Stuart R. West's Blog, page 69
January 20, 2013
Wake-up Call
So, last night my wife punched me in the shoulder at 3 a.m. and said "you ran right through that stop sign." Well, no, I didn't. HELLO! Sleeping.
But dreams are a funny thing, aren't they? A couple weeks ago, I had a dream about a tiger race of people/animals. There were three brothers, all pilots, preparing for war against an intruding force. They're all born of royalty, but one was a traitor. Fine. If I ever write a fantasy, I'm set. Thanks to spicy nachos and restless sleep.
When people ask where ideas for your books come from, dreams are a good deal. I need to start keeping a dream journal. Along with a stun gun if my wife gets violent again.
So, fellow writers, keep a dream journal handy. It's the best tool along with perseverance. And the afore-mentioned stun gun. You never know.
But dreams are a funny thing, aren't they? A couple weeks ago, I had a dream about a tiger race of people/animals. There were three brothers, all pilots, preparing for war against an intruding force. They're all born of royalty, but one was a traitor. Fine. If I ever write a fantasy, I'm set. Thanks to spicy nachos and restless sleep.
When people ask where ideas for your books come from, dreams are a good deal. I need to start keeping a dream journal. Along with a stun gun if my wife gets violent again.
So, fellow writers, keep a dream journal handy. It's the best tool along with perseverance. And the afore-mentioned stun gun. You never know.
January 18, 2013
Dear Dog Of Destruction
(A personal note to my dog, but y'all are welcome to eavesdrop):
What did we ever do to you? Didn't my wife snatch you from one of her students who found you pillaging in their trash? Didn't we take you into our house and offer you food, love and shelter? Haven't we set you up with a heated doggy pillow? So why do you repay us with such obvious disdain?
Okay, you're not allowed on the sofas. I'm only allowed on them after a shower. Doesn't give you human rights. You gotta stop ripping the crap outta' the sofa when the mailman comes. Yes, he brings bills and fliers about hair removal. But you can't know that. Even if you did understand "humanese," it's still not a reason to tear up the house.
One time you were so pissed at the mailman, you put your paw through a glass picture frame. Who was there to rush you to the doggy doctor, sick at the sight of all the blood? And who had to put up with the questions and nervous looks as to why I had blood stains all over the back seat? I was nearly branded a serial killer, thanks to you, my fine, furious, furry friend. But I've stayed with you through thick and tics.
And what's the deal with trying to sniff my crotch when I wake up? I've never tried it, but I can guarantee it ain't purty. I never promised you a rose garden. So cut it out!
But when I look into your golden eyes, angry at you when you've destroyed another piece of furniture? I melt. You had me at your expert facial licking.
P.S., chocolate's not good for you. It's like toxic lima beans. Only deadlier.
Your playpal,
Stuart
What did we ever do to you? Didn't my wife snatch you from one of her students who found you pillaging in their trash? Didn't we take you into our house and offer you food, love and shelter? Haven't we set you up with a heated doggy pillow? So why do you repay us with such obvious disdain?
Okay, you're not allowed on the sofas. I'm only allowed on them after a shower. Doesn't give you human rights. You gotta stop ripping the crap outta' the sofa when the mailman comes. Yes, he brings bills and fliers about hair removal. But you can't know that. Even if you did understand "humanese," it's still not a reason to tear up the house.
One time you were so pissed at the mailman, you put your paw through a glass picture frame. Who was there to rush you to the doggy doctor, sick at the sight of all the blood? And who had to put up with the questions and nervous looks as to why I had blood stains all over the back seat? I was nearly branded a serial killer, thanks to you, my fine, furious, furry friend. But I've stayed with you through thick and tics.
And what's the deal with trying to sniff my crotch when I wake up? I've never tried it, but I can guarantee it ain't purty. I never promised you a rose garden. So cut it out!
But when I look into your golden eyes, angry at you when you've destroyed another piece of furniture? I melt. You had me at your expert facial licking.
P.S., chocolate's not good for you. It's like toxic lima beans. Only deadlier.
