Jake Ducey's Blog, page 103

Life gives you what you give yourself

“I didn’t black out last night! I remember everything! My nose is bloody again!” I heard some guy yell a few feet from me.

He was arguing with whom I presumed to be his girlfriend. It was yesterday afternoon while I watched the sunset on a hill by the Santa Monica Pier.

I listened to them yell back and forth in the middle of a public park for fifteen minutes. The guy was enraged, pacing back and forth. I watched closely, in case he attacked the young woman. I was certain it would happen. They went on and on.

I wondered the whole time; why? Why do we subject ourselves to things that don’t work for us. Relationships, environments, living situations, romantic relationships, friendships, certain foods and drugs and substances, and cities, and so on… ?

If you can make a change (sometimes I understand it may not be possible given financial situations), then why continue to subject ourselves to things that aren’t working.

I believe everything we interact with and have a relationship with (from our living environments to music to people), is either stagnating us or stimulating us. It’s either enhancing your life and helping you grow, or it’s keeping you in a place where you can’t take the next step in becoming who you want to be.

While the young man and woman I saw yesterday maybe an extreme example of two people who will not take the initiative to leave behind what is not working, there’s always parallels you can draw into your own life, when you’re honest. After all, there’s no one we are lying to except ourselves… right?

For instance, I know that my former living situation was NOT enhancing my life anymore. And I had the monetary means to move out. My mind wanted to find all the reasons why I shouldn’t. WELL you don’t know where to go next. You’re just getting comfortable here. What will they think of me if I leave? 

Most of us have some aspect of our life we KNOW could be better yet we do not take the initiative to change it. What could it be for you? What are you subjecting yourself to?

Is it a sexual/romantic relationship that isn’t really doing much but giving you the opportunity to climax? Is it your living situation? Are your friends not doing as much with their lives as you want to, and you feel that you stagnate when you’re around them? Do you spend too much time on Facebook? Is your relationship with the computer becoming unhealthy and taking you away from other things like exercising? Is what you’re eating not allowing you to take the next step in feeling healthier and better about yourself?

When I was kid (middle school and high school) the big place I was stagnate, that I am aware of, was the music I listened to. I wasn’t an overly happy kid, and I listened to a lot of music (mostly mainstream rap) that promotes violence, heavy drug use, the lack of appreciation of women, and so on.

It was no wonder I had a problem with prescription drugs, I was kind of mean to women (out of nervousness)  and never found “the right one,” and I had a lot of negativity.

You become like what you are around most; the people, the music, the tv shows, the environments. I think this is the biggest overlooked truth ever. If something doesn’t feel right, examine what you are around most. 

What images does the music you listen to create in your subconscious? Is it positive and uplifting and programming you to be a better person and get more out of life and to respect others?
What about the movies and shows you watch?
What about the environment you live in?

For most of us, we can’t take the step away from what is stagnating us and holding us back, and what just isn’t working, because, well, we are scared of the unknown. We become accustomed to something. Or we simply don’t realize what isn’t working.

But in life the one thing that never runs out is opportunity. You leave behind what isn’t working and something new appears. You quit hanging with a lover that isn’t really on the same path you want to go on, and sooner or later, the person of your dreams shows us. You quit listening to music that isn’t helping you grow, and then you find your new favorite artist. You don’t like your job but you don’t want to leave it, and you finally do, and you come up with a great idea and start a business. You move out of where you live and find the perfect place where you wake up every morning with a smile on your face.

Life gives you whatever you give yourself. If you give yourself average to subpar friendships and lovers and living situations and information and entertainment, then you get an average to subpar lifestyle. It’s simple math. If you subject yourself to “pretty good” then you get pretty good. If you only let into your life what is really stimulating you and is “great” for you, then that’s what you get. 

I guess the question we have to ask is WHAT ARE YOU GIVING YOURSELF?

 

 

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Put this into perspective..

