Chelsea Gaither's Blog, page 46
April 1, 2013
FORMATTING HO!
The prose is as close to "done" as I can get it. It's time to format things.
I hate formatting things. You know algebra? I suck at Algebra. I always forget that one positive or negative sign that manages to fuck up the entire equation, and correcting it always results in another dropped sign that results in yet another dropped sign, which usually means I spend three hours on one FUCKING problem that would only have taken a normal, normally smart person thirty minutes to do.
Formatting e-books is like that.
And the best part is I have four sites I have to format for (Smashwords, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and DA) and that means four seperate chances to utterly fuck the formatting over.
I did not blog about how many times I had to format Gray Fox to get Smashwords to pass it on to distribution, but it was a lot.
Ah, well. Here we fucking go.
EDITED TO ADD: Well, that didn't take forever. Now I will take a break and eat something that isn't caffiene, and then do the individual things for each website. Because it must be done.
It's probably a good thing that I'm egotistical enough to actually do this, otherwise I'd give up this whole writing thing and start painting on rice with an eyelash or something similar.
I hate formatting things. You know algebra? I suck at Algebra. I always forget that one positive or negative sign that manages to fuck up the entire equation, and correcting it always results in another dropped sign that results in yet another dropped sign, which usually means I spend three hours on one FUCKING problem that would only have taken a normal, normally smart person thirty minutes to do.
Formatting e-books is like that.
And the best part is I have four sites I have to format for (Smashwords, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and DA) and that means four seperate chances to utterly fuck the formatting over.
I did not blog about how many times I had to format Gray Fox to get Smashwords to pass it on to distribution, but it was a lot.
Ah, well. Here we fucking go.
EDITED TO ADD: Well, that didn't take forever. Now I will take a break and eat something that isn't caffiene, and then do the individual things for each website. Because it must be done.
It's probably a good thing that I'm egotistical enough to actually do this, otherwise I'd give up this whole writing thing and start painting on rice with an eyelash or something similar.
Editing tip
Tip for quick and economical editing:
Make a list of all your "bad" words. Esp. "filter" words like felt, seemed, thought, realized, ect. Also make a list of your punctuation issues (I am very bad about getting my dialogue punctuation right.)
Do a "find" search for every word and issue you've listed. Check every example.
Remove/refine.
It won't catch everything, but it helps.
Make a list of all your "bad" words. Esp. "filter" words like felt, seemed, thought, realized, ect. Also make a list of your punctuation issues (I am very bad about getting my dialogue punctuation right.)
Do a "find" search for every word and issue you've listed. Check every example.
Remove/refine.
It won't catch everything, but it helps.
How I feel today.
It'll be done today. I promise.
March 30, 2013
Quick ETA on Starbleached 3
Still on track. Doing final polishing of things as we speak. GOD I wish I didn't have to go to work right now.
We are still on track to drop the book April 2nd. It'll go up on Smashwords first, then Barnes and Noble and Amazon (Not due to a personal preference. Smashwords processes books much, much faster than Amazon and B&N can).
I sure hope you guys are as excited about this as I am.
Speaking of "exciting", I am literally one book sale away from breaking 200 books sold. Which I would really, REALLY love to pull off in March. It would be fucking awesome to go into April with 200 sales under my belt. So if there's a book of mine that you've been wanting and you just haven't bought it yet...yeah, I hate nagging for sales but one book, guys. Please? Pretty please?
(Note: If you already have everything and are waiting on pins and needles for Overseer's Own, and thus cannot help even though you'd love to you are the most awesome human being in the universe and I heart you forever.)
Also re: reviews. I have to get this done. At the moment, Anita Blake is getting in the way of Adry and Bryan. Reviews will begin again sometime on Monday.
Probably about the time I'm doing a find-and-replace for fucked up dialogue commas and my list of filter words. It's the last stage and I fucking hate it with the fire and passion of ten thousand suns.
In short, my dear loyal book and blog readers...almost there. We are ALMOST. THERE.
(One more book please? Pretty pretty please? I will squee with joy and do a raffle contest thingy to celebrate if we can do this before the end of the month. Please?)
We are still on track to drop the book April 2nd. It'll go up on Smashwords first, then Barnes and Noble and Amazon (Not due to a personal preference. Smashwords processes books much, much faster than Amazon and B&N can).
I sure hope you guys are as excited about this as I am.
Speaking of "exciting", I am literally one book sale away from breaking 200 books sold. Which I would really, REALLY love to pull off in March. It would be fucking awesome to go into April with 200 sales under my belt. So if there's a book of mine that you've been wanting and you just haven't bought it yet...yeah, I hate nagging for sales but one book, guys. Please? Pretty please?
