Liz Everly's Blog, page 43

Wicked Winter Wonderland: Kristen Ashley’s MIDNIGHT SOUL

by Madeline Iva

Kristen Ashley’s Fantasyland series has come to an end. Since I prefer my heroines with a little streak of edgy kick-ass, I was beyond thrilled see that Franka Drakkar, b*tch-cousin of leader Frey, is the heroine of MIDNIGHT SOUL, the fifth book in Kristen Ahsley’s Fantasyland series.

Frey gets together with Finnie in the first book WILDEST DREAMS.  I loved this book.  It’s set in a winter wonderland, with a hot, alpha, warrior dude named Frey–see Jason Momoa–and a heroine named Finnie who is as cute as a basket full of kittens.  From the git go, Franka was pretty much the wicked villainess of the peice. Someone you loved to hate.  But what do we love more than a character we love to hate? Watching that same character be redeemed by love of course!

Yes Franka is back! She may be on everyone’s sh** list, but she helped to save their asses and save their world–so there.

However, she lost her lover in the fight. He is gone, but he’s definitely not forgotten by Franka–while at the same time her big, sad, wary eyes attract the notice of Noc–the latest in Kristen Ashley tall, dark, Alpha.

Someone suggested David Gandy in the role–why thank you, don’t mind if I do!

Um. *Yeah.*

[If you haven’t read the series–the premise is awesome! There is a parallel world to ours, and we all have a twin in this other world.  Sometimes individuals from our world trade places with the twin of that world.  Also, sometimes the doppleganger is evil. Cue the sound of thunder and horses screaming.]

That Kristen Ashley picked a bad girl for her heroine had me all like:

Okay, but first I have to say it’s REALLY unusual for a Kristen Ashley heroine to be, you know, kinda wicked. The Rock Chick girls definitely have some serious mojo, but every Ashley heroine is like a really good chocolate Easter bunny.  Never bitter and never hollow.

Some readers might saying, “But you’ve seen things she’s done. How are we supposed to like her? How? How? How?” Good question. How do you make people like a wicked character?

A) You have a character we like fall in love with her.  Enter Noc, stage right.

B) You torture your bad girl character.  That’s how.

And indeed as we open our story, everyone is hating on Franka and she’s giving back as good as she gets, until she’s offered a mountain of wealth as payment for helping, you know, save the world.  The caveat is that after she takes the loot, she’s supposed to scram.  They want her gone, outta town, and like right now.  There’s a moment where the new guy thinks she’s won’t take all the furs, jewels, diamonds, and gold coin.  After all, she helped to save the world and sacrificed her lover in doing so.  Surely she has strictly honorable intentions just like the rest and will turn it down?

Ha! Ashley lets us inside her heroine’s head and we find out that people really know nothing about her.  She has her own  hidden agenda. She’s gonna take the loot.  But Noc’s reaction really gets to her.  Why at this point in her life, is anyone trying to think she’s a nice woman? She’s been fighting and clawing away for survival since she was tiny, which makes it very difficult for her to face two sets of eyes–the condemnation in everyone else’s eyes and the hope in his.

There’s a common trope in romance of women liking bad men.  Cause they’re not really bad, you know, they’re just misunderstood.  Mmmhmmm.  Kristen Ashley has flipped the trope and flipped it good.  I like the bad woman whom the guy is all like, People, you don’t get it.  You don’t really see her.  Only *I* really see her. And when you’re used to having all your motives and actions twisted and judged it’s a very powerful thing to have someone see you the opposite way.  It can hurt more than being hated.

I highly related to Franka when she experiences the wretched moment where she just KNOWS that not only does everyone hate her, but they want her gone and gone now.

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Not fun, not fun at all.

And when thanks to events, people finally do begin to understand her and are like Ooooh, poor Franka, it doesn’t matter to her.  She’s still just as badass as she always was.  Which I really liked.

When Franka faces down her personal enemy and even though everyone (probably feeling really guilty by this time) rushes in to help and support her, she’s like – people, I got this. Her hurts may be exposed, but she is still powerful. She’s not gonna turn into a runny pile of soggy because at last people understand.

SO GOOD IT HURTS.  Other complications ensue.  Because this is a Kristen Ashley story there’s tons more of the book—I won’t spoil it for you. Not only does Ashley flip things around for once by having the girl be from Lunwyn and the guy be from our world, but Franka also comes to our world instead of the reverse.

About one third of my joy in the first book of the series is being in the snowy, snowy Lunwyn–

with winter palaces, sleds, warm wraps, luxurious clothes, crackling fires, and a general overall sumptuousness. In this book we do the opposite. We get a vice-cop, pizza, tacos & reality TV. (Can I go back to Lunwyn now?)

It’s a great encore to a great series.  In letting her wicked aristo Franka and even poor Circe have a happy ending, Kristen Ashley is showing her own relentless need for an HEA. Cause Everybody deserves a happy ending! I was so happy that Circe finds Dax–a hunka hunka burning love. I’ll leave you with that.

If you love Kristen Ashley the way we love Kristen Ashley but by some misfortune of fate you didn’t get this book, then my friends, you are in luck.

Oh look! ****A Giveaway****

But wait!!! What if you haven’t read WILDEST DREAMS–the first book in the series? Not to worry, my friend.  I’ll toss it in with the other two books if you haven’t started this marvelous series.

Follow us at Lady Smut where we do our very best to explore the side of you that wants to be bad.

Madeline Iva writes fantasy and paranormal romance.  Her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, featuring a magic geek heroine, is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and through iTunes.  Sign up Madeline Iva news & give aways.  