Everyday in America approximately 400 people die of accidents. That means there’s about 400 people in the US that are waking up today having no idea it’s their last day alive. We wake up everyday and forget the miracles. We’re on a freaking rock in the middle of space and somehow we are just in a body that functions and works and does all these incredible things. Use it. Live it. You neva’ know when you gonna keel over and be put in the ground, or burned up into ash of nothingness. Let’s face it together; we’re gonna’ be dead, and gone. It could even be today for me or you. Live with death on your mind. Live with the fact that you could be gone. And allow that to liberate you. Allow that to put your problems into perspective; they ain’t anything to waste a breath over, especially when you any breath can be your last. Allow your impermenance to make you smile bigger today, to laugh louder and longer and more often. Allow the fact that you may be forgotten, to give you the strength to love someone so much today, to care so much about enjoying life today, that those who see you never forget, as long as they are alive.

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Let yourself take the next step

Not choosing what’s best for you is the surest way to never really take the next step in your life. I’ve found that one of the biggest stressors for the last three years for me has been overwork. I’ve totally burned myself out mentally and physically, on numerous occasions. As a result, I’ve made the decision to get a home in Costa Rica, and live their part time. I’ll be moving February 23rd and living there in-between book launches (next one is Spring 2015), and flying back when I need to, for work on my other projects.

Four years ago, I told my mom that my dream was to live part time in Central America, where I could live more slowly, and also write. I’ve battled myself about making the choice, for the last three months, trying to make every excuse as to why I should not do it, and I’ve finally decided a few weeks ago.

I believe that it’s easy, when things are going well, to not take the next step toward what could be even more beautiful in our lives. Because, well, good stuff is comfortable and familiar.

You may say to yourself, “well, if I do this, then I may miss out on that…” but sometimes we have to give up what’s going well to experience the next waves of adventure.

Often times we know what we really, really, really want to do with life, but we don’t take the step. Because of this, or that, or someone’s opinion, or fear, or lack of certainty.. and every moment that we wait, we suppress ourselves.

I chose to not suppress myself any longer. When we do this, we open ourselves up. We see, on a deeper level, how much we care about ourselves. Life gets more peaceful. Life gets simpler. Life gets more full.

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Pride in an insecure society

Perhaps one of the oddest parts of our society is that when someone fails or when someone isn’t great at something and they express it- they are accepted and they are welcomed. People may look at them in an inferior / superior way. However, they are generally accepted and it’s deemed acceptable to express their failures. On the other hand, if one goes after their dreams and one creates great success and they are proud of it and they will express it. “I am so happy because I did this”,“I am so proud because I did that” -whether it’s someone making a million dollars or it’s someone making the top of the billboard charts with their albums or building schools in Africa or building a car from scratch. When we’re proud of our accomplishments and our talents and we express it, it is pretty much always regarded as having a huge ego. If you succeed and accomplish things it is better left un-said. You are shunned and seen as not being humble.

Of course if you go out and say, “I’m the baddest mofo ever I’m the best ever” – that’s taking on a whole other energy rather than expressing your achievements in a matter-of-fact way.

What I’ve noticed while living in such an insecure society is if you express your accomplishments in a matter of fact way with pride,  “I just did this”, “We just did this…”, people see it as egoic. And we naturally, due to backlash, start to feel insecure about being proud of ourselves.

For example, if you just solved a rubix cub in 3 minutes and I asked you how you’re doing you don’t have to say, “I’m ok I had a quiet day”- You should give yourself the permission to stand up and shout “I just solved one of the hardest challenges for myself mathematically…. I did this awesome thing I’m so stoked”. Be proud of something you’ve solved on any scale. People will be taken a back, people will call you crazy or unrealistic, or boast-full (which certainly you can be if you’re asserting yourself as the greatest), but if you’re just verbalizing your accomplishments- that’s good. That’s inspiring. Those are things I’d personally like to hear.

