Leandra Medine's Blog, page 666

Your Mom was Right About Eileen Fisher

Somewhere deep in a suburban mall, near Coldwater Creek’s hollow shell and J. Jill’s quiet yogi-luring storefront sits Eileen Fisher in her understated glory. I now know it to be glorious because I recently thrifted a long black cape coat of the Fisher brand that lays open with huge pockets and a robe-like collar in boiled wool.

Investigation reveals that the coat costs upward of $500 in store, yet I got my jedi-good for a mere $13. I wear it every day.

It is warm, it is comfortable. It makes me look like I know what I’m doing and most importantly, it is exactly what my mom was trying to tell me about: she wears Eileen Fisher religiously and has donned the brand’s turtlenecks for as long as I’ve known her. This smart aleck daughter put her through hell in middle school when it came to mutual clothing agreement. Now that I’ve embraced her shaman-wear for the fashion set, my mother and I have bonded over clothed maternal sophistication.

She has also since tried to steal my coat at every family gathering.

But I am not alone — both The Cut’s Molly Fischer and The New Yorker’s Janet Malcom have spoken in favor of the unassuming, un-ironic, entirely authentic take on minimalism. The brand’s quiet presence isn’t about normcore. Rather, it stands on a separate level, a higher level — one that projects a thoughtful earnestness about getting dressed.

The jedi coat inspired me to whittle down my wardrobe to an easy uniform based on comfort. Pieces from the likes of Fisher, Lauren Manoogian, plus slouchy tees and slides (socks encouraged), all go to show you can do rolled-out-of-bed in a very Mary-Kate-or-Ashley-at-the-library kind of way.

Sure, I might look like a stoned and swaddled Justin Bieber in full gear — drop crotched trousers, slouchy tees, drooping knits — but his past social indecencies aside, doesn’t Bieber dress kind of cool? Besides, during these long months of treacherous, snow-splattered steps, the assumption is that we’d all like to be cocooned. If not because it provides warmth, than certainly because come May, each of us maintain a moral obligation to emerge from said cocoons (of boiled wool or draping cashmere) like butterflies. Ones that may not quite understand the power of Eileen Fisher but certainly respect it.

Next time you’re shopping with mom, give Eileen a once-around.

For Your Grocer’s Pleasure: Instacart

If last month I tried to get you to learn a new language (how’s that going, by the way?), this month I feel no regret at all recommending that it’s high time you consider ordering your groceries while seated on your ass in the dry warmth of your office, listening to any number of the Ted Talks that have been suggested for you (perhaps even by you) in a recent post, using the very same smart phone that is ordering said groceries to look up the nutritional value of the items you’re cart-storing.

Instacart is exactly what it sounds like unless what you’re thinking it sounds like is an app that promotes your buying Instagram photos in bulk. It is an app, yes, but it allows you to instantly update your digital grocery shopping cart with a deluge of products from any number of the grocery stores in your neighborhood that tend to make the natural occurrence of feeding yourself seem like a savage, unrewarding task.

Example: I tried to find golden berries at Whole Foods last week to no avail. Then I looked them up on Instacart WHILE AT WHOLE FOODS and within seconds, poof, I became the proud almost-owner of so many different variations of the food, I thought about beginning to measure my self worth in exotic dried fruit. Yesterday, I ordered three avocados that came in such pristine shape, you might think they were delivered directly from Mexico and I’ll have you know that since downloading the app, I’ve not eaten a single banana peel. Not one!

So consider this a PSA in addition to just a recommendation. Instacart will make grocery shopping feel kind of like you’re recreationally browsing Instagram (so many food photos on both). It might make you a little bit poorer in the pocket but will also indubitably render you rich at heart, in stomach and where the golden berries may or may not make you shit 18 karats all year round.

Image shot by Armin Morbach for Tush Magazine 

Shoesday Quandary: If These Are What’s Here, What’s Next?

What Phoebe Philo throws will stick. This is a truth that demands, for better or worse, acknowledgement. The Birkenstock renaissance of 2012-and-beyond is a proof of this concept, even if it is just that — a rebirth.

Furthermore, that the conversation has proliferated far enough to maintain relevance in 2015, when several iterations of the shoe-that-spawned-normcore is still being produced to the satisfaction of intelligent consumers, is a coup in itself.

And while Céline’s spring offering still proposes a quite literally “elevated” version of the anterior comfort shoe, the upcoming season also points toward a differing interest from within the cabinet of Philo’s curiosities, where three iterations of an elastic ballet shoe — one with a short heel, another flat, and one style with a brushed metal charm on the toe — are on the brink of rulership. These seem to prove that Philo is not at all concerned with reinventing the wheel.

