Emmy Yoshida's Blog, page 3

Why Becoming A Mum Is The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me

I will always remember when I first found out I was having Enzo. It was a moment which my life changed forever. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was round my mum’s house and it was January. I’d had a rather uneventful Christmas and New Year which was strange for me, and I had been unable to drink any alcohol; a blessing from God no doubt to protect the unborn child inside of me. It had been almost nine months since I had moved back from Australia and decided to leave the crazy life I had been leading behind me and grow up. I had decided to focus on my career and becoming an adult, but so far I had been unsuccessful with either of those things. My flatmate turned boyfriend was waiting at his mum’s house next door, while I sat in the bathroom at my mums house, (our parent’s were neighbours) perched on the edge of the toilet seat and waiting for my mum to tell me the news. Finally after a couple of minutes passed I grew impatient and asked her, “so has it changed yet or what?”

She didn’t even need to say anything, her expression spoke a thousand words; I was having a baby. I, probably the most wild, foolish, clumsiest wreck of a human being I had ever known was having a baby!

It was something I had never even thought about before; I had never been the type of girl to plan my future children’s names. But somehow the unthinkable had happened. My mouth dropped open in disbelief and I burst into tears. My first thoughts were how could I be a mother? I could barely look after myself, it was a wonder I was still alive! But my mum seemed to know from the start that I could handle it and as she reassured me I would be a great mum, I cried, “but I won’t be a girl anymore,” she held me in her arms and told me I would always be her little girl.

I didn’t know what to do but my boyfriend reassured me he would support me, which surprised me and confused me further. Deep down though I knew our relationship wasn’t built to last and I was right. After a lot of soul searching, and toing and froing we finally broke up when he proved that actually I would get more support from my push-up bra then I would from him. By the time I left and realised I was on my own I was already 14 weeks pregnant.

Most of the people I spoke to told me to get an abortion. My head was telling me that I couldn’t do it alone, but my heart was already in love with my child. I made an appointment to go to the abortion clinic, but the night before I prayed to God that my baby would be alright and if I couldn’t have it now that it’s soul would return to me again in the future.

As I lay down on to the table and the sonographer in the clinic performed a scan to assess the gestation of my pregnancy; the third scan I’d had at that point, the first thing I said to her was; “is my baby alright?” She looked at me sympathetically and we both knew then and there that I couldn’t go through with it.

“Would you like to see it?” she asked, and I nodded, the tears rolling down my face. She turned the screen around to face me and I peered at my baby on the monitor. He was already formed, so tiny and precious, a life, a future, a soul. I decided then that I could do it alone, that my baby and I were meant to be together and God had given him to me for a reason.

It’s probably not commonplace in an abortion clinic to give someone scan photos but she did, and as I walked out of the sonographer’s office clutching those black and white images of my baby I knew I had made the right decision.

People told me I was crazy, that I would need to live with my mum and I couldn’t be by myself, but within two weeks of cramming viewings in around my work schedule I had found our new home. I had decided to do this and I was going to do it independently, without relying on my mum or anyone else.

I was told that I would be alone forever and on benefits for the rest of my life, that I would never achieve anything worthwhile; and I have accomplished more in the short space of time since I have had Enzo than I probably have done in my whole life because he is my reason and my motivation.

It’s been almost three years since I had Enzo, and I haven’t regretted my decision once. Everyday with him is a blessing, and everyday he surprises me. I love watching him grow and cherish every special moment with my son. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy and has given my life more meaning than I have ever thought possible. He has made me realise what is truly important in the world and why life is worth living.

My mother gave me a card when I was pregnant which said; “the greatest love and the greatest achievements in life involve the greatest risks.” Life isn’t meant to be planned and safe. Sometimes the most rewarding prizes come at the end of the most turbulent journeys and he is the most beautiful, perfect prize any person could ever hope for.

Eastbourne Has Got Talent, Steet Dance Dude

Random moment yesterday as I was walking along Eastbourne seafront that I thought I would share with you!

