Daniel Sherrier's Blog, page 51
February 3, 2014
My books pass the Bechdel Test
The Internet taught me about a little something called the Bechdel Test.
Basically, the test asks, “Does this work have (1) at least two women (2) who talk to each other (3) about something other than a man?”
Granted, there are excellent movies and books that fail this test, such as Back to the Future and The Dark Knight, but male characters tend to dominate the fiction landscape. Balance is a good thing.
I’m pleased to report that Earths in Space easily passes the Bechdel Test many times over, and the upcoming sequel will continue that.
RIP seems more ambiguous. Of the two main female characters, one can’t directly perceive the other. Nevertheless, even if we disqualify any Serissa/Kalli interactions, there are still scenes of Kalli talking with female students, and not all of Serissa’s chats with female ghosts revolve around Rip. It might not earn the ‘A’ Earths in Space does, but it passes.
So, in Kermit the Frog voice, yaaayyyyy!!!!
January 26, 2014
Presenting the “it’s really darn cold out” sale
It’s freezing, but there’s one force in the known universe that will warm your mind.
Imagination! Imaginary warmth is hot stuff. Where do you find imagination? Why, in a book, of course!
So, to help take your mind off the cold, I’m putting the Earths in Space e-book on sale for 99 cents (down from $1.99).
And remember, the RIP: Touch e-book is permanently free at Smashwords.
Both Earths in Space: Where Are the Little Green Men? and RIP: Choices After Death are enrolled in the Kindle Matchbook program, by the way. This means if you purchase the paperback edition through Amazon, you can get the Kindle version at no extra charge.
Now get in from the cold and spark the fire of your…imagination!
(It’s fun being cheesy, isn’t it? I don’t know what that cheetah thought was so hard.)
January 23, 2014
“The Play About Homecoming”
In the spirit of Throwback Thursday, I present the first play I ever wrote. I was 17, and it’s an exaggeration of actual events.
Please do not use without permission. Any school interested in this ridiculous show should contact me.
“The Play About Homecoming”
By Daniel Sherrier
Characters:
Natalie, Corrie, Virginia, Dick, Billy, Sid
(Natalie, Corrie, and Virginia are standing downstage, looking out to the audience as they pantomime getting made-up. They put make-up on, do their hair, etc.)
Corrie: This is going to be interesting…
Natalie: So, Corrie, your date’s really 22?
Corrie: Huh-uh.
Natalie: And he asked you to Homecoming?
Corrie: Yep. I guess when Virginia mentioned I didn’t have a date he felt bad and decided to be nice. It would be better if I actually knew the guy though…
Natalie: Is that even legal?
Virginia: Don’t worry. Billy seems all right. At work, he’s always really nice to me.
Natalie : And what about your date? He’s from your work, too, right? How old is he?
Virginia: Oh, Sid’s our age, but, uh, he is an…unusual person.
Corrie: Unusual?
Virginia: You’ll see when you meet him. To be honest I didn’t really want to go with him. I mean, I’ve only known him a couple of days, but it was him or no one. Besides, I couldn’t turn him down.
Corrie: Last resort dates are so much fun! At least Natalie knows Dick.
Natalie: Yeah, that’s one guy we all know.
Virginia: Oh, it’ll all be fine. This has to be better than going by ourselves.
(Lights dim. When the lights return, the couples are seated at a table. Everyone is dressed-up nicely, except for Sid, who wears extremely bright, tacky, multi-colored clothing. Stage right of the table is the women’s restroom, and stage left is the men’s restroom. Restrooms are represented by simple signs; no sets for restrooms are necessary. At the table, there is awkward silence for a few moments.)
Corrie: So…
Sid: So…
Virginia: So…?
Billy: So…This is everyone’s senior Homecoming, heh? I remember mine. I was the star football player, and I almost single-handedly won the big game.
Corrie: (unimpressed) Did you, now?
Billy: (nostalgic) You should have seen me. It was the last quarter. We were losing by a single point until I made the play that saved the game.
(Everyone is bored by this conversation.)
Natalie: Oh, Dick, I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to worry about paying for my dinner. I’ve got it.
Dick: Don’t worry about it, Natalie. I don’t mind paying.
Natalie: Are you sure?
Dick: Really, it’s no problem.
Corrie: Same offer, Billy. I’ll pay for my dinner.
Billy: By all means, go right ahead.
Corrie: Oh. Okay.
Sid: Dumb move there.
Billy: Really.
Sid: I can’t stand those guys who insist on paying for everything. Are they idiots? Chivalry is so pointless and outdated.
(Dick forms fists and begins to rise. Natalie grabs him and pulls him back down.)
Natalie: So, uh, where are you going to school now, Billy?
Billy: Nowhere. You see, I kind of dropped out.
Natalie: Oh.
Billy: Yeah, I’ve been living in my parents’ basement for the past couple of years. It’s really not that bad.
Sid: It’s free rent. Can’t beat that.
Billy: Well, I do have to deal with the spiders. I usually trap them in glass jars. I think I’ve found four or five different species down there so far.
Virginia: That’s, uh, very fascinating, Billy. (quickly turns to Sid) So, how’s it going, Sid?
Sid: Ooh, look at this…(picks up a knife and a salt shaker) Assault with a deadly weapon. (laughs at himself; Billy laughs, and everyone else cringes.)
Virginia: Aren’t you clever?
Dick: Natalie, that’s very nice perfume you’ve got on.
Natalie: Thank-you, Dick.
Sid: What’s the point of perfume?
Billy: Really. What are you girls trying to hide?
Sid: (sniffs Virginia) I’m sorry, Virginia, but that perfume just reeks. Your natural body odor must smell better than that.
Virginia: (anger escalating) It…reeks? My expensive perfume reeks?
