Rachel Smith's Blog: Guinea Pigs and Books, page 32

“Let’s go out to dinner tonight. Then we’ll take in the double horror bill at The Lyric. Torture Dungeon and Bloodthirsty Butchers, okay?”

8. They Never Learn – Layne Fargo

Dr. Clark, English professor and serial killer of the worst men she can find. This was a fast slice of a novel and even though I’m a little tired of campus novels and academic backstabbing, this was worth it because it was more literal backstabbing with snark. It goes back and forth between Dr. Clark and Carly Schiller, student who is just trying to have a good time without drawing attention to herself…and both of their best laid plans go all to hell despite quite a lot of planning.

 

The demises Snuffy plans are for so many different types of vegetables. So many vegetables to succumb to her sharp little teeth.

Inspired by Bachelor’s Grove

47. The House by the Cemetery – John Everson

Happy Halloween from not Haddonfield, Illinois. Mike is rehabbing a house rumored to be haunted into a haunt attraction when he gets visited by two women who are a little weird. They keep showing up and since Mike is a bit of a lonely guy, he’s susceptible to their charms and willingness to drink minimal amounts of his beer, and he doesn’t really question why one of the women is so into him… It’s not like it has anything to do with ritual murder or something else supernatural. Nope. None of that here in this location rumored to be haunted by a witch.

There are tons of horror movie nods in this, including the title, and it does get a little Fulci eventually, and a little Argento and a little Carpenter and so on. A haunted house is a good setting, but a haunted house being turned into a haunt attraction is a very good setting when you’ve had enough gothic creepery and just want something fun.

Salem understands the attraction of a haunted house that might have a witch in it. He knows Hen Wen better than the dude in this story knows Katie though. A lot better.

“Mother, when we move into our new house, can we have a scuppernong arbor?”

99. Horrid – Katrina Leno

Jane and her mom have to move across the country to fulfill the horror story trope of moving into one’s haunted childhood home and reckoning with the past. What Jane doesn’t realize is that everyone in the town knows about her mom’s past and as Jane was a part of her mom’s bright future once she ran away from Bells Hollow, Maine to sunny California, she’s not in the loop. The house seems to be trying to get Jane in the loop, though.

And really, Jane also has her own pain and anxiety to deal with. Her father has passed away, she’s being moved across the country away from all her good memories to a place where she’s obviously part of something she’s not aware of, and she eats books. Not whole. One of the things Jane wasn’t let in on was that eating things that aren’t food runs in her family. Jane does a decent job of making friends and she gets a job at a book store run by a cool dude she can talk to about mystery books, however, the secrets of the house will not be ignored.

No they will not.

The dread and creepiness were very well drawn in Horrid. Jane’s anxiety enhances both of them and is very relatable as she does her best to cope while moving into a gothic horror story that will not be denied.

Horace is watching Danger Crumples from above like a ghost in the window watches the living. I’d say he’s waiting for vengeance, but Horace wasn’t that kind of a guinea pig.

 

Dead End Drive-In is not a filmed version of these novels; it came before them because Australia was trapping young people at drive-ins first.

12. The Complete Drive-In (Three Novels of Anarchy, Aliens, and the Popcorn King) – Joe R. Lansdale

A horror movie marathon at a drive-in in East Texas sounds like a good idea until you end up stuck there for the foreseeable future. Then the cannibalism sets in and the Popcorn King takes over and, well, it’s not a good time, but it is a good time for the reader if you know what I mean and I think you do. Of course, when you do get out of that drive-in, there are dinosaurs and later a giant catfish that swallows the bus you’re in, but sometimes you just have to go along with the ride for three books’ worth of total insanity and B-movie madness. And a lot of cannibalism.

Speaking of trapped, Ozma could explain cannibalism to Finny, but he can just eat his way out of the pumpkins as an herbivore.

“Whatever she does now must be out of her own free will.”

