Kristi Cramer's Blog: Bounded in a Nutshell, page 13
March 17, 2014
On Walking Someone Else’s Dog
I mentioned earlier that my mom was going to have knee replacement surgery, and I was going to be her caregiver. The surgery was two weeks ago today, and Mom is doing great. Not up and running marathons, like she seems to think she ought to be able to do by now, but for a 78-year-old, she is a rock star.
One of my easiest duties as caregiver is to take Mom’s dog for a walk, twice a day. We’re not sure what breed she is—she looks like a Golden Retriever, but in miniature—but she has a sweet disposition and has been a great companion for Mom. She is peculiar in one respect: she won’t do her business in the yard, and so she must be walked. This has been great for making sure Mom gets her exercise, and giving her reasons to socialize with the neighbors. The downside is that Ada (the dog) must go twice a day, every day, rain or shine. At ungodly hours for a night owl like me.
I tend to stay up well past midnight writing or proofreading, and left to my own devices, I get up around 8:30 or so. But Ada wants to be fed at 7 and walked by 8 at the latest. Mom has been able to feed her, but I’ve barely been able to drag my butt out of bed to get out the door by 8. I walk her as late as possible in the evenings, but this time of year it has still been over 12 hours since she’s been out, so I do feel for her, and I try.
One interesting thing about walking someone else’s dog is the people I meet.
Now, Ada is not always friendly with every dog she meets, so I never assume the pug or yorkie or hound coming up on us is a friend. Most times they pass without incident. But whether or not the dogs are friendly, almost everyone we come across knows my mom. And they ask me how she is, where she is, and how the surgery went. It is gratifying that so many people know and care about Mom, and tell me to tell her that “Winsow’s mom says hello,” or “Dakota and I are praying for her.” (We all seem to remember the dog’s name before the people’s names.)
Since I am not a morning person, I also look for the blessings in getting up so early, and I find it very peaceful to walk in the quiet of the morning. Mom lives near a sweet little park that features lovely magnolia trees, which are in bloom right now. Everything changes so much this time of year. I can walk by a bare tree in the morning and by the afternoon the leaf buds will be pushing, and the next morning it will be leafed out. A magnolia will be full of fuzzy pods one trip, then 11 hours later they will be open and displaying beautiful blooms. Dewdrops and birdsong in the morning, sunset colors in the evening. Clouds as a backdrop, blue sky, green green grass. It is all splendid, all glorious, and seemingly all mine. It is a blessed escape from the cares of the world, a timeless bubble impervious to the tragedy, anger, politics, and madness that seem to be crashing against the rocks of reality, driving me to distraction when I let it.
We anticipate the doctor will tell us tomorrow that Mom doesn’t need live-in care any longer, and I will be able to go home, just stopping in every couple days to help her do the things she can’t do herself. The dog walks will pass on to helpful neighbors, and I will get to sleep in again. At least until I get back on the truck next month.
I have to confess, part of me will miss the daily walks with Ada. But I do miss my own bed, and my lazy mornings.
I wanted to post some pictures from my walks, but I can't seem to link to a facebook pics, so here's a link to my author page, and you can see the link to the album there. Enjoy!
https://www.facebook.com/KristiCramer...
One of my easiest duties as caregiver is to take Mom’s dog for a walk, twice a day. We’re not sure what breed she is—she looks like a Golden Retriever, but in miniature—but she has a sweet disposition and has been a great companion for Mom. She is peculiar in one respect: she won’t do her business in the yard, and so she must be walked. This has been great for making sure Mom gets her exercise, and giving her reasons to socialize with the neighbors. The downside is that Ada (the dog) must go twice a day, every day, rain or shine. At ungodly hours for a night owl like me.
I tend to stay up well past midnight writing or proofreading, and left to my own devices, I get up around 8:30 or so. But Ada wants to be fed at 7 and walked by 8 at the latest. Mom has been able to feed her, but I’ve barely been able to drag my butt out of bed to get out the door by 8. I walk her as late as possible in the evenings, but this time of year it has still been over 12 hours since she’s been out, so I do feel for her, and I try.
One interesting thing about walking someone else’s dog is the people I meet.
Now, Ada is not always friendly with every dog she meets, so I never assume the pug or yorkie or hound coming up on us is a friend. Most times they pass without incident. But whether or not the dogs are friendly, almost everyone we come across knows my mom. And they ask me how she is, where she is, and how the surgery went. It is gratifying that so many people know and care about Mom, and tell me to tell her that “Winsow’s mom says hello,” or “Dakota and I are praying for her.” (We all seem to remember the dog’s name before the people’s names.)
Since I am not a morning person, I also look for the blessings in getting up so early, and I find it very peaceful to walk in the quiet of the morning. Mom lives near a sweet little park that features lovely magnolia trees, which are in bloom right now. Everything changes so much this time of year. I can walk by a bare tree in the morning and by the afternoon the leaf buds will be pushing, and the next morning it will be leafed out. A magnolia will be full of fuzzy pods one trip, then 11 hours later they will be open and displaying beautiful blooms. Dewdrops and birdsong in the morning, sunset colors in the evening. Clouds as a backdrop, blue sky, green green grass. It is all splendid, all glorious, and seemingly all mine. It is a blessed escape from the cares of the world, a timeless bubble impervious to the tragedy, anger, politics, and madness that seem to be crashing against the rocks of reality, driving me to distraction when I let it.
