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How Changing Your Self-Image Can Help You to Deal with Anxiety and Stuttering

If you’re a person who stutters, or stammers then you may have noticed one thing – a link between anxiety and stuttering, i.e. before you actually stutter, you feel anxious about the prospect of speaking. This article contains an adaptation of the famous Swish Pattern from the field of NLP, which you can use to create a new self-image to help you deal with anxiety and stuttering. Before I explain the technique, I’m going to explain the link between anxiety and stuttering using an example.

An Example of the Link between Anxiety and Stuttering

Michelle is a person who stutters. One particular situation where she usually stutters is when she says her friend Dina’s name. Michelle has been analysing how she feels just before attempting to say Dina’s name. She has been monitoring her thoughts—the images and movies going on in the screen of her mind. When she thinks about saying Dina’s name, she realises she is remembering previous times she stuttered when saying her friend’s name. She is creating horror films on the screen of her mind and picturing herself really struggling to say Dina’s name. This makes Michelle feel extremely anxious and sends terror down her spine.

The Stimulus-Response Model to help explain Anxiety and Stuttering

Anxiety and stuttering can be explained using the stimulus-response model. For instance, let’s say a challenging speaking situation for you is talking to your boss because you usually stutter when you do so. You dread this type of situation. Just thinking about it sends shivers down your back. In this case, you have created an unhelpful response (which is experiencing dread, worry etc.) to the stimulus, which is a thought you have in your mind about speaking to your boss. This thought triggers anxiety, which you feel in your body. Usually this results in you avoiding speaking to your boss whenever you can.

How to Change Your Self-Image – An Adaptation of the Swish Pattern

In the following exercise, you will create a powerful and empowering self-image so that when you think of a difficult speaking situation, you will send your brain to your new self-image so that you feel confident and motivated to go into the speaking situation, instead of avoiding it.

First, read each step in the exercise a few times and follow the example of a hypothetical person (Garry) to give you an idea of what to do. After this, come back to the beginning to do the exercise yourself.

Step 1 – Identify the Challenging Speaking Situation to be Changed

Think of a speaking situation which causes you to feel anxious. Try and think of a speaking situation which will be happening soon, either in few days or a few weeks’ time. The negative emotion(s) you experience can be referred to as a state.

I will talk you through this with an example. Garry is a person who stutters and he has been invited to a wedding in a week’s time. Garry finds it difficult to go to weddings because he worries he will stutter when speaking to other guests.

Think of your own difficult, upcoming speaking situation and write it down.

Step 2 – Identify the Image of this Speaking Situation Experience

In this step, you get a full image of your difficult speaking situation on the screen of your mind. This is called the ‘cue picture’, which triggers the feelings of anxiety inside you. Whatever your difficult speaking situation you want to change is, imagine yourself there. You can either imagine a previous experience where you were in a similar speaking situation, or imagine one which will happen in the future. Identify what sounds and feelings are in the picture. Identify the brightness, distance and colour.

Using Garry’s wedding example, in this step he gets an image in his mind of a wedding. It is a wedding he went to last year. Inside it, he is looking out of his own eyes and he can see other guests sitting on chairs. The picture is in colour. He also sees men standing around who he knows. Some of them are extended family members. Others are family friends. The overall picture is clear and the other people in it are close to him. He is worried about chatting with others around him because he is afraid he might stutter. This image creates anxiety in his body.

Do something similar for you own difficult speaking situation. Once you have got such an image on the screen of your mind, notice the negative feelings it creates in you. After you have done this, mentally put this image to one side and move onto the next step.

Step 3 – Develop a Desired Self-Image Picture

What would your desired self-image look, sound and feel like? This would be a self-image where you spoke confidently and without fear. Create your new picture on the screen of your mind and give it visual characteristics and add any sounds and feelings to it. Create a picture of this you that would no longer become anxious about stuttering. Make this image as compelling as possible and keep adjusting it, by changing its colour and any sounds and feelings in it, until it is very attractive.

Consider the following questions to help you create such an image. If you no longer had this type of response to this particular speaking situation, how would you see yourself as being different? What would be the value of changing this way of being? What would it mean about you?

For instance, for this step, Garry imagines the new him who would have no problem going to weddings and speaking to other guests. He can see himself standing tall and proud, smiling a lot and he feels confident at a wedding. He is dressed smartly. At the wedding, Garry is confidently chatting with his family members and family friends. He can see himself having fun and he is feeling really good about himself.

Now, you do something similar and create a picture of the powerful and confident you. Keep making changes to the characteristics of the picture until it really compels you and draws you in. Stay on this step as long as you need to before moving onto the next one.

Step 4 – Link the Two Pictures

Begin with the ‘cue picture’ of the speaking situation that triggers the anxiety in you and make it big and bright.

Into the lower left corner of that picture put a small, dark image of the second picture – the desired you for whom this speaking situation is no problem.

At this point you are entertaining two images in your mind. You are seeing the world from your own eyes in the ‘cue picture’ and seeing the empowered you in the tiny dot in the lower left corner. You are looking out of your own eyes in the first picture and dissociated (you can see yourself) in the second.

