Seth Tucker's Blog, page 16

Book Review: Rushed (Rushed#1)

Book: Rushed (Rushed #1)

Author: Brian Harmon

The best way that I can describe this book is that Stephen King and HP Lovecraft collaborated on the Wizard of Oz. The main protagonist in our story is merely following a recurring dream that he has. As he traverses the path, he finds that he is jumping in and out of our world and traveling great distances through the “fissure.” On his quest to find the cathedral, he encounters a “foggy man” who is leaving monsters and traps in his path in order to beat him to the prize at the end of the journey. I loved his relationship with his wife; while they did keep it light, I feel that the author had them in this joking relationship, where the humor was used to keep both characters from breaking under stress. I can understand where some people might find that annoying, but for me, it made them a better couple who were both playing along to help the other one cope.

Decision: One of my favorite books that I’ve read this year, I would recommend this book to anyone who likes weird fiction in the vein of HP Lovecraft or Stephen King’s Dark Tower series.

Click below to purchase the book.

Filed under: Book Review Tagged: action, book, dark fantasy, ebook, free, horror, hp lovecraft, kindle, review, stephen king, strange, warp, weird

Films to remember Roddy Piper by

As I’m sure most of you know, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper passed away on July 31. While most people are aware of his reputation inside the ring, I encourage you to check out his endeavors in film.

First, I would have to insist that you check out John Carpenter’s They Live. A wonderful film about creatures hidden in plain sight, and their methods of controlling the human race. It also happens to feature the longest streetfight scene in movie history. Here’s the trailer:



Second, I am a huge fan of Hell Comes to Frogtown. It is a low-budget post-apocalyptic film with Roddy Piper as Sam Hell, a man that has to go save a group of women from the frogs. This film is still a fun watch. Check out the trailer below.

Recently, Roddy had been working on a film where he fought C’Thulhu.  I know they finished the short film, but I don’t know about the feature.  Either way, it is sure to be a good experience.  Farewell “Rowdy” Roddy Piper.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: action, adventure, celebrity, death, frogtown, hell, john carpenter, mad max, post-apacolyptic, Post-apocalyptic, RIP, roddy piper, scifi, they live

Book Review: The Jill Kismet Omnibus

Book: The Jill Kismet Omnibus

Author: Lilith Saintcrow

The Jill Kismet series is a fun urban fantasy read. Found in the snow by a hunter, Jill is trained how to combat the denizens of hell, Hellbreed, and those that trade with them. I have previously read some of the Anita Blake books and the Dresden Files, so this series is not a re-invention of the wheel, but it is a good read with fun characters. Even though it does not deal with the typical monsters found in urban fantasy, I think most people will be able to get into the book. The only common element are the “weres” of every variety that work cooperatively with the hunters. Before the events of the series, Jill had made a deal with the chief Hellbreed of Santa Luz, Perry.  A deal to make her more than human but also keep the big bad in her life. The first five books in this series are really good, and the last book is also good, but feels very different than the others. It seems that it was written just to provide a better ending than the fifth book would have.

Decision: If you are a fan of urban fantasy, the Jill Kismet series is for you. There are six novels in this collection.

Click below to purchase the book.

Filed under: Book Review Tagged: adventure, amazon, book, book review, fantasy, Jill Kismet, Lilith Saintcrow, omnibus, review, urban fantasy

Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie in the Case of the Headless Lawnmower Man

As I promised on facebook last week, the dynamic detecting duo have returned.  So it is with great pleasure that I bring to you:

Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie

in

The Case of the Headless Lawnmower Man

Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie sat in their office, facing each other. Things had been quiet since the massive monster brawl that had occupied their time in October. The day was bright and beautiful outside with birds chirping happily. “Is it me or have things been kind of quiet?” Lollipop asked, shifting the stick of the ever-present sucker in her mouth.

The hulking behemoth across from her just shrugged, as he ran the wet stone over the blade of his flip-out battleaxe. “Too hot.” Pecan Sandie commented.

“Yeah, it is.” Lollipop agreed, lowering her hat over her eyes and propping her feet up. “I’m going to take a nap.”

