Reshmi Pillai's Blog: In White & Black, page 3

Hope, Hopes To Keep Me Ticking

 

Isn’t it strange how despair can never leave hope alone? Like they are soulmates.

How we are sure of the decisions we make, when we make them, but it hardly takes anything to dispel that surety to tatters.

We are so hopeful when we make those decisions but filled to brim with despair as soon as that bubble of surety is pricked.

I too made some half sure, half convinced decisions some months back and am going through what I can claim to be despair. I made a decision to not listen to my heart and listen to voices that claimed to be wiser and for the first time in life i feel regret. There is a reason why the wise advise you to listen to your heart. It knows, they say. I think it does.

Here is a little life story. A part of my day. A part of my thoughts. Not the whole despair, but a part of it:

The other day I was making tea, the brother was lounging around reading the newspapers and we thought dad was upstairs doing morning puja. Well he was; until we heard some muffled sobs. I turned around to see him sobbing silently. He was going around doing his work but he was also sobbing. Confused I asked him, “What happened, papa?” He said, “Nothing bachha.” But continued sobbing. I asked him again. I told him, “Look, how will we know if you don’t tell us.” Now I am the last person who knows how to handle tears. Especially that of others! We again asked him a couple of times and he continues in his denial mode while the tears kept streaming. I left him at that thinking maybe he is missing mom. (She has gone to meet her mom in Kerala.)

After a while, when he is all ready for office and done with breakfast and all he tells me, “Bachha, don’t sit at home like this all day. Get out. Breathe some fresh air.” Now I get him. What is gnawing at his core is seeing his daughter at home and not really having a life. I do work from home but these days I am nowhere near what I used to be. I tell him, “Dad, none of my school friends are here anymore. And those of who are, we don’t connect anymore. I mean what they have to talk about is about husbands, kids, maids, mother-in-laws. And what I have to talk about is about chasing dreams, ambition, books, writing, startups, ideas. I don’t have any like-minded friends here. And there are no events or meet ups where I can go.“

I tell him, “I told you and mom a million times, don’t be stubborn about getting me back from Bangalore. Dad…everyone has a dream about their own lives. I too have one. Or had one.” I see the pain come up on his face and I stop.

Not that I want to hurt him, but I just wanted to tell him that sometimes people know what’s good for them. Parents are right but not always. Even when the kid agrees to them, it may not be that they are convinced. Maybe they just want some peace. He tells me, “Then atleast take an office here and work from there. You will have a routine. It will be good for you.” I agree and tell him that once I am back from my Kerala trip I will look for an office space.

This was a week back but I know he is still not at peace. I can feel the undercurrents time and again that crop up in some conversations. There are still a lot of things going on in his mind. He somewhere senses the dreams I am fast burying and adjusting to in this new life that has been my want for the past 4 months. Finally, today morning he drops a bomb. In fact a lifeline. He tells me to go chase my dreams and never give up on them. He tells me never look down, never let go of life, never let go of a chance to win in life. Go fly. That will make me happy. He not has a wish, he has a plan too. He wants me to pull a coupé!

He has yet again given me his finger and tells me he is there. I am thrilled that I have another chance at a life I have always wanted. I always wanted to live in a metro and in a pad of my own. And Bangalore and me was love at first sight. There is something in that city that pulls me. I love being there. Everyone tells me I was the liveliest when I was there. And fathers don’t deny their daughters anything that their heart wishes for. He tells me to stop playing it safe and take tough decisions.

But as the day progresses I am sinking into my black hole, again. There is fear gnawing my mind. I will have to begin from the scratch. Yet again. I have to make a choice between writing, thetalespensieve.com and a more economically lucrative option. Where will I find that option? Dad tells me for sure go with your startup but get a foot hold first. Get to where you want to be physically first.

A man stands holding light but I am stumbling through a dark tunnel right now. I want to run towards that light. I want to feel the fresh air on my face. But I have to get there for that. I feel a hopelessness but I also feel a need to get up and hope. I tell myself that is the only thing that will take me forward. I tell myself I can lose anything but hope.

I am stumbling but I want to get there.

I don’t know the way, but I know I want to get there.

I don’t know if I will, but I want to get there.

