Andrew MacLaren-Scott's Blog, page 84

Wet

Third bridge over the Forth

Will appear here gradually, as it is built


alongside the two existing ones

and after obediently following my instructions to perform that photographic assignment my dear daughter decided to catch a shot of her father looking his suave and educated and intelligent best

The clouds were very nice today

The Subversion of 717 (7)

Continuing the preview of the rough draft sequel to 'After The Lady Lord', which was the sequel to 'Report on Sample 717'. Following on from here.


In the deepest back corner of the basement bar on Sample 717, the two superior beings sat with the two humanoid but not human creatures from Sample 716, all somewhat more slumped than they had been on their arrival a couple of hours earlier. The lights were low and soft moody music accompanied the murmurings of conversation from the various groups of drinkers scattered around the cavernous place. Eva's head was resting on Adm's shoulder, and she seemed half asleep. Adm was holding her hand with one hand while lifting a half-full glass of beer to his mouth with the other.

'I've had too mush,' Adrig declared.

'Too much,' Adm corrected.

'Oh we could manage another though,' said Edrig.

'Okay,' said Adrig compliantly in response, while Adm smiled and handed a twenty pound note to Edrig while commenting, 'Me too, but I think Eva's probably had enough.'

'Still can't believe you're alive,' Edrig said, as he returned with drinks on a tray.

'You left me for dead lad, for dead.'

'Oh let's not go through all that again. The octopus ripped your mask. I told you. Cold… Dead…'

'And you are qualified to pronounce death are you?'

'No but anyway, I sent you on… You're lucky I didn't bury you. And you are here now. Oh! And with a wife!'

'Nice wife,' said Eva, stirring into half wakefulness. 'Lucky Adrig nice wife.'

'Hmm…' said Adrig.

'You don't sound so sure my man,' Edrig suggested.

'Later,' Adrig promised. 'I told you. We'll talk about that later… Nishe beery.'

'Nice beer, my man.'

'Yesh. Nishe beer.'

 And then... on the next day...

In the cold of an early May morning, Edrig sat on a bench beside Adrig and Adrig sat beside Edrig, just as they had done on more than one occasion before. Both were asleep, until Edrig stirred and shivered.

'Oh no. Again,' he muttered. 'Too much beer again.'

'Huh?' said the wakening Adrig beside him.

'Too much beer. Again. Sore head, Cold. Too much beer. Again.'

'Ah, but at least we still have shoes this time eh?'

'That's true,' agreed Edrig, looking down. 'But we don't appear to have Adm and Eva. Where have they gone?'

Adrig frowned and thought about this at some length as he sat upright and pulled the thick coat he had come equipped with more tightly in around him.

'Perhaps it may be best that we don't know that my lad,' he eventually began. 'Perhaps they have decided to escape from us, and perhaps that may be for the best. Less for us to explain when we get home, for unlike us they perhaps do have a chance of properly escaping from what they have come from. Escaping from what they were born into.'

'And we don't?'

'No we don't Edrig, even though finding us was never a top priority, especially considering... ah never mind for now, but… they do find us, they will always find us… We are always doomed to be what we were born to be, I fear. Like most creatures, really… there can never be any true escape from what we are born to be.'

'You are managing to be philosophical inside your sore head.'

'My head is actually not too bad,' said Adrig. 'I have rather got used to beer, or technically maybe cider, on 716.'

'With your wife?'

'Ah yes… My radioactive wife.'

'But nice?'

'Nice enough my lad. Very nice, for a while, but…'

'But what?'

'But… Well… You know Edrig, it seems there may be some things about ladies that are the same wherever they are from.'

'What do you mean?'

'Ach… let's leave it for later, but having a wife, even a young slim and admittedly very fine looking - even if sometimes somewhat smelly - wife, can become rather wearing, you know.'

'No, I don't know, and I rather wish I did!'

'Ah well Edrig. You be careful what you wish for. You just be very careful what you wish for. Anyway, come on… let's walk to the pod.'

'Really?'

'Yes really.'

'We really have to go back?'

'Yes we do.'

'And are we in trouble?'

'Trouble? No. Not really, if we play it right. I have rescued you Edrig. You fell victim to a malfunctioning pod, as did I, and then I have rescued you, but none of that really matters much now anyway, for the meantime at least.'

