Susan Mac Nicol's Blog, page 16

DSP Publications Presents: Genre Talk and a Giveaway with Carole Cummings and Andrew Q. Gordon

Source: DSP Publications Presents: Genre Talk and a Giveaway with Carole Cummings and Andrew Q. Gordon

Andrew Gordon is a good mate of mine, a great writer and he’s with Carole talking about the fantasy genre. Magic, myths and mayhem. I’m sure you’ll find this rather interesting so pop down to The Novel Approach website and take a look.

 

New GLBT Releases: Friday, Mar 4th

Source: New GLBT Releases: Friday, Mar 4th

The wonderful website of GGR-Review and Scott Burkett compile the best list of daily GLBT releases for your reading pleasure. Take a look at the list and see if there’s anything you fancy. I know I’ll be one-clicking.

Blog Tour – Jo Tannah – The Way You Look Tonight

Synopsis

As a member of a wealthy and influential family, Jaime “Jamie” Abello had his life mapped out. Being shipped off to LA with an insurance scam linked to his name was not part of his plan.

It had seemed so simple: pass the Philippines Medical Board Exam;practice in the family-owned and -controlled hospital; join the Board by age forty; and find a partner with whom he could settle down and be himself.

Instead, his father supplies him with a surfeit of money and dangerous secrets and sends him to a strange country.

The Pediatric Residency Program Jamie applies for brings him face to face with untouchable Program Director, Miles Kwon, whom Jamie soon finds to be a man of integrity and vision.

When tragedy strikes, Jamie finds himself falling deeper into depression. Unexpectedly, it’s Miles who helps him work through his pain.

Will Jamie ever experience a life with a loving partner, or will his father’s secrets cause him to lose everything he’s gained?

Buy Links

Don’t miss the 30% off sale everywhere for the first 48 hours after release and the the Valentine’s Day Sale (February 11-17) 50% off on WIP’s website and 40% off on ARe!

Wayward Ink Publishing

Amazon US

Amazon UK

Amazon AU

Amazon DE

ARe

Excerpt

Back in Manila, I had been vomiting into the pail my private nurse was holding up for me when my father entered the room, accompanied by Letty. He rushed the nurse out the door while Letty took over pail duty.

“Jamie, you are leaving for LA once we get you out of here. Dr. Martinez has been instructed to clear you to be released from the hospital.” My father was succinct.

“Wha… why?” I tried to speak, but emesis got in the way.

“Margarita. She has finally gone off the deep end. She and your brothers are meeting with the board. I sent in my resignation last night and they only just got the email. I am leaving for Morocco in two hours, and you are flying out as soon as Dr. Martinez gives you something to put a stop to your vomiting. Letty has sent all the details to your alternate email account.”

I tried to sit up, confused about what was going on, but Letty pressed me back onto the bed. I squinted up at her, and then at my father. “What’s going on?”

“Everything is in the email I sent you. Don’t think about anything else right now, just focus on getting well enough to stand without falling on your face. You need to take that flight. It’s going to be a long one and you’ll need your energy to get things moving,” Letty said.

“Call me once you get to LA. I will send you an email with my new contact numbers.” My father sighed and ran his hand over his face. “I won’t see you for a long time, hijo, but you need to get out as quickly as you can. It’s best you don’t know anything until you get there. Letty will get in touch with you as soon as you’re settled in the hotel. Remember: get to LA and follow the instructions. Once you’re done, call me. That’s all you need to know for now.”

My father leaned down to kiss my head, but wrinkled his nose and shook my hand instead. He turned to leave, then hesitated. Returning to my side, he closed his mouth, as if not daring to breathe in, and then bent to hug me. “I love you, hijo. I wish I could explain more but there’s so little time. I’ll see you on the other side,” he said as he patted my back. Then he turned away, avoiding my eyes, and left the room.

Video Trailer –The Way You Look Tonight

About the author

JO TANNAH is a wife, mother, and blogger by day, writer by night. It can be difficult to say the least but it is a challenge that keeps her on her toes.

