R.A. White's Blog, page 8
January 29, 2017
Joseph Sojourner
Friends,
I'm linking you to a testimony by a young black man, Joseph Sojourner, who grew up attending a school where he and his two brothers were the ONLY non-white people. It's an eye-opening story for anyone who didn't grow up that way, and needs to be heard. The story was told at our church, and obviously has a spiritual motivation, but even if that isn't something you appreciate, I think you should listen. The man is inspirational and so clearly full of love.
If I did it right, you'll find it here.
I'm linking you to a testimony by a young black man, Joseph Sojourner, who grew up attending a school where he and his two brothers were the ONLY non-white people. It's an eye-opening story for anyone who didn't grow up that way, and needs to be heard. The story was told at our church, and obviously has a spiritual motivation, but even if that isn't something you appreciate, I think you should listen. The man is inspirational and so clearly full of love.
If I did it right, you'll find it here.
January 25, 2017
Review of 'Among Wolves'
I haven't written a review in SO LONG! Bad, bad girl, but somewhere along the line I just forgot about it... So I'm going to work on catching up now.
Review rating somewhere between 'It was OK' and 'I liked it'. I'm calling it 3.5 stars.
This book was easy to read, a nice diversion. The characters were pretty simple, the plot a little over the top in an Indiana Jones way near the end, with the main character somehow accomplishing all kinds of amazing things. I wish there had been a lot more about the growing up process, about all the characters and the way they interact and why. The 'bad guys' were pretty typical and met expectations. I kept feeling like it shouldn't have been written in the first person, though I admit I haven't taken the time to analyze why that would be. I sometimes was confused by the use of unusual contractions, things like "Pete's" meaning "Pete is" rather than showing possession. Looking at what I've written it doesn't sound very good, but the writing style was overall enjoyable and I never thought about not finishing it. I guess I felt connected enough to the main character, it was the other characters that felt a little flat. It had a decent resolution but with plenty of room for more stories.
Language: I don't remember it being bad.
Sexual Content: Nothing explicit.
Violence: Not nearly as much as I would expect for this kind of book, but yes there is some.
Overall Message/Plot: Definitely a plot driven book, with a nice feeling of impending doom and creepiness throughout. There are some twists and cool moments. Again, the resolution was a little unbelievable to me in the context of the story, but it was forgivable.
Diversity: Very little, though it makes sense in the story, and the diversity that is in it works into the plot in a kind of cool twist.
Find it here.
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Review rating somewhere between 'It was OK' and 'I liked it'. I'm calling it 3.5 stars.
This book was easy to read, a nice diversion. The characters were pretty simple, the plot a little over the top in an Indiana Jones way near the end, with the main character somehow accomplishing all kinds of amazing things. I wish there had been a lot more about the growing up process, about all the characters and the way they interact and why. The 'bad guys' were pretty typical and met expectations. I kept feeling like it shouldn't have been written in the first person, though I admit I haven't taken the time to analyze why that would be. I sometimes was confused by the use of unusual contractions, things like "Pete's" meaning "Pete is" rather than showing possession. Looking at what I've written it doesn't sound very good, but the writing style was overall enjoyable and I never thought about not finishing it. I guess I felt connected enough to the main character, it was the other characters that felt a little flat. It had a decent resolution but with plenty of room for more stories.
Language: I don't remember it being bad.
Sexual Content: Nothing explicit.
Violence: Not nearly as much as I would expect for this kind of book, but yes there is some.
Overall Message/Plot: Definitely a plot driven book, with a nice feeling of impending doom and creepiness throughout. There are some twists and cool moments. Again, the resolution was a little unbelievable to me in the context of the story, but it was forgivable.
Diversity: Very little, though it makes sense in the story, and the diversity that is in it works into the plot in a kind of cool twist.
Find it here.
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January 20, 2017
Just a Little Weird
1.