You have got to watch this guy dancing, he was brocking out and giving it some and I had to film it. He must be double jointed or something cause he bends his limbs especially his ankles in directions that look painful.

Very cool, really brightened up my day. Respect anyone who has got the balls to just stand in the middle of the street in front of everyone and do that, follow your passions people whether it’s dancing, writing, eating or whatever else brings you happiness.

Enjoy life.

Youtube link is below, hope you enjoy watching it as much as I did! xxx

Interview of me for the Eastbourne Herald

Had a great day today and a new experience with regards to the promotional side of my book. I was very kindly asked to do a video interview on Eastbourne beach by the head of news for the Eastbourne herald; Dave king. They posted it online today and I am really happy with it!

Before any interview I always get a slightly nervous, deciding what to wear, running through answers in my head to possible questions which usually don’t get asked etc. Last night I was having a, I have nothing to wear dilemma and it seemed as it every garment hanging in my wardrobe was either dated, moth eaten or had lipstick stains on it! Finally I managed to pull together something with the help of my mum this morning, (definitely in need of some retail therapy asap!)

Anyway it was fun, and I hope that you enjoy watching the video which will give you a bit of background information about my novel Corrupted, my experiences of working as an exotic dancer and how they helped to inspire my book, and hopefully you might get to know me a bit better by watching it too.

N.B, I don’t usually pull that face, the sun was burning brightly in my eyes and I was trying to avoid being blinded by it lol!

Thank you so much to the Herald for interviewing me, especially Dave King. Always a pleasure and any excuse to sit on Eastbourne beach is always fine by me.

Click the link below to watch, take care folks! Love Emmy

http://www.eastbourneherald.co.uk/news/local/former-lapdancer-s-debut-novel-proving-a-big-hit-1-5284818

The Man Booker International Prize Readings – Highlights From An Inspiring Night

Last night was a truly inspirational evening; I was lucky enough to go to the Man Booker International Prize Readings at the South Bank Centre in London, and listen to some of the most renowned and critically acclaimed authors from around the world, reading from a hugely diverse range of work in a variety of languages and writing styles.

The authors who have been nominated for the prestigious award have devoted their entire lives to writing, and it was interesting to hear the vast cultural differences in their backgrounds and the extraordinary lives which most of them have lived. Their readings were not only a joy to listen to and absorb, but also wonderful glimpses of exotic unknown places and lives lived by people in far away continents, that I doubt even a documentary could have given as much insight into.

Each candidate for the prize was unique and talented in their own way so one can not even begin to imagine who the judges will award the prize to. There were several readings however that I know will stay with me forever, the work from astounding authors who have mastered their craft and can construct a sentence into a work of art.

My Highlights Of The Evening

The author Aharon Applefield’s life story touched me as much as his reading did. He was born in Romania in 1932 and when he was only 8 years old lived through the Nazi invasion which left him an orphan; or so he thought until he discovered his father was still alive 20 years later. He escaped the German concentration camp that he was deported to and served in the Soviet Army. An actor read from his novel, Blooms Of Darkness, the pain in Aharon’s words were palpable.

The scene read depicted the birthday party of a young boy and his pain from watching helplessly as his family and friends were slowly being taken away to work camps in the mountains. The few children left in the village attended his soiree, while the decreasing number of parents left did their best to put on brave faces, the sound of accordion music playing in the background, mocking and arousing their remorse. It was a great portrayal of the strength of the human spirit, particularly that of children who are so much stronger and wiser than most of us realise.

The extract made me think of the great courage Aharon must possess, to face such horrific memories and emotions by writing about them, educating and inspiring so many people by doing so.

Lydia Davies’ work was the biggest contrast to the others on the night; her light-hearted short stories which could even be described as witty insightful jokes, lifted the mood and made me wonder at how some people can have originality flowing through them to such an extent, that they manage to break so many boundaries and completely change our perceptions of what art is, so effortlessly.

Initzar Hussain transported the audience to a magical world where elephants and children alike run freely round the streets, and the simple majestic beauty of nature and the imagination of children.

