Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 16

Japanese Capsule Toys Explain the Five Stages of Quarantine Hair Grief

DENIAL

[image error]“Wow, thanks, yours is growing out great too”

ANGER

[image error]“BURN IT WITH FIRE”

BARGAINING

[image error]“If I could just find the right accessories”

DEPRESSION

[image error]“Who cares? We’re probably never leaving our house again anyway”

ACCEPTANCE

[image error]“You know, even after this is all over, I might just keep wearing this turban”

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How you doing, friend? (I won’t ask about your hair if you don’t ask about mine >

And if you need a little break from the news, it’s not too late to get my new monthly newsletter

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(Still deciding? Here’s where you can browse the features from previous issues. And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

Gachapon animals ask their mirrors the most burning quarantine questions

[image error]Does this mask make my butt look big?




[image error]Thicc Boi? Who’s a Thicc Boi?




[image error]Dessert? Did someone mention dessert?




[image error]How can I compel my overserfs to order things that come in bigger boxes?

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I hope your own quarantining is filled with small joys every day. If you’d like more fun bits & pieces, join me here! Scroll down & subscribeヽ(*＾ω＾*)ﾉ

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And if you’d like something entertaining amid the asks in your inbox, it’s not too late to get my new monthly newsletter

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It’s loaded with features you won’t see anywhere else, and best of all? It’s free!

Click the button and sign up to get yours・° ♪・☆

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(Still deciding whether to join me? Here’s where you can browse the features from previous issues. And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

TMOT: You will totally thank me for making you watch “Giri/Haji”

I don’t usually reveal my guilty-pleasure bingewatches here, but pandemic is pandemic, and Giri/Haji (Duty/Shame) is the best Japanese drama I’ve ever seen (even though it was produced by the BBC for Netflix GO FIGURE).

[image error]Ignore how boring it looks from the title graphic

This is more like it:

[image error]“Whilst I do not consider myself to be in any way in your debt––you will be paying for breakfast, FYI––I do begrudgingly acknowledge the fact that you stood guard outside my room, like a sad Alsatian.”

Top five reasons to watch:

1: All the Japan & such

2: But actually, RODNEY

3: Rodney.

4: To be honest, there could never be too much Rodney.

5: Okay, also, Yuto (the curiously appealing fugitive brother), Kenji (the stranger-in-a-strange-land Japanese cop), and Sarah (the perpetually-worried but occasionally deadpan-funny London detective).

Seriously, even though Giri/Haji is slightly hobbled by being infested with yakuza (the world’s most predictable bad guys, ugh, YAWN) they are more than made up for by hilariously unpredictable & nasty British lowlifes/clock-punching hitpersons and main characters who keep doing all the wrong things for the right reasons, so

Me:

Also me: OMG, please, make it out of this alive

All that, plus the plot twists, script wittiness and gorgeous production values we’ve come to expect from the BBC, and best of all (the miracles keep on coming) the Japanese characters are actually played by Japanese actors, and they use real Japanese that doesn’t sound like it was lame Google-translated from English.*

The British bits and the Japanese bits are BOTH pitch-perfect. Even the main detective’s family back in Tokyo is hair-pullingly Japanese. And while the idea of a cop with a gangster brother isn’t new, this take on it is surprisingly nuanced. It’s rare to find a production that leaves me knowing that the bad guys are a little good, and the good guys are a little bad, and loving them all the more for it.

I’m telling you: Watch it.

*The Japanese dialogue is all excellently subtitled in English, of course

Here’s the official trailer, which gives you a general idea of what’s it’s about, but kinda misses the best parts, which are not the shooty & stabby bits, but the characters’ relationships, which entertain thoroughly as they deepen:

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If you need a little break from the relentless asks in your usual stack of email, it’s not too late to get a little entertainment instead

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It’s my new newsletter, and every month it’s got a Beyond Tokyo destination, a Seasonal Secret, Japanese Home Cooking recipe and other features you won’t see anywhere else. And best of all? It’s free!