Vag Tattoos and Other Wickedly Cool Things

By Elizabeth Shore

As you know from earlier posts this week, we Lady Smutters are bonding together like a coven of witches to spellbind you with the fabulous release of our own Madeline Iva’s high fantasy sexy romance, Wicked Apprentice. Her story includes elves and magic and hot men, oh my! One of the themes is also wickedness, and who doesn’t like thinking about that? Evil = cool, right? (I’m talking to you, Hannibal Lechter). We see that trope repeated all the time. The evil guy is the cool guy. And since Ray Bradbury taught us that Something Wicked This Way Comes, what better way to celebrate Madeline’s release than by having cool wicked stuff come to you, our deliciously wicked Lady Smut readers. So to begin…

Wine condoms. Yay! You know how it is when you crack open a bottle of wine, have a glass or two, but then decide to save the rest for later. Except “later” in the wine world can mean the difference between a one-time delicious beverage and something akin to drain-o. Wine stoppers can be useful, but how inconvenient that they stick up an inch or two above the bottle, causing refrigerator storage problems for those with small spaces. Well, no more. Not with a wine condom. Simply rip open the foil (and we all know how to do that right?

How to be Wicked: A Lesson in Three Parts

Anyone want to guess what Lesson One is?

The Wicked Theme Week continues as we celebrate release day for Madeline Iva’s Wicked Apprentice! Did you already preorder yours? Is it time for you to order right now, before you read another word? Go handle your business.

By Alexa Day

I often feel like the representative for the wicked lifestyle in my circle of friends and colleagues. It’s a great job, but it’s not without its challenges.

I do think people want to be wicked. They’re a little timid about it, which is kind of cute. I think they wish they could engage in recreational wickedness with a close circle of carefully chosen associates, all the while avoiding guilt and other unpleasant side effects.

But I don’t think people know how to ask about becoming wicked. Instead, they’re over on the sidelines, watching all the wonderful, wicked fun.

Well, I’m here to serve you. Let’s begin with a word about what wickedness is.

Wickedness is fun. It’s flirty. It’s mischievous. It’s kind of edgy. Unpredictable. It’s sexy, but sex itself is not required. I think of it as a hard-core whimsy.

Doesn’t that sound lovely? Let’s go there together with a hypothetical.

Let’s say that I’m enjoying this prelude to the holidays with a bottle of wine and two very good friends, Mark and Jason. You’d recognize Mark and Jason if you saw them. I mentioned them briefly in an old post.

So the three of us, Mark, Jason and I, are coming to the end of a bottle of wine, and Mark says he has a new car. Nice, luxuriant Jaguar F Coupe. It’s black, he says, and it has a surprisingly large trunk. Large enough that a person with an abduction fantasy could be swept away in it and driven to an alternate location for fun and games.

How does that sound?

Well, here’s how the wicked would approach such an invitation.

1. Stop caring about what Other People think. This is hard. A lot of people have spent a lifetime caring about Other People’s thoughts, and to some extent, participation in society demands that. This summer, I had a devil of a time evaluating my performance on a job interview because I’d gotten so used to not caring about Other People’s thoughts and feelings. I’m not asking you to abandon Other People altogether. I’m asking you to put them into perspective.

We can safely presume that Other People are going to get all pinched up about you volunteering to be manhandled into the trunk of the Jaguar, even it is by two hot, sexy male friends who know that’s what you want. It isn’t Other People’s business, to be sure. But here they are anyway. Are you sure that’s safe? Are you sure it’s what you want? Is it sending the Right Message?

If that doesn’t seem to be working, they will invoke still more Other People. I will never forget that on my last trip to Vegas, a friend of mine vetoed a return trip to see the Chippendales because “Certain People might think one is obsessed.” Unless Certain People can offer me some reason that a real lifeform is being harmed by my watching the Chippendales as often as I want, I don’t have half a f*ck to spare for their opinions. I don’t. I have so few f*cks to give. I can’t offer them to strangers at this point in my life.

Here’s the bottom line. If you want to be wicked, begin by distancing yourself from Other People who are not affected in any way by your wicked behavior. Let them get pinched up. Not your problem.

The only question that matters is this one: Is that what I want?

2. Cultivate the Right Relationships. It’s possible to be wicked by yourself, but it isn’t easy, and it’s not nearly as much fun. You’ll want to be with someone who will appreciate, facilitate, and expand your wickedness. How do you find those people, while avoiding Other People?

It’s not hard, once you stop caring so much about Other People. You can throw something like robot sex or abduction fantasy out into casual conversation if you don’t care about the objections of Other People. Try this icebreaker:

Hey, you know, Alexa is down with being manhandled into the back of a car for sexy fun and games.

Go ahead and use my name. I don’t mind.

Other People will respond with shock and resistance. No problem. Just let that go. That’s the price of wickedness.

There are some more people who think that means you want to get into their trunk right the hell now. Let those people go, too. First of all, they need to remember that you are talking about you and not offering to fulfill a fantasy for them. More importantly, it takes time to determine if you’re with people who will support your wickedness, and it takes confidence, too. The person who wants to go right to the car is afraid he’s going to lose his chance — and fear isn’t wicked at all.

Somewhere in the middle is the person who can have a long, intelligent conversation about the abduction fantasy, without judging anyone or putting pressure on you. Wicked people find the idea as interesting as they find you. By the time those people lead you into the trunk, it’ll feel like the best idea in the world.

Quick word to the wicked: If you are the wickedest person in the room, you just might be in the wrong room. Think it over.

3. Keep an open mind. An open mind separates the genuinely wicked from the poseurs. I hate to admit it, but it’s become necessary to test the wicked wannabe. We need to know if you’re Other People in disguise. We need to know if you’re really up for anything, within reasonable limits. Are you actually wicked, or are you just curious?

More importantly, though, your open mind grants you access to new dimensions of wickedness. That kind of growth is what makes life worthwhile.

Let’s go back to Mark and Jason and the bottle of wine. We’ve agreed to the Jaguar joyride, and now we’re moving to next steps.

What would I say to a little rope bondage? I say yes.

Wax play? I say yes.

A spirited game of I Never? I say yes. Don’t laugh. Have you ever played I Never while tied to a chair? Ever played with another person who was tied to the chair? Okay, then.