We anticipate the doctor will tell us tomorrow that Mom doesn’t need live-in care any longer, and I will be able to go home, just stopping in every couple days to help her do the things she can’t do herself. The dog walks will pass on to helpful neighbors, and I will get to sleep in again. At least until I get back on the truck next month.
I have to confess, part of me will miss the daily walks with Ada. But I do miss my own bed, and my lazy mornings.
I wanted to post some pictures from my walks, but I can't seem to link to a facebook pics, so here's a link to my author page, and you can see the link to the album there. Enjoy!
https://www.facebook.com/KristiCramer...
March 10, 2014
When Did ‘We’ Get So Touchy? (In Defense of the Personal Opinion)
Or: (Not Every Negative Review is Bullying)
First of all, this post is not meant to suggest that there is ‘no such thing’ as literary cyber-bullying (as a distinction from other forms of cyber-bullying that I have no experience with), or that literary cyber-bullying is not a very real problem. It is. I have seen it happen. But I have also seen a trend of "instant touchiness" in the literary bullying events I have watched unfold.
Personally, I have no problem with someone posting a low star rating with no review, or a review that tears my work to shreds, or even attacks me in a direct or indirect way. I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I suck it up and move on. I have my tricks to help myself get over it (like looking for something that will help me improve my work, or noticing, 'hey, that person gave Mark Twain a 2 star review, too!) but these things are not the reviewer's responsibility to provide.
To me, someone leaving an honest review--even if it says 'I have not and will never read this book because...'--is just a fact of being a writer and a risk of putting my work out there for the world to see.
I try to remember that with the written word, tone is very easy to misread and project my own judgment upon. So I try my best to assume the person writing is coming from a position of neutrality. And if there is no question about their feelings, I do my best not to take their words personally, because it is more about the reviewer than it is about me, as long as I don’t add myself into their words by replying.
Any published author is (dare I say) becoming a celebrity in at least a small degree, and as such, needs to develop a tough skin or they really have no business publishing their work. Not everyone is going to love their book, and that is a fact. Even Stephen King, J.K. Rowling and Shakespeare have negative reviews.
The reviewer, in posting a review, is also offering their words up to public opinion, just by virtue of being on the internet. Not everyone is going to love what they have to say about the book they are reviewing. They would surely benefit from a thick skin, too, or maybe they should think twice about posting their review for everyone to see.
But offering a simple opinion often turns sour when someone takes another person’s opinion personally. I shake my head when ANYONE, including and especially the AUTHOR, jumps in and puts the reviewer down for expressing their opinion. It is an opinion, and everyone has the right to have and express one. Some people choose to be more blunt and/or harsh about it, but that reveals more about them than it does about the work they are reviewing.
So often what could be an interesting discussion on differences of opinion becomes a slugfest, resulting in some horrible things being said under the flag of anonymity that the internet provides. This anonymity allows people to write things that they would never say in person--which is both the beauty and the terror of the internet.
What confounds and astounds and disheartens and amazes me is when what could be an enlightening discussion turns into a crapfest of people slinging insults at each other, and it goes on for days, and hundreds of posts, with everyone so defensive and trying to prove their point until no one can be heard in the cacophony of words.... That, to me, is literary bullying at its worst, and often there are authors who join in the fray, hurling mean-spirited words with wild abandon, or sometimes even making a misguided attempt to bring rationality to an irrational situation.
The other disappointing aspect of the simple review that turns into an orgy of hate and apoplexy is when not only the initial reviewer (if they hadn’t already done so) and all the people who ‘side with’ them in the brawl, go out and hit any author who disagrees with them with a rash of one star ratings and/or shelve their books on virtual shelves with truly eye-popping names meant to express their disgust and/or fury at being disagreed with. Shelf names are basically another a form of expressing an opinion, buried in several more layers of anonymity. I can’t take those personally, either.
What I find most distressing about the shelves is that they are there forever, unless removed by site moderators. Even if the person who shelved it changes their mind and takes the author off their ‘shitlist’, the shelf remains, as “-1 user shelved this book as....”
Once upon a time, people could disagree without having the end result be a bullying session gone wild. Once upon a time, disagreements could unfold and be worked out, and then disappear down the ages, the vitriol having only gone so far. (Not all, of course. Hatfields and McCoys, anyone?) And maybe the great debate about literary bullying will, too. As the world gets smaller and more and more people can be involved in other people’s lives on a rather microscopic level, the more people will either need to grow a thicker skin, or be miserable living in, and taking personally, the judgment of others.
Again, I’m not condoning literary (or any) bullying, but I do think the line between personal opinion and bullying is a little farther out than a lot of victims think, and taking up arms to defend against a negative review or rating really just makes the situation escalate that much faster. Let’s face it, we live in a time when people are tired of feeling compelled to be “P.C.” when posting their opinions. And some people even feed off the drama created when they fail to act with “correct” manners. The fastest way to shut people up is to not give them anything to feed on. Like the fisherman who goes fishing at the wrong time, and the fish refuse to bite. Like the toddler whining for attention; ignore them and they will go off and find someone else who will listen, or they’ll get bored and move on to something else.
I love that America is still the “Land of the Free” and I would hate to see censorship become a reality. That being said, I wish people could learn to moderate themselves, because having the right to your opinion is closely tied to the ability to hurt with your words. It may not be the reviewer’s ‘problem’ if the author gets hurt, but the atmosphere it creates affects everyone, and wouldn’t the world be a happier place if fewer people were hurting?
In summary, I call on us all to remember the immortal words of Rodney King: “Can’t we all just get along?”
