Allison Hawn's Blog, page 12
October 19, 2013
Can it be Called a Death Bed if You're on the Floor?
Hello everyone! (Yes, even those who dare to say that Batman is not a superhero.)
I hope your weeks have been supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Mine was... somewhat... less than that?
I discovered a fact about myself a long time ago: If I am going to get sick, it will never be "a case of the sniffles" or "a low grade fever and some body aches."
No, if I get sick it will start quietly and progress until I look like, and have all the functioning capabilities of, this:
This week I managed to catch something that, like a terrible romance novel, swept me off my feet, and unlike said cheesy book, then pile drove me into the floor.
I was totally fine, until I really, really wasn't. One minute I was sitting in my apartment after work prepping for the next day, the next I found myself on the bathroom floor in this position:
Except, I was far less adorable, I promise. This is where I spent most of Monday night.
At one point during the night I was joined by my cat, Voodoo, who preceded to give me a very inspirational pep talk. I was so sick at that point that it took me a full five minutes to remember that cats can't talk, and this was probably not a good sign. She had some excellent points though.
I spent the next several days unable to consume much of anything. My biggest triumph in three days was being able to digest water.
Of course, as with all experiences, I learned some important lessons from my little week of sub-human existence.
First off, if you repeatedly try to turn off a light and it refuses to get darker in your room, then the conclusion you must reach is that it is daylight outside and the light is, in fact, the sun. You really should stop fiddling with the light switch and go back to bed.
Don't watch Batman cartoons, cheesy crime shows (such as "Murder, She Wrote," don't judge, Angela Lansbury is awesome) and then a short documentary on medieval armor in tandem. You will have some weird dreams (apparently Angela Lansbury is really good at driving the Batmobile in chain mail, though).
I also learned that the most dangerous thing for a sick person is to have in her or his apartment at the same time is a fly and two very active kitties.
On day two of my quarantine from civilization, I awoke to find a giant fly doing little circles above my head. I also quickly realized that on either side of my head were my cats, who were staring at the fly with murderous intent.
It took me a couple seconds to realize the predicament that I was in, and by then it was too late.
I now have the little kitty scratches to prove that they did indeed kill that fly.
Thankfully I am back in the world of the living and able to digest food at this point. We shall see what kind of craziness this next week brings as I return to work.
One positive of being sick is that it gave me some time to think of some new contest ideas (which, of course, means free stuff for people). Details will be soon to follow, I promise.
I hope everyone has a flu/cold/death-illness free week! Remember if you wish to follow my exploits on a more consistently posted basis you can follow me on Twitter, Goodreads and Facebook!
I hope your weeks have been supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Mine was... somewhat... less than that?
I discovered a fact about myself a long time ago: If I am going to get sick, it will never be "a case of the sniffles" or "a low grade fever and some body aches."
No, if I get sick it will start quietly and progress until I look like, and have all the functioning capabilities of, this:
This week I managed to catch something that, like a terrible romance novel, swept me off my feet, and unlike said cheesy book, then pile drove me into the floor.
I was totally fine, until I really, really wasn't. One minute I was sitting in my apartment after work prepping for the next day, the next I found myself on the bathroom floor in this position:
Except, I was far less adorable, I promise. This is where I spent most of Monday night.
At one point during the night I was joined by my cat, Voodoo, who preceded to give me a very inspirational pep talk. I was so sick at that point that it took me a full five minutes to remember that cats can't talk, and this was probably not a good sign. She had some excellent points though.
I spent the next several days unable to consume much of anything. My biggest triumph in three days was being able to digest water.
Of course, as with all experiences, I learned some important lessons from my little week of sub-human existence.
First off, if you repeatedly try to turn off a light and it refuses to get darker in your room, then the conclusion you must reach is that it is daylight outside and the light is, in fact, the sun. You really should stop fiddling with the light switch and go back to bed.
Don't watch Batman cartoons, cheesy crime shows (such as "Murder, She Wrote," don't judge, Angela Lansbury is awesome) and then a short documentary on medieval armor in tandem. You will have some weird dreams (apparently Angela Lansbury is really good at driving the Batmobile in chain mail, though).
I also learned that the most dangerous thing for a sick person is to have in her or his apartment at the same time is a fly and two very active kitties.
On day two of my quarantine from civilization, I awoke to find a giant fly doing little circles above my head. I also quickly realized that on either side of my head were my cats, who were staring at the fly with murderous intent.
It took me a couple seconds to realize the predicament that I was in, and by then it was too late.
I now have the little kitty scratches to prove that they did indeed kill that fly.
Thankfully I am back in the world of the living and able to digest food at this point. We shall see what kind of craziness this next week brings as I return to work.
One positive of being sick is that it gave me some time to think of some new contest ideas (which, of course, means free stuff for people). Details will be soon to follow, I promise.
I hope everyone has a flu/cold/death-illness free week! Remember if you wish to follow my exploits on a more consistently posted basis you can follow me on Twitter, Goodreads and Facebook!
October 14, 2013
How's That Working For Ya?
Hello ladies and gentlemen. My blog post is a little late this week because I was fighting off a dragon using only a spatula and a broken seat belt.
Strangely enough, that probably would have been easier than my week.
Of course, every odd experience is possible fuel for a follow up to "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus," right? And boy was there material from this past week.
This last Wednesday I went to visit one of the other social work agencies, that primarily serves men, that I partner with.
When I'm there, I'm usually set up in a conference room with other providers from the area in a long line, like we are the Council of the Caffeine Deprived Social Workers. We usually sit there, looking like this:
While inside we look a bit more like this:
Why might our inner selves look like this?
Well, the first person who came in to talk to me that morning stumbled up to the chair across from me, plopped himself down, hiccuped and passed out in a drunken stupor. I decided against signing him up for my employment program.
He was not a tiny guy, so it took several of us to figure out a way to get him somewhere where he could sleep off his previous nights' fun. This has happened more times on the job than I could probably count if I were to use my hands, toes, and all of my coworkers' appendages.
This, of course, had followed the fact that not five minutes earlier, as I had walked into the building a random guy looked at me and half-shouted, "Hey! I think I'm gonna call you Tits-Mcgee!"
Oh how I do so love getting new nicknames, particularly when they are about a random part of my body (you can only read that statement in your head with a perky Julie Andrews accent by the way).
As I was walking to my next agency stop for the day, I passed by a construction zone, because Spokane is basically one giant construction zone year round, and heard, "Hey, sweet-cheeks! Why don't you wander this way!?"
This didn't happen at one construction site, this happened at three of them.
What was I wearing to provoke these comments? A pair of jeans, utility boots and a big sweatshirt. The only way I could have been more covered is if I looked like this guy:
To be honest, what he's wearing is so much more form fitting than what I was wearing that day. I also don't believe that these comments should have been made, even if I were dressed like Daisy Duke (not that I would, no one wants to see me in those shorts).
Now at this point, I could go on some long rant about how men who speak like this are treating women like objects, but instead, I want to pose a question. That question is, "Has obscenely cat-calling random women worked for any guy ever?"
I mean seriously, your major plan is what exactly? Do you think that simply by uttering some crass comment about how our "butts fit perfectly in our jeans" or how you, "bet we taste just like candy," is going get you some action?
I want to meet the girl who doesn't find a guy attractive until he turns on the ultimate charm of throwing random words together in such Shakespearean prose by calling her, "sweet-cheeks." No, seriously, I want to find this girl so I can smack her with a copy of "Pride and Prejudice" in the hopes that some of the lessons and class from that book stick.
But guys, seriously, yelling random obscene "compliments" at women is at its best dumb and creepy, and at its worst liable to end with some girl's boyfriend/very butch girlfriend/older brother/very protective friend who weight lifts a lot coming after you to turn you from a solid into a liquid.
Stop. It does not work.
Sorry about the late post again, next week I promise to be more on the ball (Disclaimer: Unless I get hit by a car, or kidnapped by bandits or distracted by shiny objects).
As always, feel free to follow my mad-cap exploits on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
Strangely enough, that probably would have been easier than my week.
Of course, every odd experience is possible fuel for a follow up to "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus," right? And boy was there material from this past week.
This last Wednesday I went to visit one of the other social work agencies, that primarily serves men, that I partner with.
When I'm there, I'm usually set up in a conference room with other providers from the area in a long line, like we are the Council of the Caffeine Deprived Social Workers. We usually sit there, looking like this:
While inside we look a bit more like this:
Why might our inner selves look like this?
Well, the first person who came in to talk to me that morning stumbled up to the chair across from me, plopped himself down, hiccuped and passed out in a drunken stupor. I decided against signing him up for my employment program.
He was not a tiny guy, so it took several of us to figure out a way to get him somewhere where he could sleep off his previous nights' fun. This has happened more times on the job than I could probably count if I were to use my hands, toes, and all of my coworkers' appendages.
This, of course, had followed the fact that not five minutes earlier, as I had walked into the building a random guy looked at me and half-shouted, "Hey! I think I'm gonna call you Tits-Mcgee!"
Oh how I do so love getting new nicknames, particularly when they are about a random part of my body (you can only read that statement in your head with a perky Julie Andrews accent by the way).
As I was walking to my next agency stop for the day, I passed by a construction zone, because Spokane is basically one giant construction zone year round, and heard, "Hey, sweet-cheeks! Why don't you wander this way!?"
This didn't happen at one construction site, this happened at three of them.
What was I wearing to provoke these comments? A pair of jeans, utility boots and a big sweatshirt. The only way I could have been more covered is if I looked like this guy:
To be honest, what he's wearing is so much more form fitting than what I was wearing that day. I also don't believe that these comments should have been made, even if I were dressed like Daisy Duke (not that I would, no one wants to see me in those shorts).
Now at this point, I could go on some long rant about how men who speak like this are treating women like objects, but instead, I want to pose a question. That question is, "Has obscenely cat-calling random women worked for any guy ever?"
I mean seriously, your major plan is what exactly? Do you think that simply by uttering some crass comment about how our "butts fit perfectly in our jeans" or how you, "bet we taste just like candy," is going get you some action?
I want to meet the girl who doesn't find a guy attractive until he turns on the ultimate charm of throwing random words together in such Shakespearean prose by calling her, "sweet-cheeks." No, seriously, I want to find this girl so I can smack her with a copy of "Pride and Prejudice" in the hopes that some of the lessons and class from that book stick.
