Andy Smart's Blog, page 4

Cross China Road Trip 01: Beijing > Hebei > Inner Mongolia: Maximum Freedom & Genghis Khan

Best Service Station: Inner Mongolia G6 Expressway 400 miles from Beijing

All the years of dreaming, slow build-up and preparation and it’s finally happening. Just incredible to be able to look back and reflect on that part of the journey now; I thought it would never end.

Exiting the toll gate and pulling out onto the G6, weeks of worry and sleepless nights give way to excitement of the highest order and I start shouting behind the wheel at the top of my voice in the cab

YES YES COME ON!

I’m really diving across China!

 

 

 

Filed under: China, Chinese Provinces, Cross China Road Trip, On the Road Tagged: adventure, blog, blogging, China, Land Cruiser, life, Photography, Solo travel, Travel, travel tales, travelogue

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Cross China Road Trip: 10,000 Miles Ahead & One Tent Peg

click to enlarge

Well it’s taken long enough but at long last all that needs to be done is move the massive amount of gear from the apartment down into the back of the Land Cruiser that’s parked out front and its offski!

I can’t quite believe that the time has finally arrived and I don’t think it’ll truly sink in until I’m on the road.

Complete freedom awaits!

So the plan is to drive from East to Western China. Touch wood the trip’ll take me through at least eight provinces over two months; Inner Mongolia, Ningxia Autonomous Region, Gansu, Xinjiang, Qinghai, Shanxi, Henan and Shandong.

I’ll be living out of the jeep mostly having found a foldable bed that fits snugly inside or in an as yet untested tent. I easily admit to being addicted to Chinese hotels so will definitely be heading for luxury in every major along the way to get the laundry done. Ahhh room service!

Yes it’s a beast

It’s been a mad ride in itself to get to this point. I remember back in 2005 when I left China how different travelling was. For me it was a trolley bag, two bank cards, an e-mail address while attempting to find somewhere that could burn my meager number of photos on to a CD for storage.

This time nearly all of my stuff has been bought online which meant at times the door bell was constantly ringing as package after package arrived. Often the same package would be sent back leading to a stressful waste of time reordering from somewhere else. One time I got a single tent peg instead of the ten I’d ordered. Double wrapped in corrugated cardboard, one can only speculate as to what whoever sent it was thinking at the time. The same also happened with a single bungee hook and a single roof rack ratchet strap. Maybe they had a ‘send one item at a time’ policy. Among many other minor annoyances I bought a small mirror only to find that upon unboxing, someone had put a sticky label right in the middle of it AAAAAAGH!

I also seem to have an unreasonably large number of electrical cables for just about everything. Rechargeable this and USB that; I have a whole box of the things. And there was me with my CD player and twenty quid camera from Argos back in 2005.

CLICK HERE FOR INVENTORY LIST PDF

Reservations and Worries

Everyone lives with the what ifs and the maybes and in this case you can multiply it all by one hundred:

Xinjiang is dangerous. Everyone has their own opinion on this topic here in China which they are happy to voice even in the face of my imminent departure. Han Chinese say that the South of Xinjiang should be avoided at all costs but to be honest can’t actually tell me why even when I push them for some accuracy. On the other hand, any Xinjiang ren will always say that it is definitely not dangerous while also looking a bit pissed off about the topic. I must say that views from local expats who live over there also say that there are no problems.
There are checkpoints all over the place in the South of Xinjiang. Keep your cameras firmly out of sight and your legal documents at hand. “Wo bus hi jizhe” means “I am not a journalist”.
There are lots of places on the itinerary where petrol stations are scarce and the Land Cruiser is a very hungry beast. I’ve included two 5 gallon petrol cans for iffy parts of the journey but I reckon I’ll be spending most of my time looking at the fuel gage with earnest.
My knowledge on motor mechanics is really crap. Having said that the same goes for nearly all drivers around here. I recently borrowed a friend’s car. I asked how I opened up the bonnet/hood but to my surprise he didn’t know. “Why do you want to know that?” was his strange reply.
My Chinese speaking level is still crap. Mind you these days it is enough to get by.
Dangerous mountain passes lie ahead!