(Note: If you already have everything and are waiting on pins and needles for Overseer's Own, and thus cannot help even though you'd love to you are the most awesome human being in the universe and I heart you forever.)
Also re: reviews. I have to get this done. At the moment, Anita Blake is getting in the way of Adry and Bryan. Reviews will begin again sometime on Monday.
Probably about the time I'm doing a find-and-replace for fucked up dialogue commas and my list of filter words. It's the last stage and I fucking hate it with the fire and passion of ten thousand suns.
In short, my dear loyal book and blog readers...almost there. We are ALMOST. THERE.
(One more book please? Pretty pretty please? I will squee with joy and do a raffle contest thingy to celebrate if we can do this before the end of the month. Please?)
March 28, 2013
Cerulean Sins--chapter 14-15
Doing final edits for Overseer's Own.
This should read as:
HOLY FUCK I HAVE HOW MANY DAYS UNTIL IT DROPS AND I AM NOT SATISFIED I WILL BE REWRITING THINGS UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE DROP DAY WHEN I FINALLY HAVE TO DO THE FORMATTING OR ELSE I WILL SAY FUCK IT AND DO THE FORMATTING THE IN THE TWO HOURS BEFORE RELEASE AND I AM HYPERVENTALIATING SOMEBODY BRING ME A PAPER BAG.
In other words...yup, business as usual in the week before a book release. At least I got the art done with time to spare. For This Found Thing it was literally doing the art the day before drop day, on top of the Diwali party (don't ask.) and I am 90% certain the stress of Diwali party on top of publishing insanity triggered my first episode of severe vertigo. Which is better now, BTW.
I am SO happy with this cover, kids. So happy, in fact, that I've ordered prints off DA. I haven't gotten prints of a lot of things and I want a print of this one because DAYUM. (also because I have Leythorne prints every fucking where and Starbleached needs equal obsession represenation).
Oh, and fun fact: The starfield that is our current background? I did that. I only wound up using about 45% of it in the cover OF AWESOME, so I dropped it in as part of this month's blog redo. LET ME KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY COLOR ISSUES SO I CAN FIX THEM THANK YOU.
Also...uh, in case you're not from LKH lashouts and you are reading the reviews for whatever reason, it's worth it to drop by because of train wreck. Specifically, LKH missed a massive deadline for her own book, and she literally turned the first draft over to the publisher.
I am dead serious.
Folks, I am not perfect, and I know I am not that great a writer (...I heard you roll your eyes from here. You might want to get that checked, you know) but tonight, I feel like a writing Goddess from planet Pluton. Yep, it might be a flimsy plot with shitty characters, problematic tropes and general ignorance all around, but you know what? At least I take time to sweep up my shit before I let things loose on the wild.
I have to blog about the book now, don't I? Fuck.
Chapter 14 opens with Anita trapped between two dead guys, dizzy from blood loss.
You know, I have a lot of sympathy for those vague health issues that aren't debilitating, but that are fucking annoying enough for you to curl up in bed 50% of the day. Mostly because I have them. But please. For the love of fuck. Don't give them to your characters.
Jason hauls Asher off Anita and she's sicker than a dog thanks to blood loss, so he tries to haul her off to the nearest medic/medical facility. Anita, however, wants to look at how pretty Jean Claude and Asher are together. Jason finally manages to get her to the hot tub, because she's awful cold and needs warming up.
She's also lost a lot of blood and should probably have a glass of OJ and a hamburger. This, of course, won't happen. Because if Anita got proper medical attention, the rest of this story wouldn't happen.
Anita then realizes that she feels too damn good given what just happens, and eventually she and Jason figure out that Asher rolled her while he was feeding and he now has some kind of hold on her or something. The hold thing is never openly mentioned in the text, but given that Jean Claude's lackies rolling one of Anita's friends is how she got into this mess to begin with, it's something we have to assume.
Meanwhile, Anita continues to have nausea and...oh fuck, is this the pregnancy scare book? Wikipedia does nothing to assuage my fears, but random inexplicable nausea in a female character usually means the author wants to play with babies for a while. Fuck. Please, please, please tell me the pregnancy scare is in a different book.
Jason gets Anita into the tub, gets in with her, and holds her while she falls asleep. End of chapter.
Chapter 15 opens with Anita being called by the cops because somebody is killing people.
LKH doesn't write cops well. Specifically, she writes them as going off on witnessess and potential informants and suspects carte blanche like every single one of them needs to be on Prozac and in Anger Management.