Before the detective could get comfortable, hurried footsteps in the hallway drew their attention. Someone stopped outside their door and knocked. The duo shared a questioning look and then straightened up, making themselves look professional, or as professional as someone can look while sucking on a sugary confection or being a giant in a t-shirt. “Yes?” Lollipop called.

A very generic looking man entered. He was wearing a sweater vest over a polo shirt with khaki shorts and a pair of white canvas Keds. “How can we help you?” Pecan growled.

“Are you the detectives?” The man asked.

They nodded.

“Fantastic.” He replied. “I’m John Smith.”

“Suiting.” Lollipop stated, a perfectly normal, boring, generic name for a perfectly normal, boring, generic man.

“My neighbors and I have been having a problem. We called the police, but they said it was outside of their expertise. The chief told me to see if it might be more within your scope.” John Smith offered.

Police Chief Alyssandra Mendez was a close friend of the detectives and had called them in on several strange cases over the years. A recommendation from her always peaked the detectives’ collective interests. Leaning forward in his chair, Pecan towered over John Smith. “What’s the problem?” He asked their client.

John Smith seemed to shrink back from the rough looking character. “Don’t worry sir, Pecan Sandie is perfectly professional. We need to know what’s going on so we can help?” Lollipop Jones stated, trying to calm the man.

John Smith smiled, but still seemed incredibly nervous under the watchful eyes of the detectives. “It all started back in the 1950’s.” John Smith began. “I live in the Fancy Hills Country Club community.”

The detectives nodded, they suspected as much from the way John Smith looked and talked. Fancy Hills was the area where the wealthiest citizens of the city lived. If they had made a complaint, the police chief would have personally gone to see about it. “Back then, there was a gardner by the name of Maximilian Ludvisk. He was a German immigrant and an amazing engineer. As the sole caretaker for the community and golf course, he had a great deal of work. By all accounts, he was incredibly happy with his work, but felt he could be much more efficient.” Smith continued.

“He created his very own riding lawnmower, I’ve heard stories that it was better built than anything available for sale at the time. It seems that at dusk one night, he was cutting some of the residential yards when there was a mishap.” Their client paused and was happy to leave the story there.

“You should probably finish the story, so that we know what we’re dealing with.” Lollipop stated as she dropped the empty sucker stick into the garbage can and procured another from the drawer of her desk.

“Ah, yes.” John Smith replied as he continued. “According to the police report from the time, an empty clothesline had shifted down the pole and in the dim light Maximilian could not see it. The lady of that house saw the entire incident from the window in the kitchen. The line caught the poor man and with the power in the engine of his creation, it was a perfect combination to separate his head from his body.”

“Wow, you don’t hear about that too often.” Lollipop commented.

“What’s this have to do with your trouble?” Pecan asked.

“Well you see, there had never been anything more than rumors before, occasionally someone’s lawn would be cut differently, but now things are getting much worse and its been dangerous.” John Smith told them, as if his words had explained everything.

“What?” Pecan asked, raising his eyebrow in confusion.

“Why are things getting more dangerous?” Lollipop asked.

“He’s back.” John Smith said. “Maximilian Ludvisk and his deathmower are terrorizing our community.” An ominous peal of thunder echoed in the distance as lighting crashed, rattling the windows. Naw, I’m just kidding, it was like a super nice day outside (see the third sentence up there), but you know, I felt it added ambiance. Sorry, I’ll just rebuild that fourth wall.

“So Max and his lawn mower are what?” Lollipop asked. “I mean he was a gardener right? So is he attacking the new landscapers?”

“No.” John Smith stated. “At night, you can hear him riding up and down the neighborhood. My neighbor was almost run down while walking his poodle. If something isn’t done soon, he might kill someone.”

“Did he intentionally aim for your neighbor?” Pecan asked, crunching pecans in his hand and picking out the nut to much on.

“He came straight at him and never tried to turn. Poor Mr. Snuffles still has problems leaving the house. Have you ever seen an agoraphobic poodle? It’s tragic.” John Smith explained.