Ok that’s it. I’ll be posting regularly here and on YouTube so it would be awesome to see you over there as well (big up thanks to Bruce on https://whatisbruceupto.com/ for all your iPad knowledge mate).

 

Monday morning, touch wood I’ll be putting the keys in the ignition.

Not a bad way to start the week I guess!

 

Filed under: China, On the Road Tagged: adventure, Andy Smart, Asia, China, featured, jeep, Land Cruiser, life, Travel, travel tales, travelogue, wilderness, Xinjiang

Kai Che Driving Phrasebook: China (Free Download)

Dear amazing followers. As most of you know, touch wood I’ll be heading the road for an optimistic 10,000 miles across China to Xinjiang and then the rest. Being my Chinese ability is as shaky as Southern Rail’s timetable I thought it more than urgent to throw together this phrasebook in case of various calamities that may happen along the way.

I’m putting it up as a free download. Bear in mind it’s a pocket book so you’ll need to find a printers that can do it. I had to go to three places before I could get it printed out.

This is not a ‘professional’ guide book in any way rather I’ve tried to include what I think may be the most useful vocab’ and phrases for the trip.

 

 

click to enlarge

click to enlarge

If you’re already on the road in China then no doubt your Chinese speaking will be up to speed so there are still many basic things in here that no doubt you will already know. The problem is, where one person may understand your Chinese, another may be completely confused and we all know how annoying that can be right? For this reason, things have also been translated into Chinese characters so at the very least you can just hold the book up to someone and show it to them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PDF

Wishing you an awesome and successful ride across the PRC.

Zu Ni Hao Yun

Filed under: China, On the Road, Writing Tagged: adventure, Asia, blog, blogging, China, Chinese phrasebook, Driving, driving in China, free, Travel, travel tales, Travel tips

10 Reasons Why Travelling is a Terrible Idea: Tormented by the Negative Voices from My Subconscious

Before we go on an adventure we all have our demons.

So with the countdown clock ticking to D-Day one would naturally expect a certain level of excitement to be building right? After all, I will be hitting the road for ten weeks, right across China from The East over to Xinjiang in The West, back to Beijing and then some; the result of two to three years of methodical planning. Actually the reality is, life is often a sea of doubt created by my subconscious ‘other-half’ where only occasionally do I manage to raise my head above the surface to gasp for air.

I must admit that at times my subconscious does have its uses. If I can’t remember something then hey presto an hour or a day later it’ll just pop into my head at any given time. Aside from that though, it seemingly has no other function other than to project negative actions into my head as often as possible.

My subconscious is a clever entity and applies its negativity in multiple successive attacks whispering “Don’t Do It” in a variety of ways. It has a number of different voices, some of them sound utterly ridiculous but then again it knows what I’m like and how to exploit all of my weaknesses:

01: You will miss your creature comforts. This focuses on my bed, pillows, fridge and its contents. Beijing is cushty with a capital ‘C’ and that’s all there is to it really. OMG how are you going to survive without these things? The trip is going to be a living nightmare!
02: It’s really inconvenient. God this is such a chore. Building up the inventory and having to rush around everywhere sorting so much stuff out, blaaagh! And then you’re actually going to be driving away from Beijing. What the hell do you want to do that for? Yawn! The first few days are just going to be such a pain in the arse; a tedious tedious chore where you could instead be at home watching a film or keeping up with your social media, sigh!
03: You will fail. What’s the point of going if you’re just going to have to come back after a few days having been unable to overcome your first obstacle? As you limp the jeep back into Beijing people will line the streets laughing and throwing rotting vegetables at you. You will then have to reluctantly call the boss and ask if you can come back to work; more humiliation! Oh Lord, it’s so not worth the risk.

