Alexandra Wolfe's Blog, page 34
December 8, 2016
The BIG Red Button
Now look what you’ve gone and made me do … the dusting. And I had to rearrange the furniture and push the vacuuming cylinder across the linoleum chasing those dastardly dust bunnies. It really doesn’t pay to live in the desert. And all that noise. Oh my! Anyone would think this was a testing ground for those Atomic Boys and their toys. Blasting huge craters in the sand. I mean, it really doesn’t do, now does it? What did the sand ever do to deserve that kind of treatment?
What? Sorry, where are my manners? I almost forgot you were there, darkening my doorstep.
Please, come in, yes, take a seat.
Yes, I know, I moved it so you could look out the window and see those strange mushroom clouds off in the distance. Marvellous don’t you think. They say it’s bad weather coming in. But that Mikey, you know, who delivers the newspapers, said it was a sign of something though what, exactly, he didn’t know. Bless him. He’s only ten. I mean, what would a ten year-old know about the weather?
Exactly, nothing! But I tell you, that whooshing sound does hurt me ears and all that dust? I keep telling Fred, it’s no good. He’s going to have to do something to seal the windows better, because I swear, I’m at my wits end with dust, the shaking, and all that noise. Morning, noon and night, why, anyone would think we were at war. And those Boys of ours were cooking up some strange new fangled devices to fight the enemy, out there in those huge hangers of theirs.
It doesn’t bare thinking about.
But don’t mind me … how about we sit in the kitchen, away from the windows, and have some nice, cool, refreshing lemonade? My, that does sound good doesn’t it.
December 7, 2016
Omni Wisdom
Back in the day when such things still existed, I bought every copy ever published of the then amazing science fiction fact/fiction magazine: OMNI. The only thing I have left of said magazines are these one-liners copied into a rather tatty, priceless notebook.
BETELGEUSE — Instant space drink made from insects.
FINAL SOLUTION — The universal solvent.
VALIUM OF THE DOLLS — Robot tranquilizers.
MASTER BAITER — The ultimate in handheld fishing gear.
WHEREWOLF — Computer dating service for lycanthrophiles.
CY BORG — The bionic tennis player.
SEA OF TRANQUILITY — Bath salts.
KODACLONE — Duplicating film.
CYBERKNOT — Robot zippers.
ANDROMEDA STAIN — Hair-colour that makes you look like a star.
GOSSAMAR DODO — Human powered airplane for people who are afraid to fly.
MENTAL FLOSS — For removing extraneous material between brain cells.
QUASIMOTO — A four-wheeled, hard-topped moped made in France, affectionately known as the Hatchback of Notre Dame.
MRS. PAULI’S FISSION CHIPS — A high-energy snack.
SUTURE SELF — Home surgery kit.
SIC TRANSIT — A pill to counteract space sickness.
BATTLESTAR GALAXATIVE — Super deluxe space laxative.
C-3PO — Robot deodorant.
ALPHA SELTZER —A tablet that induces a meditative state.
CYBER-NOT — Robot repellent.
DRY SACKHARINE — The first sugar-free wine.
GANY MEADE — A fine pilsner beer chilled in liquid methane.
IMI-TATERS — Potato substitute.
APOLLO CAPSULES — The only contraceptive that makes re-entry as safe as the first.
SKY LABS — Government trained dogs used for retrieving space-debris.
MILK OF AMNESIA — To help you forget the problems of the day.
DILDOES — Pickled deer meat on a stick.
LIQUID PRO QUO — Water substitute.
PLUTONIUM BLONDE — A radiant new hair colour.
DEAD EARNEST — A male doll that simulates rigour mortis.
QUEASER — Space sickness pills.
CLEARSOL — Sunspot remover.
MALIG-NOT — A cure for the common cold.
RESURRECTOL — For prompt, temporary relief from death.
MC SQUARES — The crunchy breakfast cereal that equals energy.
December 6, 2016
A Friend In Need: Xena
Rob: “Ok, Renee. The setup for this scene is as follows. Xena’s over there half dead and she needs you to get the water from this fountain to give to her so she can defeat the swamp monster, ok?”
Renee: “Sure, Rob. No problem.”
Clapboard Guy: “Water Transfer Scene, take one!”
Renee: Runs to the fountain, cups her hands together, gets the water, turns, and starts back toward Lucy.
Rob: “CUT!! CUT!! Renee, what are you doing?”
Renee: “Um…what you told me to do?”
Rob: “In your MOUTH, Renee.”
Renee: “In my mouth…what?”
Rob: (exasperated) “The WATER.”