The only way to cheer up an agoraphobic poodle

Pecan and Lollipop chuckled. Neither of them had ever seen an agoraphobic poodle, but they thought it would be hilarious. “Okay. This does sound like a case for us.” Lollipop said, regaining her composure. “What time does Max normally show up?”

“Around ten.” John Smith replied.

“Why didn’t your neighbor make the report?” Pecan asked.

“I’m the president of the home owner’s association. We thought it might be better if I made the report.” He informed them.

“We’ll be there tonight around nine thirty, so let the guard know to let us in.” Lollipop stated.

“Thank you.” John Smith said standing.

As the door shut behind him, the duo looked at each other. “Rich people are weird.” Pecan commented.

“Yeah.” Lollipop agreed. “Did you think he was holding something back?”

“Yeah.” Pecan replied. “You know Bill Murray became an expert gardener while working on Caddyshack.”

“No, Pecan. I did not.” Lollipop sighed, pinching the arch of her nose. Her partner’s fascination with the actor was that of a zealot. Still, she knew better than to call him out on the veracity of his statements.

“He was able to produce a hybrid of grass that the golf course still uses. They say it is the greatest grass that anyone can ever play on. Bill Murray has secretly been sharing the technique with golf courses around the world to avoid litigation.” Pecan finished his fun fact with a grin.

“Good to know.” Lollipop replied. “Let’s get lunch.”

The Fancy Hills Country Club was a rolling expanse of beautifully manicured lawns and perfectly designed houses centering around the large facility that was the country club proper. It had horses, polo fields, Olympic-sized training facilities and one of the top rated golf courses in the country. Needless to say that Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones had never been anywhere close to the facility before. Lollipop parked her large, monster-wheeled, truck by the sidewalk and climbed down. Pecan just dropped from the cab and landed on the sidewalk with a solid impact.

The uniformed security guard from the gatehouse stepped out. “You can’t park that there.” He informed them.

Pecan growled at the man. The glint of metal from Pecan’s back, made the guard jumpy. Nervously, the man pulled his sidearm. Lollipop realized that the situation was getting bad very quickly. As a trained member of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, a warrior sect of nuns, Lollipop crossed the distance to the man quickly. Placing one hand on the slide of the weapon, keeping it from firing, she gave a quick tap to the guard’s neck. His entire body went rigid. “I know you can’t move.” Lollipop told the man. “I’m going to take this gun out of your hands and put it back into your holster. We are expected here. Mr. John Smith said that he would be telling you to expect us.”

Pecan Sandie lifted the man and carried him back to the gatehouse. Lifting his clipboard from a peg on the wall, Lollipop scanned the name. “See, we’re right here. Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie.” She announced, pointing at their names on the list. “We’ll just go on up. We’re expected.”

Pushing open the gates, the duo took in the expensive looking facades of the houses. Pecan let out a low whistle. A golf cart was coming down to meet them. It was John Smith. “Glad to see you made it.” He greeted them. “I’ll take you up to the area with the most problems.”

Lollipop climbed in beside him as Pecan sat on the rear. The small motor groaned at the additional weight. “Do you always have those?” John Smith asked, pointing to the sucker in Lollipop’s cheek.

“Not when I sleep.” She replied.

“Right.” John Smith said as they stopped in front of a cul de sac.

Pecan stepped off of the cart, causing the vehicle to jump at the absence of weight. “What makes this place so special?” Lollipop asked.

“This is the section of the neighborhood where he had his accident.” Their client informed them.

“Good place to haunt.” Pecan stated. “Very nice.”

“Yes, well thank you, but we’d really appreciate it if you could stop him.” John Smith reminded them.

“We’ll do everything that we can.” Lollipop stated.

Climbing back onto his golf cart, the President of the Fancy Hills Country Club Home Owner’s Association drove away to his comfortable house. The detectives stood in the middle of the street for a moment. “How do you stop a ghost?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan shrugged. “Not like an imaginary fiend.” Pecan grumbled.

“We can try our normal method first.” Lollipop offered.

“Works for me.” Pecan agreed.

