Liz Everly's Blog, page 97

The Many Faces of Soul Mates

Be my soul mate – for now

By Elizabeth Shore

So here we are with another Valentine’s Day having come and gone. The flowers may be looking a little wilted. Some of us ae still in recovery after having suffered through 50 Shades of Grey. The heart-shaped chocolate box is shamefully devoid of candy. But hey, for those in a romantic relationship at least the weekend was spent in the company of our soul mates, right? As it turns out, that’s so, even if you were just with your friends.

I’ve always thought, as many likely do, that the term “soul mate” refers to the person in your life who’s a unique combination of friend, confidante, and lover. Your ultimate romantic partner. If you subscribe to the notion of a soul mate, the definition above is one many take to heart. Your soul mate IS your heart. Your forever romantic partner. But spiritual teacher and soul guru Sara Wiseman says au contraire! Soul mates, she maintains, aren’t necessarily a romantic partner at all.

In an article Wiseman wrote entitled “Soul Mates – Beyond Romance,” she contends that the sole (ha!) purpose of soul matings are actually karmic crossings which exist to help you with your soul growth. Ooooh. Suddenly I’m feeling waaaay new age-y. Is that incense I smell? Who put on that Enya CD? But if you can manage to bust your way through the crystals and cosmos and channel your energy toward enlightenment, Wiseman does make some interesting points.

Her primary contention is that none of us have just one soul mate in life. In fact, she declares, everyone’s a soul mate on one level or another. The purpose of soul mates is to teach each other lessons to aid in spiritual growth. Primary soul mates are often linked romantically, but not always. Even when they are, it’s not necessarily for life. We shouldn’t feel as if we were mistaken in thinking we’d met our soul mates if the relationship ends. “Soul mates separate,” Wiseman writes, “when they have learned the lessons they were destined to learn together. Once you’ve completed the soul lessons you’ve been put together to learn, then the relationship is also complete. You’re ready to move forward and learn new lessons, with another partner.”

I came across an article in PsychologyToday.com stating that the “soul mate myth” is actually harmful. Professor Brad

Music, movies, and books about soul mates abound

Wilcox of the University of Virginia conducted a study and found that 60% of men and women in the U.S. believe in the notion of a single romantic soul mate, yet the rate of divorce among such fervent believers is 150% greater than those of romantic skeptics. Interesting …

It’s easy to get caught up in thinking you’ve met “the one” while the relationship is in the honeymoon stage. Everything seems so perfect, the compatability is off the charts, and there’s no way no how anyone’s going to convince you that this man of your dreams isn’t also the man of your soul. Romance novels perpetuate this thinking since the hero and heroine always end up happily ever after, even in a menage. Then all three are blissfully happy, but blissfully happy within their unit. The idea of temporary couplehood, even if “temporary” means years and years, just doesn’t fly in today’s society. Once we’ve met our soul mates, romance blossoms and we’re happily ever after with that person and that person only, forever amen.

Here’s a problem, though. Many people who believe in the concept of a single soul mate – your “romantic destiny,” if you will, tend to think of their soul mates as perfection personified. Yet problems occur in every relationship, and the single soul mate seeker, according to a 1998 study by C.R. Knee, will grow disillusioned because the relationship isn’t quite as perfect as they expected and will tend to move on.

Just as there are different ways in which we love, I think there are different soul mates to receive and give that love. The idea of having multiple soul mates seems to me an awfully nice way to truly spread the love. Hey, can somebody pass me the peace pipe?

Tell us what you think. One soul mate per customer, or many for us all? Please share your comments below. In the meantime be sure to follow us at Lady Smut. And if you already are, bless your soul.

 

Risk It

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!

How are those New Year’s resolutions coming along in the middle of the Great Grey Beast of February? Change is hard (there’s science to prove it, it’s called the Ellsberg Paradox). It’s about now that people start to relinquish their hopes and fade into disappointment, so I’m going to channel Auntie Mame to be a cheerleader for you!