Sid: Did I say it with a stu-stu-studder? It reeks! You sure wasted your money on that one.
Natalie: Uh, Virginia, your, uh, make-up’s smeared a little. Come with me.
(Natalie and Virginia go to the restroom. Billy stands up.)
Billy: ‘Scuse me. Nature’s calling my name, and it waits for no man.
Corrie: By all means, go.
(Billy enters restroom and walks off-stage. There’s an awkward silence at the table.)
Virginia: Tell me this isn’t happening.
Natalie: It’s only been a few minutes. I’m sure things will get better.
Virginia: You didn’t have to ride in a car with him.
Natalie: You’ve got a point there.
Sid: Hey, do you wanna see a magic trick?
Corrie: Sure, why not?
Billy: (singing from off-stage) “I believe in miracles…”
(Sid takes out a dollar bill and folds it so that it becomes upside-down.)
Virginia: He spent the entire ride telling me how much he adores the alien women on Star Trek. Natalie, he finds them attractive. The green skin, the messed-up foreheads…He says they’re hot.
Sid: Pretty cool, huh?
Dick: (flatly) That’s great, man. Really.
Natalie: I’m sorry, Virginia.
(Billy enters and looks toward the audience as if he’s looking in a mirror. He tries to act all suave and cool as he combs his hair, dances around, etc.)
Corrie: That’s an interesting outfit you’ve got there, Sid.
Sid: Thanks. I made it myself.
Virginia: What was I thinking saying yes to that guy?
Natalie: Look, things can only get better.
Corrie: You sew?
Sid: I’m captain of the Sewing Team at school. It’s a nice way to get in good with the girls, let me tell you.
Corrie: Gotcha.
Virginia: He was telling me about the magazines he reads. They’re the ones you find in the back room of the store.
Natalie: Oh, my–
Billy: Oh, yeah. Those chicks are so into us.
(Billy returns to the table.)
Natalie: Are you sure he wasn’t joking?
Virginia: He was serious.
Natalie: Ooh, that’s rough…
Virginia: What do we do?
Natalie: (thinking it over) Well…
Billy: So what’s keeping the girls?
Natalie: Uh…
Corrie: (really slowly, as if speaking to a young child) Make-up can be very complicated. It’s not like just having to comb your hair. It takes a lot of work and time and money. We go through a lot of effort to get made-up nice.
Sid: Make-up’s just too much trouble.
Billy: I know, and girls could be just as pretty without it, if not prettier.
(Corrie slaps her forehead.)
Natalie: Um…
Dick: Oh, boy…
Natalie: I guess we’ve just gotta go back.
Virginia: No!
Natalie: We have no choice. We have to.
Virginia: But…But…
Natalie: Virginia…
Virginia: All right. Let’s go.
(Natalie and Virginia return to the table.)
Sid: Do you see how long that took? Does that not prove our point?
Virginia: What point?
Dick: (looking at menu) Ooh, they have Veal Parmesan here!
Corrie: Do they? I just love Veal Parmesan!
Virginia: What point?
Natalie: (to Virginia) It’s probably better that we don’t–
Billy: Make-up’s a waste of time.
Virginia: I know you didn’t just say that.
Sid: You know we’re right.
Dick: (looking around) So where’s that waiter?
Natalie: Yeah, I’m getting kind of hungry all of a sudden…
Sid: I killed him.
(Everyone is silent for a moment. They then laugh politely.)
Corrie: Ha, ha, that’s a, uh, good one, Sid. You’re quite the wit tonight.
Sid: No, I mean it. I killed him.
(Corrie stands up.)
Corrie: I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.
Natalie: Yeah, me, too.
Virginia: I better go also.
(The three girls go to the women’s restroom. Sid gets up.)
Sid: I guess I’ll just go now, too.
(Virginia and Corrie scream silently. Natalie tries to calm them down. Sid walks over to the restroom and off-stage. Dick is very uncomfortable at the table.)
Dick: So, uh, he was kidding, right?
Billy: You never know with Sid.
(Silence for a moment, then Dick gets up.)
Dick: Excuse me.
(Dick walks into the bathroom, appearing frustrated. The girls are in a state of panic. Natalie still tries to remain optimistic but fails miserably. Billy makes paper airplanes out of the napkins or menus.)
Virginia: (overdramatic) This is a nightmare! Why won’t they serve us food? Don’t they see the torment we’re in? Have they no humanity?
Corrie: I so want to strangle those two…
Natalie: Let’s try to stay calm now…
Virginia: Stay calm? Stay calm? Natalie, they’re inhuman!
(Dick pantomimes washing his hands.)
Corrie: I say we make a run for it!
Natalie: We can’t just leave Dick!
(Sid enters and walks past Dick without washing his hands. Dick notices and over-reacts by looking at the sink, then Sid, then the sink, then Sid, etc. He holds his hands up and stares at them.)
Dick: Oh, no…Virginia!
(Sid high-fives Billy.)
Sid: Score!
Billy: This is going so well!
Sid: We’ve got a great night ahead of us!
Billy: Oh, yeah!
Corrie: That’s true! Dick’s all alone with those guys!
Virginia: He’ll be fine.
(Dick pantomimes peaking out the bathroom door.)
Dick: (whiny) What’s keeping them? I don’t want to be alone with those guys! (suddenly very concerned and overdramatic) Did they…gulp!…leave? Did they abandon me to those freaks?
Billy: That Virginia’s pretty hot stuff, isn’t she?
Sid: (drooling) Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Dick: Blast it! (paces around restroom) Do they want me to suffer?
(Dick hesitantly creeps out of the bathroom and returns to the table, uncomfortable.)
Dick: (looking at Sid’s hands) Uh……hey.
Natalie: Do you think he really killed the waiter?
