Chelsea Brewer's Blog, page 2
September 18, 2012
DAY 17 of WITCICSD?
late blog post cuz i was too tired last night and the doozy headache came back. stupid canadian headache.
last day in Victoria. it was a pretty good one.
1. slept well. check out time was 11:30 (awesome) so i took my time getting ready and packed up. checked out at 11:29 (according to my new watch). i gave the front desk lady my room key, it took her forever to see that i had charged some dining to my room so she charged me for that separately. which is fine. but while she did she almost rang me up for $3000.00 of charges and TOLD ME ABOUT IT. "thank goodness i didn't press enter!" she says to me. i smile my "you're an idiot" smile and wait for her to have me sign. she does, then sees i made a long distance phone call and has to charge me for that too. then she can't figure out how to do something on the computer, so she has to call the hotel accountant that knows their computer system to come over and help her.
there is no Zen in Victoria....only Zule.
and lotus flowers in the Butchart Gardens.meanwhile, there is an elderly couple using the laundry facilities that have come back to return the key. and two more couples are sitting there waiting to be checked out that, worried that they'll be charged a late fee, because it's now after checkout time by several minutes.
the accountant lady shows up, fixes the computer with one click. the front desk lady thanks her, and continues to charge me, the old man just drops the key in front her on the counter, and then she tells the couples waiting that it'll be a few more minutes because she HAS to go to the bathroom. then she gets flustered with my last $7 charge and says this is how she gets when she has to go to the bathroom. at this point, the "you're an idiot" smile is gone from my face and i just wait with irritation. she finished my charges, another woman came to relieve her front desk duties so she could relieve her bladder... IDIOT.
2. went to the post office to send out 2 manuscripts to canadian publishers. though, now i'm not so sure i want canadians trying to publish my stuff. it might come out looking like a comic book or a stephen king novel. did some brief gift shopping, and took myself to my last lunch in Victoria. a pretty cool place with a pretty good cheap beer. then headed back into my car to go see the Butchart Gardens.
last beer in Canada. i'm obviously happy about this.
hi mommy!3. got there about a half hour later. it was beautiful. i won't bore you with the 175 pictures i took. but suffice it to say my favorite was the Japanese gardens. plus, i totally got lost in the rose gardens. it's a big circle of roses and somehow i couldn't find my way out. my headache started to come back around then and it was getting kinda bad. so i felt ready to leave but had about an hour and a half until i had to be at the ferry, so i killed more time and looked around more and took more pictures.
sturgeon fountain. badass.
this guy has ALL the answers.
4. got to the ferry fairly early. the Canadian customs people made a joke about Californians. i wanted to flip them the double finger and tell them how we can atleast control our bladder (present company excluded) but they can have me arrested for that.
these look like boobies. but pretty boobies!
did anybody see that Leprachaun!?! 5. on the ferry, it was quiet. not a lot of people at all. it was a good ride. i did some writing, enjoyed the sights. we pulled into Friday Harbor, tons of boats everywhere. some people got off, a few others got on, then we took off for Anacortes.
as we left Friday Harbor, i stayed at the back of the boat outside. i watched as we pulled away from the harbor, watching the sky change from light to dark behind the NW mountains, from pink to orange. eventually it just became a silhouette view of the mountains topped with endless fir trees. it was chilly, but how often do you get to see the sky change behind the NW mountains while riding on a ferry? totally worth it.
too pretty to go inside.6. we arrived back in Anacortes and got back into our cars. this was the first car in line that everybody had to pass. the couple inside were making out. but then they made it to the front seat and kissed and cuddled. i had to take a picture. it was sweet. i realize this might be exploiting them, but i look at it more as sharing their love. it was pretty cute.
good for them.7. got back to Anita's to stay the night and pick up my luggage and have some more deep conversations. it felt nice to share my breakup with somebody so impartial with so much wisdom. she had some good questions and insights and bits of advice. i listened to all of it. we stayed up fairly late and by that time, my headache was still pretty bad. so i had to take 2 more ibuprofen on top of the 4 i'd already taken to try to put me to sleep. thank god for movies on my lappy toppy.
the American journey home begins tomorrow. maybe a stopover in Anacortes, then back to Kayse's in Kent. i'm surprised to say i'm happy to get back home. after leaving my hotel room, i really felt ready to be home. not exactly homesick. but i feel like a few accomplishments were made on this trip that i really wanted to accomplish.
here's to a few more along the drive down. thank you, Canada. you may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but you certainly help cast a good light. i'll see you again someday. and i'm bringing a LOT of books for you to read about, ya know, stuff.
self portrait. i can't believe how good this turned out.
i'm super pretty. and awesome....
last day in Victoria. it was a pretty good one.
