L.W. Patricks's Blog, page 3
February 12, 2013
Yarrr Matey! Pirate My Book “She Dreams of Lonely Stars” You Scalleywag!
Human beings in general hate paying for shit. I know I do.
So on this day, I announce that everyone who loves downloading free stuff to please, PIRATE MY BOOK “She Dreams of Lonely Stars,” a collection of six melancholy stories of science fiction and fantasy that can be read in one sitting.
Why? Because I’m crazy and I’m occupying myself and supporting the 1%.
You can download your copy at Smashwords
and use the coupon code for 100% off: YZ29H
However if you do want to donate something to me, then I take donations in the following:
Facebook Likes on my fanpage: http://www.facebook.com/LWPatricksfanpage
or
Join my email list below (where you can receive a free copy of Shadow of Wrath Book One: Caged)
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or just leave me a comment in this post and say hello!
Cheers,
L.W.
Filed under: apocalyptic fiction, indie author, Publications, self publishing, short story, YA Fiction
February 6, 2013
Social Media Marketing for your book is like Internet Dating!
Long gone are the days when an author can write a book, sit on his ass, and wait for money to pour in (unless your name is Stephen King or J.K. Rowling). Your books won’t sell themselves and it’s almost crucial that authors get into the social media game.
So let’s say you’re brand new to all this social media stuff, just exactly how the hell do you start? Whether you decide to go with facebook, twitter, pinterest, linkedin (I recommend them all), the way to jump in is all the same. My analogy to this is that Social Media Marketing should be approached like Internet dating!
1. Profile Page
Like an Internet dating website, your social media profile page should be charming, fun, and fascinating. You want your potential customers (or dates) to be intrigued by you.
The first step is to take some really nice author photos (or in my case some graphic design. If you click on my About Moi! page you can see the image I decided to use, and yes that is actually me in black and white.)
You don’t want to post a photo that will creep the shit out of someone or make them think that you’re a tortured soul, chained to your parents basement, starved for attention.
“I enjoy long walks in secluded alleyways and tickling cat testes with my pinky”
Though I have to admit, that guy is fairly intriguing for the horror genre…
Like a Plenty of Fish bio, your social media bio should be fairly interesting as well and entice people to want to get to know you. If all you have in your bio is “I wrote a book,” honestly who gives a shit? So has 2743698729864 other people. It’s the equivalent of “I eat food” on a POF bio.
Make your profile mysterious and intriguing and cater to the audience you’re looking for. My single friend showed me a dating profile once where a guy announced that for fun he enjoyed “shooting vermin.” I have no idea what the hell kind of woman he wanted to attract. If you’re a horror writer and write on your profile “I enjoy erotica”, best know that you’re drawing in the wrong crowd for your work.
2. Making initial contact
Now that you have an awesome profile page set up, hopefully people will start contacting you, but like the dating game, you can’t just rely on that. You’re going to have to make contact yourself.
Try messaging some people and have a discussion, but not in a creepy way. If you start any of your conversations by saying “please buy my book,” it’s like messaging someone for the first time on POF and saying “I want to have sex with you.” Yes I am using sex as an analogy for selling a book. It’s orgasmic every time you do it.
Before coming out and blindsiding someone with your book, you’re going to need to build up some dialogue, form a relationship with this stranger, get them to like you and trust you. Tell them who you are, why they should talk to you, and let them judge you as an author and a human being. After all, you are the brand (your book is the product).
And don’t spam. It’s an eyesore on twitter seeing ####### litter a tweet. Usually when I see more than two hashtags, my brain filters it as spam and I pass over it. Same if I see the same message over and over and over again. If you received a message on POF where it was “have five-star rated sex with me” repeatedly or “available for a limited time, 40% off sex” you would get cheesed and consider it as spam.
I admit, once in a while I will promote my book, but I try to limit myself to twice a day, maybe three if I have more than one product. And that should be more than enough.
3. The follow/friend is like going on a date
So you got someone to follow you on facebook, twitter, email, etc. How should you interact with them? Once again refer to the above. Don’t spam them. Just don’t. As well try not to act creepy weird and do your best to be fun and personable. Engage in fun conversations that generate interest for both you and this lucky person. And after you build a meaningful online relationship your reader might just….
4. Have sex with you! Well no, not really, but they might purchase your book!
Congratulations! They decided to buy your book! Yay! Feels good doesn’t it? Makes you feel valid in this crazy profession of writing. However, you’re not done yet…
5. Feedback
Was it good for them? You know it was good for you. However if they didn’t like what you had to offer them and leave you with a scalding review, do not in any way retaliate negatively. You may have the urge to degrade them publicly and call them names, but honestly, you end up looking like a super-sized loser. No one wants to get in bed with someone like that.
There was a notable indie author that I was interested in and was just about to purchase a few books but after reading their blog, I was so turned off by their negativity to others and their constant whining and complaining that I decided to give up all together. I decided to get in bed with authors who are positive in nature and take the bad with high spirits and have personalities that persevere through adversity.
Not everyone will love you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be pleasant to everyone.
