Chelsea Gaither's Blog, page 13

Paksenarrion--chapter 13

Just a one off tonight kids. Got a lot of stuff to take care of tomorrow.

On the plus side, the next Starbleached book (Working title: Fortitude) is drafted and in its cooldown phase. I'm now working on the next Exiles book. So you finally have something to look forward to!

So our chapter opens with Paks marching to the seige. It becomes real clear that the bad guys know the Company is on its way. Lots of the vets are groaning. We get a nice list of all the cities Paks is marching through before she gets to her destination:

Even from a distance, Rotengre looked more formidable than the other cities, more like an overgrown fort: high, steep walls, massive towers, all out of proportion to the breadth. It was shaped somewhat like a rectangle with the corners bitten off; its long axis ran north and south, with the only two gates on the short ends. Paks decided that the tales must be true— it was a city built for trouble, not for honest trade.

They march, their allies join them, and the folks in Rotengre withdraw into their city and slam the gates shut. The seige has begun.

The descriptions can basically be summed up thusly: Paks is so bored she'd rather be digging latrines than standing at front line duty. Because seiges are boring as fuck and everybody hates them. It's also fucking hot. So when Paks gets ordered to hike up north to relieve a garrison, she's like "Cool beans. I'll go" and gets right to marching.

They get to the fort just in time for it to get put under seige.They let things run for about an hour and then start talking surrender. Mostly because they are mercenaries and they don't give a fuck about holding it, they just don't want to die.

Donag nodded at the siege engines rolling down the slope toward the bridge. "We will sooner or later. We can hold it a week, maybe, if we've water enough. But we'd take heavy losses, and they'd break through in the end. Tir's guts, I wasn't looking forward to being a captive again."

That last sentence makes me giggle like a little girl.

Donag explains that they'll be counted, tallied, probably given a pretty generous parole, and held onto until the Duke pays ransom. The biggest rule is "Don't fuck the enemy, it's bad manners and beneath our dignity when we're their prisoners. Wait until after we get ransomed." Sounds nice and almost bloodless, right?

...yeah, I have been cringing in anticipation of this next sequence of events.

There's an interesting moment when they are ordered to disarm. Paks does not want to surrender her sword. For a moment she imagines rushing the enemy, then elects to lay her sword down gently, rather than just dropping it. It's kind of pretty, and it defines her character for others, later.

 As Paks slipped her dagger from its sheath, she felt a heavy cold weight dragging at her. She was not even tempted to use the dagger. It seemed that nothing could ever be right again. To stand unarmed in the midst of armed troops, defeated without a fight, was the worst thing she could imagine. But with the others she marched back, under guard, to await events.

Paks is also reluctant to agree to the terms of parole. One of the enemy captains talks her into it by explaining that, between mercs, it's all just a kind of game, and there's no honor lost in surrendering right now. Then he goes into lecture mode and gives all the newbies a good, long education in why Respecting Each Others' Prisoners Is Important. (basically, so you don't get treated like shit when it's your turn in the shackles. Which they're not using here, because respecting each others' prisoners is important.)

They are eventually allowed to leave the keep and pick berries. Paks does this as often as she can. This makes sure that she, Saben and Canna are outside of the city when the next shoe falls.

End of chapter.

Paksenarrion--chapter 11 and 12

Okay, updatey things first. The next starbleached book is almost finished. I have about two scenes left. Suffice to say that Antidepressants FUCKING ROCK, and I'm wandering around going "Is this normal? Is this how normal people feel? Is something wrong? Did they put me on too high a dose? Are there rainbows shooting out of my ass? WHAT IS THIS?" At one point I asked my mom, who has more mental health training than I do, to go down the manic episode checklist, and at the end of it she was like "No, you don't have a problem. You're just normal." We're watching me kind of close and I'm going back in to see my caseworker later this week and the doctor later this month, but so far it's like WOW.

And that's what chemical depression is, children. It's not a feeling, it's not something you can think your way through. YOUR BRAIN IS SICK IT IS NOT WORKING CORRECTLY.

Also, I'm in the process of arranging for a summer job, as once the school year ends I will be out of work. There is an AMAZING chance on the table right now that has (as far as I know) absolutely nothing to do with writing or art but everything to do with potentially crafty things and positivity and working with special needs people all summer long. I have no idea what that'll do to other things I had planned for the summer (Derail them, most likely) but an awful lot of me is like OH MY GOD I CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO DO THIS.

So anyway...really good book.

Paks rejoins her company. They routed the enemy, but re-enforcements are arriving and the other side is gonna have another go. Paks takes a minute to look at her allies, including their livery, which is described really well and seems pretty realistic.The next battle happens and Paks does rather well.

Eventually Paks asks why they're fighting over the same stretch of ground without trying to take the other guy's camp. Her shadow, who is still an asshole, explains:

"Why don't they want to fight and win?" she asked one night.

 "Don't complain," said Donag. "If they wanted to win— I suppose you mean Foss Council?— it'd be our blood on the ground, and not their militia's. Think about it. They want to win , but what they want to win is whatever it is they're fighting about: where a border is, or a caravan tariff , or something like that. If they can convince Czardas to yield on that, without us having to cut our way through the entire Czardian army, so much the better."

Yep. Nobody got a horse in this battle, my friends, except the people paying money. So they'll make a lot of noise and some people will get dead, and eventually the two parties who actually do give a fuck about things will wind up at the negotiating table.

Kind of dispiriting, isn't it?

Tactics go back and forth, and eventually that's exactly what happens: The treaty gets signed in favor of Paks' employers, rather than the other guy's, and most of the Company survives to be glorified caravan guards for the rest of the season. Paks gets paid.

Apparently the currancy in this relm is not only gendered, it's also pretty sexist.

