Hiten Vyas's Blog, page 2

Venice Stay & Thoughts

Introduction

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Story

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Conclusion

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Minimalist books

Introduction

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Story

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Conclusion

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NLP Presuppositions Part 3

This post is part three of the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Presuppositions series of posts. Part one covered six empowering attitudes, principles and concepts to help improve our confidence, to change our perceptions and the way we interact with other people. Part two covered a further six.

Let’s get onto four more right here.

13. Resistance indicates lack of rapport

This presupposition is a great one to internalise, in order to improve our communication with others.

In life, whether personally or professionally, we need to interact with others. So often, when we want to get things done, we will need the help and support of others.

For example you might need support for a project at work from a colleague. However, when you discuss your idea, you don’t get the response you wanted.

Or perhaps you meet a person at a social gathering and you’re trying to make conversation with this individual. However, this person seems a little aloof and doesn’t want to open up much to you.

In such cases, it’s useful to remind yourself whether you have connected enough with this particular person. Have you created enough mutual trust with him or her? If not, you can consider creating some further rapport.

An excellent way to do this is to meet the person at his or her current view of the world, show that you understand their view, share similarities between the two of you and if appropriate, offer help or suggestions.

After doing this, you can go back to attempting to get support for your initiative or connecting with a person at a party, or whatever it was you initially wanted to do.

14. Behind every behaviour is a positive intention

This one for me had to be experienced to be believed. Once it has been experienced and you do so for yourself, its truth becomes so apparent.

What this presupposition means is that whatever behaviour we do and which others make, there is something positive we or another person is trying to do.

Let’s take interacting with women as an example. If you’re a guy and finding it difficult to approach a girl you like, you could be doing so to protect yourself.

For instance, the reason why you avoid doing so is because you want to protect yourself from possible rejection.

Why is it important to know this?

Well when we want to create changes in our lives for the better, by understanding that the behaviour we are doing (however undesirable) has a positive intention, we can learn to appreciate the value of the behaviour, preserve its good qualities and still do what we want in a life from a position of maturity.

15. Every subjective experience is made up of two parts. These are content and structure

Another way of looking at this principle is our life experiences. Let’s say you had an argument with a family member about something. The argument has already happened.

However, you now continue to remember that particular scenario. You remember exactly what you said to the family member and how he or she felt. You recollect exactly what he or she said to you and how it made you feel.

You even end up feeling like you did during the argument, now!

This is an example of content. However, this content from an NLP perspective also has a structure. This structure is made up of thoughts and beliefs you have around that argument.

Bringing this structure to the fore is powerful because one can actually change these structures to change how they feel for the better, about experiences that have already happened and experiences which may happen in the future.

16. People have the resources they need

I’m a firm believer that when we help people overcome a problem, all we are doing is encouraging that person to look within themselves for their own answers.

In the coaching world it can be called as facilitating a person to help him or her find their own solutions. Once a person takes responsibility for getting themselves into bad states, then equally that person has opened the doors, to taking responsibility for finding answers that will help them be resourceful and move through the world skilfully.

It’s amazing what lies dormant inside each of us. However, once our inner strength becomes activated and we channel it appropriately we can become unstoppable!

Photo Credit: nicolasnova

Editor’s Note: This article was first published on hitenvyas.com in January 2013.

More Empowering Attitudes

This post is part two in the three part series on NLP Presuppositions. If you haven’t read part one, you can do so here.

So, let’s get straight onto some more powerful concepts, ideas and beliefs that can help you in your daily life:

7. We can model excellence, and even genius, if we break the tasks into small enough chunks. If someone can do something, then it’s a human possibility

This is one powerful belief.

Let’s consider it for a moment. By being able to model excellence, we can truly observe those people who have completed activities, tasks and achieved goals, which we may also want to accomplish.

We can break down into small bites what they do internally in terms of their thoughts and beliefs. We can model and replicate what they see, hear and feel in their thoughts.

We can model and repeat the self-talk they say to themselves and the beliefs they layer onto themselves.

Now by doing the above, doesn’t it just totally shatter into pieces the belief that we can’t do what we want to, because we’re not good enough?

I believe it does.

8. Mind-body are part of the same system and influence each other

Our minds-and-bodies are connected. There’s no other way about it.

You can experience this for yourself.

Just think of a happy experience you had previously. Really imagine it vividly. Do you now feel good inside your body? You’ve just witnessed how the mind impacts the body.

You can try this out the other way too.

If you go for a good workout at the gym, or even take a brisk walk, your mind will be clear and refreshed. In this case you used your body to impact you mind.

This mind-body connection is extremely powerful for making change in your lives.

Think and cultivate positive, happy, empowering and resourceful thoughts and your body will support you in your endeavours.

On a similar note, by taking care of your body through eating the right foods and getting plenty of sleep and exercise, means the mind will be in a good shape to continue developing and living wholesomely.