Your playpal,
Stuart
January 12, 2013
Virginia L. Jennings and The Alien Mind
Hey guys, meet Virginia L. Jennings, author, good friend, and moderator of the Facebook page, Where Writers and Authors Meet: http://www.facebook.com/groups/wherewritersandauthorsmeet/. Her mission is to help other writers and give them a forum to chat about their issues, problems, restraining orders, whatever. She's also a real Renaissance gal. She wrote her middle grade sci-fi epic, The Alien Mind AND illustrated it. Plus, she wrote and published two books while she was still in diapers. Well, not really, but what, Virginia? 18 years old. I had some burning questions for my pal, Virginia. Here they come.
What age range are you writing for, Virginia?Typically I prefer to write for the 4th-8th grade demographic. It has always been a challenge to me to find science fiction books, other than the short star wars novellas, that children of this age range would enjoy. So I set out to write a book that I would have enjoyed reading at that age.
Do you feel kids that age are capable of comprehending the complex multi-world view you’re portraying?
I believe children are capable of comprehending almost anything if only we can find a different way to explain it. When I set out to write this book I did not want the reader to feel overwhelmed by a large amount of techno mumbo jumbo while still being able to enjoy pondering the abstract concepts that were being described in the book.
It’s a clichéd question, but what truly inspired you to write your novel? The answers you can NOT give are “your children” or a “dream.” Sorry, my rules. Your rules made me chuckle! But no, this story was not inspired by a dream or my children. I did not have any children when I started writing this book. I was really into watching the new Enterprise television series at the time. I wanted to write a science fiction book that could be as enjoyable as star trek without having to live within the confines of that star trek universe. I also wanted to write a book using a realistic theory of space travel. I went to my local library and dived into some quantum physics books to try to find some theories on space travel that I might be able to turn into an idea. One idea blossomed into another and I was off writing again. Another thing that was important to me, was to write an inspiration to others to never give up and to always try to learn and try to succeed even when things look impossible. Which is why my characters have learned to manipulate the laws of physics, not by genetics or a chemical disaster, but by the traditional method of learning and training.
The alien race, the Aruk, are quite interesting. How do you truly see them? Are they evil? Or just doing what’s natural to them? Do you empathize with them?Good question! I did not originally plan for them to be this way but the Aruk and the Aunantet end up becoming parallels to the two sides of humanity, the conquers and 'big shots' vs. the helpers and teachers. The Aruk are not pure evil incarnate, they have simply allowed their power to go to their heads. The Aunantet as a species have developed this ability to use their minds to their full potential, which gives them power over sickness, over the elements, and over even the laws of physics. They are not gods, they do still have limitations and flaws. The Aruk, however, are a separatist faction of the Aunantet who believe that they are better than the other species in the galaxy because of their abilities, knowledge, and power. Therefore they have decided that it would be best if they were in control.
This is something that can naturally happen to any living thing, humans do it, animals in the wild do it. It should follow then that aliens would have this flaw to grapple with too! I empathize with them in so much that I understand what it feels like to be pretty good at something and want to take over doing a task because you feel that you could do it better, and yet you still feel threatened when someone else comes along that sounds like they might be just as good as you are. It is in our human nature. One of my favorite aspects of writing is being able to analyze human nature and portray it from an objective point of view.
My favorite parts of the book are the earthbound scenes between Rivinaig and Daniel. They ring true and are sweet. Any basis in truth?No I never dated an alien.
Seriously though, no the scenes in the book are not based on true scenes in any shape or form. However they are based on what I looked for in a friend (and later in life a husband). I looked for someone who was not afraid to be themselves even in moments of weakness. Someone who could be brave and bold when necessary, and still just an every day person all other times. I looked for friends who were 'real' people, not those who were part of the 'perfect' crowd. I wanted to build for Rivi a lasting friendship with someone who accepted her, as we all want to be accepted for who we are.
