Graham Downs's Blog, page 30
May 19, 2015
Crossword Puzzle - April 2015 Answers
Anybody looking for answers?
Well, you found them!
No, not the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. The answers to the April 2015 Crossword Puzzle.
Hope you all had fun filling it in. I promised that the winner of this month's crossword would receive a free electronic copy of my latest book, Heaven and Earth: Paranormal Flash Fiction. And the winner is...
Nobody.
Sorry the puzzle was so hard for everyone - or maybe you got it right, and were just shy?
Whatever the case, here are the answers:
CluesAcross1 Writer, Hamlet (11) Shakespeare 8 No problems here (3) A-OK9 '80s mountain bike (3) BMX10 Informal, you (3) thy11 Grain or corn (4) curn13 Joe Dever's monastic order (3) Kai14 Precious stone (3) gem15 The zest of a lemon (9) lemon peel17 South African police (4) SAPS18 Often eaten with gravy (3) pie19 Soap (3) sud20 On top of (4) upon23 Mother Theresa (9) wise woman25 de Janeiro (3) Rio26 Slang for steal (3) cly27 Expressing surprise (4) egad28 Modern symbol of slavery (3) tie29 Salty water (3) sea30 To row a boat (3) oar31 Dissipation of heat from the body (adjective) (11) thermolytic
Down2 Japanese Samurai sword (6) katana3 Earliest ancestor of the horse (8) Eohippus 4 Why is it blue? (3) sky5 To do exceptionally well (5) excel6 Of Einstein (11) Einsteinian 7 Complete removal (11) abolishment 12 Said while scratching your head (2) um13 Afrikaans food (3) kos14 Prefix denoting past tense (Afrikaans) (2) ge16 Better than usual (8) especial 21 Nocturnal bird's abode (6) owlery22 To vex (3) noy23 Broader (5) wider24 Blind Discworld god (2) Io25 Sun god (2) Ra28 Also (3) too
See you next week, for the May 2015 puzzle!
Well, you found them!
No, not the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. The answers to the April 2015 Crossword Puzzle.
Hope you all had fun filling it in. I promised that the winner of this month's crossword would receive a free electronic copy of my latest book, Heaven and Earth: Paranormal Flash Fiction. And the winner is...
Nobody.
Sorry the puzzle was so hard for everyone - or maybe you got it right, and were just shy?
Whatever the case, here are the answers:

CluesAcross1 Writer, Hamlet (11) Shakespeare 8 No problems here (3) A-OK9 '80s mountain bike (3) BMX10 Informal, you (3) thy11 Grain or corn (4) curn13 Joe Dever's monastic order (3) Kai14 Precious stone (3) gem15 The zest of a lemon (9) lemon peel17 South African police (4) SAPS18 Often eaten with gravy (3) pie19 Soap (3) sud20 On top of (4) upon23 Mother Theresa (9) wise woman25 de Janeiro (3) Rio26 Slang for steal (3) cly27 Expressing surprise (4) egad28 Modern symbol of slavery (3) tie29 Salty water (3) sea30 To row a boat (3) oar31 Dissipation of heat from the body (adjective) (11) thermolytic
Down2 Japanese Samurai sword (6) katana3 Earliest ancestor of the horse (8) Eohippus 4 Why is it blue? (3) sky5 To do exceptionally well (5) excel6 Of Einstein (11) Einsteinian 7 Complete removal (11) abolishment 12 Said while scratching your head (2) um13 Afrikaans food (3) kos14 Prefix denoting past tense (Afrikaans) (2) ge16 Better than usual (8) especial 21 Nocturnal bird's abode (6) owlery22 To vex (3) noy23 Broader (5) wider24 Blind Discworld god (2) Io25 Sun god (2) Ra28 Also (3) too
See you next week, for the May 2015 puzzle!
Published on May 19, 2015 07:30
May 12, 2015
Tales from Virdura: Pretty Pilfered Things

“See here?” he said to his friends. “I told you so – the treasure of Artheros is ours! And nobody will ever be any the wiser. Now, wasn’t it worth all the spelunking, Sam?”
A man to his left clapped him on the back, then reached into the bag on the ground and pulled out his own stone, a translucent yellow one. “That’s for sure, Jack. Our only problem now is how to spend it.”
Enthusiastic nods and agreeable noises erupted from the seven other people sitting around in the circle. A silence fell upon with group, punctuated by satisfying sighs as people took various jewels and gemstones in their hands and admired them.
After a while, another man spoke. “Tell you what, though,” he said. “there is one among us who doesn’t deserve but a single stone.” He turned to face one of his peers, a small man sitting silently in the corner. Pointing at the man, he said “Martin. What did you do to help us win this treasure? Why, when that giant spider attacked, you cowered behind me, that’s all you did!”
At that, Martin leapt to his feet and exclaimed in a voice far louder than his stature would suggest, “I did not cower, Devon! I was using my superior intellect, and waiting for a chance to sneak around the spider and claim the treasure. And I did, didn’t I? I could’ve carried it out again too, and you’d have been none the wiser, you were too busy wasting your time with the spider.”
