Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 253

“There are days when I can be great at my job and there...

“There are days when I can be great at my job and there are days when I can be a great mom. I’m trying to have as many days that I can do both at the same time. And I’m learning to forgive myself on the days that I can’t.”

“I just defended my dissertation.”

“I just defended my dissertation.”

“I can walk around this city and point to 200 or 300 buildings...

“I can walk around this city and point to 200 or 300 buildings I’ve worked on. Sometimes I go a little overboard with the pointing.”

“We always let her do her own thing. When she was in first...

“We always let her do her own thing. When she was in first grade, she decided she wanted to go to church. So we drove her there every Sunday morning, dropped her off, and picked her up when the service was done. The church directory was so funny. There were all these family pictures, and then there was the poor little orphan Eileen. She stopped going to church at sixteen. So I guess you can say it worked.”

“I cried so hard when they called her name that I...

“I cried so hard when they called her name that I started choking and my son asked if I needed an ambulance.”

“She got here, but she got here the hard way. If she’d...

“She got here, but she got here the hard way. If she’d listened to me in the first place, she’d have gotten here the easy way.”

“We were living in London. My school year started a couple...

“We were living in London. My school year started a couple months before hers ended, so I had to leave early for New York. She was always very supportive of me. She told all her friends at school that her mom was going to “Coo-Loom-Byah.”

“Dad, please don’t say anything stupid.”

“Dad, please don’t say anything stupid.”

“When I was depressed, it felt like I was walking through mud...

“When I was depressed, it felt like I was walking through mud all the time. My head was filled with thoughts like, ‘If my friends knew who I really was, they wouldn’t love me.’ And, ‘What right do I have to exist?’ And, eventually, ‘Why do any of us have the right to exist?’ If people were being kind to me, I wasn’t able to access that kindness. It wouldn’t produce a feeling in me. If a child smiled at me from a stroller, it might lift me up for a millisecond, but then I’d fall back into darkness. Before I was depressed, I could find joy in things so easily. I worked as a gardener, and I learned the calls of the birds so I could tell where they were just by listening. I loved to show new plants and insects to children, and see how excited they’d get. I made a 50th birthday card for my sister, and got strangers from all over the world to write ‘Happy Birthday’ in their language. But during my depression, I couldn’t access any of that joy. I’d try reminding myself that other people had bigger problems. I’d try telling myself to quit being weak, and to snap out of it. But nothing worked.”

“I’m trying to come back to work after a period of depression....

“I’m trying to come back to work after a period of depression. I’ve battled it off-and-on my whole life, but two years ago the wheels just completely came off. I’d just had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with my friends, and I went to sleep in a good mood, but then the next day I couldn’t get out of bed. I was still in bed four days later when my boss started calling. The next two years were a battle. I lost my job. I was hospitalized three times. I filled a giant binder with information about depression, where to find programs, and how to appeal your insurance company. I felt like I was fighting for my life. I’d call a hospital that specialized in a certain type of therapy, and they’d tell me they didn’t take my insurance. I’d say: ‘Please help me. I’m dying.’”