ve had a couple of days off work, and aside from spending time with my loved ones, I’ve also spent a lot of time watching back to back Dexter on Netflix (yes, I’m late to the show on this one but now I’m officially hooked.)

I just wanted to talk (type?) a little about 2015. I’m not usually one for New Year’s Resolutions, I’m usually of the mind set that a new year really doesn’t change much. This year it’s a little different, I’m facing a lot of changes and with this brings a new eagerness for life. I’ll be starting a new job in January, which I’m both nervous and excited about. I currently work with the best group of people, and it’ll be sad that we’re all parting ways but I feel like I really have made friends for life. I’ll be closing the chapter on a few things and I’ll be approaching what I like to think of as a new lease of life.

I have a few practical goals for 2015; find my own home, be successful in my new job, release a new book, perhaps get back to learning to drive. More so than these, I feel the importance to strip back to basics of what’s important to me.

Over the past year or so I’ve been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, and so have people who are very close to me. This is a sentiment that I’d like them to apply to themselves, and for you to do so as well.

Life can be so fast-paced, days blur into one and it’s easy to fall into habits. It’s easy to get weighed down by daily stresses and stresses that you create in your own head (guilty!) There’s a lot to be said about simply taking time out of your day to be kind to yourself, and this is my main goal for 2015. For me, being kind to myself can simply mean allowing myself to sit down with a book, quiet music in the background and a relaxing candle. I’ve been doing more of this over the past month or so, and it really helps with my anxiety. A lot of people feel as though they don’t deserve to take this time for themselves, simply don’t need to, or the idea of which just isn’t on their radar. I’ve found myself preaching the importance of this to a close friend of mine, and we’ve spent nights going through guided meditation techniques in order to take a step back from our stress and anxiety.

I’m not saying we should all go join a meditation group, but it’s so important to do what makes you feel good, something positive for yourself. Treat yourself in a way you would treat a loved one. It’s a small step to self-acceptance.

With this in mind, I also want to take the time to re-discover the things I was once passionate about, things that I’ve allowed my troubles to interfere with; be it education, creativity and anything else in between.

I don’t know if this really makes an awful lot of sense, but I feel like I lost myself for a while and I want to start the journey towards finding myself again. If any of you have found yourself feeling the same way in recent times, I implore you to do the same. Kindness towards yourself really will go a long way.

- E

x

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Is it too early for end of year ponderings?

Hi All,

I really am becoming poor at this blogging thing aren’t I. My lack of desk chair hasn’t helped, but yesterday I bought a new one and it feels so good to be sitting (as opposed to kneeling) at my desk! It’s hard to be productive when you’re straining to see the computer screen from way down on the floor. (I promise, this isn’t a blog based around my love of desk chairs…although.)

With my new found appreciation of all things practical, I really do hope this inspires me to be less slack with updating this site. I feel like things in life have been hectic and I haven’t really had time to sit down and allow myself the pleasure of just typing whatever pops into my head. That isn’t to say that I’ve been neglecting the old-fashioned pen and paper, in fact it’s received a lot of love over the past few months; and I hope I manage to make something of it.

The end of year is approaching, faster than I would like, so naturally I’ve found myself in a pondering state. I really am so excited for 2015, and I can’t quite describe why. This year has been very up and down, and I’ve got my fingers crossed for a more settled (or a more ‘up’) year. 2015 will bring the start of a new full-time job, and I’m so excited for a new challenge! It will bring the end of a years worth of therapy, something I’d perhaps like to blog about in the future, when things are more settled in my mind. I only have good things to say about this, and I wish I’d have done it sooner! I hope to my have my own home, although that depends on so many different factors and I’m excited to see what the next year has in store for me and t’other half. (That’s also been a new addition to my life this year!) 

I wish I had more to update you on in terms of ‘new book’ world, but I really am just taking to my time. I don’t want to rush myself this time, but it’s something I am forever working towards. So many ideas, so little time.

I have a few book reviews that I need to post, but I avert your eyes to the first paragraph; r.e desk chair!

Forgive my past inability to sit down and type cohesive sentences. I really will try better.

- E

x