But guys, seriously, yelling random obscene "compliments" at women is at its best dumb and creepy, and at its worst liable to end with some girl's boyfriend/very butch girlfriend/older brother/very protective friend who weight lifts a lot coming after you to turn you from a solid into a liquid.
Stop. It does not work.
Sorry about the late post again, next week I promise to be more on the ball (Disclaimer: Unless I get hit by a car, or kidnapped by bandits or distracted by shiny objects).
As always, feel free to follow my mad-cap exploits on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
October 4, 2013
Minding the Single Minded
Hello ladies, gentlemen and very conscious cheese.
I fully realize that the government is currently in power-save mode (I don't want to call it "shut down" because somehow politicians are still getting paid), and I realize that every other blogger in America is probably talking about it.
I am not going to give a long political rant. Why?
Because honestly if I wanted to write about selfish, pouting people, who have no regard for how their actions affect others and who could create more logical arguments by shaking up a Boggle game, then I would work with and write about toddlers.
Grow up politicians, share your toys and stop throwing things around indiscriminately, because they are hitting and hurting people.
If you need something to lift your spirits remember "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is totally there for you!
I am about to admit something that is apparently very difficult for most people my age in our culture to admit. I am single. This is a fact that I am ok with.
Does this mean I never want to be in a relationship? No, if the right person came along then sure, why not?
Does it mean that I live in a quagmire of lonely depression because I have no one to call annoying pet-names? Absolutely not.
Please don't take this post as "I am complaining about being single." I actually am a content and functional human being single or in a relationship. Weird, I know.
However, when one is single there are some stock things that people in relationships tend to say, that are often annoying, hurtful and/or downright rude. These are all things that I have not only heard multiple times, but all of them I heard in the last month alone. What this post is about is things people should really not say to people who are single.
1. "Your standards are/must be too high."
This statement would make sense if I had just spent an hour regaling you with a list of what I look for in a potential date that started with, "Well let's see, they have to be a billionaire, philanthropist, model, physicist, who owns the original set pieces of the Millennium Falcon and also happens to ride a tiger to work..."
I can guarantee that I have never uttered that phrase or any such list to be honest, so how can you assume that my "standards are too high?"
You want to know my standards? Ok, let me break some of the top things off of the "list" down for you:
1. Not a psycho.
2. Has a sense of humor.
3. Likes Batman.
4. Has above a 10th grade reading level.
5. Understands basic hygiene.
6. Respects me and my tendency to read comic books while drinking pomegranate juice.
Tell me, are my standards too high?
2. "You're just not looking hard enough."
I tend to view relationships less as a Sherlock Holmes mystery than the average person it seems. Exactly where should I be looking for the clues that are going to lead me to what you picture as relationship bliss?
The bar scene is full of creeps, I don't foresee dating anyone at work anytime soon and the time of the morning that I go to the gym is pretty much reserved for those in their 70's.
3. "God has someone extra special out there for you."
Of all the "attempting to make the single person feel better" statements that people say, this one is like a Medieval gauntlet on a chalkboard to me.
What you said: "God has someone extra special out there for you."
What I hear: "It's going to take a miracle for you to find someone."
Thanks. Glad that an act of God is what you think it will take for me to find a date. Also, I really don't need any more "extra special" people in my life. I'm not taking enough medication to deal with the "special" people I'm already dealing with.
4. "You should put yourself out there more."
Where exactly is this "there" of which you speak.
You also should be a bit more specific about what you mean by "putting myself out there." What do you expect me to do, wear a dinosaur costume with the word "single" written on it? Do you expect me to run around with a sandwich board that reads, "Single, has a job, owns own vehicle, showers regularly, doesn't smoke and remembers to wear socks most days?"
This advice is as useless as an inflatable dart board.
5. "You should try online dating, it worked really well for my uncle/acquaintance/person I read about."
Look, I'm glad that your second-cousin was able to find a date through that website that matches people based on their phobias, but that's not really my deal.
Why isn't it my deal? I had a friend who once set up a profile for me on a website because she was bound and determined to show me that it "really worked." All of my matches ended up looking like this:
The first five messages I got were from 40-something year old people looking to cheat on their spouses, the sixth was from a guy who said that he enjoyed watching women cook, naked, in the kitchen for him and the final one was from a guy who sent a message detailing the medications he was on.
My friend shut down the account she made for me and her own account that day.
6. "There are plenty of fish in the sea."
Fair, but, to stick with the cliche metaphor, the sea happens to have a lot of carnivorous anglerfish, poisonous puffer fish and other fishies that are about as cuddly as this:
7. "Your biological clock is ticking."
This is all:
8. "If you just...you'd have a date in no time."
Let me complete that sentence for you with things that people have actually said "... wore more makeup/wore less makeup/lost weight/wore heels/talked about less nerdy things/watched more episodes of "The Bachelor"/talked more/talked less/didn't have such strange hobbies/weren't so opinionated/had more of an opinion/weight-lifted less/didn't work out as hard when you went to the gym/didn't like Star Wars/went to <Insert Hipster Nonsense Name> Club/wore your hair down more..."
I'm sorry, you can't use my being single as an excuse to tell me something that you don't like about me. You want to provide constructive criticism? Fine, I'm all ears. But don't provide me with thinly veiled insults under the guise of trying to find me a potential date.
Also, I am not going to hide who I am just so I can ensnare some poor person, only for them to realize later on that I do wander around my apartment in Batman boxers singing Disney songs. I am who I am, and if I am going to give up my single status, it isn't going to be to someone who is infatuated with a fake version of me.
I know there are probably a billion more similar statements that could be added to this list. Do you have one that makes you want to stick your head in a microwave? Tell me about it.
As always feel free to follow my adventures on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
I fully realize that the government is currently in power-save mode (I don't want to call it "shut down" because somehow politicians are still getting paid), and I realize that every other blogger in America is probably talking about it.
I am not going to give a long political rant. Why?
Because honestly if I wanted to write about selfish, pouting people, who have no regard for how their actions affect others and who could create more logical arguments by shaking up a Boggle game, then I would work with and write about toddlers.
Grow up politicians, share your toys and stop throwing things around indiscriminately, because they are hitting and hurting people.
If you need something to lift your spirits remember "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is totally there for you!
I am about to admit something that is apparently very difficult for most people my age in our culture to admit. I am single. This is a fact that I am ok with.
Does this mean I never want to be in a relationship? No, if the right person came along then sure, why not?
Does it mean that I live in a quagmire of lonely depression because I have no one to call annoying pet-names? Absolutely not.
Please don't take this post as "I am complaining about being single." I actually am a content and functional human being single or in a relationship. Weird, I know.
However, when one is single there are some stock things that people in relationships tend to say, that are often annoying, hurtful and/or downright rude. These are all things that I have not only heard multiple times, but all of them I heard in the last month alone. What this post is about is things people should really not say to people who are single.
1. "Your standards are/must be too high."
This statement would make sense if I had just spent an hour regaling you with a list of what I look for in a potential date that started with, "Well let's see, they have to be a billionaire, philanthropist, model, physicist, who owns the original set pieces of the Millennium Falcon and also happens to ride a tiger to work..."
I can guarantee that I have never uttered that phrase or any such list to be honest, so how can you assume that my "standards are too high?"
You want to know my standards? Ok, let me break some of the top things off of the "list" down for you:
1. Not a psycho.
2. Has a sense of humor.
3. Likes Batman.
4. Has above a 10th grade reading level.
5. Understands basic hygiene.
6. Respects me and my tendency to read comic books while drinking pomegranate juice.
Tell me, are my standards too high?
2. "You're just not looking hard enough."
I tend to view relationships less as a Sherlock Holmes mystery than the average person it seems. Exactly where should I be looking for the clues that are going to lead me to what you picture as relationship bliss?
The bar scene is full of creeps, I don't foresee dating anyone at work anytime soon and the time of the morning that I go to the gym is pretty much reserved for those in their 70's.
3. "God has someone extra special out there for you."
Of all the "attempting to make the single person feel better" statements that people say, this one is like a Medieval gauntlet on a chalkboard to me.
What you said: "God has someone extra special out there for you."
What I hear: "It's going to take a miracle for you to find someone."
Thanks. Glad that an act of God is what you think it will take for me to find a date. Also, I really don't need any more "extra special" people in my life. I'm not taking enough medication to deal with the "special" people I'm already dealing with.
4. "You should put yourself out there more."
Where exactly is this "there" of which you speak.
You also should be a bit more specific about what you mean by "putting myself out there." What do you expect me to do, wear a dinosaur costume with the word "single" written on it? Do you expect me to run around with a sandwich board that reads, "Single, has a job, owns own vehicle, showers regularly, doesn't smoke and remembers to wear socks most days?"
This advice is as useless as an inflatable dart board.
5. "You should try online dating, it worked really well for my uncle/acquaintance/person I read about."
Look, I'm glad that your second-cousin was able to find a date through that website that matches people based on their phobias, but that's not really my deal.
Why isn't it my deal? I had a friend who once set up a profile for me on a website because she was bound and determined to show me that it "really worked." All of my matches ended up looking like this:
The first five messages I got were from 40-something year old people looking to cheat on their spouses, the sixth was from a guy who said that he enjoyed watching women cook, naked, in the kitchen for him and the final one was from a guy who sent a message detailing the medications he was on.
My friend shut down the account she made for me and her own account that day.
6. "There are plenty of fish in the sea."
Fair, but, to stick with the cliche metaphor, the sea happens to have a lot of carnivorous anglerfish, poisonous puffer fish and other fishies that are about as cuddly as this:
7. "Your biological clock is ticking."
This is all:
8. "If you just...you'd have a date in no time."
Let me complete that sentence for you with things that people have actually said "... wore more makeup/wore less makeup/lost weight/wore heels/talked about less nerdy things/watched more episodes of "The Bachelor"/talked more/talked less/didn't have such strange hobbies/weren't so opinionated/had more of an opinion/weight-lifted less/didn't work out as hard when you went to the gym/didn't like Star Wars/went to <Insert Hipster Nonsense Name> Club/wore your hair down more..."