1. slept well. check out time was 11:30 (awesome) so i took my time getting ready and packed up. checked out at 11:29 (according to my new watch). i gave the front desk lady my room key, it took her forever to see that i had charged some dining to my room so she charged me for that separately. which is fine. but while she did she almost rang me up for $3000.00 of charges and TOLD ME ABOUT IT. "thank goodness i didn't press enter!" she says to me. i smile my "you're an idiot" smile and wait for her to have me sign. she does, then sees i made a long distance phone call and has to charge me for that too. then she can't figure out how to do something on the computer, so she has to call the hotel accountant that knows their computer system to come over and help her.
there is no Zen in Victoria....only Zule. and lotus flowers in the Butchart Gardens.meanwhile, there is an elderly couple using the laundry facilities that have come back to return the key. and two more couples are sitting there waiting to be checked out that, worried that they'll be charged a late fee, because it's now after checkout time by several minutes.
the accountant lady shows up, fixes the computer with one click. the front desk lady thanks her, and continues to charge me, the old man just drops the key in front her on the counter, and then she tells the couples waiting that it'll be a few more minutes because she HAS to go to the bathroom. then she gets flustered with my last $7 charge and says this is how she gets when she has to go to the bathroom. at this point, the "you're an idiot" smile is gone from my face and i just wait with irritation. she finished my charges, another woman came to relieve her front desk duties so she could relieve her bladder... IDIOT.
2. went to the post office to send out 2 manuscripts to canadian publishers. though, now i'm not so sure i want canadians trying to publish my stuff. it might come out looking like a comic book or a stephen king novel. did some brief gift shopping, and took myself to my last lunch in Victoria. a pretty cool place with a pretty good cheap beer. then headed back into my car to go see the Butchart Gardens.
last beer in Canada. i'm obviously happy about this.
hi mommy!3. got there about a half hour later. it was beautiful. i won't bore you with the 175 pictures i took. but suffice it to say my favorite was the Japanese gardens. plus, i totally got lost in the rose gardens. it's a big circle of roses and somehow i couldn't find my way out. my headache started to come back around then and it was getting kinda bad. so i felt ready to leave but had about an hour and a half until i had to be at the ferry, so i killed more time and looked around more and took more pictures.
sturgeon fountain. badass.
this guy has ALL the answers.4. got to the ferry fairly early. the Canadian customs people made a joke about Californians. i wanted to flip them the double finger and tell them how we can atleast control our bladder (present company excluded) but they can have me arrested for that.
these look like boobies. but pretty boobies!
did anybody see that Leprachaun!?! 5. on the ferry, it was quiet. not a lot of people at all. it was a good ride. i did some writing, enjoyed the sights. we pulled into Friday Harbor, tons of boats everywhere. some people got off, a few others got on, then we took off for Anacortes. as we left Friday Harbor, i stayed at the back of the boat outside. i watched as we pulled away from the harbor, watching the sky change from light to dark behind the NW mountains, from pink to orange. eventually it just became a silhouette view of the mountains topped with endless fir trees. it was chilly, but how often do you get to see the sky change behind the NW mountains while riding on a ferry? totally worth it.
too pretty to go inside.6. we arrived back in Anacortes and got back into our cars. this was the first car in line that everybody had to pass. the couple inside were making out. but then they made it to the front seat and kissed and cuddled. i had to take a picture. it was sweet. i realize this might be exploiting them, but i look at it more as sharing their love. it was pretty cute. 
good for them.7. got back to Anita's to stay the night and pick up my luggage and have some more deep conversations. it felt nice to share my breakup with somebody so impartial with so much wisdom. she had some good questions and insights and bits of advice. i listened to all of it. we stayed up fairly late and by that time, my headache was still pretty bad. so i had to take 2 more ibuprofen on top of the 4 i'd already taken to try to put me to sleep. thank god for movies on my lappy toppy. the American journey home begins tomorrow. maybe a stopover in Anacortes, then back to Kayse's in Kent. i'm surprised to say i'm happy to get back home. after leaving my hotel room, i really felt ready to be home. not exactly homesick. but i feel like a few accomplishments were made on this trip that i really wanted to accomplish.
here's to a few more along the drive down. thank you, Canada. you may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but you certainly help cast a good light. i'll see you again someday. and i'm bringing a LOT of books for you to read about, ya know, stuff.
self portrait. i can't believe how good this turned out.i'm super pretty. and awesome....
September 17, 2012
DAY 16 of WITWCICSD?
beginning to see some lightaround all this darkness.Day 16....
feeling soooo much better. and Vancouver helped out quite a bit.
1. didn't sleep great, but still slept in. today was a day to get out finally. i felt better, lighter. ate in the hotel diner: a bacon cheeseburger and a blue buck beer. so disgusting and so delicious. did a little more window shopping. then it was time to wait for the shuttle to come pick me up and go.....