I remember when I was starting out as an author; I used to get really jealous of Tim Ferriss. He would talk about how he made the New York Times Bestseller list with something like a $10,000 advance and no money for marketing purposes. I would wonder to myself, “Why did he feel the need to tell people that?”. I would think, “Is he just trying to validate himself?”. But I realize now that I felt jealousy because he had something I wanted. He was expressing what he was proud of and was actually saying, “Look- you can do this to. You’re capable of doing what I’m doing”. I think that it a wonderful thing to do. I also think it is a shameless thing to do. We’re taught to be shameful. We’re conditioned to belittle others. And if we ever try and stand tall- we’re told to sit back down. If you have great things working for you then let them be heard. Let those things be known. There’s no need to express your greatness over others in a competitive format. And once I realized Tim Ferriss wasn’t expressing his achievements in a manner so that I’d idolize him- he was expressing them because he was proud of himself and it was a story that let everyone know they could reach their goals with a limited amount of resources with limited amount of qualifications. People can say, “If you’re so content with yourself then you don’t need to talk about anything”. But I think it all goes back to two points:

1) Are you saying you’re better than others through your achievements?

2) Are you saying I just did my best?

There is a big difference between the two of them and if someone is insecure in himself or herself they can confuse the two of those. I think what we should consider in order to step away from insecure and shameful living is to be proud of our accomplishments. Be proud of who we are and what we’ve achieved. There is no need to compete. But there is a need to be real. If someone needs to spend their time to tell you that they think it’s shameful that you are proud of your accomplishments then by all means let them feel that way. The possibilities are hard to see if you don’t know what other people have done. Express yourself. Express who you are. Express what you’ve done. Express what you’re proud of. There is enough for all of us if we stop wasting our time analyzing other people’s motives. Of course there’s no need to one up anyone by saying, “well I did this!” but do not be shy to be proud of your accomplishments!

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Somethings To Think About And Make You Happy

Close your eyes and think about everything good that’s happening to you already today. Think about how fortunate you are to have a graceful enough life to even stop and think about this. A lot of people can’t.

Keep your eyes closed and think about everything great that happened to you this week, last week, about your friends, your family, the opportunities that you have. Think about all the things you are excited for. What is happening in your life? Something great things must be happening.

Think about how you could just go to your cupboard and eat breakfast this morning. That you can get lunch and dinner too. That you have a mirror to look at yourself and honor your looks.

Think about how beautiful it is to hear the sounds around you, whether it’s birds or zooming cars. You can hear. And what about your dreams? That warm feeling that happens when you really start dreaming… Feel that…

Think about how it felt when you helped someone. Think about how privileged you are to be able to help others. Think about how you can just turn on electricity to see better. And how you get to keep your food preserved in the fridge… how you have warm and comfortable blankets to wrap yourself in at night, or when you’re cold.

Think about how you literally have the power to smile. You get to smile at people. Think about how even if you’re in a stressful and negative environment, and those around you look consumed by the day, you can smile at them, again and again and again.

Think about that….

Share those feelings in a smile with all you cross paths with….

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Success Isn’t Racist: Stop Pretending It Is

Yesterday someone wrote me in response to my Ted Talk and the story of my book’s success: “Ah, the beauty of being a white man in America; all you have to do is get out of your own way and let the privilege do the rest.”

I don’t know too much, but I bet you that this person will NEVER create the level of success they want.

Albert Einstein said: “The biggest choice you make is whether you live in a hostile or friendly universe.” Whether it’s true or not, if you believe that white people (or some other demographic or person) has it easier, the world is bound to prove you right. (Not to mention and disprove him: the most successful person in my industry, Deepak Chopra, is Indian).

I don’t even know the person who wrote me that, but I bet you that they won’t reach their dreams, unless they change that belief.  That’s a cop out, that someone has it easier, and it completely disempowers you. It takes out the personal responsibility element, which is essential, if you want to create the life of your dreams. It’s like we’re often looking for any reason why it is we aren’t creating the results we want. And when we see someone else do it in their own way, we get bitter and think: It’s this, it’s that, it’s racist….

NEWS FLASH: SUCCESS ISN’T RACIST. It doesn’t know skin color. It just knows no excuses, clarity, focus, and persistence. Some people maybe racist again people of colors, or of white people, but there’s a lot who can help you succeed who aren’t…. 

But we blame and critique, that way it’s never our fault and we never have to take responsibility. Sure, there may be benefits from being White in America, I am not denying that. But to say that is what the ultimate say in success is is a sort of suicide to your dreams….

Same goes for any excuse, whether it to be that somebody is too stupid or smart, or you’re too old or young, or someone else is hogging all the resources, or whatever. 

