Jennifer Sivec's Blog, page 8

Racism-Black and White And A Little Yellow

A local news reporter said an incredibly stupid thing today on the morning broadcast, and in reading the tweets and Facebook posts, you would think she was the biggest racist on the planet. There are comments calling for her immediate termination, referring to her as a racist (or worse), and maligning her character. Maybe she is a racist, but it’s highly doubtful because by all accounts, she and her family are very good people who are not racist in any way. ��Although her comment was extremely ignorant, it doesn’t appear to be malicious or intentional, yet many tweet that it doesn’t matter.

I know I may draw some negative backlash for even saying that, but this called is called “Inside Jen’s Mind” so I’ll say what I think. And what I think is that racism is a funny thing, something we are always looking for in everything. It’s not funny-haha, but funny-strange, because it’s often��assumed but not always true, though it is always��divisive.

First let me tell you a bit about me. I was adopted from Korea when I was around the age of two. Abandoned by my own parents, I was adopted by a Caucasian couple who couldn’t have children of their own, neither of them having a racist bone in their body. My dad taught me that racism was stupid and that people of every race could be jerks, and he was right. I remember when I would come home after someone made fun of my race and instead of getting upset, Dad would say “They make fun of you because you can take it. If they’re picking on you, then they’re leaving someone else alone.” So I made that my mantra, knowing that I was strong enough to take it, even though I was a small little girl with slanted eyes and olive skin who didn’t look like anyone else I knew.

I went to school in an era when they were integrating the schools to ensure there was diversity. It didn’t matter much to me, because I had probably met two people in my entire lifetime that even slightly resembled me. So instead of going to school five minutes from my house to go to school with kids that didn’t look like me, I was bussed thirty minutes from my house to go to school with kids who didn’t look like me. Diversity didn’t mean much to me at that time. I was as diverse as it got, neither black, white, or hispanic and there were many times when I was out-of-place and felt very alone. I would love to tell you that all of my experiences were positive ones, but they just weren’t.

People were ugly, adults and children alike. A relative who I never really knew asked my mom if I was going to have surgery to ‘have my eyes fixed,’ and most of the time people just assumed I was “Chinese.” Often-times kids would make strange ignorant noises that were supposed to resemble Asian people speaking, and the questions like “What are you?” were asked often, even into adulthood. When I was little, I used to feel my eyes beginning to slant even more when faced with those situations, unable to hide the fact that I just didn’t look like everyone else. Today they call that “bullying” but back then it was just “kids being mean” and I knew I would have to face it all of my life because there was no surgery to made my eyes ‘less slanted.’

Looking back, I think Dad saw something in me that I had yet to see in myself, because I was strong enough to take it, and I did. Aside from elementary school, those events rarely drove me to tears, and most kids chose to pick on the girl with the lisp and the unibrow instead of the girl with the slanted eyes. As I grew older, kids weren’t as mean to me, and by that time I had made enough friends that I was usually left alone.

When I was growing up my family was white, my friends were a mixture of black, white, hispanic, Asian, and my best friend from seventh grade through high school was black. My race wasn’t important and it didn’t make me special, better, or worse, than anyone else. Nobody cared that I was Korean and I found myself finally fitting in and finding my place in the world.

But the world is very different now in countless ways. It’s more hypocritical and full of hatred which I think makes it difficult for us to look beyond our outward appearance, because our differences are constantly being highlighted in the media. The social climate is uptight and unforgiving, and nobody seems to be able to laugh at themselves and we are obligated to be offended by everything that happens in the world. We assume everything is meant to be offensive, so we oblige.��I realized the world was changing when it became taboo to call an Asian person ‘Oriental’ or when the term “politically correct” became gospel, rather than policy. ��Instead of coming together, we push apart, expecting and waiting to be pissed off about something… anything.

So says the Asian girl.

The scars of being teased and made fun of because I was different, certainly run deep. You can’t imagine what it’s like to have someone say horrible and ugly things to you just because of how you look, unless it’s actually happened to you. As a child and even as an adult, I’ve had people of all shapes, sizes, color, race, and nationality call me names, make ignorant comments, make gestures, assumptions, and even make their eyes slanted so they would look like me. But I call that ignorance and stupidity, and I refuse to let it change my heart or make me a prisoner. If you know me, you know that I’m not above telling someone to “screw off” if the situation calls for it, and I believe racism is one of those situations that certainly calls for it.