From time to time, we all have to say no. That’s just how the world works. Everyone’s got a hard limit somewhere, and I don’t care how often it shows up in books, I’m not down with someone pushing me beyond my hard limits because they know better. Hell, even the softer limits warrant the occasional no. Wicked people respect no; that’s what differentiates wickedness from evil.

But if you’re only saying no because of the perceptions of Other People, it might be time to try a little wickedness on for size.

There’s a wonderful, wicked world in Madeline Iva’s Wicked Apprentice! Of course you’re curious. Check this out.

Zephyr, apprentice of magical arts, is having a really bad day. Under orders to capture an uncanny creature for her mistress’s latest spell, she chains up a tall, gorgeous elf in a decaying castle, only to find out he’s really a wizard with potent powers over human women.  Uh-oh. 

Theo has suffered heartbreak and betrayal more than once.  He’s got a plan to escape, and when he does, he’s taking the curvy little apprentice with him.  Her seductive curiosity about all things elvish makes his heart race, driving him into a sexual frenzy. He’s vowed never to unleash his powers of enchantment upon a human woman—yet while she kisses and teases him, longing for an elf romance, his fae side is slipping out of control.

Their world overturns when Zephyr unleashes a curse involving two magic rings.  Under its spell, she becomes a mighty sorceress while the elf-wizard who loves her becomes her apprentice. As Zephyr works to turn the brooding, mistrustful elf into the hero the people need, Theo must find a way to contain Zephyr’s new powers before her wild magic destroys them all.

Are your buttons pushed? Good! Mission accomplished. Go get yourself a copy right now.

And follow Lady Smut.

Wicked Ways on Halloween

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

Happy Halloween, Lady Smutters! I hope all your ghosts and ghouls treat you well today. Or tortured vampires and fierce werewolves, whatever floats your boats. May your intermittent candy fugue is worth every bite.

Last week,  I was so excited about Lady Smut blogger and guru extraordinaire Madeline Iva’s new release, Wicked Apprentice, that I completely jumped the gun for the theme week!

*This* week is theme week for Wicked Apprentice to coincide (obviously) with all the spooky, wicked goodness of today. To keep theme alive, I’m going to re-post last week’s post, Ways to Be Wicked, with an added bonus at the end that includes a picture of me in costume at last night’s steam punk themed Halloween party where yes, indeed, I did get my sexy on (the garters and boots can’t be seen in the picture, but they’re there, I promise). It very nearly became a costume that said Amazon Princess more than Steam Punk, but, hey, what’s wrong with both, amirite?

Were you wicked today? Do you plan to be? Hit us up with your wicked deeds and ways in the comments.

And follow Lady Smut where our wicked ways are too much to contain to only one day–or week.

WAYS TO BE WICKED–AGAIN

It’s theme week here at Lady Smut as we celebrate the release of Lady Smut blogger and all-around guru, Madeline Iva’s, new novel Wicked Apprentice, a high-fantasy romance filled with betrayals and power juggling and chained up lovers and all sorts of sexy, magical hi-jinks just in time for Halloween!

Click on image to buy!

In Wicked Apprentice, the heroine, Zephyr, a magic apprentice, has to do a wicked deed in order to satisfy her mistress. This deed backfires in a delicious way when her captive elf becomes her captive lover and soon after, a power shift makes her his master–but you’ll have to read the book to find out how that comes about.

Wicked can mean different things to different people. Evil, obviously. That’s a given. Those from the Boston area have been known to use it as an expression of cool. I tend to use it more along the lines of “naughty”–a little bit of wicked to spice up life. For a couple of weeks now, I’ve been musing on the many ways one can be “wicked” (again, not the evil kind because, bad). Musing and occasionally–let’s say testing things out. A step-by-step approach in ways to be wicked, so to speak.

Enter Halloween, that bastion of wicked deeds done right. The one day a year (other than comic-cons) when people can legitimately dress up in costumes with varying flamboyance and indulge that wicked, naughty side that is otherwise kept, for the most part, under wraps and behind closed doors. It’s the time of the pagan solstice, of Samhaim, a night historically meant for remembering the dead, but one that is now more about costumes and hordes of candy. Hordes.

Every year, my inner feminist heartily frowns–frown, frown, frown–at the proliferation of sexed-up costumes for women. It’s hard to find an advert for an adult woman’s costume that doesn’t include the word “sexy” or pictures that require no added description. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. Sexy maid, sexy cat, sexy pirate, sexy teacher, sexy school girl, sexy plumber (you never know). These days, there’s even sexy Harry Potter characters, though, okay, yeah, who wouldn’t be tempted by that, especially after a peek at this set of Harry Potter boudoir pictures. Acc-ee-ohhhhh.

Ruth Ginsberg Halloween costume

Fortunately, MTV and PopSugar have put together a list of feminist friendly costumes that may also be sexxed up to the wearer’s preference. Though, admittedly, I think “sexy tampon” or going as a (very large) vagina is a tad too on-point and, well, tasteless. But that’s me.

This helpful post from Bustle even gives assembly tips on how to construct your feminist-friendly costume. Here too is a Pinterest board of the same, and I gotta say, I’m sorely tempted by the Justice Ruth Ginsberg option. Because she rocks that SCOTUS bench hard.

A quick trip through the options left me with an overwhelming sense of pantsuits, but if it’s good for the (soon-to-be) POTUS-elect, then bring it on! Which is, of course, another feminist-friendly and seriously timely costume option (sexy quotient left up to the wearer, natch): Senator Clinton. If I had to guess, I suspect there’ll be a plethora of Clinton costumes on the adult Halloween party circuit this year. What would be really cool if a group of lady friends got together to be Clinton throughout the years. Cue the Google search.

I don’t care how sexy safe sex is. No. Just no.

