Roxanne M. Dawson's Blog, page 3

A Telephone’s Reaction and the Neighbors

3 years back I was a morning person. Now I can barely get up before 10. My best friend knows this, especially since she randomly calls at all hours of the day (aka between 7am and 1am) I don’t mind her calling at night, I actually love it, but when she calls me in the morning I explode. She has this nasty habit of not listening to me. I always tell her, don’t call before 10 no matter what. I’ll either be asleep or who knows where doing you know what, but for that small chance that I indeed am asleep I told her not to call. She still calls me for that 50% chance that I’m awake. Ok, I don’t mind that either, but whenever she calls in the morning, she always always has the luck to reach me on my 50% chance of sleeping. All I want is to sleep leave me alone people. Sometimes it’s my fault since she knows on some of those days I’m supposed to be awake, but due to various reasons I’m not and she wakes me up. TT_TT My sleep, I barely get any these days.

Something else that gets on my nerves, even more, are the neighbors. You know when they randomly decide to renovate their house? I live in an apartment complex and I hear everything, especially when they start their infernal racket at 7 in the morning. You jump out of bed all startled (only time when I rise from bed similar to Dracula from a coffin, all straight) thinking that WW3 is happening. It’s even worse when they continue with it all day and deep into the night for week maybe months to come. I want my relaxing and silent days back!

The Job Experiment

For a few weeks now I’ve been searching for a job. I have no experience whatsoever (volunteering and a 5 day period of KFC slaving don’t count on a CV or otherwise) so guess my surprise when no one called. Most of the jobs I applied for had a no experience needed on their front, but I guess that is one major lie. And they weren’t such jobs that you would say “Oh, you shouldn’t have applied there. You have no chances.”

They were mostly working as a book store clerk (high school graduates with no experience can apply – big fat lie, a friend that’s my age applied too, she didn’t get called either), a cinema (found out later that they called in for an interview the one that had a lot of work experience, the more you had the better), a shoe store (the same, no experience needed) and many more. I started thinking at first that maybe my CV is at fault, but I applied with it to other places 2 years ago and I got called in for interviews, even if I didn’t go in the end (was hospitalized for two weeks due to a kidney stone problem). And now, nothing! I’m getting desperate really.

My friend helped me in the end. He knew a café owner that needed a waitress. I eagerly accepted his offer and went to meet the guy. Okay! We established that he’ll call me Sunday night to get down on all the details. Sunday came; I stayed near my phone all night. An hour passed since 16 (he said he’ll call me between 16 and 20:30), two hours passed and so on and no call. At 20 I called my friend and he said the guy most likely forgot and that I should go to the café the next morning to talk to him.

Good, that’s exactly what I did. I dressed accordingly to the standards he told me about (aka French braid, black shoes and pants and a white blouse). I went there eagerly, but I was running late so I arrived half an hour later than the time he opened up the café. I thought no worries, it’ll be okay. It wasn’t! I got there and what was that on the door. “Sorry! We’re closed.”…I hate my life. A few days passed and I still haven’t heard a word from the guy. TT_TT Back to the drawing board!

The importance of being pretty #1

We all remember the days when our mothers would kiss us, as well as embrace us and afterwards tell us how we were the prettiest girl in the world. We all remember the birthday parties or the days when we were bullied and our mothers would comfort us and call us her pretty little princess. I believe most women when they were young girls loved considering themselves pretty and adored the idea of being a princess. I loved it, my friends loved it.

Of course as you get older your priorities change and some want to follow the standards of the world in what pretty means and a part don’t care. I was former. It wasn’t that I liked dolling myself up like the other girls did or that maybe I did it in my own way. No, I just didn’t like or more didn’t care about beauty. I was a little kid, I wasn’t even considered as having started puberty, all I thought about all day was playing outside with my friends, watching cartoons on TV, playing with dolls (we didn’t have a computer back then). That might have been the starting point of my personal experience with the word pretty.

I have to admit I was a tomboyish girl. A part of us women today were. If we admit or not, we know that back then we weren’t the standard of girls. We preferred playing with boys; we hanged out with them more. I had more to talk with them back then than girls, a miracle since today, apart from a selected few, I am very much tongue tied when it comes to guys. Now the topic of men is the bane of my existence. I admire handsome men, I admire even more so the ones that can actually make me laugh and feel at ease around them and they are very few and far between. The real bane of my existence is the fact that I am shy and I hate it. I would gladly take a bazooka and shoot it all to hell if I could. Aaah, the possibilities.

