R. Brandon Andersen's Blog, page 2

My book, Mantrap, is FREE on Kindle this weekend!

It’s been a while since my last blog post, but I just wanted to mention that Mantrap, is free on Kindle this whole weekend! Go download, it – don’t cost nothin’.

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10 WORST things to do in the zombie apocalypse

So there’s plenty of opinions out there on what to do during the zombie apocalypse. Build a fortress, flee for the countryside, find Simon Pegg and fight side-by-side with him, etc. But here are some things NOT to do during the zombie apocalypse. In brainstorming this list, it occurred to me that some of the first things we would instinctively do in an emergency would be terrible to do when the dead rise.

1. Go to a hospital

Probably the single worst place to be in the zombie apocalypse

A hospital seems like a logical place to go in a crisis, right? This is exactly what thousands of other people will think too. Victims of zombie bites and scratches will be rushed to hospitals, creating a veritable breeding ground of terror inside.

But what if you’re seriously injured, you may ask? Even if your leg has been cut off and you’re about to bleed out, you’re better off with a tourniquet and the threat of gangreen than going to a hospital.

2. Get on a plane

Basically a flying zombie buffet

When the shit hits the fan, it’s time to get the f- out of Dodge, right? And what better way than boarding the next plane to Anywhere-but-here? So after rushing to the airport, leaving your car in the hourly parking garage – because you’re not coming back for it – you get your ticket, go through security and board your flight. As it’s taking off, a couple people on the plane start seizing, and the next thing you know, there are six zombies climbing over the seats freely biting everyone in sight. Oh, and you’re on a plane, so you have no weapon other than a rolled up SkyMall magazine. Good luck with that.

3. Attempt to cure someone who is infected

A loved one gets bit. It’s only a matter of time before they turn. Your instincts will tell you to help them or at least comfort them until the end. In this case, your instincts are dead wrong. Once bit, there’s nothing you can do for your loved one. Just tell them that you love them and send them on their way. Hopefully when they turn into the walking dead they’ll walk away from you and you’ll never have to come face to face with them again.

4. Play a game of Risk

No, this is not the time to play a game. Okay, maybe a quick game…NO, there are no quick games of RISK. Now get your zombie survival kit together and let’s get out of here.

5. Be on reddit

The face of procrastination

Most likely, the zombie apocalypse is not going to shut down our entire infrastructure right away. This means that sites like reddit will still be up. It’s going to be really tempting to to refresh /r/zombies every couple of minutes for the latest updates on what’s going on – but each of those minutes is going to cost you preparation time. Get off of reddit and…okay, just refresh it one more time to see if that guy ever got that safe opened.

6. Start shooting your enemies before they are zombies

Just because it’s the apocalypse doesn’t mean you now have a carte blanche license to kill. Murder is murder. But once they turn into a zombie, it’s open season.

7. Negotiate

“Well, these creatures used to be people. Maybe we an talk to them…find out what they want?” Nope, zombies aren’t people and they don’t reason. Want to know what they’re after? You. So skip any negotiating tactics and go for firepower. Because zombies don’t care about why they should spare you. Zombies don’t give a f%$#.

8. Go streaking

Some people handle stress in different ways. While some of us will be preparing our survival strategy, there will be those people who think that now would be a good time to do something to garner them some attention. The zombie apocalypse isn’t a soccer match or baseball game – streaking isn’t going to get you the attention you want. Instead, you’re going to be zombie bait, and seen as a threat by others who will forego rule #6 and shoot your naked ass.

9. Have an orgy

William Hogarth [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

With all social norms thrown out the window and the end of days approaching, it may seem logical to go out with a bang (pun intended). With no fear of rejection and an already overactive adrenal effect, a large number of people are probably going to find a shag carpeted basement and become overnight hedonists. On the surface, it doesn’t sound awful.

But through the grunting and moaning of men, women, and possibly livestock (depending on what area of the country you’re in) your preoccupied mind won’t hear the moans of the undead as they approach your swingers den. Before you know it, that random arm in your face isn’t connected to a body, and the nibbling on your backside has turned into full-on zombie bites. Hope it was worth it – sinner.

10. Give up

Never, never, ever give up. Fight to your last breath to save those whom you’re with – or at least give them a fighting chance.

Plus, nobody likes a quitter.

