R.A. White's Blog, page 24
July 25, 2014
Review of 'Prisoner' (Werewolf Marines) by Lia Silver. 4 Stars.
First, let me say that I have NEVER read a book with a half-naked man on the cover until this one, and this was only because the book was recommended to me. When I checked it out, it sounded light on the romance, and so I decided to read it in the hope of finding some good characters with cultural variety. The cultural variety is the reason I'm posting the review on my blog as well as on Amazon and Goodreads.
D.J. Torres is a werewolf in the Marines, and as a result of being shot down, he's taken to a secret government facility where powers-that-be intend to change his life, and not for the better. There's not much I can say about the specifics without spoiling, but overall it was a cool story with some suspense and interesting characters. People with superhuman abilities are always fun, and I often enjoy a good government conspiracy, so it was a nice read for me. There's some clever banter, though not enough to make a claim of comedy. Since I don't know much about real life military (and certainly not SECRET military) operations, I don't know if the details were authentic or not, but the writing was confident and came across as being realistic, aside from the obvious exceptions of werewolves and genetically modified assassins.
The characters were likeable and kept me following the story without ever feeling like I needed to take a break. There were very few typos or awkward sentences, so thumbs up on the writing itself.
Language: R. They use the 'F' word like it's about to be repossessed, but although I don't like reading it, I think it was used in a realistic way to help give the story weight. Still, if you don't like profanity, this isn't the book for you.
Sexual Content: OK, so I'm going to gripe about this one. I'm NEVER a fan of explicit sex scenes. I know how it works, already, I don't need a documentary. In general I just skip them and move on, but still, it annoys me to have to find the end. In this case, skipping the sex was more challenging than usual. I can't go into the reason for this without giving things away, but just take my word for it. I would much prefer to have a 'pan away' scene.
Overall Message/Plot: Aside from some kind of obvious set-ups to get the two main characters together, the plot was pretty solid. The author provided believable reasons for the characters to get themselves into their situations, and while the reasons weren't super original, the characters were life-like enough to make me overlook that. Overall, a good read, and never boring.
EDIT: When I went to post my review on Amazon I saw that the book has a new cover. No more half-naked man. If you want to check it out for yourself, click here.
D.J. Torres is a werewolf in the Marines, and as a result of being shot down, he's taken to a secret government facility where powers-that-be intend to change his life, and not for the better. There's not much I can say about the specifics without spoiling, but overall it was a cool story with some suspense and interesting characters. People with superhuman abilities are always fun, and I often enjoy a good government conspiracy, so it was a nice read for me. There's some clever banter, though not enough to make a claim of comedy. Since I don't know much about real life military (and certainly not SECRET military) operations, I don't know if the details were authentic or not, but the writing was confident and came across as being realistic, aside from the obvious exceptions of werewolves and genetically modified assassins.
The characters were likeable and kept me following the story without ever feeling like I needed to take a break. There were very few typos or awkward sentences, so thumbs up on the writing itself.
Language: R. They use the 'F' word like it's about to be repossessed, but although I don't like reading it, I think it was used in a realistic way to help give the story weight. Still, if you don't like profanity, this isn't the book for you.
Sexual Content: OK, so I'm going to gripe about this one. I'm NEVER a fan of explicit sex scenes. I know how it works, already, I don't need a documentary. In general I just skip them and move on, but still, it annoys me to have to find the end. In this case, skipping the sex was more challenging than usual. I can't go into the reason for this without giving things away, but just take my word for it. I would much prefer to have a 'pan away' scene.
Overall Message/Plot: Aside from some kind of obvious set-ups to get the two main characters together, the plot was pretty solid. The author provided believable reasons for the characters to get themselves into their situations, and while the reasons weren't super original, the characters were life-like enough to make me overlook that. Overall, a good read, and never boring.
EDIT: When I went to post my review on Amazon I saw that the book has a new cover. No more half-naked man. If you want to check it out for yourself, click here.
July 20, 2014
Review Contest Reminder
Hi, everyone, I just wanted to remind all of you that submissions for the review contest will close on August 31st. I know that still gives you plenty of time, but if your summer is like mine, then it'll be here before you know it! For the full contest rules, click here.
July 15, 2014
Cultural Interview #3
Welcome, everyone, to Cultural Interview #3. We have Libertad, who shares some nitty-gritty insight into interracial relationships both romantic and platonic. Libertad and her partner are in their late twenties, and have been together for seven years. Libertad is Cuban American of African ancestry, with dark skin, and her partner is mixed Haitian and Columbian, with light skin. At the end of the interview, we have a lovely picture of the two of them. They both identify themselves as Latinos, but Libertad also identifies with being African American, since that's how people usually identify her at first glance.
RA: What about the town where you live? Are interracial relationships generally accepted there?
LIBERTAD: We are pretty much in New Haven, CT. It's a somewhat diverse town but the only interracial couples you typically see are between Asian women and white men or black men and white women, but the aw/wm is more common. People try to pretend they don't notice interracial couples but you can tell from the stares that they do. Interracial couples aren't not NOT accepted but you do get the looks.
RA: How have your families handled your relationship?
LIBERTAD: Hmm...our families? Well his family is much more diverse than mine. Many of his siblings date interracially and have mixed race or multicultural children. So sometimes I feel accepted but there have been some instances where I didn't. With some people of African descent, there is a lot of internalized racism and I've definitely felt it from his Haitian side.
