Rolje's Blog, page 2
October 23, 2017
October 11, 2017
Frustration Festers
I am so frustrated.
Why is this treatment different?
I hate this.
But I cannot complain.
I don’t dare.
If I was to speak up, would anyone listen?
I doubt it.
The last time I spoke up, I was accused of being an attention seeker, a puddle-glum.
No one wants to know about your pain, your frustrations, your worries, your concerns.
No one wants to be burdened with that.
Why would you expect anyone to care?
See, this is why I give up.
This is why I stop trying.
No one wants to understand.
They just...
I am so frustrated. Why is this treatment different? I ha...
I am so frustrated.
Why is this treatment different?
I hate this.
But I cannot complain.
I don’t dare.
If I was to speak up, would anyone listen?
I doubt it.
The last time I spoke up, I was accused of being an attention seeker, a puddle-glum.
No one wants to know about your pain, your frustrations, your worries, your concerns.
No one wants to be burdened with that.
Why would you expect anyone to care?
See, this is why I give up.
This is why I stop trying.
No one wants to understand.
They just...
October 1, 2017
Help Them Understand
You should explain yourself.
You should help them understand you.
You try your best, in your own way to show them who you are.
How?
These suggestions sear my heart, entrusting it pain I thought I would never feel again. These suggestions are ignorant advice, as good as if uttered by a deaf person who never heard the tale in the first place.
Why should I explain myself when doing so is merely explaining a part of me they do not believe exists?
Why should I help them understand when they have n...
September 29, 2017
That’s Nice, They Say
I woke up today.
That’s nice, they say.
I ate food today.
I got dressed today.
I left the house today.
I talked to someone today.
I did something for myself today.
I didn’t sleep all day today.
I went to work today.
I didn’t feel sad today.
I didn’t cry today.
I didn’t feel empty today.
I didn’t feel guilty today.
I didn’t jump today.
I didn’t walk in front of moving traffic today.
I didn’t die today.
…
…
That’s nice…
They say…
Filed under: Notes Tagged: confessions, depression, emotion, guilt...
July 13, 2017
Enlightened Excerpt
July 9, 2017
Looking In
Dear You,
I love You.
I watch You.
I watch Your life play like a movie.
It’s black and white though. I don’t get to see the color, because I am looking in.
Looking in at the happiness, the pain, the triumphs, the lessons.
Not a part of it.
Looking in.
A stranger.
You don’t know me. You don’t notice me. In fact, You can’t see me.
I don’t really exist.
Not without You.
So, here I am, trapped in this endless freescape, wandering, but always watching.
I see You smile and I want You to smile at m...
June 27, 2017
What You Have
Every time I see what you have, I’m reminded of what I don’t have.
That breaks my heart.
It’s not what I don’t have that makes me sad.
It’s the fact that in your happiness you don’t notice how unhappy I am.
But to be honest, I don’t want you to notice.
If you did I think I would die.
I couldn’t take it, living in my sadness knowing you knew.
I’d rather you were happy, blissfully.
Just be happy.
Just be happy.
That’s all that matters to me.
I can’t choose between you and I.
It’s too hard. ...
June 24, 2017
That little voice with all those suggestions
I hate that little voice.
The one that tells me I’m not enough.
The one that tells me I will never make it.
The one that tells me I don’t matter.
The one that tells me I should give up.
The one that tells me I should kill myself.
As long as I never listen…
I can overcome…
Who am I fooling?
No matter how soft.
No matter how quiet.
That voice.
Will always be there.
Whispering.
Suggesting.
Intimating.
Kill yourself.
Kill.
You.
Gone.
Done.
Over.
Kill.
You.
Filed under: Notes Tagged: human, life, m...
