Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 91

“We’d been friends for three years. We’d mostly see each other...

“We’d been friends for three years.  We’d mostly see each other at the Catholic Center on campus: picnics, group outings, stuff like that.  But then we started hanging out alone.  And one day during finals week we spent an entire day together.  We talked for six hours straight, and that night we ended up eating burgers at Five Guys.  Remember it was finals week, so I was stressed out and sleep deprived and not thinking clearly.  I started telling him that he’s so great, and that I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone, and suddenly I realize that I’m practically telling him that I like him.  And he’s got this blank expression on his face.  Total poker face.  So I panicked, and said something silly.”    
“She told me, word-for-word: ‘But don’t worry.  I could never date you.’  My heart sank.  I’d been planning on asking her out after finals.  I had a whole plan.  Suddenly it felt like I’d misread the last three years, and especially the last few months.  I tried to keep a straight face.  No crying.  And after we paid for the check, I dropped her off at the dorm and walked the entire two miles home.  I kept telling myself: ‘You can recover.  She’s still a dear friend.  Life has its ups and downs.’  Two weeks later I helped her move into a new apartment.  And we kept hanging out as friends for the next few months.  But then on Valentine’s Day, she sent me a neuroscience card.  It’s a bit of a tradition because we’re both neuroscience majors.  The card said: ‘Are you a neuron? Because you have action potential.’  Then she followed up with a text that said: ‘If a man really wants to impress me, he’d bring me pancakes and yellow roses.’  Suddenly things were looking up again.”

“Right now I just feel confused. It’s fear, really. I’m...

“Right now I just feel confused.  It’s fear, really.  I’m scared.  I’m graduating in a year.  I still don’t know what I want to do.  I’ve always wanted to be a leader in something.  But I don’t know what that is exactly, and I feel like if I’m not doing it already, then I’ll probably never be a leader in it.  So it’s a lot of stress.  The one thing that’s giving me solace is the thought of being a mom.  I’ve wanted to be a mother since the age of four.  I used to put blankets under my shirt to pretend like I was pregnant.  I love taking care of people.  And if I can’t conceive, I’ll adopt.  I’ve got everything figured out.  I didn’t think about it much in high school or middle school.  But now that the future is in such close proximity, motherhood has become my security blanket.  I think about it whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed.  Since everything seems to matter so much right now, it’s my way of saying: ‘nothing really matters.’  Because at least I’ll have a family.”

“I owned a frame shop in Atlanta for thirty years. But every...

“I owned a frame shop in Atlanta for thirty years.  But every time I went to a theater and sat in the audience, I got the feeling that God had come and left without me.  I just knew that I was meant to perform.  Then one day a woman walked up to me in a health food store, and asked:  ‘Do you always talk like that or do you have a cold?’  I said: ‘Excuse me?’  And she told me that she wanted to cast me in a BMW commercial.  I thought it was a freebie.  But on the way out of the studio, they asked for my social security number.  $750 for three minutes on the mic!  I thought: ‘I need more of this.’  I started taking acting classes.  I got cast in a few local plays.  I moved to New York on my 50th birthday.  I wasn’t about to sit around in my later years wondering if my soul had gotten what it needs.  I drew unemployment for the first time in my life.  But by 2003 I was a member of SAG.  By 2005 I had a speaking part on Law and Order SVU.  And at the age of 62 I was given a full scholarship to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts.  Things have dried up a bit since then.  I had to take care of my mother for six years.  And it’s hard for women of a certain age to get cast.  But it ain’t over yet.  Things happen when they’re supposed to happen.  And I’m a firm believer that nobody can get what is yours to have.  And I will tell you this: I’ve already envisioned what I’m wearing the first time I get invited to the Oscars.  Red mermaid dress, fitted from the waist to the knees, and flaring out at the bottom.  A stand-up collar that frames the back of my head.  Stunning neckline.  And a king’s ransom of rubies on loan from Harry Winston.”

“We had dorm rooms next to each other freshman year. We mainly...

“We had dorm rooms next to each other freshman year.  We mainly just played a lot of board games: Risk, Scrabble, Scattergories, a Trivial Pursuit game from the 1980’s, which everyone sucked at.  But we became best friends, and the next year decided to get a house together.  That’s when things started to get tense.  We began sitting closer together.  We were touching more.  We’d play with each other’s hands.  Never holding hands, but playing with hands.  And we’d even fall asleep in the same bed together.  There was a time that she told me goodnight, and I swear I felt her brush my lips, but by the time I opened my eyes she was out of the room.  Neither of us had ever dated a woman.  And I was terrified to try anything.  We were such good friends.  There was always this fear that if I voiced the desire, it would ruin our friendship.  But one night we were out for drinks at a hotel where Al Capone used to stay.  I was feeling pretty drunk, so I leaned over and said: ‘Sometimes I feel like I want to kiss you.’  And she replied: ‘Sometimes I do too.’  I didn’t say a thing.  I wasn’t even sure that I’d heard her correctly.  I just kept thinking: ‘Oh my God, it’s happening.  It’s happening.’  Then once we finished our drinks, and started walking home, I stopped her in front of a bridge.  I said: ‘Shall we do it here?’  It was December 12th, 2002.  And even though we got married five years ago, that’s the day we celebrate as our anniversary.”