The reason I was a tomboy can be related to my mother. Each mom loved dolling their little girls up. Treasured it! Although it was just putting your hair up in pig tails for the day or making you wear a dress, they always made you conscious in one way or another that you were female. Nobody understood that fact in dept, the idea that a female played with dolls, wore skirts and everything similar was the most we were aware of.

The topic of reproducing and sex and anything else had nothing to do with it, we weren’t conscious of those facts at the time. Kids, male and female alike believe until a certain age that babies come from cabbages – Oh Momotaro where art’ the – or that the stork brings them. About a month ago I saw a video posted by Nigahiga related a bit to this topic (it was more about censorship, anyway). Nuf to say that the kid believed that he was part stork and fell to his death while trying to fly, pretty gruesome.

My mom had other methods of dolling me up and that included a barber that would cut every bit of hair that was longer than about 3 inches. I was scared for life every time my mom would do that. I would tell the lady that cut my hair to cut just half an inch of it and my mother would always make gestures behind my back to cut more, like almost all my hair. YES MOM, I WAS AWARE OF IT! I now know my mom’s reason for the boy cuts faze. It was so when I grow older and let my hair grow out, it would grow tick and when I say tick I really mean it. I should thank her in a way since now I am shedding fur like a dog all over the house, it’s like we have 3 dogs in shedding season, but whenever I look in the mirror, it’s still good. Unlike some girls my age I still have a good mass of hair and hope it keeps going that way for years to come.

Fact is, pretty is imprinted in our brains since the time when we are kids. How we should look, how we should act, the seven years at home, but the notion starts getting warp for we must admit, being pretty today doesn’t mean the same thing it did 100 years ago or 50 years ago. It’s influenced by stuff all around us: drugs, eating, cosmetic surgery, models, fashion. Being a girl, being a woman I believe means being yourself and not following what anyone else says. You are pretty just the way you are, fat short, skinny, doesn’t matter. Important is: Love thy self and you would forever be happy. At least that is what I believe in.

Letter to a friend

A friend of mine who is in Korea right now studying asked me a few weeks ago to write her a letter about what I truly think of her and as I bore out my soul, I thought maybe it would be worth it to post it here as well. She knows about this and agreed to my posting it. For privacy’s sake as well, all the names have been changed to letters and thus maybe this small thing I’m posting will make you think about a special person and how much you should appreciate that person, for the good the bad, the sad and fun times, for all the moments they were there and all the moments they were not. I love my friends and my family and I hope forever and ever that we will have each other.

“Yes X. No matter how much time passes you’ll still be X for me, not Z, not little Miss S, not the fucking girl on the streets that sells matches, but just X. The idiotic girl that obsesses about a different celebrity every two years and makes me want to punch her in the face every single time that happens J (no joke). And though you do say that this one is the one, from what I’ve heard from you over the years, all of them are the one until they get replaced by another one and though it’s freaking annoying, it’s amazingly hilarious (not to offend or anything).

Truth be told, I don’t remember much from general school at least not when it came to friendship in the earlier years, but I guess you didn’t think much of me and I didn’t think much of you since we were never really close friends back then (I think? Correct me if I’m wrong but I really really don’t remember). First time I actually paid attention to you was in 7th grade and I don’t know if you know this but since this is the truth and the entire truth I’ll lay it all bare before you.

I didn’t have many friends back then. Since everything happened with P and Y, no one really paid any attention to me anymore, so I was always a loner that felt sorry for myself and cried in my mother’s arms every day when I came back from school, I was actually depressed back then and I do mean the idiotic illness that hardly goes away, at least not easily. But that started to change a little when R and A came up to me one day and pretty much questioned why I was always sitting alone not talking to anyone.

At first it was hard, I didn’t know what to say so I just sat there and let them talk, but at least I had company, I had people that acknowledged my presence for once, in a good way, so I was happy. This didn’t make me a spontaneous talkative person and if you wonder what this had to do with me and you, we’ll get there. I started taking part in their conversations little by little and I truly got to a point where I adored them as they were my best friends. So you can imagine my shock one day when A came up to us and said let’s include X within our group.

To say I was shocked is little said. I was angry, I was against it, but mostly I was afraid. I’d seen how things could change easily with friendship in school, from the fallout with I, D and A and others. I was very afraid, thinking that eventually you would take my place. From my point of view they started paying more attention to you than to me and truth is I kinda resented you for that, but A said she was gonna move and while my fear took another root, I discovered you weren’t that bad and since next year it would be just you, me and R I started sowing a little bit of your cloth within me.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but I told you everything from before so you imagine how I felt at the time. The fear of a little girl is not to be messed with, but know this, I wouldn’t become friends easily with someone if that someone wasn’t a great person and you were. You listened to me, you talked to me, you paid attention, something few people did, even now. And I loved you girls for that. But to be honest, we didn’t know each other all that well, at least maybe I didn’t know you girls all that well.

