Guilie Castillo-Oriard's Blog, page 24
September 17, 2013
On Fear & Other Crutches
We hold on to our fears because they define us. They, we believe, keep us safe. Overcoming fear--of the dark, of scorpions, of speaking in public, of change, of no change--isn't easy, but we make it harder.
Because we hold on.
Fear makes us vulnerable, but without it we think we'll feel nude. Helpless. Fragile. And so, instead of working towards being free, we cultivate the chain that keeps us within the boundaries we know. Better the evil we know, right?
If we're lucky, something happens--a conspiracy of the Universe that kneads coincidence and a sprinkle of enlightenment into the dough of our lives--that forces us to confront our fears. A power outage on a Halloween night when we're all alone. A spiky bug stalking us in the shower. Exposure therapy. External circumstances that dump change on us like a bucket of Siberian-dawn-in-January water.
The fear, although not gone, becomes manageable. And we, far from feeling nude or helpless or weak--man, we feel empowered.
Few embark on that willingly. It takes courage. Pushes us to limits way beyond whatever tolerance we think we have. Doesn't it?
If you know about this, if you've done this, here's my ovation to you. Bra-vo.
Because we hold on.
Fear makes us vulnerable, but without it we think we'll feel nude. Helpless. Fragile. And so, instead of working towards being free, we cultivate the chain that keeps us within the boundaries we know. Better the evil we know, right?
If we're lucky, something happens--a conspiracy of the Universe that kneads coincidence and a sprinkle of enlightenment into the dough of our lives--that forces us to confront our fears. A power outage on a Halloween night when we're all alone. A spiky bug stalking us in the shower. Exposure therapy. External circumstances that dump change on us like a bucket of Siberian-dawn-in-January water.
The fear, although not gone, becomes manageable. And we, far from feeling nude or helpless or weak--man, we feel empowered.
Few embark on that willingly. It takes courage. Pushes us to limits way beyond whatever tolerance we think we have. Doesn't it?
If you know about this, if you've done this, here's my ovation to you. Bra-vo.
September 14, 2013
The Thing About Camouflage
It can save you, certainly. But--save you for what?
Original image here.Mimesis is your thing, right? Pavement gray, autumn-leaf brown, technicolor lawn green, even the occasional metallic Honda or Toyota hue.
You're so good at this that even people who have you pointed out at them still can't see you. Takes them a minute to go, "Ah--there!"
Presumably your predators do not have you pointed out at them, which means you get to live long and prosper.
Original image here.
Camouflage keeps you safe because it keeps you hidden. A life of hiding... Is that really what you want? It takes guts to come out into the open, roar like a lion. I'm here. It might take, quite literally, putting your life on the line.
Hidden, no one can find you. Not foes, not friends. Hidden is hidden. You're invisible for everyone.
Is it really better to be safe than sorry?
So.
Will we scurry among leaves in the underbrush? Or, come what may, will we make like lions and roar?
Original image here.Mimesis is your thing, right? Pavement gray, autumn-leaf brown, technicolor lawn green, even the occasional metallic Honda or Toyota hue.You're so good at this that even people who have you pointed out at them still can't see you. Takes them a minute to go, "Ah--there!"
Presumably your predators do not have you pointed out at them, which means you get to live long and prosper.
Original image here.Camouflage keeps you safe because it keeps you hidden. A life of hiding... Is that really what you want? It takes guts to come out into the open, roar like a lion. I'm here. It might take, quite literally, putting your life on the line.
Hidden, no one can find you. Not foes, not friends. Hidden is hidden. You're invisible for everyone.
Is it really better to be safe than sorry?
So.
Will we scurry among leaves in the underbrush? Or, come what may, will we make like lions and roar?
September 8, 2013
Because I'm not busy enough as it is...
I joined a Coursera course. Modern & Contemporary Poetry. Exactly--the same one I joined last year and ended up abandoning. Because I was too busy.
If you've been following this blog, specially the Accountability Reports herein, you're probably scratching your head. What is this woman doing? Doesn't she have enough on her plate with trying to finish editing that damn novel, with the Pure Slush 2014 project?
Yes. Yes, she does.