She grew up listening to folktales her father and nannies spun to either entertain the children or send home a message. These narratives stayed with Jo until she finally decided to write them down in a journal way back when she kept one. Years later, going through junk led to finding a long forgotten box and nestled within it was the journal. Reading over the stories of romance, science fiction, and horror that she had taken time to put to paper all those years before brought to light the realization that they were tales she’d never come across in her readings.

The tales Jo write are fictional but all of them are based on what she grew up with and still dreams about. That they have an M/M twist is simply for her pleasure. And she hopes, yours as well.

Jo Tannah can be found at:

Website

Facebook

Twitter

This book tour is hosted by

 

Release Blitz – Flying Solo

 

 

Title: Flying Solo

Series: Men of London #6



Author: Susan Mac Nicol

Publisher: Boroughs Publishing Group

Genre: M/M Romance

Release

Date: January 28, 2016

 

Blurb

Flight attendant Maxwell Lewis has spent years cultivating a bon vivant image only to find he finally wants something more—and that something more includes the never-does-repeats game designer Gibson Henry.

ABOVE AND BEYOND

Maxwell Lewis is proud of the life he’s made. Having turned tragedy into triumph, he’s now a beloved member of a Target Airlines cabin crew with more than his fair share of attention both in the air and on the ground. But lately he’s wanted something more than the occasional hook-up or sometime sex buddy—particularly after meeting game designer and passenger Gibson Henry.

Talented and driven, Gibson has built a company ready to be the next big thing in gaming. Devoted to his work, he takes onetime pleasures where he finds them and never does repeats…which is what he tells handsome, sexy Maxwell Lewis after a little mile-high flight attendance. But a chance encounter in a London club is about to change things forever. Two men, one who’s flown solo and another who’s only ever played alone, are about to find that at some point all games come to end, it’s time to bare your heart and try for love.

ADD TO GOODREADS  

 

 

 

Purchase Links

AMAZON US / UK

B&N / KOBO / iBOOKS 


SMASHWORDS
BOROUGHS PUBLISHING GROUP









Trailer





Also Available



AMAZON US / UK
B&N / KOBO / iBOOKS
SMASHWORDS / CREATESPACE
BOROUGHS PUBLISHING GROUP
ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS




AMAZON US / UK
B&N / KOBO / iBOOKS
SMASHWORDS / CREATESPACE
BOROUGHS PUBLISHING GROUP
ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS




AMAZON US / UK
B&N / KOBO / iBOOKS
SMASHWORDS / CREATESPACE
BOROUGHS PUBLISHING GROUP
ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS




AMAZON US / UK
B&N / KOBO / iBOOKS
SMASHWORDS / CREATESPACE
BOROUGHS PUBLISHING GROUP
ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS





AMAZON US / UK
B&N / KOBO / iBOOKS 


SMASHWORDS / CREATESPACE
BOROUGHS PUBLISHING GROUP
ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS



Excerpt

 

“You got some time off from flying then?” Gibson cocked his head with a knowing grin, probably having seen the direction of Maxwell’s eyes.“I have a whole three days off before my next shift. I heard about this place opening, decided to check it out. It’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, lots of new talent.” Gibson gave a noisy slurp of his drink then peered at Maxwell over his glasses. Maxwell’s stomach clenched in appreciation.

“I don’t normally do this, but do you fancy a repeat? There’s a bathroom on the left we can slip into.”

Maxwell drew in a deep breath. He was so going to regret this, he knew it. He had to take a stand somewhere though in his search for everlasting love.

“Thanks but no. You’re not the kind of guy to get involved, or so you said when you blew me off last time, so it wouldn’t solve any purpose except for a quick bit of pleasure. I wasn’t really in the mood for this tonight but I promised a friend.” He drank up what was left of his cocktail and put the empty glass on the bar.

Gibson looked shame faced. “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been such a git. I wanted to apologise to you on the plane afterwards but then things ran away with me and I got distracted.”

Maxwell was heartened by the apology. That took balls. “No problem. I understand. I’m at a bit of different path in my life. I’m tired of the fuck’em and suck ‘em. I want someone to come home to. Maybe it’s a stupid pipe dream but I have to start trying to find someone somewhere, right?”

He smiled at Gibson who stared back at him with a strange expression.

