Liz Everly's Blog, page 38
December 30, 2016
#ReadHotter with the 2017 Lady Smut Book Challenge!
Those of you who’ve been following Lady Smut for over a year may remember our #ReadHotter book challenge in 2016. Well, we’re back at it for 2017 with a book challenge to get you reading even hotter!
This past year has been such a difficult one for many of us. There have been big political changes, high emotions, and too many celebrity deaths. Because of this, I’ve focused the challenge this year on stories that help us escape: romances that transport us to another time or culture, make us laugh, or sweep us away with an intense love story between exes or opposites or two people who have a big age difference.
There are also items on the challenge to provide you that much-needed romance escape during your day: a short story or novella you can read during your lunch break or an audiobook you can listen to at the gym.
Reading books, and romance in particular, has long been a way I cope with stress. It’s relaxing, it’s fun, it gets my mind off the world when the world seems sad or overwhelming or scary. What about you?
If you’re like me, let’s all make 2017 the year we vow to #ReadHotter! Comment below if you’re joining us! We’d also love to hear about the book categories you’re most excited about, and/or the stories you have in mind to read.
Feel free to share the image above on Pinterest, Facebook, or Twitter. You can also tell us what you’re reading on social media under the hashtag #ReadHotter.
And if you have a great book to recommend, let us know! There’s no better way to ring in the New Year than new (or new-to-us) books!
G.G. Andrew writes quirky romantic comedy. Sometimes it’s paranormal, sometimes it’s New Adult, sometimes it’s between two consenting adults in the real world who are arguing about grammar–but it always involves a lot of awkwardness and ill-advised kisses along the way. Her latest is the short story Girl Meets Grammarian , coming in February in the geek romance anthology Covalent Bonds from World Weaver Press.
December 25, 2016
Bikers for Christmas
by Kiersten Hallie Krum
Wouldn’t *that* be something to find under your tree on Christmas morning? Alas, there was no bearded, growly, alpha yet somehow feminist-supportive, muscled, steaming hot biker stud awaiting me this Christmas morn. (Next year, Santa!)
Thank God for biker romance! Let me help you end your holiday of joyous over-eating and being nice to people you only see a few times a year with a taste of Megan Crane’s upcoming biker romance Devil’s Mark.
Look! A blurb!
Holly Chambless is tired of being the squeaky clean daughter of Lagrange’s holier-than-thou mayor. When her father is charged with corruption, she realizes that her whole life’s been a lie. Now’s her chance to do all the things she never dared, like scoring a job at a bar where reputations go to die, or reconnecting with the biker who sparked a secret hunger in her all those years ago. Holly isn’t a wide-eyed girl anymore—and this time she wants a taste of what has always been denied.
Killian “Uptown” Chenier has no time for stuck-up princesses. He likes fast bikes and wild sex. Sure, he remembers Holly. He sent her running with a wicked smile and a lesson about prying eyes. And sure, she’s grown up smoking-hot, with a body he’d like to personally desecrate. But Devil’s Keepers business is real and intense. Her daddy stole from the club, leaving his pretty blonde daughter a walking target. And when Uptown takes aim at what he wants, he never misses.
You can start your new year in the Lagrange bayou with the Devil’s Keepers motorcycle club when Devil’s Mark releases on January 3rd. Meanwhile, get started with this teasing excerpt and be sure to check out the first book in the series, Devil’s Honor, reviewed earlier this year here on Lady Smut.
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Click on image to preorder!
Hope you had a happy and healthy Christmas day and start of Chanukkah celebrations! Be sure to check back with Lady Smut for a wild and sexy 2017!
“Here’s how this works,” Uptown said, very calmly, but being this close to him again made her a little bit dizzy. She could see the way his dark chocolate eyes gleamed. It did not exactly make her think of candy. “You’re under my protection. That’s what you tell anyone who comes at you or tries to cop a feel, okay?”
Holly bristled. “I don’t need to be protected.”
“Baby, please. They’ll eat you alive.”