Elastic ballet slippers have been resting largely dormant on unassuming sales floors at sensible shopping depots for at least the better part of the last decade. More recently, such indie brands as Maryam Nassir Zadeh and better known ones like Isabel Marant have provided at least an iota of cool-factor for the shoe.

But prior to that, much like the Birkenstock, the elastic ballet shoe was a flight of rather simple convenience and comfort.

I guess Philo has never been about reinventing the wheel. She’s proven herself a stalwart leader in the art of re-appropriation and presentation with her crisp white, collarless shirts and the menswear inclination she demonstrates in producing a pair of clean pants. What she does is make sure, through a much lauded virtue — patience — that her wheel is the shiniest. (Or is it the furriest?) The most digestible and desirable. She capitalizes on the self-consciousness of trend-driven shoppers who are too afraid to admit aesthetic ache and solves their problems before they can be addressed.

This shoe could very well be one more nod to just that but it’s worth wondering: if the last time she set in motion such a profound ripple effect that it took us not just back to Woodstock but the entire era that occurred around it, what happens this season, when we’re all abandoning concrete shoe borders for the malleable kind?

Meet the New: Maryana Bilski of BunnyJack

“Energy” isn’t tangible in the way that material goods are. We can’t hold it, touch it or wear it but we understand that it propels. Energy sets cars in motion. It keeps our legs moving and feeds our lightbulbs.

But the idea of energy as something that emanates from a person — that we can feel it without physical proof — that’s more difficult to understand. The force of Texas-raised Maryana Bilski’s energy, however, will hit you like a cartoon frying pan.

Bilski is the founder of BunnyJack, a new, high-end secondhand online retailer where the message and intent of the company is greater than the sum of its products. This is saying a lot — the site carries unworn treasures from the likes of Alaïa, Prada and Yves Saint Laurent. But every purchase made contributes 20-50% of the sale to the BunnyJack Gives Foundation — an organization that works with its donees to fund solutions directly for those who need them. Bilski cites New York’s problem with homeless youth as one major area to begin, though rules out nothing.

“Rather than donating to a charity’s marketing or overhead, we want to make sure we’re really getting to the core issue. We want to create interactions with people directly in the field that are creating goodness, but need financial resources to continue,” Bilski said.

BunnyJack will then publish the destination of its delegated funds on the website.

“I’m willing to sell everything I own to get this off the ground,” said Bilksi. “I’m willing to risk all that I have because I have faith and a belief that we need to better our society.”

While she’s not yet selling all of her belongings, everything currently on the site once belonged to her. But what you see isn’t even the half of it. Bilksi lived in Switzerland for 13 years with her former partner before a tragic split led her back to New York. She says she’s still unpacking the boxes from her former life.

“I bought a lot of stuff because I never thought I was worth anything. I acquired a lot of things to fill that void inside myself to feel better. The more I acquired, I thought I would finally feel that I was worth something. It wasn’t until the breaks were pulled on my life in Switzerland that I came to the realization that I had to make a change. When you have that many clothes and things, you really need to take a look at what you’re missing.”

This doesn’t happen overnight. “I went through a very long process of self-healing, self-learning, self-understanding,” she said. “I knew I wanted something more for myself. Not for anyone else; for me.”

Not ironically, Bilski is now trying to make other lives better — and not just financially. “The act of giving comes in a smile, through our eyes and in acknowledgment. These are gifts that we could give to one another that don’t cost anything.”

This is from where the name BunnyJack emerged. Her dog, Jack, who was left behind in Switzerland, taught her about unconditional love in the way that sometimes only animal interactions can — and if you remember The Velveteen Rabbit, perhaps you’ll also remember that it’s not until the rabbit understands love that he himself becomes real.

“BunnyJack is about creating a positive theme,” said Bilski. “I don’t know how it’s going to turn out, but we call it ‘planting the seeds of goodness.’ I want to go back into society and do things — that’s part of the reason I created a foundation and not a trust, because with a foundation, we’re able to give funds to individuals and not just to corporations and charities.

We’re taking that idea of consumerism and spinning it around to do something powerful. We want the image of BunnyJack to make people smile, even if they didn’t make a purchase. Or if they did make a purchase, to open that box and see that image of Jack and know that they did good. When you do good, you feel good, and it radiates within you, which extends to others. It’s time for women to empower, support, love and care for one another. That’s BunnyJack.”

And that’s energy.

To learn more about BunnyJack’s foundation, click here. To go directly to the shop, click here.