I bet he isn’t used to being turned down. Maybe I’m being an idiot.

Maxwell wondered if his new-found principles were worth it. He might have to reconsider.

Someone shoved against Gibson, causing his drink to go flying all over the back of another man standing at the bar. A very big man in a shiny dress suit, flashy jewellery and what looked like a permanent scowl etched on his wide face. He turned around and grabbed Gibson’s wrist, causing him to cry out softly in pain.

“What the fuck? You’ve messed up my suit,” Shiny Suit growled.

Gibson tried to wrench his wrist free. “Hey, you ape, let go of me. I’m sorry, it was an accident. Someone knocked me.”

“Yeah? Fucking twinks. You think all you have to do is bat your girly eyelashes and a man will forgive you anything. I ought to-”

“Let him the fuck go,” Maxwell said evenly. His blood was heating up like lava in Pompeii at seeing Gibson being manhandled. His temper was slow to burn but when it did – oh boy. Maxwell was quick to go from slow denotation to supernova I’m going to fuck you up so badly status. He controlled it – mostly. When he’d been on the streets, it had taken all his self-control not to become an animal like some of his friends had. And sometimes an animal had been what you needed to be to get by.

“What did you say to me?” Shiny Suit’s lips twisted. “Punk, you think you can take me on?” He let go of Gibson’s wrist, who stood rubbing it with a worried expression.

“Max, leave him. He’s not worth it. He’s a douche bag in a suit. Let’s get out of here-” Gibson’s voice was cut off as the other man reached out and slapped him on the cheek, the flat sound echoing in Maxwell’s ears like the knell of doom. Behind the bar, Dan motioned to the bouncers across the room to come over.

The rushing blood in Maxwell’s ears grew to rock concert crescendo and he moved forward in front of Shiny Suit, standing between him and Gibson. At the sight of a red handprint on Gibson’s fair skin, and the look of shock on his face, Maxwell now wanted to hit someone. He took a deep, centred breath to calm himself down. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Gibson away.

“I might look all soft and cuddly,” Maxwell murmured, “but beneath this gorgeous and drool worthy exterior lies the heart and soul of a primal beast.”

Shiny Suit’s eyes widened in confusion and Maxwell thanked the Gods he seemed to have a dumb one here. Brawn and no brains were always so much easier to bring down. Years of fighting his own battles against bullies at school, hanging out with street gangs and learning to fight dirty had often proven his salvation at times like these.

And there was one way he’d found to distract a bully and calm himself down that was almost fool proof.

Author Bio

Susan Mac Nicol is a self-confessed bookaholic, an avid watcher of videos of sexy pole dancing men, geek and nerd and in love with her Smartphone. She is never happier than when sitting scribbling down words and making two men fall in love.

In an ideal world, Susan Mac Nicol would be Queen of England and banish all the bad people to the Never Never Lands of Wherever -Who Cares. As that’s never going to happen, she contents herself with writing her HEA stories and pretending, that just for a little while, good things happen to good people.

Sue is a member of Romance Writers of America and Romantic Novelists Association in the UK. She lives in the quaint village of Bocking in Essex, set in the countryside and not far from the sea should she get the yen to eat crab or oysters on the Cromer Pier.

Author Links


WEBSITE
BLOG
FACEBOOK

TWITTER

LINKEDIN

Giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

https://widget-prime.rafflecopter.com/launch.js

Fly-boy meets Gaming Geek – Flying Solo Release

It’s always exciting when an author has a new release. All those weeks or months of slogging away writing, doing edits, getting beta reader feedback and finally deciding what you have is good enough to be published-that’s a thrill and a half.

I have a new book releasing 28th January. It’s called Flying Solo and its book six in the Men of London series. You also can find the full book series on my website here.

Don’t you love this cover? A guy with a cheeky butt, a sexy scorpion tattoo…what’s not to love.

This is what it’s all about…

Flight attendant Maxwell Lewis has spent years cultivating a bon vivant image only to find he finally wants something more—and that something more includes the never-does-repeats game designer Gibson Henry.