Leave me you positive thoughts. I would love to read them and feel inspired. This story will continue…

Blogging Challenge: 100 Days of Blogging

Ever since I started writing on this blog, that is February 2016, I have had plans to be regular with blogging. I wanted to write at least 1 blog every 2 days. I love to blog; it is truly therapeutic, in the truest sense. I love the idea of free flowing words, the idea of sharing my thoughts with everyone who wants to read and the the general idea of simply writing. But truth be told I have hardly blogged in the past 4 months. I have only saved topics in the drafts to be written at some time in future, many of which I have even forgotten what did I save them.

But yesterday evening, I finally managed to move the procrastinator monster and managed a blog. And when a Dhivya Balaji read that, she shared an idea that they have been discussing on a blogger’s group. Someone in the group realised that starting today there are just 100 days left for 2016 to end. They too were going through the same not-blogging-enough phase that I was. They wanted to do something to re-discover the blogger in them. So some of them decided to write a-blog-a-day till 31st December 2016. That is 100 blog posts in 100 days!

She asked me if I wanted to join in. I realised 100 days will swing away in a jiffy,in procrastination, in reading a few more books, in a couple of half written stories and it will be another year gone by. And in all probability it will be a year gone by with hardly any blogging.

On an impulse, on the high of just having written a blog, I told her, “I am in.“

So I have decided to be what I started out as – A Blogger. Starting today, I will be writing one blog post everyday till 31st December. I don’t have a pre-decided theme to write on, unlike some of my friends taking up this challenge have. I will be writing on my observations, perceptions and life in general, like I always do here. But yes I will be writing. This is the second time I am taking up a blogging challenge. The first was A to Z Blogging challenge for which I wrote on my Food & Travel blog – FoTaJunction.

And let me admit I did find it tedious to write a blog post everyday. That was 26 days this is 100 days. And on FoTa it was 4 of us writing. Here it will be just me!

I know it is no mean feat but I really want to do this. I want to be the blogger again. I want to enjoy the joy and thrill of free flowing words again. I know I have procrastinated beyond my allowed allowance and its time for the writer to resurface.

I hope you will read.

Bangalore Diaries #6: How Opinions Matter

It’s been a while since I wrote this Bangalore Diaries Series; not because there wasn’t much to write about but because so much has been happening. I am still wrapping my head around all that’s happened. I no more live in Bangalore so from this part on I am jotting down memories. I am restarting this series not only because I want to relive those memories but also because I have a soul to heal. A friend once told me there is nothing more therapeutic than writing. I want to try that advice. I think it’s time to write all of that down. Atleast most of it.

So continuing from Bangalore Diaries #5…I have found a place to move in. I shifted to Ulsoor but didn’t stay there. And here’s all the drama

She & Me

It takes imagination to write fiction and pain to write poetry

Just last night I was browsing through My Book of Dreams which is basically my ideating notebook and I found this. Scribbled in pencil across two pages. And I was transported to the night I wrote this.

I wasn’t able to sleep that night and the power had gone off too. I clearly remember it wasn’t the heat that was not allowing me sleepy bliss but the anguish inside. I had tossed around in bed till 2.00 am and finally decided to get up and do some blog work. It was then that I realised that there was no power. I lit the candle, opened my notebook and this is what poured out:

As I sit staring into her depths,

Dark and cold at the core,

White and bright on the outside.

As she lights up the world around her,

Fighting the darkness for all around,

She burns and wanes inside,

To light up the world outside.

She isn’t dark because she likes to,

She isn’t cold because she desires it,

But because no one burns to light up her world,

No one hugs her to fight away the coldness.

At times she’s tranquil like a one legged hermit,

At times dancing to the waves of breaths,

Peace or calamity,

It seems burn she must,

For that is her destiny.

To stand tall, head held high,

Even as she burns inside.

To spread light,

Even when it’s dense dark inside.

To give warmth,

Even as she shivers at her core.

I look at her and then reflect,

Our journeys when we seek are so futile,

Hers and mine,

For some are only destined to give,

She and me,

Chosen to give and stop at that.

That’s when the tears will stop,

Hers and mine.

She cries white, mine I don’t know,

The colour doesn’t matter,

For it flows when we burn,

But burn we must,

For we are chosen to give,

Beyond our wishes, beyond our smiles.