My favorite interview between police officer and subject is the Dave Richart/Gary Ridgeway interview because of the dynamic between Sherrif and fucked up serial murderer. But the thing that applies here is how the interview starts out with Dave all buddy-buddy with Gary. Like it's some kind of parking ticket or something. Does Dave think it was a parking ticket level offense? FUCK no. By the end of the interview he's got Gary folded over the armrest of his chair. But Dave wants Gary to talk, and Dave will be Gary's very best buddy if that's what it takes to get Gary to tell him where missing girls are. If a cop wants information from you they're not going to scream at you. They're going to buy you coffee and offer you a cigarette.
Anyway, Dolph is screaming that Anita has to come down to a crime scene, no matter how sick she happens to be today.
Meanwhile, Anita is having orgasmic flashbacks re: Asher's bite. And Jason is in shock because Anita is a screamer. And then Anita remembers some other woman Asher did this to, and subtly trashes the woman for being a quiet sex partner. Because, you know, if you're not screaming you don't actually like it.
Anita and Jason talk about the orgasm.
THERE IS A MURDER SCENE IN THE CITY AND YOU ARE SITTING ON A BED TALKING ABOUT AN ORGASM. EROTICA OR THRILLER. PICK. YOUR. FUCKING. GENRE. AND WRITE IT ALREADY.
Finally they start trying to figure out how to get Anita to the murder scene. She can't drive because she's dizzy and she might have another flashback and wreck the car. Nathanial can't take her because he passed out at the club.
Due to sex.
Apparently having to screw Anita and the ardeur every night is Death by Snu Snu. And oh, hey, long time Anita Blake readers, you want to have nightmares tonight?
There it is, folks. There's the first time the concept of a stable is brought up for serious. Can we even count the number of people Anita has anymore? Yes? No?
Finally Anita gets on the phone with Dolph and they discuss her going to the crime scene.
Because, you know, orgasms and sex partners are far more interesting subjects.
End of chapter.
This should read as:
HOLY FUCK I HAVE HOW MANY DAYS UNTIL IT DROPS AND I AM NOT SATISFIED I WILL BE REWRITING THINGS UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE DROP DAY WHEN I FINALLY HAVE TO DO THE FORMATTING OR ELSE I WILL SAY FUCK IT AND DO THE FORMATTING THE IN THE TWO HOURS BEFORE RELEASE AND I AM HYPERVENTALIATING SOMEBODY BRING ME A PAPER BAG.
In other words...yup, business as usual in the week before a book release. At least I got the art done with time to spare. For This Found Thing it was literally doing the art the day before drop day, on top of the Diwali party (don't ask.) and I am 90% certain the stress of Diwali party on top of publishing insanity triggered my first episode of severe vertigo. Which is better now, BTW.
I am SO happy with this cover, kids. So happy, in fact, that I've ordered prints off DA. I haven't gotten prints of a lot of things and I want a print of this one because DAYUM. (also because I have Leythorne prints every fucking where and Starbleached needs equal obsession represenation).
Oh, and fun fact: The starfield that is our current background? I did that. I only wound up using about 45% of it in the cover OF AWESOME, so I dropped it in as part of this month's blog redo. LET ME KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY COLOR ISSUES SO I CAN FIX THEM THANK YOU.
Also...uh, in case you're not from LKH lashouts and you are reading the reviews for whatever reason, it's worth it to drop by because of train wreck. Specifically, LKH missed a massive deadline for her own book, and she literally turned the first draft over to the publisher.
I am dead serious.
One thing I fix in copyedits is blank spaces, where I write in cap letters things like, "NOTE; NICKNAME OR TERM OF ENDEARMENT FOR NATHANIEL TO USE FOR ANITA." That blank remains and I still don't know what to put there, so here's your chance. I've got Anita's nickname for Nathaniel, & his for Micah, but still can't come up with one that works for Nathaniel to use for Anita. Suggestions?That's from a facebook post about a week ago. And I get the whole (NOTE TO SELF) thing LKH has going there. Sometimes I do it too. My last three novelettes had big-ass (parentheticals) at the end describing plot bits that I wasn't sure I needed. But you know what? First thing I did when I started the rewrites? I deleted their ass so nobody else would see it. Because that's what you do. You can be as lazy as you want with the first draft but when you're showing it to somebody else, ANYBODY else, you make it look fucking pretty. I don't even let my mother read my stuff until I've got the edits down to one or two red lines per page. The goddamned thing is named "Affliction" and that's probably the best title in the universe, because they went straight to copyediting the goddamn thing, and that's not a good sign. That's like a fashion designer going "OH FUCK WE HAVE NO TIME TO SEW THE DRESS TOGETHER LETS JUST GO STRAIGHT ON TO HAIR AND MAKEUP."