I'm sorry, you can't use my being single as an excuse to tell me something that you don't like about me. You want to provide constructive criticism? Fine, I'm all ears. But don't provide me with thinly veiled insults under the guise of trying to find me a potential date.
Also, I am not going to hide who I am just so I can ensnare some poor person, only for them to realize later on that I do wander around my apartment in Batman boxers singing Disney songs. I am who I am, and if I am going to give up my single status, it isn't going to be to someone who is infatuated with a fake version of me.
I know there are probably a billion more similar statements that could be added to this list. Do you have one that makes you want to stick your head in a microwave? Tell me about it.
As always feel free to follow my adventures on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
September 28, 2013
A Whole Bunch of Nope
Hello everyone, I hope your weeks have all been more fantastic than the thought of Captain America riding an American flag colored unicorn!
Well it's been a bit of a fascinating week for me. Due to several conferences and trainings all being in one week, a vast majority of the staff at the place I work were missing.
This means that for three days it was left to one other staff member and I to keep our well-oiled (fine, WD-40-ed) machine running. I do rather wonder if this is what my boss pictured as she left us on our ownsies:
Actually, that would probably be relatively accurate.
Of course, because there were only two of us, it meant that every crazy, attention seeking, person with serious disorders (with "A doctor's note and everything!") decided to pay us a visit.
I had people in my office demanding counseling sessions (something that is not really in my certification wheelhouse), telling me about their alien abductions and trying to show me various rashes/cysts/skin issues and asking for my medical opinion.
The person who took the cake, which was probably made from sugar, spite and the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," actually caught me on my way in to work.
I was already running late that morning, thanks to a small furry somebody that decided to vomit directly on my work clothes.
As I was hurrying down the sidewalk at a pace that could only be matched by those speed-walking mall-grannies, a guy approached me from one of the parking lots and asked for some change.
I gave him an apologetic smile and said, "Sorry, I don't carry any change on me."
He looked bummed for about half a second before asking, "Well, can I give you a hug?"
I shook my head, "No, thanks, really I have to get to work."
"Well, umm... I'm just gonna give you a kiss then," and he went for it.
I dove to the side, "What!? No! Do not try that again!"
That day I was wearing a v-neck shirt and my angel tattoo was showing just a little bit. He looked at my tattoo and said, "Well, can I at least kiss her then?"
I blinked, "Only if you want me to break every last bone in your body."
"You wouldn't..." he gave me his best attempt at puppy dog eyes, which really just made him look more like the bad guy in a "Criminal Minds" episode.
"Oh, believe me, they would be collecting you in a bucket if you tried," I then dipped around my random, creepy, attempted paramour and continued on my way to work.
Coming in at 8:05 instead of 8:00, I definitely had the best, "I was late to work because..." story of the week.
Did anyone else have a bizarre experience or two this week? I'd love to hear about them!
As always, my daily adventures can be found on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
Well it's been a bit of a fascinating week for me. Due to several conferences and trainings all being in one week, a vast majority of the staff at the place I work were missing.
This means that for three days it was left to one other staff member and I to keep our well-oiled (fine, WD-40-ed) machine running. I do rather wonder if this is what my boss pictured as she left us on our ownsies:
Actually, that would probably be relatively accurate.
Of course, because there were only two of us, it meant that every crazy, attention seeking, person with serious disorders (with "A doctor's note and everything!") decided to pay us a visit.
I had people in my office demanding counseling sessions (something that is not really in my certification wheelhouse), telling me about their alien abductions and trying to show me various rashes/cysts/skin issues and asking for my medical opinion.
The person who took the cake, which was probably made from sugar, spite and the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," actually caught me on my way in to work.
I was already running late that morning, thanks to a small furry somebody that decided to vomit directly on my work clothes.
As I was hurrying down the sidewalk at a pace that could only be matched by those speed-walking mall-grannies, a guy approached me from one of the parking lots and asked for some change.
I gave him an apologetic smile and said, "Sorry, I don't carry any change on me."
He looked bummed for about half a second before asking, "Well, can I give you a hug?"
I shook my head, "No, thanks, really I have to get to work."
"Well, umm... I'm just gonna give you a kiss then," and he went for it.
I dove to the side, "What!? No! Do not try that again!"
That day I was wearing a v-neck shirt and my angel tattoo was showing just a little bit. He looked at my tattoo and said, "Well, can I at least kiss her then?"
I blinked, "Only if you want me to break every last bone in your body."
"You wouldn't..." he gave me his best attempt at puppy dog eyes, which really just made him look more like the bad guy in a "Criminal Minds" episode.
"Oh, believe me, they would be collecting you in a bucket if you tried," I then dipped around my random, creepy, attempted paramour and continued on my way to work.
Coming in at 8:05 instead of 8:00, I definitely had the best, "I was late to work because..." story of the week.
Did anyone else have a bizarre experience or two this week? I'd love to hear about them!
As always, my daily adventures can be found on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
September 20, 2013
Off To a Magical Land... That I Cannot Pronounce
Ahoy thar all ye scurvy bilge rats!
In honor of it bein' the week of "National Talk Like a Pirate Day," (Sep. 19), I plan on celebratin' in the traditional manner. Yes indeed, I'm gonna join a bunch of scallawags on an old creakin' ship and sing sea shanties as we raid other sailing vessels for their bounty... in the nearest irrigation ditch?
You know, it's hard being a pirate in a land-locked relatively rainless city. I think the closest I could get to true piracy is roving around in an Oldsmobile Cutlass while I shake one of those tiny swords that come in drinks at restaurants menacingly at all of the gang bangers in Escalades. Or maybe I'll just stay at home with a book.
Anyways, that's neither here nor there or even under there. This week I have the good fortune to have interviewed the two coauthors of the book "A Quest of Undoing: A Tale From the Land of Ononokin," John Logsdon and Christopher Young!
"A Quest of Undoing: A Tale from the Land of Ononokin" is a fantastic read for anyone looking for something on the lighter side of fantasy. Funny, inventive and not laboriously detailed, this is a read that will have you smiling and chuckling the entire way through.
The book successfully parodies other fantasy and adventure staples, such as "Lord of the Rings," while maintaining it's own plot. Set in a rather distinct world, with bizarre characters and an interesting quest, "A Quest of Undoing" sets itself apart from many other works in its genre.
Overall, this was an enjoyable book that I would recommend to anyone who enjoys any form of fantasy and making unashamed fun of other works.
And here is what our two authors have to say for themselves:
> What inspired you to start writing?
Chris: I find stories running through my head all the time and since nobody ever listens to me when I talk, I figured writing them out would be the most beneficial means of sharing them. Some of my early influences were Tanith Lee, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and Harry Harrison.
The desire to do comedic writing came from Harry Harrison’s “Stainless Steel Rat” and also the “Myth Adventure” books by Robert Asprin. My true writing adventure started in high school when I would sit down with a pencil and piece of paper and words would pour out faster than I could write them.
John: That’s easy: reading Isaac Asimov. “Robots of Dawn” opened the door for me at the right time when I was a teenager. I haven’t been able to stop writing since then. I didn’t actually get into reading fantasy until “The Lord of the Rings” movies and “Harry Potter” as well. Until those, I was mostly a science fiction kind-o-guy. Comedic writing came to me simply because I’m a goofball. I tried to write serious stories, but after about 20 pages I always end up falling back into something odd. I can’t help myself. It’s nearly impossible for me to stay serious for more than a few minutes at a time.
>Where did you come up with such creative names, like “Whizzfiddle” and “Muppy?”
Chris: Talk to my co-author. He’s the names guy.
John: I have always had the ability to come up with tons of names. I don’t know why this is. Maybe it’s because I don’t worry too much about correctness. As a demonstration, here are a couple of quick names that I’ll come up with right now: Hembly Steknish, Princess Ladalia Yemooth, and Zort Qwet (King of the Orcs). I guess now I’ll have to include those three in an upcoming story! And, it turns out that the king of the orcs is gonna be named Zort Qwet. Who knew?
Specifically on Whizzfiddle, there is a backstory on that. His real name was “Lenny Flepp,” and it looked like he was going to be stuck with that name for all eternity until he had his first ale. That’s when he learned that he was a wizard because alcohol turned out to be his power source. Not wanting to be known as Master Wizard Lenny Flepp, he sought out a better name.
At first, he just went with “Xebdigon” because it sounded strong to him. But one night, after a particularly heavy bout of drinking, he ended up using a bard’s violin as a urinal. The bard, none too happy with this, yelled, “Hey, you, don’t whizz on my fiddle!” and the people started calling him “Whizzfiddle.”
>Your antagonist, Treneth, has quite the abrasive personality. Did you base Treneth off of someone you knew in real life?
John: Treneth is an amalgamation of a number of our bosses that we’ve had in the past. This doesn’t include all of my bosses, of course, as I quite liked some of them (like when I was self-employed, for example), but just a few of the more egotistical ones.
>Judging by all the other fantasy books that you parody in your own work, you have read quite a bit of fantasy yourself. What do you most enjoy about the fantasy genre?
Chris: That it provides an enormous landscape of ways to make fun of it. There is so much material to draw from for comedy. Seriously, though, I love the freedom that fantasy provides. Being able to build a world from scratch that has no inherent limitations is a lot of fun. The trick is to be careful to not break your own rules.
John: I enjoy fantasy because it’s loosely based on reality. There are heroes and villains that are beyond the realm of possibility, there are creative beasties, and there magical wonders to delight and entertain the mind.
From a writing standpoint, though, I would have to agree with Chris. World-building is a blast. Character creation can be flamboyant and a bit wacky. Readers get that. They actually like characters and places that are a somewhat over-the-top. That’s what makes it all so much fun.
> In your book, the world is split into the Upperworld and the Underworld. Which would you prefer to live in?
John: Upperworld, but I would visit the Underworld often. This means that I would have to be a wizard, since inter-dimensional travel would otherwise require me to be royalty and I’m far too goofy to be royalty.
Chris: Underworld, because I am a slave to technology. Also, I find the people in the Underworld more interesting and open-minded, especially in Dakmenhem. However, I wouldn’t mind dating some of the princesses in the Upperworld.
>The world you have set your story in is called Ononokin, how in the heavens do you pronounce that?