'What do you mean? Have you been back home before finding me?'

'Yes I have.'

'Oh… and what's been happening?'

'Much has been happening. And… well… I'll tell you later.'

'Why not now?'

'Just wait. Now come on lad. Do as Adrig advises. Come on.'

And so the two rather old-looking superior beings, who were really rather young superior beings, rose unsteadily from the bench on Sample 717 and made their way slowly towards the hilly woodland where Adrig had left his pod.

The Subversion of 717 (6)

Continuing the preview of the rough draft sequel to 'After The Lady Lord', which was the sequel to 'Report on Sample 717'. Following on from here.


'Eeee scree weerly dep dip weee scoop squeen sqa squishwit. Cherka see wurly!' said Adrig, excitedly.

'Eh... could you talk in the language of this land please?' Adm asked, 'because remember I cannot understand your damn screeching.'

'Sorry, I forgot in my over enthusiasm at giving the stupid young boy a scolding. What I said to him was that I was damn well dead as far as he was concerned, clearly!' And then he looked sternly at Edrig.

'But you were dead!' Edrig insisted. 'You were cold, dead... In the pod. Your mask was cut by the octopus!'

'Well how come I am standing here speaking to you then?'

'I don't know.'

'No... there is clearly much that you don't know isn't there? I mustn't really have been dead eh?'

In the absence of any response, Adrig eventually continued.

'An anoxic coma... have you ever heard of it Edrig?'

'No, but you weren't breathing. I was in the pod with you for quite a while.'

'Well I must have been in anoxic coma shock then eh? You don't know much about our biology do you? Maybe I was breathing just a tiny little eh? Just possibly perhaps? For here I am, eh? And I am not too pleased with you either, my boy, not too pleased at all. You should have undertaken your basic training I suppose, and maybe have listened to your teachers a bit more when you were at school.'

'Oh... I often skipped the biology actually,' Edrig admitted.

'Oh what a surprse,' Adrig said with a sarcastic sneer. 'We do have more advanced biological adaptations that the simple sample people you seem to have been more interested in, you know.'

'Oh... And the Ladies?' Edrig asked, remembering them suddenly.

'Oh... Well the ladies, being so fat... Eh I mean so beautiful,' at which point Adrig gave an involuntary look over his shoulder.

'Don't worry,' Edrig assured him, 'I have seen no evidence of any Lady Lords around here.'

'Anyway,' Adrig continued, 'The Ladies, being so big and beautiful...'

'So fat,' Edrig insisted.

'Yes, well being so eh big and fat and unfit... The Ladies have a much reduced ability to go into the emergency preserving state of anoxic coma shock. The needs of their eh... big fatty metabolism are too great.'

'And so?' Edrig demaned, getting impatient.

'Dead dear boy. Both of them. You killed them.'

'Oh...' said Edrig, glumly.

'Yes... Oh indeed, young lad. Oh indeed very much. You have killed two Ladies. But I have a story that can explain that...'

'Oh... But still it's great to see you!' Edrig declared. 'Alive! I can't believe it!'

'Oh, I was wondering when you were going to express some indication of at least mild joy at my astonishing resurrection.'

In the meantime, Eva had been tightly hugging Adm as Adm rather hesitantly submitted to her hugging, and hugged her rather lightly in response.

'Right,' announced Adrig in a sudden business-like manner, 'Come on. Now that we have found you we better get going.'

'Get going?' Edrig said. 'Where?'

'To our pod of course. I'll explain when I get the chance, but you better come, if you want this all to be sorted out, although...'

'But...' said Edrig.

'But...' said Adm.

'But what?' said Eva.

And Adm looked at Eva, then he quietly said, 'But I'm staying here.'

'But...' said Eva.

'You could stay too Eva,' said Adm, rather hesitantly.

'But...' said Adrig, before slowly adding, 'Oh well... come to think of it, that may be better for you... Yes, it may be for the best... if I can think up some other story, but...'

'No buts,' said Adm firmly. 'Stay here with me Eva. It's good. Much better, and my ladies will like you.'

'Your ladies?'

'Ah... Yes well... Just stay Eva. I'll explain everything.'