“Well, so what if they do?” she demanded, glaring at him, that odd thing in her stomach that shouldn’t have been shame—because what did it matter what a biker thought of her—pulling into a taut, hard knot. “What do you care? And besides, Katelyn seems perfectly happy being consumed by the biker world.”
“You don’t want to be Katelyn.”
“I love Katelyn,” Holly snapped, because weirdness between them didn’t mean Holly should be disloyal. “She’s been my best friend since we shared a coloring book in kindergarten.”
“This isn’t fucking kindergarten, babe. Christ.”
“I’m sure that whatever makes Katelyn happy is good enough for me.” She might have been talking from between her teeth, but she meant it.
“You know how your girl got her job here?” Uptown reached over then and took the end of her ponytail in his fist, tugging gently on it. It should have been annoying, like a mosquito buzzing around her. It wasn’t. Instead, she could feel that faint pulling sensation… everywhere. “She blew Bart, right here in this office. That was her warm up, but you know, nothing new for her since she’d been hanging around the clubhouse for a while. Then she banged a couple of brothers on the couch to show her appreciation for being considered. But we doubted her commitment because she always seemed more about the party than getting any work done, so the next night she came back and blew a line of brothers, then let Bart fuck her in the ass over the desk while anyone who wanted to watch hung out. She started later that night. Big tips all around.” His head tilted to one side and she couldn’t have described that gleam in his gaze if her life had depended on it. But she could feel it like a punch to her belly. “That about what you had in mind tonight? Because I should tell you, we already knew and liked Katelyn. That was why we kept it mellow. Some of the other girls who work here had a lot more to prove when they came in.”
Holly thought it was lucky that she couldn’t really process a single thing he’d said. Because it was too much. She remembered hunching over that coloring book with Katelyn when they were little, sharing their crayons even though they’d both wanted the green. She remembered all their sleepovers over the years, lying huddled up in the same bed whispering secrets and dreams into the dark. She didn’t want to think about her friend dispensing blow jobs or anything else. Because if she did, she might have to pay attention to the things her body was doing, as if it was imagining her in all the positions Uptown had described so nonchalantly. She felt… weird. But she couldn’t let herself think about that.
“I thought Katelyn belonged to the club,” she said instead.
“Sure,” Uptown agreed, lazily. Or maybe he was just amused at how little Holly knew about his world and Katelyn’s place in it, despite how close she’d claimed she and Katelyn were. Worse, she was sure he could see exactly how red her cheeks were. She could feel the crisp heat in them and had to force herself not to put her hands there and make it worse. “She takes care of us, we take care of her.”
“And I notice that you left yourself out of that story.” She ignored the flare of heat in her cheeks, particularly when his gaze seemed to sharpen. “Is that a sudden fit of modesty?”
He tugged on the end of her ponytail, making her chin rise against her will. But when he eased off the pressure, she didn’t lower it.
“Nothing modest about me. You want to hear who I fuck and how? I’m not shy, princess. But I think you are.”
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December 23, 2016
Authors That Keep Vibrator Sales a Hummin’
Ho-h0-ho and a bottle of rum. Jimmy Buffet’s iconic Christmas song about a stressed out Santa who’s run off to the Caribbean may be exactly how many of us are feeling riiiiiight about … now.
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Well, kittens, take a load off your shopping-swollen feet, grab a shot of rum* or whatever is your pleasure and reminisce with some favorite LadySmut authors we interviewed over the last year.
One minute diversion: Husband and I discovered a new drink at the Kimpton’s Mason and Rook hotel in Washington, DC this past week during a little R&R getaway: hot Chai tea (made with coconut milk) and spiced rum. Can you say “Christmas in your mouth?!”
On to the authors we love and the books that bring us entertainment, provide a break from reality and keep vibrators sales a hummin’….
Renee Rose – including a smexy excerpt!
Sierra Cartwright – who got to kiss William Shatner, by the way.
Kristen Ashley – carnation pink, Jimmy Choo pumps and sooo much more.