Yan Lianke gave us a glimpse into a village in China, and the hysteria and awe of the villagers after a freak snowstorm cascades down during the middle of a suffocating heat wave. His description conjured such a vivid image in my mind that I could almost smell the crops, and feel the icy skin of the people as they pulled their summer blankets around their naked bodies in shock.

Marie NDiaye read in French and her translator read her words in English. Even without any comprehension of the words Marie spoke, I felt transfixed by her velvety french voice, as she told the story of a reunion between a father and daughter, punctuated with vivid, bold description that was at times humorous and so true to life that it seemed as if the scene was unfolding before my eyes.

Marie had her first novel published at the tender age of 18, she has broken many boundaries, has many accolades to her name and is an inspiration for writers everywhere, particularly women.

Josip Novakovich’s style was my personal favourite though; brutally honest, so much so in fact that one could describe his style using the famous Oliver Cromwell quote, “…warts and all.” His work was littered with warts, delicious, delectable warts that flashed of brilliance and originality, and were at times laugh out loud funny, and others dark. His last reading which dissected the sociology of the passengers on an underground train in New York captivated me from the start, the alpha males with their legs spread and rubbing against the other passengers, the beta males crossing their legs away and trying to avoid contact in a humorous fashion. His work is known for being violent and he is most famous for writing about the Yugoslav war; I am intrigued to learn more about this man who appeared to have such a jovial nature one could not imagine him knowing or writing about such atrocities. Such is the human psyche – multi-faceted and astounding.

Marilynne Robinson was unable to be at the event but her work was very profound; challenging the very perception of life and death. The extract from her book Gillead, depicted a scene in which a minister was going through the very acute pain but also pleasure one must go through when facing death, and re-living their lives simultaneously. He is saying goodbye to his son through a letter, and trying to pass on the biggest gift a parent can give to their children; their wisdom. It was very touching and yet another book that I must now go and read.

Overall it was an eye-opening experience. I was as mesmerised listening to the author’s read in their native tongues as I was to their translations. Their words were like music, and just like music, no language barriers can prevent them from being appreciated. No wonder these authors have broken so many barriers and had their work translated into so many languages.

Another thing which struck me about the evening was the astounding lives that have been led by these authors. Perhaps you do need to experience some things, good and bad, to really be able to engage readers? That is what I found truly inspiring about all of these authors; their lives are probably just as, if not more interesting than all the characters in their books put together.

Writers, What’s Wrong With Good Old Fashioned Pen & Paper?

As a writer in the modern day and age I can honestly say that the computer age has brought with it a long list of advantages that have made our jobs and lives infinitely easier. Not only is writing, saving and editing work a lot faster and simpler, but distributing it and finding an audience is an easier task and there are an infinite number of possibilities when it comes to publishing your work and making contacts.

But what about when it all goes wrong? I am sitting here right now, fighting the overwhelming urge to throw my computer against the wall and use my stiletto as a mallet, smashing my virus infected computer to smithereens and laughing manically whilst doing so.

Is it just me or do other writers also get frustrated with the so called advanced technology that we rely upon so completely? It feels at times as if our computers have us dangling by a thread above a cliff edge and we are clinging onto them for almost every aspect of our survival. Socially we need them to communicate, the thought of functioning without email, facebook or twitter is enough to drive most people off the proverbial edge and yet these social networking sites are also the bane of many of our existences, draining our limited time and leaving less available for real social, face-to face interaction.

We rely on them for our work, businesses are closed down within minutes without them, whole organisations can descend into chaos and mayhem, all because of a network crash.

I have been waiting for my laptop to be repaired now for three weeks. Three weeks of using a virus infected, ancient computer to carry out all my work-related affairs, writing and updating blogs, designing marketing material etc. A task which should take a few minutes is taking almost twenty and I am beginning to feel at my wits end. So I have decided that enough is enough. No more wasting my time drafting out chapters of my next novel only for the computer to crash moments after completing the last sentence. No more looking on Mary Jane from schools facebook statuses of how pissed off she is with her boyfriend today. No more spending hours of my time conversing with people I have never met in the hope to promote my book. No, I vow to go back to good old fashioned pen and paper for writing my next book.