Virginia: There’s no way he killed the–
Corrie: Wait a second…I remember hearing someone cry out in pain as we were coming in.
Dick: So, uh, how’s it going?
Billy: It’s going.
Virginia: They were probably reacting to Sid’s B.O..
Natalie: Oh, that’s a foul stench.
Virginia: You should smell his car.
Corrie: You know, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen very many people at all in this restaurant.
Natalie: That’s true. It’s very barren.
(Sid and Billy eye Dick in a predator-like fashion. Each one puts an arm around him, getting really close. The girls think the situation over.)
Billy: (psychotic) High school’s fun, isn’t it, Dickie? (inches over to Dick) You get to be king of the world in high school, and then it all gets snatched away at graduation.
Dick: (looking around; weakly) Natalie?…Where are you?
Corrie: (very concerned) This is probably how they wanted it! They picked a quiet restaurant that wouldn’t be very crowded…
Virginia: (freaked-out) …So they would have…quality…time with…us…in a close…intimate…setting.
(Virginia runs off-stage and sounds like she’s throwing up. Natalie and Corrie cringe. Sid pours some salt on Dick’s head.)
Natalie: Ooh…That didn’t sound too good.
Dick: So, uh, life peaked a little early, did it? (Billy looked unamused. Sid plays with his knife.) Kidding! Heh! Heh.
Sid: This is a nice, sharp knife here…
(Corrie and Natalie go to the edge of the stage to check on Virginia.)
Billy: Hey, Sid, watch this.
(Virginia enters, feeling queasy.)
Virginia: That was not pleasant.
(Billy flings his spoon across the stage. He and Sid laugh hysterically.)
Sid: Awesome! Let me try!
(Sid fiddles around with his spoon.)
Dick: This is pathetic…
Corrie: Are you sure you’re going to be all right, Virginia?
Virginia: Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.
Sid: Beat this! Behind the back!
Natalie: Then we better get back. We’ve probably been gone too long.
(Natalie walks to the “door” of the bathroom and prepares to open it up. Sid motions toward the men’s restrooms.)
Sid: Hey, what’s that?
Natalie:(opening door) Are you sure you’re all right?
(Sid turns around and throws his spoon towards the women’s restroom, accidentally hitting Virginia.)
Virginia: I’m fi–(The spoon strikes her in the head.) Ouch! (In pain, she moves backward.) Oh, man, that hu–(She trips and falls off-stage. Crashing sound.) OW!
Corrie: That really didn’t sound good.
Billy: Where’d the spoon go?
Sid: I don’t know. I’ve lost sight of it.
Natalie: Go check on her. I’ll…(motions to table, cringing)
Corrie: Good luck.
(Natalie mentally prepares herself and then walks over to the table. Dick gets her chair for her.)
Dick: (extremely relieved to see her) Natalie!
Sid: Where are the other two stooges?
Natalie: Their…mascara’s all messed up. Water has that effect on it.
Billy: Water?
Natalie: Yes, little drops of water running down their faces.
Sid: How’d that happen? Did something spill on them?
(Natalie sighs and sits down.)
Natalie: Never mind. Did I miss anything?
(Billy pats Dick on the back.)
Billy: Oh, nothing much. We and our good buddy Dick were having a grand old time, weren’t we, Dickie?
Dick: Uh…yeah…sure.
(Sid leaps up from his seat, excitedly. He points upstage.)
Sid: Look! Do ya…Do ya see that? They have a buffet!
Billy: I wanna get me some of that!
(Billy and Sid exit.)
Dick: Oh, man, Natalie, where did they find those losers? They are an insult to guys across the country! If I ever become anything like either one of them, shoot me and put me out of my misery!
Natalie: If you ever do become anything like that…I will. Don’t worry.
Dick: For a moment there, I thought they were going to attack me or something! They’re psychotic! And that Sid guy, when he left the restroom, he did not wash his hands!
Natalie: He didn’t wash his hands?
Dick: He walked right by the sink.
Natalie: Poor Virginia.
Dick: Where are they? Are they still in the restroom?
Natalie: Virginia…had a little accident.
Dick: Accident?
Natalie: She tripped and fell backwards.
Dick: Oh.
(Corrie and Virginia walk back on stage with Corrie supporting a very weak Virginia. At the table, Natalie and Dick act like they’re still talking.)
Virginia: Ooh…
Corrie: Are you sure you’re going to be all right, Virginia?
Virginia: (delirious) Y-yeah…(looks around) Wait a second…Where are we?
Corrie: Our Homecoming dinner.
Virginia: With our dream dates, right?
Corrie: Uh…Come here…
(Corrie pantomimes opening the restroom door. She points downstage.)
Corrie: See those two guys over at the buffet?
(Sid and Billy enter and walk along the front of the stage, pantomiming picking up food from a buffet and putting it onto their plates. Corrie and Virginia cringe as they watch.)
Billy: You know, man, I feel really bad for that Natalie girl. I mean, she has to put up with that boring loser all night long.
Sid: I know. Poor thing. Ooh, they’ve got garlic bread! (takes a bite out of imaginary garlic bread) She would’ve been much happier with either one of us. Too bad for her we can only have one date.
Billy: Imagine, having to spend your senior Homecoming with someone you can’t stand.
Sid: We need to figure out some way to get him out of the picture.
Billy: Hmm… (laughs as he gets an idea)
Corrie: Those are our dates.
(Billy and Sid exit stage left. Virginia faints.)
Corrie: Virginia!
(Corrie tries to revive Virginia.)
Natalie: I’m really starting to get concerned now. I think I better go check on them.
(Dick looks over his shoulders, upstage, nervous.)
Dick: But…they’re coming back!
Natalie: I’ll be really quick!