Other posts by moi posed the Really Important Questions, like how do ghosts do it (Ghosts Making Booty Calls) and have what we consider a good-looking man changed much in the last century (A Century of Hot Men)? Ya know, think tank level stuff…
About this time last year, we also posted a list of books the LadySmutters couldn’t stop thinking about in 2015. What are yours this year? Any really great reads that we MUST check out? Post in the comments because one can never have a TBR pile that’s too tall.
Also, follow LadySmut where we post all the questions worth answering. And pictures of hotness. And books. And more books. In other words, all the good things in life.
Happiest of Holidays to you and yours.
May 2017 be the year where everything “goes right” in your life.
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Elizabeth SaFleur writes contemporary erotic romance and she’s not afraid to get graphic about it — “it” being the sex, the BDSM or Washington, DC society, which she regularly features in her series, the Elite Doms of Washington. Join her Sexy, Saucy, Sometimes Naughty exclusive reader’s group or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
December 22, 2016
Merry Christmas Baby! You Sure Do Treat Me Right…
[image error]by Madeline Iva
Last night we left a very fun Christmas party and blundered about in a dark driveway trying to find the car. I walked through what I thought were some crunchy leaves on top of the tarmac only to discover they were in fact cloaking a deep drainage ditch. There’s nothing like feeling something on the side of your ankle pop while your heels twist and down you go.
ONE SPRAINED ANKLE LATER…I’m sitting in our car outside the pharmacy when Sweetie calls. He’s inside the pharmacy picking out a bandage for my ankle. He says, “They’ve got the latest Kristan Higgins romance here. Should I get that too?”
Now that, ladies and gentleman, is a man who loves me.
Ahhh, the healing powers of Kristan Higgins! This is the third novel of hers I’ve read this week.
I hope all you wonderful people out there are finding your own miraculous healing powers via romance novels written by your favorite authors.
I hope all you women and men who follow our sex-positive/woman-empowering blog continue with your support and love. Cause we love you right back — you know that, don’t you?
And I hope you find some respite this holiday–from the enervating election year, from your crabby relatives, from your adorable but challenging children, and finally, from that bullying asshat of a boss.
To help you along, I’ve plunked down some of my favorite posts from 2016 and before. I bid you a fond farewell until 2017. Merry Christmas, baby!
Here’s a post from the heart: How Romance Saved My Life
Some overwhelmingly popular topics on our blog:
He’s Handy Carpenters and Their Big, Sexy Tools
Fire Crotch: Curse of the Red Hot Red-Heads
The Sexy Older Man, AKA The Daddy Figure
In Nov 2106, I published a fantasy romance. Looking back, I realize that I spent most of my time off watching and reading about my favorite topics–SFF & The Paranormal:
https://ladysmut.com/2016/02/18/crimson-peak-more-bloody-than-a-tampon-and-i-relished-it/
https://ladysmut.com/2016/05/12/on-the-run-from-zombies-post-apocalyptic-menage/
https://ladysmut.com/2016/06/09/heartless-soul-sucking-sex-moppets/
https://ladysmut.com/2016/07/21/the-lobster-most-un-romantic-movie-evah/
I realize I like exploring two aspects of the body on Lady Smut.
One is the uber-curvy female body:
A Gi-normic Debate: Banning the Term Plus-Size
Seriously Stacked–Extremely Curvy Women
The other is the female attraction to more fluid forms of male sexuality.
From Lolitas and Brolitas
to Androgyny and Transgender romances,
to a Man in a Dress or All Yours & Tied Up, and beyond that to the labrythine fantasies of Madeira Darling–if you dare. ; >
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December 20, 2016
Porn and Spanking and Self Love – Oh My!
Merry Christmas, baby
Hey, All! Have you got your shopping done yet? Are you blissed out on spiked nog and peppermint bark? Are lights and candles twinkling in the windows? Even if NONE of these things are happening in your world, you still deserve a rest from the madness we collectively refer to as “the holiday season.” Hanging with friends and the fam can be fun (or not), but downtime for yourself means kicking back and reliving some of our fun posts from 2016. It’s “best of” week here at Lady Smut, so put your feet up, grab a cup of cheer, and get whisked away, Lady Smut style.