First of all, this post is not meant to suggest that there is ‘no such thing’ as literary cyber-bullying (as a distinction from other forms of cyber-bullying that I have no experience with), or that literary cyber-bullying is not a very real problem. It is. I have seen it happen. But I have also seen a trend of "instant touchiness" in the literary bullying events I have watched unfold.
Personally, I have no problem with someone posting a low star rating with no review, or a review that tears my work to shreds, or even attacks me in a direct or indirect way. I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I suck it up and move on. I have my tricks to help myself get over it (like looking for something that will help me improve my work, or noticing, 'hey, that person gave Mark Twain a 2 star review, too!) but these things are not the reviewer's responsibility to provide.
To me, someone leaving an honest review--even if it says 'I have not and will never read this book because...'--is just a fact of being a writer and a risk of putting my work out there for the world to see.
I try to remember that with the written word, tone is very easy to misread and project my own judgment upon. So I try my best to assume the person writing is coming from a position of neutrality. And if there is no question about their feelings, I do my best not to take their words personally, because it is more about the reviewer than it is about me, as long as I don’t add myself into their words by replying.
Any published author is (dare I say) becoming a celebrity in at least a small degree, and as such, needs to develop a tough skin or they really have no business publishing their work. Not everyone is going to love their book, and that is a fact. Even Stephen King, J.K. Rowling and Shakespeare have negative reviews.
The reviewer, in posting a review, is also offering their words up to public opinion, just by virtue of being on the internet. Not everyone is going to love what they have to say about the book they are reviewing. They would surely benefit from a thick skin, too, or maybe they should think twice about posting their review for everyone to see.
But offering a simple opinion often turns sour when someone takes another person’s opinion personally. I shake my head when ANYONE, including and especially the AUTHOR, jumps in and puts the reviewer down for expressing their opinion. It is an opinion, and everyone has the right to have and express one. Some people choose to be more blunt and/or harsh about it, but that reveals more about them than it does about the work they are reviewing.
So often what could be an interesting discussion on differences of opinion becomes a slugfest, resulting in some horrible things being said under the flag of anonymity that the internet provides. This anonymity allows people to write things that they would never say in person--which is both the beauty and the terror of the internet.
What confounds and astounds and disheartens and amazes me is when what could be an enlightening discussion turns into a crapfest of people slinging insults at each other, and it goes on for days, and hundreds of posts, with everyone so defensive and trying to prove their point until no one can be heard in the cacophony of words.... That, to me, is literary bullying at its worst, and often there are authors who join in the fray, hurling mean-spirited words with wild abandon, or sometimes even making a misguided attempt to bring rationality to an irrational situation.
The other disappointing aspect of the simple review that turns into an orgy of hate and apoplexy is when not only the initial reviewer (if they hadn’t already done so) and all the people who ‘side with’ them in the brawl, go out and hit any author who disagrees with them with a rash of one star ratings and/or shelve their books on virtual shelves with truly eye-popping names meant to express their disgust and/or fury at being disagreed with. Shelf names are basically another a form of expressing an opinion, buried in several more layers of anonymity. I can’t take those personally, either.
What I find most distressing about the shelves is that they are there forever, unless removed by site moderators. Even if the person who shelved it changes their mind and takes the author off their ‘shitlist’, the shelf remains, as “-1 user shelved this book as....”
Once upon a time, people could disagree without having the end result be a bullying session gone wild. Once upon a time, disagreements could unfold and be worked out, and then disappear down the ages, the vitriol having only gone so far. (Not all, of course. Hatfields and McCoys, anyone?) And maybe the great debate about literary bullying will, too. As the world gets smaller and more and more people can be involved in other people’s lives on a rather microscopic level, the more people will either need to grow a thicker skin, or be miserable living in, and taking personally, the judgment of others.
Again, I’m not condoning literary (or any) bullying, but I do think the line between personal opinion and bullying is a little farther out than a lot of victims think, and taking up arms to defend against a negative review or rating really just makes the situation escalate that much faster. Let’s face it, we live in a time when people are tired of feeling compelled to be “P.C.” when posting their opinions. And some people even feed off the drama created when they fail to act with “correct” manners. The fastest way to shut people up is to not give them anything to feed on. Like the fisherman who goes fishing at the wrong time, and the fish refuse to bite. Like the toddler whining for attention; ignore them and they will go off and find someone else who will listen, or they’ll get bored and move on to something else.
I love that America is still the “Land of the Free” and I would hate to see censorship become a reality. That being said, I wish people could learn to moderate themselves, because having the right to your opinion is closely tied to the ability to hurt with your words. It may not be the reviewer’s ‘problem’ if the author gets hurt, but the atmosphere it creates affects everyone, and wouldn’t the world be a happier place if fewer people were hurting?
In summary, I call on us all to remember the immortal words of Rodney King: “Can’t we all just get along?”
March 3, 2014
On Being Dragged Forward by Cloud Technology, Kicking and Screaming
I consider myself fairly tech-savvy. When I worked in an office, I was the unofficial go-to gal for folks when the IT department was too busy (or too full of jargon) to help. I know a lot about MS Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, and various industry specialized software. I can usually help someone figure out what is going on with their file and get it fixed (with the exception of some really complicated formulae in Excel.)
I have apps enough that I can run my trucking company without ever having to print documents while I’m on the road. There’s “Sign my Pad”, a fax to email service, Polaris Office, to name a few. Receipts go into Quickbooks, Payroll is done on Medlin software....
I have self-published 4 titles, including one of Poetry, complete with pictures. I successfully uploaded them to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and AllRomanceeBooks. I’m in the process of formatting for Smashwords.