Anyhoo, Paks is going to try to save most of hers up so she can pay her father for the dowery that never was. Frankly I'd let Dad swing, seeing as how he paid it before he got his daughter's consent, but Paks loves her family, so she's gonna squirrel most of it away.

And then most of the veterans take most of the recruits off to show them how not to get robbed in a tavern. Or rather, how to pick good taverns so they don't get robbed.

"Is Foss so dangerous?" asked Saben. "And who'd attack us? We're armed," said Paks. "It's exactly that attitude ," said Stammel severely, "that loses good fighters every year. With the Company , you're good. But alone, in an alley with thieves— no. If you're lucky you wake up in the morning with a lump on your head and no money. Unlucky, you find yourself in a slaver's wagon with a sack over your head and a brand— or maybe just dead. You youngsters don't know the first thing about cities —well, maybe Vik and Jorti do— and that's why you'll come with me this time."

There's a nice scene in one tavern where a guy cat-calls Paks, who freezes for multiple reasons, and Stammel explains that she could kill the idiot, and he should know because he trains her. The guy promptly shits himself and goes away. Then there's a shopping scene that finally gives us a decent list of this world's gods:

She found the surprise for Saben several shops down. Here were trays of religious symbols, carved of the appropriate stone or metal. Most she did not know. The crescent and cudgel of Gird were familiar, and the Holy Circle, and the wheatsheaf of the Lady of Peace. The sword of Tir was there, both plain and cleverly set with a tiny jewel in the pommel. But whose was the leaping fish, or the tree, or the arch of tiny stars ? She looked at tiny golden apples, at green leaves, at anvils, hammers, spears, fox or wolf heads, little human figures clothed in flowers (swirling hair made the loop for hanging). Here was the antlered figure of Guthlac, and the double-faced head of Simyits, a harp for Garin, the patron of harpers, and shears for Dort, the patron of sheepshearers and all in the wool trade. Then she saw the little red stone horse, and remembered Saben's words that day in the stronghold. She looked up and found the shopkeeper watching her. She glanced around; Saben was in the next shop, pricing combs for his sisters.

The chapter ends with her giving Saben the horse, and him giving her a comb he tricked her into picking out herself.

Next chapter: Paks and Saben are talking during guard duty about their plans for the future. Saben eventually asks if Paks would like to be more than friends.

"Saben, you know I—"
 "You don't want it. I know. Not from me or anyone. Well, I'm not asking: just if you did ever change. If it was just Korryn, I mean." 
Paks ducked her head lower and stared at the ground. "No. Even before. I just don't feel that way."
 He sighed. "I'm glad it wasn't Korryn. Don't worry; I won't bother you." 

She looked up. "You never have."

Short, sweet, to the point, and IMHO it shows that this is an awesome friendship. Saben would rather not ruin it by pushing for sex. Even though he really likes Paks. And then he basically spoils major plot points by teasing her:

Saben nodded. "Lady Paksenarrion, in shining armor on a great war-horse, with a magic sword—don't laugh at me, companion! Here I'm giving you a good-luck prophecy and you laugh at me. Ha! See if I ever warn you about overhoning your blades again."

Eventually someone--not them--spots the Duke coming in. Apparently the Wolf Prince has been hitting the wounded of every mercenary company he can find, and the Duke would really like to make that stop. He doesn't take Paks, though, so we have to wait for Barra to them all about it. Basically, they attacked his stronghold and broke it,saw the condition the servants and prisoners were in, and decided killing every soldier loyal to the Wolf Prince, as well as the Prince himself, was the absolute best thing they could do.

Vik comments at how Barra's difficult to deal with. Paks defends her on the basis of Barra being a good fighter. Vik then goes into a FUCKING BEAUTIFUL speech about how you can't be that black and white--if you don't learn to judge people by who they are, and not just on how much you like them, or want to like them, you can get hurt pretty badly.

You've told us you always wanted to be a fighter, a fighter for good, right?" He waited for her nod before going on. "Well, you're so intent on that— you don't see other things. You see people as good or bad, not in between; as fighters or not, and not in between . And since you're basically a good person, you see most people as good— but most people, Paks, are in between— both as fighters, and as good or bad. And they're different. If you don't learn to see them straight— just as you'd look at a sword, knowing all swords aren't alike— you'll depend on them for what they don't have."

Paks and the other recruits are now past their first year. There's a long sequence to show how she's matured, and how she's accepted by the Company as a veteran. The next batch of recruits come in, and Paks finds out about the trick they played on her the first day she arrived:

"Just hang about as if you didn't know they were coming," said Donag, grinning . "Keep close to the yard. When the captain yells, throw yourself into position, fast. Whoever's closest, go for the front; never mind your usual position. What counts is speed. They don't know where we're supposed to be, and they'll be too scared to notice. Be sure to keep a straight face— they'll be funny, but don't laugh."

Stammel is not her sargent anymore. Instead she gets a difficult-at-first female sargent who Paks eventually warms up to. Then they get their next contract:

This year's contract was very different. "It's a siege," explained Donag, who had used his own mysterious contacts to find out. "The Guild League cities are joining to siege and assault another city, halfway across Aarenis. They're hiring several companies as well as their own militia. I think our contract's with Sorellin, but the others are supporting it."

The city they're fighting is a haven for theives. The bad news is it'll probably last a long time. The Good news is, unless they hire the Honeycat the theives won't have any support at all.

Yeah. Guess who the theives are going to hire.

Anyhoo, the chapter ends with Paks feeling rather confused, but upbeat: At least she'll be marching to someplace she hasn't seen before.

Paksenarrion chapter 9-10

There's a lot of marching and a lot of worldbuilding--rained out, irritated merchants, landlords who don't want to deal with said rained out merchants.

"Guild League cities, that is. Those on the north caravan route, not the Immer route." Paks felt that this explained nothing. Stammel noticed her blank look. "Don't you know anything about the south , about Aarenis?" 