John: Oh-no-no-kin. Like, imagine you have just finished a book that is set in a fantasy world that you created, but, because you’re not very bright, you forgot to come up with a name for this world. So you say, aloud, “Oh no!” Next, you say, “Oh, no, no, no…” And then you think to yourself, well, it’s a medieval world, so everyone there is “kin.” So you slap those together and you come with, “Oh, no, no, kin!” That, sadly, is a true story. Chris: See, now I didn’t know that story. I thought “Ononokin” was to sound like “Oh, no, not again.”
>If you had to choose between being stuck in a room with an annoyed Cher for eternity or being attacked by three thousand crack-crazed gerbils, which would you choose?
Chris: I would have to take the room with Cher, since she’s at least not attacking me.
John: I fail to see the difference between the two, but I also have always failed to see a difference between Cher and Paul Stanley from the band Kiss. We are sure that its Cher and not Paul Stanley, right? Anyway, I guess I’d have to flip a coin, which would likely land me in a room for eternity with Chris and Cher.
If "A Quest of Undoing" is book sounds like something that you would like to add to your physical library or your Kindle stash you can check it out here.
As always, you can follow my perilous, sea-faring (or puddle-faring, whatever) adventures on Facebook, Goodreads, and Twitter.
In honor of it bein' the week of "National Talk Like a Pirate Day," (Sep. 19), I plan on celebratin' in the traditional manner. Yes indeed, I'm gonna join a bunch of scallawags on an old creakin' ship and sing sea shanties as we raid other sailing vessels for their bounty... in the nearest irrigation ditch?
You know, it's hard being a pirate in a land-locked relatively rainless city. I think the closest I could get to true piracy is roving around in an Oldsmobile Cutlass while I shake one of those tiny swords that come in drinks at restaurants menacingly at all of the gang bangers in Escalades. Or maybe I'll just stay at home with a book.
Anyways, that's neither here nor there or even under there. This week I have the good fortune to have interviewed the two coauthors of the book "A Quest of Undoing: A Tale From the Land of Ononokin," John Logsdon and Christopher Young!
"A Quest of Undoing: A Tale from the Land of Ononokin" is a fantastic read for anyone looking for something on the lighter side of fantasy. Funny, inventive and not laboriously detailed, this is a read that will have you smiling and chuckling the entire way through.
The book successfully parodies other fantasy and adventure staples, such as "Lord of the Rings," while maintaining it's own plot. Set in a rather distinct world, with bizarre characters and an interesting quest, "A Quest of Undoing" sets itself apart from many other works in its genre.
Overall, this was an enjoyable book that I would recommend to anyone who enjoys any form of fantasy and making unashamed fun of other works.
And here is what our two authors have to say for themselves:
> What inspired you to start writing?
Chris: I find stories running through my head all the time and since nobody ever listens to me when I talk, I figured writing them out would be the most beneficial means of sharing them. Some of my early influences were Tanith Lee, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and Harry Harrison.
The desire to do comedic writing came from Harry Harrison’s “Stainless Steel Rat” and also the “Myth Adventure” books by Robert Asprin. My true writing adventure started in high school when I would sit down with a pencil and piece of paper and words would pour out faster than I could write them.
John: That’s easy: reading Isaac Asimov. “Robots of Dawn” opened the door for me at the right time when I was a teenager. I haven’t been able to stop writing since then. I didn’t actually get into reading fantasy until “The Lord of the Rings” movies and “Harry Potter” as well. Until those, I was mostly a science fiction kind-o-guy. Comedic writing came to me simply because I’m a goofball. I tried to write serious stories, but after about 20 pages I always end up falling back into something odd. I can’t help myself. It’s nearly impossible for me to stay serious for more than a few minutes at a time.
>Where did you come up with such creative names, like “Whizzfiddle” and “Muppy?”
Chris: Talk to my co-author. He’s the names guy.
John: I have always had the ability to come up with tons of names. I don’t know why this is. Maybe it’s because I don’t worry too much about correctness. As a demonstration, here are a couple of quick names that I’ll come up with right now: Hembly Steknish, Princess Ladalia Yemooth, and Zort Qwet (King of the Orcs). I guess now I’ll have to include those three in an upcoming story! And, it turns out that the king of the orcs is gonna be named Zort Qwet. Who knew?
Specifically on Whizzfiddle, there is a backstory on that. His real name was “Lenny Flepp,” and it looked like he was going to be stuck with that name for all eternity until he had his first ale. That’s when he learned that he was a wizard because alcohol turned out to be his power source. Not wanting to be known as Master Wizard Lenny Flepp, he sought out a better name.
At first, he just went with “Xebdigon” because it sounded strong to him. But one night, after a particularly heavy bout of drinking, he ended up using a bard’s violin as a urinal. The bard, none too happy with this, yelled, “Hey, you, don’t whizz on my fiddle!” and the people started calling him “Whizzfiddle.”
>Your antagonist, Treneth, has quite the abrasive personality. Did you base Treneth off of someone you knew in real life?
John: Treneth is an amalgamation of a number of our bosses that we’ve had in the past. This doesn’t include all of my bosses, of course, as I quite liked some of them (like when I was self-employed, for example), but just a few of the more egotistical ones.
>Judging by all the other fantasy books that you parody in your own work, you have read quite a bit of fantasy yourself. What do you most enjoy about the fantasy genre?
Chris: That it provides an enormous landscape of ways to make fun of it. There is so much material to draw from for comedy. Seriously, though, I love the freedom that fantasy provides. Being able to build a world from scratch that has no inherent limitations is a lot of fun. The trick is to be careful to not break your own rules.
John: I enjoy fantasy because it’s loosely based on reality. There are heroes and villains that are beyond the realm of possibility, there are creative beasties, and there magical wonders to delight and entertain the mind.
From a writing standpoint, though, I would have to agree with Chris. World-building is a blast. Character creation can be flamboyant and a bit wacky. Readers get that. They actually like characters and places that are a somewhat over-the-top. That’s what makes it all so much fun.
> In your book, the world is split into the Upperworld and the Underworld. Which would you prefer to live in?
John: Upperworld, but I would visit the Underworld often. This means that I would have to be a wizard, since inter-dimensional travel would otherwise require me to be royalty and I’m far too goofy to be royalty.
Chris: Underworld, because I am a slave to technology. Also, I find the people in the Underworld more interesting and open-minded, especially in Dakmenhem. However, I wouldn’t mind dating some of the princesses in the Upperworld.
>The world you have set your story in is called Ononokin, how in the heavens do you pronounce that?
John: Oh-no-no-kin. Like, imagine you have just finished a book that is set in a fantasy world that you created, but, because you’re not very bright, you forgot to come up with a name for this world. So you say, aloud, “Oh no!” Next, you say, “Oh, no, no, no…” And then you think to yourself, well, it’s a medieval world, so everyone there is “kin.” So you slap those together and you come with, “Oh, no, no, kin!” That, sadly, is a true story. Chris: See, now I didn’t know that story. I thought “Ononokin” was to sound like “Oh, no, not again.”
>If you had to choose between being stuck in a room with an annoyed Cher for eternity or being attacked by three thousand crack-crazed gerbils, which would you choose?
Chris: I would have to take the room with Cher, since she’s at least not attacking me.
John: I fail to see the difference between the two, but I also have always failed to see a difference between Cher and Paul Stanley from the band Kiss. We are sure that its Cher and not Paul Stanley, right? Anyway, I guess I’d have to flip a coin, which would likely land me in a room for eternity with Chris and Cher.
If "A Quest of Undoing" is book sounds like something that you would like to add to your physical library or your Kindle stash you can check it out here.
As always, you can follow my perilous, sea-faring (or puddle-faring, whatever) adventures on Facebook, Goodreads, and Twitter.
September 15, 2013
The Writing Proce-- HEY A BUNNY!
Hello all of you who have somehow managed to scrape past another week in the real world! I hope you are all alive and well.
So a question that I have been asked more times than William Shatner has over-acted in regards to "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is, "What does your writing process look like?"
The last person who asked me this I decided to answer in the Socratic method with another question, "What do you think it looks like?"
This is pretty much what they described:
I think I laughed for a solid 5 minutes, because in reality this is what my writing process looks like:
Because I have been asked multiple times, I decided I might as well just post the "secrets" of my writing process here:
Everything starts out well. I select some motivational music, don my writing Batman boxers (alternatively, I also have my writing basketball shorts) and open up my most recent project, all the while contemplating the things I wish to add.
Then I stare blankly at the screen for a couple of minutes as I suddenly realize that I have no idea what I wish to title my story. I throw around ideas for a minute or two, before titling it something like, "That One Time I Dropped a Carrot," resolving to come back and think up a witty title later.
Now I can dive into my story, except I have to come up with a first line, and those are always difficult. I spend another two minutes singing along with MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This," and may or may not get up to do the corresponding dance.
Can I just say, that no matter how ridiculous MC Hammer's pants are, you can't deny that they look super duper comfy. It's like the Snuggie of pants. Anyways, I digress, which is pretty much where my writing process is at this juncture.
Of course, after singing along to a classic hit you have to look up the lyrics to make sure you got the second verse right. Then you look up the music video just to make sure you did the dance right too.
After 3 or 4 more nostalgic music videos, I finally return to writing and get a couple of solid paragraphs down. Suddenly, my mental thesaurus fails me and I return to the internet to find a synonym for "ostentatious."
When you go online, you can't help but check your Facebook, which somehow ends with you watching a video on how to peel garlic in less than ten seconds (no really, it's mesmerizing). Ten minutes later I find myself watching a video about how gerbils digest their food.
I return to writing, and get a few more paragraphs done when this happens:
After I have extricated the cat, and erased the resulting page long line of random kitty-butt-gibberish, I get down a few more sentences.
I'm just getting into the groove when I remember that my laundry has been in the washer for approximately the same amount of time it takes to boil an ostrich egg, and I dash off to fix that conundrum.
I return, swearing that I will not lose track of time and the laundry will not be neglected. As I'm about to sit down and resume writing, I realize that I my coffee cup is empty. While in the kitchen replacing my writers' fuel I discover that one of my little fuzzy bandits has decided to open a drawer and eviscerate its contents. Cleaning commences.
Then on my way back to my computer, I look out my window to see two rednecks attempting to push a refrigerator out of a second story window, and there is just no way I am going to miss this first rate fiasco.
