Leslea Tash's Blog, page 40
June 24, 2013
ODD
That’s not screaming you hear. It’s just the sound of a morning’s worth of plans for the day being wrecked by someone who can’t - really, CAN NOT - cooperate today, no matter how much fun we had planned.
I am so angry and frustrated.
C25K Day 1
Because, why not?
I could only make it 18:44, but this music was helpful.
Ugh, I’m so sweaty now. Feel like 
Got the leg twitchy thing going, though.
Trying to get Tim to try before he goes to work.
June 23, 2013
chloweafterdark:
halfstoned:
Unbelievable Rooms around the...
June 22, 2013
Look! I went to the Ren Faire and see who was there to greet...
Look! I went to the Ren Faire and see who was there to greet me? The Wizard, himself, and his fairy friend Violet!
June 21, 2013
June 20, 2013
June 19, 2013
Bird After Bird, Owl After Owl? ;)
Bird After Bird, Owl After Owl? ;)
The best diets do themselves.
There’s a lot I want out of life, and very little of it has to do with societal approval.
Before we go much further, let’s get a few things straight: I meet this wonderful predetermined checklist of societal pluses from the get-go:
I am intelligent. Like, “Who Would You Want in Charge During the Zombie Apocalypse? Smart.”
I’m reasonably attractive when poured into heavy-duty founational garments and photographed from my good side in the right light.
I’m a loyal friend with a genuine fondness for people and proclivity for forgiveness.
I’m kind.
I’m talented.
Sorry if I’m not all that humble, but have I mentioned I’m honest?
Purportedly, I have a good sense of humor.
Having survived my share of crapola in this life, I have a lot of empathy for others and try to almost never give advice, but share my experience where it can lend strength and maybe even inspire hope.
I’m creative.
I’m a great mother and a fantastic wife.
Eh, and I think #9 is *the thing.* Because I am creative, and because I have lived through shit, and because I am smart enough to know how things *ought to have been* or how they *ought to be* now and I have a deep, abiding desire to have that vision be heard/understood, I write.
I write and I write and I write. I write in ways that are relatable. Sometimes too relatable. Sometimes lines blur for readers and they find themselves empathizing with me to the point where they think they understand my history, that they know all my secrets—or that they know *enough* to speak to *my* experience.
Ladies & gents, no one can speak to anyone else’s experience.
Let that sink in for a moment.
When I was new to 12 Step work, OH, how I did love to explain to others what my mother thought. What my mother thought and what my mother would do.
In reality, all I could accurately report was what my mother *said* and what my mother *did*. I was not in her mind or her body so I could not actually verify with reliability what she lived through, why she thought what she did, and why she chose to take certain actions in the present. I def. didn’t have the Madame Zelda power to look into a crystal ball and see the future, did I?
My friends in Al-Anon encouraged me gently to just speak about my own experiences. They told me it was okay to just focus on me. If I hurt, it was okay to accept that & work on healing.
After a life of second-guessing & approval-seeking, that was so hard to do. Healing, that is. Eventually I turned that over to the God of my understanding (heh, who understands God?) and I am so much better.
But sometimes, because I still live with the heart of a woman who was neglected as a child, I find myself reaching out for nurture from those who are unable to give. Maybe from friends who’ve read bits and pieces of my story. Maybe from the Universe via Facebook. (Lord help me if the God of my understanding is Facebook.) Maybe at the time I do not realize I am reaching out for nurture. Maybe I am just comfortable with myself being candid, vulnerable, and real…
Until someone steps in my eye instead of giving me a “like.”
People, I gotta tell you. There are a lot of things I want out of life and getting everyone to “like” my statuses is not one of them.
That’s when I have to take a step back and ask myself what I really want to do with my time. Is it bleed on FB? Or is it write an insightful, creative, imaginative book?
This week I made plans to write A LOT and so I have been using my best friend SelfControl. The only reason I’m blogging right now is I’ve still got 1.5 hours on SelfControl before I can rejoin FB (unless I want to cheat and use my phone, which is a PITA).
The best diets do themselves. If you ONLY have fresh veggies and locally grown organic proteins in your fridge, you will slim down and be healthy. If you ONLY have access to sites on your computer that won’t distract you with needy emotional drama instead of writing needy emotional drama (heh), then what WILL you get at the end of the day?
For me today it was 3 chapters in a WIP and two rounds of edit approvals with an editor for an antho I’ll be in later this year. Three chapters in one day *on the same book* is an achievement for me. When school was in I was skipping back and forth between three WIPs but this week I’ve got a quieter house so I just wanted to GO for it and I’m so glad I did. Tomorrow I’ll shoot for four chapters. I really want to finish this book, then finish the next. I really want to be a 10k/day writer, every M-F. This is my job, this is how I want to roll. This is what I want from my life, step 1. The other steps involve y’all out there in the ether BUYing my books and me making a living at writing.
THAT’s the stuff I want.
The rest of the bullshit can eat itself.