I say all this to show that I’m kind of a computer power-user. I don’t know much code—just a few html tags to make things bold or italic. But when it comes to using stuff, I’m not afraid to jump in there and try it out. Help desks love me because I already know where a lot of their tools are located.
The exception has been ‘Cloud’ technology. I have been reluctant to use “the Cloud” for fear of exposing my data to unscrupulous hackers and data thieves. But I recently took the plunge and downloaded the DropBox app to my phone. I was looking for an easy way to transfer a picture I had taken with my phone so I could tweet it. I know, I could simply use the Twitter app, but I have resisted adding it to my phone because I don’t want the temptation/distraction available on my phone. (I have Twitter on my laptop and tablet; I don’t need it on my phone, too.)
I figured it couldn’t hurt to put a photo of my roommate’s cat out in ‘the Cloud.’ After all, I was about to Tweet it to my followers, right? So I downloaded the app to my phone, then to my laptop and my tablet. Bam. I was able to tweet the photo without having to add Twitter to my phone, which has the best quality camera. (See the tweet at https://twitter.com/KacyAuthor/status... )
Since then, I have learned I can use DropBox to transfer books I have downloaded on my laptop to my tablet without having to hook the tablet up by cable, simply by exporting the file from DropBox to my Kindle app. I am officially a fan. I have been struggling to find an easy way to do this since I started selling my books on my website!
There are lots of Cloud-type apps out there, now. I just happened to land on DropBox and have been pleasantly surprised at how simple it is to use.
As with most things I have to get dragged kicking and screaming into, I am a (conditional) convert. I still will not store any sensitive data ‘out there’. I don’t believe there is any place off-site that is secure against those who want to access it without my knowledge or permission. But I am thinking of many other ways I can utilize this app.
What’s next for me? Should I try to learn code? Create an app of my own that facebook will buy for billions of dollars? Sure. Why not? ;-)
I have apps enough that I can run my trucking company without ever having to print documents while I’m on the road. There’s “Sign my Pad”, a fax to email service, Polaris Office, to name a few. Receipts go into Quickbooks, Payroll is done on Medlin software....
I have self-published 4 titles, including one of Poetry, complete with pictures. I successfully uploaded them to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and AllRomanceeBooks. I’m in the process of formatting for Smashwords.
I say all this to show that I’m kind of a computer power-user. I don’t know much code—just a few html tags to make things bold or italic. But when it comes to using stuff, I’m not afraid to jump in there and try it out. Help desks love me because I already know where a lot of their tools are located.
The exception has been ‘Cloud’ technology. I have been reluctant to use “the Cloud” for fear of exposing my data to unscrupulous hackers and data thieves. But I recently took the plunge and downloaded the DropBox app to my phone. I was looking for an easy way to transfer a picture I had taken with my phone so I could tweet it. I know, I could simply use the Twitter app, but I have resisted adding it to my phone because I don’t want the temptation/distraction available on my phone. (I have Twitter on my laptop and tablet; I don’t need it on my phone, too.)
I figured it couldn’t hurt to put a photo of my roommate’s cat out in ‘the Cloud.’ After all, I was about to Tweet it to my followers, right? So I downloaded the app to my phone, then to my laptop and my tablet. Bam. I was able to tweet the photo without having to add Twitter to my phone, which has the best quality camera. (See the tweet at https://twitter.com/KacyAuthor/status... )
Since then, I have learned I can use DropBox to transfer books I have downloaded on my laptop to my tablet without having to hook the tablet up by cable, simply by exporting the file from DropBox to my Kindle app. I am officially a fan. I have been struggling to find an easy way to do this since I started selling my books on my website!
There are lots of Cloud-type apps out there, now. I just happened to land on DropBox and have been pleasantly surprised at how simple it is to use.
As with most things I have to get dragged kicking and screaming into, I am a (conditional) convert. I still will not store any sensitive data ‘out there’. I don’t believe there is any place off-site that is secure against those who want to access it without my knowledge or permission. But I am thinking of many other ways I can utilize this app.
What’s next for me? Should I try to learn code? Create an app of my own that facebook will buy for billions of dollars? Sure. Why not? ;-)
February 24, 2014
On Being a Terrified Caregiver
So my mom is going in for knee replacement surgery a week from today. She chose to do it now, while I am ‘home for the winter’ so that I could care for her while she is recovering. She asked if I was willing, and I said ‘sure thing’.
Now, people who know me are probably scratching their heads right now. On one hand, why wouldn’t I agree to help? Out of her seven kids, I’m an obvious choice since I work from home and ‘home’ can be wherever I have an internet connection. But on the other hand, I am the kind of person who says “How can I support you without actually having to, you know, be there, near you?”
In general, I don’t do caregiving.
It’s not a lack of compassion. It is...well. It's a kind of terror. My first instinct is to run away. Pain makes me uncomfortable. Other people’s pain, that is. I have a fairly high pain threshold myself, as long as I’m allowed to whine about it. But other people’s pain?
When Mom was in hospital after her colon cancer surgery, I visited before her pain was really under control. I thought I was going to throw up, I was so upset. I wanted to drag a nurse into her room to give her drugs immediately. And I wanted drugs of my own to calm me down.
As her knee surgery approaches, I have moments of wondering what on earth I was thinking.
Now, I know she will have ~3 days in hospital before she comes home, and nurses and therapists coming to the house to change dressings and that sort of thing. So really all I will be doing is running errands and being her go-fer. Walking the dog. Being there in case she needs help. Being a companion. Actually being there really will be fine.