"Mom, we didn't have this for a while. Can we get some?" Trooper held up a can of spinach to show me as I slowly pushed the cart down the isle.
I closed my eyes and briefly shook my head, trying to orient myself to the strange reality in which I regularly find myself. I should expect things like this, I thought. But I still don't. "Sure," I said out loud in my chipper mom voice. What didn't surprise me was when later, as we were heating it on the stove, he poured literally half a canister of garlic powder on it. I did my best to salvage it, but even still there was a LOT of garlic left in that stuff. I have a limit to how much garlic I can consume at once, and unfortunately I threw most of the spinach away. Yesterday we made it again, and I banned the boy from the stove area. Don't mess with my spinach.
2.
Trooper's prayer the same night: "Dear God, thank you that I got my blood drawn."
What? I thought. I seriously live in the twilight zone.
"Thank you that you didn't make me afraid. That I was brave. And thank you that we went to Walmart."
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"Mom, we didn't have this for a while. Can we get some?" Trooper held up a can of spinach to show me as I slowly pushed the cart down the isle.
I closed my eyes and briefly shook my head, trying to orient myself to the strange reality in which I regularly find myself. I should expect things like this, I thought. But I still don't. "Sure," I said out loud in my chipper mom voice. What didn't surprise me was when later, as we were heating it on the stove, he poured literally half a canister of garlic powder on it. I did my best to salvage it, but even still there was a LOT of garlic left in that stuff. I have a limit to how much garlic I can consume at once, and unfortunately I threw most of the spinach away. Yesterday we made it again, and I banned the boy from the stove area. Don't mess with my spinach.
2.
Trooper's prayer the same night: "Dear God, thank you that I got my blood drawn."
What? I thought. I seriously live in the twilight zone.
"Thank you that you didn't make me afraid. That I was brave. And thank you that we went to Walmart."
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January 10, 2017
'The End'
I'm slowly reading through The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for about the seventh time, and as always, pretty much every day I'm reconvicted or learn something I didn't catch the last time. Well, yesterday I began reading about habit 2, 'Begin With the End in Mind'. I'm very familiar with the concept, Trooper and I even review our 'habits' regularly in school, but yesterday I was reminded to think on 'The End'. Usually I think about 'The End' on a small scale (the day, a project, a conversation, a school year), but Mr. Covey starts by inviting his readers to think of their whole lives in view of 'The End', and what we want that to look like. As I went through the mental exercise and thought about what I wanted out of my whole life, I came to a surprising conclusion. I've actually come to the conclusion before, so it shouldn't have been surprising at all, but for whatever reason I'd forgotten all about it.
Most of the things I want to have to show for my life are relational, being a solid parent/wife/friend/teacher etcetera, as I hope most of you would, but the surprising thing to me was that writing books was right up there on the list. When life gets busy or chaotic, writing is always the first thing to go. My brain tells me that everything else is more important, that I can live without it and people have plenty of other books to read, but my heart says otherwise. My heart says that somehow I have to make it fit because when my End comes, one of the many things I want to have people say about me is that they were touched by my words, that they saw life from a little bit different perspective because of me, and that reading my stories gave them both joy and conviction. I've no delusions of being the next Harriet Beecher Stowe or C.S. Lewis, mind you, but all the same I like to think my writing means something, and a little more than a good time.
So now comes the real problem, putting conviction into practice. How do I carve time for writing out of a full (and mostly important) day/week/month/year and not feel guilty for taking time away from something else? Or, failing that, how do I press on in spite of the guilt? How do I tell people, 'No,' because I'll be writing at that time? I sit here pinching my lips together as I try to figure it out. I could say I'll stop watching movies the few times I do during a week, but let's face it, usually by that time of night I'm not worth anything, anyway.
I have to come up with something.
Is there something you want to accomplish, something that, at your End, you want to be able to look back on and see in your life? Something that, as of now, you aren't making much progress in? If so, please share with me what you plan to do to make it happen. Maybe your plans will help me figure this out!