Devon, the man who had accused Martin, drew his sword and pointed it at Martin’s throat. “You take that back!” he said.
All at once, the entire company was on their feet, standing in a circle around Martin and Devon. “Fight! Fight! Fight!” they chanted.
But before the fighting could commence, a loud voice was heard from outside their cave. “Jack the Pilferer! You are under arrest, by order of the Queen of Virdura. We suggest you come quietly, or we will come in and get you. And in case you haven’t noticed, that bag you claimed from Antheros is full of nothing but worthless glass baubles.”
***
A young boy looked away from the scene, up at his father, and giggled. “That was funny, Father!”
The boy’s father looked down at his son and smiled lovingly. “Yes, it was. But it’s also quite serious. You see, Solon, one day, you will perform these divinations as well. You will serve the next queen of this fine kingdom, as I do today, and as your grandfather did before me. It’s a big responsibility, not to be taken lightly.”
Solon looked up at his father in awe. “Really, Father? I get to help catch rotten crooks like Jack the Pilferer?”
His father laughed a hearty laugh. “Yes, indeed, my son. That, and a great deal more.”
Published on May 12, 2015 07:00
May 5, 2015
Results of 2015 E-Book Piracy Survey
For the whole of last month (April 2015), I ran a survey where I asked people four different questions about their e-book piracy habits. Here are the results:
Have you pirated an e-book in the last twelve months?I got a total of twenty-five responses to this question. Four people said that yes, they had pirated an e-book in the last twelve months.
Why do you pirate e-books?This question was only answered by people who answered Yes to the above question. Two people said they did it because the e-books they wanted weren't legally available in their country of residence, and another two said it was because they felt the prices of e-books were too high.
One person said that pirating e-books was more convenient than obtaining them legally, and another said it was a moral or ethical decision to pirate e-books instead of paying for them.
Have you ever pirated one of my e-books?Hooray for me! Not a single respondent said yes to this question. I must be doing something right!
Which of my e-books have you pirated?This question was supposed to only be answered by people who answered Yes to the previous question. Nonetheless, one person who filled in this survey, said that they had pirated Heritage of Deceit.
Thank you to everyone who filled out the survey. I promise to use your responses to inform the way I market and sell my books, moving forward.
If you missed the survey, I'd still like to hear your responses. Please post your comments below, and let me know what you think.
Have you pirated an e-book in the last twelve months?I got a total of twenty-five responses to this question. Four people said that yes, they had pirated an e-book in the last twelve months.

Why do you pirate e-books?This question was only answered by people who answered Yes to the above question. Two people said they did it because the e-books they wanted weren't legally available in their country of residence, and another two said it was because they felt the prices of e-books were too high.
One person said that pirating e-books was more convenient than obtaining them legally, and another said it was a moral or ethical decision to pirate e-books instead of paying for them.

Have you ever pirated one of my e-books?Hooray for me! Not a single respondent said yes to this question. I must be doing something right!
Which of my e-books have you pirated?This question was supposed to only be answered by people who answered Yes to the previous question. Nonetheless, one person who filled in this survey, said that they had pirated Heritage of Deceit.
Thank you to everyone who filled out the survey. I promise to use your responses to inform the way I market and sell my books, moving forward.
If you missed the survey, I'd still like to hear your responses. Please post your comments below, and let me know what you think.
Published on May 05, 2015 07:00
April 28, 2015
Crossword Puzzle - April 2015
I have something very special for you this month. To celebrate the release, earlier this month, of my new book, Heaven and Earth (If you don't know about it yet, where have you been?), the first person to successfully complete this puzzle, and send me the answers, will receive a free electronic copy of the new book!
That's right - simply complete this puzzle, and e-mail me your answers. I'll be publishing the correct answers on this blog, on Tuesday 26 May 2015, and I'll publish the winner's name there. The winner will also be announced in my May 2015 newsletter, so sign up if you don't want to miss it.
Ready? Go!
CluesAcross
1 Writer, Hamlet (11)8 No problems here (3)9 '80s mountain bike (3)10 Informal, you (3)11 Grain or corn (4)13 Joe Dever's monastic order (3)14 Precious stone (3)15 The zest of a lemon (9)17 South African police (4)18 Often eaten with gravy (3)19 Soap (3)20 On top of (4)23 Mother Theresa (9)25 de Janeiro (3)26 Slang for steal (3)27 Expressing surprise (4)28 Modern symbol of slavery (3)29 Salty water (3)30 To row a boat (3)31 Dissipation of heat from the body (adjective) (11)
Down
2 Japanese Samurai sword (6)3 Earliest ancestor of the horse (8)4 Why is it blue? (3)5 To do exceptionally well (5)6 Of Einstein (11)7 Complete removal (11)12 Said while scratching your head (2)13 Afrikaans food (3)14 Prefix denoting past tense (Afrikaans) (2)16 Better than usual (8)21 Nocturnal bird's abode (6)22 To vex (3)23 Broader (5)24 Blind Discworld god (2)25 Sun god (2)28 Also (3)
That's right - simply complete this puzzle, and e-mail me your answers. I'll be publishing the correct answers on this blog, on Tuesday 26 May 2015, and I'll publish the winner's name there. The winner will also be announced in my May 2015 newsletter, so sign up if you don't want to miss it.