It is the anticipation that makes me wonder, and worry, and question the decision that led to me being ‘the one.’ That is a lack of confidence. I worry I will say or do the wrong thing, something to make matters worse. That I won't be in the right place to stop a fall. That I won't notice a serious problem....
I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want to let Mom down. She has always been rock solid, and to have her wellbeing in any way dependent on me is rather frightening.
But it will be fine. A fine, stretchy experience for me. Really.
Now, people who know me are probably scratching their heads right now. On one hand, why wouldn’t I agree to help? Out of her seven kids, I’m an obvious choice since I work from home and ‘home’ can be wherever I have an internet connection. But on the other hand, I am the kind of person who says “How can I support you without actually having to, you know, be there, near you?”
In general, I don’t do caregiving.
It’s not a lack of compassion. It is...well. It's a kind of terror. My first instinct is to run away. Pain makes me uncomfortable. Other people’s pain, that is. I have a fairly high pain threshold myself, as long as I’m allowed to whine about it. But other people’s pain?
When Mom was in hospital after her colon cancer surgery, I visited before her pain was really under control. I thought I was going to throw up, I was so upset. I wanted to drag a nurse into her room to give her drugs immediately. And I wanted drugs of my own to calm me down.
As her knee surgery approaches, I have moments of wondering what on earth I was thinking.
Now, I know she will have ~3 days in hospital before she comes home, and nurses and therapists coming to the house to change dressings and that sort of thing. So really all I will be doing is running errands and being her go-fer. Walking the dog. Being there in case she needs help. Being a companion. Actually being there really will be fine.
It is the anticipation that makes me wonder, and worry, and question the decision that led to me being ‘the one.’ That is a lack of confidence. I worry I will say or do the wrong thing, something to make matters worse. That I won't be in the right place to stop a fall. That I won't notice a serious problem....
I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want to let Mom down. She has always been rock solid, and to have her wellbeing in any way dependent on me is rather frightening.
But it will be fine. A fine, stretchy experience for me. Really.
February 17, 2014
On Suddenly Being a Stepmom
So I met my husband 10 years ago this month. We got married just over a year later, and have gone about living our lives in a very simple way.
We work, we live, we run a business together. Well, okay, maybe it isn't always simple. But we knew right away that we weren't going to have kids together.
While I knew he had 3 sons from an earlier marriage, it was a difficult divorce and their stepfather had adopted the boys and their mother made it impossible for my hubby to see them. So even though it was very hard on him, when I met him he hadn't seen his kids in years.
Even though he is not big on social media, he started a facebook profile on the off chance that his boys might want to contact him. And last year, they finally did.
It was so wonderful to see him reconnect with them, all grown men living their own lives. The oldest just turned 27, while the middle son is 25, and the youngest is 23.
And I am a stepmom, at least in the literal sense. I don't feel like a mom. I don't have some desire to mother them or meddle in their lives. They are great kids, and I enjoy spending time with them.
Now Jeremy, the oldest, is moving 1100 miles away to Wyoming for a job, and his dad wanted to give him a pistol and a hunting rifle as a congratulatory gift. Today we took the pistol to a gun range and shot up a few boxes of ammo, and then I took him shopping for some road-food. And I got just a small taste of what it might be like to have a son of my own.
No, I'm not feeling wistful and my biological clock isn't trying to shake off cobwebs so it can start ticking. I do not want kids of my own. But today, when I wrote it out in a letter that I was gifting these firearms to my stepson, (to make sure no one thinks he stole them) it was weird to me. I think it was weird for him, too.
I mean, I was married to my husband for 8 years without ever even having met his boys, and now I am a stepmom. With two of them getting married this year, there's a very real possibility I could be a step-grandmother in the near future. Holy shit. Just writing that out is freaky.
I just don't know how I feel about it. I'm not worried about anything, just kind of amazed at how things can change in the blink of an eye. In a way, it's like the old joke: if I had known how much fun grandchildren were, I would have had them first. That's me, or surely will be in a year or three. Now I'm starting to feel like a genius.
Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation? Not asking for advice - just want to hear your story if you have one.
We work, we live, we run a business together. Well, okay, maybe it isn't always simple. But we knew right away that we weren't going to have kids together.
While I knew he had 3 sons from an earlier marriage, it was a difficult divorce and their stepfather had adopted the boys and their mother made it impossible for my hubby to see them. So even though it was very hard on him, when I met him he hadn't seen his kids in years.
Even though he is not big on social media, he started a facebook profile on the off chance that his boys might want to contact him. And last year, they finally did.
It was so wonderful to see him reconnect with them, all grown men living their own lives. The oldest just turned 27, while the middle son is 25, and the youngest is 23.
And I am a stepmom, at least in the literal sense. I don't feel like a mom. I don't have some desire to mother them or meddle in their lives. They are great kids, and I enjoy spending time with them.
Now Jeremy, the oldest, is moving 1100 miles away to Wyoming for a job, and his dad wanted to give him a pistol and a hunting rifle as a congratulatory gift. Today we took the pistol to a gun range and shot up a few boxes of ammo, and then I took him shopping for some road-food. And I got just a small taste of what it might be like to have a son of my own.
No, I'm not feeling wistful and my biological clock isn't trying to shake off cobwebs so it can start ticking. I do not want kids of my own. But today, when I wrote it out in a letter that I was gifting these firearms to my stepson, (to make sure no one thinks he stole them) it was weird to me. I think it was weird for him, too.