9. It’s always better to have choice, than the lack of choice

This is one attitude I have personally internalised. I’ve taught myself to look for choices by default.

How could this belief help you in your life?

Are you at the moment experiencing a lack of abundance in your life, because you’re not seeing the choices you have right in front of you?

If so, for whatever problem you are experiencing a lack of choice in, physically get a pen and piece of paper and write down ten ways that you can overcome the problem.

The choices are always there. Of course, they might not always be apparent. Doing something as simple as writing, can help us see the abundance which is there.

10. We add to choices in NLP, we don’t take choices away

How amazing is this one! What a powerful assumption to live by.

The whole NLP model, whether used for achieving excellence or for overcoming emotional problems is about increasing choices.

This is one of the reasons why NLP is such a helpful tool to life coaches, executive coaches and therapists.

11. Since memory and imagination use the same neurological circuits as external sensory awareness, they can powerfully influence our development

I really experienced this truth about this after I read Dr Maxwell Maltz’s amazing book Psycho-Cybernetics.

I was due to give a presentation at a leadership training course I was attending in my mid-twenties. I practiced and practiced giving a powerful and charismatic speech using my imagination. I vividly saw myself speaking confidently, with ease and authority. And then I stepped into myself, so that I was looking out of my own eyes giving this presentation with true grace.

And it worked. I scored a high mark and members of the audience told me afterwards how they really enjoyed it.

What this means is we don’t always have to have experienced behaving in a desired way in the ‘real world’ for it to become real.

Our mind-bodies will process what we have imagined and remembered like it is happening ‘for real’ anyway.

Therefore using your imagination and memory can be a very powerful way to enable personal transformation.

12. People are more than their actions, words, emotions, roles etc.

This belief allows us to see ourselves beyond what we do, say, feel and the roles we play in life.

It allows us to do the very same thing with other people.

By understanding this concept, we can forgive ourselves and others for mistakes. We free ourselves of limiting labels we might be calling ourselves, because we are more than this.

We are always more than our actions, words, emotions and roles.

For me personally, when I think of myself as a spiritual being, this is more powerful than what I will ever say or do. These other things become stuff of the ego, which for me can never be the real me.

Part two of this three part series on the NLP Presuppositions is complete. Stay tuned for the final one coming soon!

Photo Credit: Melody Cambell

Editor’s Note: This article was first published on hitenvyas.com in December 2012.

 

NLP Presuppositions Part 1

I first encountered the amazing field of NLP in my early twenties. I did a search for NLP and stuttering and came across Dr Bobby Bodenhamer, who would later become my NLP trainer.

NLP is set of tools people can use to model and replicate states of success. It can also be used to model unhelpful states and develop new and empowering ones as replacements.

Underlying the set of tools is a number of ‘statements’, beliefs or assumptions that are taken as granted. These are applicable to any person, no matter what their current circumstances are.

In the NLP world, these are known as the ‘NLP Presuppositions’.

They are very powerful and in this first of a three part series of posts, I will share some of these and explain what they mean, and how you can use them to live an empowered life.

1. There is no failure, only feedback

This is the most well-known presupposition and in my opinion the most powerful. This attitude supports any activity you do in your life. By adopting it and living it, you give yourself permission to try out things, experiment and most importantly get things wrong.

Because when you get things wrong, you’re not failing. It’s just feedback you can use to change and adapt the approach you are using, in order to continue improving and developing competence and excellence.

2. Our map is not the territory; it is but a map, a symbolic representation of the territory.

This is another very famous NLP presupposition.

This presupposition is all about ‘things not being like they always seem’. For example, let’s say you and four other people go to Canada on holiday. Canada in this case, is the ‘territory’. The place you all went to is the same.

However, the experiences you would all have would be different to each other, and each of you would recollect different memories about your trips.

What this demonstrates is our ‘maps’ are never complete. We can never know everything about something. Our ‘maps’ may contain distorted information and yet other information we have deleted. Hence, we can develop the ability to challenge our ‘maps’ and change them if they are not serving us to better ones.

It also allows us to be respectful of other people’s views of the world, to create strong rapport with others and helps us in developing relationships.

3. We respond according to our map of the territory, not the territory

Reality only exists in our own mind. We respond to this ‘reality’. This reality is created by the experiences we have through our senses (our eyes, ears, feelings, taste and smell) and the way we talk to ourselves. And we have these experiences through filters of existing thoughts and beliefs we already have.

Let’s take the movie The Godfather as an example. The Godfather represents ‘territory’. You watch this movie and create a ‘map’ about it. Your ‘map’ is that the film is brilliant. However your friend also watches it. The ‘map’ he makes about it is that it is boring.

So, the next time you talk about the movie with each other, you both respond according to your own view or ‘map’ about The Godfather. You tell your friend how amazing it is. And he tells you it puts him to sleep.

This realisation is a very important one. By responding according to our ‘own maps’ of the ‘territory’, we become responsible for them. We longer need to believe or feel anyone or anything external to us, is the cause of our problems. We’re not responding to ‘what is out there’. We’re responding to our ‘maps’ of what is out there and these can be changed. We have the capacity to do this.