 

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Writing endings

You’ve spent months, maybe even years writing a story. Now you’re nearing the end of your characters’ journey and you’re thinking, “How in the hell do I wrap this up?” You’re not alone. Writing endings can be one of the most stressful parts of storytelling.

If you’re writing from an outline, you may find that the ending you had dreamed up months ago is no longer valid. Or perhaps it is valid, but seems a bit weak.

If you’re writing without an outline, the sky’s the limit on what your ending could be, and that’s what makes the decision so tough. So what do you look for in writing an ending?

Last year I wrote a post on how to write a plot. Without a strong plot, the ending isn’t going to carry much weight. First, look at the plot of your story and make sure it’s strong. Has the main character or characters had their world turned upside-down? Now, have they worked to overcome some seemingly insurmountable obstacle? If you a strong plot, the reader is going to be on-edge wondering what’s going to happen to the main character/characters.

Sense of urgency

A great climax comes from your characters having no way back. If the character could just turn around and go back to their normal life, they’d have no reason to move forward and face their antagonist. Without having everything on the line, the reader is left with no sense of urgency for the main character. No sense of urgency leads to little to no interest in what happens next.

How does your character change?

In the end, your character needs to change in some way. If they don’t, the entire story has been literary masturbation. The change can be as big as the character sacrificing their life, or as small as the character gaining a little perspective on a single aspect of life. Big or small, something needs to change.

Now, asking a character to change isn’t the same thing as giving the character what they want. A character can change through failure. Maybe they face the antagonist and fail. Look at 1984. (Spoiler alert) At the end, Winston Smith goes from fighting Big Brother to loving him. He loses. But his change makes the entire story even more haunting.

Deliver a knockout

In James Scott Bell’s Plot and Structure, he states that the end should have a knockout. The last part of a story should be memorable to a reader, and deliver that last punch that ignites a reaction. In 1984, the last sentence of the book “He loved Big Brother.” is a knockout. You realize that this character you’ve been rooting for has lost. It’s heart-breaking.

Give your story a knockout punch. You can flip the story on it’s head (like in the Sixth Sense), or tie everything back to the beginning of the story in some way. Show how the character has changed.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Being There. At the end, Chance is walking outside and straightens a small tree – a tie back to the beginning of the movie where Chance is taking care of “the old man’s” garden. The knockout comes when Chance literally walks on water.

It’s tempting to go into a lot of exposition at the end of a story. Don’t. Leave things up in the air for a reader to decide. A little ambiguity leaves room for the reader to continue the story on their own. It keeps interest going long after the story is finished.

Brainstorm a knockout

I had the ending of Mantrap  figured out for months before the story was done. I knew it was a bit weak, but the book was really written for my friends and I wanted things to end nicely. After reading Plot and Structure, I started wondering if I needed a knockout ending.

One night I simply brainstormed ideas, and no idea was too strange. I wrote down two pages worth of endings as bullet points. On the last one, my pen stopped and I smiled. The knockout I had just written down left things ambiguous, and also had ramifications back through the story. From that knockout, I was able to go back and add an entire sub-plot to the book. Had it not been for that brainstorming session, a major plot point in my story would have never been told.

Now, nearly everyone who I know that has read Mantrap asks me the same question about the ending. It’s the one thing about the book that really stands out to them.

 

The end of a story is the one thing people will remember from it. Put the effort into a solid ending and it will leave a real impact on your reader.

The post Writing endings appeared first on Brandon Andersen.

20 funny zombie pictures

Okay, this one is just for fun. Here are some funny zombie pictures that I’ve collected over the years. The whole zombie genre is so gory and gross, it’s nice to sometimes break out of the blood, bile and butchery and enjoy a little humor.

Probably the most truthful pie chart regarding the zombie apocalypse

 

The evolution of zombies

 

Before you start hacking and slashing, take a moment to remember…

 

And since they were people at one point…some of them are more superficial than others

 

When the zombies come, keep calm and bury on

Seems like a good idea, until that generator runs out of juice

 

Screw the treadmills, just line your house with these

Identify what you’re up against

 

Which brings us to…

Odds are, you’re going to be a zombie, not a hero. Better study up

 

 

When ordering, don’t forget about the zombie food pyramid guidelines

Try to blend in

We’re all thinking it

 

This is just one more reason why I’m a runner

 

These guys just can’t catch a break

 

Except he can’t open doors, grab anything to eat or do much of anything else. But, dying of dehydration in a swarm of zombies may be better than getting ripped apart.