2. WHALE WATCHING. the shuttle took me down to the docks where tons of boat tours etc. take off from. not to mention the adorable little neighborhood that is settled amongst the docks. people actually live there and it's awesome. the boat was running a little late so we had time to kill. i had a $3 scoop of ice cream and walked the docks. a really drunk guy (in the middle of the day, classy) asked me if i had a boyfriend, shook my hand, told me his name and then told me to have a nice day and went back inside his little water floaty home.
Cape Fear makes this place look like Disneyland.3. there were several pups around the dock. one little aussie shepard looking puppy. one little old jack russel terrier that was a lover. and 4 wild harbor seals that were hanging out around the deck. they were the cutest things ever! i love seals. otters are my favorites. but these guys made me miss my puppy back home. she'd also eat raw fish if she could.
i can haz attention?
so ugly that it's cute.like, horrendously cute.
4. went back to the whale watching floaty thing and a bunch of us suited up: windbreaker jackets and pants, and some gloves. about 25 of us loaded up onto a boat and we headed out. it took about an hour or so to get out to where the whales were going to be, so i took some pics of the view and of my face.
we saw one killer whale. he got super close, then all of a sudden super far. it was like Grover. then he disappeared. i think the captain was afraid he had failed us.
near.......FARRRR!!!!!!then the guy took us way far away where a ton of whales were. now, my parents camera sucks up battery power like you wouldn't believe. but this entire trip i've only replaced the batteries twice. to be safe, i brought along two extra sets of batteries. by the time we reached the first lone whale, i had to change the batteries. by the time we got to the big group, the last set was running out. so, i'm sorry to say that i didn't get any really good pictures because A. batteries and B. the whales were all over the place and not in a pack, so they'd be on one side of the boat, then the other, then the other again, then the back, then the first side, then right in front of the boat, you get the picture (well, the figurative one, anyways). 
about as good as i could get. still it's pretty awesome.HOWEVER, being out there, standing on my seat and holding onto the frame of the boat while speeding through the open water of the middle of the Puget Sound with Canadian mountains surrounding us all around in the distance was very therapeutic. we were going about 40 mph (or blah blah blah kilometers) above 50 degree (or blah blah blah celsius) water with killer whales all around us. we went about 175 miles (or blah blah blah meters), all the way over to Vancouver. this was the type of adventure i was hoping for. the wind, the sun, the speed. it was awesome. 
i like my bangth.5. since the boat was already running late, it ended up running later. which meant we took off an hour late. we didn't dock until after 8. didn't get back to the hotel until almost 9. hadn't eaten since 12:30 and my doozy of a headache was back. so i went walking around. i'm sure my folks will cringe at that. but it was fine. a nice night, lots of people walking around, people here are nice and not very violent. but it was about 9:15 and everything was closed. shit. then i turned a corner hoping to lead me back to that pizza place i went to yesterday as a last ditch resort, and saw a beacon of hope: Indian food. i love indian food. and this place was great. an authentic fresh indian meal. the owner was there and he was talking to everybody. the place was quite busy for a late sunday evening. the waitress and busboy were so nice. i had a newcastle with my paneer tikka masala. it was last-night-in-a-different-country heaven. walked back to the hotel in the cool air. now City Slickers is on.
well, if i go swimming, sure. stupid canada.6. still trying to raise funds for Jeff and Sarah. i can't collect the money unless i reach my goal of $3500 and i'm only up to $2055. i'm so happy that the fund is raising up but we need more. please, if you haven't already, go there and donate whatever you can. $5, $25, it doesn't matter. every little bit helps. and share the link with your friends! PLEASE!
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/fMKP7?...
i'm sorry for the dark posts the last few days. i've had a lot of emotional shit to get through. it's been a tough year. but part of this trip was to force a catharsis and try to enjoy the sights while i went through it. it's working.
part of this trip was to audition potential cities to which i'd move. i can't really say if i've found any place i'd be happy with, at least not yet. Lake Samish has moved to my goal list though. a nice little home on the waterfront, and it ain't that expensive, surprisingly enough.
way to be poignant, Canada. another part of this trip was to do it just because i can. this isn't something i would've been able to do a couple years ago. and with the ex, i never would have gone because he wouldn't have. this isn't the last time i do something like this. it might be for a little while, we'll see.
but for now, it's pretty. freakin. awesome.
week two, done. the trip home begins tomorrow. i'm sorry to be halfway done. i'm sorry to have to go home. but i'm happy i've gone this far. i'm happy to see my family again. i'm happy to feel better. i'm excited to see what's changed in my head when i get back.
and by the way, buy my book. please?
http://www.amazon.com/Girly-Stories-C...
September 15, 2012
DAY 15 of WITWCICSD?
DAY 15....
this hotel room has already paid for itself. here in Victoria, i'm enjoying the luxurious queen sized bed and wooden panels on the walls.
1. woke up before 6:30 with quite figuratively a splitting headache. had to take something and watch TV for an hour before it went away. headaches don't normally bother me, i get them all the time. but it's never fun to wake up to one. and this one was a doozy.