4. The meaning of communication is the response I get

Ever had a conversation with a person and the other person just wasn’t getting you?

I know I have.

Isn’t it frustrating? You tell yourself “I’ve explained my point of view and she still doesn’t get it. What is wrong with this person?”

This attitude is reversed right around when you appreciate and adopt the presupposition that the meaning of communication is the response I get.

If another person doesn’t understand you, or you’re not getting the response you want, rather than blaming the other person, you just change the way you are communicating. This might involve using a different tonality, or certain words or a facial expression, or most importantly, really appreciating the other person’s view of the world before sharing you own.

You become responsible for the way you communicate.

5. The element in any system with the most flexibility will exercise the greatest influence

A way of looking at this presupposition is a group of people, which represents the system. The system is made up of a number of elements. One of these is you.

Let’s say your company is being bought out by a bigger company. The means line management structures will change, some people may have to change their roles in the company and others may lose their jobs.

Most of those whose roles will change demonstrate massive resistance. Your role is also going to change. However, rather than getting down about it and creating inner turmoil, you see the opportunity in the role, as you have the flexibility to adapt and change, as the company itself is changing. While others only experience resentment, you experience a sense of being able to progress in the company.

6. People are not broken; they work perfectly well

I love this one.

What it means is, you may be experiencing a certain problem in your personal or professional life. A loved one you know may also be experiencing a problematic issue.

However, there isn’t anything majorly wrong with you or your loved one. All you’re doing is running ‘unhelpful maps’ in your mind really well.

For instance, if you are a person who stutters and just the thought of giving a presentation makes you get anxious and fearful, then what this means is, you’ve just learnt to create anxiety in this particular context in an expert way!

And if you’ve learnt to create anxiety in the context of presentations really well, then you can learn to create another more resourceful response.

How you can use these NLP Presuppositions to help you

So they you have it. I have explained some of the key NLP presuppositions in this first in a three part series of blog posts on this area.

I hope you can see the true power in them.

In order to help you internalise them, contemplate on them and consider how you can apply them to aspects of your life. Repeat each of them to yourself 10 times a day. Use them as daily affirmations, until you really begin to see the truth in them and believe in them for yourselves.

NLP ebooks

If you would like to learn more about NLP, two of my ebooks, Presentation Confidence – Stand Up and Be Heard and Job Interview Confidence – Replacing Anxiety with Self-Belief are available from Amazon.com.

Photo Credit: Cantabrigensis

Editor’s Note: This article was first published on hitenvyas.com in November 2012.

How Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Can Help You to Change Your Perception of Yourself and Your Stuttering

If you’re struggling with stuttering or stammering, you might have realised your perception about yourself, your stuttering, certain situations and particular people is most likely negative. Perhaps you perceive yourself as being inadequate because you stutter. Maybe you perceive talking to strangers to be a context to avoid. Maybe you believe people in authority to be threatening. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) offers tools, which can help you to change the way you perceive yourself and stuttering through taking on different perspectives (or perceptual positions). This can be very helpful as changing your perception allows you to step out of problematic states of fear and anxiety and adopt more resourceful perspectives that can help you to feel confident. In the following section, I describe 4 perceptual positions and consider the types of insights you could generate as a person who stutters, or stammers when you take on each of these positions.

 

The 4 Perceptual Positions

The 4 perceptual positions are known as first position, second position, third position, and fourth position. The first two positions are known as associated positions and the following two are recognized as dissociated positions.

First Position

In the first position (an associated position), you are experiencing the world through your own self. This means you see out of your own ears, hear using your own ears and feel through your own body. You also speak using your voice in order to communicate with others. However, If you’re a person who stutters and are struggling, chances are being in first person creates problems for you as you feel blocked in this position.

Second Position

Second position is also an associated position. However, instead of experiencing the world through your own senses and body, you imagine looking out of the eyes of another person and experience what it is like to be this other individual. You also hear voices and sounds from the ears of the other person and you feel what this person is feeling. What is the benefit of doing so? It enables you to take on a different point of view, which can begin to help you get out of the crippling impact, which staying in first position can have.

Third Position

As a person who stutters, or stammers, when you’re in third position, you’re dissociated as opposed to being associated. What this means is that you look at the stuttering experience more objectively, a bit like a fly on the wall. This position opens up even more different perspectives, as you create distance between yourself from the recollection of the experience. From this distance, you can analyse any judgements you might have made about yourself and the other person and objectively challenge whether these judgements are really true or not.

Fourth Position

Adopting fourth position means combining the first three positions in order to create a system, which contains various components and parts including people who form a part of a collective. As a person who stutters, taking on a ‘systems perspective’ of a stuttering episode enables you to observe other factors that are occurring around you and enables you to see beyond your stuttering, as you’re part of a system that is there with a common goal and purpose.

