Jeffrey D. Tharp's Blog, page 10

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

1. Decaf. I miss proper coffee. Even though I was reduced to drinking it black, I still miss the periodic jolt of hot caffeine. Decaf and the various herbal teas I’m using as a substitute just don’t get it done. It might be a tolerable sacrifice if giving it up were accomplishing anything towards reducing symptoms. So far, though, the only difference I notice is being more irritable and far more jumpy than usual, which feels like moving directly in the wrong direction.

2. Campaign season. With the Iowa caucuses coming up, we’re deep into campaign season for the 2024 presidential election. As much as I used to revel in it, I wish there was some kind of app that would just block any kind of political add or reporting so I could skip it. There’s not a single thing that any of those blowhards are saying that’s going to fundamentally change my political opinions or influence who I vote for… beyond possibly ensuring that they become someone for whom I’ll never cast a vote even in extrmis. It’s hard to point out any current politician who isn’t just talking for the love of hearing his or her own voice. I have increasingly little tolerance for any of their performances.

3. Snow. Yes, I know it’s December. As I’m sitting here snug in my home office with the curtains pulled aside to give a delightfully peaceful view of my backyard woods, I’m greeted with what is effectively the first snowfall here on the homestead. It’s not going to amount to anything. It makes an objectively pretty scene with the contrast of browns, greens, and birds flitting about the yard… nevertheless, it falls firmly into the category of “do not want.” Snow was once a harbinger of an extra day off, but the convenience of telework mostly made that concept obsolete… so now snow is just confirmation that winter is not just coming, but that it has arrived.  

Of McRib and self-denial…

In my mind I’m sure that “diet” will always be among the most unpleasant 4-letter words in the English language. Over the last five months, though, I’ve learned a lot by tracking every bite and morsel that’s found its way into my mouth. Calories, macronutrients, I’ve plugged them all into my fancy little nanny app after giving everything a proper weigh and measure. It’s certainly changed how I view a “serving” size… some for the better, but most for the worse. 

The most important thing I’ve learned in tracking everything, however, is that over time I’m found ways to continue eating a fair number of foods I enjoy. Not all of them, of course – a Chipotle burrito and a big slice of my home-made lasagna remain well out of bounds – but I’ve been able to start re-introducing some old favorites. 

For instance, I found that if I scale back hard on breakfast and lighten up a bit on dinner, I can manage to cram in a McRib value meal for lunch.

I know that doesn’t exactly sound like an accomplishment for some people. Hell, the European Union probably doesn’t even consider it food… but I’ve loved the damned thing since I was working the grill at my local McDonald’s way back in the late 1900s. Its arrival each fall is something of a minor personal celebration here.

Yes, the sandwich and fries are a touch high in calories and saturated fat, but not prohibitively so if I tweak the rest of the day’s menu. In my mind at least it’s something well worth doing if only as a reminder that at some point I’ll again exist in world of food beyond variations on baked chicken and brown rice. Sadly, I’ve had to replace the Orange Drink with a Diet Coke. I haven’t yet come up with an acceptable way to offset the calories in a fully loaded soda yet… but it’s a compromise I’m willing to make if it means I get to enjoy the rest.

I wish I could say this process has been some kind of life changing, electrifying wonder experience. The reality is, though, even as I begin slowly adding back foods with flavor, it’s been mostly drudgery. Necessary and probably long overdue drudgery, but none the less, not an experience I’ll spend a lot of time remembering fondly. 

I’ve still got miles to go as the poet said, but I’ve suffered though much longer than I figured I’d stick with it. The real question now that I’ve passed well beyond the halfway mark is how much longer I’ll manage to stick with fairly rigid self-denial. It’s not an activity I’ve ever been particularly well suited for and one that still feels decidedly unnatural. 

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

1. New glasses. The fancy new glasses I picked up two weeks ago suck. Well, they halfway suck anyway. The distance vision is crisp and clear, but the close in view might as well be trying to read a book or newspaper through a liberal coating of petroleum jelly. So far, I’ve been back to the doctor to confirm the prescription and back to the retailer to try having things adjusted. What’s “perfect vision” on their fancy machine just doesn’t seem to be translating into what ends up in the frames. Today, I had another check with a different doctor who feels confident he’s cracked the code to why they’re turning out wrong. Now it’s just a matter of waiting another 7-10 business days to see if the new and improved fix comes back right or if this devolves further into a farcical pain in the ass in the great tradition of 2023 being my year of all manner of medical fuckery.