Folks, I am not perfect, and I know I am not that great a writer (...I heard you roll your eyes from here. You might want to get that checked, you know) but tonight, I feel like a writing Goddess from planet Pluton. Yep, it might be a flimsy plot with shitty characters, problematic tropes and general ignorance all around, but you know what? At least I take time to sweep up my shit before I let things loose on the wild.
I have to blog about the book now, don't I? Fuck.
Chapter 14 opens with Anita trapped between two dead guys, dizzy from blood loss.
You know, I have a lot of sympathy for those vague health issues that aren't debilitating, but that are fucking annoying enough for you to curl up in bed 50% of the day. Mostly because I have them. But please. For the love of fuck. Don't give them to your characters.
Jason hauls Asher off Anita and she's sicker than a dog thanks to blood loss, so he tries to haul her off to the nearest medic/medical facility. Anita, however, wants to look at how pretty Jean Claude and Asher are together. Jason finally manages to get her to the hot tub, because she's awful cold and needs warming up.
She's also lost a lot of blood and should probably have a glass of OJ and a hamburger. This, of course, won't happen. Because if Anita got proper medical attention, the rest of this story wouldn't happen.
Anita then realizes that she feels too damn good given what just happens, and eventually she and Jason figure out that Asher rolled her while he was feeding and he now has some kind of hold on her or something. The hold thing is never openly mentioned in the text, but given that Jean Claude's lackies rolling one of Anita's friends is how she got into this mess to begin with, it's something we have to assume.
Meanwhile, Anita continues to have nausea and...oh fuck, is this the pregnancy scare book? Wikipedia does nothing to assuage my fears, but random inexplicable nausea in a female character usually means the author wants to play with babies for a while. Fuck. Please, please, please tell me the pregnancy scare is in a different book.
Jason gets Anita into the tub, gets in with her, and holds her while she falls asleep. End of chapter.
Chapter 15 opens with Anita being called by the cops because somebody is killing people.
LKH doesn't write cops well. Specifically, she writes them as going off on witnessess and potential informants and suspects carte blanche like every single one of them needs to be on Prozac and in Anger Management.
My favorite interview between police officer and subject is the Dave Richart/Gary Ridgeway interview because of the dynamic between Sherrif and fucked up serial murderer. But the thing that applies here is how the interview starts out with Dave all buddy-buddy with Gary. Like it's some kind of parking ticket or something. Does Dave think it was a parking ticket level offense? FUCK no. By the end of the interview he's got Gary folded over the armrest of his chair. But Dave wants Gary to talk, and Dave will be Gary's very best buddy if that's what it takes to get Gary to tell him where missing girls are. If a cop wants information from you they're not going to scream at you. They're going to buy you coffee and offer you a cigarette.
Anyway, Dolph is screaming that Anita has to come down to a crime scene, no matter how sick she happens to be today.
Meanwhile, Anita is having orgasmic flashbacks re: Asher's bite. And Jason is in shock because Anita is a screamer. And then Anita remembers some other woman Asher did this to, and subtly trashes the woman for being a quiet sex partner. Because, you know, if you're not screaming you don't actually like it.
Anita and Jason talk about the orgasm.
THERE IS A MURDER SCENE IN THE CITY AND YOU ARE SITTING ON A BED TALKING ABOUT AN ORGASM. EROTICA OR THRILLER. PICK. YOUR. FUCKING. GENRE. AND WRITE IT ALREADY.
Finally they start trying to figure out how to get Anita to the murder scene. She can't drive because she's dizzy and she might have another flashback and wreck the car. Nathanial can't take her because he passed out at the club.
Due to sex.
Apparently having to screw Anita and the ardeur every night is Death by Snu Snu. And oh, hey, long time Anita Blake readers, you want to have nightmares tonight?
“Yeah, but Jean-Claude only needs to feed once a day, you need to feed twice a day. Let’s face it, Anita, you need a larger stable of pomme de sangs.”
There it is, folks. There's the first time the concept of a stable is brought up for serious. Can we even count the number of people Anita has anymore? Yes? No?
Finally Anita gets on the phone with Dolph and they discuss her going to the crime scene.
Because, you know, orgasms and sex partners are far more interesting subjects.
End of chapter.
THE COVER! IT IS DONE!
*faints*But I will say this. My favorite part of this whole image? It's the title graphics. Text effects in photoshop FTW forever.
GOD that thing looks good.
More art update
Hiya Adry! I've missed Photoshop. DAMN I've missed Photoshop.Also, is it sad that my favorite part of the image is Adry's medic badge? Because it is.
I'd say we are about 60% done. Now I just have to do Bryan's armor and the background.