(Natalie gets up. She goes over to the restroom and reacts to seeing that Virginia fainted. She helps Corrie try to revive her by splashing water on her face, fanning her, etc. At the table, Dick is very frustrated.)
Dick: They haven’t even taken our orders yet…
(Billy and Sid enter and stand over Dick.)
Billy: Hey, Dickie. Your girl leave again?
Dick: Yeah, she went to go check on Corrie and Virginia.
Billy: Have you noticed how she keeps running to the restroom?
Dick: Uh, yeah, I’ve noticed.
Sid: Hmm…Why would that be?
Dick: (sarcastic) I wonder…
Billy: How about we show you?
(Sid kicks Dick’s chair out from under him. Billy lifts Dick over his shoulders.)
Dick: Um, What’re you–(They bring him over to the restroom. He struggles weakly and to no avail.) Uh, I don’t think this is–Hey!
(In the restroom, Sid restrains Dick’s arms as Billy punches Dick in the stomach repeatedly. Meanwhile, Corrie and Natalie continue their efforts to revive Virginia.)
Corrie: She’s not waking up!
Natalie: Virginia! We need you!
Virginia: (very weakly) Wha…
Corrie: She’s awake!
(Virginia slowly sits up.)
Virginia: This–This is all really happening, isn’t it? This is our Homecoming dinner, and we’re trapped with a pair of obnoxious cavemen…
Natalie: Stay with us, Virginia!
(Sid and Billy carry a beaten Dick off-stage. Virginia stands up.)
Virginia: I think I’m fine now…
Corrie: Are you sure?
Virginia: I’ll survive.
Dick: OWWWW!!!!
(The girls walk over to the table. Natalie and Corrie are immediately concerned when they find that no one is there. Virginia is relieved.)
Natalie: Dick!
Virginia: Are they gone? Are they really gone?
Corrie: We couldn’t possibly be that lucky.
Natalie: But where’s Dick?
(Billy and Sid enter into men’s restroom.)
Billy: Haven’t done that in a while.
Sid: That was fun.
(They walk over to the table and sit down.)
Billy: They’ve returned at long last!
(Sid holds Virginia’s hands. Virginia coughs at his bad breath.)
Sid: We were starting to get concerned.
(Natalie stares at Sid’s hands and squeals in horror.)
Billy: Something wrong?
Natalie: Uh…no. Um, was Dick with you guys?
Sid: Dick wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden.
Natalie: Wasn’t feeling well?
Billy: No. He was having…stomach problems.
(Billy and Sid look at each other and laugh.)
Virginia: What did you do to Dick?
Sid: (unconvincing) You think we did something to him?
Billy: What would make you think that?
(Billy and Sid begin pigging out on their food.)
Natalie: Virginia! What’s wrong with you tonight? Your make-up’s smeared again!
Sid: Yeah, it does look terrible.
Natalie: Come with me.
(Natalie drags Virginia back to the bathroom.)
Billy: I just had a thought…This chicken we’re eating used to be alive. Isn’t that just freaky?
Natalie: Those two did something to Dick.
Virginia: Obviously, but what could they have done?
Natalie: Well, they were coming out of the bathroom…
Sid: Yeah, this did used to be alive, didn’t it? Oh, well. You know, Corrie, you can go over and get some.
Corrie: Uh, no thanks. I’ll just wait.
Natalie: I should probably go in there and make sure he’s all right.
Virginia: Into the men’s restroom? Are you crazy?
Natalie: We don’t know what those guys are capable of.
(Billy attempts to resuscitate the chicken.)
Billy: Let me just make sure it’s really dead.
Virginia: Going into the guy’s restroom? Natalie, you are the bravest girl I have ever known.
Billy: Come on, chicken! Don’t let me down!
Natalie: Thank-you. Oh, Virginia, there’s something you should know…Dick told me that Sid didn’t wash his hands after he was done in the restroom.
Virginia: (horrified) You’re–You’re kidding. Please tell me you’re kidding.
(Billy gives up resuscitating the chicken.)
Billy: I think we’ve lost him.
Corrie: Isn’t that a shame?
Natalie: I’m sorry, Virginia.
(Virginia looks at her hands that Sid touched. She starts to cry a little. Then she screams for a few seconds. Everyone at the table reacts to it.)
Billy: Whoa, someone’s having some problems.
Sid: Must be that time of month.
Corrie: Where’s the waiter? For the love of–
Virginia: I want to cry…
Natalie: Take a few moments and let it all out. I really need to go check on Dick.
Virginia: (tearful) Go ahead. I’ll–I’ll be all right.
(Natalie sneaks upstage and carefully and slowly walks around the back, trying not to be seen. Virginia goes downstage to the imaginary sink and pantomimes the act of thoroughly washing her hands.)
Virginia: Why couldn’t a decent guy have asked me out? Was that too much to ask?
Billy: Oh, Corrie, I had a little question I’ve been wanting to ask you…
Corrie: Yes…?
Billy: Virginia’s got the hots for me, doesn’t she? C’mon. You can say it.
(Natalie stops for a second.)
Natalie: I know I didn’t just hear that…
(She continues.)
Corrie: Well…I’m not so sure…
Sid: Because she’s into me, right?
(Natalie stops again.)
Natalie: What? These guys are delusional!
Billy: (looking around) Did somebody just say something?
Natalie: No!
Billy: All right.
(Natalie covers her face and quickly sneaks over to the invisible door of the men’s restroom.)
Virginia: (becoming extremely irate) Those jerks have ruined my Homecoming! My senior Homecoming!
(Natalie braces herself before entering the men’s restroom.)
Natalie: Dick better appreciate this.
(She enters and looks around.)
Sid: So anyway, Corrie, Virginia can’t wait to get some of me, can she?
Natalie: Now this is interesting…and disgusting.