 

Exercise – Changing Your Perceptual Positions

In this exercise, you’ll have a go at changing your perceptual positions to help you change how you feel about yourself and your stuttering, or stammering. Throughout the exercise I use a hypothetical person who stutters called Sunita to help illustrate each step. I suggest reading each step several times to get an understanding of the exercise and then come back to step one to try it out.

1. Notice what it is like to be in first person

In this first step, remember the last time you stuttered, or stammered really badly. Remember it as vividly as you can by being associated. This means recollecting the time in a way where you’re looking out of your own eyes into the same situation seeing what you saw, which could be the person or people in front of you when you stuttered. Chances are highly likely it will now feel like you’re having the same experience again, as you also hear what you heard, and feel what you felt such as anxiety, worry and stress.

Using the example of Sunita, she remembers a time recently when she stuttered. She was at the office last week, and one of her colleagues asked her what she did at the weekend and Sunita started to stutter when responding. She becomes associated by looking out of her own eyes into the same scenario, hearing through her ears and feeling afraid. As Sunita stutters when responding, she perceives her colleague as judging her because of the way she is speaking, and then feeling sorry for her because she is stuttering.

2. Notice what it is like to be in second person

In the second step, taking the example you remembered in step one where you stuttered badly, imagine floating out of yourself and into the body of the person you were talking to. Or if you were talking to a group, imagine floating into the body of one of the people in the group. As you do, look back at you stuttering through the eyes of the person and listen to yourself with the ears of the other person. What does it feel like to be other person looking back at you?

With Sunita, she imagines what it is like to float out of herself into the body of her colleague who asked her what she did over the weekend. As she takes the position of her colleague, she continues to use her imagination to look out her colleague’s eyes and notices what she looks like from her colleague’s perspective. Sunita imagines hearing out of her colleague’s ears as Sunita describes what she does over the weekend and Sunita begins to stutter. Sunita also begins to take on what her colleague is feeling towards her. As Sunita takes on the role of her colleague, she notices insights she never considered before. One of these is that her colleague isn’t judging Sunita for the way she is speaking. Her colleague isn’t even feeling sorry for Sunita as Sunita believed she was when she was in first position. Her colleague is genuinely interested in what Sunita has to say.

3. Notice what it is like to be in third person

So, continuing from the previous step when you stepped into second position of the person who was talking with you with when you stuttered, now take on third position so that you can see both yourself and the other person during the difficult experience. As you do this, notice what additional perspectives you see, which in the second position you were not aware of. When you look at yourself stuttering and see the person you’re speaking with from a distance, how does the way you feel change. Do any strong emotions lessen slightly?

Sunita takes on the third perceptual position. She can now see herself and her colleague engaging in the conversation about the weekend from the perspective as a silent observer. As she does, Sunita notices how the way she feels changes. She’s looking at the scenario much more objectively, and can just see two people engaging in conversation. Although Sunita can see herself stuttering, it doesn’t really bother her.

4. Notice what it is like to be in fourth person

In this step, now take on the view of being in fourth position. If it helps, imagine looking down at the environment in which you stuttered from a birds eye view, where what you see beneath you is a system, and in this system you are just one part. As you do, what other things do you notice? Are other people around that are interacting with one another?  Notice what the actual purpose of the system you’re in is.  For example, if you were sitting in a coffee shop in your stuttering situation, when you consider the coffee shop you were in as a system where staff are there to serve customers coffees, teas, and cakes, and customers come and buy them, sit down and relax for a while and then leave, how does this change the way you feel about yourself and your stuttering now?

Sunita in her example moves from a fly on the way position and takes on a bird’s eye view and notices what the office she is in is like from a ‘systems perspective’. As she does, she notices that her conversation with her colleague where she stuttered is just one little part of the overall office system. She notices her boss sitting at his table on the phone, and sees her own line manager busy away typing at a keyboard. She sees two other colleagues sitting behind her talking to each other about a client. Sunita now realises she is a part of a system contributing to the overall success of her department, in which people also make general conversation in between work tasks. Doing this also allows her to create distance between the initial negative feelings she experienced when she stuttered as she looks at herself as a part of a system, which is beyond one person and the way she/he might feel.

 

Bibliography

Bodenhamer, B.G., 2004. Mastering Blocking and Stuttering: A Cognitive Approach to Achieving Fluency. Carmarthen, Wales: Crown House Publishing.

NLP coaching for stuttering or stammering

Are you a person who stutters, or stammers and need some help to adopt different perceptual positions? You might want to take a look at the NLP coaching I offer for people who stutter, or stammer.

Image credit: Pixabay

How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk Associated with Stuttering or Stammering

If you’re serious about overcoming the fear and anxiety of stuttering or stammering, you probably have read or are reading lots of self-help books. One idea, which is fundamental throughout many of self-help books you might read, is the area of self-talk. You might never has realised you talk to yourself. You always did. However, you weren’t really conscious of it, or what you were saying to yourself. It happened very quickly. When you sit down to imagine situations where you might stutter or stammer you begin to notice that, indeed, you do talk yourself. And what you’re saying could be very negative. Below are some things you might say to yourself:

I can’t go to that party because I might have to speak and people will see me stammer.