My partner has very pale skin & light brown eyes. Naturally his black side praises him for this, because he appears "white". When I first met his brother, who is from Haiti, I heard him ask him, "What are you doing with that black girl? I thought you were dating a "Spanish" girl. Why would you want a black girl when you can have a Spanish girl." I was really hurt. Here comes this guy who looks more like me than my boyfriend does and he doesn't think I'm worth anything. And to top it off, he judged that by my dark skin that I couldn't be Latina. There have been instances like that from his Haitian side, too many to mention. But with the Haitian side I don't always feel welcome.
As far as my family goes, they aren't as bad as his. They accepted him from day one, with some few exceptions. …Culturally there were some prejudices our families had had. When my family discovered that he was both Haitian and Colombian, they jumped to their first thoughts about those particular cultures. Which were pretty much unfair stereotypes.
RA: I'd like to go back to the problems you've had with the Haitian side of the family. Most of us light skinned people are accustomed to hearing about racism against people who are different, but you describe a racism against people who look similar, and for their similar traits. The first time I was introduced to this concept I was completely surprised, and I imagine that some of our readers are, too. What do you think spawns this kind of thinking? Why would dark-skinned people value light skin over dark?
LIBERTAD: Well in the Caribbean, especially the Spanish speaking countries, The term "Blanqueamiento" to "mejorar la raza" is a common practice. The word "Blanquemiento" means to whiten and "mejorar la raza" is "to improve the race".
What it basically means is that little brown and black kids are raised to believe that you never marry or have kids with someone darker than you. If you are black, you must be with someone white so that your children won't be "black". There are benefits to being closer to white in Latin American countries whether people want to admit it or not. Lighter skinned people are more likely to get better jobs, get treated better, you won't see black people on TV in Latin American countries and they are not taught about black history in these countries. It's a very sad reality that is engraved in our history. In these countries being white or mixed with white means you'll have an easier life than someone who doesn't. So even though it's wrong, it's never going to stop.
Looking back at Haiti's history with the Dominican Republic is painful. Here are these neighboring countries that have rifts because of race alone. In the 1930's more than 20,000 Haitians died in the Dominican Republic because of their race. I'm exposed to both cultures where I live and to be honest, it's hard sometimes to tell the difference between a Haitian and a Dominican. Why? Because both have people with deep roots in Africa. When a Dominican person gets mad at me for accusing her for a Haitian I know why. Because being Haitian means being black. Some Dominicans don't want to refer to themselves as black.
So imagine being from Haiti, how badly you're treated by people that look like you, and with the exception of language, are you. You become resentful. You become hurt. You begin to hate what you are. And that's why some darker skinned people prefer lighter skinned people. It's a sad, sad reality.
RA: That whitening business is really is sad, and reminds me of Hitler and his determination to improve the race *shiver*. As for the problem between the Haitians and Dominicans, I think it's tempting for those who aren't in the middle of the conflict to see everything in simple categories of black/white/Latino/Asian, etcetera, which clearly isn't accurate. Thank you for reminding us that the world is much bigger than we sometimes like to think. You said 'it's never going to stop'. Can you imagine any way that it could be resolved?
LIBERTAD: Can I imagine any way it's going to be resolved? That's a tough question. I think the first step is teaching young brown and black children early in schools about the contributions brown and blacks have done for their countries. I remember meeting a little Panamanian girl a few years ago(she was black btw) who wanted to be an actress. I told her that's a great idea, you'd make a wonderful performer and you know what she told me? "How can I be an actress, Soy Negra y no soy hermosa como yo(I'm Black and I'm not pretty like you are). Take in mind that she wasn't American.
In Panama, you don't really see blacks on TV. I was shocked. She thought that by the color of her skin that she couldn't do something. And I'm sure she wasn't satisfied with her looks because she was black. I kinda wanted to cry because she was so young and she felt this way about herself. She didn't think black people could be certain things because they don't learn that black is beautiful in Latin America.
We all think that Brazil is this diverse, happy place where everyone gets along because they all claim to be Brazilian and aren't defined by their races, but I just found out this year, that even that is some fantasy. Blacks are just having their "Black Pride" movement now, something here in the USA has been going on for 50+years. It's kinda crazy,lol.
Will it stop? No, not as long as white supremacy has these countries by the neck. But the same thing happens here in the USA, we just haven't named it.
RA: Thank you for sharing that. It's so sad, but maybe if more people become aware of the problem, they'll be able to do a little something to offset it. Something my husband and I both strive for in different ways is to get people to see others as equally valuable and neither inferior nor superior. The idea is that teaching the majority/'in' crowd that others are not beneath them is maybe even more valuable than teaching minorities that they are valuable. But anyway, back to your partner. You mentioned that your family had some stereotypes about Haitians and Columbians. Will you explain what you meant by that?
LIBERTAD:
Being Haitian:
That he was a practitioner of Haitian Voodoo and could not be trusted. After extensive research I later learned that Voodoo is a religion, it is not some dark art people practice to use witchcraft and make people their slaves. No, it's a legitimate way of life and beliefs. My grandmother practiced Santeria until she turned 50. Santeria a is just about the same thing as Haitian Voodoo. And no it doesn't involve shrunken heads or sticking pins in a doll. Once I explained that to them they stopped with the "You better not leave loose hairs around him, he might use them to put a spell on you". Ridiculous, right?