Lookit that armband. LOOK AT IT. I AM AWESOME. ...Yeah. WHY DID I GIVE (SPOILER CENSORED) FUCKING SCALE MAIL BATTLE ARMOR?...because it will look awesome when it is done.
Also: No. I did not paint every single little fucking scale by hand. I cheated and used a custom brush. All I have to do is shade every single little fucking scale by hand.
Also-Also: I am exparimenting with hand-binding books. I have realized that when it comes time to do omnibuses (omnibi?) of my little books I would be best off hiring an editor. Which will be expensive as fuck. So when it comes time to do Lightning Source print books, I will *probably* do a Kickstarter and/or Indie a go go campaign to pay for the set up and the editor.
What would you guys think about hand bound, hardcover, illustrated copies of Starbleached, that first little book, as one of the donation rewards? Same would go for Exiles when it comes time for that omnibus. Discuss in comments.
(PS Self Publishing Thursdays will continue when I am not killing myself to try to get this thing done by the second. If you have something specific you want me to cover re: Self publishing things, please comment and lemme know.)
Last post for today and then I will stop
I'm posting my Starbleached playlist.
Because I want to.
Also because all of it is awesome, awesome music and I want to share all my things with everyone, everywhere, ever, so that we can all squee over the awesomeness together.
1. All Is Hell that ends Well--Two Steps from Hell --trailer music
2. 2nd Law: Unsustainable--Muse
3. 2nd Law: Isolated System--Muse
4. World Without End--Brand X Music --Trailer music
5. Control--VNV Nation
6. 3rd Planet--Modest Mouse
7. Search and Destroy--30 Seconds to Mars
8. Nova--VNV Nation
9. Cyber Slang--Brand X Music
10. Radioactive--Imagine Dragons--
11. Human--Collide
12. Pro Victoria--VNV Nation
13. Sentinal--VNV Nation
14. Tomorrow Never Comes--VNV Nation--yeah. Them too.
15. This Unfolds--Four Tet
16. Artificial Nocturne--Metric
17. Madness--Muse
18. Vice Verses--Switchfoot--Contemporary Christian band.
19. My Mind's Eye--Sirena
20. GO!--Santigold
21. American Dream--Jakatta
22. Misirlou--Wine and Alchemy---Don't bother going to Amazon for this one. It's an AWESOME local group that plays at the Ingleside Ren Faire. Albums can be found here.
23. Transfer--Collide
25. Revel in Contempt--Buke and Gass--weirdest band in my collection. YMMV.
26. Verum Aeternus--VNV Nation
27. Searching for Peeta--Hunger Games soundtrack--I cried.
28. Leaving Lemuria--Jo Blankenburg--Trailer music
29. Dreams so Real--Metric
30. 24--Jem
31. Beautiful--Sarah Brightman
32. Promise--Thomas Bergersen--Trailer music
33. Between--Vienna Tang
34. The Only Way--Gotye
35. Dirty Second Hands--Switchfoot
36. War is Coming--Epic Score--Trailer music
37. Who is Tyler Durden--Fight Club
38. Korben Dallas--Fifth Element soundtrack
39. Starstruck--Lady Gaga--Look. I have to have SOME pop music in my collection.
40. Kashmir--Wine and Alchemy
41. The Haunting--Black Halo
42. The Bad in Each Other--Feist--for the record, I loved this song LONG before Warm Bodies
43. Outt!--Buke and Gass
44. Herr Drosselmyer's Doll--Abney Park
45. Set Fire to the Rain--Adele
46. Stealing Fat--Fight Club soundtrack
47. White Rabbit--Collide
48. Guardians at the Gate--Audiomachine--Trailer music
49. Synaesthetic--Blue Man Group
50. Good Day--Britt Nicole--Christian artist.
51. Where There is Light--VNV Nation
52. Beautiful Ending--Barlowe Girl--Christian artist but DAMN. Piano OMG FTW. Every story everywhere should have this as its last song.
And if I were to pick any one song as the theme song for Starbleached, it would probably be either Control or Nova. So here are both via Youtube.
Seriously. VNV Nation is awesome and I heart everything about them forever.
Because I want to.
Also because all of it is awesome, awesome music and I want to share all my things with everyone, everywhere, ever, so that we can all squee over the awesomeness together.