That said, when I found myself in need of a costume for a Halloween party with a Jazz Age/Steampunk theme (compliance not required, bless them), I did not immediately search for a feminist-friendly costume. I immediately wondered if there was a prayer my red flapper dress might fit (it doesn’t) and then immediately went Amazon searching for the bustier/ruche skirt/high boots route. I may even have ordered thigh-highs and garters–okay, I totally did. Because, dammit, I wanna get my sexy on!

And that’s the key. Like lingerie, sexy costumes should, in my opinion, be about what makes the wearer feel sexy, not for another person’s prurient pleasure. (That’s just a bonus, am I right? *rim shot*.)

Look, I’ve been wearing some version of a Wonder Woman costume since I was five years old (surprising no one, I’m sure) and that’s basically just a leotard and a tiara (and a lasso!). I can see me revisiting that tried and true (and awesome) homage in future years, especially given the update the costume is getting in the new Wonder Woman movie next year. And I can’t imagine anyone claiming that Wonder Woman, of all female icons, is not feminist. Ditto the sexy. Because kicking bad guy ass in a sparkly leotard and a tiara (with a lasso!) is freakin’ sexy, y’all. Even a five-year old knows that (kinda) (you know what I mean).

Ah. Yeah.

Here I am in all my wicked ways as a steam punk diva. Kids, don’t try this at home.

There was a day and age when women’s sexuality was deemed to be wicked and evil. Women were called witches and heretics for daring to speak up for themselves. These days, thankfully, women–even the nasty ones–don’t have to eschew their wicked, sexy ways to avoid being burnt at the stake. They can indulge their inner naughty side and really, they don’t have to wait for Halloween to do it either. In the 60s, women burned their bras in protest. Me, I like my bras–the sexier, the better–and I’m way too frugal to burn them. Instead, this Halloween, I plan to embrace the spirit of the occasion and indulge my wicked, sexy ways without setting aside my inner feminist to do it. A little bit of wicked never hurt anyone…for long.

 

Be sure to check out Madeline’s Wicked Apprentice and follow Lady Smut so you never miss any of our wicked, sexy ways. 

Writer, singer, editor, traveler, tequila drinker, and cat herder, Kiersten Hallie Krum avoids pen names since keeping her multiple personalities straight is hard enough work. She writes smart, sharp, and sexy romantic suspense. Her debut romantic suspense novel,   Wild on the Rocks,  is now available. Visit her website at  www.kierstenkrum.com  and find her regularly over sharing on various social media via @kierstenkrum.

Sex toys, always more than meets the eye…

By Isabelle Drake

Mysterious, tantalizing, surprising, smooth, and designed to make you feel amazing.

Think I’m describing a perfect guy? Nope. I’m describing sex toys—everything from the tried and true girl’s best friend, the classic vibrator, to remote control butt plugs. If you’re lucky enough to be a woman, toys are all about you because all the best ones are designed to increase a woman’s pleasure. They give you the opportunity to take ownership of your sexuality, experiment with different sensations, and most of all have fun.

Sex toys are a rite of passage. Where were you when you got your first? Your eighteenth birthday party? Bridal shower? At one of the shops on the side of the freeway? It’s awesome to receive a sex toy as a gift because it’s an invitation to a sisterhood. It hilarious to roam through a shop with your girlfriends, maybe after having a couple (several?) afternoon martinis, giggling and daring each other to try something ‘outrageous.’ You know what else is great? Receiving a box of fantastic erotic goodies delivered right to your door.

Here at Lady Smut we’re being treated to a some of the amazing, thrill-inducing subscription boxes from Unbound, a discreet subscription service for women who are unleashed, adventurous, independent, and know love a decadent time. Every three months the babes at Unbound put together a fantastic collection of items designed to put some sass in your step. This month I was treated to the Double Entendre box and yep, my steps have been sassy ever since.

The center attraction of this box, the Je Joue Ooh Collection. “The Sea Witch from the Little Mermaid once said that life is full of tough choices. But what if it weren’t? Je Joue’s fabulous new “Ooh” collection features a core vibrator motor that can be used with whatever your heart desires- be it a butt plug, a cock ring or their fabulous “pebble” clitoral vibe.” Sure,  I stole those lines right from the Unbound’s own site. By why not? That description is perfect. This set offers endless possibilities for private time.

The treasure from the box I’ve gotten the most use from is the one the box must’ve been named for. Is it a gleaming pair of bangles? Nope. Look closer. It’s a pair of golden handcuffs. This flirty accessory is an absolute conversation starter. Put on your sexiest blouse or form fitted T, run your fingers across the edge while chatting with the object of your desire, and the rest of the night is going to go your way.

Cuff yourself? Link the two of you together? Or hook that hot one to the bed. These are all excellent ways to make sure everyone gets what she—and he—wants. Because we rock here at Lady Smut, we’ve written about handcuff before. Check out our post, Very Restrained Foreplay: Handcuffs in Hollywood.

Let’s not forget the yummy Smith and Sinclair cocktail pastilles, scrumptious Sliquid flavored lubricant and inviting Unbound door hanger. Yep, those were in that box too.

Isabelle Drake writes urban fantasy, erotica, and erotic romance. She even wrote a story, PLAY FOR KEEPS, about a woman’s first experience with sex toys.

About PLAY FOR KEEPS:

Two men, one woman, a secluded beach and a challenge – which man really knows how to give her what she craves?

Keera Koltai is convinced she’s lost her sexual spark. Burnt out from her work at an adult toy store, Fantasies Inc., she’s headed south for some time alone – away from men. But thanks to a washed-out causeway, she finds herself stranded on a tiny island with two guys. For years, she’s listened to customers talk about lust at first sight, but she’d decided if it hadn’t happened to her already, it was never going to happen. Her instant reaction to the men proves that theory all wrong.

Check out an excerpt, share your experiences and thoughts about erotic play, and follow us here at Lady Smut. We know what you want and we’re here to give it to you.

Sexy Saturday Round Up

Hello my little maple leaves! It’s the weekend (yaaaaaaay!) and we’ve got a ton of snarling, snapping, sexy, links for you today. So settle in with some spiced apple cider (I prefer mine with a lemon peel in it), munch on those fresh cider donuts and enjoy….