Ready? Go!

CluesAcross
1 Writer, Hamlet (11)8 No problems here (3)9 '80s mountain bike (3)10 Informal, you (3)11 Grain or corn (4)13 Joe Dever's monastic order (3)14 Precious stone (3)15 The zest of a lemon (9)17 South African police (4)18 Often eaten with gravy (3)19 Soap (3)20 On top of (4)23 Mother Theresa (9)25 de Janeiro (3)26 Slang for steal (3)27 Expressing surprise (4)28 Modern symbol of slavery (3)29 Salty water (3)30 To row a boat (3)31 Dissipation of heat from the body (adjective) (11)
Down
2 Japanese Samurai sword (6)3 Earliest ancestor of the horse (8)4 Why is it blue? (3)5 To do exceptionally well (5)6 Of Einstein (11)7 Complete removal (11)12 Said while scratching your head (2)13 Afrikaans food (3)14 Prefix denoting past tense (Afrikaans) (2)16 Better than usual (8)21 Nocturnal bird's abode (6)22 To vex (3)23 Broader (5)24 Blind Discworld god (2)25 Sun god (2)28 Also (3)
Published on April 28, 2015 07:00
April 21, 2015
Crossword Puzzle - March 2015 Answers
Well, well, what's there to say? Who's waiting for the answers to my March 2015 crossword puzzle?
CluesAcross1 Song rhymes with Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star (3) ABC 4 PW (5) Botha 8 Cousin (3) cuz 10 fog signal (8) diaphone 13 From the French Héloïse (6) Eloise 14 Of a cat (6) feline 15 A young goat (3) kid 16 Spirit (4) gees 17 Famous game from Microsoft (4) Halo 19 Promissory note (3) IOU20 And flotsam (6) jetsam 23 Smells like dishwashing liquid (6) lemony 26 Da Vinci (8) Leonardo 27 Singular (3) one 28 Care-giver (5) nurse 29 Peace or World (3) mirDown2 Administrative assistant to chancellor (5) bedel 3 Musical timing (5) duple 5 Possesses (4) owns 6 Feeling of being alone (11) abandonment 7 What you think of yourself (11) self-opinion8 Commune in western France (4) Caen 9 Tibetan cattle (3) zho 11 River in northern France (4) Oise 12 Expressions of surprise (4) eeks 17 Body of a ship (4) hull18 VIP vehicle (4) limo20 Knowledge (5) jnana 21 Medieval circuit court (4) eyre 22 Japanese paper door (5) shoji 24 Snake-like fishes (4) eels25 Or nearest offer (3) ONO
See you next week for another puzzle. You never know - maybe there'll be something special in it for you, in commemoration of the April 2015 release of Heaven and Earth!

CluesAcross1 Song rhymes with Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star (3) ABC 4 PW (5) Botha 8 Cousin (3) cuz 10 fog signal (8) diaphone 13 From the French Héloïse (6) Eloise 14 Of a cat (6) feline 15 A young goat (3) kid 16 Spirit (4) gees 17 Famous game from Microsoft (4) Halo 19 Promissory note (3) IOU20 And flotsam (6) jetsam 23 Smells like dishwashing liquid (6) lemony 26 Da Vinci (8) Leonardo 27 Singular (3) one 28 Care-giver (5) nurse 29 Peace or World (3) mirDown2 Administrative assistant to chancellor (5) bedel 3 Musical timing (5) duple 5 Possesses (4) owns 6 Feeling of being alone (11) abandonment 7 What you think of yourself (11) self-opinion8 Commune in western France (4) Caen 9 Tibetan cattle (3) zho 11 River in northern France (4) Oise 12 Expressions of surprise (4) eeks 17 Body of a ship (4) hull18 VIP vehicle (4) limo20 Knowledge (5) jnana 21 Medieval circuit court (4) eyre 22 Japanese paper door (5) shoji 24 Snake-like fishes (4) eels25 Or nearest offer (3) ONO
See you next week for another puzzle. You never know - maybe there'll be something special in it for you, in commemoration of the April 2015 release of Heaven and Earth!
Published on April 21, 2015 07:30
April 14, 2015
Tales from Viruda: The Demise of Lucy

for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.William awoke to the sound of incessant screaming and banging on his front door.
“Mr William, please. Come quick!”
It was the voice of Jeremy, son of Marcus, his next door neighbour.
Looking through the window, William could see that it was still dark outside, although he judged that dawn wasn't far off. He climbed out of bed, stuck his feet into a pair of slippers, and hurried to his front door.
When he opened it, he saw the boy standing there. He had calmed down a little by this point, but was still snivelling, and rubbing his eyes.
“Jeremy, what's wrong?” asked William.
“It's Lucy, sir. Our poor cow. Papa killed him this morning, and I miss her so much. I don't know what to do!”