Renee: “The water? This water? The water that’s in my hands right now?”
Rob: “Yeeessss.”
Renee: “I thought I was supposed to be carrying it to Xena, not drinking it myself. Does Gabrielle need some strength for something? I don’t remember reading that in the script.” (Renee looks pensive)
Rob: “You’re not supposed to drink it, Renee.”
Renee: “I’m not?”
Rob: “No.”
Renee: “Then why is it in my mouth?”
Rob: “That’s how you’re gonna carry it over there.”
Renee: “In my mouth?”
Rob: “Yeesssss.”
Renee: “So…you want me to take the water that’s already in my hands and put it in my mouth, and then carry it to Xena?”
Rob: “Yeessss.”
Renee: “Um…why would I do that? Don’t people usually carry water in their hands if they don’t have a glass?”
Rob: “Well…yes.”
Renee: “So…am I gonna have to use my hands for something else?”
Rob: “Noooo.”
Renee: “No fighting off a hundred samurai?”
Rob: “Noooo.”
Renee: “No killing the swamp monster?”
Rob: “Noooo.”
Renee: “No rabid rabbits?”
Rob: “Noooo.”
Renee: “No groping Joxer?”
Rob: “Noooo.”
Renee: “No–”
Lucy: “Rin? Rin? Be a good mate and bring me that water, willya? I’m gettin’ parched lyin’ about like this.”
Renee: “In a minute, Lucy. I’m trying to figure out my character’s motivation here. [to Rob] So let me see if I’ve got this right. You want me to take the water that’s already in my hands and put it in my mouth, then carry it over to Xena over there, right?”
Rob: “Yessss.”
Renee: “And how’m I supposed to give it to her? Spit it back into my hands?”
Lucy: “That was really vexatious, Rin.”
Rob: “Oh for heaven’s sake…”
Renee: “What?”
Rob: “Just…just…just…”
Renee: “WHAT?!”
Rob: “JUST KISS THE GIRL!”
Renee: “Well why didn’t you say so in the first place?!”
Lucy: “Well alright!”
— The End —
December 5, 2016
Quoted
“Some people never participate. Life is what happens to them. They get by on little more than dumb persistence and resist with anger and violence all things that might lift them out of their resentment-filled illusions of security.” — Frank Herbert, Dune
November 7, 2016
The 14th Colony
Title: THE 14TH COLONY
Author: Steve Berry
Publisher: Minotaur Books, 2016
ISBN: 978-1250113857
Genre: Thriller
BACKCOVER BLURB
Shot down over Siberia, ex-Justice Department agent Cotton Malone is forced into a fight for survival against Aleksandr Zorin, a man whose loyalty to the former Soviet Union has festered for decades into an intense hatred of the United States.
Before escaping, Malone learns that Zorin and another ex-KGB officer, this one a sleeper still embedded in the West, are headed overseas to Washington D.C. Noon on January 20th—Inauguration Day—is only hours away. A flaw in the Constitution, and an even more flawed presidential succession act, have opened the door to disaster and Zorin intends to exploit both weaknesses to their fullest.
Armed with a weapon leftover from the Cold War, one long thought to be just a myth, Zorin plans to attack. He’s aided by a shocking secret hidden in the archives of America’s oldest fraternal organization—the Society of Cincinnati—a group that once lent out its military savvy to presidents, including helping to formulate three invasion plans of what was intended to be America’s 14th colony—Canada.
In a race against the clock that starts in the frozen extremes of Russia and ultimately ends at the White House itself, Malone must not only battle Zorin, he must also confront a crippling fear that he’s long denied, but which now jeopardizes everything.
WHAT I THOUGHT
Fast, fun, furious, I couldn’t put this one down. Why? Because it has all my favourite elements; not only is it a well-written thriller, with believable flawed characters, but Berry manages to make the historical background and info dumps enlightening, educational, and yes, even relevant in today’s climate.
With never a dull moment, The 14th Colony is the epitome of a page-turner. And while some reviewers have disliked Berry’s stye of writing from several viewpoints, I felt this heightened the tension, helped delineate the characters as much as it moved the action itself. Giving us a more in-depth look into character, motives and consequence.
All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable read.
A Word of Confusion
There are a number of MeMes doing the rounds at the moment, most of them heavy on the political. So here, for your edification, are a few of my favourite linguistic difference between English and American English, just to lighten the mood somewhat.