'I'd like to be there to hear that explanation,' Edrig offered.

'Come on Edrig,' Adrig commanded.

'Say bye byes at yur wife Adrig,' Eva said.

'Your wife?' demanded an incredulous Edrig.

'I'll explain,' said Adrig, 'but...'

'What's the rush anyway?' asked Edrig.

'Yeah, what's the rush?' asked Adm. 'We could have some beers together.'

'Oh... Beers?' Adrig, hesitated. 'Well...'

'I've no money,' said Edrig.

'Nor me,' said Adrig.

'Munny?' said Eva.

'I've got money,' said Adm. 'Come on... This way. To the beers!'

The Subversion of 717 (5)

Continuing the preview of the rough draft sequel to 'After The Lady Lord', which was the sequel to 'Report on Sample 717'. Following on from here. 

'You should've waited for me, I was going to buy you a meal,' Adm told Edrig at just after 4 pm the next day, having sat down beside him on a bench beside the circle sculpture.

'I got moved. The parents thought I was showing an unhealthy interest in their children.'

'Oh... Well I suppose you do look the type.'

'Thanks very much.'

'Well but you don't look very good Edrig, in those clothes and sitting on your own, I suppose. You do look a bit odd.'

'Thanks very much. But you seem to have settled in nicely.'

'Yes.'

'Though illegally.'

'Ah yes. An illegal immigrant the girls have told me, and from much farther away than they believe.'

'The girls?'

'The girls I live with.'

'Ah... So you really have settled in very well indeed.'

'Oh yes.'

'And the children like you.'

'Ha ha. They love my stories about Biggy Boom Land.'

'You entertain little children with tales of nuclear devastation? Or do you still not know what your Biggy Booms were?'

'Oh, I do know now, sort of. The eh... the library here is fascinating you know, but I don't tell the kids all that. I just make up rubbish. They love it. Adm from Biggy Boom land, the man from somewhere else. They love it.'

'I suppose you are all washed and minimally radioactive now,' Edrig said, more to himself than to Adm.

'I've been reading about that. It's funny how their language here is so similar to my own, but still different. What's that all about Edrig? What's everything all about? What's really going on?'

'I don't know.'

And time passed... Days... Weeks...

They became firm friends, Edrig and Adm, often meeting up for beer and food, always purchased with the money Adm was making as the man from somewhere else in addition to the buying and selling of stuff that Adm seemed reluctant to discuss.

Until...

Until the day arrived, in the early evening of the 10th of May on Sample 717, when they were sitting on their favourite bench beside the circle sculpture on the High Street when Edrig heard a very familiar voice behind him....

'So! We have found you!'

Edrig and Adm swivelled round, and both gasped together at the sight of two beings who surely should not really be there, especially the rather tall and skinny male one.

'Adrig!' Edrig cried, for it did appear to be his old friend Adrig. 'But you are...'

'Eva!' Adm cried, for yes, it was Eva.

'Yuh, Eva...' Eva said, as she stood there, somehow dressed in what looked very like Sample 717 clothes. A pair of dark trousers, a white blouse, a well-styled leather jacket.

In the meantime Edrig's mouth was agape, incapable of making any sound.

It was Adm who eventually managed to return to the most pertinent issue.

'You are meant to be dead Adrig, what has happened? Edrig said you were dead.'

'Yes,' Edrig managed to say... 'Dead!'

The Subversion of 717 (4)

Continuing the preview of the rough draft sequel to 'After The Lady Lord', which was the sequel to 'Report on Sample 717'. Following on from here. 

Adm looked across at Edrig, this somewhat overweight shambling figure with a rather bald head and puffy grey face framed in sparse wisps of grey hair that had been allowed to grow too long. And the clothes that did not match, nor properly fit. He was a rather sorry sight.

'Maybe we can find some work for you Edrig. I have some friends. Some good friends.'

'Lady friends?'

'Hah! yes, mainly. Nice lovely lady friends.'

'As nice as Eva?'

Adm furrowed his brow at that.

'Ah... Eva... Eva is not here... My friends are cleaner than Eva. They smell very differently, but... Well... We have to deal with things as we find them, don't we?'

'You have become very articulate Adm... And yes we do. Indeed we do.'