Cringe-stagrams

There are three basic life principles that we know to be true:

1) Eating after 9 PM is not a good idea.

2) The best way to break up is to do it in person, while keeping in mind that…

3) …when it comes to personal matters, they should be kept relatively private.

And yet:

1) Food tastes better after 10 PM.

2) Breaking up in person can seem dramatic if not borderline psychotic when you’ve only been hooking up for two weeks.

3) And besides, we live our lives on social media. Hardly anything is private.

The latter is how Instagram accounts like Texts From Your Ex, Tinder Nightmares, and We Should Break Up: the newest name in screenshots-made-public, not only exist, but proliferate. They’re amusing because they range from that which hits close to home to that which you have to share and even to what has to be fake, and probably exists only for the sake of getting published.

The truth is funny; funny is funny; and slapstick remains the most universally appealing form of comedy.

But in the 2015, comebacks from the satisfying to the bizarre are our version of Charlie Chaplin’s banana peel.

Like an excruciating sex scene on Girls, many of these accounts remind us that whatever our reality, it’s probably better than what’s being portrayed on solely for the sake of entertainment. But is it cheap humor?

It starts out innocently. Your friend tags you on a few breakup texts that you just “have to see.” You laugh, maybe tag a few other friends, and then consider writing about this “new Instagram to follow” for the blog that hires you to write.

Then, just as you’re amassing various screen shots to attach in a slideshow (Hahaha, look at this weird one) it starts to dawn on you that someone — possibly — actually got broken up with this way. That there’s someone out there looking at her phone going, “Did you just end our two week happy hook up with a pile of hot dogs and a fucking cat?”

Does that make it okay to participate? Do we all just accept that our interactions have the potential to become prime Internet clickbait? Should we therefore relish in the jokes that, as of yet, aren’t in our own hands?

If we don’t — if our consciences kicks in and can’t take the punchline (it’s just a joke!) because of whatever guilt we’re harboring, what’s an acceptable response when our friends wants to know why we didn’t think the Instagram was totally hilarious?

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me“?

Maybe. Or maybe I should just lighten up.

Will You Be My Horoscope?

We are two days into the shortest month of the year, yet it’s packed tighter than a saddle bag on a one-humped camel what with the dentist union’s second least favorite holiday after Halloween, fashion week, shitty weather and eight days left of Mercury’s selfish vacation at the Retrograde Nightclub and Resort. The good news is that everyone’s horoscopes are sunny, mostly because I skimmed over the bad stuff but also because the planets are actually cutting us some slack. No clue what I’m saying. So, like Missy Elliott at the Superbowl: let’s put our thing down, flip it and reverse it:

Aquarius

I have waited eleven months to share this with you, birthday person:

This month is going to feel just like that song:

“When the moon is in the Seventh House

And Jupiter aligns with Mars

Then peace will guide the planets

And love will steer the stars

And you will wear a fantastic polyester blend outfit that will give you confidence and a rash!”

Those are the lyrics, I looked them up.

The moon actually is hanging out with Jupiter, the great planet of good fortune, which will, according to one Susan Miller, “crystalize a relationship or project that has been in progress for at least six months or more and will bode so well for your happiness.” Saddle up for the best month ever, aquabronco.

But first, don’t stress about the big V, because February 21-22 are looking way more like your days of love — although the whole month is good for your heart. Tomorrow’s full moon on February 3 is going to rain down good news about some sort of partnership, whether it be a romantic, emotional, creative, business or dance partner kind. If you’ve seen Silver Linings Playbook then you know that sometimes a partner can be all of the above. Speaking of creativity, you’re getting a second new moon in a row in your sign (2 moon boobs for me, plz!) on February 18 which means you, my pet, are going to have poetry and paint exploding out of you like a first grader with a nose bleed in a dry climate. Bake your cake, then eat it too.

Pisces

If you are sad that you didn’t get a song then may I remind you that your birthday is next month and lord help me if I didn’t include the Jefferson’s “Moving On Up” song due to their piece of the PIE(ces) reference. So hang on until March.

This month, however, let’s focus on your career. “To say you are doing well professionally is an understatement,” begins Susan Thriller. Some big project you’ve been working on will manifest itself tomorrow, February 3, and everyone’s going to go, “HOLY SHIT YOU ARE A GENIUS.” (I believe the adjectives in regards to your project’s response that Susan used were, “enthusiastic and heartwarming.”)

You’re becoming a leader in your field, even if you haven’t ironed on your badge yet.