My youngest child came home from school after being “bullied” by another child, larger and older than him. My youngest, is my mini-me and not only looks identical to me when I was younger, but is just as stubborn and just as apt stand up for himself. What really broke my heart about the situation is that the other child jumped right to calling him a “little Chinese boy” as a way to put him down and told him to “Go back to China where he came from.” It brought back flashbacks from my childhood, but it also made me incredibly angry not just because my youngest is my baby, but because this other child obviously doesn’t know my son at all. My son is laugh-out-loud funny, irreverent, inappropriate, and incredibly charming. He’s the boy who will break the girls hearts because he won’t be tied down. He loves to play games, technology, and electronics of every kind, and did I mention that he’s funny as Hell? But this other boy just saw him as that “little Chinese boy” and I thought how sad it is that the world hasn’t really changed, after all.

Instead, we live in a world where not only are we still incredibly ignorant and say stupid, stupid things. Do I think that little boy is a racist? Absolutely not. I do��think he’s ignorant, and while I hope his parents set him straight, I’m also realistic and understand that he may get that from home. Yet, I’m not offended by the situation and we’ve talked about it with my son because I’m sure it’s not the last time he’ll ever hear something like that again. I’m not teaching him to be tolerant of ignorant behavior, but hopefully he’ll learn to just see things and people for what they are. Hopefully it will motivate him to be his best, regardless of the stupidity that may surround him.

I’m not naive and I know racism exists and is alive and well and toxic in our world. But I don’t believe that we live in a world where��everything and��everyone��is racially motivated.��I do believe we live in a world full of moronic, stupid, ignorant, idiots who say the most ridiculous things and I think it is important to differentiate between the two.

We are living in a world that lacks levity because we are entirely too sensitive, and all that ends up doing is dividing us and breeding contempt, and more hatred. As a society, we are always looking for a scapegoat, an answer to our problems but the easy answer isn’t always the right one. We need to stop and learn to see things for what they are. Racism isn’t always so obvious, isn’t always so black and white, and ��in simplified terms I think Webster’s still gets it right.

Racism-Webster’s dictionary

noun

1.

a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human racial groups determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.

2.

a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3.

hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

Rodney King~”Can we all just get along?” ��https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sONf...

The Beatles~All You Need is Love��https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydfH7...

Marvin Gaye~What’s Going On��https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydfH7...

Being An Author

I never realized it before but I was an author even long before I had books in print. Instead of writing the stores down, I would just write them��in my head, one right after the other. Unable to quiet the noise in my brain, there were often times when I felt like I was losing my mind. But I’ve found that since I’ve been writing, life actually seems clearer without the residual noise that comes from having all of those extra thoughts rolling around.

It’s funny how being an author has changed me. I’m not yet prolific (three books published, one in the editing process, and one about 1/3rd of the way written), or on the NY Times Bestsellers list (A girl can dream…), or even very well-known (Jennifer Sivec… “Never heard of her!”).��BUT, I am more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been.

After being alive for (ahem!) several decades, I finally feel as though all of my important pieces have been discovered.

It’s been nearly two years since I’ve published my first book, Leaving Eva. I thought that publishing a book would be like having a birthday. I had the anticipation that I would��feel different after reaching this momentous milestone in my life. But after I published Leaving Eva, I didn’t feel like an author right away, at all. Instead, I was almost embarrassed anytime anyone brought it up and I was constantly worried that if they hated my book they would look at me differently (writer neurosis). I wasn’t even sure what being an author would feel like, I was just convinced (like birthdays) it would feel different. I kept waiting for it to hit me and wasn’t sure if I would feel it after my first book ��or after my tenth, though I wasn’t even sure I could get to writing two.

Finally, after three books published and another one “on the way” (yes, it’s like giving birth), I FINALLY find myself settling into this new role, realizing it isn’t just a passing whim or just an experiment in life. I realize that writing is here to stay and that I can fit it into my busy life and make it a permanent part of me. I struggled with making that commitment for a while wondering if I would be too busy and if it would eventually end up on the list of things that “just didn’t work out”, in my life.

It’s been challenging rotating roles: wife, mom, full-time career (that I love), and writer. There have been many long days and nights, and moments when I’ve wondered whether I would be able to do it all. But I’m finally figuring out that each role fulfills a different part of me and makes the other one so much better. I’m more fulfilled from the inside, which makes more productive and complete on the outside.