But here's the thing. Writing is about delving deep, right? Cutting to the marrow, putting your arm down all the way to the elbow in the muck of the human soul and fishing out a bit of radiant sea-glass. Dissecting one's emotions. One's psyche. One's most hidden fears, deficiencies, embarrassments.
One does not do that by staying in one's comfort zone.
And besides. This isn't just about loading myself with "stuff" to do. Poetry--especially modern poetry, the experimental and subversive--is the gateway to better literary fiction. There, as in poetry, the "how" is more important than the "what". Form over substance.
Perhaps this is, finally, the end of my detox from the corporate law world.
If editing the novel and finishing the Pure Slush project is my Iron Man, the ModPo course is the five hundred daily crunches, the protein shake, the cardio workout. It is, too, the no-alcohol, early-nights regime. It is discipline. It is training.
You've been warned. My blog posts might become (even more) sporadic. Or I might post several times a day: five-page essays on three words, maybe just one.
I hope you'll stop by every now and then to check up on me. Or, if poetry isn't your cup of tea, at least wish me success from afar :)
If you've been following this blog, specially the Accountability Reports herein, you're probably scratching your head. What is this woman doing? Doesn't she have enough on her plate with trying to finish editing that damn novel, with the Pure Slush 2014 project?
Yes. Yes, she does.
But here's the thing. Writing is about delving deep, right? Cutting to the marrow, putting your arm down all the way to the elbow in the muck of the human soul and fishing out a bit of radiant sea-glass. Dissecting one's emotions. One's psyche. One's most hidden fears, deficiencies, embarrassments.
One does not do that by staying in one's comfort zone.
And besides. This isn't just about loading myself with "stuff" to do. Poetry--especially modern poetry, the experimental and subversive--is the gateway to better literary fiction. There, as in poetry, the "how" is more important than the "what". Form over substance.
Perhaps this is, finally, the end of my detox from the corporate law world.
If editing the novel and finishing the Pure Slush project is my Iron Man, the ModPo course is the five hundred daily crunches, the protein shake, the cardio workout. It is, too, the no-alcohol, early-nights regime. It is discipline. It is training.
You've been warned. My blog posts might become (even more) sporadic. Or I might post several times a day: five-page essays on three words, maybe just one.
I hope you'll stop by every now and then to check up on me. Or, if poetry isn't your cup of tea, at least wish me success from afar :)
August 29, 2013
Ooops
It's Thursday. THURSDAY.
Do you see where this is going?
I forgot about the Monday Accountability Report. No wonder I get nothing done.
So--fast and easy. Last week's goals were, for Project #1, to finish editing 13 scenes (I finished 7), and for Project #2, to finish the final draft of the March story (finished the first draft).
Goals for this--ahem, almost-over--week:
STOP PROCRASTINATING
Do you see where this is going?
I forgot about the Monday Accountability Report. No wonder I get nothing done.
So--fast and easy. Last week's goals were, for Project #1, to finish editing 13 scenes (I finished 7), and for Project #2, to finish the final draft of the March story (finished the first draft).
Goals for this--ahem, almost-over--week:
STOP PROCRASTINATING
August 27, 2013
The video Shell doesn't want you to see
I'm no militant activist. How could I, spending my days in front of the 106K words of the novel I'm (supposed to be) editing? Yeah, yeah, the pen is mightier than the sword, and my fiction will, one hopes, one day have the power to make people think, to change minds, to influence for good.
But in order to achieve that, I must first pay the price. Perfect the craft. Put in those 10,000 hours. (Are we there yet?)
And still. From this my laptop, as limited as the scope of influence might be, there are a few things I can do. One of them is sharing this video, which got taken down from YouTube by the F1 people. I have no sympathy for you, F1 guys. Those millions upon millions you spend every year on engines, suits, advertising, transport? How about you *do* something worthwhile with it? There's enough hunger in the world, enough suffering. Take your pick. For goodness' sake, leave the playing with cars for a time when every child has one healthy meal a day.
But in order to achieve that, I must first pay the price. Perfect the craft. Put in those 10,000 hours. (Are we there yet?)