1. All Is Hell that ends Well--Two Steps from Hell --trailer music
2. 2nd Law: Unsustainable--Muse
3. 2nd Law: Isolated System--Muse
4. World Without End--Brand X Music --Trailer music
5. Control--VNV Nation
6. 3rd Planet--Modest Mouse
7. Search and Destroy--30 Seconds to Mars
8. Nova--VNV Nation
9. Cyber Slang--Brand X Music
10. Radioactive--Imagine Dragons--
11. Human--Collide
12. Pro Victoria--VNV Nation
13. Sentinal--VNV Nation
14. Tomorrow Never Comes--VNV Nation--yeah. Them too.
15. This Unfolds--Four Tet
16. Artificial Nocturne--Metric
17. Madness--Muse
18. Vice Verses--Switchfoot--Contemporary Christian band.
19. My Mind's Eye--Sirena
20. GO!--Santigold
21. American Dream--Jakatta
22. Misirlou--Wine and Alchemy---Don't bother going to Amazon for this one. It's an AWESOME local group that plays at the Ingleside Ren Faire. Albums can be found here.
23. Transfer--Collide
25. Revel in Contempt--Buke and Gass--weirdest band in my collection. YMMV.
26. Verum Aeternus--VNV Nation
27. Searching for Peeta--Hunger Games soundtrack--I cried.
28. Leaving Lemuria--Jo Blankenburg--Trailer music
29. Dreams so Real--Metric
30. 24--Jem
31. Beautiful--Sarah Brightman
32. Promise--Thomas Bergersen--Trailer music
33. Between--Vienna Tang
34. The Only Way--Gotye
35. Dirty Second Hands--Switchfoot
36. War is Coming--Epic Score--Trailer music
37. Who is Tyler Durden--Fight Club
38. Korben Dallas--Fifth Element soundtrack
39. Starstruck--Lady Gaga--Look. I have to have SOME pop music in my collection.
40. Kashmir--Wine and Alchemy
41. The Haunting--Black Halo
42. The Bad in Each Other--Feist--for the record, I loved this song LONG before Warm Bodies
43. Outt!--Buke and Gass
44. Herr Drosselmyer's Doll--Abney Park
45. Set Fire to the Rain--Adele
46. Stealing Fat--Fight Club soundtrack
47. White Rabbit--Collide
48. Guardians at the Gate--Audiomachine--Trailer music
49. Synaesthetic--Blue Man Group
50. Good Day--Britt Nicole--Christian artist.
51. Where There is Light--VNV Nation
52. Beautiful Ending--Barlowe Girl--Christian artist but DAMN. Piano OMG FTW. Every story everywhere should have this as its last song.
And if I were to pick any one song as the theme song for Starbleached, it would probably be either Control or Nova. So here are both via Youtube.
Seriously. VNV Nation is awesome and I heart everything about them forever.
March 27, 2013
Cerulean Sins--chapter 13--
I love painting. Specifically, I love how little my intentions have to do with what actually happens to the "canvas". Right now I am doing Adry's shoulder armor, hands, and boobs. Here is progress picture:
...WHY DID I GIVE OVERSEERS TWO FUCKING THUMBS?!?And I would love to say that I planned this, I planned the dynamic the cover will have, that I did this all on purpose and that all of that shading up there is 100% intentional. I would love to say that, but I can't. Most of what I do is looking at it and going "HEY THAT LINE OF BLUISH STUFF RUNS EXACTLY WHERE A SHADOW NEEDS TO BE AND IT HAPPENS TO BE THE RIGHT COLOR SO I AM GOING TO LEAVE IT ALONE NOW. The most I had to work with doing this cover was that Adry had to be on it. Because *takes deep breath and parks all progressive thought for a minute* chicks sell books better than guys do. Cover art is all about selling the book, and Bob hasn't exactly moved his episode of this opera very far. Bryan is weird. He wouldn't cut it on his own. So Adry had to be there. (Yeah. Balancing idealism with the need to make money: Something progressive thinkers just don't want to talk about.) And somehow something that sums up everything this book is about has risen to the surface.
It's part of why I can't do commissions. I can't do what other people ask me to do, and I don't mean that in a special snowflake kind of way. I mean that in a "OH MY GOD THERE IS SO MUCH MONEY IN AUTHOR SERVICES AND I COULD MAKE SO MUCH IF I DID BOOK COVERS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ME WHY CAN I NOT DO THIS THERE IS MONEY HERE" kind of way. I have done a grand total of three book covers. NONE of them are in my gallery, none of them are in my portfolio. I hate them. I hate everything about them. I wish they would go die. Oh, the customers were happy enough. (One of them even paid me!) But each time I finished up, sent the stuff off, and thought "Thank GOD that's over." My least favorite job was actually the one I got paid for, because I knew every fucking second that it was a horrible cover, it didn't tell the reader anything about the story, but the author wanted it done exactly that way, she wouldn't let me read the actual book itself (loyal author-readers? If you self publish and you have to hire an artist, let the artist read your fucking book. Or at minimum, give them the scene you want on the cover to read.).