The Mingyong Glacier from another 5000m pass. Lhasa to Zhongdian: The most dangerous bit of mountain road I’ve experienced to date.

04: You will suffer a catastrophe. Actually there is some air of truth to this one as the trip will take me through a number of mountain passes. I’ve

Lhasa to Zhongdian: Never a dull moment

already done my fair share of Chinese mountain passes and know full well what lies ahead, admittedly then with a professional at the wheel already familiar with the roads. Chinese mountain roads do not get any more dangerous. Once your over the side then that’s it and that’s all there is too it. The golden rule is, keep away from the edge! If something big is coming in the other direction stop and let them pass, even if it screws up the bodywork of your vehicle. Other worries are the police, especially in Southern Xinjiang, theft, an accident on the highway and some calamity on the Southern Silk Road past the desert.
05: You will be lonely. Oh no, you won’t meet anyone the whole time. No one will talk to you. You will start talking to yourself like a madman (well what’s new?). You know you’ll suffer big time culture shock. It’s a different world outside of Beijing. Everyone will stare at you. People will chase you out of their village; the unwelcome foreign tourist who shouldn’t be taking photos.


06: You are too old to be doing this sort of thing. It’s irresponsible! Travelling is for young people! You know what it’s like. Bars full of loud tourists all getting drunk all night doing tequila slammers in a line down the bar while you dive for cover and look for a quiet drinking hole where you can self-indulgently contemplate the meaning of life.

“Where were you last night?”

“Oh I just had a quiet one” he says with just a touch of greyness.

In terms of travelling at this age you have no stamina left and your down-legs on mountain hikes left the premises years ago. It takes you longer to heal these days and if you get sick you may not survive, alone in the jeep in the middle of the desert slowly fading away with just your athlete’s foot to keep you conscious (I don’t have AF btw honestly)

07: This whole thing is really unexciting. Look mate, nothing exciting or interesting is going to happen during this sad-arsed trip. I mean look at the map, it’s utterly pointless. Boring boring boring!

08: It’s a waste of money. All this time saving up and now you’re blowing it with no way of recuperation. When you come back you’ll be as skint as usual and will have to start saving up all over again. Blowing all your money on something with no form of financial return is insane beyond belief. Kids blow their money like this you complete idiot.

09: This whole thing is really depressing. The way to happiness is by not travelling anywhere but by sticking to your routine. Also you will be able to go shopping in the Mall and buy some new clothes or a new phone like everyone else then go to a restaurant having received your temporary boost of retail therapy and talk about your purchases.

10: Persistent depressing songs and tunes that plague me. This is not a reason but rather my subconscious cement in the brick wall numbering from 01 to 09. It’s a super-ingenious cunning way for all negative impulses to be brought together in one harmonious and continuous assault on my brain. For three days now I have had ‘Becalmed’ by Brian Eno from the album ‘Another Green World’ going round and round in my head. It’s even edited it so the tune starts from 1.13 minutes when it’s at its most melancholy. I haven’t thought about this track in over thirty years but hey presto, my subconscious has magically managed to select the most depressing tune known to mankind playing it over and over again.

Click here to share my three day torment > Jump to 1.13 > Oh Lord please make it stop.

Hey ho. Despite all this I’m pressing on as methodically as anyone possibly can be. The jeep has just had new tyres put on it and my place is rapidly filling up with gear for the trip. I can’t find any waterproof tents but I found a place that sells tomato puree in tubes so that’s a result and a half. Today I bought two 4 gallon petrol cans, an axe and a pair of wellies as you do, (rain boots if you’re from America I guess).

Its gonna be amazing. Bring it on!