2. stayed in bed until about 3:30. i decided to take this day to do NOTHING. i shed some of that shitty heartache, slept on and off, watched some more TV. i felt so emotionally exhausted, i just couldn't get myself to get out and deal with the world. especially up here in canada. these nice stupid people were not what i felt like facing today. i'm too smart and mean.
my view for most of the day. i'm perfectly okay with this.
3. but eventually i DID get up. all's i did was throw on some clothes and go for a small walk around the area. i did some window shopping. talked to a UNICEF representative. gave a homeless man 2 cigarettes. even the homeless people are polite here. (too bad i wasn't wearing stilettos and had any ninja stars ;) )
not much for a view, but it's nice nonetheless.
i've been trying to buy a watch for years. when i first moved back to bakersfield 7 years ago, my watch died on the way home, like literally while i was driving the moving van. i never replaced the battery. and since i massage for a living, i can't wear any watches or rings to work. so i never replaced it. my ex bought me one for xmas a couple years ago that 12 year old chelsea would have LOVED. but 31 year old chelsea hated it. so i've been meaning to buy a new one. today i did. i went into a little watch shop run by an old Korean couple and found a little silver one with the date on it and a stretchy bracelet band. plus, it was on sale. the guy added 4 extra links so it wouldn't be too tight and didn't charge me for it. and at exactly 4:00 he sold it to me. i'm in time-telling heaven now.
thinking of naming her Vicky.
picked up two slices of pizza and a C-plus orange soda (bomb). went back to the room and i've been here all night watching movies.
don't bother me, i'm sleeping.ironically enough, Eat Pray Love was on today. so was Casino. and now Goodfellas. i'm good for the rest of the night. feeling better. i needed to decompress today. gangster movies are great for doing that. cuz even if i'm feeling shitty, at least my murdering mobster husband isn't trying to kill me or make me hide diamonds in my hairdo.
this hotel room has already paid for itself. here in Victoria, i'm enjoying the luxurious queen sized bed and wooden panels on the walls.
1. woke up before 6:30 with quite figuratively a splitting headache. had to take something and watch TV for an hour before it went away. headaches don't normally bother me, i get them all the time. but it's never fun to wake up to one. and this one was a doozy.
2. stayed in bed until about 3:30. i decided to take this day to do NOTHING. i shed some of that shitty heartache, slept on and off, watched some more TV. i felt so emotionally exhausted, i just couldn't get myself to get out and deal with the world. especially up here in canada. these nice stupid people were not what i felt like facing today. i'm too smart and mean.
my view for most of the day. i'm perfectly okay with this.3. but eventually i DID get up. all's i did was throw on some clothes and go for a small walk around the area. i did some window shopping. talked to a UNICEF representative. gave a homeless man 2 cigarettes. even the homeless people are polite here. (too bad i wasn't wearing stilettos and had any ninja stars ;) )
not much for a view, but it's nice nonetheless.i've been trying to buy a watch for years. when i first moved back to bakersfield 7 years ago, my watch died on the way home, like literally while i was driving the moving van. i never replaced the battery. and since i massage for a living, i can't wear any watches or rings to work. so i never replaced it. my ex bought me one for xmas a couple years ago that 12 year old chelsea would have LOVED. but 31 year old chelsea hated it. so i've been meaning to buy a new one. today i did. i went into a little watch shop run by an old Korean couple and found a little silver one with the date on it and a stretchy bracelet band. plus, it was on sale. the guy added 4 extra links so it wouldn't be too tight and didn't charge me for it. and at exactly 4:00 he sold it to me. i'm in time-telling heaven now.
thinking of naming her Vicky.picked up two slices of pizza and a C-plus orange soda (bomb). went back to the room and i've been here all night watching movies.
don't bother me, i'm sleeping.ironically enough, Eat Pray Love was on today. so was Casino. and now Goodfellas. i'm good for the rest of the night. feeling better. i needed to decompress today. gangster movies are great for doing that. cuz even if i'm feeling shitty, at least my murdering mobster husband isn't trying to kill me or make me hide diamonds in my hairdo.
DAY 14 of WITWCICSD?
DAY 14....
leaving La Conner hopefully means leaving some of that heartache behind. because Aunt Anita will always be there to visit.
bye bye La Conner, i'll miss you. hopefully you won't return
my belongings when i come back in a few days.
hello Victoria, BC, Canada. i'm from America. we do things veerrryyyy differently and we're a bunch of paranoid assholes. but, we might be a little bit smarter.....
1. woke up at 5:45 to see Jess and Josh leave. Anita made coffee and the 4 of us had one last talk about stuff, then it was time for them to head off on one of their several 12+ hour drive towards Kansas. we gave big hugs and kisses, and Anita and i watched them drive away. then we immediately went back to bed.