Click the button and sign up to get yours・° ♪・☆

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(Still deciding whether to join me? Here’s where you can browse the features from previous issues. And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

Tweets from the Pillow Book: Pandemic Version

If Sei Shonagon (author of that famous tenth-century snark-bible The Pillow Book) had been alive today and quarantined with the rest of us, I’m pretty sure she’d have tweeted these:

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@seishonagon The flowers in full bloom at a closed park #thingsthataredistantthoughnear

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@seishonagon You finally make it to the front of the line for the supermarket, but realize you forgot your purse #thingsthataredistantthoughnear

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@seishonagon The roommate with a Switch who you should have chosen instead of the extrovert with a car #thingsthataredistantthoughnear

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@seishonagon A full package of two-ply toilet paper #pleasingthings

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@seishonagon Working from home during quarantine when your partner still works at an office #hatefulthings

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@seishonagon Social-distanced walking buddies who chat obliviously while occupying both the sidewalk AND the street #hatefulthings

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@seishonagon A used rubber glove #squalidthings

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@seishonagon You missed the sign saying only one packet of chocolate chips per customer #embarrassingthings

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@seishonagon Food from a fancy restaurant doesn’t taste as good from take-out cartons #thingsthathavelosttheirpower

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@seishonagon The new clothes you ordered before the pandemic arrive, but now there’s nowhere to wear them #thingsthathavelosttheirpower

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If you need a little break from the news, it’s not too late to get my new monthly newsletter, delivered straight to your in-box!

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Every month, a Japan-centric book review & giveaway, a Beyond Tokyo destination, and other great features you’ll only see in Japanagram. And best of all? It’s free!

Click the button and sign up to get yours・° ♪・☆

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(Still deciding whether to join me? Here’s where you can browse the features from past issues. And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

J-style Social Distancing Measurements for the Rest of Us

Yesterday I posted about Japan’s highly amusing subway posters that tell people to stand one tuna away from fellow pandemic commuters…

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But in the rest of the world, giant tuna are not exactly an everyday sight. I heard that Florida was suggesting a more familiar local measurement:

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Lol. But how big is an alligator, really? As I’m not from Florida myself, I’d be standing about a hundred (or maybe a thousand) feet from the next person in line. Where I’m from, people could more easily space themselves with these:

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Or, the universal urban teeth-gnashing measurement, these:

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Or, for even more local flavor, these:

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Not to mention these:

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And although opinions wildly differ with regard to the size, and nobody (even in Roswell) knows for sure, I feel that people would probably err on the side of caution with these:

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And even though I erred on the side of providing these regional social distancing suggestions for my fellow Americans, I did want my friends Down Unda to have this:

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With deepest homage to Japanese designer Eisuke Tachikawa and his design firm Nosigner and thanks for their original excellently amusing takes on judging how far to stand from fellow commuters in a pandemic

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How are you doing with all this social distancing thing, friend o’ mine? I hope you’re hanging in there, and keeping safe & well

(And please feel free to share this, if you know someone who could use a laugh.)

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And if you’d like to have bits and bobs like this spicing up your in-box from time to time, scroll wildly past the comments and ignore with abandon all the photos for my books and other blog, then enter your email and the click on the “I want more Japan” button. Then sit back and wait for your first Japan-flavored surprise to arrive amid the usual news & spam・° ♪・☆

How To Measure Social Distance, J-Style

Those of us who’ve been under quarantine for a month have stood in enough lines by now that we’ve probably got a pretty good eye for the “six foot” (two meter) guideline, but in crowded Japan, not so much. So they’ve plastered the subways with posters giving hilariously helpful hints for judging how close not to stand to fellow commuters.

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[image error]And my favorite:



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Here’s what the posters look like:

[image error]They include an excellent graphic at the bottom to convince people that social distancing can help stop the pandemic spread. Plenty of people are still making exceptions for themselves in the absence of binding orders from the government, and the lack of office closures means many still have to pile onto trains every day to go to work (can you spell AIEEEE?)

Thanks to SoraNews24 for collecting these excellent graphics

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If you need a little break from the news, it’s not too late to get my new monthly newsletter

[image error]

delivered straight to your in-box! And best of all? It’s free!