And still. From this my laptop, as limited as the scope of influence might be, there are a few things I can do. One of them is sharing this video, which got taken down from YouTube by the F1 people. I have no sympathy for you, F1 guys. Those millions upon millions you spend every year on engines, suits, advertising, transport? How about you *do* something worthwhile with it? There's enough hunger in the world, enough suffering. Take your pick. For goodness' sake, leave the playing with cars for a time when every child has one healthy meal a day.
August 24, 2013
A blog benchmark
Quiet Laughter has crossed the 50K-visits line. Thank you for every time you stop by, every comment, every share. You've made this happen, and I'm profoundly grateful.You--yes, YOU--rock.
August 19, 2013
Accountability Week 3
I'm beginning to dread these #writemotivation posts. No, no epic fail like last week this time--I actually got quite a bit of writing time in. More than the allotted 4 hours a day most days.
But little to show for it.
So I'm celebrating--I stuck to the schedule (sort of), got into the discipline of sitting my meager butt down in front of the keyboard and starting. But I'm also moping, because in spite of this schedule and this discipline, both of which cost me a psychological arm and a leg, progress is slow.
Not for Project #2--for that one it's not slow, it's at a standstill. And Project #1 is to blame. Editing that novel is eating up all the writing time I carve out--and then some.
I took one of WD's tutorials this week, First Draft Outline. The presenter, author Karin S. Wiesner (First Draft in 30 Days), says something at the beginning to the effect of, "Once a writer has hundreds upon hundreds of pages of a first draft [...] he starts on the hard part: [...] the tortuous work of untangling, revising, and polishing a story that may or may not be strong enough or even salvageable."
Oh, man.
The intro to the tutorial says something like this:
"Many novelists churn out hundreds of pages (and waste valuable time) before they have a workable first draft."
Oh, laws. Ms. Wiesner has been spying on me.
If you've been a follower of this blog for a while, you probably know I'm a pantster. Thus, I do not outline. And I pay the price--namely, these hundreds upon hundreds of pages, thousands upon thousands of words, hours upon hours of time wasted trying, like an archaeologist (Ms. Wiesner's analogy) digging for Roman plunder in Siberia.
I'm not saying pantsterism is wrong. Whatever virtues outlining has, I'm afraid my creative personality is too undisciplined to ever become methodical. What I am saying is that creating an outline in the way Ms. Wiesner proposes does provide much-needed focus to a scatterbrain like me.
And so I spent a good chunk of this week's writing time refining that outline I'd started a couple months back. And I feel good about that. I feel focused. More focus means more motivation, doesn't it?
The novel's main challenges for me right now are two. First, the plot basics. With the outline I found several inconsistencies, and--thankfully--that means I can cut out several scenes and synthesize others. Second, the writing itself. Beyond adverbs and passive constructions, repetitive descriptions and avoiding talking heads, there's Toni Morrison's fabulous words.
So here's to next week's productivity.
For Project #1, at two scenes per day (Ms. Wiesner also gave some outstanding tips for goal setting), this coming week I will finish editing Part I (13 more scenes).
For Project #2, I'm going to split the original goal: this week I will finish the final draft for the March story, and next week I'll work on the first drafts for April and May. Am I letting myself off the hook too easily?
But little to show for it.
So I'm celebrating--I stuck to the schedule (sort of), got into the discipline of sitting my meager butt down in front of the keyboard and starting. But I'm also moping, because in spite of this schedule and this discipline, both of which cost me a psychological arm and a leg, progress is slow.
Not for Project #2--for that one it's not slow, it's at a standstill. And Project #1 is to blame. Editing that novel is eating up all the writing time I carve out--and then some.
I took one of WD's tutorials this week, First Draft Outline. The presenter, author Karin S. Wiesner (First Draft in 30 Days), says something at the beginning to the effect of, "Once a writer has hundreds upon hundreds of pages of a first draft [...] he starts on the hard part: [...] the tortuous work of untangling, revising, and polishing a story that may or may not be strong enough or even salvageable."
Oh, man.
The intro to the tutorial says something like this:
"Many novelists churn out hundreds of pages (and waste valuable time) before they have a workable first draft."
Oh, laws. Ms. Wiesner has been spying on me.