64. Roost – Hope Madden

Hope and Joy were born on Easter Sunday and every time their birthday falls once again on Easter Sunday, terrible and weird things happen. The book takes place in the 1970s and 1980s during those times. I enjoyed the aspects of the book that weren’t part of the main through line more than the overall storyline. I liked the horror movie mentions and the references. I liked the random humor and the tight setting of the town. I like the idea of a play based on When a Stranger Calls to scandalize and inform the populous. The very small town was well described and a lot of what the characters did and how little Hope and Joy seemed to change made sense. At the end I realized that I wanted some more explanation and more in-between so the whole story felt more cohesive though. It’s an interesting story with intriguing singled out for threat status twins, so I wouldn’t mind more.

Pammy wants to know if this is one of those To the Devil a Daughter kind of things, because it really seems like it might be.

 

The author’s note at the end includes his apologies to the Madison Police Department.

77. Last Come the Children – David Hagberg

So much animal gore in this book… I didn’t really expect that. Even the Irish Setter. Rabbits. Roosters. I honestly expected a book with this title to involve way more human murder than animal sacrifice.

Beyond that, I would really like to know exactly how Frank got into the whole demon worship thing. It really seemed like Frank, on his second OWI crash, in which he died, was brought back by the demon to worship it and drag his group of middle aged couple friends into it for a demon who killed the first dog in the story and also a baby. Why, exactly, was this demon interested in Madison, WI, and why Frank? Is corrupting the middle class really that enticing? Really? Their reluctance was at least realistic; Frank was apparently a good salesman though.

The people who did die, including some rudely spoken of gay EMTs who brought Frank to the hospital and thought something was very wrong and weird about his case, caused there to be an investigation led by Lt. Klubertanz, who also seemed to be the only officer assigned to the investigation. Madison in 1982 apparently had very limited police resources. Anyway, he did that thing usually reserved for detective stories where he took the case too hard and wouldn’t stop investigating and let it get in the way of his relationship with an attorney. He also did something you couldn’t do now (maybe even then) just by calling, he got lists of people checking out books on the occult and demonology in Madison. And apparently there were a lot of them. A lot.

Also, this lieutenant, after he leaves the force but still has all his radio equipment in his Alfa Romeo (which is sometimes an Alpha Romeo, mistake…), takes off from Madison to Door County to stop the big black mass that Frank has planned in their vacation home in a blizzard, and makes it there without wrecking the car or anything, so, obviously there is a lot of disbelief which much be suspended here. It was 1982, anything was possible.

Snuffy’s going to investigate the pumpkin fun house for demons before Thorfy gets there, just in case. Apparently Madison is infested and if they’re coming for drunk drivers, why wouldn’t they get into a cardboard pumpkin?

 

Pigtoberfest

It’s October art intrusion time!

My current herd – Salem, Thorfinnur, Hen Wen, and Snuffy – are up to a few things like being as cute and disagreeable as possible simultaneously, taking important medicines, and cursing the lack of consistently good produce that’s come with inflation… and also checking out haunted houses and trick or treating.

Halloween first!

I Remember Pigoween, my painting in progress with Hen Wen.

 

The finished product with Salem relaxing in front of himself in his Halloween costume.

Snuffy also found this depiction of her as a safety princess relaxing.

Thorfy’s strategizing instead of relaxing, I think he read the sign about full size carrots at Witch Ozma’s and didn’t realize it’s actually a trick.

I Remember Pigoween, a painting by me, Rachel E. Smith, of my pigs in their Halloween costumes for 2022. Snuffy is clearly the leader when it comes to treats and also the late 70s ideas about Halloween safety and Ozma forever is a witch of the woods.

 

Haunted house second!

Again, a work in progress shot after I painted the lawn.

So, clearly I take a lot of photos next to mini-blinds, but here are Hen Wen and Salem with the final painting of the herd’s newest book cover.

Thorfy and Snuffy are still arguing over what to do with a haunted house in their midst.

Of Course It’s Haunted, a guinea pig book cover painting by Rachel E. Smith. Accept no substitutes.