2. EZ Pass. The one bill I review closely every month is the EZ Pass. It’s a rare month that goes by that I don’t find something wrong with it. This month’s problem was being charged for a Mercedes sedan going through the Ft. McHenry Tunnel with a tag similar to but clearly not the same as the one I have on the Tundra. It’s the kind of thing that’s easy enough to spot if you do any kind of quality control and look at the picture versus relying on whatever computer generated “decision” the vast EZ Pass data farm makes when determining what account to charge a photo toll against. But as usual, it’s the responsibility of the taxpayer to correct the issue rather than expecting the State of Maryland to get it right.

3. China. There are reports of a new illness circulating in China. Not that I want to be the harbinger of bad news, but the coverage I’ve seen so far feels awfully similar to what was getting published around late fall of 2019. It’s probably not the end of the world, but the thought of going through another pandemic when 30-40% of the country is absolutely committed to ignoring public health guidance out of spite just doesn’t feel like good times in the making. The Chinese government insists it’s just run of the mill cold weather illness cropping up… but while I wait and see, I’ll once again be stocking up on canned goods.

For your consideration…

Tomorrow is Giving Tuesday. Every non-profit on the planet is out there scrambling for your charitable dollars today. I present the following list of those I choose to support for Giving Tuesday, and throughout the year. As always, it’s a list that focuses on helping animals, because people are awful and it’s so often the animals, both wild and domestic, that pay the price for that. I’d ask that you consider them when putting together your giving plan for today and the future.

Clean Futures Fund – The CCF facilitates The Dogs of Chernobyl program. These dogs are the descendants of those left behind during the evacuation of Pripyat in April 1986. Despite an initial attempt by Soviet authorities to kill the abandoned dogs, breeding was out of control. Since their involvement beginning in 2017, no cats or dogs in the exclusion zone have been culled. They conduct sterilization clinics to reduce the population, provide vaccinations and medical care to strays, and provide food to the Dogs of Chernobyl. 

Humane Animal Partners (formerly the Delaware SPCA) – The mission of the Humane Animal Partners is to prevent cruelty to animals. They bring their mission to life through programs that provide shelter and adoption for unwanted and homeless pets, reduce pet overpopulation through affordable spay/neuter, and enable pet retention by providing low-cost veterinary services.

Cecil County Animal Services – CCAS serves as the County’s Animal Control Authority and provides quality care to animals in the community through the management of an open-admission shelter.  Additional programs and services provided through this Division include the Pet Pantry Program, Adoption and Foster Services, Behavioral Helpline, Pet Loss Support, Humane Education, Project Safe Haven, “Seniors for Seniors,” Pet Visitation Program, Volunteer Initiatives, and Pet Re-homing Intervention.

Ducks Unlimited – Ducks Unlimited is now the world’s largest and most effective private waterfowl and wetlands conservation organization. DU is able to multilaterally deliver its work through a series of partnerships with private individuals, landowners, agencies, scientific communities and other entities.

Chesapeake Bay Foundation – Serving as a watchdog, we fight for effective, science-based solutions to the pollution degrading the Chesapeake Bay and its rivers and streams. Our motto, “Save the Bay,” is a regional rallying cry for pollution reduction throughout the Chesapeake’s six-state, 64,000-square-mile watershed, which is home to more than 18 million people and 3,000 species of plants and animals.

World Wildlife Fund – WWF works to help local communities conserve the natural resources they depend upon; transform markets and policies toward sustainability; and protect and restore species and their habitats. Our efforts ensure that the value of nature is reflected in decision-making from a local to a global scale.

Once bitten…

For the last few of months, Jorah and I have been walking the neighborhood a couple of times a week. A few houses down one of the resident dogs has always been loud and barky when he happened to be in the yard. That isn’t particularly unusual. Every other house we walk past usually has a barking dog. I didn’t do much more than note it until yesterday, when this particular dog managed to squeeze his oversized melon through their fence and charge us. 