After the crash and half of the rednecks' porch subsequently vanishing, I finally get back to writing. At this point I finally can refocus a bit as the caffeine kicks in and I get a ton of writing done (most of which I will look at later and say, "What was that!? No, bad plan," before shuddering and deleting it).
There are days when I am a good little focused writer and I get mass amounts written. But for the most part, what you just read is pretty much how my "writing process" works.
So let this be a lesson to all aspiring writers, if your writing process involves being able to sit for long periods of time and pounding out thousands of words, then good for you.
However, if you're like me, and your writing process often times takes you down the rabbit hole to Wonderland, through Narnia and then possibly takes bribing yourself with ice cream just to get something down, don't worry. I got a book published via my method, you can too!
Remember if you ever need to be provided with a distraction of your own you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads!
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I did forget the laundry again.
So a question that I have been asked more times than William Shatner has over-acted in regards to "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is, "What does your writing process look like?"
The last person who asked me this I decided to answer in the Socratic method with another question, "What do you think it looks like?"
This is pretty much what they described:
I think I laughed for a solid 5 minutes, because in reality this is what my writing process looks like:
Because I have been asked multiple times, I decided I might as well just post the "secrets" of my writing process here:
Everything starts out well. I select some motivational music, don my writing Batman boxers (alternatively, I also have my writing basketball shorts) and open up my most recent project, all the while contemplating the things I wish to add.
Then I stare blankly at the screen for a couple of minutes as I suddenly realize that I have no idea what I wish to title my story. I throw around ideas for a minute or two, before titling it something like, "That One Time I Dropped a Carrot," resolving to come back and think up a witty title later.
Now I can dive into my story, except I have to come up with a first line, and those are always difficult. I spend another two minutes singing along with MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This," and may or may not get up to do the corresponding dance.
Can I just say, that no matter how ridiculous MC Hammer's pants are, you can't deny that they look super duper comfy. It's like the Snuggie of pants. Anyways, I digress, which is pretty much where my writing process is at this juncture.
Of course, after singing along to a classic hit you have to look up the lyrics to make sure you got the second verse right. Then you look up the music video just to make sure you did the dance right too.
After 3 or 4 more nostalgic music videos, I finally return to writing and get a couple of solid paragraphs down. Suddenly, my mental thesaurus fails me and I return to the internet to find a synonym for "ostentatious."
When you go online, you can't help but check your Facebook, which somehow ends with you watching a video on how to peel garlic in less than ten seconds (no really, it's mesmerizing). Ten minutes later I find myself watching a video about how gerbils digest their food.
I return to writing, and get a few more paragraphs done when this happens:
After I have extricated the cat, and erased the resulting page long line of random kitty-butt-gibberish, I get down a few more sentences.
I'm just getting into the groove when I remember that my laundry has been in the washer for approximately the same amount of time it takes to boil an ostrich egg, and I dash off to fix that conundrum.
I return, swearing that I will not lose track of time and the laundry will not be neglected. As I'm about to sit down and resume writing, I realize that I my coffee cup is empty. While in the kitchen replacing my writers' fuel I discover that one of my little fuzzy bandits has decided to open a drawer and eviscerate its contents. Cleaning commences.
Then on my way back to my computer, I look out my window to see two rednecks attempting to push a refrigerator out of a second story window, and there is just no way I am going to miss this first rate fiasco.
After the crash and half of the rednecks' porch subsequently vanishing, I finally get back to writing. At this point I finally can refocus a bit as the caffeine kicks in and I get a ton of writing done (most of which I will look at later and say, "What was that!? No, bad plan," before shuddering and deleting it).
There are days when I am a good little focused writer and I get mass amounts written. But for the most part, what you just read is pretty much how my "writing process" works.
So let this be a lesson to all aspiring writers, if your writing process involves being able to sit for long periods of time and pounding out thousands of words, then good for you.
However, if you're like me, and your writing process often times takes you down the rabbit hole to Wonderland, through Narnia and then possibly takes bribing yourself with ice cream just to get something down, don't worry. I got a book published via my method, you can too!
Remember if you ever need to be provided with a distraction of your own you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads!
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I did forget the laundry again.
September 7, 2013
Everyone Just Calm Down!
Hello ladies, gentlemen and the nest of bees that somehow managed to develop in my coat closet.
As you can tell by that previous statement, it has been an interesting week.
Well aside from dealing with a home invasion by bees, watching a little old lady at the the laundromat teach two gang bangers how to do laundry and seeing a man being chased down the street by cops as he yells, "I have the doughnuts!" the week has been relatively calm.
"Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" has gotten another awesome review from fellow author John Logsdon who writes:
"I think if I were to write up a series of stories about my life, they'd pale in comparison to Allison Hawn's. She has a way of making even the scariest (a 104+ degree temperature comes to mind!) moments quite humorous, though many of her bizarre tales are humorous on their own.
I think my favorite moment was when one of her not-so-bright college dorm mates explained that she had just peed green and Allison replied that the aliens must have gotten to her! So cruel. So mischievous. So...damn...funny.
If you're into reading Dave Barry style articles, "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is for you."
Well, it is the start of a new school year for most universities and colleges, which means it is also the start of many internships and work study terms. I have spoken to quite a few interns and work study students in the past week (both the ones coming to work for the organization I work for and those placed in various agencies around town), and this pretty much the reaction they have all had:
So I have spent a good chunk of time this week talking to interns and finding out why they looked like someone had just told them they had to fight off the Four Riders of the Apocalypse armed only with a shred of tin-foil and a used toilet scrubber.
I have a feeling that a lot of interns and work studies who are just starting out in their placements feel the same amount of overwhelmed panic that I saw on quite a few faces in the past few days. So, for those of you who are starting out as a work study or intern, here are some things to keep in mind.
1. No one expects you to be perfect.
Everyone understands that you are a college student just getting your feet wet in whatever industry you choose to explore. No one at your placement is going to expect that you are coming into this knowing exactly how to react to every situation and do absolutely everything.
I know it's hard to believe, but the supervisors at your site were not born, fully grown, dressed for business and competent, at their desks. Most of us were exactly where you are once upon a time.
2. You will make mistakes, learn from them.
The one thing that I consistently heard this week was the fear that supervisors were going to be expecting interns and work studies to do this:
When in reality they know that you are sometimes going to do this:
It does not matter if you make a mistake. What matters is how you react to the mistake. If you make a mistake and then either wallow in guilt over it or just continue on doing the same thing that caused the mistake the first time, you will frustrate your supervisor.
Instead, view the mistake as a learning experience and apply it to your time at your placement site. Again, supervisors know you are just learning, so prove to them that you are indeed learning and turn mistakes into usable knowledge.
3. Be proactive and productive.
Just because you are free or extremely cheap labor does not mean you get to sit back on your laurels and watch the world go by like some crazy circus-meets-sitcom show.
The world is a lot smaller than you think. Whether this internship seems valuable to your future career or not, or even if you plan on leaving the area where you are attending school, you never know who your supervisors know or who they will run into. It is in your best interest to prove yourself as competent and useful.
The bare minimum is unacceptable. If you get done with what you've been asked to do, look for something else to do to fill your time. If you can't find anything else to do to fill your time, then ask for something to do.
There is nothing that frustrates a supervisor more than seeing an intern or work study sitting on their phone on Facebook next to a group of clients or customers who are obviously being ignored. There is ALWAYS something to do.
4. Be mindful of how new experiences affect you.
I work in social work, where a constant stream of crazy is kind of the norm. I am pretty used to the sight of tweakers dancing in the street and someone telling me that they want me to find them a job working with vampires.
I also realize, this is not everyone's status quo.
Even if you are not in an internship involving social work, it is likely that you are going to run into situations that are not only new, but a little bracing and outside your wheelhouse. If this happens, talk to your supervisor, ask them about it, see what they would suggest in the future for dealing with what you just experienced. No one expects you to come to your placement like this:
You are going to have moments of feeling out of place and vulnerable and that is perfectly o.k. Just make sure you identify those moments and talk with someone more experienced in the field about them so you can get some perspective and assistance with dealing with it.
5. Get over yourself.
If you come into your placement thinking that you are the coolest thing since CD's and that the people working at these places are there to focus on you and your education let me be the first to say, "STOP!"
The people at your placement sites will help you and want you to learn and have a good experience. However, their goal in life is not to make you happy. Their goal in life is to do their job and make sure that their clients and/or customers are satisfied.
While you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help, don't be shocked if the employees at your placement seem more interested in getting their jobs done than making sure that they hear your epic half-hour long saga of struggle and strife as you fixed the jam in the copier.
Also, remember, your supervisors are not there to provide you with constant entertainment. Sometimes you are going to have boring things to do. This is a part of life. Believe me, I really don't find filing mass amounts of case notes every week to be the most fun I've ever had in my entire life, but is a part of my job and therefore I have to do it.
Doing entry level work is not an insult, it's a starting point. If you prove that you can do the basics, then you will get to do more interesting things, but don't take it for granted that your supervisors are going to make your placement the Disneyland of work sites.
6. Remember that it is your choice whether this will be a helpful experience or not.
When it comes to internships and work study placements, you only get out what you put into your time at your site.
I was an intern for a police department for a semester during my college career. I could easily have stayed in the back, filing papers and typing up reports. Instead, I jumped at every opportunity I got to experience something new.
Because I invested my energy, was curious and willing to try new things, I got to go on cop car ride-alongs, help interview criminals for intake and learned a ton about how the criminal justice system works on the ground level. Just don't miss the opportunity to give yourself an awesome experience.
Well, anyways, I hope that helps some of you headed towards your first internship to stop looking like an incoming semi-truck driven by drunk lemurs is heading your way. Good luck!
Remember you can always follow my escapades on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
As you can tell by that previous statement, it has been an interesting week.
Well aside from dealing with a home invasion by bees, watching a little old lady at the the laundromat teach two gang bangers how to do laundry and seeing a man being chased down the street by cops as he yells, "I have the doughnuts!" the week has been relatively calm.
"Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" has gotten another awesome review from fellow author John Logsdon who writes:
"I think if I were to write up a series of stories about my life, they'd pale in comparison to Allison Hawn's. She has a way of making even the scariest (a 104+ degree temperature comes to mind!) moments quite humorous, though many of her bizarre tales are humorous on their own.