I also can't thumbnail or sketch for shit. Which is a highly underrated skill. Not having to explain what the blobby bits of paint will eventually be is a huge plus.
Ah, well.
Also: Awesome person who bought the entire Exiles series in one go today: you are a wonderful, wonderful human being and I hope you live strong forever. Seriously. It makes my day whenever somebody buys my books.
Right. Sucky book.
Look, I am the wrong person to review sex scenes, okay? I hate them. There have been a few that I've found interesting, I like well written sexual tension (See Paladin of Souls) and under the right circumstances, I like a well done scene. But the main thing that gets me going in a story is good rhythem. Sex scenes always, always, ALWAYS stop plot progression cold. They are a word-sink. They are padding. They are two characters sitting in the same place doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER until the author decides their word count is big enough and finally lets somebody come. And when I read, loyal blog readers, I am reading for plot. I want brief with curtain waves because the author left me with a king in peril and a kingdom at risk and I'd rather know how the princess gets rescued than I would know where the wizard's dick went.
Chapter 13 opens with rushed sex. They only have a couple hours before Jean Claude and Asher "die" for the day. And so we move right past Anita giving Asher oral sex and dive straight into a request for double penetration.
...can I go back to talking about art and why I can't make money on commissions? That was so much less scarring.
And then we get random french from Jean Claude as he warns Asher off:
"It" being penetrated anally. So basically Jean Claude gets to actually have sex with Anita, while Asher has to make due with dry humping.
Isn't he the dude Anita is trying to save? What happened to that plan?
Eventually Anita demands Asher be inside her somehow, so he bites her neck. And you know how Master level vampires have powers? Jean Claude has his Animal to Call (That phrase will haunt your dreams if we go much deeper into this series) and the ardeur, other vamps can do...uh...other things. Asher's bite is literally orgasmic.
And then we hit something that breaks my heart:
IF this were attached to a sex scene that was actually sexy, and IF the author had taken ten fucking minutes to clean up the wording and punctuation, that little bit right there would have been really, really good. It's that rolling repetition, the bolded part. That is a good bit of writing. That's the bit you frame with everything else. And instead of taking a few minutes to rescue that gem, LKH shit all over it. Did she punctuate this with her eyes closed?
So everybody comes, and then naturally the sun rises and Jean Claude and Asher "die" with Anita trapped between them. Because traumatizing the fuck out of our protagonist is the word of the day. And I really have to say it:
LKH needs to stop writing about bodily fluids in her sex scenes. Yes. They are there. But the post-sex clean up? That is not sexy. That is the part you curtain wave and pretend like it doesn't exist, unless you are far more fucked up than I want to know about.
Also? Anita is now dizzy from blood loss.
This will be a major plot point.
The chapter ends with our brave heroine screaming her head off because she can't get the dead men to roll off.
Yeah. Anita, baby? Piss Poor Planning on your part does not equal an emergency on mine. You might want to have that put onto a coffee cup.
...WHY DID I GIVE OVERSEERS TWO FUCKING THUMBS?!?And I would love to say that I planned this, I planned the dynamic the cover will have, that I did this all on purpose and that all of that shading up there is 100% intentional. I would love to say that, but I can't. Most of what I do is looking at it and going "HEY THAT LINE OF BLUISH STUFF RUNS EXACTLY WHERE A SHADOW NEEDS TO BE AND IT HAPPENS TO BE THE RIGHT COLOR SO I AM GOING TO LEAVE IT ALONE NOW. The most I had to work with doing this cover was that Adry had to be on it. Because *takes deep breath and parks all progressive thought for a minute* chicks sell books better than guys do. Cover art is all about selling the book, and Bob hasn't exactly moved his episode of this opera very far. Bryan is weird. He wouldn't cut it on his own. So Adry had to be there. (Yeah. Balancing idealism with the need to make money: Something progressive thinkers just don't want to talk about.) And somehow something that sums up everything this book is about has risen to the surface.It's part of why I can't do commissions. I can't do what other people ask me to do, and I don't mean that in a special snowflake kind of way. I mean that in a "OH MY GOD THERE IS SO MUCH MONEY IN AUTHOR SERVICES AND I COULD MAKE SO MUCH IF I DID BOOK COVERS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ME WHY CAN I NOT DO THIS THERE IS MONEY HERE" kind of way. I have done a grand total of three book covers. NONE of them are in my gallery, none of them are in my portfolio. I hate them. I hate everything about them. I wish they would go die. Oh, the customers were happy enough. (One of them even paid me!) But each time I finished up, sent the stuff off, and thought "Thank GOD that's over." My least favorite job was actually the one I got paid for, because I knew every fucking second that it was a horrible cover, it didn't tell the reader anything about the story, but the author wanted it done exactly that way, she wouldn't let me read the actual book itself (loyal author-readers? If you self publish and you have to hire an artist, let the artist read your fucking book. Or at minimum, give them the scene you want on the cover to read.).