I managed to get Jorah mostly behind me before he crossed the open ground on a collision course towards us on the sidewalk. He got in one good lunge before I managed to plant a respectable kick to the stomach. He lunged twice more and I kicked him squarely in the head the third time he got in range. That rattled him enough to let me open some distance. By that point – maybe 90 seconds total – the dog’s owners were racing out their front door and starting to wrangle their beast back towards the house.

A large man standing on the sidewalk in front of your home in a quiet neighborhood screaming every curse word he’s ever heard and then inventing some new ones on the spot after he quickly exhausted those while simultaneously trying to punt your dog into the next county will apparently get your attention.

Annoyingly, the other dog’s owner admitted that they knew he was able to squeeze through their fence posts, but they hadn’t figured out how to prevent it. I gave Jorah a once over on the spot and found no obvious signs of damage. I thought perhaps we’d reacted fast enough and was willing to let it go as a close-run thing. 

It wasn’t until we got home that I found the small puncture wound midway down his thigh – a clear indication to me that my sweet, shy boy was clearly trying to get away from his attacker. It’s a minor wound considering how much damage a dog bite can do. I’ve got it cleaned and treated as best I can, so I’ll be over here hoping it doesn’t go infected.

Jorah doesn’t seem to be in any pain or to be overly bothered by the wound for the time being. He’s always been timid of other dogs. I expect after this, I we’ll have lost whatever progress we’ve made. As for our walks, those are suspended indefinitely – at least until I see some evidence that the neighbors in question have decided to take some personal responsibility for containing their dog. I’m not holding my breath.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

1. The U.S. House of Representatives. I was really counting on the House of Representatives to completely shit the bed and shut the government down at the end of this week. I mean I don’t want them to close up shop forever, but a week or two furlough over the Thanksgiving holiday would have been some much appreciated time off for which I’d have ended up getting paid for eventually anyway. Alas, the House managed to drop back and punt… and do it without waiting until the last possible moment. It’s not that kind of performance I should find impressive, but given all their recent fuckery, it’s honestly surprising.

2. Timing. The six weeks between Thanksgiving and New Years are, in my experience, pretty much dead space. Sure, technically there are a fair number of work days in there, but the universal consensus is that the vast number of bureaucrats are focused on other things. Just now, the week before I launch into my five day Thanksgiving weekend, I’m feeling the siren’s call of a near total lack of motivation. Yes, of course I’ll keep plugging away at whatever crosses my desk, but it’s undeniable that my annual holiday lack of motivation has arrived early this year… and it’s only annoying because some of my distinguished colleagues haven’t arrived there yet themselves. I question their timing.

3. Cold. For most of my adult life I’ve been thermally protected by the extra weight I’ve carried around. With the recent arrival of cold weather combined with some appreciable weight loss, I find that for the first time in memory, I’m constantly cold instead of running just a little bit warm. It’s a predictable side effect, but I’m finding it more unpleasant than I expected.

Fleet management…

I’m trying to mentally nudge myself in the direction of accepting that I’m going to need to buy a new vehicle in the not terribly distant future. With both the Tundra and the Wrangler approaching a point where they should be let go, I’m starting to poke around the margins at what might replace them. 

And that, of course, is where it gets complicated. 

Is the right answer a 1:1 trade of old Tundra for new Tundra? The price point of doing a straight up replacement of my current truck runs me somewhere north of $65,000… and that feels like an absurd price to pay for a pickup truck. 

Maybe I should be looking to bundle my trade and let both the Jeep and the Tundra go to bring home… something. The math gets more involved when I remember that the Jeep is where all my trade in value is. A 12-year-old tundra, wrecked once, with 145,000 miles on the clock it is always going to have a limited audience even when it looks remarkably clean and has otherwise been well maintained. 

There’s the question of whether I need another truck at all. I’ve had a truck in the fleet for 15 years, but the bed stays empty aside from running the trash to the dump once a month, bringing in canned gas for the lawnmower once or twice a summer, and periodically hauling flat packed bookcases home from IKEA. It would certainly be less convenient, but is it more cost effective just to rent a truck when I really need one or plus up my budget for big item delivery?