Using Garry’s example, he is now seeing two images in his mind. He is looking out of his own eyes into to the image of him at the wedding and feeling anxious about all the extended family and family friends around him. He can also see a little dot in the lower left corner of the confident him who is enjoying being at a wedding.

Do something similar for your two images.

Step 5 – Switch the Pictures

In this step, you will quickly allow the ‘cue picture’ to fade out far back into the distance and at the same time you will let the dot that contains the desired image to very quickly get bigger and brighter and closer. As the ‘cue picture’ gets smaller, darker and distant, let the new picture of you switch in and completely cover the screen of your mind. You do this very quickly in less than a second.

So, for Garry’s example, he quickly allows the image of him being very anxious at a wedding move backwards into the distance and fade away. At the same time, he allows the desired image of the confident him at a wedding to get bigger and quickly move closer to him so that it covers the screen of his mind. All of this takes a maximum of a second.

Do the same with your two images.

Step 6 – Switch 5 Times

After the first switch, close your eyes and blank out the screen of your mind. Alternatively, open your eyes and look around.

In Garry’s example, after he has done the first switch, he opens his eyes and looks around at the room he is in.

You too, close your eyes and blank out the screen of your mind then open your eyes and look around at your surroundings.

Now do it again. Go back to the linked pictures and repeat the process 5 times. After each switch, clear your mental screen either by closing your eyes or opening them and looking around you.

Step 7 – Test

Now test to see if this has worked. Allow yourself to think about the triggering ‘cue picture’ that sets off the anxiety about the prospect of stuttering. Notice what happens. As you think about the ‘cue picture’ does your mind now immediately go to the new picture of the confident you? If so, it has worked.

In Garry’s example, after he has switched his two images 5 times, he now allows himself to think of the first image of him feeling anxious at the wedding. As he does this, his mind now automatically switches to the image of the confident him who is enjoying himself speaking with other people at a wedding.

Do the test yourself now, and see if your mind automatically goes to the image of the new you who is very confident, instead of the image of you struggling in a speaking situation.

If you mind doesn’t go straight to the new you image go back to step 6 and switch both images 5 more times and then test again.

 

Bibliography

Bodenhamer, B.G. and Hall, L.M., 1999. The User’s Manual For The Brain Volume 1. Carmarthen, Wales: Crown House Publishing.

 

NLP coaching for stuttering

Are you interested in how NLP can help you to overcome the anxiety of stuttering? You might want to take a look at the coaching I offer for people who stutter, or stammer.

 

Image credit: Pixabay

5 NLP Techniques for Stuttering

If you’re looking for NLP techniques for stuttering, or stammering, in this article, I’m going to share 5 techniques which you can start using today. The NLP techniques for stuttering are geared to helping you challenge unhelpful beliefs you may have about stuttering. Each technique uses an example scenario of a person who stutters and the problem the individual is trying to address. You can use each technique on a similar problem you might be facing, or any other issues related to stuttering. I’ve also included some useful questions you can ask when implementing each of the techniques. If you have questions about any of the techniques, please leave a comment in the comments box and I will get back to you.

 

1. Is it really good for my health?

With the ‘Is it really good for my health?’ technique, you look at the current belief you have about stuttering and exam it like a doctor would exam you if were feeling ill.

With this approach, you consider whether the belief you have is limiting or enhancing your life.

Example

Daniel has a presentation coming up at college and is worrying like crazy about it. He has been telling himself that he just won’t be able to give the presentation without stuttering.

Daniel has been using the ‘Is it really good for my health?’ technique.

He looks at his belief and asks himself whether it helps his current situation? He asks himself if the belief empowers him and whether it helps him to feel more positive.

Of course the answers to all these questions is no. This alone helps in lessening his worry, and he is now encouraged to make the most of the time he has left to learn his presentation and rehearse it several times, so he can deliver it fluently.

Useful questions for this technique

Questions that can be very helpful to ask yourself when using the ‘Is it good for my health?” technique are:

Does this belief really help me at this moment?

Does it limit or enhance my life?

Does it help my mind to remain balanced?

 

2. Is this my identity?

With the ‘Is this my identity?’ technique, you take a limiting belief you currently have about yourself and stuttering, and you consider whether you want such a belief to describe you.

Example

Annie is currently looking for a new job, and is reading a job description for a sales assistant in a clothes shop on a job website. She has always fancied working a clothes shop because she likes fashion. However, she has been telling herself there’s no point in her even applying because her stuttering would prevent her come communicating with customers. This makes her feel worthless.

Annie has been using the ‘Is this my identity?’ technique.

She thinks about whether this is the way she wants to think of herself, as someone who always avoids going for the jobs she wants to because she is afraid she might stutter?

And of course, she doesn’t.

Useful questions for this technique

Questions that can be very helpful to ask yourself when using the ‘Is this my identity?” technique are:

Do I really want this limiting belief about myself to define me?

Do I want this belief to be one of the characteristics of my identity?

 

3. View of the world

With this approach, you look at your belief about stuttering as just a view and not as a real thing. Doing so allows you to observe the belief objectively, enabling you to create some distance from it, making the initial belief less rigid.

