David Kirby's Blog: Upper East Bride

Upper East Bride: What the Wealthy Eat

There is a lot of food in my book. :-) If the novel ever takes off, it would be fun to do an “Upper East Bride Cookbook.” Here are just 10 occasions , to get the idea - unless you are a vegan, or a cardiologist, in which case, don’t even look. I may post the whole list on my website - there are about 45 scenes with meals, cocktail parties, high teas, snacks and pastries! Bon apetit...

CH 3

At Caffe Piazza San Marco, on Madison in the 80s: Savory panzanella bread salad with roasted peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and onions, ($26.50) spinach ricotta ravioli Firenze in browned butter and sage ($44.50), Lombatina di Vitella alla Griglia, a grilled veal chop with olive oil, lemon and pecorino, (52.50), tortellini en brodo, with prosciutto and fiddleheads, and sautéed porcini on the side (Not on the menu). “Who orders off the menu? Beverly asks the waitress, “The Aga Khan, that’s who. Hillary Clinton. Bill Gates. Me.”

CH 5

In Beverly’s Great Room - Corporate donor luncheon - Fresh Westcott Bay oysters from the San Juan Islands, $150-a-pound aged kobe beef flown in from Tokyo, perfectly scalloped and served under a Burgundy-peppercorn glaze, with chevre-mashed turnips and braised ramps from the Black Forest, crème brûlée with imported Portuguese lavender and sea salt crystals harvested from the Danish island of Læsø, petit fours, Costa Rican organic shade coffee and candle-warmed snifters of Courvoisier L’Esprit (at $2,300 per hand-cut Lalique-crystal bottle)

CH 6

In Beverly’s Study - Private lunch - Scallop bisque and toasted pork-belly relish, followed by a warm spinach salad with caramelized grapefruit, toasted pecans and candied pansies, and then roasted quail stuffed with duck pate, currants, and, in Chef’s little nod toward irony, hard-boiled quail eggs. Served with pink prosecco

CH 7

At Charity Board Meeting, Uptown - Chilled sea-urchin consommé, escallop of Tasmanian lamb with Macedonian chanterelles, Moroccan chickpeas and a jaunty champagne-elderberry sauce, paired with an uplifting grilled hearts-of-romaine Caesar, with roasted peppers and madrona-smoked capon, procured from an edition limitée farm in Aix-en-Provence co-owned by Gina Lollobrigida, a “distant acquaintance” of Beverly’s.

CH 9

Dinner in the Caribbean - Croquettes of snapper, followed by conch-shell bisque laced with a hint of yellow curry, crab-and-scallop salad with wilted greens and blood orange gastrique, wood-flamed mahi-mahi in a chardonnay-shallot reduction, and a decadent banana coconut crème pie made with enough rum to inebriate half the island.

CH 11

At Rex’s Place - Megan’s first big dinner party - For passed appetizers, mini chile rellenos stuffed with smoked gruyere in a poblano-cream dipping sauce, wood-fired chile-lime prawns on sugarcane skewers, and little medallions of beef, served warm in a chipotle, raspberry and blue-cheese glaze. Followed by papaya-mango salad with grilled scallops wrapped in honey-roasted jalapeno strips and bacon, and the main course of “pollo en Coca Cola, (chicken, Coca-Cola, ground chile, ketchup and onions).

CH 14

At Sylvia’s, the famed “Queen of Soul” eatery on Lennox in Harlem - Chicken and waffles.

Opening Night at a Farm-to-Table Place on Restaurant Row - Wood-fired Woodstock pork belly and toasted chestnuts, with a peach-cherry chutney from Underwood Farms of Hudson Valley (Priced at $23.50, but on-the-house tonight, naturally) and the main course of Amish-bred game hens from Lancaster County, raised exclusively on wild dandelions and organic grubs, with Long Island duck pate under candied Jersey persimmons, and roasted South Bronx community garden hothouse Brussel sprouts in a hollandaise drizzle, ($52.00)

CH 17

At a Cozy Hungarian Pastry Cafe on Madison - Somlói Galuska, made of cocoa and walnut sponge cake, with chocolate, vanilla and rum-orange sauce, smothered in freshly whipped cream,

CH 21

At Beverly’s - Lunch for Two - Broiled Maine mussels with Pernod sauce, crushed Jersey greenhouse tomatoes, and wild golden chanterelles culled from the beech forests of Lower Transylvania

CH 22

At Beverly’s - The Last Supper - Lobster en croûte with braised endive and crème de Cognac, followed by braised chateaubriand in a Pinot noir demi-glace with peppercorns, shallots and tarragon.