That he had AIDS. Which I'm not sure where that rumor came from, that all Haitians have AIDS, like who makes this stuff up?
Being Colombian:
That he can't articulate himself well in Spanish. The last time I checked, Cubans spoke the most informal Spanish out of most Latin American countries. And I was quick to tell my family that making words up on the spot does not count as proper! Cuban people have a tendency to make up words on the spot when they don't know the Spanish word for it, this is mainly Miami natives though. For example, El centro means "Downtown", in Miami downtown is now "El dountoun". That left them in silence.
That he does drugs, sells drugs, transported drugs...they just connect all drugs to Colombians. My boyfriend is American, so yeah he wasn't doing any transporting.
Colombians are gang members. Social Intimidators.
RA: As you said, stereotypes are unfair, but in his case, were your family's assumptions of your partner's genes grounded in personal experience (meaning your family had had negative interactions with people from these countries), in media, or in something else?
LIBERTAD: Well in Miami, where my family used to live, we were surrounded by a lot of Haitian and Colombian people. Miami is home to tons of immigrants. Haitians made up about 6% of the population, Colombians about 2%. That doesn't seem like a lot but it was. These were things they either heard floating around or knew people that fit their ignorant views.
Lots of times my family chooses to omit that my boyfriend is mixed race. They will simply say he is "Haitian" when he comes up in conversation because they've determined that they prefer Haitians over Colombians. It's just kind of obnoxious.
RA: You've shared some very insightful viewpoints with us, and I thank you. You have such a unique perspective on the topic of interracial relationships, and a much better grasp on their complexities than I could ever have. Still, I'll keep trying! In closing, I'll ask you this: If you could tell everyone in the world one thing on the topic of interracial relationships and be sure they would hear it, what would you tell them?
LIBERTAD: Hmmm....I suppose I would say be sure to learn something from the experience of being in an interracial couple. Everyone always says Love is love and all that stuff doesn't matter, but I think it does matter. Take the time to learn about each other's different experiences. AND LISTEN, don't ask any questions until you fully understand what is being said to you. Parts of the reason I like being in an interracial relationship is the learning experience that comes along with it. If you've learned nothing, you may have missed out on an amazing experience. There are also some downsides, so don't think being in an interracial couple makes life easier. Being in an interracial relationship can be difficult because sometimes it can alter people's perspective of you and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out why. But all in all, you just be open to learning. Never assume things.
To get weekly updates about blog posts like this one, along with news about books and Trooper, subscribe here.
RA: What about the town where you live? Are interracial relationships generally accepted there?
LIBERTAD: We are pretty much in New Haven, CT. It's a somewhat diverse town but the only interracial couples you typically see are between Asian women and white men or black men and white women, but the aw/wm is more common. People try to pretend they don't notice interracial couples but you can tell from the stares that they do. Interracial couples aren't not NOT accepted but you do get the looks.
RA: How have your families handled your relationship?
LIBERTAD: Hmm...our families? Well his family is much more diverse than mine. Many of his siblings date interracially and have mixed race or multicultural children. So sometimes I feel accepted but there have been some instances where I didn't. With some people of African descent, there is a lot of internalized racism and I've definitely felt it from his Haitian side.
My partner has very pale skin & light brown eyes. Naturally his black side praises him for this, because he appears "white". When I first met his brother, who is from Haiti, I heard him ask him, "What are you doing with that black girl? I thought you were dating a "Spanish" girl. Why would you want a black girl when you can have a Spanish girl." I was really hurt. Here comes this guy who looks more like me than my boyfriend does and he doesn't think I'm worth anything. And to top it off, he judged that by my dark skin that I couldn't be Latina. There have been instances like that from his Haitian side, too many to mention. But with the Haitian side I don't always feel welcome.
As far as my family goes, they aren't as bad as his. They accepted him from day one, with some few exceptions. …Culturally there were some prejudices our families had had. When my family discovered that he was both Haitian and Colombian, they jumped to their first thoughts about those particular cultures. Which were pretty much unfair stereotypes.
RA: I'd like to go back to the problems you've had with the Haitian side of the family. Most of us light skinned people are accustomed to hearing about racism against people who are different, but you describe a racism against people who look similar, and for their similar traits. The first time I was introduced to this concept I was completely surprised, and I imagine that some of our readers are, too. What do you think spawns this kind of thinking? Why would dark-skinned people value light skin over dark?
LIBERTAD: Well in the Caribbean, especially the Spanish speaking countries, The term "Blanqueamiento" to "mejorar la raza" is a common practice. The word "Blanquemiento" means to whiten and "mejorar la raza" is "to improve the race".
What it basically means is that little brown and black kids are raised to believe that you never marry or have kids with someone darker than you. If you are black, you must be with someone white so that your children won't be "black". There are benefits to being closer to white in Latin American countries whether people want to admit it or not. Lighter skinned people are more likely to get better jobs, get treated better, you won't see black people on TV in Latin American countries and they are not taught about black history in these countries. It's a very sad reality that is engraved in our history. In these countries being white or mixed with white means you'll have an easier life than someone who doesn't. So even though it's wrong, it's never going to stop.