I can’t go to that meeting at work because people might ask me questions and I will stammer.

I can’t go for dinner with all those people there because I won’t talk and they will think I’m weird.

My uncle will be at the party. I always stammer around him.

Only after catching yourself saying such things, do you realise how much they contribute to your feeling anxious and worried. They add fuel to your avoidance of situations where you might stutter or stammer. In order to begin to address this, what you can do is change the way you talk to yourself. You can begin to say positive statements about yourself. This is known in the personal development field as positive affirmations. Positive affirmations are positive statements that you tell yourself, which describe the type of person you want to be. You could write down statements like the following:

I am confident.

I can speak articulately.

I am good enough.

You can write down a list of ten such positive statements and repeat them to yourself every day, each one, 20 times. You can use a powerful tonality, and say the words with strong conviction.

Exercise – Unhelpful Self-talk and Positive Statements

In this exercise, you will notice the type of unhelpful self-talk you currently say to yourself. You will then replace this with other statements that are positive and empowering. Use the following steps and have a pen and piece of paper handy to make notes. This exercise will work best if you actually have an upcoming speaking situation in the future, which normally makes you anxious because of your stuttering, or stammering. If you don’t have one then this is fine. Still proceed with the steps in this exercise:

1. Think about an upcoming speaking situation, which you would normally become anxious about because of your stuttering, or stammering. Think of one which will be coming up soon, if possible. As you do, notice any unhelpful words or phrases you say to yourself and then write them down. For example, let’s say you are going to a party for a colleague who is leaving your company. As examples, the sentences you might tell yourself are: I can’t handle leaving parties because I have to talk to colleagues or I always stammer when talking to colleagues when we’re having dinner. Think of similar types of statements you say to yourself and write them down. Write down as many statements, words and phrases about yourself, your stammering and this particular speaking situation as you can.

2. Think of 5 positive statements about this particular speaking situation instead, and write them down. For instance, if the speaking situation you found difficult was going to work leaving parties for a colleague at work, positive statements you might write are:

I really enjoy going to leaving parties.

I’m always very social at leaving parties.

I feel confident at leaving parties.

I’m a great conversationalist at leaving parties.

I love being the centre of attention at leaving parties.

3. Write down your own similar statements, ensuring they are positive and in the present tense. It doesn’t matter if you don’t fully believe your statements, yet. The purpose of this exercise is to get into the habit of changing the way you talk to yourself.

4. Now, if you already did believe these statements, how you would you repeat the statements to yourself? Say, out loud, each of your statements 20 times while standing up, with a confident posture, using a powerful tonality and a loud and clear voice. Do this every day either in the morning or at night. As you say these statements, notice how you feel. If you feel confident and empowered, just recognise how you have the power to change how you feel by changing the words you say to yourself.

After you have completed this exercise, move onto the next one.

 

Exercise – Using Positive Statements before Going into Speaking Situations

In this exercise, you will now use the motivation you have created from the exercise above, to go into a speaking situation you normally find difficult. The purpose of this exercise is to allow your mind to begin to process your new way of talking to yourself and gain experience of going into a speaking situation, with such language embedded in your mind-body. On the day of the particular speaking situation, repeat the statements from the first exercise before you go out. Allow yourself to feel motivated and experience any other helpful emotions associated with saying your positive statements.

As you are starting out on working on your anxiety caused by stuttering, or stammering, and begin to use positive statements, you may find your motivation increases. However, the chances are you might still find it difficult to go into a speaking situation you normally find challenging. If this is the case, you need to put yourself into the situation. There really is no other way about it. Otherwise, what will happen is you will make yourself feel good through saying positive statements to yourself and that will be it. Remember not to be hard on yourself if you still find it challenging to go to a particular speaking situation. You are developing new attitudes and behaviours and these will take some time to settle inside you.

While at the speaking situation, use your positive statements as a way to change your behaviour. For instance, make an effort to be the first person to start a conversation with someone next to you. If you stammer when you do so, just engage with the person for a few minutes. Or, if a group of people are having a conversation at the bar, share a story with everyone by speaking out loud and letting the others listen to you. Again if you stammer, say what you want to say and take as much time as you need.

At the very least go to the speaking situation and just observe how you feel and listen to others. Just notice how your feelings of being uncomfortable emerge, last for some time and then pass. Once you come back home, don’t make judgements about whether you did well in the situation or not. You made a big achievement, which was confronting your fears and going anyway.

Congratulations!

 

NLP coaching for stuttering or stammering

Do you need some help with overcoming negative self-talk associated with stuttering or stammering? You might want to take a look at the NLP coaching I offer for people who stutter, or stammer.