You also begin to challenge the belief by considering whether is it is ‘real’, as in an object, which can be held, seen or heard.

Example

Dennis has been really stressed because his office’s Christmas party is coming up soon. He keeps telling himself that he won’t be able to converse with colleagues sitting next to and opposite him, and because of this, he’ll look weird.

Dennis has been using the ‘View of the world’ technique.

He writes down the belief he currently has onto a piece of paper. He then begins to analyse it and asks himself who taught him to think this way and whether his colleagues would believe the same about him. He also considers whether what he is telling himself is really real.

Of course, he realises that it was him, himself who created the belief and his colleagues would definitely not believe the same, as they talk to him every day at the office. He also considers whether he can actually pick up this belief that he won’t be able to converse with colleagues at the Christmas party and hold the belief in his hands.

And the answer is he can’t as it is just a belief he has created himself.

Useful questions for this technique

Questions that can be very helpful to ask yourself when using the ‘View of the world?” technique are:

How did I come to this conclusion?

Who taught me to think this way?

Does everyone think and believe this?

Is it just something I’ve created myself?

Can I hold this belief in my hands?

 

4. Using value

Using value is about looking at what you really value in life and considering whether your limiting belief about stuttering is one which supports what you truly give value to. You consider whether such a belief is something you really care about.

Example

Lynne has a limiting belief about her stuttering, which is that she will be a failure if she doesn’t speak fluently when asking a question to her lecturer during a history class.

Lynne has been the ‘Using value’ technique to help overcome this limiting belief.

She thinks about what she values in her life, which is always giving everything her best go. She then considers whether her belief that she will be a failure if she doesn’t speak fluently, when asking her lecturer a question during her history class, helps her to live her life with the value of always giving it her best go.

When she puts it like this, she realises that such a belief does not support what she values.

Useful questions for this technique

Questions that can be very helpful to ask yourself when using the ‘Using value’ technique are:

What do I really value in life?

When I take these values and consider the limiting belief I have about stuttering, does this limiting belief allow me to live my life where I’m living out what I value?

 

5. Using positive intention

With this technique, you take an unhelpful limiting belief about stuttering and instead of focusing on the negative statement; you explore the positive intention behind it.

By doing this, you can create a sense of understanding for why you currently believe your current belief and learn to do something else instead.

Example

Wendy is getting nervous about a date she has coming up with a guy called Brad. She is feeling under stress, is worrying, and tells herself Brad will think badly of her when he realises she has a stutter.

Wendy has been using the ‘Positive intention’ technique.

She thinks of any positive intention lurking in the background behind her believing this and she understands the reason, which is because she wants to make a good impression on Brad as its they’re first date.

She remembers that Brad has dyslexia and that she doesn’t judge him because of this. Therefore, there’s no reason for Brad to judge her because of her stuttering, as no one is perfect.  Wendy also remembers that a first date is nerve-racking for both people involved.

Wendy then considers how else she can make a good impression on Brad, and decides to really listen and show interest in what Brad has to say during the date.

Useful questions for this technique

Questions that can be very helpful to ask yourself when using the ‘Positive intention” technique are:

What is my positive intention in believing that?

What could I do which will still give me the results of my positive intention but in a better and healthier way than the current belief?

 

Bibliography

Dilts, R., 1999. Sleight of Mouth: The Magic of Conversational Belief Change. Capitola, CA: Meta Publications.

Hall, L.M. and Bodenhamer, B.G., 1997. Mindlines: Lines for Changing Minds. Clifton, CO: Neuro-Semantics Publications.

 

NLP coaching for stuttering

Are you interested in how NLP can help you to overcome the fear and anxiety of stuttering? You might want to take a look at the coaching I offer for people who stutter, or stammer.

 

Image credit: Pixabay

10 Top Articles about NLP and Stuttering You Should Read

If you’re a person who stutters, or stammers (PWS) and are looking for ways to help yourself to overcome challenges around speaking, you may have come across Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) as a form of therapy. There are a number of great articles and resources about NLP and stuttering on the Internet. In this article, I’ve selected ten articles about NLP and stuttering you should read if you’re serious about using NLP to help you with your stutter, or stammer.

1. How Beliefs and Self-image Can Influence Stuttering

Written by Alan Badmington, this article gives an initial account of Alan’s experiences with stuttering, or stammering. He then writes about his use of tools that helped him to create control over his speech, however, Alan also explains his realisation that his inner world in the form of what he believed about himself remained fragile. Hence, he began to look at ways to change his internal chatter and concept of self-image. Alan gives an excellent overview of how limiting beliefs are created and how they can continue to torture us for years, unless we recognise them for what they are, and explains how they can be challenged. He also writes about how visualisation helped him alter his self-image and take control of what movies he created in his mind.

