Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 66

“My parents are Christian. They were always telling me stories...

“My parents are Christian.  They were always telling me stories as to why God was omnipresent, and omniscient, and omnibenevolent.  Our teachers at school would try desperately to cover all the holes.  They’d be unable to answer contradictions and inconsistencies, but for some reason they held on to their beliefs.  My whole life I’ve been trying to not be like them.  I took joy in finding flaws in other people’s beliefs.  Because it’s always easier to find the flaw in a system then to amend it.  But now I’m getting older, and I’m kind of looking for a belief system.  It seems like a starting point.  A psychological anchor of sorts.  Yesterday one of my teachers told a story about how his cat died, and he buried it in the backyard, but wild dogs dug it up.  He was devastated.  But his wife quoted him an ancient Buddhist principle , it’s very short, only four Chinese characters, and it calmed him. That’s the power of a belief system.  The ability to be comforted by a single sentence.“
(Hong Kong)

“Two million people came out for a protest on June 16th. It was...

“Two million people came out for a protest on June 16th.  It was hot.  It was sweaty.  I didn’t feel like going.  But I went to represent myself and what I believe.  Even if change seemed unlikely, I wanted to represent my values.  There was a lot of shouting on that day.  There were a lot of swear words.  But there was no hate.  It was all about what we wanted to happen: democracy, human rights, free speech.  But something changed as the weeks went on.  People got more desperate.  The government started pulling our permits.  Protests were made illegal.  Police began to use violence.  In the beginning we’d just run away, but at some point people began to hit back.  It became an eye for an eye: using hate speech, setting fires, breaking the windows of ‘pro-China’ businesses.  And that’s when I stopped participating.  It stopped representing my values.  If we’re fighting for free speech, then it has to include everyone.  Even people who are supportive of China.  Because if we threaten and intimidate anyone who disagrees with us, then we become what we’re fighting against.”
(Hong Kong)

“I was thirty years old. The economy had collapsed. My husband...

“I was thirty years old.  The economy had collapsed.  My husband had just passed away.  I had two young children.  I was working as a teacher but it wasn’t enough.  It wasn’t enough to send my kids to school.  It wasn’t even enough to feed a family.  So I found an agency that helps you find jobs overseas.  They taught me to work in other peoples’ homes: how to cook, how to clean, things like that.  On the day that I left Indonesia, my children were four and six.  I brought them to my sister’s house.  I explained I had to go to work.  Just ‘go to work.’  That’s all I said.  I’ve been gone now for almost twenty-five years.  I could only visit my children every two years, when I was given a vacation.  But I did provide for them.  I sent all my money to my sister.  I paid for their school.  And they did well.  They are both in pharmacy school now.  But recently they’ve told me how much I hurt them.  They’re older now and I guess they think I can take it.  They told me how everyone else had a mom.  And how hard it was for them.  I always wonder what life would have been like if my husband hadn’t died.  Sometimes I blame myself.  I left my children.  What kind of mother leaves her children?  I still have one year on my contract, but after that I want to go back to Indonesia.  I’ve grown old already.  I hope I can become closer to my kids.  I have two grandchildren now.  I want to know them.  I just hope I can make it better.”
(Hong Kong)

“I’m retired. Some people tell me to do volunteer work, but I...

“I’m retired.  Some people tell me to do volunteer work, but I don’t have the heart for it.  I’m not looking to spend the last part of my life taking care of other people.  I’m tired.  I’ve worked my whole life.  It was a nightmare out there.  Only way up the ladder was to stomp on other people.  Unless you stomp on someone, you’ll never get a promotion.  It’s your only chance.  And after you’ve given your coworker a good stomping, the boss will hire his own relative for the job.  Terrible, but that’s the way it is.  Everyone is out for themselves.  Don’t even get me started on my wife’s family.”
(Hong Kong)

“He hid it from me for four years. The whole time I believed he...

“He hid it from me for four years.  The whole time I believed he was in love with me.  He was always saying: ‘I love you.’  Always: ‘I want to be with you.’  And he seemed to care so much.  He’d always ask about what I read, and what I learned, and what I thought.  We’d talk about our future together.  I was so happy.  The world seemed so beautiful.  Until one night we were eating dinner, and his phone rang.  He glanced at the screen then put it down quickly.  Something felt strange, so I told him to answer it.  But he refused.  And that’s when I knew.  I pressed him for days until he finally admitted everything.  I went through all his emails.  All the things he ever told me, he’d told her too.  Word for word.  Everything had been lies.  They’d even travelled together when he claimed to be on business trips.  My world was broken.  I haven’t dated for years.  So many of my previous understandings have lost their meaning.  I no longer know what ‘loyalty’ is.  Or ‘commitment.’  I can’t even use the word ‘love’ anymore.  I used to say it all the time: ‘I love this,’ or ‘I love doing that.’  Now I just say that I ‘want’ to do something.  Or I use the word ‘happy’ a lot.  Like: ‘I’m happy to be with you.’  But never ‘love.  Because I don’t know what that is anymore.”
(Hong Kong)

“I worked for a financial services company in northern China. I...