William was stunned. He knew the family well. Marcus and Cathryn had three sons, of which Jeremy was the oldest. While William was well known for being an abusive father and husband, William didn't think he would ever have killed Lucy; the cow was the childrens' pet, and they loved her dearly. Besides, Lucy had been their only cow, and they needed her for milk. He knew that they'd been trying to find a mate for her and hadn't had much success. Perhaps they had gotten tired of waiting, but it still didn't make any sense.
William sighed and said, “All right, Jeremy. Calm down. Now tell me, why would your father do such a thing?”
“Papa was hungry,” said Jeremy. “He said he wanted meat to eat. Mama told him that we could slaughter a pig instead. He got angry and yelled at her, and he hit her. He said that he was tired of pork, and wanted beef for a change. Then he went out to the barn and got an axe. We tried to stop him.” Jeremy pointed to his left eye, showing a large bruise. William was surprised that he hadn't noticed it before; Jeremy's eye was almost swollen shut.
William held the boy tightly to himself, as Jeremy went on. “There was so much blood, Mr William, and we didn't want to see. Papa made us watch; he said it would turn us into men.”
As Jeremy sobbed and squeezed William tightly, William spoke. “There, there,” he said. “I'm sorry, Jeremy. There's nothing that can be done about it, now. I need to attend to my animals today. Will you help me?”
“No thanks, Mr William,” said Jeremy, and sniffed. “I need to get home. Papa will be angry if I'm not at breakfast.” He turned slowly, and walked away, leaving William staring after him, quietly shaking his head.
***
During the course of that week, William continued to tend his farm, as usual. He did not see Jeremy again, but occasionally heard the unmistakable sound of Marcus screaming at his “stupid boy” for doing something he shouldn't, or not doing something that he should. William's heart was heavy, and he wished that one day, something could be done for those boys and their mother, to take them away from their abusive father.
One morning, as he was working in the fields, he heard a voice, “William, a Virduran farmer!”
William looked around, and saw a tall man with broad shoulders, wearing the uniform of the queen's guard.
As the man got closer, William stood up straight. “Yes? What is it?”
“Come with me,” said the guard. “Your presence has been requested in the throne room at Castle Virdura. You have been accused to stealing your neighbour's cow.”
To find out what happens next, please read the fantasy short story, A Petition to Magic.
Published on April 14, 2015 07:30
April 7, 2015
Do You Pirate E-Books?

The reason I ask is simple. Earlier this month, South African technology site and forum MyBroadband conducted a survey, asking people whether they pirate content (movies, games, television series, etc.) online, and if so, why. You can read the results of that survey here.
The results were very interesting indeed. It turns out that, of the 4 007 IT professionals that completed the survey, 55% had pirated something in the last twelve months. The reasons why they pirated content was quite surprising to me.
Anyway, you can read the results of that survey by clicking the link above.
What I found disappointing was that the survey didn't give any information about the people that specifically pirated e-books. Even though a follow-up article revealed that 27% of those people who admitted to piracy, also pirated books, it doesn't go into any great detail about that demographic.
I have therefore created my own little survey, and I wonder if you would mind taking a few moments to fill it in. Aside from being specifically about e-books, my readership is also more international than MyBroadband (which is very South African focused), and so I'm also hoping to understand whether the trends reported for South Africans would be mirrored internationally.
If you wouldn't mind taking my survey, I'd really appreciate it. Click here to fill it out; it should take less than five minutes!
You can also join the conversation, and let us all know your feelings about e-book piracy, by posting your comments below. Just remember that, while the survey is completely anonymous, the commenting system is not!
The image for this post comes from a 2011 article by CNET, entitled Kindle e-book piracy accelerates.
Published on April 07, 2015 07:30
March 31, 2015
Crossword Puzzle - March 2015
Here we are again, at the last Tuesday of the month. It's also the last Tuesday of the first quarter of 2015!
But, the question is, will it be your lucky day? It just might, if you can correctly complete the following crossword puzzle. Print it out, fill in the answers, and e-mail them to me before Tuesday, 21 April 2015. If your answers are correct, and you're the first, I'll mention your name in the blog post on that day, along with the answers. Not only that, but it'll also go into my April 2015 e-mail newsletter.
You'll be famous. How does that sound?
CluesAcross1 Song rhymes with Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star (3)4 PW (5)8 Cousin (3)10 fog signal (8)13 From the French Héloïse (6)14 Of a cat (6)15 A young goat (3)16 Spirit (4)17 Famous game from Microsoft (4)19 Promissory note (3)20 And flotsam (6)23 Smells like dishwashing liquid (6)26 Da Vinci (8)27 Singular (3)28 Care-giver (5)29 Peace or World (3)
Down2 Administrative assistant to chancellor (5)3 Musical timing (5)5 Possesses (4)6 Feeling of being alone (11)7 What you think of yourself (11)8 Commune in western France (4)9 Tibetan cattle (3)11 River in northern France (4)12 Expressions of surprise (4)17 Body of a ship (4)18 VIP vehicle (4)20 Knowledge (5)21 Medieval circuit court (4)22 Japanese paper door (5)24 Snake-like fishes (4)25 Or nearest offer (3)
But, the question is, will it be your lucky day? It just might, if you can correctly complete the following crossword puzzle. Print it out, fill in the answers, and e-mail them to me before Tuesday, 21 April 2015. If your answers are correct, and you're the first, I'll mention your name in the blog post on that day, along with the answers. Not only that, but it'll also go into my April 2015 e-mail newsletter.