"It's where some spice comes from, and fancy embroidery," said Paks.

I heart you Paks. Please don't change too much.

So Stammel breaks down a breif history of the world for Paks, and it is LOOOOOOONNNNNNNG on the infodumping, but it kind of makes since as Paks knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT HER UNIVERSE. Then he moves on to "Yeah, the Duke has standards, but he's gonna fight for whoever pays the best who isn't actively shitting on decent people." which makes a couple of the other guys go "HUH I THOUGHT ALL MERCS WERE THE SAME."

"What do you mean, we're an honorable company?" asked Barra. "Aren't all companies much alike?" 

"Tir, no! I wish they were. The good ones—mostly northern— agree on some things— we won't harbor each other's criminals or traitors, we won't torture prisoners , we treat prisoners fairly, and so forth. We don't steal supplies from peasants, or destroy crops if we can avoid it. We compete, but we know there's wars enough to keep us all employed; we don't try to kill each other off, except in battle . And that's our business. But there are some others—"

Pont gets into the "scare the recruit shitless" action, and begins feeding them stories about the Wolf Prince, an all around scoundril who will do ANYTHING to win. Huh. Gee, hope he doesn't show up later.

(Hint: He shows up later)

Another merc is mentioned--the Honeycat--and Paks is told they'll probably meet him later in this campaign. One of the other recruits is having a lot of trouble with the "Surrender when we tell you" part of being a mercenary.

Effa was still arguing, talking about St . Gird and the honor of a warrior, and Arñe, as usual , was trying to shut Effa up. "Effa," said Pont finally, "if you wanted to be that sort of warrior —a paladin or something like that— you should have talked to your Marshal about joining a fighting order—" "He said I should get experience," said Effa, red-faced. "You'll get that here," said Pont. "And even Marshals and paladins, Effa, must follow orders—" "But they don't surrender! They fight to the death—" "Not always," said Bosk. "I've known them to retreat: any good warrior must learn when to withdraw."

All of that is really important and will not even START to payoff until the end of the book.

Paks sees mountains for the first time. She reacts to them just about the same way I did. (OOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIIINY)

Eventually they reach a very pretty valley that is absolutely SWARMING with other merc companies. One of them rather pointedly hints that they'll be clashing with Duke Phelan (AKA Paks's) company real soon.

And then Paks gets a shithead of a shadow to help her survive the war.

"Are you the one that got Stephi in such trouble?" Paks froze; she had relaxed too soon. Donag interpreted her silence to suit himself. "I thought so. You ought to be ashamed enough to keep quiet. A good friend he's been to me, Stephi— cause more trouble , and you won't see the north again." He glowered at her a moment longer. "They say you can fight; it had best be true."

And then when they reach the next rest point, Stephi himself shows up and heads over to talk to Paks.

I have no idea how I feel about this other than creeped the fuck out. Yes, the guy was drugged and TECHNICALLY the incident counts as a rape of him too, but GOOOOOOD is this creepy.

The upshot, though, is that Stephi drags Donag off for a nice talk and after that, he's nicer to Paks.

Some of the vets are friendlier than Donag. Canna is nice to Paks. She's important later. There's more marching.

Chapter nine ends and chapter ten begins with the enemy showing up.

Paks gets the shakes almost immediately. She stands her ground, but it's her first battle and there are a lot of bad guys out there.

She fights, manages her first kill, and gets herself seriously wounded within a few paragraphs. Not bad for her first time. Stammel sends her to the back of the line for medical attention. They hold her down, treat her wound, and drug her unconsious with herbs mixed with wine, because there's no pain meds in this universe.

There's also no antibiotics, so Paks immediately gets very sick and recovers very slowly. They send her off the front lines to one of the supply cities as soon as she's able to walk. In a wagon.

She settled into the second of five wagons, bedded deep in straw and braced into a corner against the jolting ride. Four others shared the wagon: Callexon, a recruit in Dorrin's cohort, with his broken leg bound in splints, a veteran with a huge lump on his head who never woke up, a woman named Varne , from Cracolnya's cohort, who had been burned by flaming oil, and Effa, who had been trampled by a warhorse and would never walk.

I'm gonna confess: At this point in the novel I was really attached to Effa, and it made me very sad that she was paralyzed. But not nearly as sad as the next part:

She was wakened by a scream and a jolt that wrenched her leg. She opened her eyes to see Vanza hurtling out the back of their wagon, sword in hand . Out the front she could see strange horses and masked riders with black wolf's heads on their red jerkins.

The Wolf Prince is after Duke Phelan's wounded, and this includes Paks. One of the "fun" aspects of his MO is that he'll hold people ransom...but only for three days. Pay in coin or jewels, or you get your people back in itty bitty pieces. The mules on Paks's wagon bolt as soon as the fighting starts, and she spends a lot of her time alternating between dodging weapons and trying to get the bits back out of the mules' teeth. Another wagon manages to get away, but it breaks down before they get too far. They unload all the wounded and start trying to fix the wagons. Paks tunes out and is someplace safe when she tunes back in. She gets healed by magic, probably the first serious mention in the book. The wizard is a dude named Vetrifuge.

That's the best wizard name in the history of things.

Duke Phelan himself interviews her because she was consious during the attack, and she played a pretty good role in it herself, getting the horses out. She gives him enough information to know who attacked his wounded, and he promises her that she'll be right as rain in a few days, and ready to kill everybody that threatened to hurt her friends.

The chapter ends with a long discussion of the nature of theology and magic, and how everything has a price.

I seriously love this book.