Filed under: China, On the Road Tagged: adventure, Asia, behavior, behaviour, blog, blogging, change, China, hope, life, Travel, travel tales, travelogue

For the Love of Blog: WordPress Friends Never Leave You

I’ve had a number of revelations recently regarding blogging. After years of struggling to find what it’s all about and being blocked by the Great Firewall at every turn, things have accelerated like Road Runner after downing a super-sized coke in one go. Meep Meep!

Friends & Community

I love people visiting my website. It’s like the landline ringing or someone knocking on your door stopping by for a chat and a cup of tea.
I love visiting other people’s sites. Each place I go to has its own unique feel about it. It’s easy to appreciate the time and love that someone goes into creating their own site; the tinkering and readjusting until its right. I can now understand the time and effort that goes into a single post; the detail.
Blogging allows you to express yourself like no other medium. I have WP ‘Community’ and RSS lists. Together they contain the widest range of interests and talent you can imagine. Who said it was important to have a target audience? Poppycock! Ha! There are poets, writers, photographers, cat lovers, musicians, model makers, artists, psychic and paranormal investigators, travellers and people who describe what’s just outside their back door from places I’ve never heard of on that list. There are people that pour their heart out in a manner that allows us to at least absorb a part of what they are feeling in that moment. I can only stand back with admiration of people’s work. Unbelievable!
I am also surprised at how positive and friendly everyone is. There are no egos floating around. People like your post because they genuinely do. It sounds a strange thing to say but compare it to a like on Facebook and they’re light-years apart.
Followers never leave you, well rarely. If you’re not around they wait. For me I even wonder where people are if they haven’t posted for a while. I had to walk away from Justurnleft for months not so long back and when I returned I had virtually the same number of followers as before. 
I’ve experienced a kindness as well. People are genuinely helpful, sharing links, re-blogging and offering advice. Recently I discovered that the slider on my Bromley theme changed images way too fast. I went onto the WP support and posted a request for advice only to be answered by the creator of the theme himself Binarymoon. Incredibly, he went to his desk and changed the speed of the whole theme. If you’re using Bromley and the slider has slowed down it’s my fault. Sorry!
The biggest kindness rush I’ve had though has to be undoubtedly the help that Jason AKA Opinionated Man has given me and other indie authors. I mean help and trust mixed together in the same tikka masala of the highest order. I must say that such selflessness doesn’t come about very often.

Myself

It allows me to write lists with bullet points and not worry about repeating myself, breaking the cardinal rule of all book writing. Ha!
I love the excitement of hitting the publish tab when you’ve finished a new post, to sit back with satisfaction and see it on your site and how different it now looks.
My blog is my own little world I go to like a second home. It kinda reminds me of my Dad’s garden shed. Filled with various tools and paraphernalia, he would be out there in the back garden for hours absorbed by his model building
I’ve always suffered with anxiety problems. I had a huge spike last week which rendered me useless for twenty four hours, phew! I don’t get that here among my online friends. I’m free from any such burden and it’s such a relief.
I’m inspired to go out and research. That’s an awesome one in itself.

If you like my post, I’ll drop by and check yours out as well. If I like it, it  means I really do!

If you follow I’ll follow back. If you go away I’ll wait for you and wonder where you went.

If you follow don’t forget to add me to your Twitter and say hi. I always looks to see what my WP friends have been up to on Twitter and often RT. I’m @AndySmart01.

See you there and happy blogging!

Ha!

 

Filed under: Real lives Tagged: behavior, behaviour, blog, blogging, change, friends, life, love, photograhy, poetry, thoughts, Travel, twitter, Writing

Dinner at Your Own Risk: Chengdu, Sichuan Province, SW China

So Rui shows up with her sister Xiao Xiao and after introductions they take me out to a local restaurant to sample the legendary Chengdu hot pot or ‘Huo Guo’.  In China, Chengdu is famous for this and there are hot pot houses everywhere. If you ask anyone, anywhere, what is the most well-known dish in the country, it will always get the vote. I always thought that hot pot was something that your Mum does in a casserole dish, (yeah right!) What anyone has neglected to tell me is that huo guo translates into ‘Fire Dish’.

