Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 193

“I’m just trying to survive. I don’t have any money in the...

“I’m just trying to survive. I don’t have any money in the bank. I pick up whatever minimum wage jobs that I can, mainly fast food. At the job program, they tell us that we should never tell an interviewer: ‘I need a job.’ Instead we’re supposed to say: ‘I like customer service.’ That’s true for me though. I do feel good when I’m providing customer service. It helps me not worry about all the other stuff in my life.”

“I’m trying to find the thing that motivates me to get me out...

“I’m trying to find the thing that motivates me to get me out of bed every morning. Basketball makes me come to the park every day and work hard. Now I just need to find the thing that makes me work hard on everything else. I want to get my grades up to a 4.0. Now that I’m talking to you, I think my main motivation is going to be my mom. Her dream is to have a house where we all live on different floors. I’m not sure about that idea. But I do want to get her a house.”

“We’ve been together for ten months now so...

“We’ve been together for ten months now so we’re trying to keep the passion alive.”

“I started studying Christianity more ever since my husband...

“I started studying Christianity more ever since my husband joined the seminary. I’m not offended by it. When you step back from the literal interpretation, you realize that so much of the Bible is aimed at survival. Look at all the crazy dietary restrictions. Homosexuality was forbidden because it didn’t lead to reproduction. For the same reason, if you had sex during your wife’s period, you had to sacrifice a hamster in the temple. The people who wrote the Bible were speaking with the only language that they knew at the time—survival. When I step back from that, I see a book that attempts to use symbols and stories to understand the source of life. And that source is depicted as completely loving. And I think that’s beautiful.”

“I felt attracted to other boys when I was four years old, but...

“I felt attracted to other boys when I was four years old, but by the time I hit puberty, it felt like a tractor beam was pulling me toward another person. I didn’t know any other gay people. There was no Internet back then. I had no information about life beyond my neighborhood, church, family, and friends. So I thought I was sick. I considered suicide when I was thirteen. I had the pills measured out and everything. But I picked up a psychology textbook from the library, and it said that all teenage boys go through a phase of sexual exploration. So I thought: ‘It’s just a phase. I can handle a phase.’ I thought as soon as I had a heterosexual encounter, it would all go away. It was a lie, of course. But it got me through my teenage years. And by the time I realized it wasn’t a phase, I’d developed so many other parts of my identity. I’d become good at swimming, running, and playing the cello. I was making good grades. I was even smoking pot. So by the time I finally accepted being gay, my identity was based upon a lot more than my sexuality.”

“We started out just hooking up but then it got serious and that...

“We started out just hooking up but then it got serious and that was weird so we stopped dating for awhile, but then we realized it’s OK so we started dating again and now it’s great. I hope that doesn’t sound bad. That sounded bad. I mean, it was the correct information but I presented it in the wrong way. This is weird. I look like a dick. Ask him a question now.”

“You don’t have to show your skin to get...

“You don’t have to show your skin to get attention.”

“I’m still a junior resident so I only do basic surgeries. But...

“I’m still a junior resident so I only do basic surgeries. But once I left such a small scar after removing a man’s gallbladder that he sent me a box of chocolates.”

“I think I felt entitled to success because I’m smart and I’m...

“I think I felt entitled to success because I’m smart and I’m good at stuff and I work hard. Maybe ‘entitled’ isn’t the right word, but I just thought things would happen for me. I went to a private school in DC—the same place that Obama’s kids go. Then I studied film at Columbia. But not much has happened for me since. I guess the main thing that I lack is single-mindedness. I’m too scattered and complacent. I have a hard time finishing things. I paid to go on a screenwriting retreat recently. It was a bunch of New Yorkers at an old monastery in the middle of Italy. It was a magical, quiet place, and we didn’t talk until noon, and I managed to finish about 60 pages of a screenplay. I left feeling very motivated. But when I got back to New York, I lost focus again. Recently I had my ten-year reunion at Columbia, and that was pretty traumatic. Some of the kids from my film program had become famous. Everyone seemed to have a good job. I used to pride myself on not being focused on money. Now I’m thinking that would have been preferable to not having focus at all.”

“I’m a Customer Engagement Program Operations Director with a...

“I’m a Customer Engagement Program Operations Director with a pharmaceutical company. I started working there twenty years ago. At the time, it was just a temporary position. I was writing standard operation procedures to ensure FDA compliance. It was boring and technical, but I was trying to become a theater director and needed the extra income. I remember looking at my coworkers, and thinking: ‘I’m not one of them. I’m just here to make money and leave.’ But I moved to a full time position after my daughter was born. I didn’t want her to be at the mercy of me wanting to become an artist. Soon I no longer saw myself as different than my coworkers. The sense of ‘other’ disappeared. I realized that nobody saw themselves primarily as an employee at a pharmaceutical company. A few years ago, the company gave us a survey to test our morale. One of the questions was: ‘Do you have a best friend at work?’ Everyone laughed at that question. But I do have a best friend at work. His office is down the hall and we’ve seen each other every day for ten years. And that does make a big difference in my life.”