You'll be famous. How does that sound?

CluesAcross1 Song rhymes with Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star (3)4 PW (5)8 Cousin (3)10 fog signal (8)13 From the French Héloïse (6)14 Of a cat (6)15 A young goat (3)16 Spirit (4)17 Famous game from Microsoft (4)19 Promissory note (3)20 And flotsam (6)23 Smells like dishwashing liquid (6)26 Da Vinci (8)27 Singular (3)28 Care-giver (5)29 Peace or World (3)
Down2 Administrative assistant to chancellor (5)3 Musical timing (5)5 Possesses (4)6 Feeling of being alone (11)7 What you think of yourself (11)8 Commune in western France (4)9 Tibetan cattle (3)11 River in northern France (4)12 Expressions of surprise (4)17 Body of a ship (4)18 VIP vehicle (4)20 Knowledge (5)21 Medieval circuit court (4)22 Japanese paper door (5)24 Snake-like fishes (4)25 Or nearest offer (3)
Published on March 31, 2015 07:30
March 26, 2015
Story: Stacey's World
Author's Note: What? Two posts in one week? Yes, indeedy! Don't get used to it, though. This is just an extra-special bonus story for you to enjoy, but in reality it serves as my entry into The Short Story and Flash Fiction Society's "Short Story #6". Please head on over there and tell them in the comments how much you want me to win!
On to the story. I hope you enjoy it!
“How dare you talk to Mistress Stacey that way!”
Cap'n Stacey held her arm out across Jack's chest. “Easy there, Jack,” she said. Her First Mate was loyal to a fault, but he could also be impulsive and stupid sometimes. “I'll handle this.”
Turning to the old crone, she continued, “Now, old woman, if you will just give us what we came here for, we shall be off this island, and on our way. The sword, if you please.”
The old woman threw her head back and cackled. “You mean my island, lass,” she said. “And as I told you, the price for the sword is five hundred gold pieces.”
Stacey drew her sword, and lunged towards the woman, but was stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a loud bang to her right, where Jack was standing. She spun around to see what it was, only to discover that Jack had disappeared.
The captain's face went blood red, and her fist tightened on her sword. “You old crone,” she said, “what have you done to my first mate?”
Ribbit.
Stacey looked down. Sitting there on the floor of the old crone's cave was a large bullfrog. The frog looked up at her and blinked, and the miniature cocked hat sitting on its head cocked just a little further to the left.
“Jack?” said Stacey, and her eyes went wide with incredulity. “Is that you?”
The crone cackled once more. “As I said, dearie,” she said, “this is my island, and the price for the sword is five hundred gold... oh, and that adorable little frog.”
“I don't know what you've done,” said the captain, “and I don't really want to know. We're getting the hell off this island!”
“Not so fast!” boomed a loud voice, previously unheard. “It looks as though you're now in need of a First Mate, my dear.”
As Stacey watched, it became obvious from whence this new voice came, for the sword in question began to levitate off the stone table it had been lying on. Once it had reached a suitable height, it rotated, and hung in the air, pommel facing the floor, blade pointing towards the ceiling.
This was all getting a little too strange for Stacey, and she began to back away slowly towards the open doorway to the cave.
The sword moved, so fast that it seemed to disappear, and re-appeared behind Stacey's back. She spun around to face it, and it waved menacingly at her in the air.
“That was not a suggestion. Pay the woman.”
Stacey's jaw dropped. Her hand opened and the sword she was holding fell to the floor with a clank. She turned around and removed the pouch of gold from her belt. Not even bothering to count out the money, she tossed it on the table in front of the old woman. Then she turned and moved swiftly out of the cave, with the talking, levitating sword flying closely behind her.
***
Waiting patiently on the beach beside the landing boat, Otto and Terry were casually chatting away, waiting for their captain to return. Hearing a rustle in the jungle, both sprang alert, expecting to see Stacey and her First Mate, Jack, emerge.
Stacey came rushing out of the trees, her ample bosom bouncing pleasantly up and down in her bodice. The two men stared at her, little drops of saliva beginning to form on their lips.
They were snapped out of it no more than a second later, when their captain began shouting to “Get it off me!” The two looked at each other quizzically, before they saw a disembodied sword floating behind her.
“What's this, Cap'n?” asked Otto. “And where is Jack?”
“Never you mind,” snapped their leader. “Take this sword down, now!”
Unsure how they were going to fight a sword with no wielder, Otto and Terry nonetheless drew their own swords and leapt forward. Each of them took a swing, but the disembodied sword deftly dodged both attacks. Stacy drew a knife from her belt and joined the fray, but her attacks were also easily avoided.
“Where's... your... sword?” huffed Terry.
“Lost it,” grunted the Captain, as she took another lunge towards the floating weapon.