 In the taxi I ask them why people drive with such lunacy here. “They seem to swerve without looking. I’ve never seen driving as bad as this anywhere”.

“Actually you are mistaken.” bats Rui. “It is because they are so skillful. Chengdu drivers are some of the best in the world.” she boasts.

“Does that mean I can relax when the driver turns wildly into a busy main road without looking? They must have special intuitive powers” I think skeptically.     “Do you like Sichuan food?” asks Xiao Xiao from the front seat.

“I’ve only had the food in the guesthouse so far. So I don’t really know. Does that count?”

Rui then leans closer to her sister, says a few sentences in Chinese and both of them burst out laughing. Feeling a bit left out of the loop, I enquire what the joke is about. “You are in China, but haven’t had Sichuan food before?” adds Xiao Xiao.

“No, this is my first time.” and at that, big grins appear across their faces until they start laughing again. Even the taxi driver gets in on it, having I assume, asked what was so funny. In the end he too is roaring with laughter while McIdiot here sits there trying to smile through the whole thing.

“Well I am sure you will find this will be an experience you will not forget” says Rui in a slightly patronising tone, holding back the hysterics.

 

Entering the restaurant, I follow behind the girls wondering what is about to happen with a rising sense of concern. The first thing I notice is that the table has a hole in it about the size of a washing-up bowl and a gas burner underneath. A large stainless steel basin divided into two halves is brought in and placed carefully in the hole. One part of the basin has a white broth with vegetables and half a fish in it. The other part contains a dark crimson soup with a million chillies or ‘la jiao’ floating in it. There is also traditional ‘Chinese medicine’ in there that looks like seed pods of some kind. The waiter then brings over a plate of maybe a quarter-kilo of thick bright red chilli paste loaded with seeds on a plate and scrapes the whole thing in too. The flame is then lit under the table and the soup remains boiling away throughout.

“My God! We’re not really going to be eating that? I fret in disbelief. “That could actually be quite dangerous”.

“Don’t worry. I think Westerners aren’t used to such spicy food. You can always have the fish soup. It’s very mild” reassures Rui, having seen my growing straight-faced look of seriousness.

“I don’t like fish, but it’s ok. We English love it spicy,” I declare defensively, referring to our love of Indian food. “I can handle it”.

Raw meat and vegetables on separate plates are ordered, including a selection of tofu from a trolley. Platter after platter of  raw foods come to the table such as potato, cauliflower, Chinese cabbage, ‘Ou’ (lotus root) and a variety of greens all sliced and ready to go. Various cuts of meat including duck’s stomach and duck’s throat appear.

“I hope you’re hungry. We’ve ordered a lot of food.” says Xiao Xiao before giving me my first lesson. “Take something in your ‘kuaizi’ (chopsticks) and put it into the soup…like this. It’s so hot, everything cooks very quickly. The meat doesn’t take long. Try the duck’s stomach. It’s delicious”. Taking out the now grey rubbery meat from the broth, she then dips it into a brown bowl of sesame paste before downing it.

The duck’s throat. Click to enlarge

I’ve never been a great stomach eater but go along with it, trying to hide my reluctance. Blowing on it in a hope of cooling it down before the moment of truth, the girls watch intently as I pop it into my mouth hoping I won’t wretch and embarrass myself. At first it doesn’t seem so bad. Though it is still red hot temperature-wise and chewy as hell it’s not so bad. The sesame really makes a difference. Suddenly the chillies kick in though. A searing acid rips down my throat and up my nose followed by the weirdest combination of tongue numbing tastes presumably from the medicine. I contort uncontrollably while my eyes water.

“Are you ok?” chuckles Rui; a look of satisfaction across her face.

“I’m fine” I splutter, wiping my nose with a tissue.