ABOVE AND BEYOND

Maxwell Lewis is proud of the life he’s made. Having turned tragedy into triumph, he’s now a beloved member of a Target Airlines cabin crew with more than his fair share of attention both in the air and on the ground. But lately he’s wanted something more than the occasional hook-up or sometime sex buddy—particularly after meeting game designer and passenger Gibson Henry.

Talented and driven, Gibson has built a company ready to be the next big thing in gaming. Devoted to his work, he takes one-time pleasures where he finds them and never does repeats…which is what he tells handsome, sexy Maxwell Lewis after a little mile-high flight attendance. But a chance encounter in a London club is about to change things forever. Two men, one who’s flown solo and another who’s only ever played alone, are about to find that at some point all games come to end, it’s time to bare your heart and try for love.

Character Inspiration

The character of Maxwell is based on someone I know. My friend Warren Allen is sassy, a bit of a diva, loves to wind me up with the things he says, but to me, he’s also strong and dependable and so Maxwell.

And no, that’s not his butt on the cover although we both wish it was. You can actually read a bit more about Warren here. It was my first meeting with him and our friend Jakub, and boy, was it a night to remember…

I hope you enjoy this story and take Maxwell and Gibson into your hearts, as you’ve done with all the other Men of London. It’s a fun and wonderful series to write and there are still another two to come, plus a potential spin off series. More about that soon!

 

Blog Tour: CROSS TO BARE by SUSAN MAC NICOL

All in One Place

Title:Cross To Bare
Author: Susan Mac Nicol
Series: Men of London #5
Release Date: November 10th 2015
Genre: MM Contemporary Romance

BLURB

Tough in business but romantic at heart, fashion designer Lenny James isn’t hiding his masculinity behind his super successful female alter ego, but a vulnerability that only handsome financier Brook Hunter will be man enough to reveal…and worship.

TWO OF A KIND

It’s amazing what a little mascara and lipstick, a blonde wig, false boobs, and top-notch female fashion can hide. Not that Lenny James is hiding his masculinity. He uses his normal voice when he’s Laverne, and he’s not particularly camp as a man. His reasons for creating his alter ego are locked deep in his past. He is who he is: tough in business, and a romantic at heart. What he’s hiding is vulnerability. He wants a man to accept both sides of him.
Gorgeous…

View original post 1,131 more words

Boys of Summer Blog Tour- Sarah Madison

 

I’m thrilled to be taking part in this blog tour for my wonderful friend and fellow author, Sarah Madison. I loved this book when I first read it and its’s the one that introduced me to Sarah’s writing. Since then, I’ve ready everything she’s written and let me tell you, it’s worth every word. I wish Sarah all the best on her blog tour and I hope she gets the exposure she deserves.

 

TITLE: The Boys of Summer

AUTHOR: Sarah Madison

PUBLISHER: Dreamspinner Press

COVER ARTIST: Reese Dante

LENGTH: 200 Pages

RELEASE DATE: December 21, 2015

BLURB: 2nd Edition

David McIntyre has been enjoying the heck out of his current assignment: touring the Hawaiian Islands in search of the ideal shooting locations for a series of film-company projects. What’s not to like? Stunning scenery, great food, sunny beaches… and Rick Sutton, the hot, ex-Air Force pilot who is flying him around.

Everything changes when a tropical storm and engine failure force a crash landing on a deserted atoll with a WWII listening post. Rick’s injuries and a lack of food and water mean David has to step up to the plate and play hero. While his days are spent fighting for survival, and his nights are filled with worrying about Rick, the two men grow closer. David’s research for his next movie becomes intertwined with his worst fears, and events on the island result in a vivid dream about the Battle of Britain. On waking, David realizes Rick is more than just a pilot to him. The obstacles that prevented a happy ending in 1940 aren’t present today, and David vows that if they survive this stranding, he will tell Rick how he feels.

“I don’t think we’ve got much choice.” Sutton’s voice was grim. “We’re lucky to have that much. Hold on, these trees are coming up faster than I’d like.”

Still fighting to keep the nose of the plane up, Sutton guided the recalcitrant aircraft toward the so-called clearing, the ground rising up to meet them far faster than was comfortable. David found himself leaning back in his seat, bracing his hands on the console as the tops of trees scraped the underside of the plane. Branches swiped at the windshield, and David had the sudden impression of being in a car wash scene as written by Stephen King.

