Guy Portman's Blog, page 14

English Summers, Black Comedy & A Reading Bender

I woke up today to the wettest and most miserable June morning in living memory. To compound matters I was suffering from a wretched hangover. Having downed two Nurofen I headed out with my dog for our customary morning walk. No sooner had I exited my garden than I came across this deer with her two fawns.

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When I got back I ate ‘The Breakfast of Kings’ otherwise known as a Bakewell Tart. It was the only readily eatable item in the house.

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Now, partially recuperated I slumped down in front o...

6 Dark Fiction Reading Recommendations

I haven’t got much to report this week, so I am going to focus on books. As you may know I am an avid fan of dark fiction. Here are 5 dark fiction books that I have read and one that I have written.

Definition: Dark fiction is concerned with the sinister side of human nature. It is often distinguished from the mainstream horror genre in that it tends not to be fantasy-orientated. Dark fiction may contain elements of black or satirical humour.

Fire In The Hole

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This is a compilation of nine s...

Cakes, Beer & The Great Outdoors

Currently, I am having work done to my roof. Due to the noise, I escaped to The Fens for a while. The waterway on the right is the Relief Channel. It was constructed in the 50s’ to take excess water from the Great Ouse river as and when necessary. For whatever reason few people venture out here, which makes it an ideal place for reclusive creatures such as myself.

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After a two hour walk along the Relief Channel we were feeling thirsty. My dog opted for water, me for lager.

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I strongly recomme...

17 FREE Humour Books For You

Once again, I have collaborated with my fellow humour authors to offer you a selection of FREE humour books. This time there are 17 to choose from. The deal includes my satirical book of vignettes, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time).

17 FREE HUMOUR BOOKS OFFER LINK

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If you like dark humour and you are looking for a quick read, Tomorrow’s World could be the book for you. To get your FREE copy of mine and/or any of the other offerings,...

Floods, Felling Trees, Black Comedies and Comfort Food

Yesterday afternoon, I finished the second draft of my forthcoming novel, the black comedy Golgotha. It is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy, featuring darkly humorous sociopath Dyson Devereux. It is now in the hands of beta readers.

Having polished off the draft, I woke up in a cheery mood this morning, but a flood in my kitchen put an end to it. The dishwasher pipe is leaking, again. Last time I was able to stop it, this time I can’t. There is water everywhere, and only the pl...

Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

I am all about routine. Every morning when I awaken at seven, I have a walk in the woods by my house with my dog. There is no better time of day unless one is hungover. Of late, there have been plenty of sunny, idyllic mornings here in West Sussex. After a walk, I generally feel refreshed and ready to get on with my writing, or whatever I have to do that day.

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My garden was recently landscaped. I scattered grass seed over it some weeks back, but despite there having been plenty of sun and som...

12 Hilarious One Star Book Reviews

It has been a while since I devoted a blog post to hilarious one star book reviews. Here are 12 more one star book reviews that I find amusing and I hope you will too.

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The Iliad by Homer – ‘You may have seen the movie Troy with Brad Pitt as Achilles, but it is quite different than the book.’

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë – ‘Wuthering Heights is the worst! Everyone is mean and it has an awful ending …’

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck – ‘Though I’ve read many bad books, none can com...

Gorging on Chocolate Bunnies & A Free Book

There was a time when I didn’t eat chocolate during Lent. Now it’s all I eat.

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I favour different types for different activities. While writing can be a rewarding experience, it can also be incredibly frustrating. And there is nothing more cathartic than biting the ears and/or head off a chocolate Lindt bunny. At least for me, anyway.

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Initially, I purchased a pair of Lindt bunnies for young relatives for Easter, but I just kept eating them, and having to go back to the supermarket to get mo...

5 Books For 5 Moods

This is the latest instalment in my books for different moods series. Here are 5 books for 5 moods/different states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Desiring Transgressive Fiction? Then why not give this a go:

Marabou Stork Nightmares

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This is an inventive book, boasting parallel stories and different levels of awareness. It is narrated by Roy Strang from the hospital where he is lying in a coma. Click here to read my review.

In the mood for a satirical classic? Well you may h...

6 Books For 6 Moods

This is the latest instalment in my books for different moods series. Here are 6 books for 6 moods/different states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Desiring Transgressive Fiction? Then why not give this a go:

Marabou Stork Nightmares

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This is an inventive book, boasting parallel stories and different levels of awareness. It is narrated by Roy Strang from the hospital where he is lying in a coma. Click here to read my review.

In the mood for a satirical classic? Well you may h...