Upper East Bride: Our Hero Megan vs. the Ladies Who Lunch

Here is a snippet: Remember, class warfare is alive and well in modern Manhattan. In this scene, our working-class hero Megan throws her first big dinner party, a “Mexican Fiesta,” or as the snide Brit Wanda Covington puts it: “Megan’s big debut on the society stage, and she opts for Taco Tuesday.”

This is when Megan’s millionaire boyfriend, “Sexy Rexy,” unexpectedly proposes to her. (Carlitos is the Mexican-immigrant partner of Megan’s brother, Todd):

------------

There was an excruciating pause as the guests stared in anticipation: some in hope, others in near panic.

(Megan accepts).

The ladies, minus Martha, were visibly not amused. “What the fucking fuck?” Wanda said. Beverly rolled her eyes so intensely her irises virtually disappeared into two globes of white. “Rex. Are you quite sure about this?’’

“I’m sure as Captain Sully landing his plane in the Hudson, Beverly. I’m in love, and I want everyone here to witness it.”

Thaddeus, meanwhile, looked apoplectic. “Rex. Dude. Have you thought this one through, buddy? Cuz, maybe you need to think a bit more.”

“You know what, Dr. Pepper?” It was Carlitos.

“What, muchacho?”

“Oh no,” Carlitos wagged his finger in Pepper’s face. A lot. “You do not speak to me that way.”

“Oh, really? And I’m supposed to care what you think…because?”

“Because Megan is family. And now, so is Rexford.”

“Oh, spare me, son. We don’t care. And don’t you speak to me like that. I have a PhD from MIT.”

“Is that so?” Carlitos asked, turning around and bending over to show off his perfectly rounded behind. “Well, I have an A.S.S. from G.O.D. And you don’t hear me going on about it!”

Thad scowled. The ladies gasped. Brigit and Bill giggled. The Mayor looked at Jamal hoping to keep all of this out of the paper.

There was silence. Finally, Anderson Cooper’s date said, “Well, it’s true. He does.”

AND…. SCENE. :-)

Rave Reviews for "Upper East Bride"

In just over 10 days, "Upper East Bride" has received 22 Five-Star reviews at Goodreads and Amazon. Thanks to all!

FIVE-STAR REVIEWS AT GOODREADS FOR “UPPER EAST BRIDE”

Sarah
I have never laughed so hard. Loved it. Read this book so fast because I couldn’t put it down when I took a break from researching a hard topic for upcoming podcast. Was exactly what I needed. He’s so talented and so funny. I highly recommend Upper East Bride. Amazing read!

Julia Foster
I picked up this book thinking I would read a couple of chapters before bed, that did not happen, the book engulfs you and before you know It you are one with the characters, I saw NYC through another set of eyes, loving the restaurants, tasting the food and all along side with Megan. I could not put the book down. It’s funny, witty and clever and while It made me laugh It also had my eyes watering a little at times. Definitely not what I was expecting, adding the dolphins was a great touch, loved it! I would give this 10 stars If I could. Thank you David, best book I have read In a long time.

Amy Rosenquist
I didn’t even know how much I needed this book. It’s at once absurd, relatable, compelling, funny, insightful, witty, compassionate, well paced, and ultimately impossible to put down. I ended up staying up half the night at one point because I simply had to finish it, something I don’t think I’ve done for at least a decade.David Kirby takes on the Upper East Side with hilarious success. Believe me when I say that Upper East Bride is everything you need right now.

Alex Lewis
“Upper East Bride” was one of the wittiest books I’ve read in a long time. The storyline is addicting and you literally cannot stop reading it to know what happens next. This book is laugh out loud funny – you simply cannot put it down.

Sam
I loved this book – get it! We have all read books about the uber-rich and their silly antics but this book is much, much more than that, but still full of silly antics. The pace is perfect and I was 100% behind the protagonist from the get go. I rooted for Megan, related to her and thoroughly enjoyed her journey through the minefield of the Upper East Side. One fun and entertaining read.

Ousa
The Intro alone will pull you in with its descriptions of New York society’s elite and outlandish. They are compelling, if not morbidly so, but nothing compared to the young Megan O’Malley from Michigan who dips her toes into this pool of sharks. She is witty and intriguing, and I found myself invested in her journey from the start. Upper East Bride is a fast paced, perfect beach read, and might be the first book I’ve ever found myself laughing at the death of a character

Kristen Hall
Want to escape? Then this is the book for you. Imagine Real Housewives and Downton Abbey rolled into one. In these pages, you’ll find High Society, world-class snark, and cameos from the ultra-famous. Reading this book is like sipping a sparkling rosé on a yacht in the Hamptons…or so I imagine. Megan is a Midwesterner thrust into a world she never dreamed of. But the New York Elites are not having it, and try to sabotage Megan at every turn. You can never count our heroine out though. Our girl Megan has some tricks up her sleeve, and New York Society may never be the same.