6. The Relationship / Fan
So what if they loved your book? Well guess what? You my friend, have a fan, and that’s gravy! Like an everlasting relationship, a fan will do their best to do you good, and in return, you nurture this special bond and treat your fan like gold. Fans are the ones that make your career a long and successful one, so love them, cherish them, and make this relationship exciting for them. Their love in return will pay off in spades.
Well, that’s it for this post.
P.S. I am in no way encouraging anyone to have sex before having a relationship or getting married. I honestly don’t care about your sex life…to each their own. The only thing I want to have end up in your bed is my book =)
L.W.
Enjoyed the post? Make sure to join the email list and get a free copy of Book One: Caged of L.W. Patrick’s upcoming publication “Shadow of Wrath” available March 13, 2013. Read the preview HERE for free.
Note: We will never sell or rent out your email address.
Get your free copy of Shadow of Wrath Book One: Caged
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Filed under: indie author, Insight, Inspiration, self publishing, social media
February 3, 2013
What the hell do stars dream of in winter? – Collection of Scifi and Fantasy Flash Fic
The past month, I’ve been hovering around Chuck Wendig’s blog terribleminds.com and participating in his flash fiction challenges, where I posted three stories on his blog. You can read two of them here:
The Last Temptation of Snow White: An emotionally damaged fairy-tale
and
Return to Eden: An Environmentally Friendly Apocalyptic Story
After a lot of amazing comments from my readers, I thought to myself ‘I’m going to give all my followers, fans, frienemies, imaginary friends… a collection of all these truly screwed up stories.’
On this frozen day of February, I’m pleased to announce “She Dreams of Lonely Stars,” a collection of six melancholy short stories!
This entire ebook can be read in one sitting while sipping on wine and listening to new age music, or if you’re a guy, while taking a dump on the toilet. If you’re looking for a quick thirty minute read, then definitely check out this book!
So how can I get my hands on a copy on this? Well the release date will be a surprise to everyone, except the followers of my blog or those that sign up for my email list. And here’s the best part….it’s FREE!
What’s the catch? None at all. Seriously, none.
Sign up for my email list below to find out when and how you can receive SHE DREAMS OF LONELY STARS. Not only that, I’ll give you a free copy of Part One (of five) of Shadow of Wrath: Caged , my debut book.
You can read a sample here:
Preview: Shadow of Wrath: Caged
That’s it for now! Fill your mind with my twisted thoughts and join the email list below! Trust me, it’ll be worth it.
L.W.
Note: We will never rent or sell your email addresses to anyone.
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Filed under: apocalyptic fiction, genre fiction, indie author, Publications, self publishing, short story, YA Fiction
February 1, 2013
Astonishingly Strange Author Interviews Pt.1: JEN NAUMANN –
Welcome to the first instalment of Astonishingly Strange Author Interviews.
Over the course of my writing career, I’ve met some incredible and fun authors that I think the rest of the Universe (i.e. all my followers) should get to know. They receive L.W. Patrick’s certified gold star of awesome:
Thus, I am beginning to host what I call Astonishingly Strange Author Interviews! Now you readers can get to know them like I do: Wacky, strange, and fun!
My very first test subject is Jen Naumann, who I talked to on twitter after discovering her hash tagging the Gorgasmic show, the Walking Dead.
Drum roll please…. buh buh buh buh buh buh, the Questions! (You’re probably wondering what kind of drum I own that makes that sound. Have no fear, it doesn’t have a heartbeat).
1.
Summarize your book in a one-sentence catch phrase.
Not everyone is ready for a zombie apocalypse.
2.
Now in one sentence, tell us why your book kicks ass.
Zombies, good humor and adventure rolled into one – need I say more?
3.
Tell us what your main character’s Plenty of Fish Dating profile looks like?
I’ve been off the market so long I didn’t even know what this was. After checking the website out, I would say something like this:
EmmaOU812
About: Not the most athletic or coordinated, but could totally kick your butt on any video game.
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Details:18-year-old female, and the rest doesn’t matter. If you’re some old perv then look elsewhere. This may be the end of the world, but I’m not desperate. At least not yet.
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Intent: Keeping my options open in case my friend Finn (who I hope will eventually be something more than my good buddy) catches this “zombie thing” that’s going around.
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City: Currently homeless and touring the Midwest.
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Ethnicity: White as Casper the Friendly Ghost (judge me all you want but some of us don’t see much of the sun).
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Education: Forever a high school senior since these zombies screwed everything up.
4.
What’s your fondest childhood memory?
Probably watching movies with my dad. He got me into Star Wars, Indiana Jones, James Bond and all the 80s classics. VCRs were super expensive when I was young so we didn’t get one until I was in the sixth grade (wow I just really aged myself). Before that we had to watch everything on cable like a year after it was in theaters. I’ll forever be grateful for USA and my dad’s great taste.
5.
On your iTunes, what song has the most plays?
Not surprisingly, it’s ‘Keep It Together’ by Trent Reznor (from Nine Inch Nails) and his his wife with their group How to Destroy Angels. It’s been a great mood generator for my WIP and I’m totally obsessed with it. Honestly, I love anything Trent gets his hands on. Sometimes I think I should’ve been a music composer for films like he is – I love how a song can totally set the mood for anything!
6.