Paksenarrion--chapter 7+8

Chapter seven opens with prep for the mysterious Duke's arrival. It takes a few paragraphs and covers pretty much everything--they have to basically scrub everything, including the latrines, with the medival version of a toothbrush, and they're not allowed into the actual hall at all. Paks then pulls guard duty. There's a very brief description of the sky, relevant stars, and how Paks feels about them (IE the setting of a particular constallation means she's closer to the end of a miserable watch).

 Of course that means she's the first to catch the flash of armor that means the Duke and his soldiers are on their way. She gets ushered back to the other recruits to parade for them--though it takes an INCREDIBLY long and detailed description of the sunrise for us to get to the actual flashy thing.

The Duke arrives:

"Welcome, my lord Duke," he said. The cloaked figure pushed back the fur-edged hood, revealing rumpled red hair above a bearded face.
"Early for breakfast, I'd have thought," said the Duke. "What sharp eyes spotted us this time?"
 "A recruit, my lord," said Valichi. 

The Duke scanned each of the recruit units; Paks felt his gaze like a dagger blade, cold and keen. Then he grinned at Valichi. "Well," he said, "let's keep that one. Good work, Captain."

The Duke's last name is Phelan. He spends the next few days inspecting everything and, on occasion, eating in the recruit's mess. The only mention of the trial is when Paks wonders what the Duke did to Stephi. She doesn't ask anyone. The recruits figure out pretty damn fast that they're being tested informally, and they push themselves pretty hard--mostly resulting in minor injuries. On the last day they form up and the Duke gives a little speech. It's short and kind of pretty. Paks unit, of course, is allowed to march out of the training area first.

Then they all go get their armor and weapons issued. This happens:

"Make up your minds," said Stammel, "how you're going to wear your hair. If it's long, I'd say keep it inside the helmet, hot as it is, or some enemy will grab it and throw you. It'll make a cushion." Paks found a way of winding her braid that was comfortable and secure. But the helmet was heavier than she'd expected. So was everything else.

It's a really minor point, but the one thread--it doesn't even count as a plot point--that I remember best from this book is Paks' hair. It's a really minor detail that evolves as her character evolves.

They march. Paks reflects on how much she's changed since she started this trip. It's been pretty much a full year since she signed on, if I'm reading it right. Along the way she accepts that she is now a mercenary. Along the march Paks overhears a lot of shouted hints and comments on what lies ahead of her.  Eventually they hit a city, and Paks's small-town girl brain promptly explodes. Eventually they reach a courtyard and settle down for dinner. The conversations indicate that the Company has been through here. Several times.



Paks also sees her first elf.

"You mean you don't know? It's a good thing you didn't point. That was an elf, from Lyonya or the Ladysforest, a messenger to the Council."
 "Elf—" Paks and Saben looked at each other. "Will we see more of elves and dwarves and things like that?" asked Paks.

 Bosk spat. "I hope not. Uncanny, they are, and unfriendly, too. We don't have much to do with them , and the less the better, I say."

They also name-drop another type of elves, the kuaknom. This won't materialize for a while, so we can just ignore it for now.

They swap stories for the night--there's a really good description of a chandelier as seen by a poor person--and move out the next day.  In the rain.

It's miserable. Moving on.

Eventually they hit a bog they can't march through, in what ought to be a road. Stammel's captian, Pont, orders Paks and the others to fill the bog in with most of the nearest wall. 

The chapter ends with Paks and the others making it to something resembling shelter.

Paksenarrion--chapter 5-6

Sorry for the delay guys. Work stress plus health stress plus WHY DO WE HAVE TO TAKE A HUNDRED TWENTY SMALL CHILDREN TO A PARK FOR SIX HOURS AGAIN WE ALREADY DID THIS DAMN IT equals a CW that just wants to hibernate.

Oh. And tomorrow is my birthday.

Anyhoo...now that Paks is cleared and safely hospitalized, they're going to intervew Stephi, the guy who might have been drugged into hurting her. He testifies that he was brought ale while he was arranging for the return of a captian--something he actually wanted, because the Duke in charge of the company is apparently also in charge of a first rate brewery. He was brought more ale than he liked, so he saved some of it and drank the rest. About an hour later, he felt very irritable and then blacked out until he woke up back in the infirmary.

They test the ale he saved, and the tanker he drank out of, and don't find anything. He then adds that he also stored a love potion in his saddle bags.

Stephi thought a moment. "Well—" he looked embarrassed. "I do have a— sort of a— a love potion. I got it from an old granny down the other side of Vérella. But— there's not much to it, sir, really, and besides, I didn't take it..."

He continues that it's a really basic potion that folk can get anywhere, but they all go trudging off to check his saddlebags anyway. They find the flask of saved ale mostly empty, and the potion bottle completely empty and stinking to high heaven of something Stephi doesn't remember buying. The ale flask is also full of the stuff. But he doesn't remember drinking from the flask, which means everything is still very fucking confused. He gets carted off to the jail cells on his and his captians own insistance because, drugs or not, he did something really, really terrible and can't escape it.

The POV switches back to Paks just long enough for the council to make sure she wasn't raped. She wasn't penetrated. Switch back to the council.

"I hope so. She's a good one, Kolya— almost as good as who she looks like— Tamarrion— if nothing goes wrong."

Kolya looked thoughtful. "Does she? I couldn't tell, with all those bruises. You know you can't protect the good ones, Stammel; it ruins them in the long run." "I know. But this kind of thing—"

"If she's that good it won't stop her. Nothing stopped Tamarrion. Wait and see— I'd best go."

And this is your first clue (if the shit-tastic events preceeding this chapter weren't, anyway) that Something Is Up with the Company. But this has a LOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOONG ass payoff so just chalk this up for future reference and move on.

Chapter six opens with the punishment of Korryn, his buddy Jens, and Stephi.

A heavy timbered framework on a low platform was centered before them; on the right stood the witnesses, and on the left was a quartet of guards near a smoking brazier one holding a straight razor, and one a whip. Paks recognized the dark guard who had held her. She looked at the razor and whip, and shivered.