I think my favorite moment was when one of her not-so-bright college dorm mates explained that she had just peed green and Allison replied that the aliens must have gotten to her! So cruel. So mischievous. So...damn...funny.
If you're into reading Dave Barry style articles, "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is for you."
Well, it is the start of a new school year for most universities and colleges, which means it is also the start of many internships and work study terms. I have spoken to quite a few interns and work study students in the past week (both the ones coming to work for the organization I work for and those placed in various agencies around town), and this pretty much the reaction they have all had:
So I have spent a good chunk of time this week talking to interns and finding out why they looked like someone had just told them they had to fight off the Four Riders of the Apocalypse armed only with a shred of tin-foil and a used toilet scrubber.
I have a feeling that a lot of interns and work studies who are just starting out in their placements feel the same amount of overwhelmed panic that I saw on quite a few faces in the past few days. So, for those of you who are starting out as a work study or intern, here are some things to keep in mind.
1. No one expects you to be perfect.
Everyone understands that you are a college student just getting your feet wet in whatever industry you choose to explore. No one at your placement is going to expect that you are coming into this knowing exactly how to react to every situation and do absolutely everything.
I know it's hard to believe, but the supervisors at your site were not born, fully grown, dressed for business and competent, at their desks. Most of us were exactly where you are once upon a time.
2. You will make mistakes, learn from them.
The one thing that I consistently heard this week was the fear that supervisors were going to be expecting interns and work studies to do this:
When in reality they know that you are sometimes going to do this:
It does not matter if you make a mistake. What matters is how you react to the mistake. If you make a mistake and then either wallow in guilt over it or just continue on doing the same thing that caused the mistake the first time, you will frustrate your supervisor.
Instead, view the mistake as a learning experience and apply it to your time at your placement site. Again, supervisors know you are just learning, so prove to them that you are indeed learning and turn mistakes into usable knowledge.
3. Be proactive and productive.
Just because you are free or extremely cheap labor does not mean you get to sit back on your laurels and watch the world go by like some crazy circus-meets-sitcom show.
The world is a lot smaller than you think. Whether this internship seems valuable to your future career or not, or even if you plan on leaving the area where you are attending school, you never know who your supervisors know or who they will run into. It is in your best interest to prove yourself as competent and useful.
The bare minimum is unacceptable. If you get done with what you've been asked to do, look for something else to do to fill your time. If you can't find anything else to do to fill your time, then ask for something to do.
There is nothing that frustrates a supervisor more than seeing an intern or work study sitting on their phone on Facebook next to a group of clients or customers who are obviously being ignored. There is ALWAYS something to do.
4. Be mindful of how new experiences affect you.
I work in social work, where a constant stream of crazy is kind of the norm. I am pretty used to the sight of tweakers dancing in the street and someone telling me that they want me to find them a job working with vampires.
I also realize, this is not everyone's status quo.
Even if you are not in an internship involving social work, it is likely that you are going to run into situations that are not only new, but a little bracing and outside your wheelhouse. If this happens, talk to your supervisor, ask them about it, see what they would suggest in the future for dealing with what you just experienced. No one expects you to come to your placement like this:
You are going to have moments of feeling out of place and vulnerable and that is perfectly o.k. Just make sure you identify those moments and talk with someone more experienced in the field about them so you can get some perspective and assistance with dealing with it.
5. Get over yourself.
If you come into your placement thinking that you are the coolest thing since CD's and that the people working at these places are there to focus on you and your education let me be the first to say, "STOP!"
The people at your placement sites will help you and want you to learn and have a good experience. However, their goal in life is not to make you happy. Their goal in life is to do their job and make sure that their clients and/or customers are satisfied.
While you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help, don't be shocked if the employees at your placement seem more interested in getting their jobs done than making sure that they hear your epic half-hour long saga of struggle and strife as you fixed the jam in the copier.
Also, remember, your supervisors are not there to provide you with constant entertainment. Sometimes you are going to have boring things to do. This is a part of life. Believe me, I really don't find filing mass amounts of case notes every week to be the most fun I've ever had in my entire life, but is a part of my job and therefore I have to do it.
Doing entry level work is not an insult, it's a starting point. If you prove that you can do the basics, then you will get to do more interesting things, but don't take it for granted that your supervisors are going to make your placement the Disneyland of work sites.
6. Remember that it is your choice whether this will be a helpful experience or not.
When it comes to internships and work study placements, you only get out what you put into your time at your site.
I was an intern for a police department for a semester during my college career. I could easily have stayed in the back, filing papers and typing up reports. Instead, I jumped at every opportunity I got to experience something new.
Because I invested my energy, was curious and willing to try new things, I got to go on cop car ride-alongs, help interview criminals for intake and learned a ton about how the criminal justice system works on the ground level. Just don't miss the opportunity to give yourself an awesome experience.
Well, anyways, I hope that helps some of you headed towards your first internship to stop looking like an incoming semi-truck driven by drunk lemurs is heading your way. Good luck!
Remember you can always follow my escapades on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
August 31, 2013
Gross
Hello all you lovely people, I hope your week has been more fantastic than the thought of a thousand rabbits on mini-bikes chasing Richard Simmons!
I received this picture and description this week from Rachel Dickerson:
"Just finished an extremely entertaining and HILARIOUS short novel by an amazing new author. Congrats Allison I look forward to your next book."
Thank you Rachel! And thank you to all of you who have read and provided me with feedback on Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus! Your wonderful words have been so encouraging!
So this past week one of the biggest new stories of the year broke. Syria... oh wait, sorry, never mind, wrong one. The biggest story of modern memory, according to the media, is that Miley Cyrus was caught on stage at the MTV Music Video Awards dancing provocatively along with
Robin Thicke.
Ok, first I would like to state that "provocatively" might be a strong term. I'm not sure who found Miley's tongue being stuck out of the side of her mouth for a majority of the performance "sexy." She looked like a giraffe.
No seriously, how can this:
Not remind you a bit of this:
Miley, I realize that you desperately want everyone to know that you are not a little girl anymore, and that you've become an adult. However this look:
Doesn't so much scream, "I'm an adult!"
Instead it really screams, "You're not the boss of me anymore! I can do what I want! I don't have a bedtime anymore! <insert other almost meaningless rebellious statements here>"
Miley, if you want to be taken seriously as an "adult" performer, dressing up as a teddy bear and running around displaying less class than a backwoods Arkansas trailer park is not going to get you there.
Also, please don't promote this kind of behavior, you have thousands of young teenage fans whose tongues I really don't want to see hanging out of their mouths.
And that is all I have to say about Miley, but not all I have to say about this "media sensation."
My actual first thought upon seeing the video clip, that I could not have avoided unless I poked my eyes out with a spork, was not, "Wow, Miley is being super provocative."
My first blush response was, "Wow, Robin Thicke is something that rhymes with is last name (you have a couple of options there, choose the one you find most useful)."
So far the harshest mass media criticism has been on what he chose to wear:
Granted his outfit made him an easy choice to star in any "Beetlejuice" sequels that might be in the future, but that isn't his only similarity to Beetlejuice's character.
Robin Thicke's behavior was downright creepy.
Yes, I said creepy.
Standing up in front of a live crowd of thousands, as a married 36 year old man, and dancing "provocatively" with a 20 year old, who is dressed in a little girl-esque teddy bear outfit (followed by flesh tone underwear), while singing a song that promotes the acceptance of rape culture is CREEPY!"
And yes, that song is garbage. I don't care what you say to defend the tonal atrocity, it promotes disrespecting women. If the lyrics included, "And then I asked her, politely, if she wanted to dance," or "I told her that I would like to take her out to a nice dinner," and the song wasn't titled "Blurred Lines," then I might be willing to hear arguments to the contrary.
Just because it is kind of catchy (in that heard-this-beat-a-million-times-before kind of way) does not make it a good song.
The fact that all the headlines are screaming, "Miley Cyrus Did XYZ!" and not "Robin Thicke Did XYZ," scares me. The media acts shocked that a woman would be acting this way (even though we know they are not in the slightest) but it gives no such, albeit fake, surprised response to Thicke's performance.
It deeply concerns me that a father being an absolute cad on stage while singing, "That's why I'm goin' to take a good girl, I know you want it," is considered so normal that it barely receives any mention.
Also, what a great example to be setting for your son, Robin! He's not being influenced to grow up and treat women like objects at all. (There is enough sarcasm dripping from that statement that you could wring it out and fill a bucket, just in case you didn't catch that.)
Well thank you Robin Thicke, now the next time someone asks me why I still believe that feminism has a place in America, I now can point to you emphatically as my example A.
What was your reaction to the "media sensation" that has been, oh so subtly, shoved down your throat for the past week?
As always, feel free to follow my exploits on Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads!
I received this picture and description this week from Rachel Dickerson:
"Just finished an extremely entertaining and HILARIOUS short novel by an amazing new author. Congrats Allison I look forward to your next book."
Thank you Rachel! And thank you to all of you who have read and provided me with feedback on Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus! Your wonderful words have been so encouraging!
So this past week one of the biggest new stories of the year broke. Syria... oh wait, sorry, never mind, wrong one. The biggest story of modern memory, according to the media, is that Miley Cyrus was caught on stage at the MTV Music Video Awards dancing provocatively along with
Robin Thicke.
Ok, first I would like to state that "provocatively" might be a strong term. I'm not sure who found Miley's tongue being stuck out of the side of her mouth for a majority of the performance "sexy." She looked like a giraffe.
No seriously, how can this:
Not remind you a bit of this:
Miley, I realize that you desperately want everyone to know that you are not a little girl anymore, and that you've become an adult. However this look:
Doesn't so much scream, "I'm an adult!"
Instead it really screams, "You're not the boss of me anymore! I can do what I want! I don't have a bedtime anymore! <insert other almost meaningless rebellious statements here>"
Miley, if you want to be taken seriously as an "adult" performer, dressing up as a teddy bear and running around displaying less class than a backwoods Arkansas trailer park is not going to get you there.
Also, please don't promote this kind of behavior, you have thousands of young teenage fans whose tongues I really don't want to see hanging out of their mouths.