I mean, I was married to my husband for 8 years without ever even having met his boys, and now I am a stepmom. With two of them getting married this year, there's a very real possibility I could be a step-grandmother in the near future. Holy shit. Just writing that out is freaky.
I just don't know how I feel about it. I'm not worried about anything, just kind of amazed at how things can change in the blink of an eye. In a way, it's like the old joke: if I had known how much fun grandchildren were, I would have had them first. That's me, or surely will be in a year or three. Now I'm starting to feel like a genius.
Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation? Not asking for advice - just want to hear your story if you have one.
January 28, 2014
Deep Thought for the Day
In general, I try to avoid getting political on social media. I can do without the drama. But I recently engaged in a thread on facebook that really helped me crystallize something I have thought for years, but never knew how to explain.
The thread was in response to the case of the woman in Texas who died, and everyone agreed that she was dead, but her body was kept functioning to benefit the 14 week fetus she was carrying at the time of her death. The woman’s body was kept functioning for two months before the court ordered that the family could have the machines turned off.
The discussion could be boiled down to this: when is it okay for a baby to die?
I will probably catch some heat for this, but I personally believe the hospital was in the wrong to resuscitate her body, and that they had misinterpreted the new law. I found the situation creepy and horrifying, and I would never want to be put in a position to have to make a decision in a case like this.
My family had to pull the plug on my father and it was awful, but all of us agreed that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think that you can truly know what you would do in that situation until you have stood at a dead person’s bedside. I have been there, and I have no regrets.
But this case involved a fetus. A potential human being. And here’s the thing:
I believe God’s gift of life has more purpose than merely growing up to procreate more life. Animals live to procreate. How are we different if we believe that the only reason we are here is to create more life? If my sole mission in life is to be a parent, and my child’s sole mission in life is to be a parent, and their children’s sole mission.... Humans are unique on Earth because we have the ability and the desire to do more with life than simply procreate.
I believe God’s gift of life, that spark of creation, that existence, teaches us as much if not more about God and His purpose when it is extinguished as when it is allowed to grow, be born, and live its life to old age before it dies.
I don’t believe the death of the fetus or a child robs us of a potential cure for cancer, or a presence who could bring peace to the Earth. I don’t believe it is in God’s plan that every spark should survive. God is not that limited. We will get whatever miracle God has in store for us, regardless of the vessel that finally accomplishes it.
I’m not trying to make it okay when a child dies. I don’t mean to imply that it is okay if someone slaughters children (or any life) wholesale. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be sad, angry, or horrified.
I’m saying that what we feel is the point.
What we learn from the event, what we do about it...that is what makes us human, what makes us distinct from animals.
Holding ourselves accountable for a decision defines our character and directs the course of the rest of our lives. Taking a stand for the things we believe in shapes our psyche, and grows us as spiritual beings. Living our lives with purpose, searching and reaching for God’s plan for us, and doing our best to fulfill that plan, that is what life should be about.
That spark that is extinguished? The greatest tragedy would be for nothing to change because of its brief existence.
The thread was in response to the case of the woman in Texas who died, and everyone agreed that she was dead, but her body was kept functioning to benefit the 14 week fetus she was carrying at the time of her death. The woman’s body was kept functioning for two months before the court ordered that the family could have the machines turned off.
The discussion could be boiled down to this: when is it okay for a baby to die?
I will probably catch some heat for this, but I personally believe the hospital was in the wrong to resuscitate her body, and that they had misinterpreted the new law. I found the situation creepy and horrifying, and I would never want to be put in a position to have to make a decision in a case like this.
My family had to pull the plug on my father and it was awful, but all of us agreed that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think that you can truly know what you would do in that situation until you have stood at a dead person’s bedside. I have been there, and I have no regrets.
But this case involved a fetus. A potential human being. And here’s the thing:
I believe God’s gift of life has more purpose than merely growing up to procreate more life. Animals live to procreate. How are we different if we believe that the only reason we are here is to create more life? If my sole mission in life is to be a parent, and my child’s sole mission in life is to be a parent, and their children’s sole mission.... Humans are unique on Earth because we have the ability and the desire to do more with life than simply procreate.
I believe God’s gift of life, that spark of creation, that existence, teaches us as much if not more about God and His purpose when it is extinguished as when it is allowed to grow, be born, and live its life to old age before it dies.
I don’t believe the death of the fetus or a child robs us of a potential cure for cancer, or a presence who could bring peace to the Earth. I don’t believe it is in God’s plan that every spark should survive. God is not that limited. We will get whatever miracle God has in store for us, regardless of the vessel that finally accomplishes it.
I’m not trying to make it okay when a child dies. I don’t mean to imply that it is okay if someone slaughters children (or any life) wholesale. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be sad, angry, or horrified.
I’m saying that what we feel is the point.
What we learn from the event, what we do about it...that is what makes us human, what makes us distinct from animals.
Holding ourselves accountable for a decision defines our character and directs the course of the rest of our lives. Taking a stand for the things we believe in shapes our psyche, and grows us as spiritual beings. Living our lives with purpose, searching and reaching for God’s plan for us, and doing our best to fulfill that plan, that is what life should be about.
That spark that is extinguished? The greatest tragedy would be for nothing to change because of its brief existence.
December 6, 2013
Option to Buy Direct from my website Available Now!
I set up an eStore so readers can buy books direct from my website.
http://kristicramerbooks.com
Readers get discounted prices (I charge just a fraction more than I receive in royalties from other sites) and I get to cut out the middleman. Win win!
I even had my first customer, so I know it works!