Finish the following sentence: I am ashamed to admit that I like…..
This is really hard because I’m old enough that I don’t feel ashamed of anything. In my old age I’ve totally embraced my weirdness. Maybe alcohol? But it would only be because some people don’t approve of drinking for fun. Sorry my answer is so boring.
7.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
I may be a nerd, but I haven’t put a lot of thought into this one. I had to look up a list of all the powers on Wikipedia to form an educated answer. I think I would choose superhuman mentality. It says that you could gain abilities like psychokinesis and telepathy. I’d be so damn smart that I’d be lying on the beach drinking margaritas all day in front of my 12 million dollar home while others did my biding.
8.
In one sentence, what is the philosophy of martial arts?
Kick ass skillfully before your own gets kicked…? My son is in tae kwon do and it’s more of a “self-defensive” martial arts.
9.
What’s something you never want to hear on a date?
“You’re the designated driver.” (That solidifies my answer to #6…)
10.
If you could have one mythical creature as a pet during a Zombie Apocalypse, what would it be and why?
Does Chewbacca count as “mythical”? Because I would feel totally safe with him. I think I had some kind of strange crush-like thing on Chewy when I was little. That guy never puts up with anyone trying to attack him, he’s really huggable and he can be pretty darn funny.
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Make sure to check out Jen’s book The Day Zombies Ruined My Perfectly Boring Life, available now on Amazon. Click on the image to go to the Amazon page!
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Are you an author and want to be interviewed yourself? Here’s how:
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1) Have a book published.
2) Share the love and either follow my blog, comment on the post, or be an email subscriber. The more active you are, the more likely I am to interview you!
3) Have an awesome personality.
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I’ll be doing one interview a week so make sure to sign up!
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Meanwhile, if you want to check out some of my work, get to it! Read a sample of my story which people (not my mother) says it’s Hunger Games meets Spartacus! Best part, email subscribers get Book One (of Five) for absolutely FREE! I shit you not!
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Shadow of Wrath sample
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Cheers everyone!
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L.W.
Filed under: indie author, Inspiration, interviews, self publishing, Uncategorized
January 28, 2013
New Shadow of Wrath Cover: Because the old one was for Sissies
Because you demanded it (and when I say ‘you’, I mean the people lucky enough to have read my book already), here’s a new and updated cover for Shadow of Wrath!
Now you’re probably wondering, why the heck did I change the cover? I’m not going to lie, it’s because the old cover looked like some shitty romance erotica:
Now mind you, I still think it’s a great looking piece of work…just not for my book.
Here’s what people have to say about Shadow of Wrath thus far:
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“The ending was frustrating and sad. But in a good way. The way it was supposed to be. I can’t tell you why, because that would spoil the book. I CAN tell you that it did NOT end the way I expected it to.” - Tara Lee, Not While I’m Reading Book Reviews
“It was Spartacus meets Mad Max. The story was edgy and raw…I highly recommend reading Shadow of Wrath or I’ll have Dog haunt you.” - Jolene O’Brien
“Shadow of Wrath is raw and suspense driven. For me, it was Gladiator meets the Hunger Games.” - Gabi Daniels
“Wow. A vivid, stark and harsh portrayal of a gladiator-like situation, where death is as common as sunrise and just as bloody.” - Booknut, 21st Century Once Upon a Time Reviews
****
After seeing these reviews, and then looking at the original cover, I concluded it was as appropriate as a Unicorn performing a prostate exam (use your imagination).
In fact, the original cover screams for a book with reviews more along the lines of:
“It was a breathless piece of fiction that made my heart flutter and my loins burn, in a good way!” - Vampire Seducer
“The main character Dog is so hot, I want to cover myself in bacon so he can have me for breakfast.” - Hungry for Some Lovin
“Shadow of Wrath should really be called 50 Shades of Wrath. Holy Cow!” - Yummy Mummy Reader
Anyway, I hope you all like the new cover. Tell me what you think!
Shadow of Wrath is available March 13, 2013. Meanwhile you can check out a free preview at the link below and for all those that join my email list, I’ll be giving away Shadow of Wrath Book One (of Five) for free.
Shadow of Wrath Book One: Caged Preview
Join the email list and become one of L.W. Patrick’s sinners. You’ll be the first to receive new promotions, free gifts, and important news updates.
Note: we will never rent or sell your e-mail address to anyone.
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Filed under: indie author, Publications, self publishing, Self publishing covers, Uncategorized, YA Fiction
January 24, 2013
The Spectacular Writing of a Child with A Dream – I’m still laughing after posting this one…
Even as a child, I always had the dream of becoming a writer. I remember sitting in my room, writing countless stories on lined paper with an HB pencil, building worlds that made absolutely no sense and writing prose that was as elegant as a sumo wrestler’s thong.
Recently I was at my parents place and my mom gave me the most wonderful gift in the world — physical pages of my adolescent stories, preserved and bound in a lime green duotang. My first thought was, “Oh shit, I hid those stories next to the hustler magazines I smuggled into my room while I was still in elementary school. Did she finally find them?” but then I realized that I’m 31 now. What’s my mom going to do? Ground me?