And that is all I have to say about Miley, but not all I have to say about this "media sensation."
My actual first thought upon seeing the video clip, that I could not have avoided unless I poked my eyes out with a spork, was not, "Wow, Miley is being super provocative."
My first blush response was, "Wow, Robin Thicke is something that rhymes with is last name (you have a couple of options there, choose the one you find most useful)."
So far the harshest mass media criticism has been on what he chose to wear:
Granted his outfit made him an easy choice to star in any "Beetlejuice" sequels that might be in the future, but that isn't his only similarity to Beetlejuice's character.
Robin Thicke's behavior was downright creepy.
Yes, I said creepy.
Standing up in front of a live crowd of thousands, as a married 36 year old man, and dancing "provocatively" with a 20 year old, who is dressed in a little girl-esque teddy bear outfit (followed by flesh tone underwear), while singing a song that promotes the acceptance of rape culture is CREEPY!"
And yes, that song is garbage. I don't care what you say to defend the tonal atrocity, it promotes disrespecting women. If the lyrics included, "And then I asked her, politely, if she wanted to dance," or "I told her that I would like to take her out to a nice dinner," and the song wasn't titled "Blurred Lines," then I might be willing to hear arguments to the contrary.
Just because it is kind of catchy (in that heard-this-beat-a-million-times-before kind of way) does not make it a good song.
The fact that all the headlines are screaming, "Miley Cyrus Did XYZ!" and not "Robin Thicke Did XYZ," scares me. The media acts shocked that a woman would be acting this way (even though we know they are not in the slightest) but it gives no such, albeit fake, surprised response to Thicke's performance.
It deeply concerns me that a father being an absolute cad on stage while singing, "That's why I'm goin' to take a good girl, I know you want it," is considered so normal that it barely receives any mention.
Also, what a great example to be setting for your son, Robin! He's not being influenced to grow up and treat women like objects at all. (There is enough sarcasm dripping from that statement that you could wring it out and fill a bucket, just in case you didn't catch that.)
Well thank you Robin Thicke, now the next time someone asks me why I still believe that feminism has a place in America, I now can point to you emphatically as my example A.
What was your reaction to the "media sensation" that has been, oh so subtly, shoved down your throat for the past week?
As always, feel free to follow my exploits on Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads!
August 24, 2013
Giraffe People
Hello everyone! I hope you had a more fantastic week than the thought of a thousand neon-painted crickets armed with tiny bats chasing after a lion.
My week has been... fascinating. Fascinating in that, "I think I might need one of those nice white jackets that lets you hug yourself," kind of way.
For instance, on Wednesday, I walked into one of the social work agencies I work with, and the first thing I was met with was two, giant, tattooed, color flying gang bangers... who were knitting.
As I walked by, one of them turned to the other and said, "Ah, mother-@$!#*! I just missed a stitch!"
Apparently the leader for the AA group that was supposed to meet that morning had not shown up, but all the participants had to have a sober activity to do for a couple of hours to meet their service requirements. So, some little old lady taught them to knit.
That mental image, for me at least, can brighten even the darkest day.
This week I had the opportunity to interview another Spokane-based author, Jill Malone, who wrote the wonderful book "Giraffe People."
Jill Malone's "Giraffe People" paints a vivid and unique picture of the classic coming of age story. Set in the life of a military preacher's kid, Malone manages to create a soul in her character of Cole who is both so genuinely a teenager in her speech and actions, but also feels like a sage in her realizations.
Readers feel a connection to Cole as she deals with relationships, the pressures of school, struggles with religion, family relations and becoming her own unique person. Malone also does an excellent job of talking about teenage relationships in a way that is realistic, instead of trite or overly dramatic. "Giraffe People" is a work that feels genuine and is a wonderful read.
Jill is also just an all around fantastic person, as I'm sure the answers to these questions will show.
What motivated you to start writing?
I've been writing stories since I was six. They used to feature daring animals and super sketchy artwork. In graduate school, I intended to focus on poetry, but discovered Alice Munro and saw an entirely different potential for short stories. My first novel, Red Audrey and the Roping, began as a short story when I was 22. The story sprawled so much that it translated into a novel easily. I think we write because we're trying to explain the world to ourselves. To understand it.
For Giraffe People, I'd been listening to the New Yorker podcast of Tobias Wolff reading Stephan Vaughn's short story, Dog Heaven. Wolff said it was the first story he'd ever read that took on the lives of military dependents. It's a gorgeous story, and I felt, as I listened, how correct he is. There's too much silence about the experience of military dependents. I wanted to write about memory and the Persian Gulf War, about high school and music, about sexuality. I wanted to write about Jersey -- what an odd freaking base Fort Monmouth is.
How hard was it, writing from the perspective of a teenager, to put yourself into that mindset?
Writing teens is delightful: they are self aware and clueless in a compelling way. I needed the clarity of Cole's observations about her self and the war, about the military and her family. She's individuating, and at the same time, she's discovering her sexual self and what that means. One of the things I'd forgotten about high school until I started writing the characters is how communal the experience is. We had eight classes and sports and extra curriculars and our community was huge.
I also wanted to write the power imbalance of a teen. The way that imbalance is crucial when you're discovering your sexual self, and deciding what you believe, and negotiating the adult you'll become. The fact that Cole's father is a military chaplain is at the center of her life, but it isn't her center. She is starting to see that clearly.
I enjoyed remembering the strange world of high school. The kind of gum we chewed and the terrible acid-washed jeans. The crimped hair. The peculiar diction. I love that time when you realize that your parents are also just doing the best they can. That most of life is guess work. That's a terrible discovery and also one filled with grace.
Which of your characters was your least favorite to write?
In Giraffe People, the character I struggle with most is the father. I have sympathy for him as a human, but his controlling impulses toward his daughter are not OK. When I was writing the novel, I didn't realize how timely the story would be. Since I finished the manuscript, Don't Ask Don't Tell is no longer policy; It Gets Better, and numerous other organizations, have changed the way the queer community reaches out to teens. I didn't have stories like this -- stories that felt true to my experience, stories that gave me a way to see my potential -- when I was first coming out. I felt vulnerable in high school in a way that mirrored my experience writing Cole Peters' father.
Cole is discovering her own agency. And her father is not interested in that agency applying to her sexual self. I find his impulse to control her sexuality creepy, and it was hard to write about with fairness.
"Giraffe People" is about youths. When you were writing it did you originally intend it for a youth audience?
I certainly hoped it would have crossover appeal, but I didn't set out to write a young-adult novel. Nor, for that matter, did I set out to write a lesbian novel. I wrote this story because it was important to tell. My favorite feedback so far has been from teen readers. They get the story in a different way. In that way that Cole experiences things -- as if for the first time, and bigger.
What was your favorite part about writing this book?
I love writing about music. I hadn't done that before. And writing teens is liberating. They can speak and observe exactly as it occurs to them and so the narrative goes in surprising places and feels like it's taking deep breaths. I didn't realize how much I loved being an Army Brat until I told this story. I have been lucky. And I feel it now more keenly than ever. Writing Cole -- getting to see the world from her perspective -- gave me a sense of living differently. I love the way she sees.
If you had to pick one superhero to play checkers against, who would you choose?
I'd totally play against Wolverine. It would be gruesome.
"Giraffe People" is available at Bywater Books and on Amazon for anyone who is interested in this excellent read.
In other news "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" has gotten some really awesome reviews this week!
Kimberly Heiser writes, "I loved this book it's funny it's weird and I laugh every time I read it every day. Amazing book."
Thank you again to all of you who have read and reviewed my book, your support means more than you can imagine!
As always, you can follow my exploits on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
My week has been... fascinating. Fascinating in that, "I think I might need one of those nice white jackets that lets you hug yourself," kind of way.
For instance, on Wednesday, I walked into one of the social work agencies I work with, and the first thing I was met with was two, giant, tattooed, color flying gang bangers... who were knitting.
As I walked by, one of them turned to the other and said, "Ah, mother-@$!#*! I just missed a stitch!"
Apparently the leader for the AA group that was supposed to meet that morning had not shown up, but all the participants had to have a sober activity to do for a couple of hours to meet their service requirements. So, some little old lady taught them to knit.
That mental image, for me at least, can brighten even the darkest day.
This week I had the opportunity to interview another Spokane-based author, Jill Malone, who wrote the wonderful book "Giraffe People."
Jill Malone's "Giraffe People" paints a vivid and unique picture of the classic coming of age story. Set in the life of a military preacher's kid, Malone manages to create a soul in her character of Cole who is both so genuinely a teenager in her speech and actions, but also feels like a sage in her realizations.
Readers feel a connection to Cole as she deals with relationships, the pressures of school, struggles with religion, family relations and becoming her own unique person. Malone also does an excellent job of talking about teenage relationships in a way that is realistic, instead of trite or overly dramatic. "Giraffe People" is a work that feels genuine and is a wonderful read.
Jill is also just an all around fantastic person, as I'm sure the answers to these questions will show.
What motivated you to start writing?
I've been writing stories since I was six. They used to feature daring animals and super sketchy artwork. In graduate school, I intended to focus on poetry, but discovered Alice Munro and saw an entirely different potential for short stories. My first novel, Red Audrey and the Roping, began as a short story when I was 22. The story sprawled so much that it translated into a novel easily. I think we write because we're trying to explain the world to ourselves. To understand it.
For Giraffe People, I'd been listening to the New Yorker podcast of Tobias Wolff reading Stephan Vaughn's short story, Dog Heaven. Wolff said it was the first story he'd ever read that took on the lives of military dependents. It's a gorgeous story, and I felt, as I listened, how correct he is. There's too much silence about the experience of military dependents. I wanted to write about memory and the Persian Gulf War, about high school and music, about sexuality. I wanted to write about Jersey -- what an odd freaking base Fort Monmouth is.
How hard was it, writing from the perspective of a teenager, to put yourself into that mindset?
Writing teens is delightful: they are self aware and clueless in a compelling way. I needed the clarity of Cole's observations about her self and the war, about the military and her family. She's individuating, and at the same time, she's discovering her sexual self and what that means. One of the things I'd forgotten about high school until I started writing the characters is how communal the experience is. We had eight classes and sports and extra curriculars and our community was huge.