I finally understand what being an author is all about. It’s quite simply about writing, and nothing else. While there are many other things involved in selling books, without the writing there��is��nothing else. I’ve set some goals for myself this year, to center myself more around the writing in order to become a better writer. They involve blogging, newsletters, and simply writing my books. After all, that is why I became an author, so I could write, which is what I love to do.

Now I wake up and life makes much more sense. And despite the many long days and nights, and constantly juggling roles, I feel utterly fortunate to get to live this busy, far from perfect, but very full-life! And for the first time in my life, I finally feel as though I am what I have always been… an author!

http://www.amazon.com/Jennifer-Sivec/e/B00CA7NN64/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1420987883&sr=8-1

We’re Growing Up

I wondered when it would finally happen and I realize, it’s happening now.

My children are no longer “babies.”

They are growing into young men right before my very eyes which gives me such mixed emotions. While part of me is happy to see them thrive and grow, the other part mourns the loss of the babies I once held in my arms. I can’t believe how quickly the years have already gone, and I anticipate the ones to come will pass with equal swiftness. I am not even remotely ready to be the mother of teenagers, or to have them shun me with the contempt most boys of that age feel for their parents who they believe they have surpassed intellectually and in their knowledge of the world. I’m not ready for them to begin blaming me for my shortcomings as a parent or resenting me for doing too much of one thing, or not enough of another.

I already find that I miss the complete and utter adoration and admiration when in their eyes, I was perfect, amazing, and could do nothing wrong.

I realize the window on my motherly perfection is beginning to close and there is nothing I can do to keep it open. My boys are becoming more savvy in the ways of the world as it becomes bigger, day by day. I am happy and excited for their new experiences, but at the same time, I am fearful. Perhaps, less for them and more for myself.

Being a parent was easier when I could hold them in my arms when they cried and their tears would simply disappear simply because I was near them. It was comforting to me when I could soothe their little pains or problems with kisses and hugs, or words of wisdom they would listen to with big eyes and open ears. But as they get older and their problems get bigger I realize their ears won’t always be as open, their problems will get much bigger, and I will no longer appear to be as smart as I was when they were two. Even now, with each passing day, the little things become bigger as their personalities change and their minds expand. It’s great for your ego when you have two little people who hang on your every word and think that everything you say is the most important thing in the world. The narcissist in me will definitely miss that!

It makes me sad to anticipate the changes that are before me as a mother and them as brothers. I liked when my kids thought I was fun, smart, and cool. They still feel that way, but I can see the veil slowly starting to lift until I am revealed to be “just mom.” While being a mom to young children is exhausting, it is also incredibly wonderful for your ego. After all, is there ever another time in your life when you are ever so incredibly loved and adored as when your children are young? Sadly, I also see the slow but sure separation between brothers as they find their own friends and interests, and the loss of closeness saddens me. We’ve raised them to look out for one another and I hope they will always find their way back to one another as first friends and as brothers. As the next phase of motherhood is barreling upon me, I find that I am full of trepidation. Will I know what to do? Will I be able to help them with their bigger problems? Will I be as effective and patient? What do I know about ‘boy’ problems? Will they care what I have to say? Will I still be able to guide them into adulthood to be good men?

I know I can’t stop them from growing up and I am excited for this next phase of their lives. The independence and confidence that shines within them is amazing and incredible, and I am proud of all of us for getting them to this point. I look at them and am in awe that a decade ago, they weren’t on the planet, and now here they are bringing happiness to my life every day. While I have such hopes and dreams for them, I can’t wait to find out what theirs will be and how to help them get there.

I’m growing up with them and I can’t wait to continue growing old with them.

 

 

What Gives?

I was challenged and I rarely step away from a challenge.

So, I did it. I did the Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS, like so many other people have done all over the world. But I can’t stop thinking that it’s just not enough. Getting freezing cold water dumped on your head makes for good video, but how can that possibly be enough? Awareness is great, but ALS needs so much more than attention. ALS needs funds to do research in order to eradicate this horrible disease that is essentially a death sentence. ALS, which is short for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis or “Lou Gherig’s”‘ disease is a “progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal chord”.  It’s victims are generally between 40-70, both men and women, with about 30,000 Americans affected at any given time. http://www.alsa.org/

My husband and I often talk about teaching our sons how important it is to appreciate what they have. We don’t want them to feel entitled and to understand how fortunate they are to have their health and to prioritize what is important. While we haven’t personally been touched by ALS, we have been affected by other sickness and disease, and we understand how fortunate we are for the life we get to live. We also realize that everything can change in a split second, with the jerk of a steering wheel, a diagnosis, or a phone call relaying bad news. We know how lucky and blessed we are because we have both lost people way too young or too early, and have seen good people suffer.