If you haven’t been feeling well, a beam from Uranus will change that. Here’s something fun to look forward to that pairs well with the former sentence: “on March 20, your professional life will be poised to break open like a big juicy coconut.” You’ve also got Mars and Venus in your sign, “a rare privilege,” because Mars is going to give you balls. The stars align and these metaphors write themselves. “Mars will raise your profile and make you more courageous, daring and assertive, and more likely to passionately defend and put forth your ideas with determination.” So uh, can I have your autograph? As for love: the weekend of the 14th is looking solid. Go figure. I mean, go fish.

Aries

Screw Hallmark, tomorrow is your Valentine’s day. I know it’s a Tues but listen to the Suz who says Leo is showering your fifth house of love with golden vibrations — a Studio 54 dance party if there ever was one. Here’s a fun sentence that Susan wrote: “Uranus, in charge of surprises…is gliding in Aries and will be just beautifully oriented to this full moon February 3, so whatever happens over this full moon will be completely unexpected, but in a way that will tickle you pink.” Ok.

Moving on: if you work in a creative field, then a project you’ve been working on will finally come to a finish, or maybe, a Finnish, if you work for a Nordic company! Your intuitions will be sharp this month so get like Oprah and listen to them.

Here is good news for your Sunday Scaries: on February 22 (a Sunday) Venus and Mars will both be in your sign making out. If you are not in your sign making out on actual Valentine’s day, who cares. Go out on the 21st. Keep your eyes open on the 22nd: now that football’s over people will actually pay attention to the people around them at the bar again.

Taurus

Here is the cutest visual Susan Miller has ever given us (which really is saying a lot, even if you just read Aries and are like, girl is watching too much Girls): “The planets are in a beautiful pattern…called a kite, which is a grand trine with a little domed “house” on top, showering you with all kind of happiness and harmony this month.” DO YOU EVEN NEED MORE OF A HOROSCOPE THAN THAT?

But of course you do. Of course we do. Here it is. Our good career vibes just keep coming. February’s second new moon on the 18th is going to bump up our social life (friendship and work-wise) so we’ll be buzzing on the dance floor with very full e-cards. Like everyone else, we’re dealing with Mercury in retrograde, but it means that if someone from the past comes forward, accept them — it could potentially lead to something cool. Otherwise, as Drake said, no new friends. (I mean, make new friends, just don’t let them alter your business plans at the moment.)

Don’t sign financial papers on the 23rd. She seemed to stress this. Do, however, look forward to a potential new awesome roommate or apartment. And when it comes to love, which it always does, this month isn’t bad, per se, but it’s going to be dumped on us like Gatorade come March. So get a haircut, and hang tight.

Gemini

“You can do no wrong, dear Gemini.”

This month you will be “embarking on a new professional cycle,” which is sort of like a new menstrual cycle except not at all and really the only similarity is the word “cycle.” Don’t sign contracts until Mercury comes back with its annoying tan from Club Retrograde on the 11th, though.

On the second new moon o-the-month — occurring on the 18th — you’ll get a burst in the world of communication, studies and legal matters as well. Are you taking the bar? Are you eating a candy bar? Are you drinking at the bar? Are you currently drunk? I am.

Valentine’s day actually isn’t going to be so bad for you, speaking of bars of all sorts, but the real weekend of love for you is February 21 and 22, which Susan also suggests for a few other signs so scroll through and pick your peach to hit on.

Cancer

Well, here is all you really need to know: tomorrow, February 3rd, it’s going to rain down cash. Or, if you live on the east coast (and are currently wondering why you don’t live literally anywhere else without a violently rude climate), it is going to snow down cash. Hail down cash. Confetti down cash. Cash parade! Here’s the best part: you’ll likely already have paid your rent!

“Actually, the entire month appears to find you focused intently on money.” Susan wrote. “The new moon of February 18 will be in Aquarius, putting quite a bit of emphasis on your eighth house of other people’s money. You may be discussing a commission, bonus, perks like vacation days and health care for a new position, an inheritance, insurance payout, scholarship or college financial aid, a mortgage, or refinancing plan, or you may be getting ready to present a plan for a venture capital investor. You may also be very intent on getting your taxes ready for your accountant.” If you watch Broad City then may I just remind you that there ain’t no shame in having someone else help you in this game, just make sure you don’t accidentally put your envelope of receipts in the trash.

The end of the month is looking really strong when it comes to career. Be assertive, be determined. You could become a boss in the literal sense as opposed to the colloquial sense sooner than you know it. And guess what, sugar daddy? Valentine’s Day is going to be quite nice for you.