“I worked for a financial services company in northern China.  I really wanted Hong Kong to be a light for the Chinese people to see democracy in our system.  And that’s why I got in trouble.  I downloaded some pictures of the protest onto my phone, and shared them on my personal social media.  But somehow the management of my company found out.  My boss wanted me to quit my job and sign a letter of regret.  He’d written it out for me.  But I refused, and he fired me.  He sent a letter to the whole office saying I was anti-country.  The next day the local police came to my door.  They took my blood, and my photo, and my fingerprint, and my palm print.  They charged me with ‘provoking troubles.’  It’s a crime that doesn’t require strong proof.  It’s a pocket they can put anyone in.  They made me sign a letter promising never to provoke troubles again.  And if I do, next time it won’t just be the local police who knock on my door.”
(Hong Kong)

“I think most teachers try to act like they’re a higher status,...

“I think most teachers try to act like they’re a higher status, and they’re above us.  It’s probably because our parents are  paying them to teach us things.  Maybe they’re just taking the teaching part a little too serious.  But our art teacher Ms. Grierson isn’t like that.  She’ll admit her mistakes.  She’ll point out her own flaws.  She gives off this vibe like she’s not just a teacher, and you can talk to her about more than just school.  You can tell her about your personal life.  But not just your problems,  you can also tell her fun stuff like what you’re going to do on the weekend.  She’s also crazy.  Really crazy.  One kid brought in an umbilical cord from his mother, and everyone was freaking out, but she didn’t even care.  I used to think that art was like drawing a person and it had to look perfect.  But Ms. Grierson says, and I’m quoting her on this: ‘Art doesn’t have to look good, because the process is more important.  It’s about how you came up with the idea.  We’re here to pose questions, not give answers.’”
(Hong Kong)

“I just want things to go back to normal. I’m middle aged....

“I just want things to go back to normal.  I’m middle aged.  I’m over fifty now, and I just want a stable life.  I want to pay off my loans.  I want to retire.  I can’t afford for things to get worse.  I work at a shopping mall, and Christmas is coming soon.  It’s very important for our business.  Whenever there is a protest, we have to completely close the mall.  Every day less tourists are coming, especially from mainland China.  Our shops can’t afford to pay the rent.  Soon they’ll have to close.  Most of the protestors are very young.  Maybe I’d have joined them when I was their age.  I respect them.  I understand where they’re coming from.  But they don’t know what it’s like to have burdens.  They’re not married.  They don’t have children.  A lot of them get money from their parents.  It’s easy to have dreams and ideals when you have no burdens.  I’ve always believed that Hong Kong is a part of China.  And stability is better than poverty.  What good is democracy if you’re poor?  They’d probably say I’ve traded my ideals for money.  But it isn’t money.  It’s burdens.  When they’re my age, they’ll know.”
(Hong Kong)

“I was twenty-one when I first left the Philippines. My father...

“I was twenty-one when I first left the Philippines.  My father had just passed away from cancer.  We had a big family: four brothers and four sisters.  And there was nobody to support us.  There was no work in our province, so I had to leave.  I’ve been working abroad for fifteen years now.  I’m a domestic helper.  I’ve been lucky because my employers have been kind.  But I’ve been away for so long.  It’s been a hard battle for me.  It’s been a sad life.  Sad in a way.  Sad because of what I’ve been through.  But victorious in a way, too.  Because I’ve seen my family better than before.  Three of my siblings have graduated from university with my help.  And I’ve paid school fees for loads of nieces and nephews.  Being a domestic helper is a tough job, but it’s a clean job.  It’s an honest job.  And I worked hard at it.  I’m proud of what I’ve done.  I don’t want to seem like I’m boasting.  I’m not proud in that way.  But proud in a way like I did my part.  I finished my goal for my family.  And when I’m finished with my current contract, I’m going home for good.”
(Hong Kong)

“I’m pretty sure life is going to start sucking around 15 or 16...

“I’m pretty sure life is going to start sucking around 15 or 16 because that’s when I have to get my first job.  After that everything looks pretty scary.  Adults don’t have an actual life.  You can’t go outside.  You don’t get to hang out with friends very much.  Maybe text a little, but that’s it.  You just wake up, get ready for work, then work, then maybe watch a little TV, then go to bed.  All of it seems depressing.  But apparently everyone has to do it.”
(Hong Kong)