And another thing: you can’t be successful to the level you want, unless you can appreciate other people’s success, whole heartedly. If you can’t just honor someone for their accomplishments, you’ll never feel like a success yourself, because you will always be judging yourself and critiquing yourself too.

Do yourself a favor: stop with the excuses and the reasons why it’s something or someone’s fault. Ultimately it’s up to you for what you create.

What are you choosing to create today?

Let me know below…

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Enthusiasm is the key to life

Enthusiasm is the key to open doors that didn’t exist before you burned with passion. Last night my TED Talk went live: I believe that the only reason I’ve had the opportunity to give on is because of passion.

We can strategize and plan and head toward our goals. That is all well and great. But I believe that if we can just wake up everyday with passion and do what we love, then opportunities that we’ve never before expected will present themselves.

I had no intention of giving a TED Talk, and the opportunity presented itself. I hope that can be inspiration to young people (and people of all ages) that when you live with passion and take risks, the world opens up in a major way.

People come to help on your behalf, because they are inspired by your courage. Situations that you couldn’t dream up, they begin to unfold.

This was the case for me. And I am no more special than you. The same is available for you.

Live today with passion. Step strongly as you walk. Speak with unwavering passion. Working with persistence and most importantly, have fun. When you do, the world opens!

Thanks to all of you who’ve been sharing my talk. Please check it out and if you’ve seen it, please “like” the video on YouTube to help search optimization. I believe if this goes “viral” it will give Millennials a world stage to create global change and put us in the mainstream media! Thank you! 

TED TALK— https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFQ1nCobL4Q&list=PLSatVjzQd2dSq5m25EimMxljB6ueyqvXJ&index=9

 

 

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Say What You Need To Say

The longer you wait to share your concerns and or frustrations the more you create conflict within yourself.

I’ve been pretty concerned and frustrated with someone I work with over the last two months. I just wrote them all of my feelings. It felt so good!

Often we want to be so nice that we won’t even respectfully share how we feel. I feel that when I personally do that I start judging things, making up stories in my head, and really, making myself powerless.

We don’t always have the opportunity (usually never) to change other people. But we do have the opportunity to share how we feel which can inspire shifts in ourselves and others.

The basis of any successful relationship, whether it be friendship, work, or romantic, is successful communication. Successful communication that is straight forward, to the point, respect, but extremely pointed and sometimes even brutally honest.

So long as you’re respectful, I don’t feel it’s your job to be “too nice.” However someone reacts to your concerns or frustrations is there own deal. If they get pissed, it’s probably because they are pissed at themselves because they have to face some areas of themselves where they’ve been out of integrity.

That’s not your problem.

The problem is that if we don’t share how we feel then all we really do is set ourselves back.

As soon as you share how you feel you empower yourself. Maybe the person acknowledges what happened and takes responsibility, maybe they don’t. Either way you can move forward with confidence.

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Is Self Promoting Deplorable?

“Self promoting is deplorable!” someone told me last week.

They’d reached out to me because they were starting some project and wanted me as a spokesperson. I didn’t know much of anything about it though. Then they reached out to me a few days later to let me know I am not a good fit because I self promote. “The point of writing is substance, not promoting. If your work was good you wouldn’t need to promote it. Get an agent to do that.”

Where to begin?

Well, I think it’s funny that people who have no credibility offer their beliefs (dude has never published a book) as if they are facts. Often we accept that as truth, and take their advice. But have you noticed we often take advice from the least qualified? In my instance here was a person telling me that I should NEVER promote myself and should get an agent to do that.

A few things:

1.) I’ve already got an agent.

2.) An agent’s job isn’t to promote. An agent job is to get contracts (and money) for their client’s projects. i.e. book deals, speaking engagements, etc.…

3.) If you take even a short while to look at the stories of anyone who has “made it” in an entertainment industry, whether that be an artist, author, actor, or musician, they’ve done it because they promoted themselves.