Image credit: Pixabay

Overcoming the Fear of Stuttering Through Creating an NLP Anchor

One thing you’ve probably noticed when you stutter is the fear associated with doing so, which has led you to seek out ways of overcoming the fear of stuttering.

For example, this fear could be linked to saying certain words, or it could be connected with speaking to particular people. Another way of looking at this is through the connection between a stimulus and a response. Let’s say for example you find it difficult to speak to people in authority. When you find yourself in a scenario where you are required to speak to your superiors, you get fearful because you believe you will stammer. In this case, speaking to your bosses is the stimulus. The response, which happens within you, is the generation of fear.

NLP Anchors

In the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), there is a concept known as an anchor. An anchor is another way of describing the link between a stimulus and a response. As a person who stammers you might have created multiple unhelpful anchors. Not only may you have create anchors associated with actual speaking situations you’re about to go into (e.g. creating a response of feeling inadequate when talking to an unfamiliar person), you may have created anchors associated with actual memories of stammering. An example of this could be remembering a time (having a thought) about when you were speaking with a stranger and feeling inadequate in your body as a response to this thought.

However, not all anchors need to set off negative emotions in you. Interestingly, you can engineer anchors within you to set off helpful responses such as self- confidence and high self-esteem; emotions that can actually help you to overcome the fear of stammering. The following technique includes 4 steps you can use to create an anchor, which can help you approach a speaking situation where you normally get fearful, with confidence instead. The example used to illustrate the technique involves creating an anchor to help you pick up the phone and make a call, which is a common fearful situation for people who stammer. However, you can use the technique to help you deal with any situation where you’re fearful you will stammer (e.g. introducing yourself to a new person).

 

Creating an NLP Anchor to Help Overcome the Fear of Stammering
1. Experience the state you want

Remember a time when you were confident (or whatever state you want to create). Perhaps you gave a presentation to your entire team at work really confidently and you just knew you did really well. As you do, just allow yourself to see and feel exactly what you did at that time. Also hear the sounds you did that time. Keep doing this really vividly until you find yourself back in the same state you were when you gave the presentation.

If you can’t remember a time, just imagine what it would be like if you were confident!

When you feel you are experiencing this state as strongly as you can, try to increase it a little more. Get the state as clean and pure as possible and avoid other thoughts associated with other emotions. You want to get this confidence as strong as possible!

2. Set the anchor

When your confidence is at its peak, you now set the external stimulus (or anchor). Timing is very important so do this when you know your confidence is at its highest. The anchor can be a touch on your body in a discreet place, such as a pressing the top of your left shoulder with your first two fingers on your right hand. Or it could be pressing your thumb and index finger on your right hand together firmly.

Give yourself some time to create the anchor properly. For instance if your anchor is touching your thumb and index finger together on a particular hand, then do this for around 10-15 seconds.

You can even use a voice to support your touch anchor. It could be a word you say out loud such as “confidence”. You can also say it to yourself if you want it available more discreetly.

3. Test the anchor

Next come back to the real world for a moment, to the here and now! It’s time to see if this has worked! Go ahead and fire off your anchor by touching the exact location with the same amount of pressure. For instance if the anchor you set was pressing your right thumb and index finger firmly, then do this and allow yourself to access your juicy state of confidence.

4. Use it for making a phone call (or whatever it is you want to do)

Now it’s time to use this new powerful resource in the real world before you make a phone call. You know the person you want to speak with. You have his/her number. Go ahead and use your anchor. Allow the confident state to permeate throughout your whole mind-body and pick that phone up!

Similarly, if you hear the phone ring, and you want to pick it up, before you answer, use your anchor and then answer the phone

So there you have it. I’ve provided an outline of how you can use anchoring as a tool to create a new empowering state that will help you in overcoming the fear of talking on the phone, and approach doing so with confidence.

 

Bibliography

Bodenhamer, B.G. and Hall, L.M., 1999. The User’s Manual For The Brain Volume 1. Carmarthen, Wales: Crown House Publishing.

 

NLP Coaching for People who Stammer (PWS)

If you’re looking for an NLP practitioner to assist you in overcoming the fear of stammering, you might want to take at the NLP coaching I offer to people who stammer (PWS).

Image credit: Pixabay

How to Create an NLP Anchor to Help Overcome the Fear of Stammering

One thing you’ve probably noticed when you stammer is the fear associated with doing so. For example, this fear could be linked to saying certain words, or it could be connected with speaking to particular people. Another way of looking at this is through the connection between a stimulus and a response. Let’s say for example you find it difficult to speak to people in authority. When you find yourself in a scenario where you are required to speak to your superiors, you get fearful because you believe you will stammer. In this case, speaking to your bosses is the stimulus. The response, which happens within you, is the generation of fear.