Without giving anything away, um, there’s no romance! Not that I’m a romantic guy or anything, but I almost thought you were setting us up for that. So, what’s up with THAT?There is no blatant romance because Rivi, in the book, is going through way more than any kid her age would have to go through (being abducted and all). Another issue I grappled with is that most normal kids of Rivi's age are not ready to be delving into the life long decision making issues that having a romantic relationship brings. I just thought it would make more sense for her to have other things on her mind than relationships on that level. So I decided to leave that out of the story.
However, that is not to say that a romantic relationship is not budding there-
Good, 'cause I'm a Rivi-Daniel shipper. Just don't tell anyone, 'kay? You wrote a moving middle-grade book AND supplied your own accompanying artwork. From your bio I read online, you’ve had two books published by the age of eighteen. I’m envious and furious. I don’t know whether to congratulate you, cyber-hug you, or pay someone to have your knee-caps busted ‘cause I’m so jealous. This isn’t a question. Just let me fume in silence for a while.Lol- you can fume away ;) I totally understand! The publishing world does not make sense.
Have you had any “proper” education in writing or art?When I started writing Visionary From The Stars and The Alien Mind I had only a middle school education under my belt. Since then, I have completed a few screenwriting and storytelling college courses, as well as English and science courses. I completed a year and a half (I think) of my associates in screenwriting with the Academy of Art before I decided I would rather become a middle grade science teacher and inspire the next generation of kids with science. I had a year left on my bachelors in education/science before life got in the way. I would like to return in the future, but we shall see where life takes me.
In our screenwriting courses we were taught how to set up scenes and how to take still photos. However, everything I know about the art of illustrating has been self taught.
What’re you writing next? I hope a sequel to The Alien Mind. This time, give us some romance. I know. I'm sounding kinda' chick-flickish, aren't I?I am not entirely certain that the sequel will be the next project to begin spilling its way from my mind to my fingers. I DO have plans for a sequel to The Alien Mind which will probably call for more romance than what you see in this first book. However, right now there is a story that I call The Sword Of The White Knight that I am working on in my mind. You can find out more about that one in my blog. It keeps begging for my attention so it may be the next one in line as I tend to go where my muse takes me. I will say this though, if enough people really want a sequel fast my muse can often be easily persuaded. ;)
http://www.amazon.com/Alien-Mind-Virginia-Lori-Jennings/dp/1480111562/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1358048895&sr=1-1&keywords=virginia+jennings+alien+mind%5DThanks, Virginia! Check out her heart-felt book, guys.
What age range are you writing for, Virginia?Typically I prefer to write for the 4th-8th grade demographic. It has always been a challenge to me to find science fiction books, other than the short star wars novellas, that children of this age range would enjoy. So I set out to write a book that I would have enjoyed reading at that age.
Do you feel kids that age are capable of comprehending the complex multi-world view you’re portraying?
I believe children are capable of comprehending almost anything if only we can find a different way to explain it. When I set out to write this book I did not want the reader to feel overwhelmed by a large amount of techno mumbo jumbo while still being able to enjoy pondering the abstract concepts that were being described in the book.
It’s a clichéd question, but what truly inspired you to write your novel? The answers you can NOT give are “your children” or a “dream.” Sorry, my rules. Your rules made me chuckle! But no, this story was not inspired by a dream or my children. I did not have any children when I started writing this book. I was really into watching the new Enterprise television series at the time. I wanted to write a science fiction book that could be as enjoyable as star trek without having to live within the confines of that star trek universe. I also wanted to write a book using a realistic theory of space travel. I went to my local library and dived into some quantum physics books to try to find some theories on space travel that I might be able to turn into an idea. One idea blossomed into another and I was off writing again. Another thing that was important to me, was to write an inspiration to others to never give up and to always try to learn and try to succeed even when things look impossible. Which is why my characters have learned to manipulate the laws of physics, not by genetics or a chemical disaster, but by the traditional method of learning and training.