From Madeline:

Some Arab men have been getting twisted up in a horrible skype sex scam. To all our Arab male readers: don’t do what this guy did.

Last week we talked about breast shapes and nipples.  This week we note that Jezebel asks: What type of nipple are you? 

It’s baaaaack! Poldark Season 2. Heroes & Heartbreakers will catch you up on the Poldark season 2 opening right up to the next episode where your TV screen will burst into flames: (USE THE PIC)

Romance Novels for Feminists discusses women and anger in romance novels.

Did you know ETSY has gold glitter penis stickers? Well, they DO.

Now let’s explore various kinds of misogyny women leaders roll their eyes at.

Looking for a great movie with twisty sexy gothic suspense? Look no more, my friends.  The Handmaiden is just the movie you’ve been waiting for.

How to make a first move without being a creep or a wimp.

And this goodie: Why Pop Culture Just Can’t Deal with Black Male Sexuality?

Good Witch/Bad Witch Soap.  Dragon’s blood candle.  Sea witch bath soak.  Sounds perfect for a great Halloween weekend doesn’t it? Sign up for Madeline’s News and you’ll be entered in this WICKED INDULGENCE give away. Only 4 days left in this give away.

Deadline is Nov 1st!

By Elizabeth Shore:

Why it’s a really really bad idea to take a topless selfie while driving.

You had to know this was coming. Searches for clown porn up 213% over the last few weeks.

Wanna alter your brain without the nuisance of illegal drugs? Just try BDSM.

Taking him deep. Here’s how.

Rural Australian veterinarians get bare assed naked to raise issues of depression.

 

Ghosts Making Booty Calls

by Elizabeth SaFleur

It’s a wild wicked week at LadySmut. Not only is our very own Madeline Iva coming out with her latest, Wicked Apprentice, but we’re tackling all the Halloween myths, legends, costume angst and deep, dark truths lurking around this favorite holiday.

Let’s talk ghost sex. As in, how they do it. You’ve wondered this, too? Well, good. Because I’ve lost some sleep over figuring out how do ghosts get it on. I mean, they’re transparent. How does “that” get into “this.” (Picture the hand gestures being made right now.) Wouldn’t it just, ahem, slide right through? And not in a good way. In a completely ineffectual way.

An answer must be found. It simply must. Because apparently fifteen perfect — FIFTEEN PERCENT! — of real, live, breathing people are getting it on with a non corporeal being. Even the Travel Channel did a documentary called Ghost Lovers (now officially in my Netflix cue. Oy, the things I endure for research.).

Consent isn’t such a thing in ghostland, either. Some people who’ve been the recipient of such a spiritual encounter did not make the booty call. The horny apparitions just appeared and started groping like Donald Trump. Oh, the horrors.

According to experts, however, just a fraction of the world’s ghost sex is non-consensual. Well, whew. But wait a minute. This means some of them DID ask for it? Yeppers. In fact, a whole community has cropped up around ghost fetishism. You just have to be open to such an encounter, say the people with spectrophilia, the official name for a fetish or condition where people display a strong sexual attraction to ghosts and spirits. So, settle in, relax your mind and bring on the invisible ding dongs? Even if you could request ghost sex, the original question stands.

HOW does it work?

I turned to my favorite kind of research: buying and reading erotic romance books (as if the incentive was required). The amount of available ghost erotica is impressive. Succubus, demons and Casper-like beings are all getting it on between the pages. Carolyn Crane, Beth Kery, and our very own Alexa Day have written ghosts tales.

Check out Alexa’s short story, Three, After Midnight, in Mysteries of the Macabre: a Halloween Anthology. So. Much. Hawtness.

So, how do they do it? you are shouting  right now. The answer is simple my friends, thanks to Carolyn Crane’s Old Salt, a delightful short about a disenchanted tour guide in a small town whose claim to fame is the nightly hauntings from a drowned sea captain called “Old Salt.” Turns out “Old Salt” is really “Young Hot Guy.”

****SPOILER ALERT****

She dies. But all is not lost. He teaches the tour guide how to become corporeal for short periods of time. Guess what they do during these times? They concentrate really, really hard and bam! Bam-bam-bam-bam!

He-he-he-he. So there you go. Who knew the answer was so easy? You just gotta want it. Like anything in life, I guess.

Follow LadySmut. We’re easy. We won’t make you have sex with invisible critters for fun. Just pick up one of our books, like Madeline Iva’s latest, Wicked Apprentice, for all the salacious fun and fantasy you can handle.

About Wicked Apprentice

Zephyr, apprentice of magical arts, is having a really bad day. Under orders to capture an uncanny creature for her mistress’s latest spell, she chains up a tall, gorgeous elf in a decaying castle, only to find out he’s really a wizard with potent powers over human women. Uh-oh.

Theo has suffered heartbreak and betrayal more than once. He’s got a plan to escape, and when he does, he’s taking the curvy little apprentice with him. Her seductive curiosity about all things elvish makes his heart race, driving him into a sexual frenzy. He’s vowed never to unleash his powers of enchantment upon a human woman—yet while she kisses and teases him, longing for an elf romance, his fae side is slipping out of control.

Their world overturns when Zephyr unleashes a curse involving two magic rings. Under its spell, she becomes a mighty sorceress while the elf-wizard who loves her becomes her apprentice. As Zephyr works to turn the brooding, mistrustful elf into the hero the people need, Theo must find a way to contain Zephyr’s new powers before her wild magic destroys them all.

Madeline Iva’s high fantasy romance will enchant readers who love all things elvish, brooding heroes and bold heroines.

*****

Elizabeth SaFleur writes contemporary erotic romance and she’s not afraid to get a little graphic about it  — “it” being the smex, the BDSM or Washington, DC society, which she regularly features in her series, the Elite Doms of Washington.