Ashley C
The book is so good, since I started it I couldn’t stop reading it. And I loved it, it was a fun book and I really liked the characters. I was able to relate to them and I think that the book is amazing, I plan to read more books from David, I really liked his writing style.

Diane Fraleigh
Run, don’t walk, to buy this satirical, humorous, nuanced, clever new novella by the incredibly talented David Kirby, author of the critically acclaimed book Death at SeaWorld. I had to take breaks from reading because my belly hurt from laughing so hard. I cannot recommend this book enough. Bravo!

Len Heisler
The incredibly talented Mr. Kirby has smitten us with his extraordinary and imaginative fictional account about the laugh out loud inflated snobbery of the Manhattan upper east side “elite.” He presents us with a cast of characters whom you never want to befriend and a down to earth Midwest journalist main character who must learn to navigate the collective egos, if she is to succeed. For some reason we grow to care about these obnoxious creatures. That reason is Mr. Kirby’s gift to us, as humor soars with unbounded wit.

James Pansulla
Skillful writer David Kirby constructs a fictional world of gossip columnists and vacuous, self-absorbed Manhattan socialites. He drops a rags-to-riches young upstart into their midst and we get an intimate look. In Upper East Bride, the tone is lighthearted and the mockery potent. We are offered up some biting satire in the best traditions of Twain and Vonnegut.

RickyO
A ten course Menu Prestige at Le Cirque delivers course after course of carefully crafted tasty morsels of food. David Kirby’s Upper East Bride serves up chapter after chapter of equally delicious glimpses into the lives of his swans of Fifth Avenue. After laughing out loud reading several of the scenes in Upper East Bride, I went back and reread them. Visualizing the antics as a movie made them even funnier. This book is a perfect distraction from our current weary times. I can’t wait for the movie.

Deb Cunningham
New Yorkers and out-of-towners alike will have a rollicking good time with this cast of characters. Laugh out loud hilarious and right on the highbrow money, David Kirby’s “Upper East Bride” is such a fun read you won’t want to miss a single delicious word. Highly entertaining!

Carlos
A wonderful and hilarious journey from everyday blue-collar worker, middle America to the life of the Park Ave chic… And not so chic. In a wicked, humorous way, Mr. Kirby depicts the ups and downs of an unintentional “social climber” and her adventures in the Upper East Side snake jungle. Thanks!

Mary
Thoroughly enjoyed the storyline and read.

FIVE STAR REVIEWS AT AMAZON

Ousa – Perfect Summer Read!
Upper East Bride is like the most perfect full course meal. The story starts with light & flirtatious plates, continuing with richer more gritty dishes, and finishing off with small & delicate details which wrap the meal up perfectly. Be prepared to find delight in the New York social scene, a struggling journalist from Michigan and some of the most entertaining dinner parties. No spoilers, because this is just too good to miss.

Chris Joseph – Buy This Book!
Very enjoyable read. This writer is so talented that he can write both serious/must-read non-fiction (check out Kirby’s other works), and then seemingly effortlessly (I know it wasn’t easy) write a novel that provides vast entertainment. Buy this book!

Fatima Schwartz – A Real Page Turner
I love this book. David Kirby is a gifted author. His non-fiction books are phenomenal. In his first foray into non-fiction, Upper East Bride is a hilarious send up of the UES crowd. It is a real page turner. I couldn’t put it down. As a former denizen of the UES, I found it realistic and hilarious. It is so witty! I hope David considers more non-fiction writing in the future.

Lisa – Loved It!
I absolutely loved this book! Once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. I’d recommend this book to everyone!

J. – “Upper East Bride” by David Kirby
Coming from small towns In the south of England my friend worked and thrived In NYC, I would visit but not a fan of cities, or books about cities!~ Nevertheless It had taken me a good few days to get on the book sites and retrieve the book so decided to read a bit before bed, well In no time at all, I was loving the hustle and bustle of NYC, the restaurants and all the food, I could smell the food! In fact I could not put the book down, I laughed, I cried, I loved the cove bit, loved the all the characters especially Dexter. I would highly recommend this book, one of the best I have read In a long time, what a beautiful, thrilling escape, now I need more… Thank you David

LoH – Could not put it down
New Yorker magazine writer, David Kirby’s first fiction novel is clever, satirical and a romp of a read, As a past Manhattanite, I envisioned past acquaintances as many of the characters, Be warned though not an easy book to put down, once one starts it, you just keep on reading. I read the whole novel in one sitting, smiling through the whole adventure

Barbara L – What a hoot!
David Kirby has a particular way with words that is just superb. I could visualize and relate to his main characters and understand fully how the relationships developed. This is a highly recommended book and an excellent first foray into fiction by David Kirby. I also loved that he wove the issue of dolphins and whales in our world, something that’s near and dear to me. Well done!