Red Summer's Blog, page 2

What I Know for Sure… Equally Yoked

I used to hear the old folks talk about it. This concept of being in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t believe what you believe. It always had a religious connotation to it. Like you can’t get up every Sunday and go to church and your husband stays home scratching and watching sports. It won’t work. You two don’t share the same values. You’re not equally yoked. That made sense to me. You have to agree on the foundational things that a relationship is built on. Spirit and practice of religion is definitely one of those things. But, as I payed closer attention, I’m starting to believe that’s not only what it means.

When an animal is yoked, it is bridled and bound to an apparatus necessary for it to do a job. Often, two animals can be bound together and the two of them may pull a plow that will till the soil and prepare it for planting. The two animals, yoked together share the burden of pulling the heavy plow and make it easier to cover more ground in a shorter amount of time. Carrying the burden together, neither has to work harder than the other, neither carries more weight than the other and neither is worn out more than the other. But only if they are equally yoked. If not. One carries more weight, one does more of the work and one wears out faster. The one doing all of the work while the other moves along benefitting without contributing, becomes resentful.

What I know for sure is… you have to be equally yoked for your relationship to thrive. If one of you is bearing all of the burden of living, of working, of providing, of nurturing or of loving… they will wear out. You have to stop and reassess what work needs to be done. What goal are the two of you working toward and how will the two of you accomplish the goal. You both have to take your yoke and bind yourselves together in an equal manner. You both have to synchronize your steps and you have to move forward together. That’s the only way it works.

Because I Never Loved You… 12:30

I’m glad I never wrote you poetry

Never wasted a drop of ink

to ensure your immortality

Never spent an hour depicting you marvelous

Never carved into marble this feeling

I drafted for you

Not once did I try to describe

the things I lost in the fire of your tongue

not even for my girlfriends or the insurance adjuster

I did not outline you

defining the shape of your curve

or fill you in with vibrant color

I did not make you my art

Did not moan you into any microphone

Even when you crucified me

I crafted no graven images in your honor

Never named you gospel

Left no sepia snapshots to accentuate the obituary

I didn’t even watch the tears fall

in search of rainbows hiding

in the pools before they dried

No

I never danced this desperation

Never folded my heart into elaborate origami

And I most certainly

Never

Wrote you poetry

eschew (an ode to lil kim’s old face) 11:30

we agreed

you was some special kind of bitch

bad bitches, rich bitches, hood bitches unite

the queen approaches

 

even the feminists agreed

you had every right to be a bitch and a queen simultaneously

get free they said

wit yo bad self

 

those of us who were tired of being victims of “the gaze”

sang your praise

defended your open crotch with feminist rhetoric

and sexually liberated syntax

 

we even turned a blind eye to your new breasts

you can’t be a bad bitch with a flat chest

womanist all around heralded your sexual aggression

take that shit gurl… make him call yo name

 

but when your nose changed

then your cheeks

your skin

we fell silent

 

cause we knew we had lost you

that all that emphasis came with another pressure

perfection

and you… dear sister were a little too African to be perfect

 

we let them whisper it to you for too long

you could’ve kept yo man if you were lighter

whiter

and we never combatted it or did anything to stop it

 

we watched you fall

your stilettoed heel caught on a standard you could never quite achieve

we watched you fall

shook our heads and said… the queen is dead

 

we eulogized your image

replaced you with a cheep knock off

buried you in criticism

and left you there underground

 

 

 

10:30

some things are better

left unsaid/ those things we say

but we later dread

she get blue somewhere round 8:30

she sit up sometime

by de window

say she aint waitin

be we know she is

 

he used to come home

every night round this time

she used to say she aint notice

but we know she did

 

she stop putting red on her lips

just sit there lookin blue

she say that extra plate is just decoration

but we know it’s his

 

7:30 Diamond Cut

The worst part is

when you know you should have won

you should have been the one she saw and knew

the one she met and remembered

and loved

she should have loved you

because you loved her already

before you proved it

before you offered her your diamond shaped soul

to hold safely on her finger

and she should have known you were

the one

without you saying it first

or before you got her favorite cut set in the center

she should have seen you shine

the glimmer in your eye

the flush coloring your blushing cheeks

she should have seen you and known your value

known that this was real

this is what love looks like

and you should have won

you should have been the trophy

and the one to take home the prize

but

she didn’t

she left you in the box till times got tough

and pawned you for paper

and the worst part about it

is knowing

how you deserve so much better

than that

5-6:30 the great by and bye

 

God be giving me

Exactly what I ask for

But in her own way

 

Sometimes you hold on

hoping things will get better

and die still hoping

 

3/30 the outskirts of insomnia

sleep stays

just an arms length away

close enough to feel the cool breeze

of an exhale

on my neck

 

you tend to stay

much farther away

and i need both of you

to come closer

tonight

2/30

I’ve always preferred easy

liked the way it felt on my face

let my sandals hang off the edge of it

on Sunday afternoons

Then I learned what

good, old-fashioned work could do

to boost your confidence on a days work

well done

I always thought I wanted easy

but sometimes it’s worth rolling your sleeves up

and getting dirty for a good cause

1/30 the water

before i realized

you were right in front of me

a mirror

a pool of still water

reflecting all of the best and worst of me

back to myself

karmically

returning

everything

i’ve ever been

to everyone i’ve ever  been with

and i get it

now