The duo walked the street, waiting for an appearance of the ghostly gardener. Behind one of the houses, they heard a small choke, like an engine starting. It was followed by the steady hum of a lawn mower engine. Rushing towards the sound, they saw a spectral figure running over the grass. An old contraption that had not been seen for several decades rolled easily over the green of the lawns. It was much different than modern riding mowers, this one had a large round wheel of blades in the front rather than under the body. Sitting at the controls, dressed in coveralls was a headless man. “I need to get over the blades.” Lollipop informed her partner.

It was like this

mixed with this.

Cupping his hands together, Pecan nodded at the small detective. Running, Lollipop placed her foot into Pecan’s improvised launch pad. Throwing her into the air, Pecan watched as she soared in an arc towards the target. Lollipop’s trench coat flapped about her like brown wings. Preparing the ultimate attack of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, the Uber-Death Punch, she waited until she was on top of her opponent. Her fist struck out, passing through the ghostly man. The blow would have atomized the bones of a normal human, but the ghost did not have any reaction to the strike.

Baffled, the detective looked to her partner. Pecan had the handle of his axe in his hand. With a flick of his wrist, the weapon extended to its full length. Striking at the mower, his axe head wedged in between some of the blades. The driver turned off the engine of the lawnmower and pantomimed scratching his head, only their was no head for him to scratch. He stepped off of the vehicle and both disappeared. “Did I do it?” Pecan asked.

“Maybe.” Lollipop answered. “Keep in mind I’ve never fought a ghost before either.”

From another yard, the lawnmower revved to life. “Guess not.” Pecan stated.

For the rest of the night, the duo watched the headless lawnmower man. He was not doing anything other than cutting the lawns. The detectives were puzzled. All the information that they had been given seemed to indicate that the ectoplasmic being was dangerous, but this looked like he was still on the job. “Weird.” Lollipop stated.

“We need to talk to some people.” Pecan stated, putting his axe up and cracking his knuckles.

Dawn broke on a lovely morning, with dew over the fresh cut grass. People were stepping out onto their freshly mowed lawns. It seemed that the neighborhood was filled with the people you would expect. There was Overweight Bald Man, Old Lady with Too Much Makeup, Trophy Wife and Mid-Life Crisis Guy, all watching the detectives. Rounding out the group was John Smith, riding in on his golf cart. “How’d it go?” He asked, stepping from the tiny vehicle.

“Well, we didn’t get rid of Max.” Lollipop replied honestly.

“All he did was cut the grass.” Pecan stated. “He isn’t dangerous.”

“He almost killed me and Mr. Fluffles.” Protested Old Lady with Too Much Makeup.

“The guy doesn’t have a head.” Lollipop retorted. “What do you expect?”

“Oh yeah, well he butchers my rose bushes, all the time.” Overweight Bald Man insisted.

“And that’s dangerous?” Pecan asked.

“If we have improper yards, we’ll lose our status amongst Rich People Neighborhoods Digest. Currently, we’re ranked number two, but we might drop if this keeps up.

“Look, you people suck, but I might have a solution.” Pecan stated. “We’ll go back to our office and be back tonight.”

Back at their office, Pecan Sandie sat down at his desk. The items that they had purchased on the way laid out before him. Picking up a paring knife, he began to slowly carve the butternut squash gourd before him. “What are you doing?” Lollipop asked.

“He needs a head.” Pecan replied.

“Wouldn’t a pumpkin be more appropriate?” Lollipop asked (clearly a stickler for Irving).

“You see any pumpkins?” Pecan asked. “They come into season much later, what we’ve got is butternut squash.”

With a few deft flicks of his hand, Pecan had carved a happy face onto the gourd. Opening a Mr. Spud Head figure, the large man took pink plastic ears and stuck them in at the appropriate places. “All right.” He informed his partner. “We’re ready.”

Armed with the gourd, Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones waited. This time when they rushed towards the lawnmower sounds, they had a plan. Stepping in front of the on-rushing spectral vehicle, Pecan hurled the gourd at the ghost. It hit the neck and stuck. Amazed the duo watched as the carved eyes blinked and squinted. Taking a pair of glasses from his pocket, Maximilian Ludvisk placed them on his new head, resting the arms against his plastic ears and waved at the detectives. Waving back, they stepped aside so that he could continue his job.