The alien race, the Aruk, are quite interesting. How do you truly see them? Are they evil? Or just doing what’s natural to them? Do you empathize with them?Good question! I did not originally plan for them to be this way but the Aruk and the Aunantet end up becoming parallels to the two sides of humanity, the conquers and 'big shots' vs. the helpers and teachers. The Aruk are not pure evil incarnate, they have simply allowed their power to go to their heads. The Aunantet as a species have developed this ability to use their minds to their full potential, which gives them power over sickness, over the elements, and over even the laws of physics. They are not gods, they do still have limitations and flaws. The Aruk, however, are a separatist faction of the Aunantet who believe that they are better than the other species in the galaxy because of their abilities, knowledge, and power. Therefore they have decided that it would be best if they were in control.
This is something that can naturally happen to any living thing, humans do it, animals in the wild do it. It should follow then that aliens would have this flaw to grapple with too! I empathize with them in so much that I understand what it feels like to be pretty good at something and want to take over doing a task because you feel that you could do it better, and yet you still feel threatened when someone else comes along that sounds like they might be just as good as you are. It is in our human nature. One of my favorite aspects of writing is being able to analyze human nature and portray it from an objective point of view.
My favorite parts of the book are the earthbound scenes between Rivinaig and Daniel. They ring true and are sweet. Any basis in truth?No I never dated an alien.
Seriously though, no the scenes in the book are not based on true scenes in any shape or form. However they are based on what I looked for in a friend (and later in life a husband). I looked for someone who was not afraid to be themselves even in moments of weakness. Someone who could be brave and bold when necessary, and still just an every day person all other times. I looked for friends who were 'real' people, not those who were part of the 'perfect' crowd. I wanted to build for Rivi a lasting friendship with someone who accepted her, as we all want to be accepted for who we are.
Without giving anything away, um, there’s no romance! Not that I’m a romantic guy or anything, but I almost thought you were setting us up for that. So, what’s up with THAT?There is no blatant romance because Rivi, in the book, is going through way more than any kid her age would have to go through (being abducted and all). Another issue I grappled with is that most normal kids of Rivi's age are not ready to be delving into the life long decision making issues that having a romantic relationship brings. I just thought it would make more sense for her to have other things on her mind than relationships on that level. So I decided to leave that out of the story.
However, that is not to say that a romantic relationship is not budding there-
Good, 'cause I'm a Rivi-Daniel shipper. Just don't tell anyone, 'kay? You wrote a moving middle-grade book AND supplied your own accompanying artwork. From your bio I read online, you’ve had two books published by the age of eighteen. I’m envious and furious. I don’t know whether to congratulate you, cyber-hug you, or pay someone to have your knee-caps busted ‘cause I’m so jealous. This isn’t a question. Just let me fume in silence for a while.Lol- you can fume away ;) I totally understand! The publishing world does not make sense.
Have you had any “proper” education in writing or art?When I started writing Visionary From The Stars and The Alien Mind I had only a middle school education under my belt. Since then, I have completed a few screenwriting and storytelling college courses, as well as English and science courses. I completed a year and a half (I think) of my associates in screenwriting with the Academy of Art before I decided I would rather become a middle grade science teacher and inspire the next generation of kids with science. I had a year left on my bachelors in education/science before life got in the way. I would like to return in the future, but we shall see where life takes me.
In our screenwriting courses we were taught how to set up scenes and how to take still photos. However, everything I know about the art of illustrating has been self taught.
What’re you writing next? I hope a sequel to The Alien Mind. This time, give us some romance. I know. I'm sounding kinda' chick-flickish, aren't I?I am not entirely certain that the sequel will be the next project to begin spilling its way from my mind to my fingers. I DO have plans for a sequel to The Alien Mind which will probably call for more romance than what you see in this first book. However, right now there is a story that I call The Sword Of The White Knight that I am working on in my mind. You can find out more about that one in my blog. It keeps begging for my attention so it may be the next one in line as I tend to go where my muse takes me. I will say this though, if enough people really want a sequel fast my muse can often be easily persuaded. ;)
http://www.amazon.com/Alien-Mind-Virginia-Lori-Jennings/dp/1480111562/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1358048895&sr=1-1&keywords=virginia+jennings+alien+mind%5DThanks, Virginia! Check out her heart-felt book, guys.
The Ultimate Blow-out: Chicken Vs. Turkey!
I'm from Kansas and apparently quite a dumb Kansan at that.