 

This guy picked Palin to be a running mate, so I’m not so sure he’s interested in brains

 

Again, we’re all thinking it

 

One of the greatest internet comics takes on zombies

If you’re not already reading Cyanide and Happiness, go do it now.

 

 The family that slays together, stays together

 

Do you have any funny zombie pictures you’d like to share? If so, link to them in the comments below.

 

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Zombie survival kits – what you need to defend against the undead

A nice little kit by redditor Nessabean for her husband.

Civilization has been brought to its knees by the zombie apocalypse. Now you’re huddled up in your home and the lights in the neighborhood have just went dark. If you prepared for this moment, you’ve got a zombie survival kit and a fighting chance. If you haven’t, you’re a walking cheeseburger.

Getting prepared for the onslaught of zombies can’t happen when the first few rumors start floating about – “Hey did you hear about Phil’s grandmother? Apparently she died and then woke back up. Ate the whole family. Very odd.” Panic will be in full swing by then, and you’d be lucky to get your hands on a ketchup packet, let alone a solid weapon. Instead, you need to focus on your survival before the first sign of an outbreak. And survival means being prepared with your own zombie survival kit. Luckily, there are some fine harbingers of zombie survival capitalism that have created some kits that are ready to go. But are they really what you need? Here’s a review of 3 off-the-shelf kits as well as a list of what you need to make your own:

Every Day Carry Zombie 3 Day Survival / Disaster Preparedness Kit 5 Year Storage from Rakuten.com – $34.99

3 days, huh? You sound like an optimist.

What you get:

First aid kit – a must have in any survival kit
Waterproof matches – beats the hell out of rubbing two sticks together
Lightsticks
Emergency hammer – for breaking car windows and cutting seat belts
Instruction sheet for how to prepare your home for an emergency – very good thinking
Survival bracelet that can be used as rope – fashion and function meet
Emergency blanket
Six 125ml pouches of water – seriously, where’s the water FILTER so I don’t have to carry my own water?
Energy bar – same one that’s in the Zombie Survival Kit from Overstock
Whistle – for drawing zombies to your location intentionally?

The thought behind this one is good. The whole kit is relatively small and portable. You could keep one in your car, at your home and in your office. However, while planning only three days ahead could get buy you the time to get a real plan in place, this kit doesn’t fit the bill for actually enduring the zombie apocalypse. It’s all about day-to-day survival, but you need tools that can last you in the long run. Bad zombie survival kit. Bad! But you can get it here.

 

Zombie Survival Kit from Overstock.com – $119.99

A whole bucket of survival gear – but…really…a whistle?

What you get:

Para Bracelet that can be used as rope
Survival Card Tool – whatever that means
Snake Bite Kit – to use against zombie bites?
Zombie Shank – for up-close or last resort combat
Six (6) 4.2-ounce Water Pouches
3600 Calorie Food Bar – eats like a meal
Protective Mask
Emergency Poncho – shields from rain, snow, sleet and buckets of blood?
Tissue Packs – gotta wipe
Emergency Blankets – like regular blankets, but with blinking lights?
Pair of Latex Gloves – hot
Emergency Light Stick
A damn whistle
First Aid Kit

Sorry, but that machete looks a hell of a lot like a hatchet. Plus, only one food bar and about 25 ounces of water total? Come on…you can do better than this. Oh and the whistle…whose idea was that? Maybe it’s what you give the person in your group who you really don’t like – “Hey Bob, go run to the other end of the street and blow the whistle really loud. That should scare those things away.”

This would make for a cute gift, but it’s not for survival. Though, it does store nicely for up to 20 years. You can find it here.

 

Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet – $23,999

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he brought you one hell of a zombie survival kit.

What you get:

Just about everything you can think of, except actual weapons.

A myriad of weapons accessories like lasers, flashlights, scopes, etc.
Knives
Cases and Backpacks
Gun cleaning kit
Ammunition reloaders – yes, you can reload your own spent shell casings. Waste not, want not.
Tons of tools
Protective gear
Solar panels for electricity
Laboratory equipment – in case you’re up for single-handedly finding the cure to the disease that has wiped out the majority of the human race

The kit here is amazing, if not overkill. There is no way one person could carry everything in this kit. If you’re going in on the apocalypse with a friend, this kit is a great self-defense kit for holding a position. However, once you’re on the move, it becomes far less effective. Buy it here. You know you want to.