2. woke up a few hours later and Anita and i talked over coffee and bagels. i got ready, put my big suitcase in Anita's garage for safekeeping of all but 4 days worth of clothes and stuff, packed my duffel into the car, and left for the ferry for Canada. the hour long wait went by fast. that's good because my kindle's battery was dead. which reminds me......okay, charging.
3. as soon as i found my seat on the ferry, i got almost overwhelmingly sad. it was really quite ridiculous. it's weird, i'm doing fine, but i'm so sad. i'm trying to find the pattern. i think it's leaving things/places behind. which is clearly symbolic. but man, am i exhausted. so i went outside and took pictures around the boat. at one point, the wind was strong and cold and too much. but we made a turn, and it became a soft breeze that was almost warm. i stayed out there for a long time. when i was ready to go inside, i started working on day 2 of the retreat book. i'm planning on working on it every day while i'm here. it'll be a short chapter, so maybe i can get into day 3....
see ya, America.
4. got cruised on the boat. or i'm just flattering myself. more than likely, i'm just flattering myself.
dude on the far left may or may not have followed me to the other side of the boat.
his friend to his right was trying to support his efforts.
the guy to the right of them was a body building douchebag. ridiculous jeans.5. we got there and drove off. heading through customs, i was one of the first cars off. but i had pepper spray which is an illegal weapon in Canada. so i had to pull over and wait to have it confiscated- pardon me, so i could surrender it. so i waited and waited and waited. finally all the cars were gone and the lady came over and took it. she took my ID which doesn't have my current address on it and wanted to know when i moved from there and why. i was too scared to tell her i'd moved 8 times in the last 7 years. she disappeared for a while and i thought she was going to come back to tell me that she found that out and i was too suspicious to be allowed into Canada. thankfully, all was well.
i got in trouble. waiting to get disciplined.she gave me directions to my hotel, correcting herself once. her first directions were correct and i couldn't find the place. so i had to call Jess (thank goodness for international calling) who had to direct me through Victoria to find my hotel. thank you Jeeze! shut up Josh. found it safe and sound.
headed into Vic. 6. checked in about 2 hours after i got off the ferry. i'm only about 20 miles away, btw. the hotel is pretty standard. but MY room is in a special courtyard section that is super private, super quiet, and you need a key just to get into the courtyard. i'm sure that makes my family very happy now that i don't have any pepperspray.
the hotel is attached to an old restaurant, where i went for dinner. and waited forever. about 15 minutes later the lady brought me water. a year later she took my order. by that time i was so drained and feeling shitty that i told her i wanted my dinner to go. i had a canadian beer and finished it before she even brought me my food. yes, i can drink fast. but she was real slow. she even kept telling customers how she was "sorry it's taking so long, i'm walking around looking like an idiot." i concurred.
my first canadian beer. won't be my last.she brought out a cafeteria tray and when my food was ready, she put the plates on it and told me to just leave it in my room when i was done. so i walked all the way to the other end of the hotel with this big heavy tray, up two flights of stairs. my room is literally the second to the last room on my floor. all i could think about was how i was going to get to the room before mine, and trip.
7. stayed in my room, watched an old SNL and tried to eat dinner. but i was still feeling shitty. eventually i went out looking for a liquor store. no such luck. 7-11 and that one little grocery store don't carry beer. so i went back to the room, took a couple melatonin, and was out by 10.
pluses: this hotel is awesome. the people here are super nice. i had a green light but stopped for a pedestrian that was coming from the side who moved behind my car and waved me forward while saying "you got the green light, love." i'm not even 10 minutes from this awesome touristy part of town. i'm also pretty sure i'm near their own version of chinatown. my hotel is really nice and comfy. my nails are looking fabulous. there's people everywhere and everyone is happy.
they've grown out past my fingertips. girly.minuses: i was super frustrated at not finding my hotel. i'm tired of feeling like shit. i don't even want to do anything the rest of the trip. i am not happy right now.
Hello Sidney. can you take my pepper spray and give
me incorrect directions? you can? awesome!
oh Canada, you're just like any other man. you're Manada. i won't burn your flag or anything like that. i'll just talk shit behind your back, then wait all night for you to call me.
i'm either staying in my hotel room all day, or forcing myself to appreciate this once in a lifetime experience. i'll decide after lunch. which i'll be having delivered to my hotel room.
leaving La Conner hopefully means leaving some of that heartache behind. because Aunt Anita will always be there to visit.
bye bye La Conner, i'll miss you. hopefully you won't return my belongings when i come back in a few days.
hello Victoria, BC, Canada. i'm from America. we do things veerrryyyy differently and we're a bunch of paranoid assholes. but, we might be a little bit smarter.....
1. woke up at 5:45 to see Jess and Josh leave. Anita made coffee and the 4 of us had one last talk about stuff, then it was time for them to head off on one of their several 12+ hour drive towards Kansas. we gave big hugs and kisses, and Anita and i watched them drive away. then we immediately went back to bed.
