Mari Ness's Blog, page 27

Numbers from the Mosquito Lagoon

Results for yesterday's oystering trip to the Mosquito Lagoon:

1. Number of living oysters over three inches the finding of which was the main point of the trip: 0.

2. Number of empty oyster shells: Enough to start forming their own small barrier island.

3. Number of hermit crabs who had happily stolen someone else's shell and were now trotting off with it: 2.

4. Number of mullet splashing "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME I SHINE SO MUCH IN THE SUN"" Eye-watering.

5. Number of dolphins spotted: two.

6. Number of dolphins who were just happily splashing away and minding their own business until a speedboat showed up: Also, not by coincidence, two.

7. Number of boats at what is reportedly a not particularly boat dock in the middle of nowhere on the Mosquito Lagoon: Lots and lots and lots.

8. Number of manatees: 24 (approximately; also the two I spotted when we returned might have been among the same ones we spotted initially going out)

9. Number of pelicans: 0 (That was surprising.)

10. Number of sting rays: 1

11. Number of boats saying, "What, US pay attention to Manatee Idle Speed No Wake signs? Are you kidding me? It's called a SPEEDBOAT for a REASON!": 1

12. Number of kayakers forced to follow Manatee Idle Speed No Wake signs by default: 18

13. Number of dogs unable for a moment to figure out what boat exactly they are supposed to be getting on because PEOPLE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE and LOOK THAT BOAT IS ALSO AWESOME and I LOVE EVERYBDOY WOW THIS DAY IS THE BESTEST DAY EVER: 1

14. Number of teenagers who never learned how to swim complaining that the lifejacket a parent was ordering to be put on was "butt ugly": 1.

(I wore one too since we were in a motorized canoe, but apparently my example wasn't very inspiring.)

15. Number of times I was unable to identify a particular fish: This is humiliating. Let's not go there.

(Though, alas, we did not actually see that many fish, even with the occasional mullet leaping into the air, which is moderately odd since we were not that far off from the enforced no-take zone at Cape Canaveral. Then again the water wasn't always that clear.)

16. Number of seals spotted on a previous trip when no one who particularly cared about seals was anywhere around: "Large group."

17. Number of seals spotted on this trip when someone who loves seals (me!) was around: Exactly 0.

18. Number of herons flying softly over the water: Just enough to justify every moment of the trip, whatever happened with the oysters.

I haven't had a chance to look at the pictures I attempted to take yet, but if any came out I'll post them up here. (Don't count on manatee pictures; both the camera and the manatees were not cooperating at all.)

Matilda (film)

Over at Tor.com, I chat about Matilda, the film based on Roald Dahl's novel. Seems that the commentators so far liked the film more than I did.

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 6

I had some minor surgery yesterday morning which has left me pretty wiped. But before that, I took some general notes on the episode, which I forgot to post, so here you go:


1. Was it my imagination, or did we – gasp, gasp – get a hint at a bit of future plot in Melisandre's dramatic "WE SHALL MEET AGAIN" bit with Arya? Given that Arya's working for the Many Faced God and Melisandre's working for the Lord of Light I don't see this as an overly friendly meeting, but given the comment I do see it happening in a later book.

2. Speaking of which, dropping the obvious seductress aspect of Melisandre has managed to make her both hotter and somewhat more compelling to watch. I still don't think the actress is getting her – mostly because I'm not getting "absolute fanatic" from her performance, which comes across more clearly in the books – but she's less annoying to watch this season.

3. Speaking of annoying, the Theon torture porn is not getting any easier to watch, HBO. While I'm complaining, a friend who hasn't read the books is completely confused by the entire Theon storyline and also wants to know if anything is going to happen beyond Theon just hanging there and getting tortured. THIS IS A HINT, HBO.

4. Speaking of hanging bodies – auugh, Ros! I didn't even like the character, but I do find it kinda sad that she was killed right after she found something to do other than take off her clothes, and right after she warned Shae to watch over Sansa (not that Shae seems able to do much.)

The kinda horrible touch that Joffrey shot Ros in the same places where Arya shot the straw dude – Erk. Between that and Melisandre's hints I think Our Little Assassin is going to be very fond of arrows.

5. Speaking of arrows...no, I got nothing.

6. The whole "Edmure must marry a Frey girl" turns out to be even more irritating on the show than it was in the books. At least the books gave a sense that Robb slept with Jeyne in a very bad moment when he was wounded AND grieving his young brothers AND feeling rage against Theon, and felt that he was honor bound to make it up to Jeyne, even as other characters bluntly and correctly note that it would have been kinder, long term, to everyone, for Robb to just skedaddle and leave her pregnant.