8th grade was the best in my entire school career. You and R made me laugh, have fun, open up for the first time and actually learn what a joke was and how to make one (you don’t want to know how lame I was before that, ask A and S, I’m still mortified even now). But high school changed all that a little. I found new friends that I enjoyed, it was immensely different and a little bit similar to the whole bullying and friendship thing in general school (seems you can still find morons that think too highly of themselves even in high school), but I felt so great, so liberated that I forgot who I should thank and how it was before that or at least I tried my hardest to forget. So you can’t blame me when little by little I lost contact with you, A and R.

In the summer between general school and high school I was admitted into a hospital for the n time and that’s where I met M. She furthered the work my 3 friends made prior to her and I opened up and had fun as I never did before (too bad my dad broke the phone where all our misadventures where recorded, you wouldn’t believe all the stupid things we did). But I have to mention this, me and M bonded not only due to Harry Potter but also because of my writing and the fact that I could talk and laugh without being silent for once. If I never met a girl named X and got to know her, if she never borrowed her books for me to read, if she didn’t listen to me and joke with me and even encourage my writing, if it was just me and A and R, well I would have never met M, never mention talked to her and then keep in contact. I would have never made friends in high school, but I never knew this back then so I couldn’t appreciate you all that much if at all.    

But me and you kept talking and even with the great pauses in between I thought why the hell not and we started meeting up, I started getting to know you even better, how high maintenance you are, how you want so much attention but sometimes you don’t reciprocate as much, unless you actually think highly of that person, how your obsessiveness can become so annoying sometimes that it makes me wanna cut off your head., how whinny you can be, how spoiled and though you won’t admit it, take it from me, you so are.

But I also got to know your other side, how you can be a great friend, how you listen and encourage me and give me advice, how entertaining you can be because of your quirky bad sides that I would never want you to be otherwise, how funny you are, how I can actually talk to you and continue talking to you and not even notice when hours upon hours have passed, how talented you are and how hard working you are (a complete opposite from my procrastinative personality, give me a bit of your hardworkiness will ya??) and I actually miss you a lot. I don’t know what you’re doing over there, what you fill your days with, who your friends are or how you feel about the whole thing and I feel so left out that it can make me even a little bit depressed, that you kinda moved on with your life and I didn’t, not for now at least and I have so many problems in the process of getting there that I want to bang my head against the wall repeatedly and ask myself if it’s worth it, even if I know it is. I’m so afraid and so anxious and you’re not here and while M might be, you don’t want to know the stupid things she says lately (like I tell her something and she’s all like yah but I had a harder day than you and starts enumerating things, but when my list is longer she says that alright I’m right, sceptically, and continues saying how hard it was for her and it freaking drives me mental).

I miss you lots. I miss your advice and how you can cheer me up or make me want to punch your teeth out. I miss talking to you and how you make me feel better. And though all this makes me wanna hurl (all this mushy mushy stuff uhhh…) I’m kinda laying my soul out to you. It’s there and it’s bare and I expect you make an essay and tell me your side of things since I did my part and I want to know you a little bit better since I miss you a ton and I kinda feel like crying right now. Hope this doesn’t make you feel any less about me.

So that’s all I guess.

With lots of love,

Me”

 

Dieting Problems & Tips

Dieting tips – Do’s and Don’ts

“Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not!”  ~Author Unknown

Ok, this is actually one of the hardest things that we face from time to time, shedding off extra kilograms/pounds. I myself have been struggling for years and finally I found a solution for them, that worked for me at least, but I hope that it will also work for you. It’s a hard and long process, so be warned. Also if it works for me does not mean that it would be 100% perfect for anyone else, since an important thing is that we all have different bodies that respond to different thing, but I hope this would help you along the way anyhow.

First I’ll introduce some of the things specialist say about dieting tips and then I’ll introduce my little tweaks.