Books are offered in Mobi, ePub and PDF format, in addition to Paperback. You can download eBooks right from the site.
Paperback orders will be mailed as soon as I can get to them. Should be same day shipping, unless I am away, or it is a weekend, or I am out of stock.
Checkout is through PayPal so it is secure.
Readers can even leave reviews.
Watch for coupons! I can't make checkout totally free, the program won't let me, but I will run periodic promotions.
http://kristicramerbooks.com
Readers get discounted prices (I charge just a fraction more than I receive in royalties from other sites) and I get to cut out the middleman. Win win!
I even had my first customer, so I know it works!
Books are offered in Mobi, ePub and PDF format, in addition to Paperback. You can download eBooks right from the site.
Paperback orders will be mailed as soon as I can get to them. Should be same day shipping, unless I am away, or it is a weekend, or I am out of stock.
Checkout is through PayPal so it is secure.
Readers can even leave reviews.
Watch for coupons! I can't make checkout totally free, the program won't let me, but I will run periodic promotions.
November 6, 2013
Rolling Out a New Service
Proof Reading Service for Self-Pub Authors
My Premium Service includes these steps:
I will check for spelling errors (including ‘wrong word’ choices), and mark sentences/phrases that I find awkward.
I will offer suggestions on how to correct awkward sentences: structure, basic grammar, phrasing, etc.
I will flag Point of View and Narrative Tense issues.
I will ask questions that a reader might ask and want answered within the book.
I will give my overall impression of your manuscript and my opinion on its readiness for publication.
I will not do any fact checking, and will assume that all research has been done.
I will NOT try to change the style or tone of your manuscript. If your writing style is formal, it will stay formal. If you write in Third Person Omniscient, that is how it will stay.
I will NEVER insist that you make any of the changes I suggest.
Additional Services at negotiated prices:
Work closely with a new/enthusiastic author to not only polish a manuscript, but teach some fundamental writing and self-editing skills.
Light fact checking on real world places and/or events that are mentioned or related in story. (This does not include checking the science on Sci-Fi.)
Check formatting of various files after conversion to various formats. (e.g. mobi, PDF, ePub, etc.)
Prices:
$75.00 (minimum charge) for up to the first 150 pages*.
(Even tighter Budget? Ask about Basic and Limited Proofreading Services!)
This minimum will be considered a deposit, and must be received prior to return of the manuscript.
$.50 for each additional page over 150.
For manuscripts over 500 pages, a fee of $25 will be added for committing to work on an extra long piece.
$25 Re-Read after edits have been made.
I can do a very basic proof read if you want me to double check for any missed/new errors after I have already read your manuscript, or if you have a 'final draft' after working with a professional editor. See special circumstances.
All payments will be facilitated through PayPal or Intuit.
Special Circumstances:
In the event a large number of markups are needed (i.e. 20 or more pages with 6 or more edit suggestions or verified/justified errors, on one page) the price per page increases on a sliding scale, which will be defined in our contract agreement. If this becomes apparent, you will be notified and given the opportunity to reconsider the project. (There will be no surprises at project completion.)
Conversely, if I only find 6-10 errors in an entire manuscript, I will reduce the minimum charge to $40.00. If I find 5 or less, I will only charge $20. If I find zero errors, I will not charge for the reading, because zero errors mean I was having too good a time reading your fabulous story and I wasn’t doing my job!
Try Me Out: Upon request, I will read and mark one chapter (any chapter, up to 10 pages) for free, to help you determine whether you want to hire me.
*For page count purposes, all manuscript pages will be counted using the industry standard of 250 words per page.
My Premium Service includes these steps:
I will check for spelling errors (including ‘wrong word’ choices), and mark sentences/phrases that I find awkward.
I will offer suggestions on how to correct awkward sentences: structure, basic grammar, phrasing, etc.
I will flag Point of View and Narrative Tense issues.
I will ask questions that a reader might ask and want answered within the book.
I will give my overall impression of your manuscript and my opinion on its readiness for publication.
I will not do any fact checking, and will assume that all research has been done.
I will NOT try to change the style or tone of your manuscript. If your writing style is formal, it will stay formal. If you write in Third Person Omniscient, that is how it will stay.
I will NEVER insist that you make any of the changes I suggest.
Additional Services at negotiated prices:
Work closely with a new/enthusiastic author to not only polish a manuscript, but teach some fundamental writing and self-editing skills.
Light fact checking on real world places and/or events that are mentioned or related in story. (This does not include checking the science on Sci-Fi.)
Check formatting of various files after conversion to various formats. (e.g. mobi, PDF, ePub, etc.)
Prices:
$75.00 (minimum charge) for up to the first 150 pages*.
(Even tighter Budget? Ask about Basic and Limited Proofreading Services!)
This minimum will be considered a deposit, and must be received prior to return of the manuscript.
$.50 for each additional page over 150.
For manuscripts over 500 pages, a fee of $25 will be added for committing to work on an extra long piece.
$25 Re-Read after edits have been made.
I can do a very basic proof read if you want me to double check for any missed/new errors after I have already read your manuscript, or if you have a 'final draft' after working with a professional editor. See special circumstances.
All payments will be facilitated through PayPal or Intuit.
Special Circumstances:
In the event a large number of markups are needed (i.e. 20 or more pages with 6 or more edit suggestions or verified/justified errors, on one page) the price per page increases on a sliding scale, which will be defined in our contract agreement. If this becomes apparent, you will be notified and given the opportunity to reconsider the project. (There will be no surprises at project completion.)