(I've speculated on this before, but my guess is that it was only partly honor, and more Robb's friendship with Jon (whatever the actual blood relationship), that caused Robb to decide to marry Jeyne – he'd seen what having a bastard could do to family ties, not to mention the number it did on the bastard, and he didn't want a repeat of that. But...I digress.)

Here it's, well, Edmure, you owe me for screwing up the war even though I kinda failed to tell you my strategy so you had no reason to follow it, so, to make up for that, I'm asking you to make up for the considerably worse screw-ups of me (marrying for love instead of the woman I'm betrothed to) and my mother (releasing Jaime Lannister, even less understandable in the show since she hasn't heard that her sons are dead) by marrying a 19 year old stranger. Geesh.

I mean, yay for Robb agreeing that this is unfair, and I realize that plenty of people (hi, Sansa!) are about to enter into far worse marriages (if safer weddings, ahem). and life in Westeros generally sucks, but, grr.

7. JAIME AND BRIENNE TOGETHER 4EVER YAY! Martin, you're going to break my heart over this one, aren't you?

I must say that this is coming across even stronger on screen than it did in the books.

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 5

1. My brother would like to object to the "weird music" that comes on during the closing credits, and I'm going to cosign on this one. I know HBO wants to sell an all new album for this season and given the repetition of most of the themes of the show (the opening credits bit, the NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF TERRORS theme and so on) I don't know how much new music they have to sell, but the musical choices usually have absolutely no thematic connection to whatever was just shown.

This last episode, for instance, ended on a nicely dramatic/cliffhanging note with Charles Dance ordering his screw-up children to accept reality and get their lives together by going into absolutely dreadful marriages. And then immediately followed this brutally realistic moment with a spooky weird song about things under the sea that belonged to another scene. Whiplash.

2. Also, Joffrey isn't dead yet. I realize that's about as repetitive as the theme for the opening credits, but it's still true.

3. My father, meanwhile, had a host of other complaints, including, why aren't we seeing more of Julius Caesar? And what is Julius Caesar doing in the north with a bunch of crazy people?

4. Unhealed stumps of hands, dead babies in jars, the thought of poor Loras having to share a bed with Cersei – yes, I think we can easily list this as one of the most horrifying episodes of the show yet.

5. Nice introduction of greyscale in the show, though I think some explanations will be needed; most of the people who haven't read the books seem to be assuming that Shireen is part dragon. Or burned by dragons.

6. And now let's talk about the show's major deviation from the plot of the books. No, not Cersei married off to Loras instead of Willas Tyrell; given the huge number of characters on the show I'm just as happy to eliminate one who still hasn't appeared in the books.

I'm talking about the whole "I'm going to go recruit Walder Frey so I can go attack Casterly Rock!"

Ok, I admit, as plans go, attacking Casterly Rock is not a bad one, exactly, except for the small problem that to do this, they all have to march UP to the Twins and then march back DOWN and then over to Casterly Rock and I think Robb's belief that Casterly Rock will be mostly unguarded is just a shade unrealistic. Just because you marched off and left Winterfell mostly unguarded and in the control of a maester doesn't mean that Tywin would.

However, that's a quibble. The main problem with this plot line, and it's been coming ever since they switched the motivation for Robb's marriage, is that it ignores exactly why the Red Wedding happened:

Honor.

Specifically, Robb's mistaken sense of honor that he had to marry Jeyne, followed by everyone's mistaken sense of honor that the Freys had to be placated with a high member of the nobility.

If the overall series has a theme so far, it's this: honor can get you into serious trouble. (Is anyone surprised that this is coming from a former Hollywood screenwriter with bitter experience with the U.S. publishing industry? I didn't think so. Moving on.) This episode even made the same point: Jaime Lannister's honorable decision to destroy the mad king before thousands of people were burned alive ended up destroying his reputation and earning him a lifetime of contemptuous glances. Robb's somewhat less honorable but at least legal decision to put Lord Karstark to death for murdering two boys cost him a significant part of his army.

And it's honor that led Robb to the Red Wedding and to death.

That's been changed now, completely. Now, rather than trying to make up for insulting the Freys, Robb and Edmure are trying to get an army to march on Casterly Rock? Leaving aside the whole insult thing, why on EARTH would Walder Frey agree to this? The Lannisters are winning.

The show also massively weakened the "Robb's only choice is to humble himself in front of Lord Frey" by having Talisa point out his other choices – including the most obvious one: go home to Winterfell. Incidentally, given that supposedly she was all anti-war, why isn't she responding to Robb's "My bannermen won't follow me again if we go home" with a resounding "GOOD!"