Looking back at Haiti's history with the Dominican Republic is painful. Here are these neighboring countries that have rifts because of race alone. In the 1930's more than 20,000 Haitians died in the Dominican Republic because of their race. I'm exposed to both cultures where I live and to be honest, it's hard sometimes to tell the difference between a Haitian and a Dominican. Why? Because both have people with deep roots in Africa. When a Dominican person gets mad at me for accusing her for a Haitian I know why. Because being Haitian means being black. Some Dominicans don't want to refer to themselves as black.
So imagine being from Haiti, how badly you're treated by people that look like you, and with the exception of language, are you. You become resentful. You become hurt. You begin to hate what you are. And that's why some darker skinned people prefer lighter skinned people. It's a sad, sad reality.
RA: That whitening business is really is sad, and reminds me of Hitler and his determination to improve the race *shiver*. As for the problem between the Haitians and Dominicans, I think it's tempting for those who aren't in the middle of the conflict to see everything in simple categories of black/white/Latino/Asian, etcetera, which clearly isn't accurate. Thank you for reminding us that the world is much bigger than we sometimes like to think. You said 'it's never going to stop'. Can you imagine any way that it could be resolved?
LIBERTAD: Can I imagine any way it's going to be resolved? That's a tough question. I think the first step is teaching young brown and black children early in schools about the contributions brown and blacks have done for their countries. I remember meeting a little Panamanian girl a few years ago(she was black btw) who wanted to be an actress. I told her that's a great idea, you'd make a wonderful performer and you know what she told me? "How can I be an actress, Soy Negra y no soy hermosa como yo(I'm Black and I'm not pretty like you are). Take in mind that she wasn't American.
In Panama, you don't really see blacks on TV. I was shocked. She thought that by the color of her skin that she couldn't do something. And I'm sure she wasn't satisfied with her looks because she was black. I kinda wanted to cry because she was so young and she felt this way about herself. She didn't think black people could be certain things because they don't learn that black is beautiful in Latin America.
We all think that Brazil is this diverse, happy place where everyone gets along because they all claim to be Brazilian and aren't defined by their races, but I just found out this year, that even that is some fantasy. Blacks are just having their "Black Pride" movement now, something here in the USA has been going on for 50+years. It's kinda crazy,lol.
Will it stop? No, not as long as white supremacy has these countries by the neck. But the same thing happens here in the USA, we just haven't named it.
RA: Thank you for sharing that. It's so sad, but maybe if more people become aware of the problem, they'll be able to do a little something to offset it. Something my husband and I both strive for in different ways is to get people to see others as equally valuable and neither inferior nor superior. The idea is that teaching the majority/'in' crowd that others are not beneath them is maybe even more valuable than teaching minorities that they are valuable. But anyway, back to your partner. You mentioned that your family had some stereotypes about Haitians and Columbians. Will you explain what you meant by that?
LIBERTAD:
Being Haitian:
That he was a practitioner of Haitian Voodoo and could not be trusted. After extensive research I later learned that Voodoo is a religion, it is not some dark art people practice to use witchcraft and make people their slaves. No, it's a legitimate way of life and beliefs. My grandmother practiced Santeria until she turned 50. Santeria a is just about the same thing as Haitian Voodoo. And no it doesn't involve shrunken heads or sticking pins in a doll. Once I explained that to them they stopped with the "You better not leave loose hairs around him, he might use them to put a spell on you". Ridiculous, right?
That he had AIDS. Which I'm not sure where that rumor came from, that all Haitians have AIDS, like who makes this stuff up?
Being Colombian:
That he can't articulate himself well in Spanish. The last time I checked, Cubans spoke the most informal Spanish out of most Latin American countries. And I was quick to tell my family that making words up on the spot does not count as proper! Cuban people have a tendency to make up words on the spot when they don't know the Spanish word for it, this is mainly Miami natives though. For example, El centro means "Downtown", in Miami downtown is now "El dountoun". That left them in silence.
That he does drugs, sells drugs, transported drugs...they just connect all drugs to Colombians. My boyfriend is American, so yeah he wasn't doing any transporting.
Colombians are gang members. Social Intimidators.
RA: As you said, stereotypes are unfair, but in his case, were your family's assumptions of your partner's genes grounded in personal experience (meaning your family had had negative interactions with people from these countries), in media, or in something else?
LIBERTAD: Well in Miami, where my family used to live, we were surrounded by a lot of Haitian and Colombian people. Miami is home to tons of immigrants. Haitians made up about 6% of the population, Colombians about 2%. That doesn't seem like a lot but it was. These were things they either heard floating around or knew people that fit their ignorant views.
Lots of times my family chooses to omit that my boyfriend is mixed race. They will simply say he is "Haitian" when he comes up in conversation because they've determined that they prefer Haitians over Colombians. It's just kind of obnoxious.
RA: You've shared some very insightful viewpoints with us, and I thank you. You have such a unique perspective on the topic of interracial relationships, and a much better grasp on their complexities than I could ever have. Still, I'll keep trying! In closing, I'll ask you this: If you could tell everyone in the world one thing on the topic of interracial relationships and be sure they would hear it, what would you tell them?