Best wishes to you as you work to figure out your End goals, and know that I'm down here working on mine, too.
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Most of the things I want to have to show for my life are relational, being a solid parent/wife/friend/teacher etcetera, as I hope most of you would, but the surprising thing to me was that writing books was right up there on the list. When life gets busy or chaotic, writing is always the first thing to go. My brain tells me that everything else is more important, that I can live without it and people have plenty of other books to read, but my heart says otherwise. My heart says that somehow I have to make it fit because when my End comes, one of the many things I want to have people say about me is that they were touched by my words, that they saw life from a little bit different perspective because of me, and that reading my stories gave them both joy and conviction. I've no delusions of being the next Harriet Beecher Stowe or C.S. Lewis, mind you, but all the same I like to think my writing means something, and a little more than a good time.
So now comes the real problem, putting conviction into practice. How do I carve time for writing out of a full (and mostly important) day/week/month/year and not feel guilty for taking time away from something else? Or, failing that, how do I press on in spite of the guilt? How do I tell people, 'No,' because I'll be writing at that time? I sit here pinching my lips together as I try to figure it out. I could say I'll stop watching movies the few times I do during a week, but let's face it, usually by that time of night I'm not worth anything, anyway.
I have to come up with something.
Is there something you want to accomplish, something that, at your End, you want to be able to look back on and see in your life? Something that, as of now, you aren't making much progress in? If so, please share with me what you plan to do to make it happen. Maybe your plans will help me figure this out!
Best wishes to you as you work to figure out your End goals, and know that I'm down here working on mine, too.
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December 20, 2016
Happy Holidays!
I have a couple silly stories to help get you through your week. It won't take long to read them, your time will be well worth the smiles.
1. I was trying to help Trooper understand why the mom in 'A Christmas Story' hated the leg lamp so much, but he doesn't understand the concept of jealousy or why a woman wouldn't want her man looking at other legs. Finally, after asking several questions, he said, "You want Daddy to like your legs? He won't like your legs, they're just skinny and ashy."
2. You know you've been studying American history when you tell your son he can't go to a class, and he asks if it's because he's black.
(No, son, it's because I don't trust them to keep you alive. For the record, it was an especially diverse environment.)
For those of you who celebrate holidays over the next couple of weeks, I wish you a low-stress season full of friends and/or family. Funny story, I told Jonathan I want to celebrate the winter solstice (in addition to Christmas and the New Year), and he said, "Well, as long as you don't want to sacrifice a pidgeon or something." I don't know how we'll celebrate it, researching is next on my list, but people have been celebrating the beginning of longer days for a very, very long time, and it's not hard to guess why. Most of us non-vampires prefer more daylight.
Whatever you celebrate, celebrate it well.
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December 14, 2016
Worms and Christmas
"Mom, do worms have eyes?" Trooper asked as he paged through a huge book about animals.
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Because they live under the ground, and they don't need them. Plus, they're pretty low on the food chain. They're here to compost and be eaten."
Then there was a brief discussion about why we haven't found worms in Florida, and how they're similar to and different from millipedes. Then Trooper said, "They live in Delaware."
"Yes, they live in Delaware," I agreed.
"But not in the winter," he clarified.
"They do live there in the winter," I said, "but they dig down far in the ground so they don't freeze."
"Ah," he said with a knowing nod. "And they dig far down so they won't get run over by Santa's sleigh."
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"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Because they live under the ground, and they don't need them. Plus, they're pretty low on the food chain. They're here to compost and be eaten."
Then there was a brief discussion about why we haven't found worms in Florida, and how they're similar to and different from millipedes. Then Trooper said, "They live in Delaware."
"Yes, they live in Delaware," I agreed.
"But not in the winter," he clarified.
"They do live there in the winter," I said, "but they dig down far in the ground so they don't freeze."
"Ah," he said with a knowing nod. "And they dig far down so they won't get run over by Santa's sleigh."