'Articulate? Oh yes. I have very good teachers.'

'Young lady teachers?'

'Oh yes. Ha ha. Oh yes. They teach me much.'

'So you like the ladies of Samp... Eh, of Earth?'

'Oh yes. Very much. And look. There is where I work, sometimes.'

Edrig looked up at a large white building.

'A hotel? You work in a hotel?'

'Yes.'

'As a barman?'

'No.'

'A cleaner?'

'No.'

'What then?'

'Wait and see. But there is a sign that will give you a good idea.'

And Adm led Edrig into the hotel and along a corridor to the restaurant area, then through the restaurant to a large children's play area that, apart from its open doorway, was separated from the restaurant by a glass panel allowing diners to view their children while the children played inside.

'Take a seat. Wait there,' Adm commanded, 'Oh and I'll get a beer sent out for you.'

'Thanks,' said a rather bemused Edrig, then as he sat down he saw the sign:

This Evening's Children's Entertainer - Adm The Man From Somewhere Else

The play area was already populated with a dozen or so children who were wandering between the ball pool, full of brightly coloured plastic balls, the climbing net, and the two plastic chutes that led from a platform at the top of the climbing net and down into the ball pool.

Just as a young lady delivered a beer to Edrig, Adm appeared out of a doorway and stood by the side of the ball pool with his arms raised. He was dressed in his old ragged fur gown, although it did appear to have been laundered. He was also wearing bright green lycra leggings and his head was covered with a long-haired shaggy wig. He looked very wild, but the children seemed pleased to see him, one even clapping his hands together as they all smiled.

'Hi Ho Kiddsy Peeps!' Adm boomed out in welcome. 'Adm frum planety Biggy Boom hus here!'

And the children laughed some more, while Edrig noticed that many of the adults were looking across from their tables and watching appreciatively also.

'Oh he's great,' Edrig heard one adult say, 'We're going to book him for Hannah's birthday party. He tells great stories too. The kids love him.'

At this juncture Adm called out, 'Look. Me Biggun! Hi hup. In we gu!' and he jumped high in the air then landed in the middle of the ball pool.

The children screamed, but with laughter in their screams, and began pelting the theatrically flailing Adm with some of the coloured plastic balls while Adm tried to repel the balls with his hands, all the time uttering comedic cries of alarm.

'Uh! Huh. Ich! Uh! Noh. Noh.. Badder than Biggy booms this! No Kidsy peeps! Stop kidsy peeps!'

And Edrig watched in wonder and admiration, sipping at his fine Sample 717 beer.

And he watched for about fifteen minutes until a managerial type of lady approached him.

'I'm sorry sir, but some of our diners are complaining about you sitting there looking at their children.'

'Eh?'

'The children sir. Are you a parent of any? A grandparent?'

'No. I'm a friend of Adm's.'

'Ah yes. I see. One of the girls mentioned that but... would you mind terribly if I asked you to finish your drink at the other end of the room, perhaps?'

'No... I wouldn't mind terribly, I suppose, but... what time does Adm finish?'

'Oh. Not until eight.'

'Ah. We didn't discuss that.'

And so the managerial lady shepherded the rather odd and bedraggled Edrig away from the children's play area and to a seat by a small table at the opposite side of the room, where he sat, and supped, and pondered.

Edrig was not inclined to wait until eight in the evening, since sitting with an empty glass and no money to refill it was making him feel uncomfortable, especially as he began to realise why some of the diners might not have wanted him to be looking at their children.

With no prior arrangements having been made he decided on leaving a note behind the bar for Adm, giving the address of his hostel and also saying that he would be near to the circle sculpture at 4pm on the next day. And then he wandered out of the hotel and walked slowly across the bridge over the wide river as the sky darkened. He was alone again, with only his thoughts for company.

The Subversion of 717 (3)

Continuing the free preview of the rough draft sequel to 'After The Lady Lord', which was the sequel to 'Report on Sample 717'. Following on from here

In the centre of town Edrig arrived at the installation of street sculpture that he had noticed before but had never properly considered. It comprised a steel circle that was supported by two humans leaning against it at waist height, but one of them was leaning back against the circle of steel in a lazy and relaxed manner, with a calm smile upon his face, while the other one was pushing outwards against the circle with a strained face and a blindfold across his eyes.

