D.A. Cairns's Blog, page 32
June 26, 2015
Celebrate the Small Things: Hugs
This may cause some discussion amongst readers. Is a hug a small thing? Some would say even a small hug is a big thing. Others might suggest that some hugs aren't as meaningful or poignant as others, and that can't be contested. Although one might think that all hugs are nice, some would disagree: unwanted hugs, for example, are certainly not nice. Anyway, I'm not here to debate the merits or significance of hugs. I'm here to tell you about a recent hug which meant a huge amount to me personally.
Last Sunday night we had a family farewell dinner for my son who was heading off to Europe for a six week holiday. After dinner we hugged, and I wished him well, thinking that would be the last time I saw him before he left. Four days later, the day before departure, I was at his house to pick up my daughter and my son was unexpectedly there: washing clothes and packing. We talked for a bit, and then we hugged again before I said goodbye. It was such a lovely bonus to be able to hug him once more.I don't see much of my son these days. He's busy with work and uni, and his girlfriend, and that's all okay. He's 19. He has his own life now. I've been letting go of him slowly every since he started school, but I am thankful for the fact that we have a good, close relationship. Despite some dramatic turbulence over the last 12 months or so, due to the break down of my marriage, we are still friends and of course I am very grateful for that. That last hug was serendipity: a small thing and a huge thing simultaneously.
Have you had a nice hug lately?
Photo sources:
http://businessmarketingsuccess.com/2...
http://www.desicomments.com/desi/hug-...
June 20, 2015
Growth or Decay
[image error]
The film As Good As It Gets is an urban fairy tale about unlikely relationships which speaks volumes about how people relate to each other.
In one scene Melvin (Jack Nicholson) and Carol (Helen Hunt) are in a fancy seafood restaurant in Baltimore. Having just a made a mad dash to buy a jacket and tie so he would be allowed in, Melvin makes a comment about how he was forced to dress formally, but she was allowed to wear a house dress. Carol takes great offence, naturally, even though Melvin did not intend to insult her. She then insists that Melvin pay her a compliment or else she will leave. Eventually Melvin comes up with what is the best line in the movie, "You make me want to be a better man."
[image error] Melvin thus indicates his willingness to change for Carol. Given his mental problems (OCD and perhaps mild autism), this is a big thing for him, but instead of leaving well enough alone, Carol pushes him for more. She wants to know why he brought her on the trip, and under pressure, he says enough to make her angry and she takes off. Carol's neediness insists on more intimacy than Melvin is ready for.
Two quick points. Firstly, if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask the question. If you aren't prepared for the pain of an honest answer, don't ask.Carol pushed Melvin for the truth and then became angry at him when he tried to be honest with her.
Secondly, do not expect or demand change from your partner. Hope for it by all means, but nagging and threatening does not make a good relationship. Melvin told Carol he was willing to change, and he demonstrated that with baby steps. Towards the end of the film when Melvin is avoiding the cracks and lines on the sidewalk, Carol tells him not to or 'this' (meaning their fledging relationship) is not going to work. Another demand. Another threat.
Change is inevitable. "Nothing stays the same," screams the As I Lay Dying track, 'there is only growth or decay'. In personal relationships acceptance is important - in fact for some people, that is all they want: to be loved for who they are - but where does one draw the line. Where do you draw the line?
In one scene Melvin (Jack Nicholson) and Carol (Helen Hunt) are in a fancy seafood restaurant in Baltimore. Having just a made a mad dash to buy a jacket and tie so he would be allowed in, Melvin makes a comment about how he was forced to dress formally, but she was allowed to wear a house dress. Carol takes great offence, naturally, even though Melvin did not intend to insult her. She then insists that Melvin pay her a compliment or else she will leave. Eventually Melvin comes up with what is the best line in the movie, "You make me want to be a better man."