Leo

What do we mean when we talk about love? You, Leonardo. We mean you. If you already have hearts in your eyes, this month is apparently made for you. You’ll either become official with your sig other, or you’ll move in together, or get engaged. It’s about taking the next step, and unlike the ones outside my front door that were as unsalted as a boring pretzel this morning, it will not cause you to slip. ~*Metaphors by Amelia*~

If there’s no one “special” in your life (don’t tell your goldfish, dude) then this next step may be in relation to a partner, manager, agent, publicist, steamer, stylist, etc. — you know, all of those things that everyone and not just Gwyneth Paltrow has. However, because we’re still in the slug juice of The Retrograde, don’t make any sudden movements until Freddy Mercury decides to join us in the real world come February 11th.

Tomorrow’s full moon is going to bring you peaceful closure regarding something (you and Susan have not told me so IDK). And should you choose to travel around the 21st and 22nd (you should) you’ll either fall deeper in love with he or she who has your heart, or, you’ll meet someone new who’s gonna rock your lion-y world.

Virgo

Holy Hannah did Susan write you a novel this month. “The full moon on February 3 is going to light your house of secrets and confidential matters,” but in a “Who’s the lucky suitor behind door number 2?,” 1970’s gameshow kind of way, because it’s likely in regards to a VIP who is a big supporter of you but perhaps hasn’t made this publicly known. In other words: your work is being recognized. Have faith in that and keep pluggin’ away. You could uncover something secret as well and “be able to protect yourself as a result.” Susan doesn’t mean to sound ominous, I don’t think, so just assume she’s been reading too much John Grisham and Nancy Drew.

Ah! Here’s some fun stuff! If you’ve been seeing a therapist, you may decide you’re all set this month. And around February 11th — February 18th, you may decide to finally start getting in shape. “I would prefer you act on any plan AFTER Mercury turns direct February 11,” Susan says of your new workout kick and diet in regards to the retrograde. It’s the star-given excuse to keep gluten and couch in your diet for just a few more days. #winterbodsrule

Finally: “Your chart shows that from February 1 to 19, you’ll have sexy Mars; gentle, magnetic Venus; and heavenly Neptune in your house of marriage and commitment, setting the stage for a gorgeous Valentine’s Day,” writes Susan Miller. It seems she not has indeed become a Grisham fan, but that no one is safe from the spell of 50 Shades of Grey.

Libra

“At long last, you are about to have fun, dear Libra,” writes Susan. “The world will be your oyster, so be determined to unshackle yourself from all those responsibilities you handle so well from day to day to allow for time just for you.” If that’s not reason alone to leave your horoscope as is then my name isn’t Amelia Susan Miller Diamond.

But I won’t leave it alone, because I am an oyster expert, here to guide you through all varieties, from the salty and briny to the sweet and creamy, even though I’ve tried to issue a nation-wide memo that restaurants should stop using the adjective “creamy” when it comes to oysters.

So! This new moon is going to light up your house of friends, people, events, hopes, dreams, wishes, and rainbows. You’re going to be invited to everything. Go to everything. Thanks to the full moon in Leo, there’s going to be a touch of luxury too. You are Fergie this month. Live it. There’s a second new moon this month as well — February 18  — which will help your career and finally get things moving. Creativity will be flowing from your bones, which is helpful whether you’re a graphic designer or a commodities trader working on a deal involving maize. Maize is corn.

And when it comes to love, that weekend of February 21st is your time to shiiiine. (But careful: if could be with someone in the office. Tread lightly. Put nothing in writing, and label your stapler.)

Scorpio

“Career, home life, love, and romance – everything seems to be coming together for you in one big package, tied with a big white bow.” – Susan Miller, singer of dreams.

The major focus, however, is your job. Susan predicts your name in lights, regardless of industry. And you know what comes with name in lights right? Money. You’ll get a raise, a bonus, a bag of cash could hit you on the head from the sky — you never know in this wacky world that is determined by planets and the strange things that Susan Miller writes.

If you’re dealing with home matters, go through everything carefully. Think of it as a lice check and you as the fine tooth comb. With Mercury barely lifting a planetary finger over in Slothland, USA, you’re forced to be more careful than usual. Things have been moving slowly, I know. Ask me how long it took me to write these. But patience is a virtue and pistachio is an ice cream flavor and the 11th will be here before we know it.

When it comes to love, now through March is going to be the best phase of the year for “finding new love or celebrating the love you have now.” Why? “You will have the Sun, new moon, Neptune, Venus, and orbiting close to Venus, Mars, all in your house of true love” — “the sexiest, most glamorous group of planets possible to be in your true love house.” Amen. Always $trive And Prosper.