LIBERTAD: Hmmm....I suppose I would say be sure to learn something from the experience of being in an interracial couple. Everyone always says Love is love and all that stuff doesn't matter, but I think it does matter. Take the time to learn about each other's different experiences. AND LISTEN, don't ask any questions until you fully understand what is being said to you. Parts of the reason I like being in an interracial relationship is the learning experience that comes along with it. If you've learned nothing, you may have missed out on an amazing experience. There are also some downsides, so don't think being in an interracial couple makes life easier. Being in an interracial relationship can be difficult because sometimes it can alter people's perspective of you and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out why. But all in all, you just be open to learning. Never assume things.
To get weekly updates about blog posts like this one, along with news about books and Trooper, subscribe here.
July 7, 2014
Trooper on Steroids
I have a video of Trooper quoting a line from 'I'm Gonna Like Me' by Jamie Lee Curtis while on a steroid induced couch-jumping binge. He had been going at it for some time before I got the video, something like a rat in a wheel. Well, hyperactivity is preferable to many other side affects, not only because it's safer, but also because it's entertaining. If you wanted to be notified of future videos and blog posts, subscribe.
July 3, 2014
Skype With Readers?
Well, I'm not sure if it's a normal thing to do, or not, but last night I had a Skype meeting with a book club in PA. Boy, was it fun! They said they were ages 22 thorough 91, and they all read Kergulen. And they all even liked it. I loved hearing their thoughts and trying to answer their questions, and was surprised at times how much more credit they gave me than I actually deserve.
For example, they were surprised how young I am. I decided to assume this meant they thought the writing was mature :). More credit than I deserve. One woman said she could tell I knew where the stories were going the whole time, and I had a definite ending in mind...if only she knew how much time I spent trying to come up with half-way decent ending for Kergulen. Since it's really more of a beginning than an ending, it was hard. WAY more credit than I deserve.
In Kings of the Red Shell, I tried ending it at two other places before I finally chose what I did, and that was with the counsel of a good friend and beta reader. It turned out to be a very good ending, but it was by no means my first impulse. 'Kings' was difficult because I originally intended for it and Alonca's Quest to be all one book. It became clear that the book was getting way to long, and that there was an excellent stopping point after the first part of the quest, so I rethought and rewrote, and, well, there you have it. Cutting the book in half gave me more space for character development in both books, and helped me slow down and explore more directions for Alonca's Quest. The only downside was having to come up with another cover and title, and since that's done, now I can just write.
I was also surprised to learn that 'Kings' made someone blush. Did anyone else feel that way? I worked really hard to walk that fine line between too much and not enough. It's like a stinking tightrope over an alligator pit because everyone has a different standard for defining it. I'll leave it at 'Parental Guidance Suggested'.
So I should really be working on a book instead of blogging again, but I just had to write down some of my thoughts from the Skype session, and also I want to say that if you have a book club, or just some friends who have read the books, I'd be happy to set something up with you, as well. Some writers like to stay aloof and enigmatic, but you might have guessed that I'm not really like that. I'll be like, hey, do you want to meet my son? How about my dog? Ask any question you want! And if you're in town, you can come over for some grilled chicken quarters :).
Oh, and be sure to subscribe to this blog if you want regular updates about my books, family, and other related topics!
For example, they were surprised how young I am. I decided to assume this meant they thought the writing was mature :). More credit than I deserve. One woman said she could tell I knew where the stories were going the whole time, and I had a definite ending in mind...if only she knew how much time I spent trying to come up with half-way decent ending for Kergulen. Since it's really more of a beginning than an ending, it was hard. WAY more credit than I deserve.
In Kings of the Red Shell, I tried ending it at two other places before I finally chose what I did, and that was with the counsel of a good friend and beta reader. It turned out to be a very good ending, but it was by no means my first impulse. 'Kings' was difficult because I originally intended for it and Alonca's Quest to be all one book. It became clear that the book was getting way to long, and that there was an excellent stopping point after the first part of the quest, so I rethought and rewrote, and, well, there you have it. Cutting the book in half gave me more space for character development in both books, and helped me slow down and explore more directions for Alonca's Quest. The only downside was having to come up with another cover and title, and since that's done, now I can just write.
I was also surprised to learn that 'Kings' made someone blush. Did anyone else feel that way? I worked really hard to walk that fine line between too much and not enough. It's like a stinking tightrope over an alligator pit because everyone has a different standard for defining it. I'll leave it at 'Parental Guidance Suggested'.
So I should really be working on a book instead of blogging again, but I just had to write down some of my thoughts from the Skype session, and also I want to say that if you have a book club, or just some friends who have read the books, I'd be happy to set something up with you, as well. Some writers like to stay aloof and enigmatic, but you might have guessed that I'm not really like that. I'll be like, hey, do you want to meet my son? How about my dog? Ask any question you want! And if you're in town, you can come over for some grilled chicken quarters :).
Oh, and be sure to subscribe to this blog if you want regular updates about my books, family, and other related topics!