I still think that the Red Wedding will be shocking and gory and emotional and all that; I just think it will have lost much of its thematic resonance.

7. I know I already said this, but...dead babies in jars?

Another post of random things

1. As I mentioned, my mother's birthday was Friday. She likes orchids and, greatly unlike me, can actually keep them alive and make new blooms appear on them (orchids take one look at me, consider the situation, and unanimously agree that death is the better option.) So my brother and I stopped by Lowe's on our way to get her an orchid.

And there, on the shelves, was something I'd never seen before: a brilliant, almost glowing blue orchid. Blue is not my mother's favorite color by a long shot, but the orchid was so gorgeous I decided to risk that bit and grab it anyway. I was in a nice mood of self-congratulation until we reached their condo...

...where, while waiting for my brother to untangle the balloons, I read the tag and saw that the color had been created by what the tag called a "magical process" and what I call "dye." Any new blossoms will be white. So, for all of my attempt to get my mother a nice unusual orchid I got her a fake one. Oh well. Hopefully the dye won't ruin the plant's push for more flowers.

2. Alas, her birthday lunch was distinguished by some of the worst service we'd encountered for awhile -- a full half hour passed before anyone came to ask us for drinks (by which point we said we were just going to order everything at once) and then things went downhill from there.

Lesson learned: even an unexpected extra half hour waiting for food is not enough time to explain to my father everything that's going on in Game of Thrones and why a certain character on that show isn't dead yet. ("What's happening? They kill EVERYONE ELSE! Why aren't the dragons burning him up? THIS IS A VERY CONFUSING SHOW." Take note, HBO, take note.)

3. Speaking of Game of Thrones, I had the chance to finally play the Game of Thrones board game, and I am amused at how, just like the dynamics in the books, the board game is almost joyfully unbalanced. This does allow players greater opportunities to screw with each other later which again, much like the book.

4. The bifocals keep making me dizzy and are giving me flashes of green and blue (it's the combination of bifocals/prisms in the lenses) so I am pretty much using them for computer use and reading only and otherwise using my sunglasses until the new non-bifocal glasses arrive. This in turn has left me rather cranky. And, as the cats firmly and painfully pointed out this morning, with a tendency to forget that the cat food bowl is supposed to be replenished on a regular basis otherwise the CATS WILL WASTE AWAY TO NOTHING and HOW CAN I SLEEP THROUGH THAT POSSIBILITY? Your regular reminder that crankiness can be contagious, though right now, the Grey One is curled up into a small ball, the very picture of contentment. She, of course, doesn't have to wear bifocals.

Happy birthday, Mom!

Happy birthday!

Snowmelt and bifocals

Two bits of news:

1. As part of their celebration of National Poetry Month, Tor.com has reprinted Snowmelt. I still love this poem.

2. I've picked up the bifocals. I fear these are not going to work out. What neither the eye doctor nor I considered is that since moving my head can induce dizziness or vertigo, I've been instinctively doing less of that over the past four years, moving my eyes instead -- which with the bifocals induces dizziness and vertigo. You can see the problem. I will keep trying for a few more days, but I fear I'm about to head back and just get the regular prescription and carry reading glasses around.

The sunglasses, though, are excellent.

In related news I am developing an extremely bad headache, so, later.

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 4

This episode will probably be on my Hugo nomination ballot next year. So, with that as an introduction, THE CARPING! (Because it's me.)


1. COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT THE SEVERED HAND, HBO. I must say though seeing Jaime pummeled into the mud is all satisfying and almost kinda makes up for the whole throwing a kid off a tower thing.

2. Brienne = COOLEST PERSON ON THE ENTIRE SHOW. Bar none.

On a related note, I couldn't help noticing that the real kickass people in this episode were Arya (loved the bit where the Hound and Beric both agreed that she was the bravest person in the room), Brienne and Dany.

3. "Why would you risk your life for me?" First intelligent question Theon has asked in the entire series, although I'd expand it to "Why would ANYONE risk their lives for me?"

4. Also, ok, I realize that Theon's in gratitude mode, and only book readers would recognize that Theon is making this anguished confession to Ramsey Snow, but, seriously, Theon, ADMITTING at this point that you didn't actually kill Bran and Rickon but just killed two random kids who did nothing to you to save your pride, and admitting this in a "Why don't people LIKE me and APPRECIATE me" sort of way is not doing you any favors.

(I do think the actor is doing an excellent job, and Theon is marginally more sympathetic on the show. Marginally.)

5. And Diana Riggs proves once again why she was the perfect casting. Varys was also excellent tonight; that scene could have continued far longer.