How to relax when the world’s gone mad? By watching porn, of course. A team of science geeks researchers say it’s good for you. So scientifically speaking, you owe it to yourself. Right?
‘Tis the Season to Ring Those Bells
Is it too late to be good?
By Alexa Day
You know, this really is the most wonderful time of the year. There’s an abundance of food, drink, merriment and romance. People are being slightly less awful to each other. Snow has begun to fall. And most importantly, this is when I start looking forward to next year.
I’ll be taking a winter break, along with my learned colleagues here, but I’ll be back in January with more hijinks. In the meantime, why don’t you check out some highlights from this past year?
Snctm. Is it, as Churchill described Russia, “a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”? I think not. I think it’s much less complex.
Soon you can go back to being naughty (if indeed you ever stopped). Don’t forget to touch up your skills.
Please, in the new year, can we resolve to keep the wild alpha wild?
Consider, as we broaden our horizons, the baggage we carry along with our curiosity. I have a word or two about urban romance here.
In this season of parties and bar hopping, don’t forget to be of service to your single friends. Start training to be a wingwoman here.
I would feel strange if I left you without a video, so enjoy this holiday favorite as you sit down to break bread with your loved ones.
Have a lovely holiday! And follow Lady Smut. We’re the gift that keeps on giving.
December 19, 2016
A Few of My Favorite Posts
by Kiersten Hallie Krum
It’s that time again, Lady Smutters! The holiday craze has returned as it does every year. This year feels particularly frantic, with celebrities dropping seemingly every day (RIP Alan Thicke, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Harry Morgan!) and each new announcement from Washington another episode of stupefying ignorance and terrifying crazy. It feel more important that ever to nurture hope, breathe kindness, and cultivate courage. Me, I like to watch David Gandy’s new Light Blue advert on repeat…
As is our holiday tradition here, we will be taking our holiday break next week, coming back to you in 2017 with all new sorts of smexy! Reflecting back on this year, I shared a lot of great books I’d read with all y’all and also ruminated on a bunch of pop culture issues and current events as they relate to and affect women. Here are a few of my favorite posts from 2016.
Imposter Syndrome: Do You Have It?
The Shaming of Plus Sized Women
Navy Seals: Why They Turn My Crank
Happy Christmas and Happy Chanukah to ALL our Lady Smut readers. May this holiday be filled with love and joy and hope for the upcoming year when Lady Smut will be back bringing you the smexy because we sure do know what we like.
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Writer, singer, editor, traveler, tequila drinker, and cat herder, Kiersten Hallie Krum avoids pen names since keeping her multiple personalities strait is hard enough work. She writes smart, sharp, and sexy romantic suspense. Her debut romantic suspense novel, Wild on the Rocks, is now available. Visit her website at www.kierstenkrum.com and find her regularly over sharing on various social media via @kierstenkrum.
December 16, 2016
The joy of travel sex
If you ask me, travel sex is some of the hottest sex in the world. Why? Because travel puts us in a different headspace, where anything can happen. For me, there’s a mix of anticipation, uncertainty and adventure that, when combined as I step onto a plane, check into a hotel or set foot in a new to me city, make me feel far more uninhibited than I do at home.
One of the most outrageous travel sex adventures I’ve ever had happened during an unexpected overnight layover. My flight had been cancelled and I decided to stay at the airport overnight. This was long ago enough that I don’t actually remember what airport it was, which doesn’t really matter save for the fact that the place cleared out as people scrambled to find hotel rooms. Except for me…and a guy who was also stranded. I believe he was from somewhere in South America. He was incredibly sweet and as we waited next to each other, we talked…and then did much more.
It’s hard to put into words without it sounding sordid but what we shared in that airport is actually one of my favorite sexual memories. Why? Because it was completely unexpected. Because we likely never would have met had fate not brought us together that night. Because I would have been scared as hell to spend a whole night in an airport entirely alone. So yes, it was much more than stolen hand jobs. It was a chance to connect with a total stranger and get through a frustrating situation and release some sexual tension. It was an opportunity to be exhibitionists hidden in plain sight.