This does not bode well for Korryn the shithead. The charges are read out, Jens is to be whipped and shaved, Korryn is to be shaved everywhere, whipped forty times, and then branded and kicked out of the Duke's territory. And no, we haven't met the Duke yet. Jens is punished first:

"One," said Captain Valichi. The whip smacked against his back; Paks saw his face twist in pain . "Two." Another smack. He gave a strangled cry . "Three. Four." The captain paused. "Sergeant Stammel— do you want the parting blow?" 

"No, sir. Not for this one."

hoooo boy.

Then it's Korryn's turn. He's beaten bloody well past the point where Paks can watch--because remember, she was told that she would be punished this way for picking the fight with Stephi--and then this happens:

Paks watched, fascinated and horrified, as he braced himself and gave Korryn five powerful blows. Korryn's body jerked, and he gave a last scream and fainted. Stammel ran his hand down Korryn's back and returned to his unit, holding his bloody hand out . He faced Paks, and touched it to her forehead as her eyes widened in shock. "By this blood your injury is avenged," he said, and took up his position again.

Yeah. It ain't safe here, kids.

Then the Captian sits Paks down for a little chat. She's done nothing wrong, though he does recommend she learn what her curses mean before she calls somebody names. He asks her if she wants to stay in the company; she does. And then he lets Stephi come in to apologize to Paks in person.

I don't like this part. Paks doesn't like this part. But she agrees to let him apologize because she feels it is the right thing to do. It's short. He apologizes. She accepts no blame. Then he's shipped off to their main offices for trial by the Duke and both he and Korryn are pretty much out of the story either permanently or for a good long while.

Paks rejoins the company. She's still too hurt for weapons drills, but she marches and does the chores, and almost everybody avoids her.

Almost.

One of the female soldiers, Barryani, begins badgering Paks about how she would have handled the rape attempt--mostly by talking about the number of ways she would have injured Stephi, or Korryn, or both.

"You should have poked an eye out," she began one afternoon, as they walked back to the main stronghold with a load of firewood. 
Paks shook her head. "I was trying to get away." 
"That's stupid . Anyone can get mauled trying to get away . Attack on your own. If you'd gotten an eye—"

 "I'd have been in worse trouble, Barra." Paks checked the mule she was leading, and shoved one length of wood back into place.

This conversation continues, with Paks saying less and less, until one of the other characters tells Barra to put a sock in it, and the conversation shifts back over to a discussion of Gods and Saints and faith.

"No. I thought Falk was a sort of saint, like Gird." 
"Saints!" snorted Barra from Vik's other side.
 "He is," said Vik seriously. "And Barra— I wouldn't scoff at them. Maybe they're far above us—but they have power."

"The gods have power," said Barra. "I'm not like Effa— I don't believe that men become gods when they die. And I'd rather be alive anyway."

Anyhoo, Paks's group is then taken to the Duke's East, a section of the territory where one of the minister/judges from Paks's trial lives with her apple orchards. Her name is Kolya, and while Paks is at the orchard helping with the harvest, she overhears Kolya talking about that Tammarion person:

"— wouldn't have happened like that at all," she heard Stammel say. "She would have made sure first, before she called for a ban."
Kolya snorted . "In her day, you'd never have brought back someone like Korryn at all, would you?"

 "No— you're right about that. But things are different." Paks saw his head shake, far below, then he peered up to see that she was working. She wondered if the mysterious Tamarrion had been a sergeant— even a captain— but something in their tone kept her from asking.

Eventually Paks earns her way up to guard duty, and her commanders begin educating them in terms of tactics and whatnot. The training on mounted tactics is amusing. They're taught on mules who rather like to kick. Eventually she notices that anyone who wants to leave is allowed to; no muss, no fuss, no questions. You want out? Here's your pay, there's the gate. Bye. Stammal explains that it's because they want people who want to be there, who are smart enough to avoid serious injury, who have the guts to stay after something like Korryn's punishment. They want dependable people who want to fight, because those dependable people are probably all that's going to keep each other alive. Paks looks around at her friends and realizes that some of them are probably going to die the first time they go into battle, and that their deaths might be her fault...

And the chapter ends with a hint that the next chapter is probably going to be that first campaign.

Deed of Paksenarrion chapter 2-3

It's so nice to be reading a book where shit actually happens. If this were a certain book series about sexy vampires we'd probably still be discussing who gets to ride shotgun on the way to the first crime scene or something. Instead...

It seemed to Paksenarrion that events had moved with blinding speed. Only that afternoon she had been a file leader, and Siger had praised her. Now she was shivering on the stone sleeping bench of an underground cell, out of sight and sound of everyone, cold, hungry, frightened, and in more trouble that she'd dreamed possible.

Yep. Something happened to Paks. We don't get to know what it is right off, but she's hurt pretty bad and her superior officers are about to throw her out of the company, naked and shaved. Now, I've read this before, but I'm gonna play along like I haven't, because it's...well, you'll see.

She insists she did not start the fight, so apparently she got into it with one of the other recruits. Stammal insists that she had to have, because she is a new recruit and this other guy has been with them five years, and is a personal friend of half the company. So Paks tells her story and...

"And tried to get me to bed him. And I said no, and he wouldn't let go, but went on—" She glanced at Stammel again . His expression did not change; her eyes dropped. "He said he was sure I wasn't a virgin, not with my looks, and that I must've bedded— someone— to be a file leader—"

Yeah. It's the aftermath of a rape scene. And apparently it's her word against his and--you probably guessed it--Korryn the asshole. And Stammal starts nodding and listening to her. Maybe not believing her, but listening. Then he asks her if she's had a lot of trouble with Korryn. She says yes, but that she kept her mouth shut because she thought she had to. Stammal responds thusly:

"You aren't supposed to act like a new wench in an alehouse , no. But no fighter should have to put up with that sort of thing from a companion. When you refuse, they're supposed to drop it; there's plenty enough that are willing. I wish I'd known; we'd have put a stop to that." He paused briefly. "Are you a sisli?"