“You can’t stop now. It gets better the more you eat it. Try the duck’s throat”. Duck’s throat is especially nasty looking since it resembles a giant coiled up red and white glistening worm on the plate. It’s actually cut into three foot lengths, which Xiao Xiao shows me how to eat. You have to hold it up at arm’s length with the chopsticks before dunking into the hotpot. Some task eating that as you lower the quivering steaming tentacle into your wide open mouth. Never again I can tell you.

Rui and Xiao Xiao keep eating for over an hour without showing any signs of discomfort until every bit of food has been cleared. Talk about having a cast-iron stomach. I, on the other hand, last about fifteen minutes before the chilli gets the better of me. To top it all, the whole meal is washed down with a big jug of prune juice which they say “is very good for the digestion”.

While writing this, my head is still spinning with weird tastes and aromas, my nose and sinuses are on fire and my guts have followed suit by shutting down all normal functions. It is by far the hottest thing you will ever experience.

You can always tell when a Western person has just eaten hot pot. As they walk through the door of the guesthouse, a red face, streaming nose, mouth open and that ‘about to sneeze’ look is always a dead giveaway! That and an accompanying air of helplessness.

 

Excerpt from Just Turn Left at the Mountain, Trials & Tribulations Meandering Across Chinese Borders by Andy Smart.

Filed under: China, Chinese Provinces, Humour, On the Road Tagged: Asia, blog, blogging, China, Chinese Culture, food, humor, LOL, Travel, travel tales, travelogue

WeChat Has Taken Over China: Please Stop Looking at Your Phone While I’m Talking to You

All photos from unknown artist: Taken from WeChat. If anyone knows the link, would be happy to add.

The mindlessness of mobile phone overuse is a well-worn topic these days. It is however, something that has in recent years, accelerated in China to the point of being a phenomenon worth worrying about. The other day I saw a guy with

‘Fuck your phone keep your head’

defiantly written on his t-shirt. “Yes!” I thought “At least there are still a few of around.” At that moment he stopped, pulled out his phone and proceeded to walk across the road without even looking until a car swerved out of the way and blasted its horn for an unbroken five seconds. As the car sped past he returned to his phone, neck bent still utterly absorbed.

In China the issue is a mixed bag really. There are countless positives to be had from it. The big one is WeChat. Everyone uses it without exception. Texts and calls are all free. I haven’t paid for a call or text in years. It also includes free video calls and sending of photos while people will often send brief audio messages instead of calling. You can even pay for things in any shop using WeChat and I mean without the use of a credit card. With WeChat you can send people money in a digital Chinese red envelope ‘hongbao’ and it immediately goes into their WeChat wallet. You can pay taxi drivers just by scanning their identity code and sending them a hongbao. Amazing hey?

The problem, as Mr Fuck Your Phone so clearly demonstrated, is that people are losing their ability to think. Wherever you go you’ll be surrounded by neck-bent people who will walk right into you if you don’t give way. On the subway everyone has the same ringtone or text tone which can be heard every thirty seconds or so. As a rough guestimate at least fifty percent of passengers on board will be on WeChat down the whole length of the carriage. The remaining phone users will be playing games while a few will be actually reading something worthwhile. Those with no phone may well be peering over the shoulder of their neighbour watching what they are doing. Phew!

Other noticeable areas of life are people on the treadmill at the gym holding their phone, in the hairdressers while they are getting their hair done, in the restaurant while waiting for the food to arrive and a large number who drive and use WeChat at the same time. In the park people line the benches using WeChat. Last night I saw a couple lovingly sharing a single phone while surfing their contacts. A friend of mine said that his girlfriend will immediately reach over to her phone moments after they’ve just finished having sex to surf her WeChat. People who go outside for a cigarette are no longer contented with only smoking. Yes these days it’s a ciggie in one hand and WeChat in the other. The other day I saw a couple walking down the road hand in hand all the while with heads bent down, their phones glued  their faces having long since thrown the idea of communication out of the fifteenth storey window.