2. woke up a few hours later and Anita and i talked over coffee and bagels. i got ready, put my big suitcase in Anita's garage for safekeeping of all but 4 days worth of clothes and stuff, packed my duffel into the car, and left for the ferry for Canada. the hour long wait went by fast. that's good because my kindle's battery was dead. which reminds me......okay, charging.
3. as soon as i found my seat on the ferry, i got almost overwhelmingly sad. it was really quite ridiculous. it's weird, i'm doing fine, but i'm so sad. i'm trying to find the pattern. i think it's leaving things/places behind. which is clearly symbolic. but man, am i exhausted. so i went outside and took pictures around the boat. at one point, the wind was strong and cold and too much. but we made a turn, and it became a soft breeze that was almost warm. i stayed out there for a long time. when i was ready to go inside, i started working on day 2 of the retreat book. i'm planning on working on it every day while i'm here. it'll be a short chapter, so maybe i can get into day 3....
see ya, America. 4. got cruised on the boat. or i'm just flattering myself. more than likely, i'm just flattering myself.
dude on the far left may or may not have followed me to the other side of the boat. his friend to his right was trying to support his efforts.
the guy to the right of them was a body building douchebag. ridiculous jeans.5. we got there and drove off. heading through customs, i was one of the first cars off. but i had pepper spray which is an illegal weapon in Canada. so i had to pull over and wait to have it confiscated- pardon me, so i could surrender it. so i waited and waited and waited. finally all the cars were gone and the lady came over and took it. she took my ID which doesn't have my current address on it and wanted to know when i moved from there and why. i was too scared to tell her i'd moved 8 times in the last 7 years. she disappeared for a while and i thought she was going to come back to tell me that she found that out and i was too suspicious to be allowed into Canada. thankfully, all was well.
i got in trouble. waiting to get disciplined.she gave me directions to my hotel, correcting herself once. her first directions were correct and i couldn't find the place. so i had to call Jess (thank goodness for international calling) who had to direct me through Victoria to find my hotel. thank you Jeeze! shut up Josh. found it safe and sound.
headed into Vic. 6. checked in about 2 hours after i got off the ferry. i'm only about 20 miles away, btw. the hotel is pretty standard. but MY room is in a special courtyard section that is super private, super quiet, and you need a key just to get into the courtyard. i'm sure that makes my family very happy now that i don't have any pepperspray. the hotel is attached to an old restaurant, where i went for dinner. and waited forever. about 15 minutes later the lady brought me water. a year later she took my order. by that time i was so drained and feeling shitty that i told her i wanted my dinner to go. i had a canadian beer and finished it before she even brought me my food. yes, i can drink fast. but she was real slow. she even kept telling customers how she was "sorry it's taking so long, i'm walking around looking like an idiot." i concurred.
my first canadian beer. won't be my last.she brought out a cafeteria tray and when my food was ready, she put the plates on it and told me to just leave it in my room when i was done. so i walked all the way to the other end of the hotel with this big heavy tray, up two flights of stairs. my room is literally the second to the last room on my floor. all i could think about was how i was going to get to the room before mine, and trip.7. stayed in my room, watched an old SNL and tried to eat dinner. but i was still feeling shitty. eventually i went out looking for a liquor store. no such luck. 7-11 and that one little grocery store don't carry beer. so i went back to the room, took a couple melatonin, and was out by 10.
pluses: this hotel is awesome. the people here are super nice. i had a green light but stopped for a pedestrian that was coming from the side who moved behind my car and waved me forward while saying "you got the green light, love." i'm not even 10 minutes from this awesome touristy part of town. i'm also pretty sure i'm near their own version of chinatown. my hotel is really nice and comfy. my nails are looking fabulous. there's people everywhere and everyone is happy.
they've grown out past my fingertips. girly.minuses: i was super frustrated at not finding my hotel. i'm tired of feeling like shit. i don't even want to do anything the rest of the trip. i am not happy right now. 
Hello Sidney. can you take my pepper spray and giveme incorrect directions? you can? awesome!
oh Canada, you're just like any other man. you're Manada. i won't burn your flag or anything like that. i'll just talk shit behind your back, then wait all night for you to call me.
i'm either staying in my hotel room all day, or forcing myself to appreciate this once in a lifetime experience. i'll decide after lunch. which i'll be having delivered to my hotel room.
September 14, 2012
DAY 13 of WITWCICSD?
WARNING: somebody is "feeling" stuff. it gets a little bitchy.
similar post as yesterday. i'll still highlight the streaks, but keep the allover color for last.