You'd think I'd know the distinction between a turkey and a chicken since I live in the midwest. You'd be wrong. I mean, okay, everything I taste is formulated around the ground zero of chicken. It's like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, minus the actor, minus the bacon, add the chicken. Very complex equation (but if you add a side of bacon in again, you might have something. Hold the Kevin.).
So, my wife brings home a turkey, cooks it up. Tastes great. I like turkey "drumsticks." Anyway, I've eaten two of the drumsticks outta' the refrigerator and then I find another. And yet another. From the same turkey! THE SAME TURKEY, YOU GUYS! Four drumsticks!
What?
Did this turkey grow up by a chemical waste plant or something? I asked my wife why our turkey has four legs. After much eye-rolling, pantomiming and frustration, I sorta' intuited the answer.
I guess the turkey is the stronger of our fowl brethren with buffed-up, muscular upper arms that I mistook for bonus drumsticks. And it gets even stranger. The turkey apparently has many more bones in its legs than chickens do. New one on me! Why in the world would a turkey have more bones in its legs then a chicken? Do they bully the barnyard? Are they bad-ass fowls with thighs of thunder? Femurs of fury?
Edible nature sure can be kooky.
You'd think I'd know the distinction between a turkey and a chicken since I live in the midwest. You'd be wrong. I mean, okay, everything I taste is formulated around the ground zero of chicken. It's like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, minus the actor, minus the bacon, add the chicken. Very complex equation (but if you add a side of bacon in again, you might have something. Hold the Kevin.).
So, my wife brings home a turkey, cooks it up. Tastes great. I like turkey "drumsticks." Anyway, I've eaten two of the drumsticks outta' the refrigerator and then I find another. And yet another. From the same turkey! THE SAME TURKEY, YOU GUYS! Four drumsticks!
What?
Did this turkey grow up by a chemical waste plant or something? I asked my wife why our turkey has four legs. After much eye-rolling, pantomiming and frustration, I sorta' intuited the answer.
I guess the turkey is the stronger of our fowl brethren with buffed-up, muscular upper arms that I mistook for bonus drumsticks. And it gets even stranger. The turkey apparently has many more bones in its legs than chickens do. New one on me! Why in the world would a turkey have more bones in its legs then a chicken? Do they bully the barnyard? Are they bad-ass fowls with thighs of thunder? Femurs of fury?
Edible nature sure can be kooky.
January 6, 2013
Tex, The Witch Boy Has Landed!
And he didn't even land on a broom. Come on. He ain't that kinda' witch.
Well, heck and hollah, had I paid more attention to my emails, I would've found out my first book came out two days ago! Which sorta' proves my wife right that I don't pay attention.
Here's the link, guys: http://tinyurl.com/texthewitchboy
A little background. It's a YA thriller, murder mystery, lightly paranormal, comedic, dramatic, romantic mash-up about high school bullying. My main character's just an ordinary kid trying to survive extraordinary circumstances. Bullying, sadistic gym teachers, DODGEBALL, finding out he's a witch (not even a warlock!), and...someone killing the bullies at his high school. A lot of this book is based on my high school life, combined with my daughter's recent soujourn into the hallways of heck. Except we didn't know serial killers (um, at least that we know about).
It was a hard book to write. Just because the issue of bullying is tough. But I lived through it. So can you guys. If my book can help anyone out there going through bullying survive, then it made it all worth while. Read it, hate it, love it, just pass the word on.
Well, heck and hollah, had I paid more attention to my emails, I would've found out my first book came out two days ago! Which sorta' proves my wife right that I don't pay attention.
Here's the link, guys: http://tinyurl.com/texthewitchboy
A little background. It's a YA thriller, murder mystery, lightly paranormal, comedic, dramatic, romantic mash-up about high school bullying. My main character's just an ordinary kid trying to survive extraordinary circumstances. Bullying, sadistic gym teachers, DODGEBALL, finding out he's a witch (not even a warlock!), and...someone killing the bullies at his high school. A lot of this book is based on my high school life, combined with my daughter's recent soujourn into the hallways of heck. Except we didn't know serial killers (um, at least that we know about).