“Duck your head!” Sutton barked. “Wrap your arms around your legs!”

“And kiss my ass goodbye?” David shouted, raising his voice over the increasing noise as he obeyed Sutton’s orders.

Incredibly, Sutton laughed. It was an oddly comforting sound. Like everything was somehow going to be all right because Sutton was at the controls.

The moment of humor was gone in a flash. The plane screamed with the sound of tearing metal and the sharp, explosive crack of tree limbs and breaking glass. David kept his head down and his eyes closed, praying to a God he was pretty sure had more important things to do than to keep up with the well-being of one David McIntyre. Despite being strapped in his seat, his head and shoulder thumped painfully against the passenger side door as the plane thrashed wildly. There was a moment of eerie, blessed silence, and for an instant, the assault on the plane seemed as though it had lifted. Eye of the storm, David thought, just before the plane hit the ground.

Someone had left the window open and it was raining on him. How incredibly annoying. He shifted, intent on reaching for the offending window, when a jolt of pain ran through his shoulder and he gasped. When he opened his eyes, nothing made any sense at first. Then he remembered the crash, and realized that his side of the plane was pointing up at the sky. The rain was coming down in a steady stream through the broken windshield. The sound of the rain on the metal hull of the plane was nearly deafening.

He winced at the pain in his neck when he turned to look over at the pilot’s seat. Sutton was slumped to one side in his chair, unmoving. His sunglasses were hanging off one ear.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” David murmured, hastily undoing his seatbelt so he could reach across to Sutton. His skin was cold and damp where David touched it, and adrenaline pounded through David’s veins as though he could jumpstart Sutton’s heart by sending his own pulse beating through his fingertips. “Sutton! Rick!”

David fought to free himself of his seat, twisting for greater access to the other side of the cockpit. When the seatbelt came open, he fell half across Sutton. Sprawled practically in his lap, David could now see the nasty cut on the left side of Sutton’s temple. The pilot’s side of the plane had taken a lot of damage, and David yelped as he encountered a sliver of glass. Bits of the windshield and console were scattered like confetti over Sutton’s jacket. “Sutton!” The lack of response was unnerving. He tossed aside the sunglasses and worked a hand down into Sutton’s collar, feeling frantically for a pulse.

He could have kissed the man when Sutton suddenly groaned.

Dreamspinner Press (eBook)

Dreamspinner Press (Paperback)

Amazon US

Amazon UK

All Romance eBooks

Barnes & Noble

Sarah Madison is a veterinarian with a large dog, an even bigger horse, too many cats, and a very patient boyfriend. An amateur photographer and a former competitor in the horse sport known as eventing, when she’s not out hiking with the dog or down at the stables, she’s at the laptop working on her next story. When she’s in the middle of a chapter, she relies on the smoke detector to tell her dinner is ready. She writes because it’s cheaper than therapy.

Sarah Madison was a finalist in the 2013 Rainbow Awards and is the winner of Best M/M Romance in the 2013 PRG Reviewer’s Choice Awards.

If you want to make her day, e-mail her and tell you how much you like her stories.

|| Facebook || Facebook Page || Twitter || Website & Blog || Pinterest || Tumblr ||

Winner’s Prize: E-copy of The Boys of Summer

a Rafflecopter giveaway

https://widget-prime.rafflecopter.com/launch.js

 

WHY CHARACTERS RULE THE WORLD by Sarah Madison

I won’t kid you, I’ll forgive a lot for characters I love. You know what I mean. I bet you feel the same. If you have a set of characters you love, you’ll accept almost any story about them because you’re dying to have more stories in their universe, you want to spend more time with them. It scarcely registered that the story had plot-holes big enough to drive a Mack truck through, or that the story was fairly implausible, even insipid. As long as you adore the characters, as long as their dialog is snappy and full of chemistry, you’ll forgive them almost anything.