I also have a huge fondness for hotel sex, whether during a staycation or a full on trip, because hotels are such gorgeous blank slates, with their freshly made beds and amenities, with the chance to shed all my mental baggage for a few nights and bring out my most erotically adventurous side.
So it’s no surprise that travel lust made its way into my brand new anthology, Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 2, released this week. I didn’t set out with that plan in mind, but as I read the submissions that landed in my inbox, over and over I found a trip to be the key to starting a fling or relationship. This made perfect sense within the context of each story, and as I crafted the table of contents, I realized how perfectly each travel erotica tale fit within the greater whole. Each of these women are on an adventure, whether they know it when they start out or not, that takes them somewhere they didn’t expect to go. They don’t just “make the best of things” and muddle through, but truly use travel to learn more about themselves and avail themselves of the erotic opportunities awaiting them.
One of the travel stories in the book is “Like Lights in the Northern Sky” by Dorianne. Here’s how she describes the title phenomenon:
Green and blue waves of light pirouetted across the sky. The stars were dazzling here every night, but now they played peekaboo, constantly disappearing behind a vibrant wash of color only to reappear a second later as the real color (teal, royal blue, emerald and chartreuse green) pulsed in a different direction. Valentina stopped breathing, her entire awareness focused on the light show playing against a rich, black backdrop.
“Aurora borealis,” said one of the tourists.
“Wawasayg,” Johnny whispered in her ear.
Dorianne paints an intriguing and intimate portrait not just of this natural phenomenon, but also about the lodge owner and his wife, who are in an open relationship, and how tourist Valentina gets an unexpected but very welcome erotic introduction to the land she’s visiting.
In “Brick Dust” by Kay Jaybee, protagonist Liza, who lives in England, takes a job at a South African sandstone brick quarry, which leads to some very sexy on-the-job training. We find out she’s taken this assignment in part to escape her ex, Ryan, and his kinky requests, but in this isolated location, with hunky boss Mick, they just may be right up her alley:
Liza could picture the words her ex had written clearly despite her blindfold, she had read them so often. “He…he wanted to tease my body until I begged.”
“That’s the bit that I’ve waned about the most.” Dropping to his knees, Mick sent a shower of particles spraying across Liza’s legs. “It’s not the fact you are bound at at my mercy, but that you’er going to have to plead for me to fuck you that’s working the magic.”
The blanket of ground brick beneath Liza’s body that had initially felt like a soft mattress morphed into unyielding grime-covered earth as Mick spoke. The top layer was sticking to her back, making Liza feel as though she were a living piece of sandpaper. Each time she wriggled her back was scratched, but rather than feeling uncomfortable, it sent ripples of confused desire tripping through her veins.
Jaybee does an excellent job of making sure we get up close and personal with how aroused Liza gets by their public sex, precisely because she’s in a new environment with someone she trusts completely.
In “Volcano Nights” by Josie Jordan, strangers are thrust together when they have to share the only available room in a hotel. When I interviewed the author about the story’s origins, she told me, “There’s something inherently sexy about long-haul travel. All these strangers briefly thrown together, never to meet again.”
Indeed, the surprise layover, combined with her feelings after catching her boyfriend in bed with someone else, make Monica prone to flirting in ways she like wouldn’t be back home:
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I’m going to bed with you in a minute,” I blurted before I could help myself. To hide my embarrassment, I drained my wine.
His smile widened. “I keep thinking about that too.” His eyes sparkled.
My stomach fluttered again and I toyed with my empty glass.
For me, whenever I roll my suitcase away from home and set forth on a voyage, a part of me does step into that anything-can-happen mindset. It’s part of what, in my opinion, makes joining the mile high club so much fun. These days, I’m in a monogamous relationship, but were I to find myself on a crashing plane taking my last breaths, I have a feeling I wouldn’t be worried about propriety. While I am not too fearful about air travel, that frisson of concern and the fact that there are so many factors out of my control, have in the past helped me blurt out similar sentiments to Monica’s. It’s almost as if when we travel, we are adding a layer of sexual bravado that allows us to go where we’ve never gone before, in more than the geographic sense.