2. Meta-Stating Stuttering: An NLP Approach to Stuttering

Dr L. Michael Hall and Dr Bobby G. Bodenhamer in their article, look at stuttering and how states contribute to the actual behaviour of stuttering, where a state of stress kicks things off. This state of stress is then meta-stated with what people who stutter say to themselves, which negates their stuttering (e.g. “I must not stutter”) and creates anticipatory anxiety that precedes the stutter. Dr Hall and Dr Bodenhamer explain the opposite to stuttering, which they define as speaking in a relaxed manner – states associated with this relaxed speaking could be feeling calm without self-consciousness. The article also includes an interesting case study where Dr Bodenhamer talks a person who stutters through the Drop Down Through Pattern, a powerful NLP technique for stuttering; the result of which is the person who stutters speaking fluently and calmly afterwards.

3. The Neuro-Semantics approach to gaining fluency

This article is written by Nigel Wilson who shares his views on stuttering, or stammering and his experiences of applying NLP and Neuro-Semantics (a field, which is an extension of NLP and formalised by Dr L. Michael Hall and Dr Bobby G. Bodenhamer) to his own stutter. Nigel shares some interesting questions around why people who stutter can speak fluently in certain contexts (e.g. talking to oneself or to a pet), yet stutter in other situations. He continues to discuss how as people who stutter, we need to address the learned responses (in the form of unhelpful thoughts, meanings and beliefs), in order to create a sustained relief from stuttering.

4. How I Recovered from Stuttering

This piece is actually an inspirational keynote speech John C. Harrison delivered in 2002 at the Annual Meeting of the British Stammering Association. In it, John talks about his perspective of stuttering as a system and introduces his famous Stuttering Hexagon model, which consists of components including the following working in an interactive way: emotions, behaviours, perceptions, beliefs, intentions and physiological responses. He also talks about many other things such as when he started stuttering and how his stuttering impacted him as a child. He explains how factors such as being highly sensitive, being a perfectionist and wanting to please others and conforming to other’s expectations, contributed to his own stuttering.

What really stood out for me is what John comments about in relation to his own recovery, and what he identified was that stuttering is a problem with the experience of speaking with others. It isn’t a problem with the way speech is produced. Another key takeaway for me is when John talks about the importance of learning to observe, so that a person who stutters can watch oneself and ask questions about why he/she is stuttering in any particular situation and what could be the underlying beliefs, which contributes to what John calls as ‘blocking’. John also shares some wonderful tips for people who stutter, which among others include starting to read and becoming knowledgeable about being a human, journaling, and interacting with other people over the Internet and learning from their experiences.

5. The Swish Pattern

Underlying the NLP model is what is known as patterns. Each pattern is made of a set of steps, which enable people to do various things like overcome phobias, destroy excuses that hold a person back, remove negative memories and create empowering states to help deal with stuttering. The Swish Pattern is one of the most famous NLP patterns and it is my favourite. In The Swish Pattern article, Tim Mackesey, Speech Language Pathologist has written a step-by-step adaptation of the Swish Pattern, which makes use of your left and right hand. Go read the steps and start using the Swish today!

6. Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Stuttering

In this article I explain two ways in which NLP techniques for stuttering can help you – one through observing negative thoughts, and their structures and two, how these thoughts can be changed into more resourceful ones. In the article, I give an example of how you can change how you feel about a thought about stuttering and how you can replace a stuttering thought with an empowering thought or state (meta-stating as defined by Dr L. Michael Hall and Dr Bobby G. Bodenhamer).

7. If Your Mockingbird Won’t Sing

Ruth Mead in this article shares some inspirational ideas of how to look at speech and stuttering. One of Ruth’s key premises around stuttering is the working of two systems in our brains – one is the unconscious brain, which is responsible for spontaneity and effortless actions such as speaking. The other is the part of the brain, which wants to control consciously everything around it. Ruth discovered her belief that she had to control the way she spoke triggered the conscious brain to do what it isn’t intended to do; namely produce speech. She found that by trying to control speech, the spontaneous, involuntary speech was gone. Ruth also describes a wonderful metaphor about a mockingbird, which helped her to relinquish the need to control her speech and contributed to her recovering from stuttering. You can learn more about Ruth’s recovery from stuttering in her book entitled Speech is a River.

8. “How Did The Traffic Light Turn Green?”

This article written by Hazel Percy is a fantastic read. Hazel shares her life story and writes about how stuttering held her back in life; such as through limiting the jobs she went for and remaining quiet during social situations. She also talks about the positive experience she had from joining the McGuire programme, which enabled her for the first time to experience what it was like without stuttering, and allowed her to proceed to greater achievements such as public speaking. However, after the course, Hazel still had unanswered questions about using the technique she had learnt in certain situations. Her quest for solutions led her to finding John Harrison’s book How to Conquer Your Fears of Speaking Before People and learning about his Stuttering Hexagon model, which she could resonate with. This then led Hazel to finding about Neuro-Semantics, learning about the field, seeking therapy in this area, uncovering unconscious beliefs and finding out ways to change what she believed about herself and others. Subsequently, Hazel also attended another McGuire course, which gave her the encouragement to deliberately stutter in front of others; doing so gave Hazel a great sense of empowerment!