If I love something, I’m usually incapable of seeing its flaws until the third or fourth exposure. In fact, a sure sign that a story or movie hasn’t properly engaged me is if I begin nit-picking right away. Sadly, once a story has lost me, it’s hard for me to enjoy it fully again. If I feel the author or producers are taking the characters away from my impression of who they are, it’s upsetting, to say the least. Character love is why we adore series, and keep coming back for more, long past when we feel the series has grown tired. Character love is what keeps people reading stories they know aren’t well-written and sing the praises of an otherwise mediocre tale.

Frankly, the original Sherlock Holmes mysteries were not all that well-researched or written. Even the most ardent fan will admit the ridiculousness of the idea of training a snake to do its master’s bidding by rewarding it with a saucer of milk. A recent re-read of these treasured stories surprised me in how much of the action is passive, and takes place off-stage. But what we find so compelling about the Arthur Conan Doyle legacy is his creation, Sherlock Holmes. As a character, he leaps off the page, transcending the level of the prose, and becoming one of the most enduring fictional characters of all time. The Guinness Book of World Records lists him as being the most portrayed movie character, and that’s not counting all the plays, novels, and television series that have been built around this character. As an ardent fan, I can tell you I’ve seen and read almost every incarnation of Holmes that exists.

In the same way, the Star Trek franchise stayed alive because of the love of three men: Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, and their starship, the Enterprise. There are Browncoats and Firefly conventions honoring a show that only made thirteen episodes. We quote Ivanova from Babylon 5 (and are convinced the show went downhill when they eighty-sixed her character), imagine ourselves at an Impression on Pern, desperately want to bond with a treecat from Sphinx like Honor Harrington. We write fanfic for our loves because we just can’t get enough of them.

Most of us will never light upon a character that will capture the public imagination the way Holmes or Spock have done. But we authors fall in love with our own characters time and time again, and we share that love with our readers. It’s why it’s so hard to say goodbye to them at times, and why we find ourselves spinning more tales about them when we thought their stories were done. So don’t be surprised if I bring back beloved characters from time to time. It’s because I love them.

January 4: The Novel Approach :: Gay Media Reviews

January 5: Elisa – My reviews and Ramblings

January 6: Louise Lyons

January 7: Diverse Reader

January 8: Prism Book Alliance :: Scattered Thoughts & Rogue Words

January 9: Susan Mac Nicol

January 10: Loving Without Limits

January 11: Kathy Mac Reviews :: Love Bytes Reviews

January 12: Divine Magazine

January 13: BFD Book Blog

January 14: The Purple Rose Tea House :: Man2ManTastic

January 15: Molly Lolly: Reader, Reviewer, Lover of Words

January 16: TTC Books and More :: Sue Brown

January 17: Bayou Book Junkie

January 18: Drops of Ink

 

 

 

2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

[image error]

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 11,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

No House to Call My Home: Love, Family, and Other Transgressions: An Interview with Author Ryan Berg

Heart breaking. Real. As a parent, I can’t fathom how any parent can throw their child away because of a sexual orientation. It cuts me to the core. Please reblog, share and get the word out. We have to help this youth find acceptance and happiness. We owe it to them, to try change the world for the better. #acceptance #tolerance #understanding

The Novel Approach

Please join me in welcoming author and youth worker Ryan Berg to The Novel Approach today. Ryan’s book, No House to Call My Home: Love, Family, and Other Transgressions, brings to the fore the subject of youth homelessness and the percentage of those kids who identify as LGBTQ.

Ryan was kind enough to sit down and answer a few questions for me. I hope you’ll take a moment to read and comment.

And now, here’s Ryan.

Lisa: Hi, Ryan, welcome to The Novel Approach. I’m so glad to have you here with us today. Before we get into the heart of the interview, why don’t we begin by having you tell us a bit about yourself?

Ryan: Thanks for having me. I’m a creative nonfiction writer and youth worker based in Minneapolis.  I’ve been doing youth work since 2004 and have been writing my whole life.

Lisa

View original post 1,507 more words

Divine Magazine Christmas Blog Hop

Short but sweet….I’m taking part in the Divine 12 Days of Christmas soon with these other wonderful authors. We’re going to tell you a little something about Christmas as we know it. Ring in the Festive Season with words of wisdom, tra la la….