[pours martini just to be authentic]

Are you sticking with the way things are just because it’s familiar? You’ve got to live live live! You can handle it. You’re stronger than you think. Even making one significant change will improve your life. You know what’s not working. Value yourself enough to change it. You will be happy that you stuck with it.

Embrace change! You need fresh air to go on living, don’t you? Make it fresh by plunging into new things. Stop thinking of change as scary and instead consider it an adventure. Choose change and bring your child-like enthusiasm to the pursuit. Be truly alive.

Don’t aim low and don’t settle for less than you can get. I know, you worry what if I don’t get what I aim for? The truth is pursuing a goal — whether you reach it or not — will make you happier. Expecting something of yourself improves your morale. And achievement? You get to pat yourself on the back, say well done, and aim for the next higher rung.

Don’t listen to naysayers! People are fearful of change and they will resent you changing (yes, even the ones who love you). Be kind to them, but be an example to them. It’s easy and lazy to carp and criticise. Let it all roll off your back. If you feel the need to respond at all (and why should you? A withering look usually takes care of those folk) just tell them, “This makes me happy” and then ask, “What would make you happy?”

Why settle for a life that’s anything less than extraordinary? Life is a banquet; don’t settle for a nibble. Take a big bite!

If you need an inspiring movie, watch Auntie Mame or Holiday.

What is Love? Popular Romance in the Academic World

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

Last week, The Center for Books at the Library of Congress played host to the debut of Love Between the Covers documentary film about romance novels and the people who write and read them at the What is Love? Romance Fiction in the Digital World conference sponsored by the Popular Romance Project. How apropos to schedule it during the week of Valentine’s Day when romance and love is front of everyone’s mind. Regrettably, I did not attend the conference but, as is my wont, I haunted the live tweet stream from the conference, which was chock full of fascinating tidbits about romance publishing.

Photo thanks to Dana (@goodredherring) via Twitter.

While the conference kicked off with the debut showing of the documentary, it was followed by three, in-depth panel discussions. “What Belongs in the Romance Canon?” discussed what titles are considered “canon” in the Romance genre and why, with a fascinating discussion about the role, or more accurately, the lack thereof, of romances about people of color in that “approved” canon. “What Do the Science of History and Love Reveal?” took a scientific approach to the romance genre through a look at what historical archetypes have been and how that’s changed through the centuries. Yes, centuries. Finally, “Community and the Romance Genre” looked at the unique communities of women that have sprung up around romance novels and the influence those communities have on individual lives and the business of publishing, particularly digital. This panel included an in-depth discussion on self-publishing successes and their focus on the reader above all.

As a tertiary observer of the conference in absentia, I accumulated and culled through the tweet stream to create a Storify document of the great quotes, laughs, insights, and surprises reported first-hand by the attendees. It’s a fascinating amalgamation of information.

Several attendees have written about their first-hand experiences at the “What Is Love?” conference. Over at Kirkus Reviews, Bobbi Dumas gives a detailed breakdown of her experience in Romance Rocks the Library of Congress including an overview of some of the romance luminaries who sat on the panels and their unique perspectives on Romance.

Scholar Anne N. Bornschein gives a specific examination of one of the assertions made in the “What Do the Science of History and Love Reveal?” session (that, contrary to popular belief, modern romance novels do not represent archetypal models of love) in her post Thoughts on Medieval Literature and Popular Romance. Feel my medieval history jones go pitty pat.

Author Margaret Locke also gives a first-person account of her experience at the conference in her post One Romance Writer’s Adventures at the Library of Congress’ Popular Romance Project Conference. Finally, Eric Selinger, Professor at DePaul University and Executive Editor of the on-line Journal of Popular Romance Studies, has shared his opening remarks from the “What Belongs in the Romance Canon?” panel and a few high points of that discussion in this post on Teach Me Tonight.

Naturally, since this is a spotlight on the scholarly study of romance novels that doesn’t patronize or mock the genre, the Washington Post took care of that in their review. I won’t link to here because I don’t want to support such jaundiced, insulting coverage, which is, unfortunately, expected these days. Instead, check out this article in the Boston Globe “Watertown filmmaker spreads word about romance novels” about the documentary “Love Between the Covers” for some background about how the film originated and where in might be seen in the near future.

