Mary Newman's Blog - Posts Tagged "sadness"

The first day of autumn has actually already occurred according to the calendar, but here in Oklahoma it's only just starting to feel that way. The trees are starting to turn and fall decorations are popping up around the area, as well as cooler evening temperatures.

This season brings with it Halloween for many, but for me it's Samhain because I kind of prefer the old ways. It's also a nod to my late husband, Alan Futrell, and his beliefs as an old Pagan. Samhain is the celebration of the previous year and looking forward to the next. The time when the harvest is in, signaling plans for what to plant next time. It was Alan's favorite holiday.

Several events happened this year that hit me hard and threw my equilibrium into full-on bipolar/WTF/isitevergonnaend mode. My mom, who I've not had a good relationship with since the beginning of my teens, suffered a stroke and died a few months later. Coming to terms with how I felt about her and what happened was difficult. My youngest daughter's pregnancy, which was a truly happy occurrence, turned into a stressful time, when things started going wrong. A cesarean birth, followed by still-unexplained, seizure-like events in my new granddaughter has almost wrenched my heart from my chest.

Those are the two main events, but little, every day type things happened, as well. Needless to say, everything negative seemed to overpower my thinking and it was hard to drag myself up out of the abyss. I'm still working on it.

And what does Samhain and autumn have to do with all this? I'm glad you asked. I'm going to use this time of year to turn myself back around and get on with my writing. I've got a book in the wings awaiting polishing so it can be released and I'm going to get to that. My personality is generally an upbeat one, so the negative, blah, crappy stuff is just going to have to take a back seat and let me live my life. As I watch the earth here in the northern hemisphere put herself to bed for the winter, the sadness and stress are going with it. It's not necessarily a "new leaf" so much as it is a continuing on with life. Stagnation has never been my style.