I hope you pop down and see us between 8th and 19th December when we’ll have a multitude of giveaways, guest posts, fun and getting ready to celebrate the big fat guy with the button nose and white beard making an appearance.

In the true spirit of Christmas, I leave you with this. I used to have a really good friend called John who I adored. He unfortunately turned out to be not so adorable for reasons I won’t go into now. Suffice it to say, when we had good times, we used to write horrible things to each other in the spirit of fun. This was one of those fond memories from the year 2000. Yes, a very long time ago indeed.  I wrote him a letter, he replied. I hope you get a chuckle out of it.

 

My letter to Santa aka friend John

Dear Santa

Christmas, to me, is a time for giving, so I have put together a special list of things that I would like you to give me for Christmas.

A 6 foot real Christmas tree complete with decorations and tree angel in your living room upon my arrival.
Snow, snow and more snow. However, it must be kept white and clean and not turn to ugly grey sludge until I wish it away after Christmas.
Plenty of cheerfully wrapped presents chosen especially for me by you, and catering to my rather indulgent needs. I leave this to your imagination.
The best bedroom in the house, complete with fire place and down duvet. A fridge well stocked with goodies would be a optional extra but not absolutely necessary.
A fox fur coat to keep me warm on those cold winter nights.
A squirrel fur hat  to keep my cute little ears warm.
A group of specially chosen  Carol Singers, all of the male variety, chosen for their obvious physical attributes and willing to wear very little in the cold night air as they serenade me outside your front door.
A couple of spare reindeers, complete with sleigh, to take me on a  ride over the snow covered fields, whilst I sip hot mulled wine and cuddle up against one of those carol singers (or two – I am not limiting you in any way. Feel free to improvise!)

I do hope, Santa,  that this is not asking too much and if it is, well, I am sure that you will go out of your way to make me feel welcome. If you feel the need to substitute one item for another, I am sure (again) that you will not stray too much from my original request.

I hope you and Mrs. Santa have a lovely Christmas working your fingers to the bone for those people like me, and that you don’t forget a single item I have asked for, because, you know, I know where you live………….

Yours in Christmas spirit

Sue

 

John’s reply to me…

Dear Sue

Christmas, to me, has always been a time for giving, however, I would find it difficult in meeting every item exactly as you have requested. It is not usual for me to reply to Santa letters but I felt it prudent to reply to yours. I refer to your list in the same order as requested:

A 6 foot real plastic Christmas tree complete with meagre decorations in your living room upon your arrival. Sorry, we’re out of angels already for this Christmas – only got 729483956 left.
Snow, snow and more snow. A strong possibility and as long as you stay inside it won’t turn to ugly grey sludge.
Plenty of cheerfully wrapped empty boxes especially chosen for you to mirror your imagination.
The best bedroom in the house with a well stocked fridge (we will put in a 6”, 9” and 12” for your devilish kinky indulgencies). Sorry, the fire-place is out – you will be in a smoke free zone.
No fox fur coats this year. There has been too much negative media coverage of The Hunt in recent months.
Sorry no squirrels, the little buggers are too quick for me…I’m not as young as I used to be.
I put a copy of your photo on the internet (supplied to me by one, Sir John himself I’ll have you know) and managed to get a group of specially chosen  Carol Singers, all of the male variety, as requested. I had to agree to let them sing in drag this year though.
A couple of spare old dears, complete with most teeth/dentures, to take you on a  ride wherever their breathe would hold out. I agree, you probably will have to get totally pissed on hot mulled wine before you would cuddle up against either the old geezers or the transvestites. Thank you for allowing me to improvise as this was difficult to arrange once I mentioned for whom it was for.

Of course it wasn’t asking too much, you selfish, poor excuse for an intelligent species. With regards to the straying, feel free to take a long walk off a short plank. Mrs. Claus (not Mrs Santa, that’s my first name you dumb blonde) and I will have a lovely Christmas knowing that if you take the walk as suggested this will be our last Christmas plagued by someone such like yourself.

Yours in Christmas spirit

SANTA

I don’t give a shit if you know where I live, I’ll set Mrs Claus on you if you manage to get past my polar bear pets.

 

 

 

See you at the Divine Blog Hop….