Sagittarius

Huh. Susan seems to think you are either in a legal case, traveling, or planning to go back to school right now. Though the three seem to be on different ends of the spectrum, here’s what they have in common: fleece zip-ups and, per Susan — good results.

This full moon of February 18th will keep you busy, especially if you work in publishing, advertising, broadcasting, film, the travel business, public relations, marketing, or sales. “You will be on your skateboard, for sure.” This fits in with the fleece theme?

Susan then takes us into one giant paragraph about your home improvement sector and how you’ll spend a large chunk of time deciding on paint chips. But do you care about this? No! (Maybe.) Here’s what everyone really cares about this month: LOVE. Only your Valentine’s day may come a week later.

TBH — a lot of the signs’ will, so I say we re-adjust the calendar now. If you’re single and dating then Venus and Mars will “move mountains to make love happen.” If you’re a mountain, Venus and Mars may be pushing at your butt. Don’t be too picky when someone suggests a potential match, and if you’re already hitched: do a staycation in bed.

Capricorn 

Last but not least since you just had a birthday, we have the Capricorn Candycornz, and for you be-horned beauties, it’s about money. You could be getting a bonus, receive university financial aid, an awesome scholarship or a scholarship for being awesome, a raise, or maybe you’ll be adopted by the same guy who adopts Little Orphan Annie and you’ll spend the rest of your life in a musical.

Susan Miller was truly $usan Miller this go-round, writing about cash flow for about 3,000 words.

“If you feel you need a fun, romantic vacation,” she finally says after pages and pages of dollar signs (boo hoo), “you have the right aspects to have a dream of an experience.” Aspects meaning money, dream-of-an-experience meaning…the ultimate vacation in Tulum, or somewhere else hot-n-tropical? Maybe you can swap spots with Mercury because planet’s been straight chillin. Either way, you’ll have Mars in your house of quick, short travel until the 19th. “The transiting moon will be in Capricorn, making it the perfect time for you and your sweetheart / spouse to book a cozy bed and breakfast inn in the countryside to enjoy private time for ‘just us two.'” And me too.

As for that weekend of February 21-22 that Susan Miller keeps hinting at romantically for everyone else? Focus on your home. Avoid Ikea, but do have a house party, and if you don’t mind, invite us all.

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej

Commercial Communication at the Super Bowl

Six of my girlfriends convened last night in an apartment to not watch the Super Bowl. We ate a lot of quinoa, called it a Super(food) (Grains)bowl party and discussed a recent article published in New York Magazine titled, “Not a Very P.C. Thing to Say.” The story addressed a relatively recent condition blanketing the public consciousness. It is being defined by a growing fear to offend anyone.

Amelia expressed her own lament, citing anxiety to write dating stories that refer to partners as boyfriends as opposed to boyfriends and girlfriends (what if a reader is gay?). I sympathized, acknowledging a growing confusion with the way in which I am to address genders — so many of us are no longer he or she, so what happens to the way in which pronouns are practiced in writing? The conversation ended abruptly when a seventh friend walked through the door with two pints of non-dairy ice cream and eventually, we moved away from the food vortex and found ourselves facing a screen broadcasting the aforementioned Super Bowl and its superstar commercials.

I cried twice — once when Microsoft, with its hashtag #empowering, followed a legless young boy, and then again when Always successfully reclaimed the phrase “like a girl” and turned it into a viral, pro-feminist hashtag. I rolled my eyes at McDonald’s for introducing a new currency to the filet-o-fish market, forgoing payment in dollar form for the sake of urging viewers to call their loved ones and share as much.

But then I called my parents and sang Stevie Wonder into their answering machine.

It was interesting to observe such a salient cultural shift in the way Super Bowl commercials are expressed — the funny was set aside to let tearjerkers prevail. My friend Roxana called it a ploy to earn consumer trust — sure, laughing provides value, but maybe that’s proven too fleeting. Sad tears you apart. It forces you to engage; it elicits an unflinching desire to hashtag, even if you don’t know why. But here’s my question: are we actually just reacting to our hypochondriacal fear of infraction?

My husband has this idea that only true comedians can arrive at their punchlines without offending at least a minority of their audiences. I wonder if this is true about self-deprecation, too, because if you’re not insulting your crowd and you’re not quite poking fun at yourself either, are you actually executing a joke? Can you be ha-ha funny? If the answer is no (and it doesn’t have to be), has our overarching sense of political correctness driven us to the point of nauseating earnestness? Or have we simply graduated from the necessity for comic relief?