If you've been a follower of this blog for a while, you probably know I'm a pantster. Thus, I do not outline. And I pay the price--namely, these hundreds upon hundreds of pages, thousands upon thousands of words, hours upon hours of time wasted trying, like an archaeologist (Ms. Wiesner's analogy) digging for Roman plunder in Siberia.
I'm not saying pantsterism is wrong. Whatever virtues outlining has, I'm afraid my creative personality is too undisciplined to ever become methodical. What I am saying is that creating an outline in the way Ms. Wiesner proposes does provide much-needed focus to a scatterbrain like me.
And so I spent a good chunk of this week's writing time refining that outline I'd started a couple months back. And I feel good about that. I feel focused. More focus means more motivation, doesn't it?
The novel's main challenges for me right now are two. First, the plot basics. With the outline I found several inconsistencies, and--thankfully--that means I can cut out several scenes and synthesize others. Second, the writing itself. Beyond adverbs and passive constructions, repetitive descriptions and avoiding talking heads, there's Toni Morrison's fabulous words.
So here's to next week's productivity.
For Project #1, at two scenes per day (Ms. Wiesner also gave some outstanding tips for goal setting), this coming week I will finish editing Part I (13 more scenes).
For Project #2, I'm going to split the original goal: this week I will finish the final draft for the March story, and next week I'll work on the first drafts for April and May. Am I letting myself off the hook too easily?
August 18, 2013
Dog Day at the Beach
Coming soon to a beach near you :D
August 12, 2013
Accountability Week 2
So since I found #writemotivation via the awesome Damyanti (and thanks to K.T. Hanna for inventing it! I'll join the Roll Call in Sept, I promise), I moved these accountability posts to Monday. Hope you don't mind.
Epic fail this past week. Epic. Zero words written. Nada. Oh, we're counting emails? Okay, then log in my word count at +/- 1,000 for the week.
I've got awesome excuses--rescued 14 puppies, all under 7 weeks old, and two moms, got bitten in the process, had to get a tetanus shot (why anyone who works this much with dogs doesn't have regular tetanus shots is a really good question) which basically incapacitated my left arm--but you're not here to listen to mitigating circumstances.
Point is: NO GOALS ACHIEVED.
I'm not going to rack or Judas-Cradle myself about it, either. But I will make sure this doesn't happen again. How?
I will write for a minimum of two hours every morning, from 7 to 9, every day. If other activities allow, I will write more.
I will write for a minimum of two hours in the afternoon, every day. As above, I'll write more if I can.
So basically I have four hours a day committed to writing. That should guarantee that this week these goals actually get done:
Project 1 (the novel): finish revision on Part I (another 13 chapters).
Project 2 (the Pure Slush serial): finish a final draft of March, first drafts of April and May.
Epic fail this past week. Epic. Zero words written. Nada. Oh, we're counting emails? Okay, then log in my word count at +/- 1,000 for the week.
I've got awesome excuses--rescued 14 puppies, all under 7 weeks old, and two moms, got bitten in the process, had to get a tetanus shot (why anyone who works this much with dogs doesn't have regular tetanus shots is a really good question) which basically incapacitated my left arm--but you're not here to listen to mitigating circumstances.
Point is: NO GOALS ACHIEVED.
I'm not going to rack or Judas-Cradle myself about it, either. But I will make sure this doesn't happen again. How?
I will write for a minimum of two hours every morning, from 7 to 9, every day. If other activities allow, I will write more.
I will write for a minimum of two hours in the afternoon, every day. As above, I'll write more if I can.
So basically I have four hours a day committed to writing. That should guarantee that this week these goals actually get done:
Project 1 (the novel): finish revision on Part I (another 13 chapters).
Project 2 (the Pure Slush serial): finish a final draft of March, first drafts of April and May.
August 4, 2013
Embellishment--or insight?
Eternal gratitude, Janet Reid, for sharing this (a while back) and (more recently) this example on Spare and Elegant Writing.
Does this resonate as much with you as it did with me? How far are you along in the process of simplifying yourself? We all know adverbs must be avoided, substituted with stronger verbs. What other pitfalls have you discovered in your own writing?