It was a hard book to write. Just because the issue of bullying is tough. But I lived through it. So can you guys. If my book can help anyone out there going through bullying survive, then it made it all worth while. Read it, hate it, love it, just pass the word on.
January 5, 2013
2012. Seriously. You guys remember that year?
Well, 2012 came and passed much to the sound of nothing. I racked my juvenile brain for highlights. Here's what I came up with:
*We're still here! I'm glad the Mayans are a buncha' liars.
*"Bieber Fever" gave way to "One Direction Indigestion."
*Lindsay Lohan's still in trouble (yawn).
*Is Grey's Anatomy still on?
*It was the year the world fell in love with Honey Boo Boo and her mother (no, wait. I meant Channing Tatum. I always get them mixed up. Honey and her mother are two of the horsemen of the apocalypse).
*The election! I know I shouldn't get into politics, but HOOZAH! Now, if we can only get congress on board. (And just 'cause I live in Kansas, PLEASE don't hold me responsible for a lotta' these midwesterner politician's beliefs).
*Hurricane Sandy was horrific. My sympathy for all the East Coasters and everyone else touched by it.
*These random acts of violence on people need to stop. Everyone, look out for your neighbor, both mentally and physically. If someone seems depressed, despondent, whatever--no matter how odd they seem--take time out to ask 'em if they're okay. It's becoming a scarier world and it's up to us to make it less frightening. 2013's gotta be better for us, our children, and future generations.
*We're still here! I'm glad the Mayans are a buncha' liars.
*"Bieber Fever" gave way to "One Direction Indigestion."
*Lindsay Lohan's still in trouble (yawn).
*Is Grey's Anatomy still on?
*It was the year the world fell in love with Honey Boo Boo and her mother (no, wait. I meant Channing Tatum. I always get them mixed up. Honey and her mother are two of the horsemen of the apocalypse).
*The election! I know I shouldn't get into politics, but HOOZAH! Now, if we can only get congress on board. (And just 'cause I live in Kansas, PLEASE don't hold me responsible for a lotta' these midwesterner politician's beliefs).
*Hurricane Sandy was horrific. My sympathy for all the East Coasters and everyone else touched by it.
*These random acts of violence on people need to stop. Everyone, look out for your neighbor, both mentally and physically. If someone seems depressed, despondent, whatever--no matter how odd they seem--take time out to ask 'em if they're okay. It's becoming a scarier world and it's up to us to make it less frightening. 2013's gotta be better for us, our children, and future generations.
December 28, 2012
My Plumber Ran Over Bigfoot!
Everything's connected. In a strange way, every detail, every little thing that happens to people is connected in a weird sorta' fashion. The circle of life, the odd connectivity that unites us all in a "what the hell's up with that" sorta' sensation.
My wife dropped a makeup brush into the sink. She, being much more handy than I am, took the trap out, yet the brush traveled further along its journey. To oblivion, I guess, to join the world where missing socks go. No matter.
Time to call in the plumber.
He showed up, chattier than Cathy. Friendly to the point where you wondered if you should start a neighborhood watch, he carried on, postponing his next appointment. He talked up my wife about the comfortability of humidity in the house. Being more social than I, she put up with it and nodded and "ahhed" accordingly. I--like all writers--eavesdropped from a safe distance, zoning out , but when he brought up "Bigfoot," he had me.
Last year, the plumber went to a baseball game with his wife and ran over Bigfoot. Something huge, hairy, scary, raced out in front of his truck and he ran it down. Hopping out, he found no trace of anything, other than a messed up front end of his vehicle. But he knew it was the big fella'. In return, the plumber gave Bigfoot a few back problems, I'm sure.
Now, I don't know how tightly wrapped plumbers are. They make more money than I do, but that ain't saying anything. But I believe him. The universe is a funky dancer, gyrating wildly while the mind remains a wallflower. I find it odd that I've always hankered to write a Bigfoot novel and actually, I dunno, try to make it readable. I know, right? Goofy. But, I've thrown down my own personal challenge. And for this particular plumber to come into our house--having killed Bigfoot with his four wheel truck of death--well...the fates are telling me Bigfoot's time has come.