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November 19, 2016
Love. Love More.
I went back and forth on whether or not I should write this story, mainly because of its personal nature but also because it doesn't necessarily display my parenting in the best light. It would have been easier to keep it to myself. But the more I've thought about it and the more it's motivated my husband and me to improve ourselves, the more convicted I've become that other people should hear it. So, here goes.
Trooper had been looking a little sad, his face turned down, moping around the kitchen, but I hadn't thought much of it at the time because I knew why. Jonathan had made him come downstairs. Trooper wouldn't stay out of the way while Jonathan was taking the knob off a door, and of course the reason Jonathan was removing a doorknob was because Trooper had locked the door to the room with all the tools in it. Everything we had that might double as a lock-pick was in that room. Fortunately, Jonathan finally found a little Phillips-head in a drawer somewhere, so he could get the knob off without going out to buy one. All that to say, Jonathan was irritated with the boy, and so was I, for various reasons. It had been one of 'those days' when my Trooper was on a mission of mischief, and it didn't compliment my mission of education and orderly conduct.
To be honest, we have a lot of days like those. Trooper is a bit like a cuddly, friendly, adorable, hilarious puppy whom everyone loves, yet he chews up your shoes, dumps the trash on the floor, pulls the toilette paper off the roll, tackles people, and often stubbornly refuses to obey simple commands. I love him more than seems possible, but man, can he wear me thin.
I was getting started on dinner when Trooper came to stand before me, still looking down at his toes.
"I feel like nobody likes me."
I can't think of anything that could have hurt my heart more than that statement. I completely forgot about dinner (I still can't remember what it was) and picked up my little love to hold him. What followed was a rambling, mushy, tight-squeezing string of assurances that we do like him, and in fact love him more than anything on earth, and that just because we get upset about his behavior doesn't mean we dislike him.
But at that moment I knew I had failed. Not completely--he clearly feels close enough to me to tell me how he's feeling, and most of the time we're good--but I had misjudged the affect my displeasure in his attitude and behavior were having on him. Honestly, it reminded me a little of the revelation Jail has about Rima in Kergulen, when he realizes that so much of the way she's been acting is in response to his frustration. I think we're relatively good about giving affirmation and encouragement in our family, but obviously it hasn't been enough to balance out the scolding and irritation.
So, now for the reason I felt compelled to share this story. I'm close to my child; we spend almost all day every day together, we have fun, we argue, he thanks me for teaching him things… Also, Trooper is an extreme extravert who is generally pretty good about saying what he thinks and feels. But what about kids who don't have someone they can really talk to? What about children who internalize things instead of saying them? What about kids whose parents don't even try to give encouragement and positive reinforcement? What about adults who have the same problems? My guess is that the world is full of people who feel like 'nobody likes them' at least several times a week, and that feeling unloved/un-liked/unnoticed is one of their biggest motivations for misbehavior. I know for a fact that days when I am extra expressive of my love for Trooper, he acts so much better than on the days when we're in a hurry and just trying to get things done. I know I act so much better when I've been feelin' the love. So what to do?
Love. Love more. Love like our lives depend on it. Because they do.
(The last four sentences are an adapted quote from Dean Koontz.)
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Trooper had been looking a little sad, his face turned down, moping around the kitchen, but I hadn't thought much of it at the time because I knew why. Jonathan had made him come downstairs. Trooper wouldn't stay out of the way while Jonathan was taking the knob off a door, and of course the reason Jonathan was removing a doorknob was because Trooper had locked the door to the room with all the tools in it. Everything we had that might double as a lock-pick was in that room. Fortunately, Jonathan finally found a little Phillips-head in a drawer somewhere, so he could get the knob off without going out to buy one. All that to say, Jonathan was irritated with the boy, and so was I, for various reasons. It had been one of 'those days' when my Trooper was on a mission of mischief, and it didn't compliment my mission of education and orderly conduct.