And burn we must.

Book Review: What Might Have Been

Strong female characters are not always the mushiest and likeable ones but they sure make for great and inspirational stories – both in life and in literature. Dana McGarry, the protagonist in Lynn  Steward‘s second novel – What Might Have Been, is one such.

Dana is a newly single woman who has just started her life journey onto the right side of thirty. She has filed for a legal separation from her husband of 8 years because inspite of all her efforts he still proved his infidelity. While swinging between guilt that her christian upbringing and its beliefs about divorce pined on her and the liberation of having stopped pretending to be in a happy marriage, Dana is trying to make the best of her life by focusing on her career. While she is supported considerably by her friends, she has to battle it out at work where professional competition is at its zenith. Will Dana emerge a winner after a shattering heartbreak and in a cut through world is what the book is about.

What Might have Been is the second book in the Dana McGarry series, though this does not make it any less of a standalone book. I haven’t read the first book – A Very Good Life, but enjoyed this one nonetheless. Though I think reading the first book would have connected me with the characters more. Steward builds his protagonist well and takes time in setting up the stage. This results in the reader feeling for Dana and going through the set of emotions which she is going through. We end up living her. That that is an enjoyable literary experience.

Though the book cover did not impress initially, but once you get an idea about the settings where the story is playing out the cover seems good. In fact apt. What Might have Been is set in the United States of America in the 1970s and through Dana coveys the changeover period in american fashion industry – the challenges, the old vs. new idea clashes, the office competition as well as the feminist revolution. Many challenges that Dana faces still stand relevant and any women reading this book will relate to the protagonist’s  journey and her choices immediately.

The story moves at a considerable pace though for me it took some time to establish my interest, initially. The character buildup was good but it did impact the pace of the story. But once character sketches were done with, the story glided on.

What Might have Been is a feel good and inspiring story of a women finding her own sunshine and learning to enjoy her challenges to the hilt. This is the story of her struggles, her confusions, her choices and the consequences. Every women who feels she is strong will connect to Dana and will take away a part of Steward’s protagonist with her.

Not a male bashing feminist literature, but if you are a person with balanced views you will love this.

I received a review copy of this book from B00kr3vi3wstours in exchange for an honest review. The views expressed in this  review are completely mine and are in no manner affected by the source of the review copy.

What Am I Reading On Juggernaut This Month

I started reading books with paperbacks/ hardcovers and that magic has never waned off. The magic of paper, the magic of that magical smell

Dear Devaswom Board, Suit Up!

Religion needed a face so they made statues of gods,

Gods were to be the face of the shield so they made Yama the face of fear,

But the shield did not work in its own courtyard,

Yama sat wordlessly as his creators killed,

Putting the blame on him and the shield, slying away blame free into their holes.

What an irony! The temple where devotees gathered to seek blessings for longer lives and better health was witness to more than 100 lives being burnt down right in its courtyard. The goddess is supposed to be benevolent and bless on the last day. Did she even have a say in this?

The latest manmade tragedy to strike – a fire broke out in the early hours of the final day of the temple festival in Puttingal temple at Paravur in Kollam district of Kerala, India. A fire spark from the fire crackers which were being burst is said to have set fire to the entire shed where fire crackers were being stored. As a result a massive fire broke out injuring more than 350 people out of which 102 have already lost their lives. While there have been demands to the Devaswom Board, which manages more than 1000 temples in Kerala, to ban use of fire works in temple festivals; the board has refused to do so sating that fire works are part of the local traditions in Kerala.

Can’t someone at the Devasom board look at why the tradition came in and do we still need to practice it?

Even with this kind of a space, 102 lives have already been lost. Imagine what would have happened had the space been less and lesser scope to run was available? PC: http://paravoorsouth.blogspot.in

I had written in one of my earlier posts:

“We happen to be a society struck between the glorious past with its beliefs and very logical reasonings and an evolving present where we have just carried forward the beliefs and not the reasonings; becoming a largely superstitious society. We have become the herd that just follows without any questions asked. A society that has become blind in our beliefs. What else would you call beliefs without reasons and practices that are no more in sync with the reality of this nation.“

And this is exactly what we are today. A declining civilisation that seems to have lost the ability to reason. The local traditions in Kerala had a reason as to why fire crackers were part of temple festivities. Urbanisation has led to the jungles being cleared off to make way for villages and cities but back in the ancient past, when these traditions were conceived, it wasn’t so. Kerala in the ancient past was a heavily forested land. Those were the times when man lived amidst nature. The villages were surrounded by forests. And forests had wild animals abound. The temple festivities took place early morning thought the night – the time of wild animals and their nighty prowl. To scare off the dangerous wild animals from venturing into the village and finding easy prey, the fire crackers must have been used. The light, sound and pungent smell from sulphur used traditionally in the fire crackers are all repellants for the creatures of the wild.