 

Make your own zombie survival kit – Doing it right

Want a really great way survive the zombie apocalypse? Make your own zombie survival kit. Here are the main items that you need. Again, customize each item to fit your own needs.

1. A solid backpack. Go for something that’ll last. Ignore the Hello Kitty backpacks, as they’re often small and lack the fine craftsmanship you’ll need.

2. Handheld melee weapon or blade. This one is up to you. If you’re more comfortable with a baseball bat (metal) instead of an axe, go for the bat. If you’re down with swords, grab a high quality, full-hilt sword that can be used in combat. Don’t get fooled by display swords, they will break the first time you swing them.

If efficiency is your game, go with a crowbar. It’s incredibly effective as a melee weapon, still has sharp ends, and can be used for a myriad of other purposes.

3. Waterproof boots. You’re going to be doing a lot of hiking through various terrain. Get some comfortable hiking boots.

4. Firearm. Rifles, shotguns, pistols, whatever you feel most comfortable with. Remember, with each weapon there are pros and cons. Also, remember that you have to carry the ammo. If you’re going to encounter a lot of creatures, I’d suggest a smaller caliber handgun or rifle. It only takes one shot to the head to kill a zombie, regardless if that shot is from a .50 caliber sniper rifle or a simple .22.

5. Ammo. Ass much as you can reasonably carry.

6. Gun cleaning kit. Ask anyone in the military what’s more important, a clean body or a clean gun. Ditch the body wash, Alice, and grab a gun cleaning kit.

7. Water bottle with built in filtration. You don’t want to carry gallons of water with you. Speed is of the essence and on foot it’s impossible to carry more than a gallon or two of water with you. Grab a filtration bottle so you can drink from any water source you find along the way. Make sure it has at least a quart’s worth of capacity so you can carry some water with you.

8. Waterproof matches. Fire, good!

9. Knife. Grab one with a blade on one edge and a saw on the other. Both sides will come in handy.

10. Rechargable flashlight. A little hand-cranked number will do.

11. 1-2 pairs of breathable socks. Get athletic socks that are moisture wicking. That will help keep painful blisters away.

12. Compass. Your GPS runs on batteries. While the satellites will still work for months or even years, your GPS will be dead in a day or two, max. Learn to use a compass and a map.

13. Map.

14. Poncho or rain coat. You will be in the elements for probably the first time in your life. Grab yourself a poncho to stay dry. Soaked clothing is heavy and restricts movement. If it’s starting to get cold outside, that wet clothing will become unbearable.

15. Signaling mirror. This is the best way to attract welcome attention to yourself. It’s small, lightweight and can get the attention of other groups that can hopefully assist you. Be careful in who you contact though. Zombies aren’t the only creatures to fear.

16. Sleeping bag. You’d be surprised how cold it gets at night. Find a thin, thermal sleeping bag that’s easy to carry and reflects your own body heat back into the bag as you sleep. You’ll feel like a HotPocket. A warm, toasty HotPocket.

17. First aid kit. Get a light one with basic supplies like antibacterial cream, bandages and latex gloves.

18. Two way radio, if it’s more than just you. If you’re alone, don’t worry about the radio, it’ll just be added bulk. If there are two or more of you, stay in communication. Caveat: if you have a radio, you need batteries. Lots of batteries.

19. Fishing hooks with line. I don’t like fish. You may not like fish. But when push comes to shove, this is the best way to get much needed protein into your diet. Hunting with that rifle of yours is going to be too damn loud. Fishing will be nearly silent in comparison.

20. An ironclad will to survive. 

Got something that I missed? Throw it in the comments. Let’s discuss.

The post Zombie survival kits – what you need to defend against the undead appeared first on Brandon Andersen.

Lessons in self-publishing – Week 1

About a week ago, give or take a day or two, I self-published my first book, Mantrap, to Amazon. (Hurray for me, high fives all around – which, when you’re alone, is really just clapping.) Here’s a breakdown of what my plan was for that first week and what I learned along the way.

Step 1: Publish when I am ready

It’s been one week since my first book was published.

I waited quite a while to publish my book. I nearly published in February, but my wife and I had our belated honeymoon planned for early March, so I held off. I wanted to be around and active when the book went live to the public. The last thing I wanted was to publish and then disappear for two weeks. Part of it was being there to respond to friends and family, and the other part was my own curiosity to see if people would like it.