Scholarly examination of romantic popular fiction is key to repositioning the romance genre in the public and scholarly mindset. Conferences like “What is Love? Romance Fiction in the Digital World” are the vanguard, deposing stereotypes and reframing the genre for the modern world while giving those of us already in the know deep, intelligent, down-right juicy information for our brains to chew on.

Follow Lady Smut. We’ll give you lots of juicy stuff to chew on.

F*cking Outside the Lines: Erotic Romance’s Squicks and Surprises

You going to say no to a title like that? Click and try it.

By Alexa Day

I told someone not long ago that I was willing to read anything, as long as it was well written. It didn’t take long for me to realize that wasn’t altogether true. It turns out that I do have hard limits. Hang ups. Turn-offs. Squicks. I just don’t push those particular boundaries very often, and it turns out that having an untested boundary is much like not having a boundary at all.

Take dino porn. We have discussed dino porn before. You can look for it on Amazon if you want, but be warned that Amazon will then believe that you are interested in it and suggest future purchases accordingly. Dino porn, like Bigfoot porn, is one of those things that lies outside my boundaries. No matter how well dino porn is written, I’m probably not going to read it. I get that at its best, it’s supposed to be kind of an ironic, almost snarky take on the world of erotica and erotic romance. I understand that it’s pushing the envelope. It’s possible that I’m taking the whole thing too seriously. It just seems to me that it’s sex with the non-sentient species, and I don’t get the appeal of it. It’s certainly working for someone out there, but I’m okay leaving it alone.

I have the same trouble with the innocent heroine. I don’t want to put her in the same boat as dino porn, but I’m at my happiest when everyone in the story knows exactly what they’re getting into. I find that the line between innocent and dim gets blurry fast. And I’ll admit to harboring a little resentment toward our innocent friend. I’m put off by the idea that she basically stumbles into bliss without the experience gathered through trial and error and years of romantic mistakes. No matter how well written the innocent heroine is — and some great authors have worked with her — I will still want to shake her long before we’re finished.

Then we have a growing population of stories based on fetishized body functions. Lactation rises immediately to mind. I don’t have a problem with the many wondrous things the female body is designed to do. I really don’t. I just don’t find any of them arousing enough to support erotica.

But there’s pleasure to be found in reading out of bounds.

Try this one for free, if you dare.

I have read some “zombierotica”: Undone by the Undead by Isabelle Drake and Hung Like a Dead Man by Sherri L. King. That, I enjoyed. At first blush, it would seem that zombierotica would violate my non-sentient species rule, right? But these zombies aren’t like the walkers from The Walking Dead, the infected from 28 Days Later, or the hordes from Night of the Living Dead, all of whom would trigger my aversion to non-sentient species and bodily functions. Drake and King are really writing about undead characters. Definitely not alive, at least in the traditional sense. But definitely sentient, and capable of communicating their desires to less undead partners. In short, zombies are the new vampires.

And on top of all that, it’s well written. I don’t mind breaking down barriers for that.

It’s not easy for erotic romance fans to admit hard limits; the genre itself is built on a measure of free thinking and open-mindedness. I think erotic romance writers in particular suppress the urge to recoil from the kinks that make them cross their legs.

But I know I’m not the only one with squicks. Fess up in the comments, if you dare.

And follow Lady Smut if you want to go there.

Sexy Saturday Round-Up

By Liz Everly and the Lady Smut Bloggers

Hello, Sexy! Happy Valentine’s Day! We are off and running on with another round-up of blog posts hand curated by the Lady Smut Bloggers.  Where else can you get information on old people sex, Fifty Shades of Grey, and on how getting laid makes you smarter—all in one place? Hmmm?

By Liz:

Cindy Crawford does a  magazine photo shoot and it will be published without touch-ups.  

Romantic Valentines that are actually not romantic. 

Why readers love series romances. 

By Madeline:

The downside of being drop dead gorgeous.

Old people sex makes us skittish–here’s why, sorta.

Try this dating pool: hot dudes reading.

Why it’s good to be ‘touchy’.