I Put A Spell On You

by Madeline Iva

A FEW GOOD WITCHES: At this time of year, it’s important to reflect upon why witches are so important, and how you, an ordinary citizen, might want to think about how to become an awesome Witch.

In my life I have truly found witch stuff to be scary.  There are three times in particular that I remember. First was watching this freaky old re-run of Kolchak The Night Stalker.  The episode was about these gorgeous models who were being murdered.  It turned out one of the models was a witch, and the idea was that witches couldn’t stand water.  So Kolchak put her face in the water, which bubbled like it was boiling.  Her face came out all blue, bubbly, and hideous looking.  Scared the be-jesus out of me.

Don’t be a sea monster when you can be a DIVA sea witch instead.

Intrigued by all this witch stuff, and half-freaked out, I snuck out of bed one night to watch some random movie on TV.  In it this wealthy, gorgeous woman has died and her will demanded that she be put into a glass coffin in the middle of her big garden–but then her body disappeared.  Because she was a witch!  At least that’s what people were speculating. Then people started turning up dead. I didn’t even watch the rest of the made-for-TV-movie–and it didn’t matter. I had nightmares for weeks after that.

Bell, Book, & Candle. 60’s witches were pretty cool.

Finally, there was the one, the only BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, 1999.  That movie utterly freaked me out.  I loved it.

***spoiler alert*** —but come on people, the movie has been out, like forever—

It didn’t matter that you never actually saw a witch.  The signs and symbols were there. Their raw and understated realism terrified me.  The absence of the witch just left her to loom large in my imagination and brought her back home with me to my dorm room. The student I went with actually thought the movie was a documentary–that it was all real.  I didn’t, but just the same I had bad dreams all night where the red light winking on the fire alarm in my dorm room ceiling was really the eye of the devil, and he was coming for me.  

So aside from the joy of scaring the bejesus out of kids, let’s look at the rest of the positives when it comes to being a witch—

1) If you’re gonna go bad—go beautiful.

I like my witches with mega-glamor.

Note, for instance, the Evil Queen in Snow White – she’s not scary so much as sullenly beautiful, goaded by the inner wounds of her vanity.  She’s very magic-y, and very active, and very much a lone wolf in doing her own thing.  I don’t know about you, but I related to her about a THOUSAND times more than I related to Snow White.  I thought she was fascinating with all her powers.

Personally, I’d much rather be green and tall and fabulous, working my magic to a fever pitch, than be all rosy-cheeked and–y’know–into sweeping and cleaning house. I mean–seriously.

Meanwhile, who wants to spend all her time with a bunch of crotchety old men?

3) DON’T GIVE A DAMN.

Bored now. *Ouch!*

Admit it, you liked evil Willow didn’t you?  With her “bored now” as a bad witch she was almost as good as bad Willow, her alter-ego on Buffy.

Meanwhile, who ever watched the original Bewitched and didn’t side with Endora over Darren? Agnes B. Moorhead, who played Endora, taught a whole generation of little girls in the 70’s to subvert their husband’s authority and speak back to male patriarchy.  And she was a fun grandmother.

She stole the show.

 

4) CLAIM YOUR POWER – IN YOUR OWN WAY.

Being a witch is all about realizing that there is power all around you–and then claiming it.  In some ways I couldn’t get enough of AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN.

This show was all about women and power–and I gobbled it up. Except most of the torturing slaves part. That I had to skip through or shut my eyes and cringe over.

There was so much to love here.

First of all — you’ve got your small, private witch academy. (!!!!)

And they were a stylin’ set of girls, you’ve got to admit. There is power in learning how to wear black anytime, anywhere–even in the South.

My goal in life is to dress every day like I’m going to the most fabulous funeral ever.

Second of all, you have your romantic couple figuring out how to make it work despite being cursed.  There’s a lot of power in learning how to love your own way, despite the ‘rules’ of society.

It’s not easy being a witch who can’t have sex. And it’s even harder trying to have a committed relationship with a zombie who suffered sexual abuse. But THEY WORK IT OUT and that is beautiful.

Third, you’ve got your Misty Day with all her spiritual inspiration drawn from that white witch with the shredded vocal chords–Stevie Nicks.

You can go your own way, Rhiannon. If I were Stevie Nicks I would have wanted to come on this show too.

And FINALLY — when I grow up I want to be Myrtle Snow.

The woman has style. She’s her own witch, and most importantly, she’s not a pretty young thing any more but when she’s in a room you notice her.  She’s got flair and power, and yet she’s got a light energy, a good energy, as well as a sense of humor about herself and how f**ked up the world is. She should have her own TV show.  A Coven prequel, if you will.

Myrtle, you are my role model.

6) A WITCH ACCEPTS THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER ACTIONS.

This relates to magic in general, where it seems there is always a price to pay for having the sparkly zappies at your finger tips, dammit! Ignorance is really your watch word here. Witches make alliances with women, they enchant the men, and if you stand your ground away from the rest of the pack– sometimes you get a big old bucket of humiliation thrown at you on occasion. But it’s okay–if you’re going to pay with fire, you’re going to get burned.

Being a witch is all about pulling up your big girl undies and realizing some scorched fingers are gonna happen. Of course you don’t want to be covered in flames head to foot until your face melts off. That’s not so good. But witches are both fantasists and realists.  They see the power of what could be (think McBeth’s three damsels hovering over their cauldron) and they see the power of what is.  This is what I like so much about witches.  They look beyond the mundane.  They see the possibilities of what can happen when you step out of line.  And even though some bad consequences might occur, they beckon us to go for it.

Meanwhile, can I tempt you with a suitably witchy give away to celebrate the season?  If you sign up for MADELINE’S NEWS you could win a free copy of my book along with these wonderful witchy spa products from Lux Aromatica–made by Kerensa, who’s rocking her own Samhain vibe right now.

And follow us at Lady Smut, while we fly across the harvest moon.