Corrie: Well…since you put it like that…
(Virginia barges out of the restroom and explodes at them. She slaps Sid.)
Virginia: Barbarian! Have you ever heard of hygiene?
Sid: Hy what?
Natalie: Wow. I had no idea…Where’s the toilet paper?
Virginia: Both of you are insults to the human race!
(Virginia shoves Billy out of his chair.)
Natalie: Dick? Dick? Anybody seen Dick in here?
(Dick moans from off-stage.)
Dick: Over–over here…
Virginia: You should be shot and hanged!
(Corrie stands up and tries to restrain her.)
Corrie: Virginia…
Natalie: I’ m about to go where no woman has gone before. I should be given a medal for this…
(She walks off-stage into the stall.)
Virginia: Do you have any idea what freaks you are?
Natalie: Dick! Oh, my goodness!
(Corrie drags Virginia over to the restroom.)
Corrie: Virginia! Control yourself!
Sid: She is so into us.
Billy: Ha! Tell me about it!
(Virginia is still seething.)
Corrie: Take deep breaths…
(Natalie enters with Dick, who’s severely beaten. His clothing is all messed-up, and he has a black eye as well other bruises.)
Natalie: Dick, what happened?
Dick: Almost had ‘em…
Natalie: Sure you did. That’s it. We’re leaving. We’re not going through any more of this.
Dick: No! We can’t just run away! Not after that!
(Billy and Sid sword fight with the knives.)
Corrie: Think positive thoughts…
Virginia: Hmm…There aren’t many witnesses around…
Corrie: Virginia!
Virginia: Sorry!
Billy: Hey, where’d that Natalie girl disappear off to?
Sid: She’s probably admiring us from afar.
Natalie: Look, take a moment to fix yourself up a little. You look awful. I’ll go back to Corrie and Virginia.
Dick: All right.
(Natalie quickly walks over to the table. She stops short as she realizes that only the two guys are there.)
Natalie: Ah!
(She starts to turn around. The guys see her.)
Billy: Hey, Natalie! There you are, girl!
(Natalie inaudibly curses to herself. She turns back around and tries to act pleasant.)
Natalie: Hi. (sits back down at the table) So Dick got really sick, did he?
Billy: You should have seen him. (laughs then abruptly catches himself and stops) He was in terrible shape.
(Dick looks toward the audience as if he’s looking in a mirror. He tries to act in a tough guy fashion.)
Dick: You want a piece of me?
Corrie: Now we can’t hide out here forever, Virginia.
Virginia: Fine. We’ll go back.
Corrie: Are you sure you won’t explode at them again?
Virginia: I’ll try, but if they do something else, I can’t promise anything.
Corrie: Sounds fair. (Corrie and Virginia return to the table.) Sorry about that, guys.
Billy: Oh, it’s no problem. Reminds me of something that happened at my junior Prom…
(As Dick speaks aloud, Billy tells his story in a silent fashion. Everyone except Sid looks bored to tears.)
Dick: I’m gonna go out there, and I’m gonna walk up to those ba…bad people, and I’m gonna tell ‘em off. (starts punching the air) Then I’m gonna give ‘em one from the left, and one from the ri–(arm recoils in pain) Ow! That smarts! (resumes tough guy tone) I’m gonna teach ‘em a lesson! I’ll make ‘em wish they never messed with us! Yeah!
(Dick storms out to the table. By this point, the girls had all been falling asleep. They snap back awake as Dick arrives in his severely beaten state.)
Billy: …And then we did something really funny…
Natalie: Dick!
Corrie, Virginia: Dick!
Billy, Sid: Dick? (uncomfortable) Oh…Dick. Heh, heh…
Dick: (gathering up his courage to yell at them) Now listen here, you…people…you. I’ve got something I’ve got to tell you guys…(Dick gets ready to curse them out, but then Billy stands up and stares down at him, intimidating him.)…I think I left my headlights on. I’m gonna go outside and turn them off. Anyone want to take the walk with me?
Virginia, Natalie, Corrie: (quickly and enthusiastically, as they jump to their feet) I WILL!
Billy: (starting to stand up) Then I guess we might as well come along, too.
Corrie: Oh, well we can’t all leave. They, uh, might give our table to someone else.
Natalie: Right! You two better stay here!
(Billy sits back down.)
Billy: Well, all right.
(Dick, Corrie, Natalie, and Virginia start to rush upstage.)
Sid: Hurry back! You wouldn’t want to miss out on some major cuddling, now would you?
(Virginia shudders.)
Dick: And, uh, we wouldn’t want my battery to die, right?
Natalie: Exactly! Let’s go!
(They exit as fast as possible, leaving Sid and Billy by themselves. They’re silent for a moment.)
Billy: They’ll be back.
Sid: Of course. They can’t get enough of us.
(The sound of a car’s tires screeching is heard.)
Billy: You know, on second thought, they might not be coming back.
(Sid explodes into a fury and knocks a bunch of stuff off the table. He pounds his fists on the table.)
Sid: Nooo! We were so close! We would’ve had them, too, if not for that pesky geek!
Billy: (sighs) Just like in high school…
(Lights down.)
January 22, 2014
Author explores life and afterlife in new book
The official press release for RIP: Choices After Death…
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Jan. 21, 2014 – A ghost experiences physical contact for the first time since death. The idea came to author Daniel Sherrier one night and compelled him to write “RIP: Choices After Death,” a new paranormal fantasy book.
Rip Cooper learns he can perceive ghosts with his five senses as if they were flesh and blood, and he’s just as solid to them. This young loner must overcome his fears and kill dead people to prevent them from corrupting the living. He works alongside a deceased young woman and his ex-best friend’s ex-girlfriend as they teach him how love can lead to strength.