9. At a loss for no words

Although this article isn’t totally about NLP, it does explain how I got into NLP in my own journey in addressing stuttering, or stammering. I’m including the article in this list, as some of you may not know about my background and might be curious in finding out more. I have to admit, NLP, along with meditation have been central in helping me overcome the fear and anxiety of stuttering.

10. IS=EB: Stuttering Inside & Out

In this particular article, Tim Mackesey explains how internal states such as being anxious about the anticipation of stuttering can create external behaviours such as the physical behaviour of stuttering, and behaviours associated with the stuttering such as avoidance of eye contact, or blinking. Tim explains that in treatment, by only addressing external behaviours, SLPs helping an adolescent or adult who stutters will notice a plateau in the treatment given, which will then result in relapse. He emphasises the importance of ensuring SLPs help a person who stutters or stammers to tackle any major internal state issues (such as avoidance, or anxiety) as well as the physical aspects of speaking. Tim’s article makes a number of references to children who stutter, and his article offers useful guidance for parents who are seeking to understand their children’s stuttering better, and want to learn how they can help their youngsters.

Are you looking for an NLP practitioner to help you with stuttering? You may be interested in NLP coaching, which I offer to people who stutter.

Image credit: John Jewell on flickr and reproduced under Creative Commons 2.0

Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Stuttering

Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP is the study of human subjective experience. The field aims to give understanding to why we humans think and behave the way we do, and provides tools to model and replicate thought patterns and behaviours demonstrated by the most successful of individuals. NLP can also be used to model unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and can help people to create better, more empowering ways of being instead. It can be used in numerous fields ranging from sport to leadership. What about Neuro-Linguistic programming for stuttering? Read on to learn about two ways how NLP can be used for stuttering.

Observe negative thought patterns and their structures

Although stuttering is mainly characterised by the struggle to speak; these challenges with saying what a person wants to say can be associated with huge amounts of fear, worry, and anxiety. For instance, if you’re a person who stutters, you might worry about having to tell family members you don’t see very often about your work when they ask you. The ‘worry’ has a structure in your mind and body.

For example an aunt might be coming to visit your house at the weekend. Although this event hasn’t happened, your mind is already creating an internal movie of the last time your aunt came to your place, and she asked you how you were getting on at work. You stuttered in a way which you perceived as being ‘badly’. You recreate this whole experience in your mind again, feeling bad, even though it isn’t happening right this very minute. Just the knowledge of your aunt about to come to your house soon creates this internal mayhem in you again. By observing this internal ‘movie’ of when your aunt visited last time, you can start to do different things. You can observe it as being just a ‘movie’, or a ‘thought’ – something that happened once before and isn’t happening at this moment. By observing the internal experience structurally from a distance, rather than getting caught up in the movie or thought again, you can play around with how you feel. This then allows you to do the following.

Change negative thought patterns to more useful and empowering ones

Try it now. Think of a time recently when you stuttered, felt real bad and get a movie of it in your mind. However, instead of looking out of your own eyes into the movie, observe it like a spectator from a distance looking at yourself in the movie. Does this lessen the intensity of the negative feelings? If it does, you’ve just experienced how you can change the structure of your thoughts and alter the experience it creates in your body.

Another way of changing a negative thought or movie about stuttering is to create an empowering state, which could be of use to you. Just like you can re-create a negative experience around stuttering, you can also create another state – let’s say confidence. Try this one now. Remember a time when you were really confident. It doesn’t matter if the time was even some years back. Perhaps you were on vacation swimming in the ocean and you and felt really confident doing so. Create a movie of this experience on the screen of your mind so that it feels as if you’re having this confident episode again. Really crank up this confidence and when you’re feeling super confident, using your imagination, apply this confidence on top of the negative movie of your stuttering recently. Does this confident state overpower the negative movie about stuttering? If so, you’ve just completely transformed a negative experience about stuttering into something more useful and resourceful.

Want to learn more about how NLP can help you with stuttering? You may be interested in NLP coaching I offer for stuttering.

Image credit: Pixabay

Interview with Joe Wilner of Shake off the Grind

Today I’m delighted to share a recent interview I did with Joe Wilner, a top class life coach, whom I greatly admire. In the interview, Joe shares his experiences with coaching and blogging, gives advice on how we can improve our lives and explains how his new e-course called Unstoppable Confidence can help people. Read on to find out more:

1. Tell us a bit about your background and how you got into life coaching.

Hiten, first off thanks for having me and taking the time to do this interview.

Life-coaching was something that I stumbled upon by accident. I studied psychology in college and was on track to become a licensed therapist before I ever even knew that personal coaching existed as a profession. I always wanted to help people and do something meaningful to impact peoples’ lives, so I figured therapy was a great route to take.

Once I learned about coaching however, and how inspiring the coaching process can be, I knew I wanted to learn more and start working with people in this capacity. I started learning more and taking different trainings, some good, some not so good, and ultimately cultivated my own style and methodologies to help people deal with important life changes and start creating the life they desire. At this point I generally work with people going through life-transitions, such as career change or overall lifestyle shifts, and helping them navigate these changes and create new possibilities for their life.