Anyway, I’m not sure if any of you had the chance to rediscover this precious era of your life (referencing childhood writing and not the skin mags), the one where your imagination was erratic and wild, but let me tell you that it’s great for a laugh.
I thought I’d share with you readers one of the stories I wrote as a kid, and let me tell you, what a gem it was.
Presenting to the world for the first time: Rondo Issue #1 (with commentary from yours truly)
Rondo walked down in the streets of New York. It was a wet day after the storm. Rondo trugged until he went to the pasture fields where he lived. (You have to love those pasture fields in New York)
He noticed something. It was a bomb! Rondo leapted by the bushes trying to get away but Rondo was caught in some wire (It’s important to protect your bushes with wire in the New York City pasture fields).
He tried to struggle free but it just got tieter. The bomb had few more seconds before the explosion. It was to late. Rondo broke free but not enough time. Rondo then past out. Moments later, Rondo was wearing a band over his head. The band was red and he also found himself in red jeans and a blue T-shirt. (Bombs are pretty advanced these days. They have the ablility to change your wardrobe….into red jeans especially)
A figure appeared. It was a girl. She helped Rondo up.
“You had quite a spill” she said. ”I’m Irene, the person who planted the bomb.” (Folks, the important lesson here is honesty. If you so happen to plant a bomb out in the pasture fields, own up to it.)
“Why?” Rondo asked struggling to get the pain out.
“Well, for first thing, I made the bomb out of plutonium. You have aboursed it’s strength. Secondly, I needed a person to stop crime that’s out of controle. Thirdly, are city needed a hero,” said Irene. (Ah of course, it all makes sense now. The world needs a hero, and the best way to do that is to create a bomb out of plutonium and blow someone up. I see nothing wrong with that plan at all.)
“But why this plain area” asked Rondo.
“Well, I was not sure it would work but if I put this in an area where there is nobody almost, it would be safer.” (Good thinking Irene)
“I guess so but how do I test my powers” asked Rondo.
“Simple, just stop a crook” she said smiling. (Well duh!)
Rondo walked away.
“Oh, here’s a motorcycle that can change into a car. Use it” Irene said.(Sweet! Carcycle!)
“Thanks” said Rondo. He got in and zoomed off. He took it in the hsape of a motorcycle. There suddenly was a flash. It was a criminal called Rocket.
Rondo leapted out. Rocket was firing at everyone. Rondo pounced onto Rocket. Rocket punched Rondo. Rondo took Rocket and threw him. Rocket flew and took a laser gun. Rondo punched Rocket again. Rocket fired but Rondo jumped and jump kicked Rocket. (That was some intense fighting, and even more intense tongue twister)
Suddenly Rocket’s men came. Rondo took a stick and hit one of them. Next he leapted and forced a couple of men down. A man ran to Rondo but Rondo punched the man and then threw him against more men. The punks took out their clubs, chains, crowbars, and whips. (Those no good punks and their whips)
Rondo ripped a fence and trapped all of Rockets men. Rocket flew off and escaped. Rocket flew for the rocket fuel factory. (Makes sense) Rocket absoured it’s energy. Rondo who was back with Irene paced around.
“Don’t get so upptite” said Irene. “I know he escaped but you have second chances” said Irene.
“Well, so far I need to finish my work” said Rondo. Outside the window, a spy with a gun fired, hitting a vase. Irene and Rondo ducked. The spy had a machien gun! Irene srambled up and took a gun (This chick definitley has some issues).
Rondo found a piece of rope. He tied it to a rock and threw it. The rope swung around the spy and the spy tripped. The spy was ready to fire again but Irene shot the gun out of the spys hand. The spys gun had fell on him and he was out cold. Irene gasped for breath. Then she gave Rondo a gadget.
“Here, put this gadget on your suit. You can do magic with it,” said Irene. Rondo went back out and hoped into his car. He was on his way. Suddenly another car came. It was one of Rockets punks.
The thug tried to run Rondo off the curb. they were driving on the side of a mountain.(Ah yes, the lovely mountains of New York that overlook the pastures)
Rondo turned hitting the other car. The thug took the blow and we flying into the side of the mountain. Rondo continued on the track. He soon was at central park. He saw a viper snake. Rondo picked it up.
“You can be handy” he said. (Remember, nothing makes for a better weapon than a live viper snake) He walked into a secret lab hidden in there.
He took some test and then he froze the snake.
“Rocket should be here” said Rondo. “My guess is that he sended the spy to get me” said Rondo.
Suddenly Rocket came. Rondo fired from his hands by using the gadget. Rocket flew away and turned into electricity and shocked through Rondo. Rondo forced a cutting force grow bigger and bigger hitting Rocket.(forced a cutting force grow bigger and bigger….genious)
Rocket made a fireball and hurled it towards Rondo. Rondo blasted some water melting the fire ball. Rondo then spun a suprising ***
And that folks is where we leave off. I guess I wanted to end it in a cliffhanger and keep people on the edge of their seats……for 25 years. Anyways that’s it for Rondo 1 Issue, as well as the most typo-ridden post on any blog.