Times changed. Human population increased manifold times over. Land became scarce. Forests gave way. Wild animals moved to the zoo or to the existing jungles which are no where near the urban towns and villages we live in today. But still the fire crackers are being burst. In the name of tradition. Causing destruction to the environment, animals and humans. Even leading to life damage!

But are we willing to ban the tradition? No! The question is WHY?

These are the kind of firecrackers used in temple fireworks. Which angle do they look safe from to be used in a densely populated areas? TRADITION, anyone! PC: http://indiatoday.in

Diwali is the biggest festival in North India. In the Bhopal (Madhya Pradesh) of my childhood, Diwali nights used to begin a week before the main day (Laxmi Puja) and the night of Diwali was nothing else but sound and light. It used to go on very late at night. I remember, mom used to find it so tough to make us go to bed that night. We would lie down reluctantly in our beds listening to the zoooom…boooom…dhooom. But the Bhopal of today, we hardly hear the crackers for half an hour, maximum. Diwali is celebrated in North India as a symbol of the victory of good over evil. Lord Ram is believed to have returned to Ayodhya after 14 years of his exile on this night. What remains of Diwali is just the symbolic fire works. Lord Ram is still worthy and popularly prayed to but the traditions are changing because all fire crackers bring are noise pollution, air pollution and fire accidents. People can see it. They have lowered the firecrackers tradition on their own as there was no board to seek permission from.

Dear Devasom Board you need to follow suit, please. How many more tradegies are you waiting for? Weren’t these enough to tell you that this tradition had outlived its time and most importantly its use.

Sabarimala Temple Fire in 1952 – Killed 68

Fireworks Production Unit Fire in 2006 for Thissur Pooram festival – Killed 4

Firecracker Unit at Athani in 2011 for Thissur Pooram festival – Killed 6

Maradu Kottaram Bhagavathi Temple fire in 2016 – Killed 1

Puttingal temple Fire at Paravur in 2016 – Killed 102 (still counting)

Please shy away from your petty politics of losing religious importance and making money out of all those local fire cracker contractors. Lives are at stake here. Your board members are possibly the most learned in traditions and their reasons once upon a time. Be reasonable, evaluate if those reasons are still valid. You need to see light soon. You know Indian youth aren’t too tolerant these days. Especially with age old outdated traditions, which cost us lives, and their pseudo-guardians.

You will have more importance and respect that way. Our gods don’t need your fire works and sound pollution. They would rather have their devotees live another day to love the statues with a heart full of faith.

Please don’t give us another reason to doubt the institution that you are so hard trying to uphold.

I love Kerala Temples but this way. Let the light be of the lamp, not the glare of the fire . PC: Ramesh Kidangoor

Before A for Apple, Teach How The Apple Came Home

The other day, I and a friend went to ISKON, Bangalore and later took a stroll to the exit side of Orion Mall, nearby. While I was mesmerised by the gigantic concrete structure of World Trade Tower, I saw her clicking pictures of a tree which stood a bit farther from us. She told me she loved clicking photographs of trees whenever possible. That is when I took the surroundings in.

There a small pond between the World Trade Tower and Orion Mall. Though there was a warning about not venturing into the pond, as the pond was supposedly deep, there was hardly a couple of feet deep water visible there. From the place where we stood there was the huge Orion Mall behind us, the gigantic World Trade Tower on the left and a row of multi floored apartments on the right. But there was hardly any water in the deep pond, very few trees around and even those tress looked so dull and bored. All around whatever was beautiful was concrete. There was no nature around. And it was all hot.