I guess I'm saying, listen to your plumbers. They see things. They know things. He's reading my palm next week (and fixing the seal on the upstairs toilet).
My wife dropped a makeup brush into the sink. She, being much more handy than I am, took the trap out, yet the brush traveled further along its journey. To oblivion, I guess, to join the world where missing socks go. No matter.
Time to call in the plumber.
He showed up, chattier than Cathy. Friendly to the point where you wondered if you should start a neighborhood watch, he carried on, postponing his next appointment. He talked up my wife about the comfortability of humidity in the house. Being more social than I, she put up with it and nodded and "ahhed" accordingly. I--like all writers--eavesdropped from a safe distance, zoning out , but when he brought up "Bigfoot," he had me.
Last year, the plumber went to a baseball game with his wife and ran over Bigfoot. Something huge, hairy, scary, raced out in front of his truck and he ran it down. Hopping out, he found no trace of anything, other than a messed up front end of his vehicle. But he knew it was the big fella'. In return, the plumber gave Bigfoot a few back problems, I'm sure.
Now, I don't know how tightly wrapped plumbers are. They make more money than I do, but that ain't saying anything. But I believe him. The universe is a funky dancer, gyrating wildly while the mind remains a wallflower. I find it odd that I've always hankered to write a Bigfoot novel and actually, I dunno, try to make it readable. I know, right? Goofy. But, I've thrown down my own personal challenge. And for this particular plumber to come into our house--having killed Bigfoot with his four wheel truck of death--well...the fates are telling me Bigfoot's time has come.
I guess I'm saying, listen to your plumbers. They see things. They know things. He's reading my palm next week (and fixing the seal on the upstairs toilet).
December 17, 2012
These Mayans Have Gone & Ruined My Day
Well, crap, the end of the world is just days away and I haven't finished my Christmas shopping. I mean, why bother? If we're all dead, fruitcakes won't matter. Since the Mayans have been kind enough to give us some advance notice about the end of days, I've been thinking.
How does one prepare for the end of the world? I suppose I should start making amends. I need to look up little Markie Meyers and tell him I'm sorry I stole a comic book from him in the third grade. I could holler at the neighbor across the street, "hey, maybe you're not such a heinous bitch after all!" Nah. Scratch that. Seems to me I should top her list.
My daughter's somewhat of a calendar expert. She works at a calendar and games kiosk at the local mall. I asked her if she had any Mayan calendars. I wanted to see if they just disregard December 22nd through the 31st. Her response? "Whatever, Dad." (By the way, the two biggest selling calendars at my daughter's workplace? One Direction and Justin Bieber. Talk about portents of the end of the world!).
"Whatever." It's this cavalier attitude about the impending destruction of the world that's got me up in arms. I think we should all live the day like it's our last. I've been squeezing out so many extra "love yous" to my wife, daughter and mother, they think I'm a living Hallmark card.
And maybe I'm just procrastinating and don't want to finish Christmas shopping.
How does one prepare for the end of the world? I suppose I should start making amends. I need to look up little Markie Meyers and tell him I'm sorry I stole a comic book from him in the third grade. I could holler at the neighbor across the street, "hey, maybe you're not such a heinous bitch after all!" Nah. Scratch that. Seems to me I should top her list.
My daughter's somewhat of a calendar expert. She works at a calendar and games kiosk at the local mall. I asked her if she had any Mayan calendars. I wanted to see if they just disregard December 22nd through the 31st. Her response? "Whatever, Dad." (By the way, the two biggest selling calendars at my daughter's workplace? One Direction and Justin Bieber. Talk about portents of the end of the world!).
"Whatever." It's this cavalier attitude about the impending destruction of the world that's got me up in arms. I think we should all live the day like it's our last. I've been squeezing out so many extra "love yous" to my wife, daughter and mother, they think I'm a living Hallmark card.
And maybe I'm just procrastinating and don't want to finish Christmas shopping.