Reading itself offers a similar feeling from home, letting us virtually travel to other lands, other worlds and other people’s beds and, perhaps, letting us absorb some of the characters’ coveted bravado. If you’re curious about just what kinds of naughty adventures traveling can lead to, I hope you’ll check out Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 2, out now in print and ebook and available at your favorite local bookstore.
Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) has edited over 60 anthologies, including Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 and Volume 2, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, Begging for It, Fast Girls, The Big Book of Orgasms and more. She writes widely about sex, dating, books and pop culture and teaches erotica writing classes around the country and online. Follow her @raquelita on Twitter and find out more about her classes and consulting at eroticawriting101.com.
December 15, 2016
All I Want For Christmas is…Orgasms For Everyone
by Madeline Iva
Dear Santa: I gave a down & dirty questionnaire to the ladies at UNBOUND whose mission is to pry open your imagination… ; > …and inspire the sexual fantasies of women everywhere. Here are their replies, along with a few naughty gift ideas for that special someone–yourself.
1. What have you seen/experienced going on with sexual relations in real life that gives your job at Unbound meaning to you?
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): For me, it was going through a radiation treatment from cancer without one single doctor acknowledging that I was going through menopause or how it would affect my sex life. As I got older, I realized that, relative to male sexuality, female sexuality is often swept under the rug or dismissed. Every day at Unbound we work to acknowledge female sexuality and to provide a place where women can explore and enjoy whatever sex means to them.
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Got stocking stuffers? Ice Cube Nipple Balm–in Choco-Mint!
2. Any specific incidents you are willing to share that resulted in a ‘I’m-going-to-give-up-dating-and-go play-with-my-sex-toys-by-myself” kind of mood?
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): Unsolicited DPs are always great for that.
3. Any warnings or hilarious anecdotes about sex toys gone wrong/performing poorly? (Obviously not Unbound products, right?)
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): When I first started Unbound we kept all our inventory in a closet at our coworking space which was full of older accountants (i.e., *not* your hip coworking space, by any means). One day I went to grab something out of the closet and an entire case of bullet vibrators fell out on top of me and started actually vibrating all over the floor. Everyone in the coworking space watched as I tried to turn them all off and get them back in the closet.
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These handcuff bangles come in gold too. They come with a little bag that says “There is freedom in restraint.”
4) Explore how you wish people saw you vs. the ego-crushing reality of how your friends see you.
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): I think people often assume that the life of a startup is glamorous and truthfully it is anything but. Being responsible for a company means that it’s up to you to make things happen — this can mean anything from spending weekends in a warehouse to answering customer service emails at 2am. That’s not to say I don’t love it (I DO!) but it’s like having a baby — you love that baby and you’d do anything for it, but there are many times when you just want to get some damn sleep.
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Gasp! Bondage Tape $8. F*** yeah.
5) Do you all live in NYC? I hear it’s brutal there in terms of finding love. Care to share any stories that contradict this/validate this hypothesis?
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): I love dating in NYC because there’s always the opportunity for serendipitous romance. I was walking in Washington Square Park a couple months ago and a guy ran up to me and insisted on getting my number and going out on a date. I’m pretty sure he was homeless because when he showed up for the date he had all his belongings with him but it was still romantic! (Note from Madeline–See Arrested Development, Season Two where Lindsay dates Tom Jane.) Similarly, I fell off my bike a month ago and my license went flying and the guy who helped me look for it ended up asking me out. Only in New York can you fall off your Citibike and look like a complete idiot and end up with a date.
6) Snap-chat? Tinder? How are cutting edge gals like yourself hooking up these days? Any advice? Words of caution?
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): Sometimes I use Bumble, I like that the power to start the conversation is in the hands of the woman. But honestly the swiping is exhausting and I struggle to find dedicated time for the polite small talk and vetting. In my experience, romance and sex and love have a way of finding me when I’m least looking for it, and that’s kind of how I like it.
7) Finish this sentence: In a future world of perfect sexual equality and empowerment we’d all be….
POLLY (CEO of UNBOUND): …having orgasms daily.