“Mistress, please,” came a voice from the direction of the sword.
Otto and Terry immediately stopped.
“Can it talk?” asked Otto.
Stacey also stopped fighting, as she realised it would do no good. “Apparently so,” she said.
“Please,” continued the sword. “It is not my wish to hurt anyone. I only wanted to get away from the clutches of Miss Martha. She is an evil, evil woman.”
Stacey spoke up. “You seemed pretty intent on harming me back at the cave.”
“I had to put up a show,” said the sword. “If she had let you take me without payment, or without a fight, who knows what she would have done. Probably destroyed me, at the very least. She can do that, you know.”
“I see,” said Stacey. “And just what am I supposed to do with you?”
“My name is Promo,” replied the sword. “I am a very capable fighter, strategist, and tactician. And I wasn't joking when I observed that you were in need of a First Mate. If the position is available, it would be my honour.”
With that, Promo gave a deep bow by bringing his point almost level with Stacey's chest.
Stacey considered this a moment. “Very well,” she said, after a long pause. “I suppose it could be useful, having a magic sword around. And besides,” she gestured to the empty scabbard at her belt, “I seem to be short a sword, as well.”
When the unlikely group of Captain Stacey, her men Otto and Terry, and her magic sword cum First Mate Promo, were in the boat, about ready to shove off, another rustling could be heard coming from the jungle. As they looked up, they heard a voice:
“Wait for me!”
A moment later, a large ginger tabby-cat came bounding out of the trees. It did not stop running until it reached the boat, whereupon it hopped aboard.
“Oh please, mistress,” said the cat. It's mouth moved comically as it spoke, much to the surprise of Stacey and her men. But, she reasoned, if there are talking swords in this world, then a talking cat isn't very far fetched.
“Let me come with you,” continued the cat. “My name is Spice, and I've been trying to get away from old Martha for the longest time. I'll be very good, I promise.”
Stacey looked at Promo, who gave the closest approximation to a shrug that a disembodied weapon could possibly give.
“Might as well,” he said. “Martha doesn't treat her animals too well, and I shudder to think what might come of old Spice, now that I'm not around to protect him.”
Stacey sighed. “Very well,” she said, “As long as you don't make a nuisance of yourself.”
***
Over the next several days, Stacey, her First Mate Promo, and Spice the cat, sailed the Seven Seas along with their motley crew. As Spice had predicted, they heard nothing from the old witch, Martha, who never really liked her cat anyway, and was in fact quite pleased to see him go. Spice did express, with some sadness for Stacey's part, his concern for how the witch would be treating Jack, the cock hat wearing bullfrog, and Stacey's former first mate.
It didn't take long, though, for it to become apparent to Stacey why Martha hadn't minded the loss of her cat. Spice was a nuisance. Aside from lamenting Jack's likely fate, he insisted on complaining about absolutely everything.
He complained that there wasn't enough to eat. When he caught a rat, he complained that it was tough and scrawny, and not succulent and juicy like the rats he used to catch back in the jungle. When he was ignored, he complained that he was not given enough attention. When Stacey would reach down from her favourite chair to stroke Spice, he would complain that she was smothering him.
Promo suggested on more than one occasion that they throw Spice overboard, or slaughter him, and on more than one occasion, Stacey was inclined to agree with him. However, she simply could not bring herself to get rid of the wonderful talking cat.
One evening, during a terrible storm, Otto was running around the deck, shouting orders on behalf of his captain, and supervising the reefing of sails and the battening down of hatches. In his haste to run to one of the men to explain to him how to do it properly, he accidentally kicked poor old Spice, who was cowering against the mast.
The cat went flying through the air, over the edge of the ship, and into the water. Realising immediately what he had done, he raced to the railing in time to see Spice treading water in the choppy sea. Lightning flashed in the distance, and Otto didn't know what to do.
He called for the captain, who arrived just in time to see a massive whale ascend from the deep and swallow Spice whole.
***
The captain had been livid that day, but overall she was pleased at how well they had weathered the storm. That evening, she had sat in her armchair, sipping a healthy glass of rum, enjoying the silence, and quietly saying goodbye to the cat who wouldn't stop complaining.
On to the story. I hope you enjoy it!
“How dare you talk to Mistress Stacey that way!”
Cap'n Stacey held her arm out across Jack's chest. “Easy there, Jack,” she said. Her First Mate was loyal to a fault, but he could also be impulsive and stupid sometimes. “I'll handle this.”
Turning to the old crone, she continued, “Now, old woman, if you will just give us what we came here for, we shall be off this island, and on our way. The sword, if you please.”
The old woman threw her head back and cackled. “You mean my island, lass,” she said. “And as I told you, the price for the sword is five hundred gold pieces.”
Stacey drew her sword, and lunged towards the woman, but was stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a loud bang to her right, where Jack was standing. She spun around to see what it was, only to discover that Jack had disappeared.
The captain's face went blood red, and her fist tightened on her sword. “You old crone,” she said, “what have you done to my first mate?”
Ribbit.
Stacey looked down. Sitting there on the floor of the old crone's cave was a large bullfrog. The frog looked up at her and blinked, and the miniature cocked hat sitting on its head cocked just a little further to the left.