Of course most non-users are the late-middle aged to elderly folk who developed brains long before cell phones were invented. These people demonstrate creativity that is worryingly in danger of disappearing in the next few years. They play board games in groups, play traditional instruments, do square dancing, exercise or sit together talking. How they manage to live without the latest app heaven only knows.

As a teacher I engage in a daily battle from keeping my students off of WeChat and focused on the task at hand. I even got a poster put up with the WeChat icon superimposed with a red road ‘prohibited’ circle and stripe across it. Despite this students still hide their phone under the desk or in the middle of an open book with the cover up so I can’t see it. I have to confiscate phones from perpetual offenders with one student even telling a colleague to fuck himself after a second reminder. Some students refuse to use a notebook, instead taking a photo of the whiteboard using their phone at the end of the class with a single snap, something I find highly infuriating.  

Oh yes and there is another interesting off-shoot to all this; the ‘Phone Holders’. While a pocket or bag is clearly available these people will sit there phone in hand while not actually using it. What’s all that about then? Are they just really popular? Are they waiting on an important life changing call that they dare not miss? Hmmm, I don’t think so. Maybe it’s an attempt to appear to be popular, wanted, the centre-pin of a vast overlapping set of social circles that require their utmost attention, ‘Wow look. They’re always on the phone. They must have such a dynamic lifestyle!’

Phone Holders are everywhere; sat on the subway or walking down the road solo or in groups. I now think that it’s a combination of elements such as phone addiction, showing off one’s identity, maintaining a feeling that you fit in with society plus some deep insecurity whereby one has to be seen to be doing something with one’s hands. Most people can’t walk down the road without having one hand occupied. Are you one of these people? I take my hat off to those brave souls who are confident enough to walk with both hands free, hair blown back in the wind, ha!

Also time yourself and see just how long you can wait, standing at the side of the street for a bus or friend to arrive, with your arms and hands naturally down at your sides doing nothing. I dare you! Do it when your with your mates if your up for a laugh.

I admit I do feel very self-conscious when I’m not holding anything as I walk down the street. I experimented holding the end strap of my rucksack and other non-visible things like my keys and it took the edge off noticeably.

The next phase: So where’s all this going then? Actually I envisage nothing short of some dark sci-fi nightmare where people have a watch or similar item linked to a set of contact lenses. People won’t need to hold anything, just stare blankly in a seated line on the subway talking to themselves.

 

Filed under: China, Chinese Culture Tagged: behavior, behaviour, blog, blogging, China, Chinese Culture, life, Photography, Travel, travel tales, travelogue, WeChat, Writing

Three Months in Swindon: A Chinese Adventure in the UK

So I’m chatting to my friend Zhen Lei Wei aka Eric, when he mentions that he’s been over to the UK.

“Oh really,” I reply with interest “Where did you stay?”

“In Swindon. It was very beautiful there.”

I have to admit that whenever I chat to Eric he has a habit of instantly putting a smile on my face usually leading to uncontrolled laughter and today is no exception. He’s such a good bloke!

Without downing Swindon too much it’s hardly comparable to the sweeping countryside of Salisbury Plain or the Cotswold stone architecture of Bath Spa. Indeed Swindon is known mainly both for its complex and confusing traffic system (often referred to as ‘the Magic Roundabout’) and also being one of the blandest places in the country. In a survey in the Daily Telegraph it was voted as the number one worst place to live saying that “in the entire universe, nowhere is more inimical to life than Swindon Bus Station”.

“So how long did you stay there for?”

“Oh three months” grins Eric.

“Three months?” I laugh in disbelief.

“Yes but we did change our hotel. First we lived in the Holiday Inn but we wanted to see as much as Swindon as possible so we stayed in hotels in the north, west and finally one in the east of the city.”

At this point I’m already awash with a feel-good factor as if I’m listening to a world class comedian who’s in the zone.