"I— I don't know what that is. He— the corporal—asked me that too."
 "Like Barranyi and Natzlin in Kefer's unit. A woman who beds women. Are you?"
"No, sir. Not that I know of. Does it matter?"

 "Not really." Stammel shifted his weight again and sighed.

I kind of want to marry all of that.

Then Stammel notices that Paks can't stop puking--she's dry-heaved through this entire conversation--and asks her if it's because she's scared. No, it's because she got punched in the stomach multiple times, and everywhere else. He asks her to stand, she has a lot of trouble standing, and he realizes that the people full of bullshit probably aren't Paks. Stammel promises to get to the bottom of things, and apologizes for having to keep her in the cell overnight. He leaves, and the POV switches over to his. He is pissed off, and decides that everybody involved--witnesses, participants, he doesn't really care--needs to be isolated and under guard until he figures out what the fuck is going on.

So he interviews the guys who showed up when either Korryn and the other guy were done beating Paks, or Paks was done beating the other guy, and they compare stories and also realize something stinks:

"Come to think of it," Devlin interrupted, "most of that story came from Korryn, remember? Stephi hardly said a word— nodded when Korryn said 'isn't that right'— muttered a little, but that's all."

Then they pull the kid who went to get them out of the barracks and have a nice talk. The kid is one of Paks's friends, and he insists she wouldn't have done it. He wasn't there for the beating, but he did hear what the ranking officer said to Paks, and his story backs up hers. He's convinced, but he's got to talk the presiding captain into turning this investigation over to somebody else, or to at least let Paks out of the cell so she can get decent medical attention.

I think the thing that I like about this scene is that it's not being treated as a sexual thing. It's being treated as something that is fucking wrong, and everybody is giving Paks's word weight. It's not perfect--she's sitting down in a cell--but people are listening and trying to do the right thing. If there's one thing that kind of bugs me it is that violence against Paks is being used to develop the characters of the men around her, but it doesn't bug me enough to outweigh the "positive" aspects of how this is being handled. Because shit like this DOES happen, boys and girls, and far too frequently we shrug and look the other way. One thing about writing that I do believe is that it should be positive whenever possible. And I don't mean positive as in sunshine and roses. It should be positive as in this is how shit ought to be. I mean, compare this to the "Buyers Remorse" scene in Harlequin. In that shit-fest Anita and Edward are dismissing some unseen girl's accusations because they like Peter more than they do the girl. EVEN THOUGH HE RAPED MORE THAN ONE GIRL. Meanwhile we have Paks, who is getting a fair shake by a superior officer who likes one of her accusors more than he does her. BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT FUCKING THING TO DO. Somebody gave me the statistics on rape accusations, and you know what my dear male blog-readers? You are statistically EIGHTY THOUSAND TIMES more likely to be raped than you are to be falsely accused of rape. This shit is important and it's being treated as something important. And it's happening early enough in the book that it doesn't have to happen again. Moon is acknowledging that rape in the military happens, that the sexual pressure on female soldiers is enormous, and that this is how it needs to be handled--not ignored, not excused, fucking squashed-- when it would probably have been easier and less controversial for her to just ignore it and move on to the next part of the story. Instead? We're doing a rape scene that doesn't actually involve rape, just the reaction to it. And when it's done? We will NOT be revisiting this subject.

So Stammel is insisting on a full trial of Paks AND his friend, to a superior officer who has already made up his mind against Paks's story. And he keeps on insisting until the guy finally caves. Yep, he stuck his neck out there, not because he cares about Paks--she's a good soldier, but he was willing to hang her out to dry a few pages ago--but because it's the right fucking thing to do. The arrogant captian caves, and agrees to take evidence--ie, look at the injuries--the next day. The asshole won't let her go to the medical facilities, but he does allow a healer to go down and check on Paks, as long as nobody goes down there alone.

Stammel agrees to this, passes on the orders, and the chapter ends.

Chapter three opens with Paks getting dragged out of the cell. Dragged is literal--she's too stiff to walk very far, and has to be carried out to the evidence tribunal by her guards. The corporal and Korryn are just fine and dandy, thank you. They strip all three people and take a look at the damage. The boys have, basically, bruised hands and maybe a couple broken knuckles. Paks is pretty hurt, though, and doesn't react well to having her injuries listed:

Paks, listening to the list of her injuries, felt the descriptions as an echo of the blows that caused them. She was determined not to faint in front of everyone, but her knees loosened and her head drooped. The dark guard shook her arm. "Don't listen to that," he muttered. "Look up; count the mess hall windows. You can make it." Paks stared at the windows, trying to shut out the mayor's voice.

This also brings up another point: Rape isn't about actual penetration, and the emotional fallout can exist with or without it. We, like the court-appointed people, were not wittnesses to the attempted rape. The only people who know exactly what happened are Paks and the people who hurt her. Moon gave her that much privacy, something most authors just don't do. Instead, we get the story the way we usually get the story--through the repeated words of the victim. By removing the things we could be titilated by, Moon removes everything we could focus on, other than the crime itself. There's nothing sexy or sexual about this sequence. It's just fucking wrong. And then you've got this guy comforting Paks. I don't think he ever gets a name. Not only has he accepted her version of events without question, he's trying to help her as best he can. I can't say "This is something that few rape victims get", but it wasn't something that I got. Adding just that, that little detail, Moon is showing us that this is how it ought to be handled. Nobody is asking Paks what she did. Nobody is trying to imply that somehow this is justified. Instead, their first reaction is to help her. Help her get justice, which is important, but also help her get where she needs to go. Tell her "Don't listen" and give her a coping skill for when it gets overwhelmed.