June 30, 2014
My 'Poor Thing'
So, last week I posted my sermon on not calling kids with disabilities 'poor things', and I don't take any of it back, but this week (and almost all month) my boy actually has been a poor thing, the way all kids are poor things when they're sick.Early in the month Trooper got a mild bacterial infection (otherwise known as food poisoning) that hit him much harder than it did other people because of his chronic conditions, and he ended up having to spend several hours at the ED getting IV fluids and tests. Not fun, but it happens sometimes, and after a week and a half, or so, he got over it. Then, last week he came down with another fever and sinus thing, this time a virus, which also lasted about a week and kept us home. When it was over, we were so happy to be out and about--at the festival, the park, and church--but now, three and a half days after recovering, he suffers a new malady. Last night at bed time I found bumps, like mosquito bites, all over him. They weren't red or rashy, just bumps, and they itched a lot. Now they itch more, and they've spread into a bumpy, blotchy rash. None of us got much sleep last night. The doctor says it's an allergic reaction, probably to a bug bite or poison ivy, but possibly to food. Poor kid. He got his first dose of prednisolone about an hour ago, and so far there's not much change. I took before and after pictures so I wouldn't imagine him getting better.
So bacterial infection, viral infection, and allergic reaction, all in one month. Here's hoping July is a bit more accommodating.
PS. If you think it's weird for me to post a picture of my son's rash, just chalk it up to general weirdness. Some day he's going to refer back to this for bragging rights.
June 28, 2014
Adventures at the African American Festival in Dover, DE.
Today we had the privilege of attending the African American Festival. We looked at lots of cool shops, listened to great music, and ate some fantastic food, along with seeing some friends. We also met a local author, C.N. Wynn, who writes a mid grade detective fantasy series called the Jack Taylor Cases. We bought a signed copy of the first book, and I look forward to reading it. I'm posting a couple videos here in case you want to see the festival for yourselves, and if you want to check out the book, click here, 'The Holiday Hotel'.
New 'Trooper' Page
Today I realized that I had an 'About R.A. White' page, but not one about Trooper, so I just put one up. I wrote one especially for the blog, but then I decided to post an old article I wrote for the adoption agency back when Trooper was just 14 months old. I'll also post it here for those who don't want to go looking for it.
The testimony I wrote for an adoption agency seminar, slightly updated:
For years, I've heard mothers say that their sons are 'all boy'. By this they usually mean that their sons like trucks, balls, or playing in the dirt. Maybe they like to wrestle and play rough. All of these are true of my son, Clive, but I have another reason for saying that Clive is 'all boy'. At the ripe old age of fourteen months, he somehow learned how to belch at will, and laughs his head off when he does it. If that's not stereotypically boy, I don't know what is. He also likes to jump on the bed, pull the cat's tail, and play in the dog's water bowl. In addition to these somewhat ornery activities, my Clive, whom we nick-named 'Trooper', loves to snuggle, blow kisses, stack blocks, explore the house, play baby games, go outside, visit friends, and show his favorite things to the many people who come to our house.
Trooper has a wonderful sense of humor and can be quite a ham. He's been known to make faces at the people behind me in church, and next thing I know, everyone behind me is snickering. His cheerfulness is downright contagious. He rarely cries. Nearly every morning when he wakes up, he calls out for us and then waits until we come to get him. As soon as one of us walks into his room, he will jump up to look out of the crib with a huge, excited smile on his face, and babble excitedly while we get his things together so we can get him out of bed.
I have never seen a child more filled with joy than our Trooper is. He is not even fifteen months old, and he has already learned to love life with passion. Since he came home to live with us, about six months ago, our home has overflowed with laughter and love for each other, for others, and for life. We felt that we were doing God's will when we decided to adopt a child with special needs, but we never could have predicted how much fun it would be.
Trooper has a condition called Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome. The main result of this syndrome is that his brainstem does not monitor the oxygen or carbon dioxide levels in his blood, which essentially means that he doesn't automatically know when he needs to breathe. Because of this, he is ventilator dependent. When he first came home, at eight months old, he was on the ventilator for about twenty-three hours a day. Since then, he has gotten strong enough that he only needs it when he is sleeping or not feeling well, but because of his condition he will ALWAYS need to be ventilated when he is sleeping. It took a while for doctors to figure out what was wrong with him after he was born, but they then did a tracheotomy so that he can be ventilated in the most comfortable way possible for a child. Trooper also has Hirshsprungs disease, which required a colostomy. Next summer, we plan to have the colostomy reversed so that he won't have to grow up with a colostomy bag and all that is associated with it. (He has since had his surgery. So glad that's over!)
There are some people who think it would have been better if Trooper had never been born. They would probably cite the hundreds of thousands of dollars it has cost to keep Trooper alive and healthy, not to mention the fact that it is simply more difficult, in some ways, at least, to care for a child with Trooper's needs. My husband and I had to receive a lot of training in the hospital, and even now we have nurses who watch over Trooper while we all sleep. Wherever we go, we have to pack a large load of ventilator and associated equipment, along with the 'normal' baby stuff. I have wondered if Trooper's biological mother would have still chosen to give birth to him, had she known what his condition would be. Just thinking about it is enough to make my throat tighten and my eyes start to itch. I am so, so thankful that she chose to give him life, regardless of what she knew about him. Trooper has brightened his corner of the world, and I know that he will continue to do so. His life can't be measured in dollars or trips to the pulmonologist.
Some people say that my husband and I are heroic, that it's so good of us to have adopted a child with a condition that might have been overwhelming to someone else. While I can understand what those people are trying to say, I have to say that they are wrong. Is Trooper blessed to be in a home with parents and friends who love him? Of course he is, but he's no more blessed than we are. He doesn't need us any more than we need him. And it's not just us; Trooper, along with his amazing accomplishments and super personality, has been inspiring people for longer than we have known him. He has a fan club wherever he goes. In fact, I remember one of my friends leaning over to me and saying, "I think Trooper has achieved Rock Star status."