Thanks Polly! Now we turn to Lorraine—
1) What have you seen/experienced going on with sexual relations in real life that gives your job at Unbound meaning to you?
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION): I find it tragic that so many people are afraid to try or ask for things in bed that they might be curious about or even know they find pleasurable from having experimented alone, simply because they are concerned that their partner or their friends may judge them to be somehow deviant or weird. Because we’re all so different, finding out what works for you is by nature a trial and error proposition and if you’re only willing to try the narrow sliver of things that are conventional the odds are that you’re not going to experience as much pleasure as perhaps you could.
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Ladies, it’s a vagina pillow. Are those feathers? No, they’re little, tiny, vaginas…
2) Any specific incidents you are willing to share that resulted in a ‘I’m-going-to-give-up-dating-and-go play-with-my-sex-toys-by-myself” kind of mood?
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION): When I encounter people who are excruciatingly boring, humorless or otherwise terrible I can seldom make it past a second drink and often turn heel to do exactly that. If everything is “epic”, if you think that “all lives matter”, if you show up in *that* goddamn gingham J Crew shirt and proceed to talk about your love of IPAs I’d rather listen to the buzz of a hitachi than your nattering on.
3) Any warnings or hilarious anecdotes about sex toys gone wrong/performing poorly? (Obviously not Unbound products, right?)
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION):I was once giving someone an erotic massage and reached for what I thought was oil, but which turned out to be clitoral stimulant- something I only belatedly realized after having already slathered it on my subject’s back. Their skin started to get red and warm and I tried to play it off as having been a warming massage oil. Whoops.
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Unbound has really cool curated boxes. This is a menopause box — click to buy.
4) Explore how you wish people saw you vs. the ego-crushing reality of how your friends see you.
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION): I’m a total Instagram whore and so someone only viewing me through that lens would probably think my life is leisurely travel and fancy cocktails. But the reality is I’m always glued to my phone or laptop working, no matter where I am and that I only sleep like 4-5 hours any given night. Working all the time with so many deadlines and things to juggle can mean that I’m often looking to get to the point in conversation and sometimes social niceties can fall by the wayside. While in my mind I’m also an outgoing, open-minded, fun-loving person, my friends would probably say I can be a little (ok, strike that, very) blunt, cynical and overloud in public spaces and polite company. I’m pretty sure it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older but it’s made me appreciate the friends who stick by me despite my coal black heart and sharp tongue all the more.
5) Do you all live in NYC? I hear it’s brutal there in terms of finding love. Care to share any stories that contradict this/validate this hypothesis?
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION): I’m by no means the first to point this out but it’s a double-edged sword. On the one hand there are a multiplicity of options- with 9+ million people to choose from (more if you count the B&T crowd I guess) you can basically find every combination of body type, personality, career etc. On the other hand, because everyone knows they have options, people are more reluctant to get emotionally invested in who they date and can tend to treat people as disposable. Ghosting is a big problem (which isn’t to say I’ve never done it)- but I get it. Why settle down with one person when the entire city is at your feet? It’s a hard sell.
6) Snap-chat? Tinder? How are cutting edge gals like yourself hooking up these days? Any advice? Words of caution?
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION): I like to meet people in person at events or through friends I know to be a better judge of character than I am, whenever possible. But apps are alright- though I don’t really read into matches much because some people just mindlessly swipe right. My litmus test is much more the conversation- I can usually tell in few lines of interchange whether someone is passably witty, funny, not deterred by something like Unbound etc. Of course apps introduce the risk of getting catfished (which fortunately has only happened to me once, albeit in hilarious fashion: the guy turned out to be four feet tall and he talked in a high-pitched movie villain German accent just like Dr. Strangelove. Yikes.
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I love how when you go to Unbound’s Shop page, Anal is the first category. I love how this anal stimulator is called MOODY. I love how it resembles an evil gnome, ready to kill you with orgasms.
In any event I try to look for people who seem progressive and comfortably self-assured, because such things typically bode well for more confidence and open-mindedness in the bedroom. Unfortunately until we life in a dystopian nightmare where there is a Yelp for people’s sexual prowess, however, you never know what you’re working with until you know.