And you know, I almost liked the Ros character and felt she was doing something at last? She's going to die soon now that that miracle has happened, isn't she?

6. You know, I expect we were supposed to feel a bit sorry for old Mormont there, but, honestly, and I say this as someone not overly fond of victim blaming, if anyone on this series has seriously deserved what he got, that would be Craster, followed by Mormont. Ok, sure, Mormont, you can go on and on about Craster feeding and sheltering the scouts of the Wall, but even apart from not feeding the men of the Watch decently and the incest, THE GUY HAS BEEN LEAVING HIS BABIES OUT IN THE COLD FOR ZOMBIES TO EAT, and you continued to work with and tolerate the guy, who frankly makes Theon look like Francis of Assisi in comparison. I mean we've all had to work with people we don't like but surely there are limits. I was totally on the side of the guy who killed Craster. Totally.

7. I AM TOTALLY BACK ON TEAM DANY NOW. Not that I ever really left, mind you. DRAGONS!

Sadly, it will all be downhill from here, at least for awhile, but this episode did demonstrate why: right after that moment, Dany is hands down the best contender for the throne. She has the right of birth (even granting that her ancestors gained Westeros by conquest, Joffrey and Stannis are using the same ancestry for their claim) and she's really the only person of the current five contenders (Joffrey, Stannis, Balon, Robb, Dany) who is actually a) acting like a monarch, b) doing the hero route of rising from begging in the desert to taking over a city, c) doing anything whatsoever to help ordinary people, d) not creating shadow creatures (ok, that's just one of the lot) and so on.

But that isn't the story Martin is writing. That's The Belgariad or The Lord of the Rings, or other such tale, where the exiled king/queen returns to the throne after doing great deeds of grandeur and is joyfully accepted by the common people and the nobility alike. Martin is working against this, writing the story where the exiled king/queen returns and everyone mostly says, yeah, so what? Which only works if the readers (and on HBO, the viewers) are given some reason to dislike Dany or see why she would not be welcomed to the throne – or at least easily conquer it with her dragons. Right at the moment, she's been shown rising from her victimization by her brother (sympathy), the death of her husband and child (sympathy), a harsh trip in the desert (sympathy), a rather annoying "my dragons are gone!" (in the show only, fortunately), and now this. It's a march of triumph, and for the show to work at all, it's going to have to be halted. Grr.

Gleaming, in Mythic Delirium

So last week the latest issue of Mythic Delirum, containing my poem, "Gleaming," arrived in my mailbox, with its cover of a freaky snowman and an interior of marvelous poems. I've just started dipping into the words and am caught, as always, by the magic.

"Gleaming" is the poem that I submitted completely by accident, not even realizing that I'd done so until weeks later. And by "completely by accident" I mean that I was so unaware that it was in the file I submitted that I didn't name it in the title of the file or on my cover letter, learning that I'd sent it along with three other poems (which I did list on the cover letter and in Excel) only weeks later on Twitter. From the editor. Oh well. The perils of copying and pasting and going through about five different combinations of poems to sell.

In related news, Mike Allen, the editor, rejected the three poems I so carefully picked out, assuming he would love, and grabbed this one instead. Which says something about my ability to figure out what editors will or won't love.

In unrelated to my incompetence news, Mythic Delirium is about to switch from print to ezine form, so you might want to grab one last print issue while you can.

I have other thoughts, but I don't seem to be caffeinated enough to express them, so, more blogging later.

E.L. Konigsburg

Entertainment Weekly is reporting that E.L. Konigsburg has died.

I haven't gotten around to blogging about Konigsburg over on Tor.com, and probably won't, since strictly speaking she wrote only one speculative fiction novel, Up From Jericho Tel, which is not one of her better known works. But in a way, From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler has certain fantastic elements, or at least wish-fulfillment elements: I still find it just slightly difficult to believe that no one would have noticed two kids happily living in the Metropolitan Museum for a week. And her first novel, Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley and Me, Elizabeth, is more or less about how to train to be a witch. Kinda.

Regardless of plausibility, From the Mixed Up Files was one of my favorite books of all time for years; I begged and begged to go to the Met, and especially to see the fountain. Years later in college I had to laugh when, after a trip to a Cloisters, a friend admitted that she'd never been to the Met; we went, and shortly after stepping inside, the friend said wistfully that would I mind if we headed to the furniture? She had a bed she wanted to see. And to the Egyptian section. It also sparked a nice if temporary interest in Michelangelo for me, and a certain appreciation that art is not just for beauty, or for comfort, or to look at: art is for adventure.

Thanks for the books, Ms. Konigsburg.