I also can't thumbnail or sketch for shit. Which is a highly underrated skill. Not having to explain what the blobby bits of paint will eventually be is a huge plus.
Ah, well.
Also: Awesome person who bought the entire Exiles series in one go today: you are a wonderful, wonderful human being and I hope you live strong forever. Seriously. It makes my day whenever somebody buys my books.
Right. Sucky book.
Look, I am the wrong person to review sex scenes, okay? I hate them. There have been a few that I've found interesting, I like well written sexual tension (See Paladin of Souls) and under the right circumstances, I like a well done scene. But the main thing that gets me going in a story is good rhythem. Sex scenes always, always, ALWAYS stop plot progression cold. They are a word-sink. They are padding. They are two characters sitting in the same place doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER until the author decides their word count is big enough and finally lets somebody come. And when I read, loyal blog readers, I am reading for plot. I want brief with curtain waves because the author left me with a king in peril and a kingdom at risk and I'd rather know how the princess gets rescued than I would know where the wizard's dick went.
Chapter 13 opens with rushed sex. They only have a couple hours before Jean Claude and Asher "die" for the day. And so we move right past Anita giving Asher oral sex and dive straight into a request for double penetration.
...can I go back to talking about art and why I can't make money on commissions? That was so much less scarring.
And then we get random french from Jean Claude as he warns Asher off:
Jean-Claude’s voice came as if from a great distance, “Non, mon chardonneret, we have done no preparation. She has never had it done before.”
"It" being penetrated anally. So basically Jean Claude gets to actually have sex with Anita, while Asher has to make due with dry humping.
Isn't he the dude Anita is trying to save? What happened to that plan?
Eventually Anita demands Asher be inside her somehow, so he bites her neck. And you know how Master level vampires have powers? Jean Claude has his Animal to Call (That phrase will haunt your dreams if we go much deeper into this series) and the ardeur, other vamps can do...uh...other things. Asher's bite is literally orgasmic.
And then we hit something that breaks my heart:
I rode that pleasure over and over and over until I screamed out, wordless, soundless, skinless, boneless, I was nothing, but the warm spilling pleasure. There was nothing else.
IF this were attached to a sex scene that was actually sexy, and IF the author had taken ten fucking minutes to clean up the wording and punctuation, that little bit right there would have been really, really good. It's that rolling repetition, the bolded part. That is a good bit of writing. That's the bit you frame with everything else. And instead of taking a few minutes to rescue that gem, LKH shit all over it. Did she punctuate this with her eyes closed?
So everybody comes, and then naturally the sun rises and Jean Claude and Asher "die" with Anita trapped between them. Because traumatizing the fuck out of our protagonist is the word of the day. And I really have to say it:
I was pressed between the frantic pulse and warmth of their bodies, the fluids not even cooled on our skin,
LKH needs to stop writing about bodily fluids in her sex scenes. Yes. They are there. But the post-sex clean up? That is not sexy. That is the part you curtain wave and pretend like it doesn't exist, unless you are far more fucked up than I want to know about.
Also? Anita is now dizzy from blood loss.
This will be a major plot point.
The chapter ends with our brave heroine screaming her head off because she can't get the dead men to roll off.
Yeah. Anita, baby? Piss Poor Planning on your part does not equal an emergency on mine. You might want to have that put onto a coffee cup.
Epic spam part deux
As earlier established, I've got a minor spam problem on the blog. I've kept it under control so you haven't noticed, but I get one or two little messages about forex trading or stock market tips or how to make your butt look small. And I like to play the "Spam bot or hungry college student" game, because every once in a while something utterly random drops in the spam filter.
Today, it happened again:
Anatomy textbook copy pasta is apparently avoiding a serious operation with diverse uses and applications. It has decided to get a good massage therapist instead, but apparently lacks the funds to pay.
I am so totally turning that last one into a story, BTW. I just need to have the time.
Today, it happened again:
Its attachments to the bοneѕ originate on the baѕе of the hеad, shοulders, bасk and shοulders, feеt, buttock's and breasts. Some of these include avoiding having an episiotomy and the use or application of each one and looking for the perfect massage therapist, I work hard to gain financial ground?
Anatomy textbook copy pasta is apparently avoiding a serious operation with diverse uses and applications. It has decided to get a good massage therapist instead, but apparently lacks the funds to pay.
I am so totally turning that last one into a story, BTW. I just need to have the time.