Edrig examined this closely and pondered what it might be all about. These two humans, he thought, are both achieving the same thing, that is, they are both holding up the circle, but one is doing it easily and lazily and is enjoying it, while using the circle to support him. The other human is pushing against the circle, fighting it, struggling, unable to see what he is doing and clearly finding it tough. And yet they are both achieving the same end, in supporting the circle above the ground. Ah… two ways to approach life perhaps? Two ways to keep sustained the circle that is, eh… perhaps your life? One way by taking it easy and allowing life to support you… the other by fighting against events and making life very hard work indeed?

Interesting, he thought… Very interesting… And then he noticed the words of a poem inscribed around the circle, written by a William Soutar, but words in a language that seemed a bit like English but clearly was not. Words in Scottish, perhaps? He read the words slowly, carefully trying to pronounce quietly:

Nae day sae dark, nae wud sae bare, nae grund sae stour wi' stane, but licht comes through, a sang is there, a glint o' grass is green. Wha hasna thol'd his thorter'd hours and kent, whan they were by, the tenderness o' life that fleurs rock-fast in misery?

Hmm… I'll need to think about that, Edrig thought. And then he heard a bright and manly voice behind him, saying, 'Hi!'

Edrig turned to survey Adm, who was now dressed in jeans and t-shirt and a brown leather jacket, all looking very clean and new.

'Hello Adm. What have you been up to? You look very well, and prosperous even.'

'Ah. Ha ha. Yes indeed. I am well. Walk with me my friend. I am on my way to work.'

'Work?'

'Yes. Work. If you can call it work. Come with me and you will see. I will keep it as a surprise for you. But you... What have you been up to? Where is Adrig?'

And so Edrig had to inform Adm that Adrig was dead, and as they walked away from the centre of town and towards the river he relayed the whole chaotic story of the pod, and the octopuses, and the death, or was it the murder? Whatever... the death of Adrig and the two Ladies, and the octopuses too, of course.

'Sad,' said Adm. 'Sad and bad.'

And they walked in silence for a while, before Edrig realised that they were heading for one of the bridges across the wide river to the side that he had never explored.

'I am stuck here Adm, with no work and no money, but I do at least have a place to stay. It's not too bad really. I could contemplate a future here. I may have to, after all.'

The Subversion of 717 (2)

Following on from here


Edrig looked at Adm and Adm looked at Edrig.

Adm's lady companion looked bored.

'You are looking remarkably fine,' Edrig said. 'What has happened to you? You look prosperous. What have you been doing?'

'I got a job my friend. I am very good at it, and I eh... well I buy and sell eh... things... and I'm very good at that too.  But listen to me. I have learnt the language. No?'

'You have learnt it very well. How did you get a job?'

'I just asked. And one of my lady friends knew the boss.'

'One of your lady friends?'

At this point Adm's lady friend laughed. A big loud laugh, and then she announced, 'Oh, he has many lady friends!'

'Oh,' said Edrig, rather glumly, and then he added, 'Many slightly radioactive lady friends then.'

'What?' asked the young beauty with the long dark hair.

'Oh, nothing. Just a joke. Never mind.'

And Adm was frowning.

'So what about you Edrig?' Adm asked. 'You look rather, eh… rather shabby, and lonely.'

'Me? I think the term they use for me is a down and out.'

'Ah yes,' said Adm. 'Down here, on this strange planet, and out of your home environment.'

'You're talking silly again,' the lady friend declared.

'Edrig is from another planet too,' Adm told her.

'Oh yeah… just like you, ha ha.'

'Yes my dear, just like me. Actually it was Edrig who brought me here. In his eh… pod… Along with some Lady Lords, but he is from a very different place than my place. A better planet. Edrig's a boss man really. Sort of.'

'Oh stop it,' the young lady declared, 'and what's his real name anyway? Edrig… What sort of a name is that?'

Edrig sighed, and said to Adm, 'So you just tell them the truth too eh? But they don't listen do they? Or at least they just listen and laugh.'

'Indeed my friend, indeed. But we should talk, but I have a meeting to go to right now.'

'A meeting?'

'Yes, a meeting. But at five o'clock, by the circle sculpture in the High Street. Could you meet me?'