If you’re actually interested in seeing how I evolved in my writing 25 years later, try these following links:
The Last Temptation of Snow – An emotionally damaged fairy tale. (5 minute read)
The Path of Crows – A Kung Fu Cautionary Fable (5 minute read)
Return to Eden – An environmentally Friendly Apocalyptic Story (5 minute read)
Shadow of Wrath: Chapter One preview – Spartacus meets Hunger Games
On that note, do any of you have any stories you’ve kept from your childhood writing? Tell me all about it! Also let me know if you enjoyed this post and want to see more crazy stories from my childhood.
Cheers,
L.W.
Filed under: childhood stories, genre fiction, indie author, Publications, self publishing, short story
January 22, 2013
Flash Fiction – Return to Eden: An Environmentally Friendly Apocalypse Story
Little did Gregory Hogan know that the act of tossing a cigarette butt into the crystal waters of Nightingale Falls would bring forth the destruction of the human race. Mother Nature was pissed and in return she decided to deliver an eco-friendly apocalypse that would end the era of mankind.
First came the plague of insects, drawn to the heavy scent of perfume released by the flowers. Locusts, bees, and flies crashed down upon humanity like waves of a tsunami — tiny suicidal zealots that filled the lungs and throats of men, drowning them in their diminutive sacrificed carcasses.
Next came the mammoth root tendrils that burst through the cracks in the ground, coiling around buildings and skyscrapers like boa constrictors, choking the life out of the concrete giants.
Finally toxic spores were released into the atmosphere, poisoning any remaining survivors — a nerve gas cooked by Mother Nature herself.
Gregory always thought it would be the cancer that ended up killing him, instead of the massive thorns which tore him open him like razor wire.
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Sebastian was perfectly content on dying inside that bubble of his. He had spent almost twenty-four hours crying after watching his mother collapse on the floor in front of him, her hands pressed against the plastic barrier, tears in her eyes as she struggled for breath.
Her dying words were, “I can’t take care of you any longer.”
Sebastian sat there for a whole day, staring at his mother’s body.
That was until the enchanting voice of a woman whispered his name, awakening him from his comatose depression.
“Did you hear that?” Sebastian asked.
Jed nodded. “We should check it out.”
“But what about the infections?” Sebastian had a sever case of aplastic anemia where even a common cold could kill him.
“You’ll die in here anyways without food or water,” Jed said. “You deserve to live the last few hours of your life free of this plastic dungeon.”
Sebastian agreed. Even though Jed was a figment of his imagination — the offspring of his loneliness and addiction to western movies — Sebastian held him in highest regard. Jed was the only friend he had; one that wouldn’t end up killing him with germs.
So it was with great curiosity and trepidation that Sebastian unzipped the entrance to his bubble, stepped out and took a breath of natural air.
It smelled awful, the culprit being the corpse of his dead mother. He wanted to cry for her again, but Jed rested a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.
“Be strong,” Jed said. “Remember, cowboys don’t cry.”
Sebastian nodded and followed Jed down the stairs towards the entranceway.
“Ready?” Jed asked. Sebastian was reluctant at first, but finally agreed.
He was a cowboy and cowboys weren’t afraid. He grasped the knob and pulled open the door.
Imagine wearing hazy plastic lenses for thirteen years of your life. Now imagine removing those lenses and witnessing the world for the first time with unfiltered clarity. And finally imagine that the world reborn into a glorious, green and natural wonderland.
Bright lustrous sunlight filled the insides of the gloomy house and Sebastian felt alive for the first time in his life. Outside, trees stretched into the clouds, taller than any skyscraper. The ground was covered in a soft, emerald carpet and leaves and flower petals trickled down from the azure sky like coloured snowflakes.
Sebastian breathed and was invigorated by the cleanliness of the air. It was how he imagined mountains would smell like.
He heard the voice call out to him again. “This way Sebastian.”
They allowed the voice to guide them through the city of green. Finally they stopped in front of an old, open railway tunnel completely enveloped in foliage.
“You going in?” Jed asked. Sebastian nodded.
“What if I think it’s a bad idea,” Jed said.
“I’m still going in.”
Jed nodded. “My little man is growing a pair.”
Sebastian smiled. They walked inside the green tunnel for hours, stopping only once to catch their breath.
“I feel like I’m walking through Mother Nature’s vagina,” Jed said.
“That’s gross.”
“You thought of it,” Jed laughed.
Eventually they reached a wooden door. Jed put a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder and said, “You know I can’t come with you.”
“Why not?”
“I’m no longer needed,” Jed replied. “You’re on your own now, but that’s a good thing. This partnership we had was something real special.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“Don’t get sentimental on me now,” Jed said. “Cowboys aren’t the sensitive types.”
He watched Jed return down the path they came, finally disappearing into the shadows and the green like fading smoke.
Sebastian opened the wooden door. Inside, surrounded by vines and foliage, was a rosebud the size of his bedroom. Sunlight peeked through the cracks of the ceiling, illuminating the giant flower like a spotlight on a centrepiece.
“Sebastian,” the voice whispered. “A child pure of poison and cleansed by the earth.”
“I don’t understand,” he said.
“For years now, humanity has lived a chemical induced life. They have engineered sickness and consumed its toxic cancers,” she said. “I, Gaia, Goddess of the Earth have purged this world of anyone who has been touched by this foul poison.”
