Rick Warren's Blog, page 572

Requirements of Restored Relationship

Forgiveness is not resuming a relationship without change. In fact, forgiveness and resuming a relationship are two different things. One of them is what you do as the offended person. Resuming the relationship is what the other person does in order to get back into your good graces. Saying ���I���m sorry��� is not enough. In fact, the Bible teaches three things that are essential to resume a relationship that���s been broken. These are all what the offender has to do.

Focus on Reconciliation, Not Resolution

When you have conflict in your life, focus on reconciliation, not resolution. There���s a big difference in those two words. Reconciliation means re-establishing the relationship. Resolution means resolving every issue.

Fix the Problem, Not the Blame

You only have a certain amount of emotional energy. In a conversation where you���re trying to resolve conflict, you can either use that energy to fix the blame or you can use that energy to fix the problem. You don���t have enough energy to do both. So you���ve got to ask yourself what���s more important, to blame the other person or to resolve the conflict.

Courageous People Resolve Conflict

Why does God want us to live at peace with everyone? Because unresolved conflict has three devastating effects in your life.

First, it blocks your fellowship with God. When you���re out of whack with others, you can���t be in harmony with God. When you���re distracted, when you���re in conflict with other people, you cannot have a clear connection with God. The Bible says, ���If someone says, ���I love God,��� but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar��� (1 John 4:20a NLT, second edition).

Do You Need a Heart Transplant?

If you���re going to get control of anger in your life, you must base your identity in Jesus, understanding that he loves you unconditionally, that you are his, that you are valuable, and that he has a purpose and plan for your life.

Anger Yields Anger, Wisdom Yields Patience

Hurt people hurt people. When someone hurts you, it���s because they���ve been hurt. Unkind people have never felt kindness. Unloving people feel unloved. When someone is rude, bitter, unkind, sarcastic, mean spirited, or arrogant, they are shouting with all of their behaviors, ���I am in pain! I need massive doses of love! I do not feel secure!��� Because secure, loved people don���t act that way. The person who feels deeply loved and deeply secure is generous and gracious to other people.

Before You Retaliate, Calculate the Cost

If you calculate the cost of anger, you���re less likely to get angry when somebody���s pushing your buttons.

Personalize God���s Word to Change Your Life

God���s Word will never change your life until you let it become personal. It���s not about your neighbor, your friend, your spouse, or the stranger down the street. God���s Word must be applied to your life. The Bible won���t become dynamic until it becomes specific.

What to Do with Biblical Truth

When you discover the truth in God���s Word, there are four things you need to do with it:

Cut Others Some Slack

The Bible says wisdom is full of mercy and good deeds: ���The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere��� (James 3:17 NIV).