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

“We worked in the same IT department. I think our colleagues...

“We worked in the same IT department.  I think our colleagues knew earlier than we did.  Whenever we’d go out, they kept trying to sit us next to each other.  She always seemed really interested in me.  She’d ask me a lot of questions.  But I felt really nervous because I’d never had a girlfriend before, and I didn’t want to mess it up.  So I kept things professional for about eight or nine months.  But then one night a group of us went to the club.  We were all having fun until a tall, blonde guy asked her to dance.  I had to think quickly.  I knew it was time to make a move.  Somehow I needed to separate them, but I didn’t want to escalate the situation.  This was a very tall man.  So I thought: ‘It’s time to dance.  You need to dance now.’  I wasn’t quite ready because I hadn’t had enough to drink.  But thankfully I’d just learned some dance moves from the movie Hitch.  Slowly I wedged myself between them.  I backed in,  butt first, using my special moves.  I didn’t even make eye contact with the guy.  Thankfully he gave up.  We danced together for about an hour.  At some point the rest of our colleagues went to the bar and left us all alone.  That’s when she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.”

“Most teachers say I have messy handwriting but I’m just trying...

“Most teachers say I have messy handwriting but I’m just trying to write quickly so I can get it over with.  The assignments don’t make sense.  I’m not sure why our teacher is always saying ‘write about this’ or ‘write about that.’  If I decide to be an author, I’m not going to write about other people’s books or the play we just saw on a field trip.  I’m going to write about monsters.”

“He was the first person I saw when I stepped off the plane. It...

“He was the first person I saw when I stepped off the plane.  It was a gathering of religious scholars in the middle of the Australian outback.  I’d just received a grant to study creativity.  He was a rabbi.  Most beautiful rabbi you’ve ever seen.  So beautiful.  A few nights later we were smoking a joint beneath the stars with a famous social psychologist, expert on The Self, and we began to talk about essentialism.  I didn’t have much to add, but the rabbi was so eloquent.  Beautiful rabbi.  Eloquent rabbi.  I fell in love.  We kept in touch after the event.  And eventually I moved to New York so we could be together.  But the relationship only lasted two months.  Maybe because I’m a lapsed Catholic and he’s a rabbi.  Might not look good to the congregation.  But recently we took a trip to Philadelphia for a fresh start.  We ate some chocolate pot balls at the art museum.  Then on the night following the winter solstice, we ate some molly, danced in the heated pool on top of our hotel, and decided to give it another try.  He gave me this ring as a sign of our recommitment.”

“I was going to Arizona State when my dad passed away. I didn’t...

“I was going to Arizona State when my dad passed away.  I didn’t handle it well.  Sort of fell apart.  I had just paid $9,000 for the fucking semester.  I opened my laptop, dropped the semester, opened up a new tab, bought a one-way ticket to New York, and threw myself a going-away party.  Once I got here, I started working in retail.  But on the side I was writing about Fashion Week for a blog called Style Cartel, shout out to Charlotte, Muslim like me.  And every time I went to these events, I’d introduce myself as a stylist.  I kept saying: ‘I style athletes and celebrities.’  I didn’t give a fuck.  Then suddenly I started getting clients for real: actors, NFL players, you name it.  Now I’m up to 42 clients.  Down to two days a week in retail.  Pure hustle.  No Miami mommy money.  Well I’m not going to lie.  I did have a sugar daddy first year,  billionaire, you’ve heard of him.  But never fucked him.  Anyway, the one thing I’ve always wanted to do is go back to school.  Cause I promised my dad.  Then one night I was watching Billions and there’s this psychologist who always keeps the men in check.  So I peeped the psychology degree at Hunter College, walked into the admissions office, and told the lady: ‘My transcripts are trash.  My dad died of cancer.  But I’m intelligent.  I need a second chance.’  The deadline had already passed, but she ended up doing me a solid.  She performed some sort of alchemy on my transcripts and came out with a 2.6 GPA.  That was enough to get me in the door.  I just finished up my second semester.  Now I’ve got a 3.5 GPA.  Plus the teachers love me cause I’m entertaining in class.”