Tx to Cosmopolitan.co.uk

“So why did you live in Swindon of all places?”

“Oh my company was doing business there and it was a long job. We had to hire a car which was very frightening.”

“For sure. I know driving in another country is always a nerve-wracking experience.”

“Yes and also I’d only recently passed my driving test in China. I had ten hours driving experience in total. For a week before we hired the car, my colleague and I would stand outside and make notes in a book on how to drive in England. On my first day people got angry because I was driving less than thirty miles an hour. They were honking their horns and flashing their lights. When we came home from work we didn’t realise what the time was and it was dark. I had never driven in the dark before and I was very scared. I was worried about the situation but then I had a good idea at that time. I pressed the warning light button and people went past us and I continued.”

“So what did you eat while you were there?”

“We had pizza!”

“What else did you have though?”

“Oh we had pizza most days. I think four or five times a week. It was at a Pizza hut because there was always one nearby.”

“Did you eat chips?”

“Fish and chips? Yes, it was very delicious.”

“Ok and what did you do for entertainment in the evenings and weekends?”

“Well at last I found the free parking and went to the railway museum. We went shopping and I also found several libraries. I went there often. Maybe to every library in Swindon,” says Eric with pride.

“You know after a month my colleague got very homesick. He telephoned the boss in China and said he was ill and should come home immediately. The boss didn’t believe him and asked him what the matter was. He said he felt dizzy. Finally the boss sent another colleague to Swindon as an emergency. He wanted to see the football so we went to see a match.”

“That’s great. Who were Swindon playing?”

“Oh we went to see Man…Man…” Eric struggled

“Manchester?” I prompted in surprise.

“Yes that’s right. We got up very early at five o’clock in the morning and I drove from Swindon to Manchester.”

“That’s amazing. Did you have tickets? Who were they playing?”

“Oh there are two Manchester teams and they were playing together. We already had tickets but when we got there we discovered that the match was in the evening. This was very inconvenient so we decided to drive to Liverpool and watch the match there instead.”

Now howling with laughter I seek to confirm the madness that Eric’s just told me. “So you had tickets to see the Manchester derby right? Manchester United versus Manchester City right? And you left one of the biggest games in the football calendar because the match time was inconvenient?”

“Yes and we couldn’t find Liverpool. We were lost. We drove around for a long time and took the wrong road. Finally we gave up to go to Liverpool stadium and returned to Swindon. We were very tired because it was eleven o’clock and I had been driving for eighteen hours.

When we got back we had pizza!”

Filed under: China, Chinese Culture, Humour, Real lives Tagged: backpackers, backpacking, blog, blogging, China, humor, life, Photography, Travel, travel tales, travelogue

Dear Amazing Followers: Surrounded by Piles of Notes & Living the Dream

It’s been a month since I last posted anything but hey, I still have exactly the same number of followers as back then. Absolutely no one has unfollowed me. Fantastic!

Truth be told I’ve been story-boarding a series of fictional books that have been in my mind since 2004; my ultimate goal in life. It’s all I’ve been doing; sleeping surrounded by notes and rough drafts; going for long walks to get things into perspective; in a continual state of existence every moment of the day while my subconscious works away unravelling problems and searing for solutions. It’s amazing seeing it coming to life after all this time, especially my characters.

I reckon another few weeks and it’ll be business as per usual on WP and planning for the next trip across China. The thing is with WP is it takes me a week of focus and directed energy to do a post and I can’t afford to break this concentrated uninterrupted flow that I’m in right now.

If I haven’t dropped by your way for a while I do apologize. It’s not through disinterest or anything like that. I just need to see my ultimate dream start to take shape.

Wishing you all the very best & I’ll drop by and say hi when I can.
Be Lucky & be naughty!
Andy

Filed under: Writing Tagged: amwriting, blog, blogging, books, dreams, friends, life, love, Travel, wordpress, writers, Writing