2. You run a very popular personal development blog. How do you help people through your blog?

Shake off the Grind started as a site to help people with career success and to find work that is meaningful to them. Over the past few years it has transformed into an overall platform that helps people thrive when they’re up and survive when they’re down. More specifically, the site focuses on how to overcome challenges and obstacles people may be facing, so they can begin living with greater purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. This is done through weekly articles, as well as some products and services.

3. Please share 3 of your favourite ways to help people live more successfully.

This is a great question! I will break it down into three simple ideas – purpose, power, and presence.

Purpose – Uncovering what is most important to you. What are your values? What are you passionate about? What is it that gives you a sense of meaning and significance?

Power – Having a sense that you can do what needs to be done. This is all about taking action, feeling a sense of momentum and velocity in the direction you want your life to go.

Presence – Living today and experiencing life fully right now! You probably have goals and aspirations but you can still find contentment and joy in the moment. Just relax, live in the moment, and be grateful for what you do have as you embark on your life’s journey.

When people have a sense of purpose, feel personal power, and live with presence they are more able to reach toward their potential.

4. How did the idea for your Becoming Unstoppable Course come about?

I notice from my own experience and from many of the blog readers that failure and self-doubt is a common obstacle. We all will face adversity at one point or another, and our response to this adversity can be a major turning point in our life.

When things don’t go as we planned it can be a common response to give-up and throw away our dream – to hold back and settle for less because we don’t believe we are really capable. I got tired of giving-up and taking failure personally.

I want to help people develop a different relationship with failure, and learn that it is an inevitable and important part of reaching the success and significance we desire. This course was created to help people deal more effectively with these difficult times in life.

5. In what ways does your Become Unstoppable Course help people?

The course helps people develop and learn about how to become more mentally tough. In other words, it helps people learn skills and principles to live with more resilience, girt, and determination. If someone is facing doubt and discouragement right now, the course is created to be a support and training to build their mental muscles so they can handle rejection, adversity, and failure without getting derailed and thrown off course.

So, it is created for those people who are going through a difficult transition or struggling to reach their goals, and need some support to keep a positive attitude, stay enthusiastic, grow their confidence, and live with a more optimistic outlook.

Over to You:

• Did you enjoy this interview? If so, please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.

• Please also share this interview on your favourite social networks. Thank you.



About Joe Wilner:

Joe is a Life-transition coach and psychotherapist who works with people wanting to navigate change and begin living with greater purpose, power, and presence. He writes at shakeoffthegrind.com where he helps people thrive when they’re up and survive when they’re down, and is the creator of the “Becoming Unstoppable” course, which is a twelve-week e-course to help you overcome obstacles and achieve your goals.

How the Answers to Your Problems are Already in You

If you’re feeling stuck in life, then seeking help really is the sensible thing to do. Friends, family, coaches, books, audio programs can help. All of these can be a great inspiration. However, ultimately, it will be you who will create the change you need to improve your situation. Read on to find out how the answers to your problems are already in you:

Your thinking is yours

A lot of the time, a change in thinking is all it takes for a problem to cease being such. Sure, someone else might have facilitated you to change your perspective. It was you though, who then used your capacity to alter your thought patterns to those that serve you better.

And when your inner thoughts change, the way you look out into the world changes, almost magically. You suddenly respect yourself. You marvel at the world around you. You suddenly have a spring in your step.

Mastery of your emotions

If you’re feeling down, then you experience this in your body. For instance, you might feel hot in a certain part of your body if you’re experiencing fear of anger.

Just like you can experience any unhelpful emotion in your body, you also have the ability to be the observer and ignore any emotion that you know will get you in a bad state, if you pay attention to it.

Just consider how powerful this truly is for a moment? When you transcend any emotion you experience at any point, you’re no longer the emotion. You’re far greater than any feeling.

Your experiences change you

When it boils down to it, and you are compelled to change, you have made the decision to step into the world and have the experiences you need to, in order to improve your life.

Others can help you to step out of the door. However, it will be you who will take the courageous first step.

And taking this first step provides you with evidence that you have it in to move into the unfamiliar. Your beliefs change. And when this happens, suddenly, the impossible becomes possible.

In the future, other challenges will continue to present themselves. However, remember, you took the first step previously and created change. You can do so again, and again.

You can grow

Every part of your being has the potential to grow. However, it’s the challenges you face in your life that will enable you to do so. Allow yourself to find out your own solutions by going to the problem, rather than avoiding it.

There is so much powerful energy deep within you that is bursting to come out. However, these inner resources will remain dormant, unless you believe in yourself to be able to deal with the problem you’re facing.

The truth is you really are short changing yourself, if you don’t give yourself an opportunity to step out of what feels comfortable and move into the area where you will grow.

When you do, you might just stun yourself when you realise just how much you really can do.

My friends, it’s over to you:

• In what other ways do the solutions to our problems already exist in us?

• What can we do to manifest these resources?

• Please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.

• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks.

Photo Credit: Create-Learning Team Building & Leadership

Living Life as If Today Is Your Last Day

If you’re finding it challenging to create change in your life, one way might just give you the incentive you need to get up, take action and do things differently – living each day like it was your last.