In April beginning, we are touching 38 degrees while the terribly bad in summers Chennai is at 33 degrees! My friend, a Bangalorean, was saying, “Everyone says oh the weather of Bangalore is no more good. How is it supposed to be good when you keep cutting down trees and don’t plant any?” She ranted more, “You know what? They say outsiders have come and spoiled Bangalore. I say no. The politicians have spoiled Bangalore. They have and are bringing disaster to my city. The fools keep granting permission to cut down trees but take no initiative to plant more. Where do they think the oxygen going to come from?“

She is right. The concrete, the glass, the aluminium cannot give out oxygen, right? The ones that can give are been cut down for reason and no reason, without any replacement measures. And it is not just Bangalore or the metros, watch this video:

A pond in Nashik, Maharashtra, which had not dried up ever in its history has dried up completely. So much, that kids are playing cricket where the pond used to be…once.

Not just these, there are hundreds of places all over where the human damage to nature is glaring in our faces but we in our lofty air conditioned, glass tinted, concrete constructed offices and homes are ignoring these signs and just book a ticket to a Goa or an Ooty whenever we need nature!

When you see the video above, it is so evident that people are more concerned that the religious rituals could not be performed because of non-availability of water than the fact that water has dried up! That was our earlier generation. Honestly they hardly cared for nature, maybe they never were taught to. And they hardly taught us too. But thankfully television and internet taught our generation many things that our parents didn’t and couldn’t. But our kids, we not just have a chance to teach them but also a need to. That could possibly be the best legacy we may be able to leave for the future generations.

What I am going to be teaching my kids about being empathetic and saving nature is making it a part of their existence. I plan to make my kids read right from the time they can. I want books to be part of their existence. Similarly, right from the age when my kiddo is able to stand on her feet and walk around I am going to get her a small pot with a little plant for her. Maybe a 10’o clock plant. Easy to nurture and beautiful with its flowers. I would like her to experience the joy of growth as her plants grow, buds appear and bloom into flowers. I want her to love plants. That is the only way she would want to save nature. That is the only way when she grows some more, develops friendships and when she sees her friends nip a flower or crush a plant or kick a pot she will tell them -not to. She may get bullied or laughed at but at the end she will develop a community of nature lovers.

PC: http://ashevillage.org

I may have to buy an iPad or playstation for her but before she can make those demands and is doomed to a life in front of big and small screens, I am going to take her to walks in her pram as well as well she starts to walk and run. Our walks will be in the parks and amidst nature. I want the greens to be imbibed in her brain and be part of her existence. So that even when she discovers the joys of electronic gadgets, she’ll already know a world of nature exists just outside her door. She may even like it more

God Dishes Out, Man Distinguishes Out

Another 400-year old tradition has been broken! Good.

How much does it change anything? 

Have you heard the story of this place called Shani Shingnapur in Maharashtra? Well, the story of the place and its most famous religious tourist attraction is something that I will tell you some other time, this post is not about that. The story I am going to narrate to you is about what happened at Shani Shingnapur in the last 3 months and how it is a social change alright but an isolated one.

Shani Shingnapur is a nondescript village in Maharashtra, most popular for a Shani (saturn) temple. A jet black rock is the powerful deity here and women are not allowed to worship this rock. Yes, that’s right. For all the gender equality talks of 21st century, women are not allowed inside the sanctum sanctorum of this temple to worship. This has been so for 400 hundred years. Unchallenged. Unchanged.

In January 2016, a woman managed to give slip to the guards as well as the priests and worshiped the deity. And all hell broke loose. The temple trust conducted a purification ceremony. Women rights activists were up in arms. They tried to enter the temple, faced fierce opposition from the temple authorities as well as the locals and finally went the legal appeal way. The Mumbai High Court gave an order to the state administration that women cannot be kept out of places of worship where men are allowed. Women activists again tried to enter the temple, after the court verdict. The result was the same. The temple trust put a blanket ban on anyone entering the sanctum sanctorum. No men allowed. No women allowed. They basically shut out men too so that women need not be allowed.

Finally today on Gudi Padwa (maharashtrian new year day), as is the tradition at Shani Shingnapur temple, men offer worship to the deity. Angered by the blanket ban, around 100 men forcefully crossed the barricade and offered worship to Shani. Following which a historic decision has been taken by the temple trust. The temple will allow worship rights to all.