I also wanted to write the power imbalance of a teen. The way that imbalance is crucial when you're discovering your sexual self, and deciding what you believe, and negotiating the adult you'll become. The fact that Cole's father is a military chaplain is at the center of her life, but it isn't her center. She is starting to see that clearly.
I enjoyed remembering the strange world of high school. The kind of gum we chewed and the terrible acid-washed jeans. The crimped hair. The peculiar diction. I love that time when you realize that your parents are also just doing the best they can. That most of life is guess work. That's a terrible discovery and also one filled with grace.
Which of your characters was your least favorite to write?
In Giraffe People, the character I struggle with most is the father. I have sympathy for him as a human, but his controlling impulses toward his daughter are not OK. When I was writing the novel, I didn't realize how timely the story would be. Since I finished the manuscript, Don't Ask Don't Tell is no longer policy; It Gets Better, and numerous other organizations, have changed the way the queer community reaches out to teens. I didn't have stories like this -- stories that felt true to my experience, stories that gave me a way to see my potential -- when I was first coming out. I felt vulnerable in high school in a way that mirrored my experience writing Cole Peters' father.
Cole is discovering her own agency. And her father is not interested in that agency applying to her sexual self. I find his impulse to control her sexuality creepy, and it was hard to write about with fairness.
"Giraffe People" is about youths. When you were writing it did you originally intend it for a youth audience?
I certainly hoped it would have crossover appeal, but I didn't set out to write a young-adult novel. Nor, for that matter, did I set out to write a lesbian novel. I wrote this story because it was important to tell. My favorite feedback so far has been from teen readers. They get the story in a different way. In that way that Cole experiences things -- as if for the first time, and bigger.
What was your favorite part about writing this book?
I love writing about music. I hadn't done that before. And writing teens is liberating. They can speak and observe exactly as it occurs to them and so the narrative goes in surprising places and feels like it's taking deep breaths. I didn't realize how much I loved being an Army Brat until I told this story. I have been lucky. And I feel it now more keenly than ever. Writing Cole -- getting to see the world from her perspective -- gave me a sense of living differently. I love the way she sees.
If you had to pick one superhero to play checkers against, who would you choose?
I'd totally play against Wolverine. It would be gruesome.
"Giraffe People" is available at Bywater Books and on Amazon for anyone who is interested in this excellent read.
In other news "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" has gotten some really awesome reviews this week!
Kimberly Heiser writes, "I loved this book it's funny it's weird and I laugh every time I read it every day. Amazing book."
Thank you again to all of you who have read and reviewed my book, your support means more than you can imagine!
As always, you can follow my exploits on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!
August 17, 2013
Something To Be Tempted By
Hello! I hope everyone had a week that was more satisfying than that scene in "Jurassic Park" where the T-Rex ate the lawyer. You know, this scene:
Well it has been a crazy week for me. Everything from the man in the wheel chair who followed me down the street barking and growling at me, to the nude tweaker I had to help herd out of the street so he wouldn't get hit by a car to the lady who informed me that two of her personalities weren't talking to one another, made for one very special week.
The sad part is, the full moon isn't even until next week. Well at least it might provide material for a sequel to "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus," right?
Well, luckily, my week had a good point too. I had a chance to read a wonderful book by Denise Greenwood called "Temptation."
Denise Greenwood's darkly humorous and poignant work, "Temptation," is a captivating read. The book immerses the reader into the lives of the characters as they both deal with their own inner struggles and find themselves intertwined in the stories of others.
Denise's characters feel distinct and authentic, not just in their personal battles and desires, but in the way that they talk, react to one another and think. "Temptation" holds a reader's attention as each character's unique story unfolds to reveal new and deeper details that lend to a larger, compelling story. I would recommend "Temptation" to anyone who truly wants to lose themselves in a book for a while, I promise you will find yourself forgetting about the outside world entirely.
I not only got to read and review this work, but I also snagged an interview with Denise!
What inspired you to start writing?
It was a childhood dream, like some kids want to be ballet dancers or astronauts, I always wanted to write but found I had nothing to say. My life became geared to a career and family, then, after a traumatic couple of years I found I had experiences and events I had to get out of my system and an idea came to me. The storyline for my first book "Temptation" slowly formed in my mind and I thought about it for a year before I finally sat down one day to see if I could write. To my surprise, I wrote the first chapter in one sitting and knew then that I had to continue. I was compelled.
You have a plethora of unique characters in "Temptation," how did come up with not only your characters, but their distinct stories?
Characters are an amalgamation of people I know, once knew and myself if split into several personalities. Some of their very distinct stories are based on actual events doctored to fit the storyline and character. For example the chapter ‘A Kiss for Bobby’ actually happened but it was told as an important aspect of one of the character’s lives.
Which of your characters was your favorite to write?
Reverend Jacob Alecks who appears in both ‘Temptation’ and ‘Star Keeper’ has to be my favourite. His suffering, confusion, decline into semi-madness in full public view and then surprise at the consequences was like watching a child grow up. He matured and evolved as I wrote.
How many of your characters are based on people you actually know? How many of those people, if any, realize that you've based characters in your book after them?
Each character is a mixture of traits, conversations and experiences of people I know mixed with a sprinkling of self and then a spoonful of imagination. I would be very amused if any of the people recognized something of themselves in any of my books and that is a luxury only a writer, actor or film maker can enjoy.
What was your favorite part about the whole writing experience?
The whole process is cathartic and releases ghosts and demons that would otherwise be without a voice. As I write, I come to terms with personal events and the crazy things people say and do. If I had to compare it with anything, then it is like Mr Hyde being able to release Dr Jekyll on a leash.
If you could open a restaurant with any literary character (from your book or not) who would it be?
Tommy Knight from ‘Temptation’ goes on into my second book ‘Star Keeper’ and opens my ideal restaurant, a bistro-bookshop. He combines fine dining and wine with reading and debate. But, if I could choose someone I would run it with then it would have to be Annie Kinsella from the adaptation of W.P. Kinsella’s ‘Shoeless Joe.’ I love free spirits who will stand up for what they believe in even if it’s unconventional.
What kind of a response from readers has "Temptation" been receiving?
I loved a review that described "Temptation" as “unique and risky” but quite a few readers have told me that they “laughed out loud” at some of the chapters. My story lines are often quite serious at heart and characters deeply layered but by using humour I diffuse otherwise tense and shocking scenes. It has been personally gratifying to hear my books described so.
If you are interested in finding a copy of "Temptation" it is on Amazon, Kobo and Barnes and Noble.
Remember you can always follow my adventures on Facebook, Goodreads and Twitter!
Well it has been a crazy week for me. Everything from the man in the wheel chair who followed me down the street barking and growling at me, to the nude tweaker I had to help herd out of the street so he wouldn't get hit by a car to the lady who informed me that two of her personalities weren't talking to one another, made for one very special week.
The sad part is, the full moon isn't even until next week. Well at least it might provide material for a sequel to "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus," right?
Well, luckily, my week had a good point too. I had a chance to read a wonderful book by Denise Greenwood called "Temptation."
Denise Greenwood's darkly humorous and poignant work, "Temptation," is a captivating read. The book immerses the reader into the lives of the characters as they both deal with their own inner struggles and find themselves intertwined in the stories of others.
Denise's characters feel distinct and authentic, not just in their personal battles and desires, but in the way that they talk, react to one another and think. "Temptation" holds a reader's attention as each character's unique story unfolds to reveal new and deeper details that lend to a larger, compelling story. I would recommend "Temptation" to anyone who truly wants to lose themselves in a book for a while, I promise you will find yourself forgetting about the outside world entirely.
I not only got to read and review this work, but I also snagged an interview with Denise!
What inspired you to start writing?
It was a childhood dream, like some kids want to be ballet dancers or astronauts, I always wanted to write but found I had nothing to say. My life became geared to a career and family, then, after a traumatic couple of years I found I had experiences and events I had to get out of my system and an idea came to me. The storyline for my first book "Temptation" slowly formed in my mind and I thought about it for a year before I finally sat down one day to see if I could write. To my surprise, I wrote the first chapter in one sitting and knew then that I had to continue. I was compelled.
You have a plethora of unique characters in "Temptation," how did come up with not only your characters, but their distinct stories?
Characters are an amalgamation of people I know, once knew and myself if split into several personalities. Some of their very distinct stories are based on actual events doctored to fit the storyline and character. For example the chapter ‘A Kiss for Bobby’ actually happened but it was told as an important aspect of one of the character’s lives.
Which of your characters was your favorite to write?
Reverend Jacob Alecks who appears in both ‘Temptation’ and ‘Star Keeper’ has to be my favourite. His suffering, confusion, decline into semi-madness in full public view and then surprise at the consequences was like watching a child grow up. He matured and evolved as I wrote.
How many of your characters are based on people you actually know? How many of those people, if any, realize that you've based characters in your book after them?
Each character is a mixture of traits, conversations and experiences of people I know mixed with a sprinkling of self and then a spoonful of imagination. I would be very amused if any of the people recognized something of themselves in any of my books and that is a luxury only a writer, actor or film maker can enjoy.
What was your favorite part about the whole writing experience?
The whole process is cathartic and releases ghosts and demons that would otherwise be without a voice. As I write, I come to terms with personal events and the crazy things people say and do. If I had to compare it with anything, then it is like Mr Hyde being able to release Dr Jekyll on a leash.
If you could open a restaurant with any literary character (from your book or not) who would it be?
Tommy Knight from ‘Temptation’ goes on into my second book ‘Star Keeper’ and opens my ideal restaurant, a bistro-bookshop. He combines fine dining and wine with reading and debate. But, if I could choose someone I would run it with then it would have to be Annie Kinsella from the adaptation of W.P. Kinsella’s ‘Shoeless Joe.’ I love free spirits who will stand up for what they believe in even if it’s unconventional.
What kind of a response from readers has "Temptation" been receiving?
I loved a review that described "Temptation" as “unique and risky” but quite a few readers have told me that they “laughed out loud” at some of the chapters. My story lines are often quite serious at heart and characters deeply layered but by using humour I diffuse otherwise tense and shocking scenes. It has been personally gratifying to hear my books described so.
If you are interested in finding a copy of "Temptation" it is on Amazon, Kobo and Barnes and Noble.
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