HIGHLIGHTS
1. woke up. stretched. put my feet on the floor. looked down onto the sheet where my back had been laying all night and noticed some.....crud. teeny tiny pieces of black and brown bits spread around where my back was. upon further inspection, i saw a leg.....and another.....and another. that's right, i rolled over onto a spider in my sleep and killed it and smushed it to pieces.
i did not vomit or run out of the room screaming. i poured some beer out on the ground for it first, THEN i vomited and ran out of the room screaming.
2. i was the first one up so i got the coffee started. grabbed my lappy toppy and headed outside to the quiet patio. this is one of my favorite things in the world to do: sit outside first thing in the morning, rain or shine (about 68 degrees, bakersfield people) and write. especially when the entire house is still sleeping. i sat out there for a half hour before Anita came out. i had some coffee, a cigarette, some peace and quiet, some creativity, some fresh air. this is what i want to do everyday for the rest of my life. i hope i get it.
3. Anita made pancakes. in true Jess and Chelsea form, we had peanut butter on them. plus fresh peaches and homemade appasauce. more conversation, this time about scary movies. Psycho, the Grudge, Paranormal Activity, and Alien were mentioned and rated. not to mention explanations and deconstructions.
4. we all got ready and headed out to Anita's old house up on the hill that she and her ex-husband built years ago. she sold it several years ago and it's back up on the market. she's a real estate agent and she's the one marketing it. Jess took some pics of it for the website and we got a tour of this super awesome house with an amazing view of the marina. we could all only be so lucky to have a house with a view like that just once in our lifetime.
pictures do it zero justice.5. went back to the house and started to schedule....CANADA! it's happening tomorrow. organized some luggage, booked the ferry and hotel, getting nervous. don't ask me why.
i'm telling you i hear "Sweet Haven, God must love us" in my head.6. J&J and I went to Jess' ex-stepmother's father's house for a small family gathering, she's still quite close to that side of the family. on the way, we stopped off at Martha's Beach. i regret to inform you that i took NO pictures of this place. but jessi did and they are beautiful. she did more pics for my cover idea. me meditating on a big log in the middle of the water with the sun setting in front of me. it's just beautiful.
Jess doing what she loves.7. back to the house for more big talks. Josh went to bed early since he and Jess are leaving around 6 in the morning. but us girls stayed up and had some conversation. lots of heartbreak, lots of tears, lots of trust. i will only divulge my info. there are no secrets, but there are things that aren't mine to tell.
"there's a 20 cent getting off the boat tax"
NOW FOR THE COLOR
Rainbow Bridge has taken me to the other side of this breakup.seriously, i don't know what it is about this place but i am feeling so many emotions. it feels like it's all the honesty discussed here. i mean, these are big talks we're having here, people. mine consist of a breakup that i haven't yet fully healed from. the rest of the talks are shit that are so personal i can't go into. and it's wonderful.
i am feeling so much heartbreak right now that i had an anxiety attack about it today. for those of you that suffer daily from anxiety, feel free to slap me. i'm sure i sound pathetic when i complain about the breakup. i keep hearing in my head "it's just a breakup, chelsea. get over it already." but i ain't over it yet and i ain't good at pretending like i am. so this anxiety attack hits me and i can't hold still, i start freaking out, i had to freak out to jessi, take a xanax and go meditate. for ME, that's a lot of anxiety. i almost felt sick, like i might be dying. it felt like i should go to the doctor to find out that this yucky feeling i'm having is actually a sort of flesh eating bacteria that works its way from the heart out.
to my family, you may want to skip this paragraph, but you know me, i'm honest:
i hate that i have major rejection issues, i hate that i can't stop thinking about sex but i really don't ever want to trust another man again enough to be with him. i hate that i honestly and genuinely feel that i never have to love again because one way or another, they WILL NOT WANT ME and it won't be worth it. i am a substitute, a seat warmer, a space filler. i am an obligation, i am practice. and i really am not worth it. i help to kill the time. and i'm not really good at being a partner, lover, friend, companion, wife, whatever it is. but hey, nobody wants to be alone, right? so i'll do for now.
(for those that don't know me well might think i'm a stalker or crazy. i'm not. i'm well aware that this is just part of what i have to go through. feeling all that makes me sad, which makes me happy. why would i be sad about not wanting to be in love again if it didn't matter to me? so really, i'm just a big softy)
the past two months or so have been great. little spots here and there, but i'm good. now all this sadness and anger are coming up like food poisoning again. i feel that if i don't open my mouth and let it out, i'll die. so here i am, emotionally vomiting all over Jess and Anita, hoping that when i wake up in the morning, i'll feel better. but sometimes it's not food poisoning, it's a stomach flu and it lasts for days.
i'm fucking dehydrated already. it's time to go get some medicine. i have to check myself in and wait to hear my name called.
Canada, here i come, ALL BY MY GODDAM SELF.
swimming to the surface, trying not to drown.
similar post as yesterday. i'll still highlight the streaks, but keep the allover color for last.