So, Shani Shingnapur has eventually opened its gates to women in 400 years. Wow! Like Really?

But why do women want to worship at a place where you will need to dip yourself in water, wearing those wet clothes clinging to your body you would go bend at the feet of a pandit and seek his blessings. (Why? Because he first male born in a lineage of priests. That has given him the right to stand there and bless people!) And then in the wet clothes you will prostrate before a rock believed to cast evil eye on you! Forget the rock, even if the rock doesn’t cast any eye on you all the men around that area will. Guaranteed! Women safety, go figure out.

Secondly, why do you want to go to a place where you were considered inferior? You were not allowed inside because you were born a WOMAN! You fight to get in. And do what? Wear wet clothes and pray? Would you not get the same blessings with more peace of mind at your home or even the Sai Temple in Shirdi, which is around 73 kms from Shani Shingnapur. Yes it has helped shake the age old shackles of tradition. Yes the temple trust and the simple people of that small village will now open up to something called gender equality. Yes, maybe the little girls in the village will grow up knowing that it is not okay to be treated differentially from their male cousins and friends. But as a woman it is still insulting. It is insulting to have to parade before 100s of strangers in clothes clinging to every contour of your body and knowing that you are been ogled at! It will be insulting to be told by the temple authorities that I am not appropriately dressed in Jeans and that I need to change into something more appropriate. Actually, now it will be interesting to see if women refuse to enter the temple in the attire dictated by the patriarchal guardians of Shani!

Thirdly and most importantly why I call this an isolated incident. A man in my house may get a night fall, no body gets to know about it. Infact no one is even interested in it. He will get up the next morning, take a shower, go to temple. (He could even perform Puja if we were brahmins). I get my my periods. I cannot even touch things that are used in prayers or even step into the room where prayers happen, forget going to the temple. Not just for that day but 7 days! When there is to be anything auspicious in a Hindu home the women are asked, at times even openly, about the dates of their periods; no one even bothers with the men. Both are body functions. Both are natural. But why the impure tag to the female body?

The day parents stop freaking out over their daughters/ daughter-in-laws touching the altar when they know the girl is on her periods, that day this term Gender Equality will make some sense, till then these are only isolated incidents that may or may not be part of the bigger change.

Maybe that day the gender bias at Sabarimala and Sree Padmanabhaswamy Temple in Kerala, Jain Temples in Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh, Haji Ali Dargah Shrine in Maharashtra, Jama Masjid and Nizamuddin Dargah in Delhi and Lord Kartikeya Temple in Pushkar would too have opened their gates to women like Shani Shingnapur Temple.

You know who you are. You know what you have to do. Go. Do. The women of this nation deserve to be queens that gods in all these places dished them out as, not  distinguished against.

Girl, Don’t Forget You Are A Woman

24 year-old actress found dead. Suicide suspected. 

Ever since the news broke out on April 1, 2016, that television actress Pratyusha Banerjee has committed suicide at her Mumbai residence, the internet has been breaking. There have been many speculations floating around as to why she took this extreme step. Right from trouble in love paradise to financial troubles to psychological depression owing to these as well as other pressures of her profession are being speculated as the reason. But the truth that stares us in the face is – a young life has ended. Nipped in the bud by her own act.

I don’t know if Pratyusha Banerjee decided to end her life because her relationship was giving her unbearable woes. Or because she had a lot of debts and felt that the mountain of debts is unsurmountable. Or because her profession put her under too much work pressure that it had pushed her to be a frustrated, depressed individual. I am not privy to these details, but what I know is no girl lives a frustration or depression free life including me.I am a normal middle class girl and I know girls like me. Some are battling relationship issues, some are battling the burden of social expectations, some are tired of being the cash cow’s for their families while some are on the verge of giving up because the load of expectations in some form or another is pulling them down.

But they still don’t give up. Do you know why? Amongst all reasons the biggest ones being that they are Women – God’s superior creation.They are not wired to give up!