“You killed my mother.”
“An unfortunate sacrifice for the return of Eden and its purity. She was infected, like everyone else. You’re the exception Sebastian.”
“I’m diseased,” Sebastian said. “That’s why I lived in a bubble. Even a common cold can kill me.”
“Your illness was a blessing that saved you from my wrath,” Gaia said. “I made this world safe for you now, void of disease. You are the new genesis of humankind, distilled and pure.”
The rosebud began to open and resting within the crimson layers of the petals was a beautiful girl, milk-white and radiating with life.
“A partner until the end of time,” Gaia said as Sebastian stared at the girl, wonderstruck. Her beauty was so radiant that it could reduce even the meanest desperado to tears.
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End
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Thanks to Terribleminds.com and Chuck Wendig for hosting this challenge.
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Did you like Return to Eden? Make sure to check out other flash fics on my blog:
The Last Temptation of Snow White: An Emotionally Damaged Fairy Tale
The Path of Crows: A Kung Fu Fable
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Be sure to sign up for L.W. Patrick’s mailing list to receive more free stories, awesome events, and the first part of the novel Shadow of Wrath free.
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Filed under: apocalyptic fiction, genre fiction, indie author, Publications, self publishing, short story
January 16, 2013
Flash Fiction: The Path of Crows – A Kung Fu Fable
The boy’s sorrow was a mask and buried deep within his glossy eyes were the smoldering embers of vengeance. Zhang, the old teashop owner, pitied him.
“You’re not here for tea leaves,” Zhang said.
The boy shook his head. “I am Wu. I ask for your help.”
Zhang sighed. “I can only help in recommending tea leaves.” He gestured for the boy to sit at and old wooden table where a ceramic pot and two cups rested. He poured steaming tea for both of them and offered one cup to Wu.
“Meaningful discussions should always occur over tea,” Zhang said. “For tea is symbolic of wisdom and patience.” Wu took the tea graciously and drank as Zhang nodded with approval.
“Now, tell me why you’re here,” Zhang said.
“Ten years ago, you were the master of Wing Chun School of Martial Arts, the most respected school in the country. One night, one of your students offended the Bandit King so he and his disciples murdered everyone in your school while you were away,” Wu said. “You hunted and killed both the Bandit King and his disciples, avenging your pupils and your honor.”
“Ancient history,” Zhang said.
“Help me with my vengeance,” Wu said. “I seek to avenge my father from a villain as vile as the Bandit King.”
“Revenge is the thief of one’s humanity, and because of this I cannot help you.”
“That is cruelty,” Wu said. “Why should you be the only one allowed the gift of revenge?”
Zhang set his cup down and closed his eyes before finally speaking. “I shall tell you my story, and if your desire for vengeance still burns like the sun, I’ll help you.”
Wu nodded and the teashop owner began his tale.
“My students were butchered, bodies scattered in a river of blood. I drank in that horrible scene and cursed the god that I loved for abandoning my students. Instead, I turned to the forbidden god of vengeance and prayed for the means to avenge the dead. The dark god heard my prayers and in a dream, I was instructed to follow the Path of Crows and kill everyone I met on this path, for they were the disciples of the Bandit King.
I awoke to the sounds of a crow, cawing outside my window sill. As I approached it, the bird flew away, but I followed those dark ominous wings until it led me to a path where dozens of the black birds lined the sides of it, all eyes watching me.
The Path of Crows.
I walked for five days along the path in solitude, stopping only for food, water, and rest. Whenever I came upon a fork in the road, it was the crows that were my compass. I surrendered my faith to these winged omens as they led me to my first encounter.”
“The Red Gambler,” Wu said. “The tales of the fight are legendary; an epic battle lasting three days and nights.”
“Three minutes,” Zhang said. “He failed to hit me with his Palm of Eternal Bad Luck and I countered with an elbow to his jaw, shattering it.”
“What was the name of your move?”
“An elbow-to-the-jaw. Naming a move is foolish vanity,” Zhang said. “The Red Gambler was defeated and begging for mercy while pleading his innocence. I stained the path red with his blood.
After his death, more crows joined the flock, their black eyes fixated on me as I cleaned the blood off my hands.
When I was done, they led me deeper down the dark road. For six months I walked with only the company of birds and enemies.
Every time I came across someone, I killed them, and like the Red Gambler, they too professed their innocence and begged for mercy. Ten men died by my hands, including infamous warriors such as Iron Claw, Jade Scorpion, and Brass Foot. I became an avatar for the god of vengeance, killing all along the path he had shown me. Each death drew me closer to the Bandit King, but also brought more crows to the flock until the shadow of their wings eclipsed the sun and the sky. I was covered in darkness.
The path ended at the home of the Bandit King, where I stood outside, screaming his name and challenging him to a fight to the death.
He never came.
It wasn’t until an hour later that a young girl, his daughter, came out of the house and led me to the back of the home. She pointed to a mound of dirt and a headstone — the Bandit King’s grave.
He had died of pneumonia months ago. I cursed the heavens for robbing me of my revenge. When I told the girl that I had killed ten of his disciples, what she said haunts me to this day.
