Guy Portman's Blog, page 25
June 2, 2017
20 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes II
Last week’s post was devoted to 20 of literature’s funniest quotes. This week sees the second instalment. Here are 20 more quotes from books that I think are amusing, and I hope you will too.
If you’re going to read this, dont bother. After a couple pages, you won’t want to be here. — Choke (opening line) by Chuck Palahniuk
It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard. — The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exac...
May 26, 2017
20 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes
Previously on this blog I have dedicated posts to quotes about reading, writing and publishing. This week it is the turn of quotes from literature. Here are 20 quotes from books that I think are amusing, and I hope you will too.
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness — The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind — Eric by Terry Pratchett
He receives comfort like cold porridge — T...
May 19, 2017
6 Humorous Novels
This week’s post is dedicated to 6 humorous novels. Click on the links to read my reviews.
Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons (1932)
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Light-hearted and wryly humorous, this satirical work lampoons the romanticised, often doom-laden ‘loam and lovechild’ novels of the 19th and early 20th century.
My Review: Although harbouring concerns about countryside living, recently orphaned, 19-year-old Flora Poste decides to go and live with relatives in rural Sussex. Her destination, the…(more)
My Opi...
May 12, 2017
Bizarre Books VIII
I have yet more bizarre books for you. Every time I think I have exhausted the topic, I discover yet more bizarre books. This is the eighth instalment in the series. Here are 10 bizarre books:
The Goldflower Book of Business Greetings
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Ever wondered why you always fail interviews? Next time you have an interview, try introducing yourself with the above handshake.
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Touché
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Spotting foreigners sounds a bit like birdwatching. Next time I...
May 5, 2017
Bizarre Books VII
Earlier this week I was perusing the internet in search of yet more bizarre books. I found some. This week sees the seventh instalment in my bizarre books series. Here are 10 bizarre books. I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.
5 Very Good Reasons To Punch A Dolphin In The Mouth
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Reason 1: Dolphins make annoying squeaking noises.
Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success
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CEO: ‘Jesus Christ put it away! What the %$@* do you think you’re doing?...
April 28, 2017
6 American Satirical Novels
As followers of this blog are aware I am an avid fan of satire. My second novel, Necropolis, is a satire about a sociopath who works for the burials and cemeteries department in his local council. I plan to release further satirical works in the not too distant future. In addition to my writing I have read numerous satires and devoted many blog posts to the subject.
This week’s post is dedicated to 6 satirical novels by 6 American authors. They are presented in the order in which they were p...
April 21, 2017
10 Farcical Religious Books
This week sees the third and most likely final instalment in my bizarre religious books series. Here are 10 religious-themed books. I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.
Behold Now Behemoth: Dinosaurs All Over the Bible!
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I can only assume the author is confusing The Bible with Jurassic Park.
A Potato That Wasn’t A Christian
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So what if a potato wasn’t a Christian. Potatoes are tasty regardless of their religion, unless they are Sikh. There are few things less appetising tha...
April 15, 2017
Books and Publishing (Part 2)
Last week’s post was about global reading habits. This week sees the second instalment. Here are some interesting facts about global reading habits and the publishing industry in general. Click on the links to discover more.
According to Bowker and book industry data, as of September 2016, there were 134,021,533 unique books in the world. I am sure you will all agree that is a lot of books.
As we are all aware the number of self-published works has risen dramatically in recent years. But the...
April 7, 2017
Global Reading Habits
Have you ever found yourself wondering about global literacy rates & reading habits. If so you might find this week’s post interesting. Click on the links to discover more.
The most literate nation in the World is: Finland — according to British newspaper, The Guardian.
But when it comes to reading assessment results Singapore comes out as number one.
The World’s least literate nation is South Sudan (literacy rate: 27%) — Grinding poverty and fleeing Janjaweed militias is evidently not condu...
March 31, 2017
10 Absurd Religious Books
This week sees the second instalment in my Ludicrous Religious Books series. Here are 10 more ludicrous religious-themed books. I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.
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Do you ever feel embarrassed by something, even though you are not responsible for it in any way, shape or form.
A Holistic Approach to Exorcism
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Finally, I was getting so tired of specialised approaches to exorcism.
Does GOD Ever Speak through CATS?
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Cat: ‘Meow! Meow! Purr, purr…’
Person: ‘...