New York Closets: Mija Knezevic

The closet of Mija Knezevic, online brand management expert who currently works in the marketing department at Thakoon, is a welcome remedy to the Monday morning closet blues. At first glance, you may question why you don’t own a pair of hot pink pumps, or why you never thought to pair a denim jacket with neck-to-ankle florals. But then, after a second round of outfit perusal you’ll realize that what Mija’s wardrobe proposes is a solid set of easy-to-amass basics: actual mom jeans, a pair of loafers, a crewneck sweatshirt, the aforementioned jacket. And once you’ve got that set, all that’s left to add is your own personal flair plus one proud head of messy, Monday morning, screw-the-brush hair.

Monday

When I was a little girl mixing black and navy was so taboo — I guess things have changed.

The Row sweater, Valentino necklace, Thakoon scarf, Acne jeans, Laurence Dacade boots

Tuesday

Frame denim is the ultimate booster to one’s self-confidence. I’m convinced they fit everyone perfectly, and Thakoon (my boss) makes the best knitwear, duh.

Miu Miu windbreaker, Thakoon sweater, Frame jeans, Thom Browne boots

Wednesday

It’s particularly endearing when, in a pile of clothes, you have something that is truly sentimental to you.  I inherited these jeans from my mom. She used to wash them all the time to get them to be as light as possible and then deliberately rip them. When I was younger, my only dream was to be as cool as my mom. She wore Levi’s 501s, white shirts, navy blazers, espadrilles and Byblos round sunglasses. That was as fashion-forward as it got in the 90s in former Yugoslavia.

Saturdays sweatshirt, vintage Levi’s, Paul Andrew shoes

Thursday

My ideal outfit: boyfriend jeans, flat shoes, a sweater and an elegant coat. I don’t like to dress up so I always try to make up for it with a coat.

Balenciaga coat, Maison Kitsune cardigan, Uniqlo t-shirt, Gap jeans, Golden Goose sneakers

Friday

My sister gave me these pants in London last year. London is one of my favorite cities and is where I received my first designer piece of clothing. I was about 7 years old; my dad and I were riding a double decker bus around West End and made a stop at the Burberry store where I got my first duffle coat. Family and clothes are of great importance to me, so I appreciate that I have stories with both.

Hermes sweater, Levi’s jacket, Miu Miu pants, Stella McCartney shoes

Check out Mija’s personal site here, and follow her on Instagram here.

MR’s Guide to the Best Oatmeal in NYC

Capital One may want to know what’s in your wallet, but at Man Repeller, we prefer the more spiritually fulfilling question, what’s in your belly?

It’s 9AM on Monday morning and snowstorm Juno has once again demonstrated its inability to perform, which means there is a 92.4% chance that you are seated at your desk and hungry, wondering when that caffeine jolt wore off and why you listened to me when I said to wear suede boots in lieu of snow ones on Saturday. I was just trying to help your overall mood but I now realize the real secret is in nourishment, or more acutely for this precise moment in time: oatmeal.

So here’s our guide to the best oatmeal in New York City as informed by the very stomachs who churn out this (insert bowel joke here) content (insert one more bowel joke here) and present such prolific analogies as: if car is to carriage, oatmeal is to porridge.

I’m sorry, what?

Think Coffee, 248 Mercer Street or these locations: It comes with either steamed cow’s or soy milk (or water) as well brown sugar and raisins. Tastes just like mom’s, a.k.a Quaker Oats, but heartier.

Liquiteria, 170 Second Avenue: If you have often thought about what manna topped with bananas and walnuts tastes like, this organic oatmeal is for you, Bible empathist. While additional toppings include raisins, green apple, brown sugar or cinnamon and honey, trust me when I say bananas and walnuts are the move. Also feel comfortable knowing that on the other end of this meal is a satisfied stomach until you can haul ass to Sweetgreen on Kenmare Street and continue on your quest toward expensive health food.

Organic Avenue, 62 Bleecker Street or these locations: These steel cut oats sell out faster than silly bandz at a camp convention and are incidentally very good for stabilizing blood sugar and making you poop. It is cheaper than most places ($3) and while you can opt for pumpkin seeds or dried cherries and almonds as a topping, I’m going to urge that you take the coconut shavings and sugar and run.

Joe’s Coffee at Columbia University: If you want to call this in an ivy league of its own, I will not stop you. Similarly, if you want to condemn Krista and Charlotte for choosing a breakfast soup indigenous to their past stomping grounds, go ahead. They make theirs with steamed almond milk (which provides for a near perfect texture that takes care of a sugar craving), walnuts, and sometimes, if you’re lucky, apples and cinnamon.