‘He only had two disciples.’
When I left the house, I saw thousands of crows standing before me and they were making such a terrible sound. It took me a while to realize that they were all laughing; as if the corruption of my humanity was a twisted joke.
The god of vengeance had fooled me into murdering innocent men — good men — and in my quest for revenge, I lost both my honor and my soul.
I often wonder how long it is before someone walks along another path paved by the god of vengeance that leads straight to me?
That is the Path of Crows. When one path ends, another begins.
“And this brings me back to you,” Zhang said as he looked Wu in the eyes. “You’ve come under false pretences.”
“Yes,” Wu replied.
“I will not ask you to spare my life. I deserve no such mercy. But tell me, what path has he led you down?”
Wu replied with sadness in his voice. “My path is filled with the tears of ghosts and decaying tea leaves.”
*****
End
*****
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Filed under: indie author, Publications, short story, YA Fiction
January 9, 2013
Flash Fiction: The Last Temptation of Snow White
Picture of Snow White illustrated by LiberianGurrl http://liberiangurrl.deviantart.com/
“You look like a slut,” Snow White’s magic mirror had said, just before she and Red Riding Hood entered into the Satanic Gateway (which was really a crude pentagram they had drawn in chicken blood) serving as an entrance to Hell.
There was a time when her mirror told her that she was the fairest of them all, but not tonight. She was dressed like a porn star, her breasts spilling out of her tight vanilla gown. However the Inferno had a strict dress code for women — be scandalous.
“Look at the fuck-candy in line,” Red said as she winked at a couple of pasty-white vampires that stalked them with hungry eyes as they headed straight for the VIP entrance.
“People used to be scared of vampires. Now everyone wants to screw them,” Snow sighed.
“What’s got your panties all sour?” Red asked. Snow shook her head.
“Nothing.”
“Cheer up bitch, we’re going into the Inferno. We’re going to dance and get bombed tonight,” Red said with a seductive smile.
The Inferno Night Club was the hottest party in all of existence, located in the blazing outskirts of the second circle of Hell. The price of admission was merely a sacrificial chicken and a piece of your soul, which was worth as much as a Mexican peso to many of the club’s regulars — Snow and Red included.
Inside, the dance floor was a fierce ocean of sex-fuelled patrons; waves of sweaty bodies grinding against one another to the beat of an overpowering bass.
As usual, Red had already taken off, in pursuit of a man she would most likely fuck tonight.
Snow stood alone by the bar. Typically she would find a man for herself to remedy the ache of loneliness that she felt far too often, but she was in no mood tonight. It was their anniversary and memories of her Prince were like a knife twisted into her guts.
“Look at yourself,” her mirror had said in disgust while Snow changed to go out. “When did you completely lose yourself?”
It was an easy answer. Gone with her Prince was her innocence, and the fairy tale life that Snow thought she’d live in forever, was replaced with one-night stands, drug-fuelled fantasies, and a bleeding heart.
“Buy you a drink?”
Snow spun around to see a dashing man with misty grey eyes and fire-kissed lips. His very presence was intoxicating as she breathed him in like smoke.
“Not tonight,” Snow politely declined.
“A mystery then?”
She was intrigued. “What’s the mystery?”
The man pulled an onyx box from his jacket and held it in the palm of his hand.
“Inside this box is what you desire most,” he said.
“A back rub?”
He grinned. “No. You long for something else Snow.”
“You know my name?”
“I know everyone’s name that enters my club,” he said. His eyes burned like little stars.
“Lucifer,” she whispered.
“One of my many names,” he said. “The box is yours for a price.”
Snow shook her head. “I’ve been warned about dealing with the devil.”
“I make life interesting,” he said. “Take yours for example. You’re living in a tragedy. You go out, drink, pop pills, have messy and unfulfilling sex, and cry yourself to sleep. Isn’t it time we added spice into your life?”
He was right. She needed something to pull her out of the gutter.
“What do you want for it?” she asked
“Your ring.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
“It’s the only memory I have left of him.”
“He’s been gone for over a century,” Lucifer said. “The ring brings you nothing but pain. Let it go.”
Snow reached into her purse and took out the golden band.
“Happily ever after,” her Prince had said to Snow when he slipped it onto her finger. Snow had felt so alive that day. Her Prince had brought her back from the dead and lifted her into his arms. If only she could do the same for him.
Lucifer momentarily directed his attention elsewhere, a look of concern on his face.
“The imp’s at it again,” he cursed. “Stupid bearded gnome keeps flashing his rumpled-foreskin to the girls.”
Snow gripped the ring in her hand and clung onto it as if it were the most precious thing in all the universe.
“I have to handle that pervert before things get ugly. Literally,” Lucifer said. “Make a decision Snow. Mystery box of desires or that totem of sorrow you pathetically cling onto?”
Snow handed the ring over to him as tears streamed down the corner of her eyes.
Lucifer smiled and placed the box in her hand. “Open it at home,” he said before disappearing into the crowd.
Snow was alone again, and she stayed that way for a long time, lost in her thoughts. It wasn’t until the music morphed into a temperamental frenzy that she regained her senses.