Sherrier originally conceived the story as a television series. The pilot script was a semi-finalist in the 2011 PAGE International Screenwriting Contest in the TV Drama category and a finalist in the 2010 TVWriter.com People’s Pilot Competition.
Ultimately, he decided the story would work best in prose, but he decided to retain certain elements of its television origins.
“I’ve always been a fan of the season-long arc structure used on shows like ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ and ‘Veronica Mars,’” Sherrier said. “And it’s the perfect structure to show Rip’s maturation as he adjusts to dealing with ghosts and adulthood.”
“Choices After Death” consists of four novelettes: “Touch,” “Alone,” “The Crazy Line,” and “Point B.” These “episodes” each tell a complete story while building on each other and setting up future installments.
“The Rip in ‘Point B’ isn’t exactly the same guy in ‘Touch,’” Sherrier said. “And this is just the beginning for him and his friends.”
“RIP: Choices After Death” is published through Amazon CreateSpace and is available in both paperback and e-book formats.
Amazon reviewers have hailed the book as “a witty and humorous page-turner,” “refreshing,” “too funny,” and “fantastic.”
Daniel Sherrier was born in New Jersey and grew up in Mechanicsville, Va. He graduated from the College of William & Mary in 2005 with a degree in English and Theatre. “RIP” is his second release, following “Earths in Space: Where Are the Little Green Men?” He currently resides in Glen Allen, Va., and has written for community newspapers in the Hanover, Henrico, and James City areas.
For more information, visit sherrierbooks.com or facebook.com/drsherrier.
Media contact:
Daniel Sherrier
###
January 15, 2014
“That Darn Castle!”
Here’s another old writing exercise, a short script I wrote in a playwriting class at William & Mary about ten years ago. And I’m just now realizing I’ve written plays more than a decade ago. Oh my.
Anyway, this is just a silly romp that was never intended to be performed. But it is silly and might just fulfill your recommended daily value of silliness.
Song lyrics are not mine, which should be quite obvious.
“That Darn Castle!”
By Daniel Sherrier
Characters:
King Gallagherwithers
knights1, 2, 3, & 4
a castle
(King Gallagherwithers stands in the middle of a mostly barren stage. Knight1 enters with a sense of urgency.)
King: Ho, good knight, how goes the construction?
knight1: By George, sir, the castle has stolen the instruction manual! And it won’t return it until after we’ve repainted it!
King: How the bloody hell is the castle making demands?
knight1: By telling them to us, sir!
King: How the bloody hell is the castle telling them to us?
knight1: With its mouth, sir!
King: How the bloody hell does the castle have a mouth?
knight1: We built one into it, sir!
King: And why the bloody hell did we build a mouth into a castle?
knight1: The instruction manual said so, sir!
King: Let me see that instruction manual!
knight1: The castle has it, sir!
King: Oh, yes, that’s right. Bloody hell!
(Knight2 runs on-stage, very frantic.)
knight2: King Gallagherwithers! The castle said it objects to your having painted it green!
King: It doesn’t like being green?
knight2: Apparently not, sir!
King: But green is a perfectly splendid color.
knight2: I’m inclined to agree, sir!
King: I happen to count it among my favorites.
knight2: But the castle does not, sir!
King: Castles have no tastes these days…
(Knight3 runs on-stage, frantic.)
knight3: Sir! The castle bites it thumb at you, sir!
King: Bites its thumb? Why does it have a thumb? Who built a thumb onto the castle?
kinght3: The instruction manual said so, sir!
King: It’s not proper to bite your thumb…Hmmm…Does it wish to quarrel?
knight3: I believe so, sir!
King: I do not take kindly to having thumbs bitten at me.
knight1: What do you recommend we do, sir?
(The King, offended by the thumb biting, paces around, thinking the matter over carefully. He stops, as he makes a firm proclamation.)
King: Here is what we shall do! We will fight, brave knights! We will fight with all our might until this evil is made right! We will fight at first sight, and if we must, we will fight until night! Then, we shall use candles for some light, as we pray the castle does not bite. Then, my brave and valiant knights, to celebrate our victory over this plight, we shall each and every one of us fly a kite!
knight2: A kite, sir?
King: Yes, my noble knight, a kite! It will be perfectly smashing. Just think of it, knights! It reminds me of an old song from my childhood…
knight3: A song, sir?
King: Yes, a song that’s practically perfect in every way… (singing “Let‘s Go Fly a Kite” ) “Let’s go fly a kite, up through the highest height. Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring…” (Stops singing for a second) Join me, men!
(The knights appear uncomfortable as they sing. The King is having fun, though.)
King & 3 knights: “Up through the atmosphere, up where the air is clear…Oh, let’s go…fly a kite!”
(The knights get more comfortable with it.)
knight1: “When you send it flying up there…”
knight2: “…All at once, you’re lighter than air!”
knight3: “You can dance on the breeze over houses and trees…”
King: “…With your fist holding tight, to the string of your kite! Ohh, ohh, ohh–”
(Knight4 runs on stage, frantic.)
knight4: Sir! The castle despises your singing, sir! And the song as well!
(The King becomes furious.)
King: Can’t a king sing songs with his knights? And do you mean to tell me that that castle does not appreciate the fine art of Mary Poppins?
knight4: It says it much prefers Bedknobs and Broomsticks, sir.
King: Bedknobs and Broomsticks? Bedknobs and Broomsticks??? Over Mary Poppins???
knight4: Unfortunately so, sir.
King: Gentlemen, we are now at war.
knight4: Sir, the castle simply wants you to change its color. Maybe something more along the lines of, I don’t know, brown might appease it more…
King: Brave knights! To defend the honor of Julie Andrews, go quarrel with it!
knight4: But sir, it’s a castle…
King: Which means you have a considerable target at which to swing your swords! Have at it, men! Onward!