After I did the Ice bucket Challenge, I couldn’t stop thinking that I should do more, I need to give more, donate more, give back more. So, I’ve decided that from now until October, I’ll donate half of the profits from my books sales to ALS. Then during the month of October, I’ll donate to Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure.

I have to be clear and forthcoming, here. I’m not a New York Times Bestselling Author or a USA Today Bestselling Author. I only have three published books and I’m not very well known. I haven’t sold millions of books and the only reason I’ve published my books is because it’s been a lifelong dream, and because I love to write. But, I’ll continue to market, and share, and encourage those who would share my work with others to do it especially during the next few months because they’ll also be contributing to finding a cure for ALS and Breast cancer.

Whether I donate five dollars or fifty, it will be more than what I was donating before, from my book sales. Now I can do something I love and also know I’m giving to something far more important than me, even if it’s just a little.

And that is a whole lot warmer than having an ice cold bucket of water dumped on my head!

ALS Bucket Challenge

Today I had the pleasure of being nominated to do the #ALSBucketChallenge.

I knew my time was coming because the challenge was circling around me, but I wasn’t sure when it would hit. And then it hit, today.

After I posted it, I had several people thank me for doing it because they have a loved one, or had a loved one who suffered from the disease. But it was my privilege to get to do the challenge, if it would for one moment, remind people of the Hell of this disease and make us think about those who suffer from it. Also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, ALS is a progressive nuerogenerative disease that effects nerve cells in the brain from the spinal chord to the muscles in the body and ends in total paralysis.

I had to get past the personal embarrassment of posting this less-than-flattering video, by giving myself some “tough love” and remembering that it wasn’t about me. It was about something bigger and way more important. You can find the video posted on my Facebook page, and hopefully it will help just a little bit in this epic battle against this horrible disease that affects about 30,000 people at any given time.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=688043104608607&set=vb.435181503228103&type=2&theater

God Bless those who suffer from ALS, and the ones who love them. Let’s hope this challenge will help raise awareness and funds for research and hopefully a total eradication of ALS!

http://www.alsa.org/

Sorting Socks

I haven’t blogged in, what feels. like. forever.

I find that summer is an extremely difficult time to write. It’s not because the words are not there, but because the time to let them flow, is not. This can certainly make for a frustrated writer.

Between baseball, working, spending time with little boys who are home all summer, and juggling the craziness of plain old life, blogging falls to the bottom of the priority list, with working on my fourth novel not that much higher. I’m not whining… not really. Doesn’t anyone and everyone feel the way I do about things they love? Life just gets in the way which is expected.

But do you want to know what really makes me crazy?? It’s the ONE thing in life I can’t stand or accept no matter how hard I try. It’s the one thing that pulls me from being able to write and makes me insane… sorting socks!

With four people who wear multiple pairs of socks sometimes all in one day even, between washing, sorting, matching, and folding I waste hours of valuable writing time. HOURS! HOURS! If you’re like me, socks are the last thing I deal with when doing laundry. I would rather clean a toilet than sort through a gigantic pile of socks in every imaginable size and shape. It’s a task that feels futile… you know what I mean. Laundry is the one domestic duty I detest because it’s time consuming, annoying, and never ever ending. And honestly, I’d rather be writing. I’d rather be writing than doing many things, but I’m not kidding, I would rather go naked if it was socially acceptable that wash another load of dirty clothes.

An old friend asked me the other day,” How does it feel to be a writer?”

I struggled to answer the question because quite frankly, I don’t often feel like a writer. As much as I want to be, I’m more often other things. Queen Sock Sorter, being one of them. And it’s not a question of not wanting to write more often, it’s just a matter of what is most important in my life, and sometimes, those little pieces of cotton just end up to be priority above sitting at a keyboard and “bleeding” (Ernest Hemingway).

I jest, but seriously. Show me a writer, mother, blogger, full time career woman, SAH (stay at home) Mother, who doesn’t deal with the same issues? How many times do you say “I would work out more” or” eat healthier”, “get my nails done”,  or “take that art class” if only… I didn’t have to (fill in the blank)? So, I’ve decided it’s time to make a stronger effort.

Writing makes me happy.