* Weight yourself weekly

* Consume 1200 kcal daily

* Cut back on saturated fats (butter and processed foods, among others) by consuming instead more healthy polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats (olive oil, cold water fish, tofu, avocado, and small amounts of nuts)

* Drink water before meals (it helps fill you up and also makes you eat less)

* Don’t skip meals no matter what (makes you less energized and less likely to exercise, plus it might make you even hungrier later thus the possibility of snaking is higher)

* Eat slowly (eating should usually take you about 30 minutes, if you can’t take as long just chew as slowly as possible. People feel full about 15-20 minutes later from the actual point where they filled up, so eating slowly makes you brain have time to register you full point)

* Plan your meals and snacks to make sure they fit into a well-balanced diet plan

* Keep a food diary (it helps you: keep track of your overall calories; plan low-calorie substitutions; notice eating patterns)

* Avoid carbs in processed foods (non-diet sodas and junk food and animal fats). Carbs from whole grains, fruits, and veggies are healthier

* You can eat as many plain vegetables as you want, they won’t endanger your diet (they’re low in calories, packed with fiber and nutrition, and help you feel full so you eat less overall)

* You can still eat your favourite foods (pizza, ice cream, chocolate etc.), but in moderation. If you banish them completely you are more likely to give up in face of pressure and snack on them in weak moments

* Sleep more (it helps regulate you body’s metabolism, makes you less hungry, as well as help you burn calories during sleep) – adults need from 7 to 9 hours of sleep

* Exercise

There are a few of the tips experts give us taken from a site called WEBMD, but I found out that many of them, I for one can’t achieve or they are just too time consuming. There are a few of my own tips that may be considered healthy or otherwise.

* Weighting yourself is important, do it!

* I try to find substitutes for my meals. For example instead of high fat cheese I found a substitute in soft cheese with 125 kcal per 100g, it’s delicious and lower in calories. I stock up on veggies and fruits as much as I can. Important is to find low calorie substitutes for everything you eat, even pizza (there are low calorie snacks such as pizza – veggie pizza I think – and ice cream among others). This way you can eat all your favorite foods and worry a little less about gaining. Just don’t splurge on them, just because they’re low fat doesn’t mean you can eat them by the ton.

* While soup helps you lose weight, cream soups don’t. They usually contain oil, butter and even mustard, so they are high in calories.

* Salads are your friend. You don’t have to eat just veggie salad, you can eat it with chunks of chicken, cheese or whatever, just make sure the chicken is broiled and the cheese low fat. Aka make healthier and lower calorie choices.

* Green tea helps, as well as coffee, just again don’t splurge on it. Also drink you coffee, preferably, with no sugar and cream. If it’s too much/bitter make it weaker.

* Replace pork with chicken and beef. When it comes to meat try not to fry it and broil it instead, if you cannot do that grill it, but do so without the excess of oil or such some recipe require. Natural oil the meat itself produces is healthier. You can condiment it any way you want (spices, vinegar, salt – just preferably no sugar, oil, butter or any high fat ingredients).

* While not healthy or recommended I try to limit my desire for snacking by either eating sugar free candy (11 kcal per piece) or splurging on cola zero/pepsi light (don’t recommend this to many people, as it may actually be more damaging for some than helpful). The whole point is to find something very light that you actually like to snack on any time without it causing you any damage in your diet.

* Walk from 30 minutes to 1 hour every day. If you don’t have the time to exercise, make sure to walk, be it to and from work, picking up the kids from school, grocery shopping or just a simple walk in the park, it’s an exercise you can simply input in your daily life.

* When you exercise I found that stretching helps more, in my case, than aerobics or anything similar. Also dancing and ballet help just as much. Dance any time you can, even just the 30 seconds you prepare a meal, move your hips from side to side. Ballet, lifting your foot at a 90 degree angle is good forstretching and exercise, also a lot of ballet steps and moves help keep fit. Yoga is also good for weight loss, so I highly recommend it.

* Aerobics and such is good, I’m not saying it’s not, but it’s just too time consuming and that’s why I advised the exercises above as you can do it any time. You can move/dance a little bit when you go from one room to another without stopping to do so.

* Specialist say you should exercise 500 kcal more than what you eat daily to shed 2 pounds a week, in my mind it’s impossible with little time, thus the things I mentioned above help.

* Some people retain water in their bodies, so there is an excess of it. Good foods for this are: onions; watermelons, tomatoes (didn’t help in my case), celery (and a few other but I don’t remember); drinking 2 liters of water daily; consume less: salt, alcohol, coffee, diuretic teas; consume more vitamin B; exercise.

* Muscle helps lose weight. For me it does just that, but I gain this manly body builder arms that scare the heck out of me. I cut down on the fitness part of my exercise since, but if it does you any good do it. This is a fact I recommend for men, fitness, weight lifting and all these help you lose weight as well as obtain a beautifully muscled body, so do it. Don’t consume powders or stuff like that though, when you cut back on them and exercising or you just get older, you obtain granny/fatty arms instead of muscles.