(Hesitantly, the knights form into a line and run towards off-stage. Before they make it off, a drawbridge slams on top of them, knocking them all down and pinning them to the ground. The King just watches, not very happy. The knights struggle to free themselves, but they are not strong enough.)
knight1: Sir! We seem to be caught in a bit of a bind!
King: Then unbind yourselves! Good God, must I think of everything around here?
knight1: We can’t seem to unbind ourselves, sir!
(The deep, bellowing voice of the castle is heard.)
castle (off-stage): Ha, ha!
King: So it does speak.
(The drawbridge rises up for a second. The knights look relieved. Then the drawbridge slams down on them again.)
castle (off-stage): You can’t stop me, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!!!!
(The King looks towards off-stage, as if carefully examining the castle.)
King: That mouth appears a tad lop-sided. Which one of you built the mouth?
knight2: That would be me, sir!
King: Terrible construction. Simply terrible. I prefer the mouths on my castles to be a bit more chipper. I say, you’ve made it look awfully angry and bitter. When people think of King Gallagherwhiters, I don’t want them to think of that king with the menacing mouth on his castle. I want them to think of fuzzy, warm thoughts that might be more easily derived from castles that sport smiles and grins. You, my not so good sir, are fired.
(Knight2 slips free and walks off-stage, relieved. The other three remain pinned.)
knight2: Thank God. Screw this.
King: Are you other knights quite done being crushed?
(The drawbridge rises. The knights slip free.)
King: There you go. Now try again.
knight3: Again, sir? But might we be crushed yet again?
King: Crushed? Again? Heavens, that would be terribly unimaginative of my castle to rely on only one ploy with which to attack you. I would like to think my castles are made of a better fiber than that. So go on. Attack it. Don’t let Mary Poppins down.
knight4: Well, I suppose we can give it another go…for Mary Poppins.
knights1, 3, 4: For Mary Poppins!
(The knights charge at the castle. Several green bricks are thrown at them, sending them running off-stage in the opposite direction. The King stands his ground, disappointed in his men.)
King: That could have gone better. I believe this calls for a second stratagem. But what would work when brute force has failed? (sudden idea) A-ha! (calling off-stage to the knights) Knights! To my side!
(Knights 1, 3, and 4 poke their heads back on stage, nervously.)
knight1: You won’t make us fight the castle again, will you, sir?
King: No, my noble knights! I want you to help it! Finish construction while I have a word with our nemesis! Perhaps I can talk some sense into it.
knight3: But, sir, how shall we finish construction without the instruction manual?
King: Oh, that’s right. That could be problematic. Here’s what you’ll have to do. Rewrite the manual from scratch, and then resume construction.
knight4: From–from scratch, sir?
King: Yes, I know you all have nothing but time…no lives to attend to or anything of the sort. So get on it.
knight4: Yes, sir.
(The knights run across the stage, towards the castle, and off-stage again. The King approaches the castle and addresses it.)
King: Fair castle, a word!
(The drawbridge slams down again, just barely missing the King.)
King: A-ha! You have missed me!
(A brick is thrown directly at the king, hitting him. It hardly fazes him.)
King: That was hardly nice of you.
(Another brick strikes the king. The king throws it back at the castle, which throws it back at the king.)
King: Here I am, simply trying to talk to you, and what do you do? You throw bricks at me. How immature are we? Would I, the noble King Gallagherwithers, have had such a childish beast built? Tell me, fair castle, what is your problem?
(Knight1 is thrown back on stage and is then immediately buried by a ton of bricks.)
knight1: Help…me…!
King: Castle, I asked you a question…
(Knight3’s ankle is ensnared in rope that hangs from above, and he swings across the stage, upside-down.)
knight3: Aaaaahhh…!
(Knight3 momentarily swings off-stage and then swings back in the opposite direction.)
knight3: Aaaaahhh…!
(A loud thud is heard, as knight3 apparently crashes into the side of the castle.)
King: Castle, I get the impression you’re not paying attention to me.
(The sound of knight4 screaming in gut-wrenching agony is heard.)
knight4: No…no!!! Anything but that!!!! Nooo…!!!!! Aaaahhh…!!!!!
castle: Ha, ha!
King: Castle! Pay attention when your king is addressing you!
(Knight2 momentarily walks back onstage, just to laugh at everyone.)
knight2: Heh, you poor bastards…Sucks to be you.
(Knight2 exits.)
King: Castle, I am disturbed to see you making demands…throwing bricks at my person…crushing my knights! Well, I don’t quite mind you trying to crush that one that built the crooked mouth. At any rate, he’s incompetent. But insulting Mary Poppins? I ask you, insulting Mary Poppins???? What manner of fiend are you? Again, I ask, what is your problem?
castle: The color…
King: Color?
castle: You painted me green. I don’t like it.
King: What’s not to like about green? Explain it to me.
castle: Well, you see…I’m not quite sure how to explain this, but… (breaks into song, singing as Kermit the Frog would) “It’s not that easy being green, having to spend each day the color of the leaves. When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold, or something much more colorful like that.”
King: (singing) “But green’s the color of Spring! And green can be cool and friendly-like. And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree.”
castle: Or…or like a castle?
King: Precisely! (singing) “When green is all there is to be, it could make you wonder why…”
castle & King: (singing) “…but why wonder why?”
castle: (singing) “Wonder, I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful! And I think it’s what I want to be.”
King: There you go!
castle: I’m sorry, King Gallagherwithers. I didn’t realize that being green could have such potential.
King: There, there, castle. You know now.
castle: And I really don’t hate Mary Poppins. In fact, I rather think she’s swell.
King: Of course you do. You’d have to be inhuman not to like Mary Poppins.
castle: But I am inhuman.