Madeline Iva writes fantasy and paranormal romance.  Her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, featuring a magic geek heroine, is available for pre-order and releases November 1st.  Sign up Madeline Iva news & give aways.  Follow her on facebook.

 

 

 

 

Unfriending Facebook

Facebook, WTF??

By Elizabeth Shore

It happened this week.

Again.

Facebook, that ultra mega-behemoth social billboard of the world, banished one of our own Lady Smutters for 24 hours for posting a link on her author page to our Sexy Saturday Round-Up. We don’t know for certain the reason that landed her in Facebook jail. It could be the featured photo that accompanies SSRU every week, that of a woman’s torso whose breasts are covered with the hands of two different men. Or perhaps it was one of the links in SSRU that Facebook objected to. Something a little too “scandalous” for them.

Facebook’s policy for locking us up in the virtual slammer for any period of time is based on whether the posted content violates their “Community Standards.” If you actually take the time to read those standards  – and oh yes, people, I have – you’ll see that Facebook lumps together in a single policy the prohibition of both sexual violence and nudity. To Facebook’s way of thinking, the two apparently share equal footing on the scale of badness. In other words, content promoting the sexual exploitation of a minor, for example, is as horrid to Facebook as a photo of a woman’s bare breast. If only I were joking.

The Community Standard policy about sexually exploitive and violent content is this: We remove content that threatens or promotes sexual violence or exploitation. This includes the sexual exploitation of minors, and sexual assault. To protect victims and survivors, we also remove photographs or videos depicting incidents of sexual violence and images shared in revenge or without permissions from the people in the images.

Well, sure. That makes sense. Sexual assault, in addition to being unforgivably atrocious, is illegal. So content promoting such should be and is prohibited. Here’s what doesn’t make sense: the nudity police. Facebook’s Community Standard states: We remove photographs of people displaying genitals or focusing in on fully exposed buttocks. We also restrict some images of female breasts if they include the nipple, but we always allow photos of women actively engaged in breastfeeding or showing breasts with post-mastectomy scarring. We also allow photographs of paintings, sculptures, and other art that depicts nude figures.

Bare breast? Nipple?! Gaaaahhh!!! Look away! LOOK AWAY!! Unless, of course, the bare breast is in a painting. Then you can look all you want. That bare breast, or that exposed penis, as long as it’s in a photo of art, is perfectly OK. OK? But…um…how is that “arty” bare breast different from a photo of a real bare breast? Far as I can tell, all the bits are the same. Breast itself, aureola, nipple. It’s all there, “exposed,” if you will, for inquisitive eyes to view, so why one and not the other? What about if I painted my own breast, took a photo of it, and slapped it up on my page? It’s my own version of art! Would that be cool, Facebook?

The scoop on the nudity ban is that it exists because, “… some audiences within our global community may be sensitive to this type of content – particularly because of their cultural background or age. Right.

Yo, Facebook. Here’s why I’m struggling with that. Think about your whole raison d’être. It’s to be a social networking site where we can share moments, stories, events in our lives with our friends and community. You even state that on your Community Standards page, so I’m not just making crap up here. And again, we share what’s important to us to those in our circle. And, obviously, something that’s highly important to one person may mean diddly to another. But that’s OK. You know why? ‘Cause we’re not trying to share our sh*t with the entire world.

You know what you can do with your Community Standards line about some unknown global community being sensitive to nudity, Facebook? Pound sand. The intent of Facebook was never to set up the morality police. As long as it’s not illegal, there has to be acceptance that nearly every single thing that people post will offend someone, somewhere. I give as an example my dislike of hunting. I’m not a fan. But I get that there are plenty of people worldwide who like it. I also know that some of those people enjoy posting photos of themselves with animals they’ve slaughtered. Guess what I do about those images I’m “sensitive” to? I don’t look at them.

Facebook acknowledges that its members use the site to share their experiences and to raise awareness about issues that are important to them. And, they add: This means that you may encounter opinions that are different from yours, which we believe can lead to important conversations about difficult topics. To help balance the needs, safety, and interests of a diverse community, however, we may remove certain kinds of sensitive content or limit the audience that sees it. 

WTF? How exactly does that work? You’re talking out of both sides of your face, Facebook. To have “important conversations about difficult topics” means there may be posted content some people find offensive. That’s the deal. It’s how it works. That’s what you get from that same said diverse community you’re allegedly trying to serve. Unless the diverse community posts stuff you don’t like. Then you just shut it down.

Millennials, it turns out, no longer view Facebook as being cool. Too many “old folks” are using it, including their mothers. They also don’t like the “unapologetic ubiquity” of the site, according to an article on CNBC.com, Why Snapchap is better than Facebook. Those young hipsters have unfriended Facebook ’cause they don’t “like” it anymore. Sometimes, neither do I.

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Return to Snctm: Who’s on Top in Utopia?

I just had one question. One persistent, slippery question.

By Alexa Day

I was enjoying a long, lazy summer when I first wrote about Snctm this past May. The goop.com sex issue sent me right through the looking glass.

I go into a lot of detail about Snctm in that post, but in essence, Snctm is a sex club catering to men with money. Applicants, both male and female, are evaluated in large part on their appearance. There are pool parties and masquerades and such, but honestly, if you read erotic romance, you probably already know what a sex club is.

About two and a half months after that post, an email from a Snctm member appeared in the LadySmut mail room. I have agreed not to disclose this person’s identity or to quote this person in such a way that would lead to this person’s being identified. For ease of reference and in deference to the classical tradition of storytelling, I will refer to this person as Nemo.

Nemo guessed, correctly, that I have not been to a Snctm event. Nemo said the reality of the events surpassed the press coverage, which was plentiful.

Nemo also said that Snctm was empowering for women.

I was skeptical about this at first. After all, nothing I’d turned up for the first post left me with this impression. But the journalist in me wanted to improve inadequate coverage and the eroticist in me wanted to know how this worked. So Nemo and I began to correspond.