Life with Trooper has instilled in me the knowledge that people are not their disabilities. Intellectually I had known that for a long time, but now it is part of my very world view. When you reduce people to their syndromes, or analyze their value based upon their a-typical parts, whatever they may be, you forget about their spirits, their personalities, and the joy they can bring into the world. In spite of his syndrome, Trooper reminds me every day that life is beautiful and so worth living. He reminds me that the world is full of mysteries waiting to be discovered, and also that it is full of wonderful people who will allow themselves to be inspired by a tiny child.
I don't know what Trooper will become when he grows up. Right now, I'm guessing that he'll end up doing some kind of comedy or art, or perhaps he'll teach. Of course at his age it's impossible to have a good guess. Whatever he does, he will do it with enthusiasm because that's just how he is, and how he should be.
The testimony I wrote for an adoption agency seminar, slightly updated:
For years, I've heard mothers say that their sons are 'all boy'. By this they usually mean that their sons like trucks, balls, or playing in the dirt. Maybe they like to wrestle and play rough. All of these are true of my son, Clive, but I have another reason for saying that Clive is 'all boy'. At the ripe old age of fourteen months, he somehow learned how to belch at will, and laughs his head off when he does it. If that's not stereotypically boy, I don't know what is. He also likes to jump on the bed, pull the cat's tail, and play in the dog's water bowl. In addition to these somewhat ornery activities, my Clive, whom we nick-named 'Trooper', loves to snuggle, blow kisses, stack blocks, explore the house, play baby games, go outside, visit friends, and show his favorite things to the many people who come to our house.
Trooper has a wonderful sense of humor and can be quite a ham. He's been known to make faces at the people behind me in church, and next thing I know, everyone behind me is snickering. His cheerfulness is downright contagious. He rarely cries. Nearly every morning when he wakes up, he calls out for us and then waits until we come to get him. As soon as one of us walks into his room, he will jump up to look out of the crib with a huge, excited smile on his face, and babble excitedly while we get his things together so we can get him out of bed.
I have never seen a child more filled with joy than our Trooper is. He is not even fifteen months old, and he has already learned to love life with passion. Since he came home to live with us, about six months ago, our home has overflowed with laughter and love for each other, for others, and for life. We felt that we were doing God's will when we decided to adopt a child with special needs, but we never could have predicted how much fun it would be.
Trooper has a condition called Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome. The main result of this syndrome is that his brainstem does not monitor the oxygen or carbon dioxide levels in his blood, which essentially means that he doesn't automatically know when he needs to breathe. Because of this, he is ventilator dependent. When he first came home, at eight months old, he was on the ventilator for about twenty-three hours a day. Since then, he has gotten strong enough that he only needs it when he is sleeping or not feeling well, but because of his condition he will ALWAYS need to be ventilated when he is sleeping. It took a while for doctors to figure out what was wrong with him after he was born, but they then did a tracheotomy so that he can be ventilated in the most comfortable way possible for a child. Trooper also has Hirshsprungs disease, which required a colostomy. Next summer, we plan to have the colostomy reversed so that he won't have to grow up with a colostomy bag and all that is associated with it. (He has since had his surgery. So glad that's over!)
There are some people who think it would have been better if Trooper had never been born. They would probably cite the hundreds of thousands of dollars it has cost to keep Trooper alive and healthy, not to mention the fact that it is simply more difficult, in some ways, at least, to care for a child with Trooper's needs. My husband and I had to receive a lot of training in the hospital, and even now we have nurses who watch over Trooper while we all sleep. Wherever we go, we have to pack a large load of ventilator and associated equipment, along with the 'normal' baby stuff. I have wondered if Trooper's biological mother would have still chosen to give birth to him, had she known what his condition would be. Just thinking about it is enough to make my throat tighten and my eyes start to itch. I am so, so thankful that she chose to give him life, regardless of what she knew about him. Trooper has brightened his corner of the world, and I know that he will continue to do so. His life can't be measured in dollars or trips to the pulmonologist.
Some people say that my husband and I are heroic, that it's so good of us to have adopted a child with a condition that might have been overwhelming to someone else. While I can understand what those people are trying to say, I have to say that they are wrong. Is Trooper blessed to be in a home with parents and friends who love him? Of course he is, but he's no more blessed than we are. He doesn't need us any more than we need him. And it's not just us; Trooper, along with his amazing accomplishments and super personality, has been inspiring people for longer than we have known him. He has a fan club wherever he goes. In fact, I remember one of my friends leaning over to me and saying, "I think Trooper has achieved Rock Star status."
Life with Trooper has instilled in me the knowledge that people are not their disabilities. Intellectually I had known that for a long time, but now it is part of my very world view. When you reduce people to their syndromes, or analyze their value based upon their a-typical parts, whatever they may be, you forget about their spirits, their personalities, and the joy they can bring into the world. In spite of his syndrome, Trooper reminds me every day that life is beautiful and so worth living. He reminds me that the world is full of mysteries waiting to be discovered, and also that it is full of wonderful people who will allow themselves to be inspired by a tiny child.