[image error] Melvin thus indicates his willingness to change for Carol. Given his mental problems (OCD and perhaps mild autism), this is a big thing for him, but instead of leaving well enough alone, Carol pushes him for more. She wants to know why he brought her on the trip, and under pressure, he says enough to make her angry and she takes off. Carol's neediness insists on more intimacy than Melvin is ready for.
Two quick points. Firstly, if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask the question. If you aren't prepared for the pain of an honest answer, don't ask.Carol pushed Melvin for the truth and then became angry at him when he tried to be honest with her.
Secondly, do not expect or demand change from your partner. Hope for it by all means, but nagging and threatening does not make a good relationship. Melvin told Carol he was willing to change, and he demonstrated that with baby steps. Towards the end of the film when Melvin is avoiding the cracks and lines on the sidewalk, Carol tells him not to or 'this' (meaning their fledging relationship) is not going to work. Another demand. Another threat.
Change is inevitable. "Nothing stays the same," screams the As I Lay Dying track, 'there is only growth or decay'. In personal relationships acceptance is important - in fact for some people, that is all they want: to be loved for who they are - but where does one draw the line. Where do you draw the line?
June 19, 2015
Celebrate the Small Things: In Praise of Beanies
It's winter in Australia, and that means beanie time. I have very little hair, in fact I appear totally bald from the front, so cold air and my naked cranium do not mix well.
I'm not sure I look very good in a beanie, but I do know that I love the warmth they provide. I have a nice selection: a black one for work, a green one for play, a Bulldogs one to show my support for my favourite NRL team, and a heavy duty Holden Racing Team one for Canberra, and the snow.
So today, I am giving thanks for beanies and the great job they do to protect heads, both hairy and hairless, all over the world, from the unfriendly, occasionally hostile cold air.
Three cheers for beanies. Do you have a favourite one?
I'm not sure I look very good in a beanie, but I do know that I love the warmth they provide. I have a nice selection: a black one for work, a green one for play, a Bulldogs one to show my support for my favourite NRL team, and a heavy duty Holden Racing Team one for Canberra, and the snow.
So today, I am giving thanks for beanies and the great job they do to protect heads, both hairy and hairless, all over the world, from the unfriendly, occasionally hostile cold air.
Three cheers for beanies. Do you have a favourite one?
June 13, 2015
W.A.S.
The serious business has resumed and I feel good about it. I submitted eleven stories submitted to publishers yesterday, (and had one rejected already. Would that I could receive responses that quickly from all editors.)
Chapter 35 of my W.I.P., Lovesick, is under way, and during a thoughtful, restful period, I decided on the ending. Of course that doesn't mean I won't change the ending, but it's good to have a strong sense of where I am heading with this great story. It could be my finest work.
All this activity happened yesterday, when I sat for most of the day with my laptop, listening to heavy metal on Youtube, and dreaming of great success, while doing something concrete to help achieve it. Devolution will be released with its new cover in just seven days.
Chapter 35 of my W.I.P., Lovesick, is under way, and during a thoughtful, restful period, I decided on the ending. Of course that doesn't mean I won't change the ending, but it's good to have a strong sense of where I am heading with this great story. It could be my finest work.
All this activity happened yesterday, when I sat for most of the day with my laptop, listening to heavy metal on Youtube, and dreaming of great success, while doing something concrete to help achieve it. Devolution will be released with its new cover in just seven days.
June 11, 2015
Celebrate the Small Things: bank accounts and credit cards
I recently made a payment to one of my credit cards (yes I have several unfortunately) which I later found out, via a call from the bank, had not been received. The sending bank then notified me that the transfer had failed due to incorrect account details. Blah, blah, blah. Has anyone been here before? Can anybody here me?I made a new arrangement with the bank which did not receive its gouge, I mean money, and they said I would have to pay a late fee. I said, "I'm telling you in advance to avoid the late fee." They said, "No can do Mr Cairns. However, after you make the payment, you can contact us again and we will then reverse the late fee." I said Grrrrr!!!"(but not out loud)
Wait a second. Wake up call! First world problems, am I right? I have a job. I have money to easily cover all my needs, and to allow me to live comfortably with some of the things I want. I can borrow money. I have a car which I can drive wherever I want to. I have a home. I have more food than I can eat. I may have some debt, but I'm not Robinson Crusoe there. I'm rich.