I hope these help, so I wish you much luck and success in your diet (don’t do extreme ones, it would just be more damaging than helpful as you gain 2 times as much when you start eating normally again)! Also while writing down what you eat is good, you can also see the rate of what you ate and what you exercised all the while consulting how much you have to eat and exercise to lose weight by creating an account on: www.webmd.com , it’s free so no worries. This also helps girls that want to conceive by creating a special calendar for them. Best of luck!

WEBMD tips to dieting:

http://www.webmd.com/diet/ss/slideshow-no-diet-weight-loss

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/exercise-and-weight-loss-five-truths?page=3

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/best-weight-loss-advice-youve-never-heard

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/lose-weight-dangers

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/how-stop-gaining-weight

http://www.webmd.com/diet/healthy-kitchen-11/quick-meal-solutions

Welcome to Brasov

I recently visited Brasov and traveled by train after a very long time (7 years I think). First time visiting the city, but all the wonders of it took my breath away. It was mostly the food though and the unique tennis court I discovered. I was also amazed by their capability of copying the idea of a Hollywood sign, this time with Brasov printed instead. Oh well, it’s Romania after all, copycats extraordinaire.

New Beginnings!

I always thought about keeping things separate between Ink&Quill & A Little Star’s Musing, one being my professional thing and the other the personal one, but I recently realised that is nothing more than rubbish and that is why I will be merging the two as soon as I have the time (more about my lack of time in a future post). So as soon as possible, all my posts on  Musing Star will be transferred to Quill deary and most probably my banner will change as well, but we’ll see. Well that’s kinda it. Talk to ya later guys! Lights out! (God, that’s so cheesy of me. Uhh…)

24 hours to go!!!

Just trying to remind you that Breaking Point’s giveaway will end in 24 hours, so all of you guys that are interested in reading it and not spending a penny on it, well, go and get it while you still can. And for your enjoyment and mine, here is the link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/347023

Happy reading!

Giveaway…for everybody!! And an announcement

Yup, you’ve got it. I’m hosting an eBook giveaway for an entire week. After months and months of struggle, I’ve finally managed to get Breaking Point posted on Smashwords and from the 13th of August until the 20th it will be available to you all for free! I would really like to finally get it on paperback too, but the new cover is taking way too long (that’s what you get for taking the free-way) so that might take a while as well (ugh, very sorry).

But, on the upside note, the first volume of 100 MLS is done (but I also have to wait for this cover to be finished – it’s still in prototype mode and it’s done by the same person as the one doing BP’s, my best friend, go figure -) and I’m currently working on my third book and also first young adult story. It’s the first of a two book series called “The Boys Next Door”, but more than that I cannot reveal at the time, though you can check all these on Goodreads, as well as further updates on them. For these I’ll post all the links you need bellow (all you have to do is click one of the images, it is way cooler than just posting links) and I do hope you get to enjoy Breaking Point. If you did, please let me know. So happy reading everyone!

100 Musical Love Stories: 4 Letter Word

I hate how he always believes he knows me. He thinks he knows what I’m thinking every second of the day. Tries to always predict my next move, such as the exact time when I go to fill up my morning coffee, which I don’t actually drink in the morning and all those stupid things that only exasperate me. He assumes he knows me and only because he loves me.

Yes, he’s in fact my boyfriend, but with his childish behavior lately, he might just turn into an ex. But I believe that over time that is how things go. You get tired of each other. The atmosphere is surely so stuffing that you subconsciously start to get the message and one of you, for whatever reason, might refuse to accept it. That’s where the clinginess starts.

I can’t say that I don’t love the attention, that I don’t revel in it and lately I have been expecting it from morning till dawn, but it doesn’t mean the same goes for our relationship. What we have now is too overrated for ‘I love you’s.

From a scientific point of view love is no more than a bodily reaction. You get attracted to the perfect mate and wish from then on to copulate and produce offspring’s, a disgusting and disturbing way of putting it, for most of us prefer the sentimental approach.

Yes, it might be true, it might be untrue, but we all desire for the pounding of our heart and the butterflies in our stomach. It’s only natural to wish for it. If it comes true you are the luckiest person alive, for however long it lasts. Let’s hope forever. Otherwise, at least you felt it; some never do or just chose to ignore it.

But wherever I break up with him is my problem. After all, who know, maybe our love might just rekindle or it won’t but I might just like the way he treats me, after all love is just 4 letter long.

P.s. Check for the book’s official release here!