Lesson learned

I’m glad that I waited. I published when I would be around and active with my little community. How did I let them know that I had published, you ask?

Step 2: Figure out pricing and royalties

70% royalties vs. 35% royalties. Seems like a no-brainer, right? I went with 70%, because I’m good at math.

Lesson learned

Well, I thought this was a simple decision until I got into the nitty-gritty. KDP Select will give you 70% royalties (minus download fees, which are minimal), but you have to be exclusively with Amazon for 90 days. For me, that wasn’t a big deal. Amazon was my go-to for publishing the digital version of the book, and I was using CreateSpace for the paperback version. It also gave me the ability to do a free download promotion down the line and enabled people with Amazon Prime to borrow the book for free (and I’d still get paid a royalty of 35% of the list price.) But, as Michael J. Sullivan pointed out, most people probably won’t use their monthly borrow on my book. I can’t say I disagree with him.

UPDATE: I misspoke above. The 70% royalty option doesn’t require KDP Select or exclusivity with Amazon. Thanks to Robert who pointed that out in the comments. 

The main problem with KDP Select is that you can’t go below $2.99 for your book. Now, I priced mine at $3.99 for the Kindle version because I feel that it’s worth at least the price of a latté. Plus, it’s a full-length novel. It also gave me some wiggle room to drop it to $2.99 in the future if I wanted to try to bump up sales.

For the paperback, I went with $12.99 mostly because it gave me some flexibility in offering discounts and it also aligns itself with other paperbacks of a similar length.

Step 3: Post to Facebook

This was the moment I had hoped for and feared. Part of me worried that no one would see the post, as I hadn’t been very active on Facebook the month prior. That meant that my posts weren’t going to carry much weight. But, I posted it anyway. Luckily, I have amazing friends and the response was amazing.

Got some good traction on Facebook

My initial post garnered 38 Likes and 19 comments, which wasn’t too bad. 4 people also shared it.

Lesson learned

Facebook was essential in getting off the ground for the week. This first push netted quite a few downloads and paperback orders. I’m truly amazed at the support I have in this venture, and I hope that others out there have a similar experience. The reach of this post could have easily been amplified with a promoted post, but that sounds a lot like selling out. And I’m not going to sell out unless the price is right.

Step 4: Link to the book on my blog

This blog is my hub for content that I want to share about writing, publishing and whatever else is on my mind, so of course I couldn’t contain my excitement after I pushed the book out to my friends on Facebook. I also made the fancy banner ad on the right for the book. I have six more ads similar to it that I will cycle on the blog to see which ones work the best.

Lesson learned

I felt pretty safe posting to the blog because I don’t get a ton of traffic, but in hindsight, I wish I had waited to get a few reviews up on Amazon before I went this public with it. Oh well, next time.

Step 5: Get a couple of reviews on Amazon 

I sought out reviews from my friends who had read advanced copies of the book. I reached out to them on Facebook and via email. In a couple of days, I had 3 reviews. So far, so good.

Lesson learned

Ask people for honest reviews and they’ll give them to you. Just ask nicely.

Step 6: Reach out to a specific group who knows me and will like the book

I wanted to get at least a couple of reviews on Amazon before I reached out to my next audience – a group of terrible, no-good people known as the Alumni of the fraternity Alpha Pi Epsilon. This group is tight-knit, amazing, and the book was literally written for a group of them. I knew that going out to that group without at least a couple of reviews would look amateurish, and might not help instill faith in them that this was a legitimate work. Having even a couple of reviews should help, right?

Lesson learned

I don’t know if the reviews helped or not. In the end, the response was again a great one. I got 17 comments on my post and saw another spike in sales. For a little while, I broke into the top 5,000 of all Kindle books on Amazon. That was short lived though.

Step 7: Get at least 5 reviews on Amazon

This time I didn’t have to pimp for more reviews. I logged onto Amazon three days after I published and saw 5 reviews sitting next to the book. That was a great feeling.

Lesson learned

There was a chance that I wouldn’t have gotten these reviews without a lot of trying. I think I got lucky and have great friends who support me. But if they were jerks, I would have reached out to them again. Don’t get me wrong, some of my friends are jerks.

Step 8: Set up Author/book pages

I set up my author pages on Goodreads, Amazon, and AddictedToEbooks. Goodreads and Amazon were the two most important. AddictedToEbooks wouldn’t allow me to set up a profile until I had 5 reviews on Amazon, hence the step 4 goal.