By Elizabeth:

It’s heeeere! The Fifty Shades of Grey movie opens tonight. To help kick things off, let’s talk about period sex.

On a hunt for the Great American Perfume.

Not that you needed an excuse, but now you have one – getting laid makes you smarter.

It’s official – monogamy is natural for humans. But, um, so is polygamy.

Saturday Night Live celebrates its 40th season this weekend with a huge special, so it seems an opportune time to review Rolling Stone’s ranking of all 141 cast members.

By C. Margery Kempe

Jonathan Franzen is still a dick

The Crimson Peak trailer is out (hence the massive swoon across social media)

Oh Joy Sex Toy thinks you should calm down on the 50 Shades hate

The Truth About Valentines…

The lyf so short, the craft so long to lerne…

You know the drill: hearts, flowers, chocolates.  Great if you’re in a relationship, but often not so great if you’re not.  Many a lonely soul on Valentine’s Day wonders: How did all this insanity get started?

Well, you can blame the Middle Ages for a lot of it. Sure, St. Valentine himself was a third century Roman martyr, clubbed to death and then beheaded (not a propitious start for the holiday, eh?).  The holiday itself, however, got going when Geoffrey Chaucer set his poem The Parliament of Fowls on that day.

The dreaming narrator, who’s fallen asleep reading Scipio’s book on dreaming (!), finds Scipio leading him through Venus’ temple.  On the walls are the stories of suffering lovers and the acolytes of the goddess gather near.  The dreamer, who claims to be ignorant of the ways of love apart from what he’s read, observes closely the birds who are gathered there before the noble goddess Nature herself:

For this was on seynt Valentynes day,

Whan every foul cometh ther to chese his make (“mate”)

The birds are all arrayed by rank, each with its kind whether sparrow or duck or robin. They have to take turns, starting at the top. At the center of the gathering are three eagles vying for the hand of the most lovely eagle perched on Nature’s own hand.  Each of the three tries to prove he is the most worthy.  They speak as if they were courtly lovers, another medieval tradition.

“Courtly Love” is where we get a lot of the exaggerated traditions of this holiday. A satirical work by Andreas Capellanus in the twelfth century, nonetheless proved popular in romances (originally a word that meant “adventures”).  The Art of Courtly Love offers the following rules for lovers, some of which highlight the exaggerated nature of this trend for romance among the wealthy and mostly idle rich:

1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.

2. He who is not jealous cannot love.

3. No one can be bound by a double love.

4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.

5. That which a lover takes against his will of his beloved has no relish.

6. Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity.

7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.

8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.

9. No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.

10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.

11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one should be ashamed to seek to marry.

12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.

13. When made public love rarely endures.

14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.

15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.

16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.

17. A new love puts to flight an old one.

18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.

19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.

20. A man in love is always apprehensive.

21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.

22. Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.

23. He whom the thought of love vexes, eats and sleeps very little.

24. Every act of a lover ends with in the thought of his beloved.

25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.

26. Love can deny nothing to love.

27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.

28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.

29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.

30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.

31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

How many would you agree to? How many seem neurotic? How many remain staples of romantic writing?

Oh, and what happened with the three eagles?  They all take so long trying to prove their worth that the other birds get impatient. When Nature asks them to choose the best, even they can’t agree. Finally, she asks the female eagle to make her choice, but the blushing maiden asks for another year to make up her mind.  Nature agrees and the rest of the birds choose their mates in a noisy confusion and the dreamer wakes up, determined to read more about love.

Sometimes that’s easier than braving the wild waters of the real thing!

[This is my last Friday: after this I’ll be sharing Tuesdays with Liz Everly]

50 Shades of Red

This is our publisher’s cheeky poke at 50 Shades promoting their online romance festival last weekend.

by Madeline Iva

“Just finished Fifty Shades of Grey and am now Fifty Shades of Red.” That’s what my sister posted on fb.

Are you all going to watch the movie? I just don’t know.  I’ll read and watch anything I want in the privacy of my own home–but watch the movie in a theatre with people all around me? Eeeesh!