OatMeals NY, 120 West 3rd Street: This is the oatmeal mecca of NYC. Aside from the countless savory and sweet oatmeal concoctions they offer, they have a toppings bar where you can build your own bowl and it kind of puts the 16 Handles selection to shame. Indian Spice is particularly good.

The Butcher’s Daughter, 19 Kenmare Street: Call it oatmeal, call it muesli, whatever — the bottom line is that oats get soaked in almond or cashew milk and are then topped with more nuts, currants, raisins and cinnamon. The texture is crunchier than most other oatmeals and it’s filling-as-fuq. Like stick a fork in me filling.

From Amelia, the dramatic anti-oatmeal oatmeal lover:

If I am being real, I used to think Goldilocks was an idiot. What’s the point of breaking into a porridge household? That’s like the storybook equivalent of the bad snack house. You want the gushers and Doritos house. Goldilocks goes around trying everyone’s porridge and complains that it’s not right, and it’s like, hello, porridge sucks. It is literally hot oats. That doesn’t even taste good to bears.

Then I had a revelation. Oatmeal is only as good as its toppings, which is why my first pick for best oatmeal in this town is at Lafayette (380 Lafayette Street). It comes topped with fruit stewed in cognac and toasted almonds. Similar to the way I consume salads, I mostly eat all the fruit and almonds off the top and then declare I would like a bagel.

My second favorite oatmeal is from Cafe Cluny because they slice up bananas in the most beautiful way, and if there’s anything I’ve learned from Pinterest it’s that presentation is everything. I also like the candied pecans that come in the ‘meal and tend to spend the course of the dining experience fishing them out. And then I get a bagel.

And if you’re staying home and hate Seamless:

Bob’s Red Mill steel cut oats are thick and hearty. Boil hot water on the stove with the oats (use a rice cooker if you have one), mix in almond milk, add chia seeds if you’re feeing crazy and then douse it in cinnamon. Or raisins. Or both.

For a dessert oatmeal recipe: Add almond butter, peanut butter, dark chocolate, banana, and a dollop of maple syrup. Undercook it a little as the nut butters really thicken it up.

For savory oatmeal: Make with broth instead of water, add sauteed veggies, add cheese, add spices.

Finally, though I haven’t tried this: I also suggest pouring some matcha powder over your DIY oatmeal — if not because I suspect coupled with chia seeds, brown sugar, dried goldenberries and some cardamom it will be delicious with a capital D, then certainly because green eggs are so passé (pronounced pah-seh) in this vegan world we occupy. Long live the healthy, Seussian grain.

Did we leave anything off?

If You’re Thinking About What to Wear, Think About This

I came to a disturbing realization yesterday when, through the kind of caffeine jolt that is historically known to place the most simultaneously artificial and welcome “pep in my step,” I could barely not just get out of bed but subsequently utilize the muscles in my neck, which I have heretofore taken for spectacular granted, to keep my head up.

In messaging my lament to anyone who would listen, it occurred to me that I feel like a prisoner of the current climate. This has, of course, been propelled by an inability to wear what I want — the suede, lace up Johnny Weir/Bette Midler mash-up wunderkinds of my most recent footwear achievements, coupled with a pair of light wash, lightweight ripped, cropped and flared jeans and the kind of shirt that can hold its own and doesn’t quite need an underlying turtleneck to give it character.

Instead, I was forced to opt for bullshit ice-resistant traction shoes and several layers of legging thus rendering all jeans too tight. Is this what pregnancy will feel like? I won’t stand for it, which is precisely why as I began inching out my door, I said “fuck it,” took off the boots, the leggings and more of the leggings to change into a moot pair of fla$hy or trashy leopard print boots and those wanted. Was I was cold? A little. Did I feel 67382 degrees better? Absolutely.

So here’s what I propose: if you’re thinking about what to wear today, or tomorrow, or Monday, think about what to wear — not what will keep you warm. I’m going for the following.

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1. These cropped and flared Asos overalls, which feature a rip and will therefore look pretty cool with a pair of dotted sheer tights beneath them.

2. The now-ubiquitous J. Crew turtleneck, which I choose to wear in a shade of diarrhea green because I think it will pair well with:

3. This similarly colored button down shirt. I will button it until just about nipple height and likely opt for some version of a gold choker (4) to wear over the turtleneck portion of this party.

5. Now I’m thinking cardigan. So you see, I’m still relatively warm, I’m just not forcing it.

As for the grand finale — my shoes? First things first: camp socks. And because I’m wearing overalls that are kind enough to consider both the faint and thrill of heel, something in between, like, say, these.

Et voila: fashion prozac. You with me?