Why can it be helpful to do this? Well, so many of your problems can be caused by worrying about issues you experienced in the past, having experiences you don’t like in the present and through worrying and be concerned about the future.

However, if you lived your life everyday like it was your last; do you think you would experience even half the problems you currently do?

Check out the following tips to learn how living like today is your last day can actually help you:

No fear

Do you live your life in fear of not doing what it is that you want to? Are you worried about making a fool out of yourself, or being overly concerned about what others think of you?

Well, imagine if today was your last day on Earth. Do you think you would pay much attention to an unreal fear trying to hold you back?

I don’t think you would.

Just enjoyment

Are you in a position where you find it difficult to enjoy your life?

Perhaps you’re so discontent with what you’re doing this moment, your imagination is leading you to some pleasurable event that might happen in the future.

If today was your last one, do you think you might quickly look to enjoy and find joy in what you’re doing right now, no matter how mundane the activity?

People

Today there will be people you will come across in your environment. Let’s say you end up with a person you don’t get on with much.

If your time was coming to an end this very day, do you think your mind would be able to carry even a minute piece of resentment towards this individual?

Or do you think all you would feel is love for this person, who is most likely the last person you’ll ever see? I think it would be love. What about you?

Go out with a bang

If today was your last day, then surely you would want to go out in style. Therefore, whatever you’re doing, how can you do this one activity so well that people would tell stories about it?

And as I explained earlier in this post, even if the activity you’re doing is simple, I wonder how you might do it with some style?

Peace

When those close to us are about to leave, unless they’re in a lot of pain through illness and injury, they’re usually peaceful during their last days.

If you were living today like it was your last day, then I’m guessing if you had a choice between experiencing peace, or worry, you would select peace.

How can you bring more peace into your life, this very moment?

Service

If today was your last living day, I’m sure you would want to leave behind one act of good work. It could be doing a service to another person; it might be as simple as being present with someone to help them deal with a difficulty he or she is experiencing.

Therefore, what service will you choose to do today?

My friends, it’s over to you:

• In what other ways can living our lives like today is our last day, help us to be better people?

• Please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.

• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks. Thank you.

Photo Credit: asgw

Why It Pays To Ask

Do you want to make progress in your life, but feel overwhelmed by all that you have to do? Do you need help, but are afraid to seek it because you believe people won’t want to assist you? If so, check out the following tips to find out why it is good to ask:

It’s impossible to do everything

I’m sure there a many tasks and activities you can do by yourself. However, there any many that you can’t. Yes, you can always learn to do more. However, if you’re completely swamped because of existing commitments, then asking for help really is the way to go.

Asking doesn’t make you any less

When you were a kid, the chances are you were encouraged to ask for help at school when you were stuck. This principle doesn’t change just because you’re an adult.

Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s completely normal and something worth getting into the habit of doing.

It helps clearer communication

If you’re working in a team either at work, or in your community, then there will be times when you will be responsible for particular activities. Rather than doing something that you’re not totally clear about, ask for clarity first, so that you can do the best job possible.

You get more done

One of the key benefits of asking for help, is it allows you and the person(s) who is helping you to get more done. By working as a team in a mutually beneficial way, the impact of your work is far greater.

Better relationships

Asking others for help gives you an opportunity to create, meaningful relationships with the people you ask, which could last for years. Once you’ve asked a person to help you once, he or she will be likely to help you again.

More opportunities

Asking for help, in addition, can open up more opportunities for you. The people that support you will also have contacts and they could very well introduce others to you, which will increase your network.

It fills your skills gaps

By all means, it’s a good idea to keep on learning new competencies. However, as my friend Dan Black says, if the investment you will need to make to do so, in order to complete your task is too high, ask for help from someone who already has the necessary background and experience. It makes life so much easier.

It’s efficient

Sure, you’re very busy. Therefore there’s no need to think you have to do everything. By asking others for help, you free up time to make progress with other activities that need your attention.

Help back

Remember though, helping is a two way process. There will be times at work or in your personal life, where people will seek help. When they do, and if you’re in a position to do so, help them. People will remember you as someone they can trust and can count on.

My friends, it’s over to you:

• What other reasons can you think of, which explain why it is good to ask for help?

• Please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.

• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks. Thank you.

Photo Credit: andjohan

How to Become a Non-Fiction eBook Writer

I love writing and selling non-fiction eBooks, especially those for the self-help area. Perhaps you too want to write your own non-fiction eBook, or a series of them and are unsure how to do so.

If so, the following tips will help you:

Have something to write about

This is the most important one and the most obvious too. However, without having a topic, you wouldn’t be able to write an eBook! Therefore, are you an expert in a particular field?

Perhaps you have a skill that you’ve developed and have been using for years (e.g. gardening or fixing cars) and you could help others by sharing your knowledge. It could even be your life story and a challenge you faced and overcame.

There are a whole host of non-fiction topics you could write about. Once you’ve chosen one, you’re ready to begin.

Have a goal for your eBook

After you know your topic, it’s important to think of why you’re writing a non-fiction eBook. What will your audience get from reading your eBook? Do you want to inspire, motivate, educate or train?