Mobile phone — Cell phone
Busy — Engaged
Off Licence — Liquer store
Petrol — Gas
Motorway — Highway
Lift — Elevator
Torch — Flashlight
Flat — Apartment
Primary School — Elementary School
Secondary School — High School
Mark — Grade
Pub — Bar
Underground — Subway
City Centre – Downtown
Car Park — Parking Lot
Chemist — Drugstore
Timetable — Schedule
CV — Resume
Post — Mail
American Football — Football
Football — Soccer
Film — Movie
Pocket Money — Allowance
Bonnet — Hood
Boot — Trunk
Pants — Underpants
Trousers — Pants
Zip — Zipper
Trainers — sneakers
Wardrobe — Closet
Garden — Yard
Bin — Trash can
Rubbish — Garbage/Trash
Autumn — Fall
Caravan — Trailer
Holidays — Vacation
Return — Roundtrip
Single — Oneway
Takeaway — Takeout
Sweets — Candy
Biscuits — Cookies
Crisps — Potato Chips
Chips — French Fries
October 26, 2016
House of Dolls
Title: HOUSE OF DOLLS
Author: David Hewson
Progress: 46 of 430 pages
I picked this one up as it was atop my new, smaller To-Read pile. And while I had no expectations, was at least hoping for a good read given I’d actually paid out good money for this door-stop of a book. Sad to say that 3 days in and I am struggling to persuade myself to carry on reading.
The terse, short sentences are making reading this rather bleak story, tedious, to the point it has become annoying.
Throw in the fact that there’s little, if anything about the main characters to grab me, or make me sympathetic to them in any way, shape or form. And I’m seriously questioning (a) why I bought the book in the first place and (b) if I’ll bother to tackle another 2-3 chapters to see if it improves on any level.
I gave it 8 chapters, time to move on to another book!
October 24, 2016
The BIG 5
With all the imprints out there, it’s sometimes difficult to know which imprint belongs to which of the big five publishers. But fear not, the people over at almossawi.com have compiled an amazing graphic showing who owns what imprint.
October 22, 2016
The Ashes of London
Title: THE ASHES OF LONDON
Author: Andrew Taylor
Publisher: HarperCollins, 2016
ISBN: 978-0008119089
Genre: Historical | Murder-Mystery
BACKCOVER BLURB
London, September 1666. The Great Fire rages through the city, consuming everything in its path. Even the impregnable cathedral of St Paul’s is reduced to ruins. Among the crowds watching its destruction is James Marwood, son of a traitor, and reluctant government informer.
In the aftermath, the body of a man is discovered in the ashes of St. Paul’s. But he had not died in the blaze – there is a stab wound to his neck and his thumbs have been tied behind his back. Acting on orders, Marwood hunts the killer through London’s devastated streets … where before too long a second murder is uncovered.
At a time of dangerous internal dissent, Marwood’s investigation will lead him into treacherous waters – and across the path of a determined and vengeful young woman.
WHAT I THOUGHT
THE ASHES OF LONDON is well plotted murder-mystery set amid the aftermath of the Great Fire of London, in 1666, and the political turmoil following the Civil War. Wherein a number of the ‘Fifth Monarchists’ continue to fan the flames of sedition long after the failed Commonwealth in the belief they can still bring about the installation of King Jesus; And a heaven on earth.
The intertwining threads of this story are seen through the eyes of the two main characters: James Marwood, caring for his aging father who’s suffering from the onset of dementia. This young man’s struggle is heartfelt; living down his father’s past while trying to make a living for them both, he’s caught in a web of lies, secrets, and betrayal while longing for a quiet ordinary life.
Catherine ‘Cat’ Lovett is the daughter of a fugitive ‘Regicide’ who, while in the care of her Aunt and Uncle, is raped by their son Edward. Throw in the fact that her Uncle has arranged a marriage of convenience and sold Cat’s inheritance to his own benefit, you can understand why she takes matters into her own hands. Not to spoil the reveal, Cat has her revenge but with devastating consequences for her, and those around her.
Andrew Taylor has fully fleshed out this unlikely pair, who carry quite the burden between them, both seemingly doomed by their fanatical fathers. Historical fact is blended seamlessly with fiction, blurring the lines with enough detail that brings every scene to life, so much so, you can almost smell smoke in the air. All of Taylor’s characters are true to their nature, and the age in which they live in, displaying the foibles and failings of the times. And in the case of Marwood—this wonderfully drawn character—there’s also a sense of duty and courage despite his situation and station in life.
All in all, a thoroughly engrossing read. I read this one in less than two days sucking up every last detail, learning a great deal along the way I didn’t already know, about this period in history. I highly recommend this one whether you are into historical fiction, or not. Well drawn, fully-fleshed out, plenty of intrigue and action, and a cast of characters Shakespeare or Marlowe might have conceived and written about.
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