This makes me feel more important than it should.

Lesson learned

Seeing my Amazon Author page was pretty amazing. Almost as amazing as seeing my book on Amazon for the first time. This step feels like it lends quite a bit of credibility to the book. Plus, the extra exposure for my blog didn’t hurt either. I really like what Amazon and Goodreads have done for authors in helping them organize their online personas in places where people search out good books.

Goodreads was strange. I manually added the book, including ISBNs and all information they asked for. However, it didn’t show up in the search for 4 nerve-racking days. When it finally did, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Step 9: Order my 5 free books from CreateSpace via NaNoWriMo

I was a NaNoWriMo winner this year, and one of the prizes was 5 free paperbacks from CreateSpace. Who am I to turn down free stuff?

Lesson learned

Shipping was $5.95.

Oh well…still worth it.

Step 10: Thank EVERYBODY

Self-publishing is all about word-of-mouth marketing. Every reviewer of my book who I knew personally, I thanked. Everyone who liked my Facebook post or shared it, I thanked. To those of you who already bought my book, THANK YOU! To those of you who are reading this, THANK YOU! You’re supporting me just by being on this page and making it this far in this post. I hope that you’ve found these steps and lessons helpful, and can use them in your own self-publishing endeavors.

Lesson learned

As much as we’re loners when we write, we need others when we’re ready to unleash that story to the world. And the world deserves to hear that story.

 

The post Lessons in self-publishing – Week 1 appeared first on Brandon Andersen.

Mantrap – A Zombie Comedy

Mantrap – Now available in paperback and on Kindle!

About two-and-a-half years ago, my buddy Duane and I were driving back to Chicago from a little cabin on Mantrap Lake in Minnesota where he and I meet up with a few of our old college frat brothers every year for a long weekend of drinking, playing nerdy games and being away from technology. On the way back, we were talking about how weird it was to be cut off from civilization for even a few days. If something crazy would have happened in the world while we were away, we wouldn’t have the slightest clue.

That concept got us thinking: What kind of crazy things could happen? A meteor hitting someplace in the world? A war starting up somewhere. A politician inadvertently telling the truth?

Being guys who were nearing 30 years old, we agreed that the coolest thing would be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. That week I sat down and threw down the first chapter of a story that I called “Mantrap.”

What it’s about

Here’s what the back of the book says:

Mantrap is the story of six friends who escape the modern world and their day-to-day responsibilities as husbands, fathers and boyfriends, for a two-week bender in a rustic cabin on Mantrap Lake in the middle of nowhere Minnesota. Devoid of any contact with civilization, they are blissfully unaware that the zombie apocalypse has begun while they’ve been gone, and now half of North America is filled with the walking dead.

Now they must survive the onslaught of undead creatures, mutated wildlife, and each other to find a way to reach their loved ones, whom may or may not still be alive.

It’s a pretty good description of the story, but it doesn’t mention that it’s actually a dark comedy that borders on horror. There’s a bit of gore in it – so much so that my editor in Chicago actually didn’t make it through the book the first time I presented it to her to read. But it’s gore that you get used to. After one zombie has been shot in the face, it all just melds together in my mind.

It’s also true-to-life of what guys do when they’re away from their loved ones. We drink, we smoke, we call each other names, and we’re even more profane than normal – which is pretty profane.

That having been said, it’s definitely a book that would be rated R if it were a movie (fingers crossed).

Who would like it

Any zombie fanatic
Fans of buddy/group comedies
Horror fans who like dark humor
People who want a mindless fun read

Where you can find it

Mantrap is currently available in paperback and on Kindle from Amazon.

 

If you like the book, please drop me a note or, better yet, leave a review on Amazon!

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Distractions, distractions, distractions

Distracted?

When I started writing this blog, my goal was to write a new post every week. “That’ll be pretty easy,” I told myself, “No problem.”

I’m staring at the date of my last post, which was over a month ago, and wondering, “What the hell happened?”

Real life happened.

Real life is full of distractions, and for me a bunch popped up at once. First, I am still in the process of publishing my first book. Something that I thought would take a week to set up ended up taking two weeks, which also overlapped with a two week vacation that my wife and I took. So a one week process turned into four weeks. In that time, I didn’t write. My focus was on getting the materials ready for my book and on vacation (which was pretty awesome and much needed, might I add.)

