Nish Bey's Blog, page 2

Pam / LifesaversHow many servings do you think are in a 1...

Pam / Lifesavers
How many servings do you think are in a 12 oz. can of Pam?  12?  24? 48?  No.  No.  No.  How about 1,115?  Correct.  Nice guess.  That means that you can use the can every day for 3 years and not run out?  No f-ing way.  I have kept track, and we use a can in between 30 - 45 uses.  So why do they do it?  Because by having such a small serving size, they can claim there are no calories or fat.  Whereas if it was based on ¼ oz. or 48 servings for the can, they would have to disclose the calorie and fat content.
To prove my point even further, I went onto Youtube.com and watched every PAM commercial ever produced.  The commercials from the 1970’s had the actors actually spray the product into the frying pans.  During the commercial, they would spray for 2-4 seconds.  Well, guess what?  That is the equivalent of 20 to 40 servings.  PAM must be aware of that fact, so for the past 30 years, they never spray the product in their commercials.  
While on vacation with my family in Myrtle Beach last year, I spent an entire day on the phone with PAM and the FDA regarding this clear Dedra activity.  I pretty much got nowhere, but it was more fun than getting sand in my shoes.
On the reverse, guess what the serving size is for the large lifesavers that come individually wrapped?  One?  Nope.  If I told you it was either a ½ mint or 4 mints, what would you say?  I have asked that question to 10 strangers and all 10 of them guessed a ½ mint.  The answer?  4 Mints.  I have placed 3 calls in to the Wrigley company to try to understand their motive and I have not received a return phone call.
Moral: Everywhere you go in life, analyze the situation to see if it really makes sense.  Very few things are really logical.

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-Penguin...

I ended up being the Penguin!!!Based on my book, I feel a...

I ended up being the Penguin!!!
Based on my book, I feel as though I am a free thinking alien and not a Penguin.  However, today I got taken as the Penguin.  A friend of mine is a professor at a local university and had a speaking engagement and asked if I could proctor a test for him for his class.  Seeing that he is a business professor and I am a successful business owner, I agreed and did him the favor.
There was a strict time limit for the test of one hour.  There were about fifty students in the class and most finished close to the end of the allotted time.  I gave a five and one minute warning.  Upon the end of the time, I made the announcement that the test was over and the remaining three students turned in their test.  However, one student still worked and ignored my calls to turn in the test. 
About three minutes later, he brought his test up to turn in and I refused to accept it based on the clear rules that had been relayed to the class.  He pulled a very surprising line out for me asking “Do you know who I am?”  I obviously did not know who this entitled student was and began to tell him that it did not matter who he was, but he quickly responded, “Good” and slipped the test in the middle of the pile, messed up the papers, and ran out of the classroom.
The aliens above watching this display were proud of this young man and I did not even tell my friend about the incident.

What would an Alien think of human insults?What would an ...

What would an Alien think of human insults?
What would an alien think is meant when they hear humans swear at each other?  Let’s examine the words.
Mother f***er.  This is someone who has sexual relations with an experienced woman who is also a parent.  Most of us are married and are indeed having sex with a mother.  Is that an insult?
A**hole.  According to a survey, the bum of a woman is the second most desirable part of her body and the center of it all is the hole.  This is where many guys want to put many different parts of their body. 
Bitch.  This is a female dog.  Dogs are the most popular household animal.  Most people care more for their dog than they do their fellow human.  The female dog is the most beautiful of felines.
Although we know that these words are meant to inflict emotional damage, an alien would surely think that these terms are compliments and not insults. 
Moral: The next time you are called any of these names, thank the person and let them know why it makes you happy.

How are you?Do you know that on a typical day, you get as...

How are you?Do you know that on a typical day, you get asked “how are you?” or “how are you doing?” 4d6+3 times?  My data shows that 98% of people respond with “pretty good” or “not bad”.  These are the people on earth that are not living life to the fullest.  My default response, is usually “horrible”.  Once said, you get a variety of reactions from total silence to declarations that they have never heard anyone answer that way. 
My favorite group of people to do this to is unsolicited telemarketers as they often are reading from a script.  Most of the time the conversation goes like this:   Rep: "Hello sir, how are you" Me: "Awful." Rep: "That is good to hear.  I am calling today..." Me: "Why is it good that I am awful?"  Rep: "Huh?"  Me: "I told you that I am awful and you think it is a good thing." Rep: "Ah, that is not what I meant." Me: "Why ask me how I am doing if you are not even interested?" 
The conversation can continue in this manner for as long as you like. 
Moral: Treat every social encounter you have with someone as an opportunity to entertain either them or yourself.  Life on Earth is so short, don’t waste a single encounter.

20% coupon

I want to offer a 20% coupon if you want to purchase the book. The book can be purchased here: https://www.createspace.com/4014443 and you can use Coupon Code: UTLMFG27 for the discount. It is also available through Amazon in both paperback and Kindle version. Enjoy the book. Nish Bey
Don't Be a Penguin: Live Your Life Like an Alien

Interview with the author

Please check out this short interview with info about me and the book :)

http://www.ycrazymind.com/2012/11/don...Don't Be a Penguin: Live Your Life Like an Alien

Vasa Museum

Have you ever been to Sweden? If so, you likely went to their most popular museum, which is the Vasa Museum. This is an entire museum dedicated to this massive warship that was built in the 1600’s. It is truly the pride and joy of all of Sweden. Who cares? So what? Why the hell did I buy this stupid book? Would you please calm down you Dedra, I am getting to my point.

Anyways, I guess I was the only naive one who thought that there must be some amazing history behind this warship which is why they are so obsessed over it. It must have either sailed around the world or sunk over 100 enemy ships during a war. Nope and nope.

Instead, the first time it set sail in the water, it went 100 feet and then sunk to the bottom of the ocean for no reason. I am not making this up. Google it, if you don’t believe me. If I was in charge of a country, and something like this happened, I would get rid of every person that had any knowledge of the ship sinking to avoid the truth from ever getting out to my people and the rest of the world. I certainly would not dedicate an entire museum to show the world how incompetent we are. Makes no sense.

Moral: Build a museum around an accomplishment, not something you should be ashamed of.


Don't Be a Penguin: Live Your Life Like an Alien

Humans Eat What?!?!

When the aliens are looking down, they will see humans eating many strange foods around the entire planet. In my professional opinion, the strangest food that humans consume is ironically one of its most popular that almost everyone eats every day? What am I referring to? An egg.

Just take a deep breath and think about it for a second. A chicken gives birth and lays an egg. We steal their unborn baby, and eat it usually 30 to 45 days later, sometimes even without cooking it. The whole thing really makes no sense. I wish that humans never ate eggs, and then tried having people eat them on a reality show to see how they would react. I would imagine they would say....”Come on. Eat an unborn baby chicken that has been sitting on that shelf for 45 days. I mean, I really want to win that $50,000, but I have to draw the line here. I’m out.”

Moral: Anytime you see someone eat an egg, look up into the sky and think about the aliens laughing at that person.
Nish BeyDon't Be a Penguin: Live Your Life Like an Alien