To be honest, we have a lot of days like those. Trooper is a bit like a cuddly, friendly, adorable, hilarious puppy whom everyone loves, yet he chews up your shoes, dumps the trash on the floor, pulls the toilette paper off the roll, tackles people, and often stubbornly refuses to obey simple commands. I love him more than seems possible, but man, can he wear me thin.
I was getting started on dinner when Trooper came to stand before me, still looking down at his toes.
"I feel like nobody likes me."
I can't think of anything that could have hurt my heart more than that statement. I completely forgot about dinner (I still can't remember what it was) and picked up my little love to hold him. What followed was a rambling, mushy, tight-squeezing string of assurances that we do like him, and in fact love him more than anything on earth, and that just because we get upset about his behavior doesn't mean we dislike him.
But at that moment I knew I had failed. Not completely--he clearly feels close enough to me to tell me how he's feeling, and most of the time we're good--but I had misjudged the affect my displeasure in his attitude and behavior were having on him. Honestly, it reminded me a little of the revelation Jail has about Rima in Kergulen, when he realizes that so much of the way she's been acting is in response to his frustration. I think we're relatively good about giving affirmation and encouragement in our family, but obviously it hasn't been enough to balance out the scolding and irritation.
So, now for the reason I felt compelled to share this story. I'm close to my child; we spend almost all day every day together, we have fun, we argue, he thanks me for teaching him things… Also, Trooper is an extreme extravert who is generally pretty good about saying what he thinks and feels. But what about kids who don't have someone they can really talk to? What about children who internalize things instead of saying them? What about kids whose parents don't even try to give encouragement and positive reinforcement? What about adults who have the same problems? My guess is that the world is full of people who feel like 'nobody likes them' at least several times a week, and that feeling unloved/un-liked/unnoticed is one of their biggest motivations for misbehavior. I know for a fact that days when I am extra expressive of my love for Trooper, he acts so much better than on the days when we're in a hurry and just trying to get things done. I know I act so much better when I've been feelin' the love. So what to do?
Love. Love more. Love like our lives depend on it. Because they do.
(The last four sentences are an adapted quote from Dean Koontz.)
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October 20, 2016
iNSECTS aRE gOOD
Me: I love you so much, EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST DROPPED MACARONI ALL OVER THE FLOOR!
Trooper: That's OK, the ants will eat it.
Trooper: That's OK, the ants will eat it.
October 18, 2016
Dodge Ball
We were at a birthday party at this trampoline park called Sky Zone, and Trooper seemed to have a great time bouncing, playing with kids, and dodging the ball in the dodge ball courts, but on the way home he surprised us. He said, "I'm never going back there again!""What? Why?" I asked, wondering if he was just tired and irrationally cranky.
"Because those kids kept throwing balls at me!"
Jonathan and I laughed. I understood that he had no idea how to play the game, but I hadn't realized that he didn't even know it was a game. "Honey, they were playing dodge ball, so they were supposed to throw the ball at you. They weren't being mean."
Trooper grunted, clearly not placated by my explanation. He growled, "I was about to tell that boy to throw the ball at his own face."
Ha! That's my boy.
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October 10, 2016
I Want to See Them Crack
This isn't the grossest thing Trooper has ever done (he'd better never break the raw chicken record), it isn't the most destructive, or even the funniest. But to me, it is one of the weirdest.
During the hurricane I was making meat sauce, and when I went out to pick herbs from my two-pot garden I found that aphids had taken up residence in the basil's new growth. As you might imagine, this didn't make me very happy, and despite the light rain I set to work ridding myself of the little plant murderers right away.
"Wait, Mommy, don't kill them. I want to keep them. I want to see them crack."
"What!?"
"The aphid eggs. I want to see them crack!"
"Do you, by chance, mean to say you want to see them hatch?"
"Yes! Hatch! I want to see them hatch!"
"But I don't want them to get to my other plants. I need to kill them."