I’ve already sat through many an awkward moment watching unexpectedly graphic sex scenes at the movies, thank you very much.  That time on my first date in high school when neither of us knew where to look.  That time with my then-friend-now-husband during an excruciatingly long sex scene where the actor’s face went red and stayed that way for five minutes while he writhed, grunted and groaned. Oh, it was bad.  I mean, it had to be longest orgasm in oscar history.

The worst part was when I tried to laugh it off afterwards at dinner, but apparently my own face went as red as a beet, totally foiling my attempt at sangfroid.  Neither of us were laughing though, sitting on either side of my prim mother-in-law while watching the lesbian sex scene in Black Swan.  I still slap my hand to my face remembering it.  Of course it was my bright idea to go see it on Christmas day. I’d heard a review describing the film as Hitchcock-ian. Right.  It was only as we got close to the movie theatre that I saw a giant poster for the movie proclaiming in bold letters PSYCHO-SEXUAL THRILLER.  Ugh. (hitting myself) ugh. ugh.

If you’ve been living on Jupiter and haven’t read the book, you may wonder what all the fuss is about. Aside from the hype, at its core the plot has an icy/hot hero who’s been deeply emotionally and physically hurt.  He needs healing (and the love of a good woman to bring that about.)  Yum!

It’s total catnip to a lot of readers. Meanwhile, it’s also (surprise!) an anti-BDSM book.  This drives my erotic romance writer friends up the wall.  Yet the heroine is constantly negotiating for what she wants out of her relationship with Christian.  Good for her, right? Okay, well, she ends up compromising a whole lot, but in the end she sticks to her guns–and she wins.

But riddle me this Batman — How the hell did E.L. James get away with depicting a sexual encounter while the heroine is on her period?

!!!!!!

People–Aunt Flo never ever comes to visit in romances.  The hero never massages bad cramps.  The heroine never sends him out for Advil, tampons, and Ben & Jerry’s.  No period-related migraines ever drove a heroine to lie upon her couch with a pillow over her eyes.  It just doesn’t happen.  

Yeah–if you were around in the early 80’s I think Erica Jong had some young guy pull a tampon out of her protagonist’s body and chomp on it a bit.  But I mean, common — first of all that’s not romance, and second of all, we know she did it purely for the shock value.  If there’s ever been a romance published that was this popular that treated the crimson tide this casually–I haven’t heard about it.

Page 427:

“I want you,” he breathes.

I moan and reach up and grasp his arms.

“Are you bleeding?” He continues to kiss me.

Holy f***.  Does nothing slip by him?

“Yes,” I whisper, embarrassed.

“Do you have cramps?”

“No,” I flush. Jeez…

blah, blah, blah…

“Let’s go have a bath.”

Oh?

I mean, then we really go beyond the beyond when a bit later on he turns her around against the sink, bends her over, pulls out her tampon, (!!!) and has sex with her.

They collapse on the floor afterwards and…

“I’m bleeding,” I murmur.

“Doesn’t bother me,” he breathes.

“I noticed.” I can’t keep the dryness out of my voice.

He tenses.  “Does it bother you?” he asks softly.

blah blah blah

“No, not at all.” 

“Good. Let’s have a bath.” 

I don’t want to make a big deal of this.  I’m not saying that we romance writers should ALL include this kind of a scene in our romances, etc.  I’m just saying that OUR BODIES OURSELVES would give a thumbs up to how they treat a natural bodily function.  That is all.

But it’s interesting to note that no reader-lovers or reader-haters have pointed out this scene in shock and horror.

Which just goes to show that we’re living in the wild west here.  Along comes an indie author with her spurs a-jangling and rules were made to be broken, sacred cows put on the bbq.  Who knows what the romance gods have to say about all this. One thing you can count on–if something shocking happens out there we’ll keep you posted here at LadySmut.com.  Follow us for 7 days of delectable romance dish.

Laters.

50 Shades of Valentine’s Day Grinch

By Elizabeth Shore

Just as soon as the new year’s eve glittery party hats are cleared off store shelves, out comes annual merchandise that –  for me – brings on feelings of both annoyance, boredom, and a soupçon of depression thrown in for good measure. Oh man, here we go again. Happy damn Valentine’s Day, everyone.