I am grateful for what I have. I thank God for my credit cards and my debt. And I love that I can chat to bank staff on line, so they can't hear the inevitable exasperation in my voice. Actually, I no longer feel frustrated. So thank God for this blog, and for those who read it.
June 5, 2015
Celebrate the Small Things: just a book cover
Everyone knows that you can't judge a book by its cover, but my first novel, my debut work, Devolution, was judged by its cover. It was originally published only as an e-book by Eloquent Press, but I wanted it in paperback so I self published with Createspace. It was exciting at the time although I was unhappy with the cover. Choices were limited, and I have always felt that the cover did not do the novel justice. People have commented on its drabness.
Like my other titles, Devolution hasn't sold well, but I had this idea that it might sell well in India given the setting and characters. I said to myself, as I continued writing, and being published with successive contracts with small press publishers Artema Press and Rogue Phoenix Press, that one day if I could afford it I would re cover and re release Devolution.
Having found a joint venture publisher in India who was interested, I took the risk and dived in. Devolution (reborn) will be released on June 21.
Yesterday I received the final cover from my publisher, Dream House. It's only a cover. A cosmetic change, but I am hopeful that it will make a big difference. So today I am grateful for a new cover on Devolution and the chance it offers me to reach new readers.
Like my other titles, Devolution hasn't sold well, but I had this idea that it might sell well in India given the setting and characters. I said to myself, as I continued writing, and being published with successive contracts with small press publishers Artema Press and Rogue Phoenix Press, that one day if I could afford it I would re cover and re release Devolution.
Having found a joint venture publisher in India who was interested, I took the risk and dived in. Devolution (reborn) will be released on June 21.
Yesterday I received the final cover from my publisher, Dream House. It's only a cover. A cosmetic change, but I am hopeful that it will make a big difference. So today I am grateful for a new cover on Devolution and the chance it offers me to reach new readers.
May 25, 2015
Eternal Perspectives
Stop and think for a moment about all the things you think matter: what is important in your life. What things are mountains, and what things are molehills. What trivial little incidents have you turned into monumental catastrophes. What personal disasters have you created because you lack perspective.
Most of what we worry and fret about, most of what we get upset about, does not really matter. Temporary circumstances and inconsequential events which loom large in our rear view mirrors and hover with menace on our horizons.
We've all got problems: some worse than others, but we're all struggling now, or have struggled, or will struggle with something. People and situations. In our personal loves and in our working lives. Life is a bit of a battle. There's no escaping suffering.
How do we get through it all? I don't know about you, but what helps me is having an eternal perspective.
Romans 8:16 says "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us."
One day all suffering and sorrow will end, and that will be a very good day indeed.
Most of what we worry and fret about, most of what we get upset about, does not really matter. Temporary circumstances and inconsequential events which loom large in our rear view mirrors and hover with menace on our horizons.
We've all got problems: some worse than others, but we're all struggling now, or have struggled, or will struggle with something. People and situations. In our personal loves and in our working lives. Life is a bit of a battle. There's no escaping suffering.
How do we get through it all? I don't know about you, but what helps me is having an eternal perspective.
Romans 8:16 says "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us."
One day all suffering and sorrow will end, and that will be a very good day indeed.
May 22, 2015
Celebrate the Small Things: Hugs and well wishes
Today was the final day of my practicum at a local Primary School. I made it! I did it! I finished.It was a really difficult prac for many reasons. The hardest thing was behaviour management which in some classes, like the troublesome one to which I was assigned, takes the majority of the available time.
On Tuesday, a student stabbed another student with a pencil in class while I was occupied trying to settle a dispute between another two students. It seems redundant to say that this was upsetting. The offending student was removed from class, and suspended. The victim was okay apart from a small puncture wound in his shoulder. My supervising teacher was off that day, and myself and the casual teacher on class were unable to control the children. Twenty eight eight and nine year olds totally got the better of us.
