Reshmi Pillai's Blog: In White & Black, page 4

Bangalore Diaries #5: The House Visits

In this e-com age where we do everything, from buying clothes to buying grocery, from the comforts of our chairs, not-so-thankfully we still have to go and see houses and meet the flatmates to decide wether we would like to move in or not.

Yeah, I am new to Bangalore. My best friend in the city is a pakka born and bred Bangalorean who has no idea how to find a place to rent (because he stays with his parents), does not know which bus will take me where (because he drives his own car) and cannot understand that a PG where I can cook is kind of impossible to find and so I need to find an apartment. Phew! Similar is the case with most of my friends here! So basically I am on my own as far as finding a place is concerned.

Thankfully, I also have a bunch of friends (my school friends)who are not the Bangaloreans, though none of them stay in the areas I was looking in. But I got help from them in figuring out where to look and in shortlisting the apartments. So 2 apartments shortlisted, one in Koramangala another in Ulsoor a Sunday morning the checking out journey began for me. My itinerary is fixed, I’ll go to Koramangala first and then to Ulsoor.

Lesson number one. DO NOT follow google maps for bus routes!

Google maps is definitely my friend and wants the best for me but the thing is even it doesn’t know how to deal with the little monster called Bangalore Traffic. And in it’s bid to deal with the little monster it tends to show you the longest routes possible! Thankfully with the help of a friend I figured out that the best way to reach Koramangala is to take a bus to Silk Board and then a rickshaw to Koramangala and not the 3 bus changes and walks in between bus stops that Google maps was showing. So, bracing up for the heat, dust and traffic of Bangalore, I set off…

At times, it isn’t as complicated as you think it is going to be.

All set to walk for nearly a kilometre to get a bus straight to Silkboard, because my dear Google maps showed me that, I reached Horamavu bus stop which is the closest to my house. And there! In comes rolling a bus going to SilkBoard. Straight. No walking…no waiting. Bingo! Boarded. Took ticket.Opened Kindle. All set. But that Sunday morning I wasn’t in mood to read; I wanted to take in the sights of Bangalore. I had been to this area of outer ring road when I had visited Bangalore in May 2015 and I was enjoying taking in the sights and jogging up my memory from my last visit. There was also a little kiddo on the seat in front of me, who wanted to take off one by one every piece of cloth on her body. It was 39 degrees of heat that day. Thankfully the mom had put enough on the baby’s body beforehand. Was the child’s behaviour because of the mom’s behaviour  or was the mom’s behaviour because of the chid’s behaviour. I love studying human reactions and this was good entertainment I was being subjected to

Crows Are Evil, Kachra Valas Are Inauspicious and We Are?

I stay in a lovely little apartment in Koramangala, Bengaluru. We have a teeny weeny balcony, not big enough for us to sit around and sip coffee in the evenings but big enough for our plants to strut their earthy beauty. Our balcony has some other visitors too. Indian hindus and in many other cultures people call them bad omens, messengers of death or even death itself. The cunning looking, not so pretty – crows.

Every day I see my roommate make an extra chapati for these fellows who come caw-cawing to the balcony and even on our kitchen window sill. She gives them chapatis, egg yellows, bread, biscuits et al. Seeing her it has kind of become a habit with me too. I don’t make anything specially for them but I share with them what I make and they munch away whatever I share gayly. They still don’t trust me too much and I do shooo them away when they make too much noise but I don’t mind them sitting around and watching me cook.

Bangalore Diaries #4 – The House Hunt

Anyone who’s moved to the big metros knows what finding a place to rent means! It’s an adventure in itself. Mine was too. Though there wasn’t much struggle in finding a place, this episode is more about friendships, concerns and perspectives.

It’s going to be a week since I came to Bangalore. How quickly the days flew by. Attended #SURGE Conference 2016, sent out some job applications to hospitals (8.6 years experience in hospital administration. That’s me!), sent out some emails as a pitch for healthcare content writing, chatted endlessly with a couple of friends about how despair was taking over some of my days and boom!…the week was gone. I am putting up at my college junior’s place since I came here but of course I need to move out.

A heaviness of heart and a feeling of being all alone to manage life did zoom down on me while I logged into suleka.com and Flat & Flatmates (Bangalore) group on FB, but then I do have such mood swings time & again. And anyways no one forced me to, it was my decision to change my life on to this track. I was the one who wanted to chase my dreams;  and I managed to pull myself out of the self loathing telling myself that I was where I wanted to be. And to continue to be here I needed two things – a source of income and a home to stay. The former I was trying to get, the later is what happened first.

Even before coming here, while in Bhopal only, I knew that no more Hostels & PGs for me now. I had lived 10 and a half years of my life in hostels and PGs and I was done with them for this lifetime. As I told my junior and current flatmate, “I have outgrown the concept of hostels/ PGs, yaar. I can’t share space with others anymore.” I was looking for a single room in an apartment with other tenants. Though I like being alone while I am writing, I also like people around me when I am not. And since I did not have an office, the whole of the city was like open to me. I could try and find a place to stay just anywhere in the whole wide Bangalore but I figured out, since I do not own a vehicle, to commute easily I needed to be in a place which is well connected as well. And ya I was looking for something within 10k, considering that I still had no idea how was I going to pay the rent and had pegged my monthly expenses at 15k max! So with these criteria’s in mind the house hunt began on Thursday.