And what the official witnesses say is just fucking beautiful:

"Captain Sejek , when one finds a woman beaten up like this, and two men only lightly marked, the usual interpretation is that the men assaulted the woman." The dark woman's voice was brusque, with an edge of sarcasm. "But she is in chains, so I suppose she's charged with assaulting them. On the evidence, without testimony, that's absurd.

Because the first thing we do to a rape victim is ask them what they did wrong.


(Answer: Nothing. They did nothing wrong.)

So yeah. I kind of want to marry all of this.

So then the soldiers give their testimony, and this happens:

"Did the woman say anything yesterday? Did you question her then?"

 "No. The other recruit did all the talking. She didn't argue. It seemed obvious."

Beaten to within an inch of your life, and you're still expected to talk in your own defense. Yep.

Stammel adds the stuff about talking to Paks in the cell later. Then they get Korryn's version of events--she attacked the corporal out of the blue after he asked her to bed him--and then they haul one of Korryn's friends up, and the guy panicks, tries to lie, and somehow manages to confess that he was posted as lookout while he tries to sew together a coherant story.

And then they go to question the corporal who started this whole thing...and he can't remember any of it. At all. And not in that "I don't remember so you can't touch me" kind of way. The guy was scared shitless that he couldn't remember anything before he found out that he had either beaten or been beaten by a girl, and now he's foaming at the mouth scared that he might really have hurt this girl.

And he thinks he did do it. And he's completely disgusted with himself.

"Sir— Captain— I cannot remember anything. But I'll tell you, sir , he must be lying. What we've seen and heard—" 
"You say that even if it condemns you?"

"Yes. Sir, it's obvious. That girl didn't beat me up—and honestly, sir, there's no way she could have." Stephi conveyed all the confidence of a senior veteran, sure of his own fighting ability.

And then Korryn the idiot screams that he did tell Stephi what happened, how could he not remember, and the entire scheme basically falls apart because these guys are dumbasses. Korryn attacks the guards, which, given that he's a new recruit and these are all guys trained in ass-kicking on a daily basis, is about as smart as trying to fight a shark with a toothpick. He gets his ass handed him by a girl. It's kind of great.


Stammel then suggests that it is entirely possible that Stephi might have been drugged, because something really weird is going on with all of this, and that they need to take the investigation someplace very, very private. The chapter ends.

The Deed of Paksenarrion--chapter 1-2

Chapter one opens with Paksnearrion, or Pakse, fighting with her dad. I'd say it's your standard teenage fight, except that Dad wants Pakse to marry a neighbor and she doesn't want to. Pakse decides to end the arguement by pulling her grandfather's sword off the fireplace and threatening her dad with it. Dad backs off, Pakse runs, and halfway down the path she jams her grandfather's sword into the dirt so that her Dad can't claim she stole the thing.

I like her.

Having dismissed getting married and/or spinning for the rest of her life, Pakse then does the next most logical thing she can: Joins the nearest mercenary company. NO. LITERALLY. THAT'S HER NEXT BEST OPTION.

There she saw the booth that Jornoth had told her to look for, draped in maroon and white silk, with spears for cornerposts. She paused to catch her breath and look at it. On either side, a man-at-arms with breastplate, helmet, and sword stood guard. Inside was a narrow table, with one stool before it , and a man seated behind. Paksenarrion took a deep breath and walked forward.

By the way? WE ARE ON PAGE THREE. THIS. IS HOW. YOU. ADVANCE. PLOT.

The guy is a bit taken back when she says she wants to sign on, but he gives her the rules--be of age, in good shape and don't be an idiot--and she figures she fits it well enough. This is, after all, why she ran away from home. The next set of questions shows that Pakse isn't stupid, either. She's been planning this for a while, and it's just a combination of bad timing re: the wedding and her own plans that it all fell out when her Dad gave her over to the local pig farmer. Finally, he finds out where she came from, realizes that she walked thirty miles on an empty stomach, and gives her paperwork to sign so she can get dinner.

One short summery later, she's in the courtyard with the other recruits, looking them over. No snark, no judgement, just "Hey, here are other people." She shortens her name to Paks, because her dad called her Pakse, and she's not comfortable being called that again.

Off they go on a march. It isn't until they make camp, and Paks and another dude go off to dig the camp latrines, that we get our first hint of conflict:

The man who'd fainted snickered appreciatively. "It took 'em long enough. I'd say they weren't just digging ditches."

Paks doesn't deck the idiot, but one of the other recruits says, basically, "Knock it off, we'll all have to dig". He also names fainter as Jens and another dude as Korryn. The chapter ends when Paks gets to the castle.

Next chapter, they get uniforms. The Korryn-is-a-shithead line is re-enforced when he cat-calls Paks as she walks across the yard in her tunic and not much else (It makes sense in context) and their mutual commanding officer calls him on his shit. Most of the rest of it is training details, worldbuilding and general misery--basic training isn't fun for anybody.

And then they give the newbies weapons and it's kind of pretty:

Siger glared at her. "Ha! Eager, are you? You innocents are all too willing to shed your blood. Very well— pick up the first one in line— yes— that one." Paks could not help grinning: a sword in her hand at last. She waggled it from side to side. "No!" roared Siger. "Don't play with it, fool! It's not a toy to show off with. A sword is to kill people with, nothing less."

I think that's one thing I love about this series. Paks is going to be a fucking bad-ass, but she sucks right now. She's never done it before. Fuck all that Harry Potter-natural flier super-seeker shit. We've got a main character who doesn't even know that the pointy end goes in the other guy.

It's great.