“Jack?” said Stacey, and her eyes went wide with incredulity. “Is that you?”
The crone cackled once more. “As I said, dearie,” she said, “this is my island, and the price for the sword is five hundred gold... oh, and that adorable little frog.”
“I don't know what you've done,” said the captain, “and I don't really want to know. We're getting the hell off this island!”
“Not so fast!” boomed a loud voice, previously unheard. “It looks as though you're now in need of a First Mate, my dear.”
As Stacey watched, it became obvious from whence this new voice came, for the sword in question began to levitate off the stone table it had been lying on. Once it had reached a suitable height, it rotated, and hung in the air, pommel facing the floor, blade pointing towards the ceiling.
This was all getting a little too strange for Stacey, and she began to back away slowly towards the open doorway to the cave.
The sword moved, so fast that it seemed to disappear, and re-appeared behind Stacey's back. She spun around to face it, and it waved menacingly at her in the air.
“That was not a suggestion. Pay the woman.”
Stacey's jaw dropped. Her hand opened and the sword she was holding fell to the floor with a clank. She turned around and removed the pouch of gold from her belt. Not even bothering to count out the money, she tossed it on the table in front of the old woman. Then she turned and moved swiftly out of the cave, with the talking, levitating sword flying closely behind her.
***
Waiting patiently on the beach beside the landing boat, Otto and Terry were casually chatting away, waiting for their captain to return. Hearing a rustle in the jungle, both sprang alert, expecting to see Stacey and her First Mate, Jack, emerge.
Stacey came rushing out of the trees, her ample bosom bouncing pleasantly up and down in her bodice. The two men stared at her, little drops of saliva beginning to form on their lips.
They were snapped out of it no more than a second later, when their captain began shouting to “Get it off me!” The two looked at each other quizzically, before they saw a disembodied sword floating behind her.
“What's this, Cap'n?” asked Otto. “And where is Jack?”
“Never you mind,” snapped their leader. “Take this sword down, now!”
Unsure how they were going to fight a sword with no wielder, Otto and Terry nonetheless drew their own swords and leapt forward. Each of them took a swing, but the disembodied sword deftly dodged both attacks. Stacy drew a knife from her belt and joined the fray, but her attacks were also easily avoided.
“Where's... your... sword?” huffed Terry.
“Lost it,” grunted the Captain, as she took another lunge towards the floating weapon.
“Mistress, please,” came a voice from the direction of the sword.
Otto and Terry immediately stopped.
“Can it talk?” asked Otto.
Stacey also stopped fighting, as she realised it would do no good. “Apparently so,” she said.
“Please,” continued the sword. “It is not my wish to hurt anyone. I only wanted to get away from the clutches of Miss Martha. She is an evil, evil woman.”
Stacey spoke up. “You seemed pretty intent on harming me back at the cave.”
“I had to put up a show,” said the sword. “If she had let you take me without payment, or without a fight, who knows what she would have done. Probably destroyed me, at the very least. She can do that, you know.”
“I see,” said Stacey. “And just what am I supposed to do with you?”
“My name is Promo,” replied the sword. “I am a very capable fighter, strategist, and tactician. And I wasn't joking when I observed that you were in need of a First Mate. If the position is available, it would be my honour.”
With that, Promo gave a deep bow by bringing his point almost level with Stacey's chest.
Stacey considered this a moment. “Very well,” she said, after a long pause. “I suppose it could be useful, having a magic sword around. And besides,” she gestured to the empty scabbard at her belt, “I seem to be short a sword, as well.”
When the unlikely group of Captain Stacey, her men Otto and Terry, and her magic sword cum First Mate Promo, were in the boat, about ready to shove off, another rustling could be heard coming from the jungle. As they looked up, they heard a voice:
“Wait for me!”
A moment later, a large ginger tabby-cat came bounding out of the trees. It did not stop running until it reached the boat, whereupon it hopped aboard.
“Oh please, mistress,” said the cat. It's mouth moved comically as it spoke, much to the surprise of Stacey and her men. But, she reasoned, if there are talking swords in this world, then a talking cat isn't very far fetched.
“Let me come with you,” continued the cat. “My name is Spice, and I've been trying to get away from old Martha for the longest time. I'll be very good, I promise.”
Stacey looked at Promo, who gave the closest approximation to a shrug that a disembodied weapon could possibly give.
“Might as well,” he said. “Martha doesn't treat her animals too well, and I shudder to think what might come of old Spice, now that I'm not around to protect him.”
Stacey sighed. “Very well,” she said, “As long as you don't make a nuisance of yourself.”
***
Over the next several days, Stacey, her First Mate Promo, and Spice the cat, sailed the Seven Seas along with their motley crew. As Spice had predicted, they heard nothing from the old witch, Martha, who never really liked her cat anyway, and was in fact quite pleased to see him go. Spice did express, with some sadness for Stacey's part, his concern for how the witch would be treating Jack, the cock hat wearing bullfrog, and Stacey's former first mate.