Not only is there a delightful flow of words when pen is put to paper the old fashioned way, but I for one am starting to miss the good old fashioned writer’s callus. You know the big wart style bump that develops on your middle finger from having a pen resting against it, after spending hours writing furiously. I miss having a big ink stain on the back of my hand and being able to see the words I have written transferred on my hand like a tattoo; a tell-tale sign of academia and study. I miss writing something and re-reading it and the satisfying feeling you get when you hate what you’ve written and you can scrunch your piece of paper into a ball and fire it into your waste paper basket like a missile. Hell if you really hate it you can even burn it. Can you do that with a computer? Well yeah, but it would be a lot more expensive and the chemicals might be slightly more toxic.

And all this frustration in my life has stemmed from a single, idiotic movement. A sweep of my hand which knocked over a rather large glass of Kiwi Sauvignon Blanc over my keyboard, its entire contents dissolving my hard drive along with all my work. Seriously, computers might not be as flammable as paper, and your work might not be in danger of being swept off by a gust of wind into a pond when stored inside them, but then again they are not water-resistant and they are certainly not idiot resistant, hence my very annoying troubles.

So that’s it, computers I am leaving you, I am returning to the old school as much as possible from now on. I refuse to rely on a mass of wires and chips to function…Hold on I’ve just had another like on my Facebook page.

Corrupted Goodreads Giveaway!

Hi everyone!

Just to let you know that there is a Corrupted Goodreads giveaway on, from NOW until the 7th June.

Enter for your chance to get an exclusive signed copy of the book sent to you for FREE!

CLICK HERE TO ENTER & WIN!!!!!

Good luck, and please post me a review on Amazon or Goodreads if you get a copy!

Lots of love,

Emmy

Calling Single Mum’s Everywhere!

I am looking for women who want to share their experiences for a new book which I am currently writing.

The book is a guide for single pregnant women who may be going through a hard time dealing with coping with a pregnancy alone. It is something that I have experienced and looking back on it now, it was the hardest time in my life. Pregnancy is an emotional roller-coaster for women anyway but for those who are going through a break-up or separation and are facing the prospect of becoming a single mother, it can be even more terrifying.

The book will act as a guide and a comfort to women who are about to embark upon the overwhelming transition of motherhood independently, in the hope that it will be a support to them and help them to overcome any difficulties and conflicting opinions of others around them, so that by the time their baby arrives they are well prepared and positive about the future of themselves and the new precious lives that they are bringing into the world.

Please get in touch with any experiences you have, hopefully you can inspire and touch many peoples lives and I will be using any advice you have and stories of your experiences in the book, which is due to be published in July.

Leave a comment below if you would be willing to have a short interview with me, or email me at info@corruptedbook.com The world needs to hear your stories of triumph and strength and by taking part you could help a limitless number of women who are going through what you have.

Best Wishes and good luck with all of your journeys!

Emmy xxx

 

 

Is It Possible To Be An Author And Have A Social Life?

As I draft my second novel and begin making my ideas a black and white entity on the blank computer screen before me; I am beginning to contemplate one question; is it possible to be an author and have any semblance of a social life?

I know that once I begin to write, I will become so deeply submerged in the fantasy world in my head that the outer world will slowly cease to exist. The characters that I am creating will have more prevalence to me than the real people in my life and I will be shut off for many many months, lost in the intermingling battalion of words, flying around ceaselessly until it becomes impossible to remember that it’s Sally’s birthday Friday night, or Jane just broke up with her boyfriend and could use a girl’s night in or the such like.

The truth is that after three years of leading a hermit-like existence, the thought of becoming so wrapped up in my next book worries me slightly. I am eagerly anticipating the time-stopping, finger tapping rush of exhilaration I feel when allowing my words to flood out of me for hours at a time, but I am also anxious of the exhaustion I know I will have to deal with on a daily basis when I have been writing until three in the morning and my son wakes me up at seven.