Click the button and sign up to get yours・° ♪・☆

[image error]

(Still deciding whether to join me? Here’s where you can browse the features from previous issues. And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

[image error]

Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

Kanji Drill Toilet Paper: For All Your Quarantine & Japanese Study Needs

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Take care of two pressing needs at once with the ideal Japanese product for these troubled times: Professor Poop kanji-studying toilet paper!

Schools are closed, but that doesn’t mean kids have an excuse to slack off – anyone who stops relentlessly memorizing those complicated kanji characters every week won’t be able to read the daily news by sixth grade,* so…

[image error]“Even in the toilet, students can study!”

No more excuses not to get, er, cracking!

[image error]Each square is printed with a Japanese kanji character, along with example sentences demonstrating correct usage. (Uh, the kanji, not the toilet paper!) Sadly, there are only 3-4 different characters per roll, so let’s hope the quarantine doesn’t go on too long.

Naturally, the instructive sentences are all hilariously poop-centric, so even the maker anticipated the small problem of kids going back to school and using them as examples in the weekly kanji test.

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One disclaimer couldn’t quite cover all the bases, so…

1: Because this is just for fun…don’t actually do the stuff described in the examples!

2: The funny examples will help you write sentences using the words in this Poop Kanji Drill!

3: Don’t talk about disgusting things like this around other people! These kind of examples should stay in the bathroom!

And last, but certainly not least (to settle one of the greatest sources of domestic discord once and for all), for all of you who ERRONEOUSLY think that toilet paper should unroll from under, not over, this:

[image error]I REST MY CASE

*That’s right – you need to know about 2,000 of the complex Japanese characters that each stand for a word if you want to be able to read Japanese at a basic level. Starting in first grade, Japanese kids have to memorize how to read and write ten characters a week (like Friday spelling tests in the West) so it takes them until sixth grade to know enough to read the daily news with fluency.

I found this delightful product at Shimojima (Tokyo’s best-kept shopping secret), but I regret to say it was before toilet paper became such a precious commodity, so they might not have any left in these commode-fearing times

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If you know someone who might enjoy this, share it! Here’s the link: https://bit.ly/2V9bvaV

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And if you’d like some fresh Japan goodness like this popping up in your in-box from time to time, it’s easy to subscribe to Only In Japan!

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Scroll wildly past the comments and ignore with abandon all the photos for my books and other blog, then enter your email and click on the “I want more Japan” button. Done! Sit back and wait for your first Japan-flavored surprise to arrive amid the usual news & spam・° ♪・☆

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Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

What’s On YOUR Quarantine Reading List?

I don’t know about you, but these days escapist genre fiction is about the only thing keeping me sane. Historical, space opera, international, all good. (Anything but those science-gone-wrong epidemic thrillers. NONE OF THOSE.)

So, just for a moment here, I’m going to trade my Only-In-Japan mystery writer hat for my international mystery reader hat (with matching fluffy slippers!) and let’s trade quarantine book recommendations!

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I’m going to toss out my ten favorite mystery authors from around the globe, in case you haven’t yet read them and you need some escapist reading too.

All these authors check my reading-in-the-time-of-virus boxes:

1: I’d like to spend time with their characters in real life – they’re not perfect, but not sociopaths or people with crippling psych issues either.

2: The plots are airtight, and deliver believable why-didn’t-I-see-that-comings (in a good way) right up to the end. And they don’t rely on dropping gruesomely murdered bodies onto every other page to keep me guessing. (I’m a dedicated thriller reader at all other times, but right now? Not so much.)

3: They whisk me away to places far beyond my four quarantined walls. Places like…

ENGLAND – Phil Rickman

[image error] This is the first in the series, but they’re all good to the last drop. I recommend starting here, though, because the continuing character arc between Merrily and her diabolically funny daughter is better enjoyed in sequence

I love this series. It features the Rev. Merrily Watkins, who happens to be the diocesian exorcist for the Church of England in a picturesque English village not too far from the Welsh border. But she’s also single mother to one of the most delightfully snarky teenage daughters you’ll even encounter between two covers. Rickman’s characters are quirky and delightfully flawed, and he’s such a fine mystery writer, even the slight paranormal aura becomes utterly believable through the skeptical eyes of the capable (but oh-so-human) Merrily.