While sulekha.com had many leads in the areas I was looking for, the FB group did not yield many leads in accordance with my criteria, except one near Ulsoor Metro Station. I began making calls/ writing emails to the ones from sulekha.com, but the thing was that while there were many leads most of them were cold – the room was already taken but the advertisements were never closed. Typical case of kaam nikal gaya aab apney ko kya karna.  Sigh! This went on & the despair kept mounting. Though there wasn’t much to despair about; I mean there wasn’t any mandate that I had to shift out by a particular date but that’s me. If I want to do something, I want to do it now.

Finally, I got a call on Friday night. From a Sireesha in Hyderabad. She was the ex-tenant of a place in Koramangala and she was the one who placed an advert that I had responded to. So we spoke but I figured out that the place was small though she kept insisting that I should go and see the place and see if it works for me. And I had made up my mind that I am not going! She shared her ex and the current tenant’s number for me to go and visit the place. Since I had no intention of visiting the place I did not not save the number of Gunjan. Though I was confused about one thing. 80% of the calls I had made, the number belonged to the person who had shifted out of the place! Going by Indian psychology, I could not figure out why would an ex-tenant try to find her replacement in an apartment? A few cases I can write off as a good samaritan deed or friendship but this was not few cases. And it baffled me to no end.

Saturday again, I made a lot of calls. All went cold. The despair was again mounting but then today it was still okay, it wasn’t swinging my mood down. Finally by evening I found the post for the place near Ulsoor Metro Station on the FB group. The call was made and it was fixed that I can go and visit the place the next day – Sunday. Now after some time, my phone ran. Gunjan Calling. Since I had made so many calls by this time, I had forgotten the who and how of all names. I took the call. The girl spoke well and insisted that I come and visit the place in Koramangala and then decide. She sounded good to talk to, so I told her that I’ll come the next day. So much for making up my mind about not going!

So next day was to be a long day. Sunday date with BMTC buses. Horamavu to Silk Board. Silk Board to Madiwala. Madiwala to Koramangala. Koramangala to Brigade Road. Brigade Road to Ulsoor. Ulsoor to Tin Factory. Tin Factory to Horamavu.

Now you know why I wanted to stay at a well connected place. Phew!

Which one did I like – Koramangala or Ulsoor – and what was the drama that ensued…Find out in Bangalore Diaries #5. Till then read the whole series till now in Bangalore Diaries.

Happy Reading

Widows Playing Holi Is Breaking Taboo. Not Really.

It’s Holi Day!

The beautiful festival of colours. The festival where irrespective of your caste, creed, religion and many times even social standing one would just forget all barriers and immerse self in the trance of Holi.Not the trance that bhaang induces, though that is part of the holi festivities too; but the trance that the smell of the delicacies induces our senses with, the trance that the sight of different colours on one canvas brings, the trance of matching the mismatching dance steps on the dhol music and most importantly the trance that unabridged joy and laughter brings over. That is the spirit of holi but…

Imagine not being part of all this! Not by choice but forced by unrelenting social traditions.  Yes, while almost every strata of the society enjoys and frolics around in the spirit of Holi there is a section of hindu society that are debarred from even being around the festivities – The Widows. The reason? Having had to see her husband’s death while she herself lives on is believed to be the biggest misfortune a women can beget. This woman is considered a bad omen. She has to stay away from anything and everything auspicious.

Decades back she wasn’t even allowed to live. The woman had to mount the pyre of her husband and be burnt alive only because her husband has died. Her life didn’t matter. Her identity was gone, because her husband was her identity and so she had to go too. Sati, they called her. Sati – the social evil. Finally, after a lot of efforts by social activists like Raja Ram Mohan Roy, the practice of Sati was banned. The widow was allowed to live.

Breathe – Yes. Eat – Not everything that she wants to. Clothe – Not every dress or colour that she wants to. Enjoy – Not without being made to feel guilty. Love – Big No. Marriage – No Way. Live – NO!

Yesterday, on Holi day, the internet was breaking with news about widows celebrating Holi in Gopinath Temple in Vrindavan, Uttar Pradesh breaking a tradition which was being observed for 400 years. The article went on to say that many priests and society heads had attended the celebrations marking this event as a turn around event in the changes that are coming about in the traditional hindu mindset and the society. The event was organised by a NGO and everyone is loving this change. The widows are happy to smile and dance one day of the sorry lives they have been leading. They are happy with the changes that are coming. The society is happy to welcome the change. Young India is happy to forgo something that is regressive, globally embarrassing and most importantly inhuman.

Widows celebrating Holi at Vrindavan | PC: AP Photo/ Manish Swarup. http://qz.com

Everyone is happy. But has the change reached the homes?  

It is one thing to symbolically break a tradition at an organised event and to actually remove it from every home in the society. Though things have changed a lot socially for widows in the cities of our country but beyond the metro city’s geographical limits, things somewhat remain the same. Most places have difficult and  torturous diktats for widows still in practice – they must only wear white, no jewellery allowed on them, must observe fasts, eat limited meals each day and observe tonsure. Beyond all this stay away from all auspicious places and occasions. Marriages, Pooja’s, festivals, child birth and many more occasions, it is no entry for them – Because they bring bad luck!

Widows are treated as social outcasts in a typical hindu home. She symbolises a walking talking surety of bad luck. If she is independent, there are chances that she may be looked upon a bit more compassionately, with an empathy towards the misfortune she faced, the pain she went through and the loneliness she goes through each day.

But will these compassionate, empathic fellow beings still dare to call her to attend the tonsure ceremony of their kids? or a marriage in the family? The changes are happy changes and they are most welcome but the real change is yet miles away. On my part, if I ever get married and if my grandma is still around I will want her to attend my wedding even though she’ll be in white without sindoor on her forehead.

Edition of 29 March, 2016