My potpourri of emotions directed at February 14th is clearly not what consumer manufacturers are hoping for, and luckily for them the majority of Americans don’t share my sentiment. The National Retail Federation is projecting a whopping $18.9 billion will be spent on Valentine’s Day this year, ranging from cards, candy, flowers, jewelry, a night out, and gift cards. What’s not to love about spreading that kinda love? One would think, as a romance writer, that Valentine’s Day would be right up there with tear-jerker movies as one of the top things to make my heart go pitter patter. Yet for all the assertions of love and devotion that’ll undoubtedly be expressed this coming Saturday, Valentine’s Day mostly leaves me feeling kinda cold. But why? I ask myself. Why?

Delving deep into my own grinchy psyche directed toward Valentine’s Day, I think my disdain stems primarily from how forced the whole thing feels. All those folks in any sort of committed relationship have to DECLARE THEIR LOVE on February 14th. Send flowers! Buy chocolate! Get engaged! Isn’t it romantic? But see, the thing is, it’s not all that romantic when the romance seems required. Obligatory. Something you have to do because greeting card companies, chocolate makers, and public pressure decide that you must.

I remember one Valentine’s Day, years ago, when my dh and I were a fairly new item. We decided, because it was the thing to do and we knew no better, that we’d go to dinner that Feb 14. Reservations were hard to come by since we hadn’t planned ahead, but at last we secured something and off to dinner we went. It was terrible. To accommodate all the couples wanting to DECLARE THEIR LOVE that Valentine’s Day, the restaurant had jammed in extra tables so we were all in each other’s laps as we did the Valentine dine. Waiters rushed around like headless chickens, and the massive crowds afforded us as much privacy as a New York City subway car. We vowed never to do it again.

When I think about events in my life that have been truly and utterly romantic in the purest sense of the word, what come to mind are small, spontaneous, seemingly innocuous incidents that have occurred for no other purpose than for the giver to show his love. An unexpected ride home from the train station when it’s pouring rain. Renting a funny movie when I had my wisdom teeth pulled to help me forget the pain. Coming home from a stressful day to find dinner ready and waiting. Being kind and supportive and understanding in times of crisis and pain. This to me is romance at its finest: an unexpected and heartfelt expression of love.

The one positive outcome of Valentine’s Day is that it serves as a reminder that it’s good to do those things. It’s good to remember those who are meaningful in our lives and to honestly and openly tell them so. It’s also good to do that more than once a year. So let me break away from my grinchy growls and remember to express thanks to all you wonderful readers who stop by our blog, write comments, and keep us Lady Smutters inspired throughout the year. To all of you I say: Happy Valentine’s Day. :-)

 

 

 

Fifty Shades of F–king Success

By Liz Everly

A word from Liz: This is a repost from a few weeks back with a few changes here and there. Since we are dedicating the week to FSOG, I decided to run it again. And this time next week C. Margery Kempe will be here in this spot. We’ll be sharing Tuesdays. Fridays will be guest posts, interviews, and new voices for you. It’s always good to spread your wings a bit, dontchya know. 

Madeline Iva and I were JUST talking about Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie. I wondered out loud about my small-town Southern community. We happen to have a wonderful movie theater—new, comfy, and huge. Folks travel from nearby towns just to come to this theater. I wondered if they would dare to run the movie. When I got home that night, I had a message in my Facebook personal messages folder from a group of middle-aged moms in my town. The theater is going to run the movie one night—and one night only—and do I want to go?

Do I want to go?

Hell yes.

If for no other reason, then just to satisfy my curiosity. How is this movie going to play out? It should be fascinating.

For the record, I’m not a big FSOG fan. I read it, thought it was interesting, but not written well. I didn’t like the female lead at all. And while I did didn’t “like” Grey, I found his story compelling. Frankly, it’s what kept me reading. I do appreciate what the book has done for erotic romance fiction. And I am a complete champion for any writer who manages to do so well. I read the other books in the series and the writing does get a bit better with each book. But I don’t think she will ever write as well as Sylvia Day. Just my opinion.