NLP Anchors

In the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), there is a concept known as an anchor. An anchor is another way of describing the link between a stimulus and a response. As a person who stammers you might have created multiple unhelpful anchors. Not only may you have create anchors associated with actual speaking situations you’re about to go into (e.g. creating a response of feeling inadequate when talking to an unfamiliar person), you may have created anchors associated with actual memories of stammering. An example of this could be remembering a time (having a thought) about when you were speaking with a stranger and feeling inadequate in your body as a response to this thought.

However, not all anchors need to set off negative emotions in you. Interestingly, you can engineer anchors within you to set off helpful responses such as self- confidence and high self-esteem; emotions that can actually help you to overcome the fear of stammering. The following technique includes 4 steps you can use to create an anchor, which can help you approach a speaking situation where you normally get fearful, with confidence instead. The example used to illustrate the technique involves creating an anchor to help you pick up the phone and make a call, which is a common fearful situation for people who stammer. However, you can use the technique to help you deal with any situation where you’re fearful you will stammer (e.g. introducing yourself to a new person).

 

Creating an NLP Anchor to Help Overcome the Fear of Stammering
1. Experience the state you want

Remember a time when you were confident (or whatever state you want to create). Perhaps you gave a presentation to your entire team at work really confidently and you just knew you did really well. As you do, just allow yourself to see and feel exactly what you did at that time. Also hear the sounds you did that time. Keep doing this really vividly until you find yourself back in the same state you were when you gave the presentation.

If you can’t remember a time, just imagine what it would be like if you were confident!

When you feel you are experiencing this state as strongly as you can, try to increase it a little more. Get the state as clean and pure as possible and avoid other thoughts associated with other emotions. You want to get this confidence as strong as possible!

2. Set the anchor

When your confidence is at its peak, you now set the external stimulus (or anchor). Timing is very important so do this when you know your confidence is at its highest. The anchor can be a touch on your body in a discreet place, such as a pressing the top of your left shoulder with your first two fingers on your right hand. Or it could be pressing your thumb and index finger on your right hand together firmly.

Give yourself some time to create the anchor properly. For instance if your anchor is touching your thumb and index finger together on a particular hand, then do this for around 10-15 seconds.

You can even use a voice to support your touch anchor. It could be a word you say out loud such as “confidence”. You can also say it to yourself if you want it available more discreetly.

3. Test the anchor

Next come back to the real world for a moment, to the here and now! It’s time to see if this has worked! Go ahead and fire off your anchor by touching the exact location with the same amount of pressure. For instance if the anchor you set was pressing your right thumb and index finger firmly, then do this and allow yourself to access your juicy state of confidence.

4. Use it for making a phone call (or whatever it is you want to do)

Now it’s time to use this new powerful resource in the real world before you make a phone call. You know the person you want to speak with. You have his/her number. Go ahead and use your anchor. Allow the confident state to permeate throughout your whole mind-body and pick that phone up!

Similarly, if you hear the phone ring, and you want to pick it up, before you answer, use your anchor and then answer the phone

So there you have it. I’ve provided an outline of how you can use anchoring as a tool to create a new empowering state that will help you in overcoming the fear of talking on the phone, and approach doing so with confidence.

 

Bibliography

Bodenhamer, B.G. and Hall, L.M., 1999. The User’s Manual For The Brain Volume 1. Carmarthen, Wales: Crown House Publishing.

 

NLP Coaching for People who Stammer (PWS)

If you’re looking for an NLP practitioner to assist you in overcoming the fear of stammering, you might want to take at the NLP coaching I offer to people who stammer (PWS).

Image credit: Pixabay

How to Overcome Negative Thoughts about Stuttering

If you’re a person who stutters or stammers, a key thing to recognise is that events that happen to you, which involve stuttering, either in the outside world, or thoughts you have in your mind do not cause you to have unhelpful emotions such as anxiety. It is your interpretations and meanings you have given about the events and your thoughts about stuttering, which impact how you feel. However, your interpretations can often contain errors, which mean that the meanings you attach to your experiences where you may have stuttered previously, or might stutter in the future are not always correct. This is useful to know as it provides the basis to overcome negative thoughts about stuttering or stammering.

 

Errors in Thoughts about Stuttering

When you get involved in incidents where you stutter and have thoughts in response to those incidents, and when you think of stuttering incidents at a later time and again feel negative emotions inside your body, the thoughts you have seem so real. After all you feel their effects in your body. However, the truth is that the thoughts you have often contain lots of distortions and errors. Usually you don’t see these errors, unless you actually take time to analyse your thoughts. Below you will learn about 5 types of errors you can have in negative thoughts about stuttering. Each error is explained with an example, along with some tips on how you can overcome these errors.

 

1. Making it Personal

With this type of error, an incident occurs where you stuttered and you end up taking the result of it personally rather than looking at the incident objectively, to see if other factors might be playing a part in what happened.