If the right answer for the next vehicle isn’t a truck, what is right? A SUV? Something low slung? Certainly not a sedan. 

I haven’t quite convinced myself that I wouldn’t terribly miss having a truck, even if I don’t strictly need one. That said, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little attracted to having a fully enclosed vehicle… and perhaps on that had a less temperamental top… and windows that didn’t scratch if you brush against them… and maybe something that behaved with just a bit more polish on the highway.

Cutting the fleet by 50% would create obvious operations and maintenance savings – costs that are bound to increase the longer I hang on to a 12-year-old pickup and a 6-year-old Jeep. Is that cost savings enough to convince me any reasonable person can get by with just one vehicle? Hard to say.

As it is, interest rates are probably too high to consider anything seriously… but the ideas are definitely percolating. I’ll either get a wild hare and pull the trigger on something or I won’t. I honestly have no idea which way I’ll break or when it might happen.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

1. Heartburn. You know what you should definitely throw at a guy who’s trying very hard to get his cardiac health improved? A sudden onset burst of god awful heartburn, that’s what. Because there’s no chance at all that would trigger 17 bloody flavors of panic and hundreds if not thousands of dollars in fun new medical tests and their corresponding bills. This week proudly continues 2023’s ongoing effort to be marked out as the worst of my 45 years… so far.

2. Samples. Well, the do it yourself stool sample package they sent me home with in hopes of ruling out a stomach ulcer and more or less confirming acid reflux has definitely unlocked a new level of disgust. It also reminded me that modern medical science is apparently not nearly as far away from reading entrails, casting bones, and balancing the humors as they like to think they are.

3. Fall yard work. It’s not so much that it’s a lot to do as it is that fall yard work is just bloody continuous. In the summer, I cut the grass once a week and trim every second week unless it’s growing unusually fast. In the fall, however, the minute I’ve finished mulching up leaves and blowing what can’t be mulched, the yard is every bit as covered as it was before I started. Yes, I know this was a self inflicted wound when I decided to live in the woods, but still it’s just a little bit maddening.

Around the eyes…

I went for my annual eye exam on Friday. Wilmer was well organized, prompt, thorough, and personal. It was not cheap, but I was pleased with the Hopkins approach to eye care. I supposed that’ll just be where I go from now on.

I got a good report of no eye disease present… which is a nice change from the rest of this year’s medical appointments. I have, however, earned a bump up of my magnification that will hopefully make the evening reading a bit easier.

I really hadn’t planned on my blog becoming all medical all the time, but that feels like it’s been my theme for the last four months. Maybe eventually I’ll get back to bitching and complaining about normal day to day stuff, but it feels like today isn’t that day… and tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

1. Breakfast. Breakfast has historically been one of my favorite meals. I’d often have breakfast for dinner. Something about the combination of sweet and savory in breakfast foods just hits right. That, of course, was only true when breakfast was some combination of bacon, eggs, waffles, buttery toast, pancakes, gravy and biscuits, French toast… well, you get the idea. Breakfast is now the least motivating of my daily meals. I know I have to do this, but there’s not a power in all of creation that can force me to be happy about it. Sure it’s “healthy,” but Jesus what a cost. 

2. Eye exam. My annual eye exam is tomorrow morning. Based on how wonderfully the rest of the doctor’s appointments I’ve had this year have been going, I’m mentally preparing myself for her to tell me that my eyes are 15 minutes away from falling out of my head or some other dire prognosis. But hey, at least I get to gin up the anxiety again next week to check in with my primary care doc. Let me assure you, reader, I’m straight up not having a good time.

3. The word turned upside down. We have a Republican Party that doesn’t hide its support for Russian imperialism in Europe, an obnoxiously vocal minority of Americans who cheerfully side with Hamas and terrorism, and a country that feels increasingly willing to just let the world fly apart at the seams. I know it’s common for the aged to say things like “I don’t recognize this country anymore,” but I’ll confess I can see how it has become a trope. I’ve spent half my life so far in the 20th century and half of it in the 21st… and it’s my considered opinion that the 21st century is just stupid.