That incident concluded, but fresh in my mind together with thoughts about what might have been, (The stabbing could have have had much worse results,) I soldiered on for the rest of the week.
Today I finished up, and upon informing the class that I was leaving, I was immediately swamped with students who wanted to hug me. A few of them had drawn some pictures for me as well. One girl insisted that I had to come back and teach her next year in year 5, and then again the following year.
I am grateful today for the spontaneous affection shown me by children who had driven me half insane over the previous four weeks. I am thankful for the experience overall, and to the staff who supported and encouraged me.
May 17, 2015
What the movies say to me
I've watched a few movies over the last couple of days, and being the deep and meaningful kind of man, I am, I haven't simply viewed these films for their entertainment value. I'm always looking for something, because I don't believe directors or writers are neutral. Even the most superficial of movies, the 'all style and no substance' variety, is, in my opinion trying to say something to us about the human condition.
Mad Max was released in 1979, and is considered an Australian classic. The main theme of Mad Max was revenge. What I took away from it was that if you take away everything that a person has to live for, they no longer have anything to live for, and they stop being themselves. Think about it.
The Imitation Game was released this year, and is a terrific film based on the true story of an eccentric mathematician who worked on a top secret project for the British government during the second world war.What I took away from this film is that nothing is as it seems on the surface, and governments sometimes have to do things which are necessary, albeit extremely distasteful.
The Avengers: Age of Ultron is another in a long line of special effects heavy, plot light superhero movies based on comic book characters. It is a really fun, entertaining movie with stunning visual effects and funny one liners. What I took away from it was that everybody wants to believe that there is someone or something better than them (stronger, faster, smarter) who can save them when they can't save themselves. We all need heroes to believe in, and we all need a saviour.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on movies, these or any others, and the idea they speak volumes about we who devour them.
Mad Max was released in 1979, and is considered an Australian classic. The main theme of Mad Max was revenge. What I took away from it was that if you take away everything that a person has to live for, they no longer have anything to live for, and they stop being themselves. Think about it.
The Imitation Game was released this year, and is a terrific film based on the true story of an eccentric mathematician who worked on a top secret project for the British government during the second world war.What I took away from this film is that nothing is as it seems on the surface, and governments sometimes have to do things which are necessary, albeit extremely distasteful.
The Avengers: Age of Ultron is another in a long line of special effects heavy, plot light superhero movies based on comic book characters. It is a really fun, entertaining movie with stunning visual effects and funny one liners. What I took away from it was that everybody wants to believe that there is someone or something better than them (stronger, faster, smarter) who can save them when they can't save themselves. We all need heroes to believe in, and we all need a saviour.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on movies, these or any others, and the idea they speak volumes about we who devour them.
May 15, 2015
Celebrate the Small Things: Tonsils
I had to take the day off work today because I was feeling unwell, particularly my throat which had caused me a sleepless night. I'm doing a practicum with a Year 3/4 class at a local primary school as part of my Master' degree, and I figured my illness was best kept at home with me. Not to mention the fact that my voice-an important tool for a teacher-was not operating well.
The doctor gave me mini lecture about the evils of smoking before diagnosing tonsilitis, and prescribing rest, fluids and antibiotics. I really wish, as an aside, that we could write our own prescriptions. That would have saved me time money and rescued me from another well intention sermon on the perils of tobacco. Anyway...Today I am grateful for the day off, although obviously not stoked about being ill. The practicum, now 15 days old with 5 to go, has been very taxing, especially emotionally. Maybe that's why I got sick.
The point is, I think, that rest is important, and I'm happy to have a extra day tacked on to my weekend for just that purpose.
By the way what is the purpose of those little things called tonsils?
This blog is a part of Celebrate the small things blog hop. Want to join in? Visit the website for the rules, and post a little note of gratitude every Friday.