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TURKEY – Jason Goodman

[image error] Yeah, I admit, he had me at eunuchs. This one is the first and the best, but they’re all pretty readable

This series gets extra quarantine points for being both exotic and historical, and it’s such a good read, I had a hard time leaving the Ottoman Empire to get up and cook dinner. Goodwin’s hero Yashim serves the sultan as his personal investigator, and because he’s a eunuch, no corner of the palace or the harem is off-limits to his sleuthing. These cleverly plotted mysteries dish up all kinds of fascinating factoids about a society and period I didn’t know much about before (although now I am an EXPERT, #askmeanything).

TURKEY – Barbara Nadel

[image error] This is the first, and a fine read, but this series gets more enjoyable as you read deeper into it. It takes a while to really know the main characters, and they do grow and change with experience

This series is also set in Turkey, but these are modern mysteries featuring Police Inspector Cetin Ikmen’s team of diverse detectives. I love how Istanbul’s complex mix of cultures and religions plays a central role in both the crimes and how they’re investigated – the characters’ strengths, weaknesses, and religious/social backgrounds all come into play while pursuing a solution, and Ikmen’s deep knowledge of what’s permissible and forbidden to each allows him to deploy his team in creative ways while solving the crimes.

ISRAEL – Batya Gur

[image error] This is actually the sixth book in the series, but it’s the only one you can get from Amazon US. If you’re lucky enough to live in the Amazon UK region, though, you’re golden, because they sell all of them

Superintendent Michael Ohayon of the Jerusalem CID is one of my favorite detectives ever. It’s such a pleasure to watch him direct his team as they solve crimes in the powder keg epicenter of the Middle East, because he does it with such intelligence and understanding of the cultural and religious backgrounds of the police and suspects alike. Jerusalem itself is a vivid character in every one of these mysteries, and every book in this series deepened my understanding of the tensions and points of view held by its citizens.

CHINA – Robert Van Gulik

[image error] There are tons of books in this series, but each “case” is short, some of them little more than short stories. These work really well as a “palate cleanser” in case some of your other reading gets too heavy

I’m a sucker for surprising twists and clever methods of winkling out the truth, so it’s no surprise that I devoured these historical police procedurals set in Ming Dynasty China. Judge Dee is the regional magistrate charged with both investigating crimes and bringing the criminals to justice, and his ultra-tricky ways of unmasking evildoers also reveal fascinating insights into bygone Chinese society. These tales aren’t deep or psychologically insightful, but for sheer enjoyable puzzle-solving, they can’t be beat.

RUSSIA – Stuart Kaminsky

[image error] This is the first in the series, but they’re all good. I’d suggest reading them in order, though, because the background story arc is best read in sequence

Soviet Russia is the setting for this police procedural, and these books are as much about how ordinary people made ends meet, and how they ducked the all-seeing eye of the State as they are about Inspector Porfiry Rostnikov’s smart and compassionate crime-solving. He heads up an excellent cast of sympathetic characters, and the way they dart and dodge out of the way of a behemoth system that could roll over and crush them at any moment is as compelling as the crimes they solve.

SPAIN – Arturo Perez-Reverte

[image error] This one is a supremely delightful art mystery – it’s set in the modern day, but the mystery surrounds a painting that was made in the 1400s, so it delivers lots of surprising and delightful reveals about that time and place. I highly recommend it, but I think my favorite of Perez-Reverte’s is The Fencing Master, which isn’t exactly a mystery, but still a hella good read

This Spanish author doesn’t write a series, but each of his stand-alone novels instantly and completely transports me to another time and place. His specialty is vividly bringing 19th century Spain to life, while penning characters so real and appealing that I’m always sorry when I have to close the covers on them. The books all rely on craftsmanlike plotting and the tricky relationships between the characters, which make them my ideal kind of read right now.

ITALY – Michael Dibdin

[image error] This is the first Aurelio Zen. It’s the best place to start, I think, because it’s good to get to know Zen in his native Venice, before he gets sent off to other parts of Italy to solve crimes

Aurelio Zen is a wily Venetian police detective whose adeptness at manipulating the Byzantine and often-corrupt Italian legal system in order to bring criminals to justice is a pleasure to behold. Often funny, always witty, Zen is far from perfect, but against considerable odds, he manages to thwart both the good and bad guys arrayed against him and bring each case to a satisfying close.