Korryn starts laughing at her the first time the trainer knocks her in the ribs. So the trainer decides that it's his turn.

Its not pretty. It's beautiful.

 "Ah-h. An expert, is it? You've handled a blade before?" Korryn nodded. "We'll see, then. You need not confine yourself to the hauk drill if you think you can do more." But Korryn began with the standard movements, holding his sword easily. "I'd say you were used to a longer blade, recruit," commented Siger. "Taught by a fencing master, weren't you? You like a thrust better than a slash. You handle that blade like you did most of your fighting in alleys. It won't do for us— you might as well forget it, recruit , and start learning it right." And with that Siger began a furious attack that forced Korryn back, and back, and back around the practice ring, taking blow after blow, until Korryn lost his grip and the sword flew out of his hand. Effa caught it in midair. "Now," said Siger, the point of his sword at Korryn's waist . "Is it quite as funny when it happens to you? Let's hear you laugh."

The thing I like best about this is that it's not a "my main character knows better than my side characters do!" because it's very, VERY clear that Paks can't even manage that much. This isn't about Korryn's skill, or Paks's skill. This is about Korryn being a dick, know-it-all and blowhard, and his trainer trying to knock him out of it. It's probably more satisfying than seeing the main character do better, because it's not about making Paks look good. From there, we segue into the number of ways newbie soldiers can hurt themselves with practice weapons, and it's a pretty long, decently funny summery of how This Is Not A Game.

And then one of the recruits gets REALLY hurt and we get our first hint of major plot:

"If there'd been a Marshal here—" began Effa. 
Devlin interrupted. "No. Don't say that. Not here. Not in this Company." 
Effa looked puzzled. "But I thought Phelan's Company recruited mostly Girdsmen— doesn't it?" 
"Once it did, but not now." 
"But when I joined, and said I was a yeoman, Stammel said it was good." 
"Sergeant Stammel, to you. Oh yes, we're glad to get Girdsmen— the more the better. But there'll be no Marshals here, and no grange or barton." 
"But why—?" 

"Effa, leave be." Arñe tapped her arm. "It's not our concern."

Religion is a big deal in this series--one of the reasons I picked it--and this is your first hint that something is probably off in the Company.

This moves into a conversation about gods, and the nature of gods, and how Gird was born human and thus couldn't have become a god, and how very little Paks cares about this.

Chapter two closes with Paks finally scoring a touch on her trainer during practice.

OH MY GOD I forgot how much I love this book. :D

Update on the CW

SO.

It took all week but I finally got all my healthcare stuff in order and FINALLY got in to get an assessment. It actually went really well--the getting in part--as I managed to get there early enough to get the midday slot and get assessed.

I now officially have Major Recurring Depression with a secondary diagnosis of PTSD. And everybody in my family said "NO SHIT MS. SHERLOCK" and then gave me many hugs.

This makes a whole lot of things make perfect sense. I am now waiting for my dr. appointment, which will be on Tuesday.

I wanted to do a positive book. One nonny mentioned Mists of Avalon. Well...a second read-through proved that I still don't have enough patience for MoA (I tried Nonny. Sorry). BUT! It reminded me of one of my other favorite books which I suddenly, desperately wanted to read. So instead I'm pulling Blog Owner status and I'm gonna do the Deed of Paksenarrion. In nice, large chunks, because I remember this book being kick-ass awesome. It also has a lot of the same religious overtones.

We will start that Friday night.

For tonight I'm going to burn nice incense, drink a glass of wine, eat homemade bread and go to bed. Today was stressful as fuck and right now sleep is all I wanna do.

P.S. Next starbleached book is still coming along rather well. Hopefully it'll go better once I have meds in my system and I don't want to just sit with the covers over my head anymore.

Update on the CW

This whole "Getting help for depression when you have no money and no health insurance" thing is really, REALLY fucking complicated. And stressful. And not done yet because even though I got to the place at eight AM they were completely booked by the time we got my paperwork done.

It probably did not help that I started panic-sobbing when we hit our first hitch (I have a relative that works at the office, which is how I knew where it was and that I might qualify. This would normally mean I'd have to go to a different town for services, which I couldn't do because no transportation or time) and then almost passed out when the intake lady showed me the pay scale that meant I'd qualify for free services. So the good news is I can get help....just as soon as I make it to the office in time to get a free slot for a walk-in appointment.

But it is FUCKING HARD to get help, guys. Especially if you don't have a lot of free income. I am now overstressed and will go spin yarn while watching a movie to unwind. Further updates and book things will be posted once I no longer want to curl up in a corner and cry.

State of the CW

Alright. Updates on things.

First off, everything right now is in a holding pattern. The last couple months have been kind of bad for me emotionally. The last two weeks I have been BARELY able to function, and this last week has been pure, unadulterated, unfiltered hell. That's the bad news. The GOOD news is I will be applying for a sort of financial assistance...thing on Monday, which will include an official screening and diagnosis of some kind, and will probably end with me getting an antidepressant again.

I hate doing this, but it needs to be done. Badly.

Book things: We're working on it. I have no release date for anything. That said, the next Starbleached book is coming along VERY well, all other things considered, and we should hit the halfway point on the first section sometime today. I'm going to push as hard as I can this weekend, see where we're at come monday.

I am tentatively announcing another fundraiser. No set date, no set anything else, but I want ya'll to be aware of it kind of as a warmup.

I've also got a few short stories that are sitting on my bricked computer. I'll be taking the harddrive out and pulling everything off it later today so I can at least work with that stuff.

In short: We're doing good. Not great, but good.

I love you guys so much, and if there's a book you want to read, buy it this weekend and read it. Even if it's not one of mine.

OH and I FORGOT: We finished Harlequin, I do NOT want to do another Anita Blake book for a while, so SUGGESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS ARE QUITE WELCOME.