King: I suppose you are. But you’re an inhuman monster who is thrilled to be green!
castle: That I am!
King: I knew you’d come around!
(An instruction manual falls down from above and hits the floor.)
castle: Here’s the instruction manual I stole.
King: I was wondering where that went off to.
castle: I’m sorry I tortured your knights.
King: Oh, think nothing of it. They don’t mind.
(Knight1, still half-buried under a ton of bricks, sticks up his middle finger at the king.)
King: Throw some more bricks at that one.
(More bricks fall onto knight1.)
King: Castle, I think we’re going to make a fine team. Now pop open that drawbridge. I want to be inside you for a bit.
castle: Um…
King: Is there a problem?
castle: I think it’s a bit soon in our relationship for that, King Gallagherwithers.
(The king looks disheartened.)
King: I…I can certainly respect that.
castle: Don’t get me wrong. I think you’re a very nice king. I’m just not ready for that level of commitment yet.
King: If that’s how you want it…
castle: I just need some time–
King: Yes, yes, I understand.
castle: It’s not you. It’s me. I’m very unstable right now. I need to build myself back up again before I can let anyone in like that.
(The king looks extremely heartbroken.)
King: Take all the time you need…
castle: But King Gallagherwithers?
King: Yes?
castle: Maybe…maybe you could help build me?
(The king is slightly happier.)
King: I would be happy to.
(The king walks towards the castle and notices knight1, still buried.)
King: Bloody hell! What are you doing lounging around there? Get up, knight! We have a lot of work ahead of us!
knight1: Aye, sir. Just give me a moment to recover from these near-death injuries.
King: That’s the spirit!
(The king takes a moment to look at the castle, fondly.)
King: Ahh…I feel as though we’re at the start of something grand.
(Knight2 walks onstage again, just to laugh at everyone.)
knight2: Heh, you poor bastards…Sucks to be you…
(Knight2 exits. Lights go down.)
January 13, 2014
New chance for RIP: Touch — for FREE
Silly me, I just realized Smashwords lets you price e-books as permanently free.
So, I thought that would be a good opportunity for RIP: Touch. I took it down from Amazon to avoid confusion with the larger work, RIP: Choices After Death, which begins with “Touch.” No sense charging people a buck for part of a book.
Then I figured, hey, why not let anyone and everyone read ”Touch” for free whenever they like? This way, you’ll have a good idea whether or not Choices After Death is for you.
I’m betting it is. So go on over to Smashwords, please, and give RIP‘s first episode a try — and pay nothing.
Everything is more wonderful when it’s free, isn’t it?
January 6, 2014
Last chance for RIP: Touch
RIP: Choices After Death is now available in paperback and ebook. The book combines four novelettes and a short story into a full novel.
Where does that leave the original RIP pilot ebook, “Touch”? It leaves it as a redundancy.
I’m not planning on releasing the other novelettes as separate ebooks. The format with Choices After Death going forward will be four novelettes and a short story that have a collective beginning, middle, and end. With each book, readers will get more to read, a nice ending, and some unresolved matters that set up the following installment.
To avoid confusion, I’ll unpublish RIP: Touch this Friday. The standalone ebook is only available at Amazon right now, and starting this weekend, the story will only be available as the first fourth of Choices After Death.
So, last chance to sample the beginning of Choices After Death for a single dollar!
By the way, a Goodreads user just said this of RIP: Touch: “I loved this short story! I thought the storyline was good, and the pace fit it perfectly.”
And she gave it five stars. Just thought I’d point that out. 
December 31, 2013
New Year’s Resolution Editing Discount
How’s this for a New Year’s resolution?
Get your book edited.
Here, I’ll help you out. I’ll knock 10 percent off my usual editing rate. You just need to contact me by this Saturday.
In any case, I’ll always edit the first five pages for free so you can determine if I’m the right fit for you.
December 28, 2013
Evolution begins here
We’re still in the season of giving, right?
So I’ll give you the beginning of Earths in Space: We Must Evolve. This second volume will contain four connected novellas, and those four novellas will constitute a full novel of more than 100,000 words.
It’s still a work-in-progress. I keep thinking of ways to improve it, and I won’t publish until I’m sure it’s the best it can be.
Nevertheless, the beginning, as it currently stands, lets you get to know the characters, and I’d like you to meet them…or meet them again. It also has some spoilers for the first book, Where Are the Little Green Men? If you’d prefer to start with that book (which, by the way, is now available in paperback) I’ll direct you here.
But if you’re ready to dive into the second installment, then please enjoy this PDF link, and let me know what you think…
December 22, 2013
“Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow”
A long time ago, in a high school far, far away from many of you…this was published in a literary magazine…
“Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow”
By Daniel Sherrier
“But…what if we never see each other again?” She was near tears.
“It’s a risk we’ll have to take,” he replied, trying his best to sound confident and sincere. “We need this time apart from one another. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
“For you, my heart can grow no fonder.”
They embraced. “We must do this!”
“I don’t know if I can!”
“Listen to me! This is for our own good!”
She considered it for a moment. “All—all right.” They were still hugging. “You let go first.”
“No, please. I insist.”
“How about on the count of three?”
They both began counting. “One…two…three…”
Slowly, they began to separate, but they soon discovered they could not bring themselves to do so. Like an over-stretched rubber band, they snapped back together.
“I can’t do it!” she sobbed.
“Nor can I, my love…but—but we must! Do it for me, please.”
“O—okay.”
Even more gradually than before, the couple began to push apart from one another. Eventually, they were just holding hands.
“Be strong,” he said.
“I—I will.”
They let go of each other and began to walk in opposite directions.
“Good-bye, my love!” she yelled.
“Good-bye, my darling!” he called out.
He went off to lunch, and she went to her next class.