Show me one woman who does not has troubles in her life. Who has not been let down by her loved ones. Who has not faced frustration, loneliness or self doubt. We have all faced depression in some form or another. And we are all survivors. I don’t intend to be mean but the world will not salute or even spare some respect for the likes of Pratyusha Banerjee or Jiah Khan. The world salutes women like her:

I have lived 33 years of my life. Single. I stay 1600 kms away from my family. I am self employed which for those who don’t know comes with its own pressures and frustrating moments especially when you don’t have an assurance that someone will pay your bills. I am no expert and I may not be the best person to give out tips to women out there but I definitely can tell you reasons why most of my friends call me a happy soul. This one is for you girls:

A Man or a Child or a Relationship Does Not Define You: The society including your own mother is going to tell you, first that till you have a man beside you and till you strike out your father’s last name and replace with your man’s last name you are not complete; and then after the man comes they are going to tell you that till you bear a child you are not complete. Only when a women blooms does she become complete. This is a line which I have heard often. Hear it but don’t take it to heart. Don’t let that line or for that sake any line define you. If your creator sent you with rules, they will be etched in your soul and you will know what to follow. And since he didn’t, just do what makes you happy. Do not let a man or lack of him/ a child/ a relationship or lack of it define you.

You are neither a trophy nor a machine. Be the woman that you were sent as!

Keep Your Gal Pals Close, Always: While I was in Indore, I had a coffee buddy. Often over coffee sitting at CCD, we would talk about how different men and women needs are. While the former has overwhelming physical needs and their emotional needs never gain prominence, the latter’s emotional needs are overwhelming. Physical needs we have but again like the former’s emotional needs – it never gains prominence. We would sit and question the society’s sanity when it mandated that Man and Women would live together. And this is the reality of our lives. Most of the things we women love doing, we can do only with our girl pals, likewise for our opposite gender too. Trust me girls, go out with atleast one girl pal of yours once a week, though group hangouts are even more fun. You won’t know where the happiness suddenly manifested from.

From you heart secrets to your bedroom secrets you can tell them anything. And our girlfriends have solutions for everything, even without asking. With them around you are going to love yourself more and that will be real balance!

Keep Busy: Please do not hang on that one text message or call. Your happiness or moods are not to be defined by that. Should not be. Have your body of work. It pays or not is something we will come to later. But work. Pursue your passion, take up a new course, find work that suits your qualifications, associate with a social cause…do anything, but work. This will not just keeps you busy, it also builds your self esteem and confidence. It builds your network of friends. And it also builds up an image of a self reliant achiever. Would you like to be in a relationship with a man who gives you a lot of attention but doesn’t has a good job? Everyone loves success. And everybody includes your boyfriend/ husband too. Make sure he is proud of you. And just being dolled up isn’t something to be proud of for very long.

If you have to be, be his trophy and not his arm candy!

Earn Your Fare. Be Financially Independent.: It does not matter how much you earn, but earn enough for your needs, atleast. If you are married, then you may have possibly heard this many times, “Your husband earns so well…you don’t even need to go out and earn. Stay at home & have fun.” I won’t say don’t adjust to the changes or don’t make compromises. And nor do you have to only go to a office to earn. We luckily live in an age where it has become much easier to explore our passions and nearly everything today can earn us money. And to spend money that you earned, that feels great. Almost liberating.

A friend of mine filed for divorce from her husband because the bloke used to spend all his salary by 15th and then ask her for money. Don’t let money be the sore point of you relationship. Don’t let your financial dependence be the reason of you being with him. Don’t let him feel that he owns you because he buys you stuff. Let love be the only reason.

He would love you in a gown but he will also respect you in a gown that you paid for. It’s not because he doesn’t want to spend on you, but an independent woman is a high that only an independent woman can give. Trust me it’s healthy!

Be Emotionally Dependent. On You. Only.: You are a woman, you have emotional needs. Yes. But don’t make your partner the bearer of that need, unless he volunteer’s to do so. Which, with Indian men, is unlikely. Being least dependent is the key to keeping that smile on your face. Be self reliant – not just financially but also emotionally. No one likes a leech. Positivity is very attractive. And a dependent person is not positive. That person is always whining about what she doesn’t have. Don’t be that person. You’ll look ugly.

You are someone’s little girl but you are also a woman. God’s superior creation. You were designed to take in storms and give out love and care. You are wired to be the support of god’s other creation. Don’t ask for support from the one who was designed to get support from you. Don’t insult your creator.

Woman up!