 

Of Course It’s Haunted is really a painting I did for Hen Wen and her clear attitude towards shenanigans. She will not have them from the living or the dead. She is a boss pig. Look at her leaning against the spooky tree, she’s not even scared with all the ghost swirling.

Once I am done writing this post and have it scheduled for October 13th, I will be putting up these paintings on my sites for printing on stuff and things that can be purchased, I still only have Threadlessand Redbubble. If there are no technical difficulties, this will be finished on October 12th, and Threadless is still having a sale – which is helpful if you do want either of these piggie images on a tote bag, like I do.

And if anyone is wondering- did I put together a post with in-progress pictures, pictures with the pigs, and the paintings and specify my scheduling time because of all the theft I’ve experienced this year? Yes I did. It took EIGHT notifications to get the last stolen work taken down that I posted about and I will be doing a round up at the end of the year. Having a post like this shows not only my progress to anyone who is interested, it also gives me a nice piece of evidence to send along if I have to ask for either of these to be taken off a thief’s page. Yes it does.

Renovating is an expensive way to become cursed.

13. The Malan Witch – Catherine Cavendish

Very short and very spooky. The Malan Witch is yet another warning to those who renovate. If you find something in the wall, like a child’s shoe, or a mummified cat, or…a very obvious poppet designed to keep an evil witch at bay – don’t remove it. Do you want to be attacked by the devil’s handmaiden? Usually the answer is no, so, leave that mummified cat alone- it makes your house a home.

In The Malan Witch, after Holly offers her sister Robyn Malan Cottage on the cliff of a very old small town as a place to grieve her husband and do things at her own pace instead of being pushed by the rigors of everyone else around her, Robyn takes the opportunity. And gets attacked by a crow and tries to follow some of the local superstitions once she’s aware of the cottage’s history before her sister renovated it, but that’s not enough to keep her from some serious evil. Or seriously evil smells.

 

Ozma’s version of a borrowed cottage is this cardboard haunted house. It’s not very secure against evil witches, but it does have a personalized pumpkin.

“We are the hellcats nobody likes.”

18. Undead Girl Gang – Lily Anderson

So, while raising Mila’s best friend from the dead, she also accidentally raised two other girls, both of whom have been mean to her and her recently deceased best friend. Whoops.

Now Mila has to figure out who the murderer is because it’s not like when her best friend Riley came back from the dead she just shouted it out or anything…and hide all three reanimated girls while they keep trying to do things instead of hide successfully. That’s not particularly easy, even with a dry sense of humor and good intentions. Mila has real grief, she has real pain in being the kind of person who does not fit in for several reasons, she has some witchcraft capabilities that don’t entirely help the situation, and she will have wry comments to make about all of it, so I like her.

What makes the story a good read, though, is the dynamic between Mila and the others. Mila and her best friend are a realistic pair and the two mean girl-types, June and Dayton, were more complex once they came back from the dead and were forced to get to know people who were not considered cool. So, really, the title is well chosen.

Merricat and Peregrine also had an excellent dynamic.

Sometimes the fire doesn’t cleanse at all.

43. The Burning Girls – C.J. Tudor

There’s a new vicar in Chapel Croft, tiny village of doomed young girls. Whether they’re burned as martyrs or murdered or just trying to get to know the new place they were forced to move to, young ladies don’t necessarily have solid ground to stand on here. Not unlike the new vicar, whose name is Jack but is also a lady, much to the chagrin of some people.

It was nice to see a normal mother-daughter relationship with humor and arguments and care in this book, it grounded the story while they reacted to the mysteries and terrible past and present of Chapel Croft at the same time as the reader. The pitfalls of moving somewhere and taking a job that really isn’t great as someone who is stuck, regardless of ghosts or collapsing floors or exorcist kits in the basement, because of their own past mistakes and horrors were also well represented. There were definitely some very creepy parts and more reinforcement for me not liking the vast majority of teenagers, Flo being a good exception, but it’s also a quick mystery that comes together well in the end.

 

Sometimes it’s hard living in a small community and being so cool. Hen Wen knows this first hand.