Given all of the astounding success of the book series, can this movie fail?

I wonder.

I think that it will definitely be a financial success. If for no other reason than people want to see what all the fuss is about. People are curious about it. But I wonder if it will succeed in other ways. Could the movie, perhaps, be done better than the books?

It’s possible that the movie could get at the heart of the story better than the book did, without the clunkiness of that prose. I really don’t know the actors’ or director’s work, so I have no expectations there. So yes, I suppose the POSSIBILITY of the movie being very good. It might play well over film.

The trailer offers me very little hope, though.  I mean, it just seems very so-so and meh. I am left shrugging my shoulders.

Right now, I think the most interesting thing about this movie is my little town and the reaction to it. We get to see it one night. And one night only. You have to buy the tickets in advance. I’m also wondering if this kind of marketing of the movie will be the way many small towns deal are handling it.  And that FB group conversation I was added to? Many people “left” it in droves…Which ignites my curiosity even further. I’ll be looking for those folks at the theater that night. Wink.

What do you think? Are you going to watch the movie? Do think it will succeed? Fail? Lady Smut wants to know. While you’re at it, subscribe to our blog so that you don’t miss anything from our crew.

I’m not a BDSM writer, but one of my books CRAVINGS has a light take on BDSM, with an ex-paid Dominatrix and a sweet, sexy, but straight-laced Indian man, coming to sexual (and other) terms with one another. It’s set in Ecuador and St. Lucia. Check it out.

50 Shades of Love on Valentine’s Day

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

It’s Valentine’s Day on Saturday which tends to bring out the anti-Valentine’s Day posts or pro-Valentine’s Day posts, whichever is your poison. As a romance writer, and romance novel reader and vehement supporter, you’d think Valentine’s Day would be my Nirvana. Honestly, it barely registers on my radar and that’s okay. I’m not particularly jazzed about Arbor Day either, although I do celebrate Ice Cream Day and Vodka Day religiously. Often together.

Last week, several of my romance writer friends had a Twitter convo (but of course) about Valentine’s Day and how they didn’t need a specified day of the year to tell their loved ones that they love them.

Here’s the thing: many other people do.

Sure, the majority of us don’t *need* a day to tell our loved ones we love them. We don’t *need* a day to show our mothers and fathers we love them either, but we have one for each. None object to those Hallmark Holidays because, on a whole, we agree that parents deserve a day on which to be recognized, mostly because they go much of the year without so much as a thank you. Likewise, for some, Valentine’s Day may be everything, perhaps their one sure chance to be reminded that they’re worthy of love (as is everyone).

Gandy takes off. Hey, it’s *red* plaid! Applicable!

Whether a person is worthy of love has nothing to do with the trophy of a gift or the check mark of having a lover with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day. No one is less worthy for not being Kay Jeweler’s target audience. We’re marked but how we love whomever and whatever we love on every day. But if for some it takes one specific date to be reminded to show it, well then, thank God for February 14th.

One Valentine’s Day found me at 10 PM in lower Manhattan in a windy, torrential downpour trying (and failing) to hail a cab after working a full day and taking a 3-hour class at night for my Masters degree. That night, I pretty much hated Valentine’s Day because those wankers celebrating it had basically commandeered all the damn cabs. I felt anything *but* sexy and romantic though I probably would’ve professed undying love to any cabbie who took my fare. What won my heart that night was a hot shower and a smoking cup of hopped up hot chocolate. Years earlier, I spent a very different Valentine’s Day at a play in a red-hot flapper dress and black heels with the gift of a red rose on my wrist. I came home to a single peach rose delivered while I was out by a particularly charming man. Both are great memories for very different reasons. Both were, at the time, exactly the love I needed.

50 Shades of Gandy

There is no one way to be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. There are, dare I say, more than 50 shades to how we show love.

Follow Lady Smut. We’ll love you long time.

Postscript: I stumbled upon this yesterday (man, I love The Twitter) and it’s just 50 Shades of Perfection. Enjoy.