She found Red sucking on a Vampire’s face while a werewolf stroked her from behind, leaving a furry mess over her crimson dress. Snow decided to go home alone.
#
“Are you okay?” her mirror asked when she returned to her condo. “I apologize for my harsh words.”
“It’s okay. You were right.”
Snow sat on the edge of her bed and stared at the box for a while. Finally, she lifted the lid.
Inside was a beautiful blood-red apple, radiating inside the darkness of the box. She immediately drowned in the memories of the past and she began to weep.
“Is everything okay?” the mirror asked.
She nodded.
“What’s in the box?”
“Something I wanted for a long time now,” she whispered.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Snow looked at the mirror and nodded as she gazed deep into her reflection. She once was a princess but now, all she saw was a ruined woman with mascara bleeding from her eyes. “I just need to sleep. Maybe tonight I can finally live happily ever after again.”
###
END
###
Did you like the story? Be sure to check out a preview of my first book Shadow of Wrath at the link below.
Shadow of Wrath Chapter One Preview
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Filed under: Publications, short story, YA Fiction
January 3, 2013
The 10 Commandments of Self Publishing Part 5: Marketing, Amazon, Synopsis, and Patience!
Welcome to the final part of the 10 Commandments of Self Publishing. For those that missed Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 you can click on the links below:
10 Commandments of Self Publishing Part One: Beta Readers, Editor, and Platform
10 Commandments of Self Publishing Part Two: Cover
10 Commandments of Self Publishing Part Three: Positive Attitude
10 Commandments of Self Publishing Part Four: Social Media
So now that you have a perfectly edited book with a kick ass cover, a positive attitude and friendly to all your friends and followers on goodreads, facebook, and twitter, what’s next? Here’s the hardest part of being a successful author.
Law number 7: Though Shall Come Up With a Marketing Plan
Your book needs to be discoverable and in order to do that, you need a marketing plan.
I highly recommend checking out the following sites to see some strategies that have worked for other authors:
http://www.lindsayburoker.com/
http://phoenixsullivan.blogspot.ca/
http://www.edwardwrobertson.com/
As for books on marketing here are my personal favorites (click on the names to link to Amazon):
Those are just some references to get you started, however you’re the one that has to pull together all the bits and pieces and decide what’s the best marketing strategy for you. My personal philosophy is the must successful marketer is the person that everyone is interested in. Be unique, be creative, and be friendly.
Law number 8: Though Shall Create an Eye-catching Synopsis
If you’re an author just starting out, how do you get someone to buy your book? The key my friend, is in the synopsis. In one single paragraph, you’ll need to summarize your novel and make it catchy for the reader.
Here’s a link to get you started:
http://writing-world.com/publish/synopsis.shtml
And another one:
http://www.wherethemapends.com/writerstools/writers_tools_pages/publishing_biz_pages/synopses.htm
One of my favorite synopsis comes from the Hunger Games. Let’s take a quick look at it:
In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the other districts in line by forcing them to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight-to-the-death on live TV.
One boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and sixteen are selected by lottery to play. The winner brings riches and favor tohis or her district. But that is nothing compared to what the Capitol wins: one more year of fearful compliance with its rule. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her impoverished district in the Games.
But Katniss has been close to dead before — and survival, for her, is second nature. Without really meaning to, she becomes a contender. But if she is to win, she will have to start making choices that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.
Imagine if the synopsis was something along the lines of:
Katniss Everdeen is thrown into a fight-to-the-death and needs to kill other kids to survive. There’s this other doe-eyed kid named Peeta who pines for her, but she doesn’t know if she likes him or not. Kids fight, kids die. Find out what happens!
Not exactly the most riveting sales pitch…
Law number 9: Thou Shall Create a Professional Amazon Page
Amazon is basically the main store where people will be making their purchases from. Thus it’s important that your Amazon page looks professional.
Ask yourself this question, if you’re looking to buy a book, would you rather go to a professional looking bookstore like Barnes and Noble and Indigo (for my fellow Canadians) or would you take a chance buying a book out of the trunk of someone’s beat up K-car that smells like kitty litter.
Okay, I exaggerate, your Amazon page can’t smell bad, but it can look unpresentable. If you want to see some wonderful examples of professional looking Amazon pages by indie authors, check out the following links:
http://www.amazon.com/HUNTER-Thriller-Dylan-Hunter-ebook/dp/B0057CTIJA/?tag=theatlasphere-20
Law Number 10: Patience!
And the final law is patience. The second you launch your book, you’re not going to hit the bestsellers list instantly. It will take time for your work to be discovered, reviewed, and spread by word of mouth.
If you’re thinking you can retire from your day job now that your book is uploaded onto Amazon, I would rethink handing in your two-weeks notice.
Enjoy the entire process. You’re a published author now and you deserve to pat yourself on the back and relax a bit, but not too long. After all, you have another book to write!
So let’s here it from you guys, are there any laws that I’m missing? How about posting your Amazon pages for us to see if you have one up?
Be sure to also join my email list where I’ll be giving away the first part of my book entitled Shadow of Wrath: Caged. You can preview it at the following link:
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Filed under: indie author, Insight, self publishing, Self publishing covers