"No, wait!" He ran to get a small plastic container, and soon a few basil leaves and their parasites were securely tucked away in there.
I frowned, wondering how on earth those would actually stay in that container and not end up in my other plants. Was there even a chance? No, I decided, there wasn't. But here I am, a home school mom, working under the theory that if I allow and encourage my child to be proactive and explore the world around him, there will be very few things we actually need to learn from text books.
So Trooper had aphids to keep him company during the hurricane, as if a dog, two cats, three crabs, and two parents weren't enough.
Then, on Saturday, we went into the school room for a reading lesson, and Trooper brought with him a sock. A sock with a clothespin fastened to it. "Look, Mom, I have a sock and a clothespin."
"Um, OK. Cool." I know my eyes went a little weird as I tried to comprehend this, but I remembered something Chip H. used to say (and probably still does), "Don't ask kids why they do things. They don't know." So I asked Trooper to set it aside and we got to work.
A while later I was pulling out paper to practice writing when I heard Trooper talking to the sock. "How are you doing little aphids?"
"You put aphids in a sock?!" Of course I was thinking, there's no way that clothespin is doing ANYTHING to keep them in there, and I have houseplants, and…In the Magic Tree House books one of the main characters, Annie, put a pet mouse in her sock to keep it warm.
Point three seconds after I remembered this, Trooper said, "I put them in there like Annie."
My friends, let this be an encouragement to you to be mindful of what you read to your children. You may think that as long as you avoid negative themes, violence, sex, and foul language, you'll be fine, but you never know what kinds of ideas will come back to join your daily life. But 'pets' in a sock aren't really that big a deal. As long as he doesn't ask me to help him mummify anything, it's all good.
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During the hurricane I was making meat sauce, and when I went out to pick herbs from my two-pot garden I found that aphids had taken up residence in the basil's new growth. As you might imagine, this didn't make me very happy, and despite the light rain I set to work ridding myself of the little plant murderers right away.
"Wait, Mommy, don't kill them. I want to keep them. I want to see them crack."
"What!?"
"The aphid eggs. I want to see them crack!"
"Do you, by chance, mean to say you want to see them hatch?"
"Yes! Hatch! I want to see them hatch!"
"But I don't want them to get to my other plants. I need to kill them."
"No, wait!" He ran to get a small plastic container, and soon a few basil leaves and their parasites were securely tucked away in there.
I frowned, wondering how on earth those would actually stay in that container and not end up in my other plants. Was there even a chance? No, I decided, there wasn't. But here I am, a home school mom, working under the theory that if I allow and encourage my child to be proactive and explore the world around him, there will be very few things we actually need to learn from text books.
So Trooper had aphids to keep him company during the hurricane, as if a dog, two cats, three crabs, and two parents weren't enough.
Then, on Saturday, we went into the school room for a reading lesson, and Trooper brought with him a sock. A sock with a clothespin fastened to it. "Look, Mom, I have a sock and a clothespin."
"Um, OK. Cool." I know my eyes went a little weird as I tried to comprehend this, but I remembered something Chip H. used to say (and probably still does), "Don't ask kids why they do things. They don't know." So I asked Trooper to set it aside and we got to work.
A while later I was pulling out paper to practice writing when I heard Trooper talking to the sock. "How are you doing little aphids?"
"You put aphids in a sock?!" Of course I was thinking, there's no way that clothespin is doing ANYTHING to keep them in there, and I have houseplants, and…In the Magic Tree House books one of the main characters, Annie, put a pet mouse in her sock to keep it warm.
Point three seconds after I remembered this, Trooper said, "I put them in there like Annie."
My friends, let this be an encouragement to you to be mindful of what you read to your children. You may think that as long as you avoid negative themes, violence, sex, and foul language, you'll be fine, but you never know what kinds of ideas will come back to join your daily life. But 'pets' in a sock aren't really that big a deal. As long as he doesn't ask me to help him mummify anything, it's all good.
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