'Okay. I haven't got anything else to do. And you are speaking the language very well. Very well indeed.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah…' said the girl, sarcastically, before adding, 'But you have a very squeaky high voice eh… Edrig was it? Are you gay?'

'No. he is not gay, but he is from another planet' Adm said firmly, prompting the girl to roll her eyes. Then turning back to Edrig Adm said, 'Okay, five o'clock, by the circle sculpture. I'll see you then.'

And then he was off, walking away confidently. Striding along like a man who was very much in charge of events and who knew exactly where he was going. Edrig watched him go, while also admiring the rear view of the slim beauty that was wiggling along beside Adm, and then after the two of them had turned a corner Edrig began looking at the pretty coloured flowers again, and thinking.

The Subversion of 717 (1)

Following on from my critically acclaimed novellas Report on Sample 717 and its sequel After The Lady Lord, both available for not much money via the link in the sidebar, and encouraged by the most recent arrival of yet another royalty payment, I can confide without exaggeration (for I never exaggerate) that I also know much more that happened next... which I will be revealing in draft form in little episodes for some considerable time, perhaps. My source... Ah... my source must remain secret, meantime, but this is all true, of course, as was Aileen the Alien and Alien Island. I can't do fiction. The closest I can get to fiction is telling lies, and I'm not very good at that:

1.

A bleak Winter came and went, with Edrig living reasonably contentedly in the emergency refuge for the homeless. He persisted with his policy of just telling the truth whenever any fellow residents or anyone else that he met asked him about his life. And so he became widely known as 'The man from another planet', although the title was invariably said with a smile and a shake of the head or a sneer. He would stand looking out at the grey skies of Scotland and might be asked, 'Ah… what will the weather be like on your own planet today?', to which he would usually reply, 'Sunny', often adding, 'but not with your sun, of course.'

Having found his accommodation rather dirty he had suggested that a role might be found for him in keeping it as clean as possible, as means of repaying, at least partly, for the hospitality that Sample 717's governmental charity was providing for him. And so he became the man from another planet who cleaned the floors and the seats and sofas and toilets, and who would also often be found quietly washing pots and pans and cups and plates and cutlery as he gazed out of the window above the sink and admired the tracery of tree branches against the changing 717 sky. And he would wander the streets quite often, surprisingly discovering that if he sat down by a shop window with a paper cup in front of him people would occasionally drop money into it, sufficient to buy some beer or coffee or a sandwich. It happened accidentally the first time, as the splash of a pound coin into a half-full cup of latte puzzled him considerably.

He was dressed in clothes from a charity bin at his lodgings. A thick pair of green corduroy trousers above heavy brown shoes. A loose denim shirt several sizes too big for him and a red sweatshirt that proclaimed 'NFL 79' in bright blue letters, for a reason that he was ignorant of. And on top of that he had a blue zip-up jacket that came equipped with a useful hood that could be tucked away and zipped into a little compartment beneath the collar. And he was dressed in that muddled outfit when he ventured out one late March morning and walked the short distance to sit on the benches of the parkland that they called The South Inch, where he had once sat with Adrig.

He was admiring the multitude of colourful little flowers that surrounded the high trees and enjoying the warmth of the sunshine on his face, while thinking of old Adrig once again rather sadly, when a smartly-suited young man who was accompanied by a rather beautiful young woman walked towards him, then stopped just a few paces from Edrig and gazed at him.

'Well hello!' the young man exclaimed.

Edrig looked up and surveyed this man, taking in his short haircut, clean-shaven face, blue open collar shirt beneath a fine dark suit jacket above equally fine suit trousers and smart and well-polished rather pointy black leather shoes.

Edrig was rather bemused by this friendly greeting from a man he did not recognize, and a man accompanied by such a beauty with long black hair above a smooth white face atop the most lovely delicate slim body dressed in a tight brown leather jacket and jeans. He became even more bemused when the young man declared, 'It's Edrig isn't it?'

'Huh?' was all that Edrig could say.

'Edrig! Don't you recognize me?'

'Eh... No...'

'It's Adm!'

'Huh? What! Adm!'

'Yes!' said Adm, 'It's me. Adm.'

Still Life in Starbucks