Having a goal will help you focus your writing on ensuring you deliver what it is you want to do for your readers.

Have self-belief

Writing a non-fiction eBook is not something that only others can do. You too can write one. Remember the old saying that “there is a book inside all of us”?

Besides, 5 years ago, I never thought I would write an eBook and this is exactly what I ended up doing. If I can, you can too.

Learn from other publishers

There are so many renowned publishers out there sharing their knowledge and experience on their blogs. You can learn a lot from them such as picking up tips about the writing process, including how to write and how often.

Or it could be to understand how to self-publish your work, create eBook covers, writing blurbs and how to market your eBooks. It might be learning about general insights in the publishing industry, and particularly the self-publishing one. Those publishers I recommend include the following:

David Gaughran

Joanna Penn

Dean Wesley Smith

Lindsey Buroker

Joe Konrath

Karen Woodward

Catherine Ryan Howard

Some of the publishers above write fiction. However, they’re still inspirational and motivational. It is up to you to decide how to apply what you learn from them to non-fiction writing.

Think like a business person

If you’re self-publishing your non-fiction eBook then you’re already an entrepreneur. Hence, remember to think like an entrepreneur when writing and marketing your non-fiction eBook.

Your eBook is a product, which will be bought by customers. Therefore, ensure you give your customers the best product possible. This means getting a professionally made cover design for your eBook and getting your writing professionally edited and proofread.

Get it into as many markets as you can

Amazon is the eBook daddy and it makes sense to self-publish your title through their Kindle Select Program. Doing so will get your non-fiction eBook into all of their global stores.

However, don’t stop there.

There are many other markets across the world, which you eBook can be sold to. Among others, these include Apple’s iTunes stores, Kobo and Barnes and Noble.

You can actually get your titles into such stores by using a distribution service like Smashwords, who can also distribute your eBook to India’s Flipkart. Mark Coker, Smashword’s Managing Director, is a great guy, too.

The more places your eBook is in, the more likely it will be found.

Up your own marketing

If you don’t have one already, set up a blog, which you can use to share your writing experiences with other writers, who you can develop relationships up with, and will help to promote your work. You can do the same for them.

You can also use your blog as a platform for your fans to find you and you can update them on your eBook launches.

Keep writing more

As Dean Wesley Smith said recently, a writer’s career only ends when the writer stops writing. If you seriously want a career in writing, then keep writing more and more non-fiction eBooks!

My friends, it’s over to you:

• Have you written a non-fiction eBook? If so, what other tips can you share?

• Please share your valuable views, experiences, and thoughts in the comments box below.

• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks. Thank you.

Photo Credit: melenita2012

Why a New Year Can Be the Start of the Rest of Your Life

It’s New Year’s Eve and 2014 is just hours away! Are you excited about the New Year? Or are you sceptical about what you might be able to achieve in it?

Does a New Year mean more difficult times ahead? Perhaps it means a time for others in your life to make changes, while you stay stuck where you’re at.

It might mean a whole host of other negative things.

No big deal. Why isn’t it a big deal?

Well, what you’ve done is created unhelpful meanings about the New Year. You make meanings about things all the time. All humans do. However, the meaning you attach to the New Year needn’t be set in concrete.

The New Year can always mean something else to you, should you wish it to. You have the power to attach whatever meaning you want to it.

Below are some empowering meanings you can give to 2014, so that your state of mind is one where a New Year really is the start of the rest of your life:

A New Year means time for a new story

What you did this year, and what happened is now an old story. If you had a tough story, then leave this tale where it belongs, which is in the past.

Instead, take time out to write a new story about what you want to achieve this year, and how you’re going to do it.

And I mean physically write it out. Grab some paper and pen now and allow your words to flow, as you describe the type of person you’re going to become this year.

As the saying goes – out with the old and in with the new.

A New Year means an opportunity to do something new

I think there is a big clue in the term New Year with the keyword being ‘new’. The word ‘new’ by its very nature implies freshness and something different.

Therefore, why not use the New Year to do something new that will change your perspective, grow your knowledge, increase your wealth and that will positively impact others.

A New Year means an opportunity to plan

You have 12 whole months to really make your mark. These months can be broken down into weeks and days. Use these wisely by planning some activities throughout the year, which will increase your skills and enhance your wisdom.

A New Year means better relationships

Have a strained relationship with a family member of a friend? Don’t have a partner?

Well a New Year doesn’t have to mean more doom and gloom in the relationships area. Instead, it can mean you will really reach out to others and develop some long-lasting and meaningful relationships.

A New Year means a new self-image

If you’re not happy with your self-image then change it. Change what you tell yourself about you. Alter how you visualise yourself. And then go and live out the words you tell yourself and the images you create of yourself in your mind.

Keep doing this cycle again and again through the year, and this time next year, you might just be the person you dream of being.

My friends, it’s over to you:

• What other empowering, and positive meanings can we give to the New Year?

• Please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.

• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks. Thank you.

Happy New Year to all of you!

 Photo Credit: Amani Hassan