Conversely, if I only find 6-10 errors in an entire manuscript, I will reduce the minimum charge to $40.00. If I find 5 or less, I will only charge $20. If I find zero errors, I will not charge for the reading, because zero errors mean I was having too good a time reading your fabulous story and I wasn’t doing my job!
Try Me Out: Upon request, I will read and mark one chapter (any chapter, up to 10 pages) for free, to help you determine whether you want to hire me.
*For page count purposes, all manuscript pages will be counted using the industry standard of 250 words per page.
October 20, 2013
I'm Coming Home! - Well, soon....
One more month on the road and then I'll be home! I've been trying to convince my hubby that I need a chance to try writing for a living.
If I don't stay home and focus on my craft, or perhaps more pertinent, marketing my work, then I will never know if it is possible.
He keeps going back and forth. We agreed at one point that I could try it for six months, but now he is back to saying three. Then he says he wants to go back to driving local, which would be nice but would likely require me to get a job outside the home, since we won't be bringing in as much money.
I guess for the time being, I'm sticking with my plan of making a go of a career. I know I have the skills, and plenty of stories that are bouncing around in my head, waiting to be told. I have a plan. I just need the time!
As an additional source of income, I will be setting up shop as a proof reader. I am good at catching errors that others miss - as long as it isn't my own work. I offered notes for free on some already-published books, and those authors sent me love letters.
I will be taking a couple classes to brush up on punctuation and grammar rules, but in the meantime I have a definite skill-set to offer for reasonable prices. It is my intention to make myself affordable to self-pub authors.
More to come on this, later. If you think you might be interested in seeing some of my work, message me or comment here, and I will figure out how to show you, or perhaps you can try me out on a small sample of your writing.
One more month. Just gotta breathe and get it done. Then we will see.
If I don't stay home and focus on my craft, or perhaps more pertinent, marketing my work, then I will never know if it is possible.
He keeps going back and forth. We agreed at one point that I could try it for six months, but now he is back to saying three. Then he says he wants to go back to driving local, which would be nice but would likely require me to get a job outside the home, since we won't be bringing in as much money.
I guess for the time being, I'm sticking with my plan of making a go of a career. I know I have the skills, and plenty of stories that are bouncing around in my head, waiting to be told. I have a plan. I just need the time!
As an additional source of income, I will be setting up shop as a proof reader. I am good at catching errors that others miss - as long as it isn't my own work. I offered notes for free on some already-published books, and those authors sent me love letters.
I will be taking a couple classes to brush up on punctuation and grammar rules, but in the meantime I have a definite skill-set to offer for reasonable prices. It is my intention to make myself affordable to self-pub authors.
More to come on this, later. If you think you might be interested in seeing some of my work, message me or comment here, and I will figure out how to show you, or perhaps you can try me out on a small sample of your writing.
One more month. Just gotta breathe and get it done. Then we will see.
September 9, 2013
Works in Progress
This day job is killing me! Well, my writing anyway.
It is very hard to be creative while bouncing down the highway in the sleeper of a semi while Hubby is driving. Driving on these long stretches across Nebraska or Wyoming, I've got plenty of time to think of plots and scenes and character traits, but getting them on the computer? Not so easy.
But enough excuses. I've switched focus from Last Second Chance (Boys of Syracuse, Kansas #2) to a story my husband and I have concocted. It is set in the future, and some of the features I'm touting as futuristic are actually coming close to fruition, so if I want to be cutting edge, I need to get busy on it. Those of you who read my blog when I was doing it as Hella Mel will understand when I say that the DOT is talking about reducing driving hours again by 2015....
The hard part is that this story is basically a murder mystery, and I've never written one of these before. I don't know the formula, or if I even want it to be formulaic. However, I do know that there are definite rules to mystery books, and I don't want to offend any readers of that genre. So I find myself spinning my wheels.
But the mystery is a compelling one. Will truck drivers cum amateur sleuths Mel and Rory figure out who the killer is before the body count climbs even higher?
Meanwhile, the romance between Tim and Janie in Last Second Chance just won't leave me alone.
So much to write, so little time to write.
It is very hard to be creative while bouncing down the highway in the sleeper of a semi while Hubby is driving. Driving on these long stretches across Nebraska or Wyoming, I've got plenty of time to think of plots and scenes and character traits, but getting them on the computer? Not so easy.
But enough excuses. I've switched focus from Last Second Chance (Boys of Syracuse, Kansas #2) to a story my husband and I have concocted. It is set in the future, and some of the features I'm touting as futuristic are actually coming close to fruition, so if I want to be cutting edge, I need to get busy on it. Those of you who read my blog when I was doing it as Hella Mel will understand when I say that the DOT is talking about reducing driving hours again by 2015....
The hard part is that this story is basically a murder mystery, and I've never written one of these before. I don't know the formula, or if I even want it to be formulaic. However, I do know that there are definite rules to mystery books, and I don't want to offend any readers of that genre. So I find myself spinning my wheels.
But the mystery is a compelling one. Will truck drivers cum amateur sleuths Mel and Rory figure out who the killer is before the body count climbs even higher?
Meanwhile, the romance between Tim and Janie in Last Second Chance just won't leave me alone.
So much to write, so little time to write.
Bounded in a Nutshell
The skinny on Kristi's life, musings, and occasional bits on writing, works in progress, and promotions.
My blog title is from Shakespeare's Hamlet:
Hamlet:
O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and ...more
My blog title is from Shakespeare's Hamlet:
Hamlet:
O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and ...more
- Kristi Cramer's profile
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