It calms my nerves, empties my head, and is the one thing I do for ME. I don’t write because I’m expected to or even particularly great at it. If I stopped writing tomorrow the only person who might really miss it, is me, which I accept and am completely fine with. But being a writer helps me reflect so I understand who I am and can make better sense of the world which is why I’ve always done it. Which is why I’ve decided that this Queen Sock Sorter can also be a more prolific writer.

I just have to figure out how.

I’ll keep fighting to blog and to write because sorting socks just depresses me. And hopefully you’ll see more pieces from me in the near future as I practice my writing skills, release the demons, and do something other than practice my powers as a domestic Goddess. ;) And if anyone wants to come over and sort my socks for me, you can comment below and we can negotiate. :)

 

Book Sale!

I’m a girl who loves a good sale.

Sooooo… I’ve decided to have a summer sale for all of my EBooks! Right now, they are only $.99, including my new release, I Run to You. It’s a great time to stock up on them, even if they are on a TBR list for later.

Go and take advantage. Tell a friend! It won’t last forever!!! :)

I Run to You

Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/I-Run-You-Jennifer-Sivec-ebook/dp/B00KPK5EE2/ref=sr_1_2_bnp_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1405434916&sr=8-2&keywords=I+Run+to+You

B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/i-run-to-you-jennifer-sivec/1119886694?ean=2940149786183

Leaving Eva

Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Eva-Jennifer-Sivec-ebook/dp/B00CBDHYCG/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1405434953&sr=8-1&keywords=Leaving+Eva

B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/leaving-eva-jennifer-sivec/1115148135?ean=2940016461694

Losing Eva

Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Losing-Eva-Jennifer-Sivec-ebook/dp/B00G99ZIDA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405434977&sr=8-1&keywords=Losing+Eva

B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/losing-eva-jennifer-sivec/1117254869?ean=2940148589853

I Run to You

I Run to You

I Run to You is not your typical love story. It’s a story about the power of love and choice, and what happens when one young woman decides to change her life completely.

Synopsis~

Alyssa Bennet had been living life on autopilot, never taking chances or the time to figure out what she wanted in life.   A broken family and lonely childhood had failed to show her the true meaning and depth of what love can be.

 

But all that changes on her 25th birthday.  

 

Alyssa suddenly realizes that it’s up to her to take charge and choose the direction of her life.

 

Landon Daniels, Alyssa’s best guy friend is always there for her whenever she needs him. But when the unthinkable happens and life takes a drastic turn, her relationship and feelings for Landon become too complicated to face. Alyssa is forced to rely heavily on the only two people she’s ever been able to trust, her best friend Anna and her beloved Nona. As they always have, they help Alyssa sort through the mess that has become her life. 

 

At her time of deepest despair, Alyssa finally begins to learn what true love really means. But her old feelings of inadequacy quickly creep back into her life making her doubt she can ever have happiness.

 

Will Alyssa be strong enough to face her fears and run toward the only man she’s ever loved, or will she destroy her chance completely? 

Buy Links:

Amazon~http://www.amazon.com/I-Run-You-Jenni...

Barnes & Noble~http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/i-run...

Also available on IBooks.

The Will to Win

The Will to Win.

Cover Reveal-I Run to You

It’s hard to believe I’m releasing my third book in a month!

I shared the cover on my Facebook page but in case you missed it, I wanted to share it here, also. It’s my first cover with actual people, and I fell in love with it immediately. I felt it conveyed the beauty of Landon and Alyssa, so well.

On July 2nd, I’ll release I Run to You (Synopsis below):

Alyssa Bennet had been living life on autopilot, never taking chances or the time to figure out what she wanted in life. A broken family and lonely childhood had failed to show her the true meaning and depth of what love can be.

But all that changes on her 25th birthday.

Alyssa suddenly realizes that it’s up to her to take charge and choose the direction of her life.

Landon Daniels, Alyssa’s best guy friend is always there for her whenever she needs him. But when the unthinkable happens and life takes a drastic turn, her relationship and feelings for Landon become too complicated to face. Alyssa is forced to rely heavily on the only two people she’s ever been able to trust, her best friend Anna and her beloved Nona. As they always have, they help Alyssa sort through the mess that has become her life.

At her time of deepest despair, Alyssa finally begins to learn what true love really means. But her old feelings of inadequacy quickly creep back into her life making her doubt she can ever have happiness.

Will Alyssa be strong enough to face her fears and run toward the only man she’s ever loved, or will she destroy her chance completely?

Come join me on my Facebook page for the Release Day Event! There will be a lot of fun giveaways, including eCopies and signed copies of I Run to You!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/1499212766964532/?ref=22