This year has been amazing for me so far; I had my first novel published, have been successful in placing it into many stores, getting publicity, book signings, and as a result of my success I seem to be attracting people too. Am I ready to go back to the lonely nights where the only thing I have to keep me company is a coffee and my thoughts?

How do professional writers manage to balance their writing with their families and friends? Is it possible or are a writer’s only real friends the characters that they have imagined and fantasize about every night and day?

If anyone has any tips then I would appreciate it; in the meantime I will be limbering up and getting ready to dive head first into my next book, whatever the consequences will be on my social life. Happy writing everyone!

My Life Is Like An Open Book… Conquering Your Fear Of Publishing Your Work

Publishing a book is like opening your heart and mind to the world; one of my biggest fears before I published Corrupted was the vulnerability I would feel at having my work scrutinised. This was amplified because the book is partly based on my experiences as an exotic dancer; a time in my life that many people did not previously know anything about, including my father, who is Japanese and has very traditional beliefs and values.

After a lot of procrastination I finally decided to take the leap of faith and put my work out there for the world to see. After countless rejections from literary agents and a chance meeting at my writer’s group I decided to self-publish my novel, one of the best decisions I have ever made!

It was a long time before I deemed my work worthy enough to be read. I edited my work incessantly for about six months, before finally I concluded that it was the best it could be, and if I continued then I would probably drive myself completely insane.

The launch date for my book soon arrived and with it came my very first reading, which took place at my book launch party. Family and friends gathered to celebrate with me the culmination of a years worth of obsessive, locked up in my room every night until the early hours of the morning, work. My hands trembled and my voice shook as I read the first chapter of my novel to a room full of people, most of whom had not even read the back cover previously. It was daunting, scary, but it was also exhilarating to finally put it out there. When I finished and the people gathered applauded I felt happy, because I had been brave enough to face my fears; my fears of failure, rejection, criticism, and every other hindrance that stops people from following their dreams and passions and instead staying safely nestled in their safe comfort zone of normality and routine.

Eventually I began getting feedback from people who had read Corrupted. Some responses were terrific and unexpected; friends who usually take months to finish a book because of their hectic lives of juggling children, jobs, pets and husbands told me enthusiastically of how they finished the book in less than two days. Other acquaintances from long ago in Australia e-mailed and put announcements on Facebook of how gripped they were by my book and it was the best novel they’ve read in years. My Nan’s friends who are in their seventies raved about it and passed the book on to their daughters and friends, and the wives of journalists who had interviewed me messaged me to say how much they had loved Corrupted. Of course there were and still are others who I have not heard anything from, and I presume it wasn’t their cup of tea. But that’s alright because as my good friend Sereena reassured me when I was deliberating on whether to publish my book; novels are like art, completely subjective and everyone has entirely different taste.

So I have concluded that as long as there are people out there who enjoy reading my book, I am happy. And there is nothing more thrilling then getting a rave review; it makes the treacherous uphill journey of self-publishing all seem worthwhile.

Who knows what will happen in the future? Maybe I will be lucky and become one of the few struggling writers out there who manages to establish a career for myself, but even if I don’t, one day I can look back on this period of my life with pride and know that I gave it my all. I can pass my book on to my grandchildren in the hope that it can inspire them. After all that is what life is all about surely? A couple of years ago my mother gave me a post card with a quote on it and every day I look at it and it inspires me to continue on my path. It says; “remember great love and great achievements involve great risks.” The quote comforted me when I followed my heart and had my son by myself, the hardest and yet most worthwhile thing I have ever done. Every day that I spend doing what I love and moving towards my destiny I know I am taking a risk but who wants predictability and safety when you can have adventure and surprise?