Example  

Jamie works at a local charity shop and a customer called Maureen who is a person who stutters often comes in to chat. Jamie has been very busy today and is feeling quite stressed. When Maureen comes into the shop, and tries to start a conversation with Jamie, she starts to stutter when she speaks. Jamie doesn’t talk much and Maureen perceives him as being impatient because of her stuttering. When Maureen leaves, she blames herself for Jamie’s behaviour and tells herself that Jamie became impatient because I was stuttering. This type of statement is an example of making thoughts about stuttering personal because Maureen has incorrectly assumed that Jamie was impatient because of her.

How to Tackle Making it Personal

In order to handle negative thoughts about stuttering where you’ve been personalising, think of alternative explanations of situations and events that have nothing to do with you, or your stuttering.

 

2. Rejecting the Positive

Rejecting the positive involves taking an event or situation where you stuttered, which is actually positive, but where you discount the positive aspect and make it into a negative event.

Example

Rachel has just given a speech at her public speaking group. While delivering the speech, Rachel stuttered little. During the coffee break, a fellow member Beverly comments to Rachel how she thoroughly enjoyed her speech. Rachel believes Beverly only said this because she felt sorry for her because she stuttered during her speech.

How to Tackle Rejecting the Positive

To work on this type of thinking error, you can consciously make an effort to acknowledge positive comments made about you where you may have stuttered, by putting yourself first and believing that indeed a positive compliment that someone gives you, is because of you and not because someone is taking pity on you.

 

3. Strong Language

Strong language means the use of words that can affect you strongly emotionally, often in unhelpful ways. The words you use can either cause you to feel bad about yourself and your stuttering, and other people, which can then impact whether you can tolerate certain situations, or are able to react in calmer ways.

Example

Phil is going out with his friends Grant and Ian. Grant tells Phil that another friend called Max is also coming. Phil doesn’t like Max because Max is very confident and when Phil is around Max, he feels insecure and stutters more. Phil says to himself I’m worried of Jack. He’s just so confident and I feel insecure around him. By using the emotive word worried, Phil creates a lot of anxiety in him, which then results in him staying at home. Instead, if Phil had said Jack is just being Jack. It’s the way he is. He’s never really judged me because of my stuttering; he would have felt far less emotive and would still have been able to go out with his friends.

How to Tackle Strong Language

When you think of scenarios where you might stutter (either in the past or in the future) and find yourself talking about them out loud or talking to yourself about them, be mindful of the words you say and ensure you refrain from using terms that will inflame the way you are feeling. Instead, use words that will help to describe stuttering events in the most neutral and objective way possible.

 

4. Using Feelings

Using feelings means when you use your feelings as evidence for why situations where you stutter, people who are around you when you stutter and yourself as a person who stutters are the way they are. However, it is important to remember, that just because you feel something, it doesn’t make it a fact.

Example

Suresh is a person who stutters has just come back from work. He remembers an incident at work earlier in the day when he was a business networking meeting. He noticed there was another delegate at the meeting who he heard stuttering. Suresh avoided speaking to this man as he was worried it would trigger his own stuttering. Suresh now feels very guilty for avoiding this other man and concludes that he is a very bad person.

How to Tackle Using Feelings

If you notice your thoughts about stuttering being taken over by strong feelings, a way you can deal with this is through noticing thoughts you have, which cause you to state certain facts. For instance this could be, ‘I’m feeling fearful that I might stutter, which means I’m a weak person’ or ‘I’m angry with myself because I stuttered while talking with the assistant in the shop. If you find yourself having such thoughts, which evoke strong feelings inside you, acknowledge that just because you are feeling certain emotions, it doesn’t mean they represent facts and the truth.

 

5. Jumping to Conclusions

With jumping to conclusions you can create a negative interpretation of an event where you stuttered without there being any facts that can act as real evidence for doing so.

Example

Jasmine is out shopping and comes across a friend called Rick who she hasn’t seen for a while. Jasmine and Rick start chatting and while Jasmine is talking, she starts to stutter. Rick has a facial expression on his face. Jasmine perceives this look to mean Rick thinking she is weird. She concludes that the friend looked at her in a strange manner because she started to stutter. In truth, Jasmine’s friend was thinking about getting home to his dog who hadn’t been well.

How to Tackle Jumping to Conclusions

If you find yourself coming to a conclusion about how someone perceives or feels about you and your stuttering, ask yourself how you really can be sure if this is the truth, or if it isn’t just something you have imagined in your mind? Consider how realistic this conclusion really is and whether there any are real hard facts to support it.

Conversely, if what you are concluding is about an event where you might stutter in the future, then remind yourself that you are creating a fantasy about what might happen. You can never know what will happen for certain until it happens, which will always be in the present moment and not in the future.

 

Bibliography

Bodenhamer, B.G. and Hall, L.M., 1999. The User’s Manual For The Brain Volume 1. Carmarthen, Wales: Crown House Publishing.

 

NLP coaching for stuttering

Are you interested in how NLP can help you to overcome the anxiety of stuttering and help you to increase your self-confidence? You might want to take a look at the NLP coaching I offer for people who stutter, or stammer.

Image credit: Pixabay