I don't know what Trooper will become when he grows up. Right now, I'm guessing that he'll end up doing some kind of comedy or art, or perhaps he'll teach. Of course at his age it's impossible to have a good guess. Whatever he does, he will do it with enthusiasm because that's just how he is, and how he should be.
June 23, 2014
He is NOT a 'Poor Thing'; What Not to Say to a Child With a Disability
The following are examples of things people have actually said to me or my son on several occasions, shared in an effort to educate you on how to interact with people who have disabilities. I don't have a degree in psychology, just some personal experience.
1. What's wrong with him? This is the most common negative reaction we have to Trooper's disability. I want to say, "Nothing, what's wrong with you?", but so far I've maintained self-control. Just think for a moment how you would feel if three times a week someone asked what was wrong with you! I just answer, "Nothing, he's fine." I pretend like I don't even know what they're talking about. Then, if they ask a specific question like, "Well, what's that in his neck?" I'll give a real answer. But really, unless you know someone on a deeper than surface level, there's no reason to ask about their disability. Try something like, "Aren't you a cutie!" or "I love your hair!" instead. Most people do, and I love them for it.
2. How is his brain? Does he have cognitive problems? Really? Why would you ask that in front of a child? Again, unless you're a teacher or medical professional, there's probably no reason for you to need that information, anyway, but if you must ask, at least don't do it in front of the kid. How would you feel if people questioned your IQ in front of you? You would wonder what it was about you that made people think you must be impaired. As my friend, Jenn, said, just because you broke your foot doesn't mean your brain doesn't work.
3. He's so lucky to have good parents like you. This is a well-meaning mistake made by lots of very nice people. Don't feel bad about saying it, just don't say it again J. This statement implies that the child is inherently less worthy of having great parents than other children are. Rather than deserving them, he's lucky to have them. Only exceptional parents could love him. See what I mean? You could always say something like, "You're such a perfect family", "God knew what he was doing when he put you together", or "You're so lucky to have such a great son".
4. Oh, you poor thing. The way I see it, this is the number one negative comment, the worst thing you could ever say to anyone. The day after I was talking to some friends about writing this, a woman said this to my son. I gently corrected her, fake smiling and saying, "No, he's fine," but when I tried to move on, she repeated it. When I saw the look on Trooper's face I knew I couldn't let it go. I turned to the woman and I said, "You know, that's really insulting. He's not a poor thing. It's insulting to say that! No one needs to be pitied." She tried to justify herself by insisting that he was indeed a poor thing, and I turned him around and walked away.
My child is a tough guy. In his almost four years he's already endured more than most Americans ever will, and he's still spunky, silly, smart, handsome, and stubborn at times. He loves heavy machinery, stealing peoples' seats, belching contests, books, and any sort of mischief. He's the most outgoing and accepting person I've ever met, and for a three-year-old, I think he's remarkably aware of what's going on around him. He is NOT a poor thing.
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1. What's wrong with him? This is the most common negative reaction we have to Trooper's disability. I want to say, "Nothing, what's wrong with you?", but so far I've maintained self-control. Just think for a moment how you would feel if three times a week someone asked what was wrong with you! I just answer, "Nothing, he's fine." I pretend like I don't even know what they're talking about. Then, if they ask a specific question like, "Well, what's that in his neck?" I'll give a real answer. But really, unless you know someone on a deeper than surface level, there's no reason to ask about their disability. Try something like, "Aren't you a cutie!" or "I love your hair!" instead. Most people do, and I love them for it.
2. How is his brain? Does he have cognitive problems? Really? Why would you ask that in front of a child? Again, unless you're a teacher or medical professional, there's probably no reason for you to need that information, anyway, but if you must ask, at least don't do it in front of the kid. How would you feel if people questioned your IQ in front of you? You would wonder what it was about you that made people think you must be impaired. As my friend, Jenn, said, just because you broke your foot doesn't mean your brain doesn't work.
3. He's so lucky to have good parents like you. This is a well-meaning mistake made by lots of very nice people. Don't feel bad about saying it, just don't say it again J. This statement implies that the child is inherently less worthy of having great parents than other children are. Rather than deserving them, he's lucky to have them. Only exceptional parents could love him. See what I mean? You could always say something like, "You're such a perfect family", "God knew what he was doing when he put you together", or "You're so lucky to have such a great son".
4. Oh, you poor thing. The way I see it, this is the number one negative comment, the worst thing you could ever say to anyone. The day after I was talking to some friends about writing this, a woman said this to my son. I gently corrected her, fake smiling and saying, "No, he's fine," but when I tried to move on, she repeated it. When I saw the look on Trooper's face I knew I couldn't let it go. I turned to the woman and I said, "You know, that's really insulting. He's not a poor thing. It's insulting to say that! No one needs to be pitied." She tried to justify herself by insisting that he was indeed a poor thing, and I turned him around and walked away.
My child is a tough guy. In his almost four years he's already endured more than most Americans ever will, and he's still spunky, silly, smart, handsome, and stubborn at times. He loves heavy machinery, stealing peoples' seats, belching contests, books, and any sort of mischief. He's the most outgoing and accepting person I've ever met, and for a three-year-old, I think he's remarkably aware of what's going on around him. He is NOT a poor thing.
For weekly email notices of articles, videos, and book news, subscribe to rawhitebooksandmore.
June 20, 2014
Trooper and the Chickens
Just a cute little video of Trooper at the farm, feeding chickens.