The next morning, as the neighbors came out, they marveled at how good their lawns looked. Even John Smith was impressed. “He did a really good job.” The President commented. “What did you do?”

“Gave him a head.” Pecan commented.  “Where’s the grass on your golf course come from?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.”  John Smith replied.

But we all know.

Satisfied that they had done a good job, and even more satisfied that they had overcharged the rich neighborhood, the detectives went off to see what other adventures might await them.

Still in Fancy Hills Country Club community, on moonless nights, you can still hear Maximilian Ludvisk run over that guy’s rose bushes.

THE END

Hope you enjoyed.  Continue checking back to see what other adventures these two will get into, or just follow my own misadventures.

Filed under: Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie Tagged: awesome, bill murray, detective, funny, headless, lawnmower, Lollipop Jones, Pecan Sandie, silly, story

To Welcome Our Latest Viewers

Timegate was this weekend and we had a fantastic time getting to meet lots of great new people.  To welcome those of you new to my site, I am offering a free kindle e-short.  For those of you that may not have attended Timegate, it is a Doctor Who (and British Scifi) convention.  I do not write Doctor Who, but I do have a Victorian Occult Investigator, Richard Rex.  For all of Tuesday (May 26th) click on the image below and collect your free kindle short: Richard Rex & the Succubus of Whitechapel.

I hope all you Timegaters (the convention goers, not alligators of time) enjoy the story, as well as any other readers that pick up a copy.  If you do, please leave a review on amazon, goodreads, or any other book review site.  Thanks for reading and keep checking back to see what I’m working on.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: adventure, amazon, author, awesome, book, england, fiction, free, free ebook, free kindle, ripper, steampunk, succubus, timegate, Timegate2015, victorian, Whitechapel, writer, writing

A Day Among the Dead

Recently, I spent a Saturday afternoon in Oakland Cemetery, located in Atlanta. Not just because I’m weird and morbid, shut up! I’m basing a decent section of an upcoming novel in Oakland. So this counts as research. Also you should try visiting the necropolis in the heart of the metropolis.

This is your greeter.

Oakland Cemetery is the oldest cemetery in Atlanta and is the home of Margaret Mitchell, former mayors, governors, and senators. The six acres that were set aside in 1850 for the Atlanta Cemetery have indeed blossomed. Not only is it a large plot of land, some of the monuments and tombstones are absolutely beautiful. A lot of amazing architecture can be found within the brick walls. While strolling through the grounds, one will also find landscaping that is not traditional for a cemetery.  For Doctor Who fans believe you will find plenty of reason to not Blink.

Architecture

Another reason that I visited Oakland is that I like cemeteries. The Ancient Egyptians believed that in order to have an afterlife your name had to be remembered. So they built great monuments to themselves. In some cases, they scratched out names and put their names over their predecessors. The first great female Pharaoh Hatsheput’s proceeding pharaohs tried to remove her name from all the great monuments that she erected, thus ensuring she would not receive an afterlife. So by visiting and reading these names, we remember those who we would have never known otherwise.

Our monuments are not quite as grand as the Egyptians.

Finally, as a closing statement let me add that burying the dead and providing a marker for a body is the last dignity that we show to a person. It is a sign that someone cared and respected a person enough to want them remembered. By reading these monuments, I am continuing that show of respect. So yes, I’m weird and morbid, but don’t the dead deserve a little respect for they have solved the mystery that we have yet to face.

Me totally not looking for vampires or zombies

Thanks for reading and keep checking back to find out what I’m currently working on.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: Atlanta, author, cemetery, goth, gothi, gothic, horror, monument, necropolis, Oakland, statues, tombstone, vampire, writer, writing, zombie

So what do you think?

We’ve all heard the comparison between opinions and bodily orifices. While it is true everyone has both, I would like to talk to you about your opinion, for the other please see a medical professional. As an independent author, your opinions mean a great deal to me. What did you like? What didn’t you like? Your general thoughts on the book are very valuable. I would ask that you take the time to share these thoughts on Amazon, goodreads, or any other social reading group that you may be a member of.