ITALY – Donna Leon

[image error] This is the first – and one of the best – but my favorites are Acqua Alta (which takes place during one of Venice’s periodic floods) and A Sea of Troubles (which shifts the spotlight to Signorina Elettra, my favorite character)

I’m sure Donna Leon’s name isn’t new to you, as her Commissario Guido Brunetti mysteries are one of the most beloved and longest-running series in the world. Nevertheless, I can’t leave it off my list, because the combination of Brunetti’s entertaining family (not to mention his wife’s mouthwatering lunches) and multi-talented colleagues (including their creative maneuvering around their superiors) are the stuff of which reading binges are made. If by some chance you’ve been marooned on a desert island for the past twenty years and never read any of these, see you sometime next year when you re-emerge from your reading cave.

FRANCE – Cara Black

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As private investigator Aimee LeDuc cuts a crime-solving swath through each arrondissement, we’re treated to delicious bites of Paris around every corner. It’s easy to spend time in the company of her main characters, and hard to say goodbye (which is why it’s good that there are nineteen of these just waiting to be binged). Even with various murderers afoot, fleeing to an un-virused City of Light sounds pretty damn appealing right now, doesn’t it?

[image error]Who knew that my vast wardrobe of flurfy Japanese character sox would become so essential to modern life?

So, those are my go-tos. What are yours? If you didn’t see your favorite author here, mention them in the comments and I’ll enthusiastically (not to say desperately) welcome any suggestions you have in return!

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If you know someone who might enjoy this, share it! Here’s the link: https://bit.ly/340HGNK

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Jonelle Patrick writes mysteries set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had 

And if you’d like some fresh Japan goodness popping up in your in-box from time to time, it’s easy to subscribe to Only In Japan!

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Scroll wildly past the comments and ignore with abandon all the photos for my books and other blog, then enter your email and the click on the “I want more Japan” button. Voila! Sit back and wait for your first Japan-flavored surprise to arrive amid the usual news & spam・° ♪・☆

April Japanagram Preview

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Hi, it’s me again, Jonelle

How are you doing? I hope that you and yours are finding new ways to enjoy life while we weather the current storm!

In case you need a little break from the news, here’s what’s going out to Japanagram subscribers in a couple of days – if you’re not already signed up, there’s still time to get yours before it’s sent out on April 1st Scroll down, click the orange button and join me for these only-in-the-April-Japanagram features:

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BOOK REVIEW & GIVEAWAY

Be entered to win a copy of this satisfying Edgar-nominated mystery-within-a-mystery

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BEYOND TOKYO

Let’s go see thousands of fluttering fish flags!

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JAPANESE HOME COOKING

Creamy Sesame Noodles…without the cream

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SEASONAL SECRET

The OTHER Japanese season that blooms in the spring

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WHY, JAPAN, WHY?

Be careful what you wish for

If you need a little break from the news, it’s not too late to get the April

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delivered straight to your in-box!

Click the button and sign up to get yours・° ♪・☆ 

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(And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

[image error]

Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had

April Japanagram Preview!

Here’s what’s going out to subscribers on April 1 – if you’re not already signed up, there’s still time to get yours! Scroll down, click the orange button and join me for these only-in-the-April-Japanagram features:

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BOOK REVIEW & GIVEAWAY

Be entered to win a copy of this satisfying Edgar-nominated mystery-within-a-mystery

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BEYOND TOKYO

Let’s go see thousands of fluttering fish flags!

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JAPANESE HOME COOKING

Creamy Sesame Noodles…without the cream

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SEASONAL SECRET

The OTHER Japanese season that blooms in the spring

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WHY, JAPAN, WHY?

Be careful what you wish for

If you need a little break from the news, it’s not too late to get the April

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delivered straight to your in-box!

Click the button and sign up to get yours・° ♪・☆ 

[image error]

(And just so you know, I hate spam too, so I’ll never share or sell your info.)

[image error]

Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Japan, produces the monthly newsletter Japanagram, and blogs at Only In Japan and The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had