Distractions pop up in everything that we do. They offer a break from the norm, or are urgent things that we have no choice but to address. For those distractions that are a break from the norm – I’m looking at you Facebook and reddit – we can simply choose not to let them be distractions. For example, if you’re writing on your computer, don’t have a browser open. Seems simple, but for those of us with a touch of ADD, we like to bounce around to different things and usually have something going on in the background. Close those browser windows and focus. If you need to jump online to check something out, discipline yourself to stay focused and not veer off into the dark, time-sucking underbelly that is social media.

For urgent issues that pop up, or scheduled things that we can’t move (like a vacation) a distraction can take us down a road of getting out of a habit. You see this all the time with people and diets. They’ll do really well on a diet and then the holidays come up. “Well, it’s the holidays, I’ll get back on my diet afterward.” Boom, the weight comes back on and they have to start over. The same goes for writing. Right now, I don’t want to write. I’m all about relaxing when I can and working my ass off during the day (at my day job, not writing). I need to get back on the horse and start writing again. This post was my first step back into things.

Don’t let distractions get you down or throw out all of the hard work you’ve put into developing good habits. If you’ve been distracted like I have, take some time and refocus. Think about your writing goals and how you are going to reach them. It’s time to forget about the past and move on.

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Waiting impatiently

Yep, this is the cover of my first book.

On Sunday, February 24th, 2013, I will publish my first book. After over 18 month’s worth of work (and creating two entirely different versions of the story), I’m set to publish “Mantrap” to the world. Actually, I’m going to be pushing it on my friends and family first to get their feedback, and then I’ll throw it out to the world.

Right now it’s with my amazing editor, Julia Lobo, for a final review. And I’m on pins and needles. 

So far I’ve put together an entire marketing plan, and even have ads created. For anyone who knows me, the fact that I have any sort of plan probably just made them scoff. But I really want this book to succeed and reach a large number of people. Not because I want to make money (well, I do want to make money), but because I like the story and I want to share it with people. That’s why I wrote it in the first place.

Now that it’s about a week away, I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. I’ve been tucked into bed, kissed on the forehead, and told to go to sleep. But there’s no way I’m going to sleep. I’m freakin’ excited, and scared.

So now I’m sitting here waiting. Waiting to see if people will like the book. Waiting to see if my marketing campaign will work. Waiting to see if anyone other than my close friends like this type of dark comedy.

I can’t wait to unwrap this present.

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Taking risks – My story

And I thought skydiving would make me look cool.

Life is really short

Sure, it’s the longest thing you’ll ever do, but while you’re doing it, you may as well make the most of it.

By nature, I’m not very adventurous. I’m more of a nerdy guy who would rather take something apart and reassemble it than go climb a mountain. My senior year of high school, during an unrelated visit to the doctor, I found out that I had a heart condition. A bicuspid aortic valve to be precise. The pediatrician who told me about it said that I would need heart valve replacement by the time I was 25, and that I wouldn’t be able to live an active lifestyle. It freaked me the hell out. I was 18. Life was just beginning, and here some woman (along with an intern who clung to every word she said) was telling me that life could very well be cut short for me, and that in 7 years I’d be on an operating table getting the heart valve from a cadaver put in my chest.

I vowed then that I wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks that could prematurely end my life. On this list were doing any intensive “crazy” exercising like running a marathon or a triathlon, bungie jumping, parasailing, and yes…sky diving. Too much risk, I thought. Not enough reward.

College was rather uneventful as a result. Yes, there were some great stories in there, but I was fairly tame when it came right down to it. I rushed a fraternity though…my senior year. All in all, I was pretty boring.

Sometimes you just have to jump

View of Lake Michigan from my old apartment

I moved to Chicago after college. It was completely out of character for me. I only knew two people in the city: my roommate who moved with me and his girlfriend. I had never lived in a city larger than Lincoln, NE, which was only for a summer, and I also moved before I had a job.

My roommate (Duane) and I signed a year long lease (which each of our parents co-signed) for a penthouse apartment that we got for dirt cheap. We had a beautiful view of Lake Michigan from the 18th floor of the high rise, and our neighbor was an amateur pornographer.