Because I have agreed not to quote Nemo, I will distill our correspondence to these bullets.

Nemo suggested that I interview Snctm founder Damon Lawner, which I would be delighted to do if I could get hold of him.
Nemo assured me that security was incredibly tight at Snctm events.
Nemo emphasized that women outnumbered men at Snctm events. If those women wanted to undress and engage in a little girl-on-girl while the men looked on, well, they should feel perfectly comfortable to do that wherever possible. Seriously, Snctm is all about greenlighting girl-on-girl.
Nemo said that everyone at the Snctm events had loads and loads of money.
And finally, Nemo repeated that women were empowered at Snctm events.

That last point was really all I was interested in. Snctm has been compared to the club in Eyes Wide Shut and to the Playboy mansion back in its heyday. If that conjures up visions of naked women cavorting around for the enjoyment of wealthy men, well, the Snctm membership video seems to back that up. (BTW, that video link is probably the most NSFW link I have ever posted.)

I asked Nemo what I was missing. Nemo promised to call. I wrote down a list of questions.

And then Nemo ghosted me.

I’ve been ghosted before. It happens. But that’s not the way to change my mind. Indeed, that cemented my opinion that Snctm was not empowering for women. It certainly sounded like Nemo wasn’t able to answer my one pressing question.

I signed on to the Snctm email list a while back. From time to time, I received lovingly overblown messages from them about a Classe (yes, with the ‘e’), like the one on “bondage, impact and sensation play,” complete with “canapes and premium libations.” Invitations to masquerades and pool parties joined the rest of the promotional emails in my inbox.

Then, on September 27, I received the following email.

“For 2 months in a row our problem is too many amazing, gorgeous ladies and not enough men! This is something most clubs only dream of, but we are serious. Our prices are very high for men and free for ladies guest list. What this means is we have created a literal sexual utopia for gentlemen smart enough, successful enough, and lucky enough to attend our events. The ladies to gentlemen ratio is 4 to 1. 2 or 3 to 1 is what we are looking to achieve. ‘Blessed are those entering our hallowed halls’ has never rung so true as now.”

I have trouble squaring empowerment for women with “a literal sexual utopia for gentlemen,” especially when utopia is about having two or three women for every man. That’s lovely news for guys bringing a partner to the events, right? No need to be limited to the one you brought, it seems. If you’re a woman not interested in girl-on-girl, I’m not sure what that means for you.

Anyone feeling empowered out there? Don’t worry if you don’t. There’s more.

On September 28, I received this next email.

“From this moment forward to any and all gentlemen who request discounts and/or free entry here is our response. FUCK OFF. If you can’t afford Snctm, you need to be a real man and get your shit together. Enough said.”

In May, I suspected that Snctm’s membership was made up of women Damon Lawner found hot and men he found cool. Still, this second email is a little jarring. One does not often find toxic masculinity in an environment that is empowering to women.

Want to try this club instead? Click to buy.

I think I was still rolling my eyes a little when I received yet another email. This one contained a link to an Esquire feature on Lawner. The title suggests that he is unhappy. I found this a little galling so soon after “FUCK OFF” but I read on anyway.

Esquire’s coverage of a Snctm masquerade includes all the luxe details. The giant mansion. The sumptuous food and drink. Topless women at the pool. When the feature opens, Lawner and Caroline, with whom he shares an open relationship, are evaluating someone’s membership application. The female applicant notes that she is a hyperpolyglot who enjoys dirty talk. Lawner is intrigued by the notion of dirty talk in multiple languages. Caroline suggests that the applicant probably “likes to get fucked really hard.”

You ladies feeling empowered yet?

Esquire also reports that “Lawner has tried to create a spiritual and erotic utopia where people of like minds and desires can have as much sex and romance as humanly possible, in as many different ways as the imagination can invent.” That sounds intriguing, no? It conjures up images of long conversations that might be inappropriate elsewhere, the kind of sensual, intellectual interaction that lasts for hours before anyone undresses. So how did he get from there to a “literal sexual utopia for men,” a place that can afford to tell potential applicants, guys who might have like minds but less extravagant budgets, to “FUCK OFF”?

The Esquire reporter also captures a disturbing moment between Caroline and another party guest, a man whose “vigorous” touch prompts her to flee the room in “obvious distress.” I remembered Nemo’s insistence that the parties were full of security personnel, but none are present in this account. Lawner follows Caroline out.

The next morning, he asks if he should have intervened.

The next morning.

I don’t think I need to say any more about that.

All is not lost.

Before the incident with Caroline, the feature touches briefly on a female Devotee, a performer in Snctm’s erotic theater. Dressed in a pig mask and a sign that reads “Touch Me,” she is led through the party by two other performers, who encourage guests to do as the sign says. The Devotee tells the reporter that “she loved the way the guests looked at her with a mixture of shyness and desire, men and women alike.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. This was all I wanted to hear. It took five months, but now we know that somewhere in Snctm is a woman who feels empowered by what the club has to offer her.

Actually, Esquire offers up a smaller feature — very NSFW — follows the Devotee into a performance with a Snctm regular known as the Bunnyman. Considering that this Devotee is the only woman to describe in detail how she’s empowered by the experience, that’s definitely worth a read. I’d certainly love to hear more from her, and from anyone who knows the thrill of power in a setting like this. I really am interested in the intellectual and erotic underpinnings that go along with this.

This does nothing to reassure me about what happened to Caroline or the environment in which it happened. That gives me very real reservations about the Snctm experience and the male members’ perception of it.

So while one of my questions is answered, others have arisen.

I know that readers of erotica and erotic romance are no strangers to the sex club, at least as it appears on the page. I found a new favorite in The Gentlemen’s Club by Emmanuelle de Maupassant, who leaves no question about whether the ladies of the club are empowered. Be sure to tell me who else is doing it right in the comments.

And follow Lady Smut. We’ll take you on a long trip sometimes, but the journey’s certainly worthwhile.