7) Finish this sentence: In a future world of perfect sexual equality and empowerment we’d all be….
LORRAINE (HEAD of CURATION):…less stressed, uptight and more willing to try things.
December 13, 2016
Have Yourself A Kinky Little Christmas
Wanna celebrate with me?
Egad, can it be? Are we seriously saying that Christmas is the end of next week???!! Gaaah!! If you haven’t finished your shopping, there’s no time to waste. Stop binge watching Master of None and focus, people, focus! And yet…what to get? What would he love to receive? What should you do that he’d remember? Relax and rest easy, friends. Lady Smut is here with some decidedly smutty ideas to get you either 1) in the proper frame of mine to ignore rude, pushy shoppers at the mall; or 2) in the proper frame of mine to imagine what you and your gift receiver are going to do with your bounty. So get going!
1. Tis better to give than receive, right? We all know that. So instead of loading up on material gifts from the mall, how about giving your man a gift you can keep on giving? One he’s truly going to remember? And just what is this marvelous idea? Why, your supreme new techniques on pleasuring his balls, of course.
The delicate scrotum is to some women nothing but a scary sack of mystery. Should you touch it? Would he like it? Yes, and yes, according to an interview with Metro.com, in which the interviewer rounded up a bunch of guys and simply asked them what they like done with those gonads. Imagine that. The responses uniformly stressed the importance of remembering the delicacy of the family jewels. Treat them as if they’re “made of glass,” said one bloke, since they are “delicate souls” another reminds us. Still and all, soft stroking, licking, kissing, and cupping all made the list, so if this is the kind of selfless gift you’d like to bestow upon your guy, here’s the link for the tips.
2. Pull together a soundtrack for two. Getting your jiggy on is more fun when you can bump and grind to sultry beats, so why not present him with a customized playlist just for the two of you, fire it up and head for nirvana. Or Nirvana. According to Spotify, the #1 song in 2016 to have sex to is Rihanna’s Sex With Me. So there’s that. However, if it just so happens that you loathe that song (I’m just sayin’), Time Out New York put out earlier this year their list of 50 Best Sex Songs of All Time. We all know that music preference can vary wildly, but this list has a pretty wide range, with tunes from Lady B to Bobby D (Dillon, that is) and loads of artists in between. Get some inspiration from the list and then go inspire him.
3. If you’re hankering for a getaway where clothing is optional – and really, who wouldn’t? – why not give you both a vacation and splurge on the world’s “most iconic playground,” Hedonism II. With the tagline, Your Pleasure is our Passion, the adults only, clothing-optional resort lets you bring out your wild child. There are shows, bands, nightclubs, water sports – and theme nights! Ranging from hedonistic school girl to bare as you dare to fetish night, they aim to bring out the true meaning of hedonism, “the pursuit of pleasure and sensual self-indulgence.” Vice writer Anna Pulley said in a recent article that she learned to love her body at Hedonism II so really, how bad can that be? Book by December 20th and get a special “lust price.” I’m lusting already.
4. Some miscellaneous sexy ideas, in no particular order:
Butt table. It’s a table. With a picture of a butt on it.
Fur oil. Whether you’re bare down there or you’ve got a garden you tend, give it some love with fur oil. Sold on Gwyneth Paltrow’s site, Goop (where else?), for only $39 a little dab will do ya to soften and condition either the hair or the skin in your most private of regions.
Organic, fair trade-certified condoms, lubes, and wipes from Sustain. Oh, and they donate 10% of pretax profits to women without access to healthcare, so you can not only feel awesome about buying these products, you can be awesome by helping the cause.
Pine Pollen aphrodisiac. Mix it in a smoothie, or into tea. It’ll make you go whee!! Or not. Who knows. But it claims to be a potent aphrodisiac so it could be worth a try. At the very least, it’ll be fun to find out whether it works.
So there you have it. A few gift suggestions for making the season bright. Wishing you a very kinky holiday from all of us at Lady Smut.
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