I ask this, because reviews (aka opinions) help other readers determine if they might enjoy a book or not. Even a less than stellar review can assist people in making their choices. If I’m sitting the fence about a book, I’ll generally read some of the reviews and then make a decision. Plus, your reviews let me know what you thought of the book. I can’t say every author reads the reviews, but I do and I know several other authors that do as well.

Getting genuine feedback is important, if you didn’t enjoy the book, why? This information can help to forge a better writer. I won’t lie either, the more reviews a book has the higher the visibility of that book on certain websites. If you’ve read my books, please leave a review. If you have no intention of reading my books, but you’ve read a book recently leave a review. Opinions, while everyone may have them, yours is unique to you and can provide feedback and insight that an author needs.

Thanks for reading and keep checking back to see what I’m up to.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: amazon, author, book, goodreads, guide, help, opinion, read, review, writer, writing

Werewolves: the Army’s next superweapon

In Friedkin’s Curse: A Werewolf Tale of Terror part of the story comes from the military trying to capture the legendary creature to experiment on it for weapons purpose. The government weaponizing a creature like this might seem far-fetched, but when you consider that the first applications looked at for any new technology are military it makes a certain amount of sense. Don’t believe me? Remember when we learned to split the atom and the first thing we did was power cities with the energy . . . oh wait, I mean we levelled an entire city with it. Most modern advancements in technology have come through military developments or were first engineered for military purposes.

So why wouldn’t they do the same with supernatural opportunities? This is some of the thoughts that went into crafting the military experience that is part of Friedkin’s Curse and more explored in Friedkin’s Legacy (working title), the next book in the Friedkin’s Horror series. Larry Correia has some similar ideas about the government’s harvesting of supernatural weapons (explored in both his Monster Hunter International and Grimnoir Chronicles). I recently had the pleasure of serving on a panel with Kimberly Richardson (the Goth Librarian), she stated that we shared a favorite werewolf film: Dog Soldiers, which pits soldiers against werewolves when a capture operation goes wrong. There is also Project: Metalbeast, a direct-to-video classic from the 90s, which has a genetically altered werewolf super-soldier wreaking havoc in a bunker. The military industrial complex isn’t the only government office to get into the werewolf enhancement department, Full Eclipse is a film where a special Los Angeles Police Squad is augmented using werewolf serum to combat crime.

All of these are great examples of the government “investigating” new and experimental procedures to help further the combat effectiveness of new creatures. I’ve provided a list of these works below, so just click on the pictures if you are interested. Next time the moon is full and you hear howling and sirens, just tell yourself that they are unrelated.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: adventure, army, author, book, detective, dog soldiers, ebook, fantasy, fiction, goth librarian, guns, horror, hunter, independent, kindle, metalbeast, monster, myth, science fiction, scifi, weird, werewolf, writer, writing

A Ghost Story as promised

Below is the Ghost Story that I told as part of the Ghost Story panel at Connooga 2015. The audience member before me, told a very emotional and dark story of one of his encounters. Because of this, I adjusted my telling of this story. Anyone, who has ever heard me tell this tale, knows that I normally emphasize the darker nature of it. Given the somber mood of the room, I wanted to lighten it up and rev the audience back up. So I decided to emphasize the humor in it. I'll go ahead and apologize for the less than fantastic audio quality, but you should be able to hear everything just fine. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYTAud...

A Ghost Story as promised

Below is the Ghost Story that I told as part of the Ghost Story panel at Connooga 2015.  The audience member before me, told a very emotional and dark story of one of his encounters.  Because of this, I adjusted my telling of this story.  Anyone, who has ever heard me tell this tale, knows that I normally emphasize the darker nature of it.  Given the somber mood of the room, I wanted to lighten it up and rev the audience back up.  So I decided to emphasize the humor in it.  I’ll go ahead and apologize for the less than fantastic audio quality, but you should be able to hear everything just fine.  Enjoy!

 

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: Connooga, dog, dragoncon, free, ghost, ghost story, haunting, horror, hound, monster, myth, panel, story, weird, writer, writing