HIGHLIGHTS
1. woke up. stretched. put my feet on the floor. looked down onto the sheet where my back had been laying all night and noticed some.....crud. teeny tiny pieces of black and brown bits spread around where my back was. upon further inspection, i saw a leg.....and another.....and another. that's right, i rolled over onto a spider in my sleep and killed it and smushed it to pieces.
i did not vomit or run out of the room screaming. i poured some beer out on the ground for it first, THEN i vomited and ran out of the room screaming.
2. i was the first one up so i got the coffee started. grabbed my lappy toppy and headed outside to the quiet patio. this is one of my favorite things in the world to do: sit outside first thing in the morning, rain or shine (about 68 degrees, bakersfield people) and write. especially when the entire house is still sleeping. i sat out there for a half hour before Anita came out. i had some coffee, a cigarette, some peace and quiet, some creativity, some fresh air. this is what i want to do everyday for the rest of my life. i hope i get it.
3. Anita made pancakes. in true Jess and Chelsea form, we had peanut butter on them. plus fresh peaches and homemade appasauce. more conversation, this time about scary movies. Psycho, the Grudge, Paranormal Activity, and Alien were mentioned and rated. not to mention explanations and deconstructions.
4. we all got ready and headed out to Anita's old house up on the hill that she and her ex-husband built years ago. she sold it several years ago and it's back up on the market. she's a real estate agent and she's the one marketing it. Jess took some pics of it for the website and we got a tour of this super awesome house with an amazing view of the marina. we could all only be so lucky to have a house with a view like that just once in our lifetime.
pictures do it zero justice.5. went back to the house and started to schedule....CANADA! it's happening tomorrow. organized some luggage, booked the ferry and hotel, getting nervous. don't ask me why. 
i'm telling you i hear "Sweet Haven, God must love us" in my head.6. J&J and I went to Jess' ex-stepmother's father's house for a small family gathering, she's still quite close to that side of the family. on the way, we stopped off at Martha's Beach. i regret to inform you that i took NO pictures of this place. but jessi did and they are beautiful. she did more pics for my cover idea. me meditating on a big log in the middle of the water with the sun setting in front of me. it's just beautiful.
Jess doing what she loves.7. back to the house for more big talks. Josh went to bed early since he and Jess are leaving around 6 in the morning. but us girls stayed up and had some conversation. lots of heartbreak, lots of tears, lots of trust. i will only divulge my info. there are no secrets, but there are things that aren't mine to tell.
"there's a 20 cent getting off the boat tax"NOW FOR THE COLOR
Rainbow Bridge has taken me to the other side of this breakup.seriously, i don't know what it is about this place but i am feeling so many emotions. it feels like it's all the honesty discussed here. i mean, these are big talks we're having here, people. mine consist of a breakup that i haven't yet fully healed from. the rest of the talks are shit that are so personal i can't go into. and it's wonderful.i am feeling so much heartbreak right now that i had an anxiety attack about it today. for those of you that suffer daily from anxiety, feel free to slap me. i'm sure i sound pathetic when i complain about the breakup. i keep hearing in my head "it's just a breakup, chelsea. get over it already." but i ain't over it yet and i ain't good at pretending like i am. so this anxiety attack hits me and i can't hold still, i start freaking out, i had to freak out to jessi, take a xanax and go meditate. for ME, that's a lot of anxiety. i almost felt sick, like i might be dying. it felt like i should go to the doctor to find out that this yucky feeling i'm having is actually a sort of flesh eating bacteria that works its way from the heart out.
to my family, you may want to skip this paragraph, but you know me, i'm honest:
i hate that i have major rejection issues, i hate that i can't stop thinking about sex but i really don't ever want to trust another man again enough to be with him. i hate that i honestly and genuinely feel that i never have to love again because one way or another, they WILL NOT WANT ME and it won't be worth it. i am a substitute, a seat warmer, a space filler. i am an obligation, i am practice. and i really am not worth it. i help to kill the time. and i'm not really good at being a partner, lover, friend, companion, wife, whatever it is. but hey, nobody wants to be alone, right? so i'll do for now.
(for those that don't know me well might think i'm a stalker or crazy. i'm not. i'm well aware that this is just part of what i have to go through. feeling all that makes me sad, which makes me happy. why would i be sad about not wanting to be in love again if it didn't matter to me? so really, i'm just a big softy)
the past two months or so have been great. little spots here and there, but i'm good. now all this sadness and anger are coming up like food poisoning again. i feel that if i don't open my mouth and let it out, i'll die. so here i am, emotionally vomiting all over Jess and Anita, hoping that when i wake up in the morning, i'll feel better. but sometimes it's not food poisoning, it's a stomach flu and it lasts for days.
i'm fucking dehydrated already. it's time to go get some medicine. i have to check myself in and wait to hear my name called.
Canada, here i come, ALL BY MY GODDAM SELF.
swimming to the surface, trying not to drown.