How To Smash It At A Book Signing

Since my novel Corrupted was published in January I have been gaining experience gradually at book signings and readings. Initially the prospect of conducting a book signing was slightly terrifying for me, especially when I was booked in to do a reading in front of a room full of people; ( public speaking has never been my forte.) It seemed like a pie in the sky notion that would never really happen but surprisingly within a week of publishing my novel I had my first book signing event arranged. Since then I have conducted five signings in Sussex and South London, and each one has been more successful than the last in terms of sales figures. My last book signing in Kingston was brilliant, I had so much fun and the manager claimed it was the best one he’s had at the store since he started managing it. I sold 70 books; 30 more than Nigella Lawson and 50 more than David Walliams when they did one at the same store. Not bad for a self-published author eh!

I have learnt through trial and error how to make my signings as successful as possible and maximise the sales and exposure I get from them, and I hope that by sharing my experiences with you, I will help you to do the same with any signings you may have coming up.

My first signing was at a WHSmith’s store in my hometown of Eastbourne. It is a relatively small town but I had got the maximum amount of publicity one could expect to get beforehand; a write up in the local paper; the Eastbourne Herald, and a radio interview on BBC Radio Sussex the week before. I also printed leaflets which had been distributed to customers the previous week. I had very high expectations and was expecting people to turn up in their droves who had heard me on the radio or seen my piece in the paper. Boy was I wrong. I could have counted on one hand the amount of people who turned up because of the publicity I had got. It was up to me to do the leg work. I decided there and then that I would sell as many books as I possibly could. Luckily I’ve had experience with sales in the past, and although I was a little rusty it definitely helped. Here are my tips:

Approach as many people as possible:

One thing I learnt from doing sales is that you can not judge a book by its cover. My novel is aimed at women between the ages of 18-40 predominantly, but I found that actually the younger women were less inclined to stop and chat to me about the book. Surprisingly I sell just as many books to men at signings, congregating around what I call the man area of a bookshop;( where the computer magazines etc are.) When approached a lot of men are easily persuaded to buy a book as a present for their other half and are very amiable. Women of all ages are happy to chat to you if you have a friendly face and talk to them politely.

Engage People In Conversation

I find it is good to engage people in general conversation to get their interest. People don’t like a hard sell and it makes the day more enjoyable if you have a proper chat to people. I have met a lot of very interesting men and women when doing my signings and it is great to hear their stories too. If people like you they are more likely to want to purchase your book; if they think you are a pushy sales girl they are more likely to walk off.

Don’t be dis-heartened

There are going to be people who love the sound of your book; similarly there will be others who would rather gauge out their own eyeballs than read a suspense novel about an exotic dancer, or whatever your book happens to be about. Don’t be offended, everyone has their own tastes and the more people you ask, the more likely it is that you will meet someone who can’t wait to get stuck into your book. If you don’t ask you don’t get!

Smile

No one wants to be approached by a miserable monotone Minnie, with a face like a slapped arse. Who can blame them? So even if you aren’t in the best of spirits, plaster that smile on your face until your cheeks ache and keep it on there until packing up time, by which point it will probably be genuine anyway because you will have had an amazingly productive day and will be feeling rightfully proud of yourself. Fake it till you make it!

Give Out Flyers

To anyone who seems vaguely interested but hasn’t quite taken the bait, give them a business card or leaflet. You never know, when they get home or when they are on the train later they might download a copy onto their kindle, kobo, etc. It is still getting the word out there.

One-liners

Humour is a great way to connect with people and banter can make all the difference. One line I use regularly at my signings is, “ it’s a first edition book and when I am the next Jackie Collins you can auction off the book and buy a Ferrari; do you like Ferraris?” This line always goes down well and usually results in a sale. And you never know one day just one day, if I keep working hard……

Enjoy Yourself

There aren’t many people in the world who get to follow a career path which fills them with passion and enthusiasm. Writing can be a lonely job, and book signings are one of the few times when writers get to mingle and be sociable as part of their work. Make the most of it, not only are signings a great opportunity to promote your book, you never know who you might meet along the way. Have fun, and people will be instantly drawn to you. Be proud of your book and what you’ve achieved and you will be surprised at how positive people’s reactions are towards you!