And sometimes you’ll fall

After 3 months of spending most of my time playing video games, drinking at the bar, and missing home, I was nearly broke. My life savings dried up well before I thought it would (in hindsight, I lived pretty well for 3 months on less than 7 grand), and if I didn’t find a job in the next month, I would have to put my tail between my legs and sulk back home. To Nebraska. Back to the old me that stood at the front door of my parents’ house as I left for Chicago and said, “You can’t make it in some strange city. Stay here and be safe.”

So try harder

With the very real threat of going back home, I realized that I wasn’t helping myself much. In the 3 months I was in Chicago, I applied to about ten jobs. TEN. That’s about 3 per month.

For the first time, I made getting a job my job. I applied for a few dozen jobs in the next week. My dreams of landing a middle management position that paid $75k right out of college went out the window. I applied for entry-level jobs. I customized my resume. And I did something I had never really allowed myself to do: I asked for help.

I asked people that I knew if they had any Chicago connections. I’d go for anything. Does your friend own a hot dog stand? I’ll hand out condiments. Does your uncle own a horse? I’ll scoop its shit. Just give me a job.

I was so scared that I was going to fail.

And sometimes you get lucky

Duane came home from his job that he got a month before and asked me a question. “Do you want to do contract work for my company? We can pay you $20 per hour.”

$20 per hour was a lot of money to a guy who was broke.

Hell yes I’d do that. Plus, I didn’t have to scoop any shit. I joined Duane at his job for a month before one of my connections, the pastor at my family’s old church, Dan Davis, reached out to me. He had an old friend in Chicago who used to be in the consulting field before he retired. I called his friend, Max Stucker, told him what I was looking for, and went back to my $20/hour job. A week later I got a call from a consulting firm in downtown Chicago. They wanted to bring me in for an interview. I hadn’t sent them an resume or even inquired about a job there. Max had recommended me – after only a 30 minute phone conversation. I landed the job.

Since then, I’ve had a comfortable living in Chicago. Finances were something I didn’t have to worry about, which I’m very lucky to have.

Keep going

Being financially stable was great, but I soon learned that living didn’t mean just getting by with what you needed. It means LIVING.

Check out those calves! (They’re cramping)

In 2008 I decided to do something stupid: a marathon. I trained for nearly a year, and on the day of the event, the Chicago weather decided to have fun and top out that beautiful October day at 90 degrees. At mile 24, with the sun beating down on my back and radiating heat off of the asphalt, I became disoriented. My body was giving out on me. I pushed it too far. I stopped running and began to walk/wobble. It was the infamous “wall” that people hit in long races. I walked for a mile, throwing as many fluids in my body as I could find. When I hit mile 25, I pulled my head up and gave myself one command: run.

I ran the last 1.2 miles. I crossed the finish line and threw up more water and Gatorade than I thought I could fit in my system. Medics took me to an area where I could sit and they put bags of ice all over my body. After half an hour, my internal temp came back to normal and I was able to walk again. I had finished a marathon. And I lived.

Be inspired

Triathlon complete.

Two years after the marathon, my wife fulfilled one of her dreams. She completed an Olympic distance triathlon. A TRIATHLON.

I had done most of the training with her in the months leading up to it, and couldn’t help but be inspired by her determination and drive. The next year, we both trained for the Chicago Triathlon. On August 28th, 2011, my wife (fiance at the time) and I completed the Chicago Triathlon. I didn’t puke.

 

Put in the work

Every big accomplishment in my life has come from hard work. I hate to admit that, because a part of me really despises hard work. Procrastination is my biggest “gremlin” and I am constantly fighting against it. Through the years it’s gotten easier though. I see the benefit of hard work. My wife and I have completed 5 triathlons now. This year we plan on doing two more.

On my bucket list I had “write a book.” I crossed that off the list last year. This year I’m going to publish it. It wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t willing to put in the work.

Jump out of a perfectly good airplane

In 2012 I took two plunges. I married the woman of my dreams in June. And a month before that, I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane at 12,000 feet. My fears were holding me back until that moment. I wasn’t willing to really experience life.

In that moment, standing at the door of the plane, wind whipping by at 150 mph and the ground over two miles below me, I released my fears. My feet left the safety of the airplane, my stomach came into my throat and my heart nearly stopped. The feeling of falling lasted about two seconds. The wind roared past me, louder than I could have ever imagined. And in that moment, I couldn’t help but smile. Then I opened my mouth.

The risk was worth the reward. And as you can see at the beginning of the post, it was worth the picture.

I’m currently 31. My heart is fully healthy and I never had to receive a valve transplant.

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