When Bob Marley and The Wailers finished their first album they drove around to nearly every radio station in town (and to every juke box) and promoted their work until their songs started being played.
Tom Cruise said, “If you ring your own bell enough, you’ll never have to do it again.”
Justin Bieber launched his career because he went to hundreds and hundreds of radio stations to promote his voice until his work took off.
Pulitzer Prize Winning Author Victor Villasenor launched his most successful book “Rain of Gold” by filling his truck with books and introducing himself to everyone he met and gifting them a company.
Dave Matthews (the world’s most successful live musician) launched his career by selling 200,000 albums out of the trunk of his car.
Bestselling Wayne Dyer did the same thing.
James Redfield (author of Celestine Prophecies) also sold 20,000 books out of the trunk of his car to strangers before Warner Brother’s made it into a movie.
Martin Luther King Jr. spoke at every church and protest he could until his name got around enough for him to become the face of the civil rights movement.
Possibly the most successful person in the personal development field, Tony Robbins, launched his career by going onto the radio and saying, “I can transform anyone’s life in one hour.”

The fact is that you can have the best product or content in the world but it won’t reach anyone unless you are shameless about showing it to others. A great person becomes great because they recognize they have something that can help others and they do everything they can in order to ensure that their work reaches the masses.

A great person never becomes as great as they can be when they are too timid to stand up and share what they have to offer with the world.  If one believes that their work or agenda can serve countless people, they are NOT being of service if they don’t promote it.

The fact is, your probably wouldn’t know who I am if I didn’t promote myself. Publishers DO NOT promote authors. That’s what a cash advance is for, so an author promotes themselves.

You’re going to have to promote yourself and your work if you want to really make the difference you can make. Plain and simple.

DO NOT listen to ignorant people who have nothing to show for in their life except opinions lacking any experience or credibility. I want to be an extremely successful author, so I seek out advice from EXTREMELY successful authors. I don’t listen to what people who have no idea what they’re talking about say. I want to make a lot of money. I ask millionaires to mentor me. Not broke people. What I am saying is to be careful who you listen to. What do they have to show for what they’re saying? Anything? Usually not…

As far as me, I’ve decided that I will pretty much take advice from no one (I will certainly listen) except from someone who has the level of success that I want. Why would I?

I think that’s what stops so many people. We listen to people who have no experience or success in what we’re doing, and we follow their words.

If you believe in what you’re doing why would you not, (as the late reggae legend Peter Tosh said), “tell it on the mountain!”

Some people won’t like you doing that. So what?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Jack Canfield (who has sold 500 million books) it’s this: SW.SW.SW.SW. “Some will. Some won’t. So what. Someone’s waiting!”

Some will like your work, and buy it. Some won’t (and they maybe assholes about it). So what? Someone is waiting to experience what you have to offer. KEEP GOING.

For whatever it’s worth to you, these are my personal marketing principles…

1.)  Don’t steal.

2.)  Don’t kill.

3.)  Don’t harm

4.)  Don’t infringe on another’s rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

To me, everything else is fair game. My rationale is this, if I believe that what I have to offer to others can change their life and the world, I would be doing a disservice by not self-promoting it. I hope you consider the same.

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What is it in us?

What is in us that has us press “like” on Facebook about something inspiring about how we will now live our life with THIS much courage and THIS much passion, but then that fades into the world and people and friends and bills and desires, UNTIL, we are back onto Facebook and we see the next status about how are dreams are just beyond our doubts and we just have to “go get it,” but then the only thing we go get is something out of the fridge?

What is it in us that longs to be called a “genius,” then when we’re called a “genius” we think, “call me anything but that– that’s a lot of pressure… a genius??”

What is it in us that knows where we are is perfectly perfect but it’s not where we really want to be, BUT, we keep doing exactly what we’ve been doing and so we keep getting exactly what we’ve already got….

What is it in us that knows what we really want, that big goal, but we almost don’t want to share it with anyone because then it means we might not get it, because we have to work really hard, and if we keep it quiet, then no one will really know so we don’t have much pressure or expectation….

What is it in us that knows exactly what we MUST do yet we don’t do it?

We all have it. It’s there. I don’t know what it is and I think we’d go insane trying to uncover what it is exactly.

Who cares, really?

There’s two choices: beat yourself up, or keep going…

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