It didn't take long, though, for it to become apparent to Stacey why Martha hadn't minded the loss of her cat. Spice was a nuisance. Aside from lamenting Jack's likely fate, he insisted on complaining about absolutely everything.
He complained that there wasn't enough to eat. When he caught a rat, he complained that it was tough and scrawny, and not succulent and juicy like the rats he used to catch back in the jungle. When he was ignored, he complained that he was not given enough attention. When Stacey would reach down from her favourite chair to stroke Spice, he would complain that she was smothering him.
Promo suggested on more than one occasion that they throw Spice overboard, or slaughter him, and on more than one occasion, Stacey was inclined to agree with him. However, she simply could not bring herself to get rid of the wonderful talking cat.
One evening, during a terrible storm, Otto was running around the deck, shouting orders on behalf of his captain, and supervising the reefing of sails and the battening down of hatches. In his haste to run to one of the men to explain to him how to do it properly, he accidentally kicked poor old Spice, who was cowering against the mast.
The cat went flying through the air, over the edge of the ship, and into the water. Realising immediately what he had done, he raced to the railing in time to see Spice treading water in the choppy sea. Lightning flashed in the distance, and Otto didn't know what to do.
He called for the captain, who arrived just in time to see a massive whale ascend from the deep and swallow Spice whole.
***
The captain had been livid that day, but overall she was pleased at how well they had weathered the storm. That evening, she had sat in her armchair, sipping a healthy glass of rum, enjoying the silence, and quietly saying goodbye to the cat who wouldn't stop complaining.
Published on March 26, 2015 07:28
March 24, 2015
Crossword Puzzle - February 2015 Answers
Phew! It's that time of the month again... and what a month it's been! It was my birthday last Friday, and my wife treated me to a wonderful weekend getaway, at a beautiful luxury tented camp just outside Pretoria. I didn't suspect a thing, and had an amazing weekend!
But enough about me, let's get on with the point of this post: the answers to the February 2015 crossword puzzle. How did you find it? Too difficult, or perhaps too easy? Well, if you've been waiting with bated breath for the answers, wait no more:
AnswersAcross3 Indian conference (6) powwow
9 backbone (5) spine
12 evil (6) unholy
13 having muscle definition (5) toned
14 The Isle of Death (6) Thanet
15 old (3) eld
16 almond (8) amygdale
17 god of strife (3) Tyr
19 capture (3) nab
22 he causes consternation (8) agitator
25 account (3) tab
26 she died for love of Pyramus (6) Thisbe
29 tobacco cylinder (5) cigar
32 Gretel's brother (6) Hansel
33 paradise in the desert (5) oasis
34 envelop (6) engirt Down1 upon (3) upo'
2 denoting an inhabitant (3) ene
3 throwing the shot (3) put
4 receptive for mating (6) on heat
5 a silly person (6) whally
6 panaceas (11) wonder drugs
7 old (3) ole
8 departing (6) wyting
9 crazy (4) stir
10 representing God in human form (11) incarnating
11 writing that pushes the boundaries (4) edgy
18 cut teeth (6) teethe
20 tennis player Andre (6) Agassi
21 regular drinker of wine (6) bibber
23 folded tortilla dish (4) taco
24 on either side of your head (4) ears
27 Solo (3) Han
28 Extract, Load, Transform (3) ELT
30 Ian (3) Ian
31 aim (3) aim
30 and 31 Down were just to see if you were paying attention: the question was the answer. Did you get those?
See you next week, for the March 2015 puzzle.
But enough about me, let's get on with the point of this post: the answers to the February 2015 crossword puzzle. How did you find it? Too difficult, or perhaps too easy? Well, if you've been waiting with bated breath for the answers, wait no more:

AnswersAcross3 Indian conference (6) powwow
9 backbone (5) spine
12 evil (6) unholy
13 having muscle definition (5) toned
14 The Isle of Death (6) Thanet
15 old (3) eld
16 almond (8) amygdale
17 god of strife (3) Tyr
19 capture (3) nab
22 he causes consternation (8) agitator
25 account (3) tab
26 she died for love of Pyramus (6) Thisbe
29 tobacco cylinder (5) cigar
32 Gretel's brother (6) Hansel
33 paradise in the desert (5) oasis
34 envelop (6) engirt Down1 upon (3) upo'
2 denoting an inhabitant (3) ene
3 throwing the shot (3) put
4 receptive for mating (6) on heat
5 a silly person (6) whally
6 panaceas (11) wonder drugs
7 old (3) ole
8 departing (6) wyting
9 crazy (4) stir
10 representing God in human form (11) incarnating
11 writing that pushes the boundaries (4) edgy
18 cut teeth (6) teethe
20 tennis player Andre (6) Agassi
21 regular drinker of wine (6) bibber
23 folded tortilla dish (4) taco
24 on either side of your head (4) ears
27 Solo (3) Han
28 Extract, Load, Transform (3) ELT
30 Ian (3) Ian
31 aim (3) aim
30 and 31 Down were just to see if you were paying attention: the question was the answer. Did you get those?
See you next week, for the March 2015 puzzle.
Published on March 24, 2015 07:00